Lesson 18

[Chris WIllis]

Chris’s improved descriptions.

Made a pass through the script trimming the description. Thought I had eliminated at least a page and a half. But then I added to the scene where Moses fights with Lee Harvey Oswald. It needed more of a thematic punch and a better connection to the rest of the script. Added a page and a half. So I broke even. But now with “pithy” descriptions.

I also queried Screenwriting U and the Screenwriting Facebook page about the use of apostrophes to make names possessive. Through 104 pages I had been writing Moses’. Not incorrect, but consensus seems to be see Moses’s is the form preferred by proofreaders. So dozens of changes. Thankful for the find/replace feature.

[Margaret Doner]

Margaret’s improved descriptions.

I went through the entire screenplay and asked myself if the descriptions were clear enough. I heightened a few descriptions of characters to bring them more to life. I think that was where it was too brief. Overall, I felt it was balanced between too much description and too little. I tend to err on the side of brevity, which is odd since I am a novelist first. I think I have heard the less is more so often, that I go too far in that direction. I also discovered that in a pitch I was doing…although the producer asked for the script…he also wanted more description and information. When I went back I realized that I needed to round out the pitch with more information. I find this balance, between too much and too little, to be very challenging both in the writing and the pitching!

[Lora Sester]

Lora’s Precise Description

I focused not just on descriptions but also slug lines because I was told in contest feedback that I was missing several. I feel like I worked through everything and could work through it again! This is where I get stuck in endless cycles of polishing. I ended up adding two packages because of how much space the slug lines took up – I could still be missing some but I learned that I need feedback or I get so thick in the weeds that I end up going in circles.

[James Hernandez]

Day 18:

James’ Precise Description

What I learned doing this assignment is…that my description is for the most part necessary, clear, brief, but could use more meaning. This may be due to more story world details needed in the narrative that would enhance the power of description in the script. As it stands now, my description is focused on the characters’ actions and emotional reactions, but lacks the story world elements.

Given the romantic comedy genre is arguably the most social of all the genres, this could be the result for my description not including robust action shots, out of this world creations and extraneous details that would be found in the other genres.

Yet for my next rewrite, I now have a focal point to concentrate on that hopefully will produce a tighter script for the next draft as far as description is concerned.