Lesson 19: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 4

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two office workers compete for promotion.
ESSENCE: Experience beats brains.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: RENEE Outgoing → Calculating
SCENE:
————————-Begin Scene Description—————
SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.
SCENE ARC:
From: The promise confirmed
to: the other person discovering the secret is out.
RENEE: Prissy, Devious, Calculating, Conformist
Subtext: Renee is a calculating person who knows how to play the Corporate game.
MAXINE: Tricky, Snobbish, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded
Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.
————————-End Scene Description—————

Maxine storms into the office throwing her bag on the floor.
MAXINE
Merde! I didn’t get that Regional Sales job I put in for!

RENEE
La la. Never mind you’re young. You’ve plenty of time. You’ve only been here what six months? It was two years before I got my first promotion.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud! Things move faster nowadays. Anyway if I don’t make that jump now I’ll be stuck in this dingy office with you. I’ll get left behind and end up a glorified PA!

RENEE
Keep your nose clean and who knows? The work’s

MAXINE
Boring! Boring! I don’t have

RENEE
Of course you do…plenty of time. Anyway that’s what you’re paid for.

MAXINE
This? A job for a drone…the little people.

Maxine starts typing on her computer.
MAXINE
Let’s see what that old queutard Dupont is up to. Ah ha! That’ll do me.

RENEE
Monsieur Dupont! What are you up to?

Maxine types on the keyboard.
MAXINE
And done. There. Dupont’s away to a conference in Copenhagen this weekend and they were looking for someone to carry his bags so I’ve booked myself

RENEE
M Dupont is a married man!

MAXINE
is no doubt in need of a good shagging and I’m the very girl. Once he’s taken advantage of me, if he can manage that, he’ll have to give me that promotion or well who knows. This time I’ll get something out off it. That old goat

RENEE
M Dupont was such a good looking man in his younger days and he still cuts a fine figure…very distinguished. I remember

MAXINE
Well he needs a younger woman on his arm not some shrivelled up old hag like Mme. Dupont. Have you seen her?

Renee busies herself with working on her computer.
RENEE
Helen is still very graceful and very kind to all the staff. At the wedding the Chairman gave the most beautiful

MAXINE
La la. Have you got a crush on the old goat? In my experience

RENEE (cont’d)
(firmly)
I could always tell he was destined for the very top.

MAXINE (cont’d)
Oh! You have.

RENEE
I think you’ll find the staff handbook is very clear on office romances. In my opinion you’d be most unwise to

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a fuddy-duddy. What happens at conference stays at conference…as long as certain people know what’s good for them. Anyway if I don’t one of those other young bitches will. Have you seen the way some of them dress – everything on show? Little sluts!

Maxine looks at her computer
MAXINE (cont’d)
What’s keeping that old trout? She’d better not be shooting her mouth off. All she has to do is arrange a few tickets! Was she planning a dirty trip away with him herself?

RENEE
Marion has been M Dupont’s secretary for a long time and no I don’t think so. She and I joined this company at the same time and she’s always conducted herself with the utmost respect for M Dupont.

MAXINE
(laughs)
I was only joking! That garce must the same age as…the very thought is ridiculous…Eweee what an ick!

A knock at the door and two envelopes are handed over. Maxine seizes one and opens it.

MAXINE
That was quick. Maybe she’s not so bad. Le Grande! Two suites! Adjoining! That’s

RENEE
The wrong envelope I think. Look at the name on the ticket.

Renee hands the other envelope to Maxine and takes the first.

MAXINE
But…but that was

RENEE
My name, yes.

Maxine tears open the second envelope.
MAXINE
Where the fuck! Birmingham, England! L’Eurotel! What the fuck is that! And where is Birmingham? What do they even eat there?

Maxine crumples up the itinerary and throws it across the room.

MAXINE (cont’d)
You did this! You and that cow! You

RENEE
Have been in this company a lot longer than you. I didn’t get to go on my first overseas business trip until I’d been here two years – just before I got my first promotion in fact.

[Alfred Dunham]

Sorry, I lost the Forums on my computer, earlier. But yes. this works. You were very direct and easy to follow. You chose to make Maxine confrontational, so you avoided Hal’s observations re: Renee. The rest followed quite well: surprise, suspense, major twist, etc, with the traits fitting like a good glove. I missed the “other” name, so I was confused for a moment, but I easily figured it out.

[Jack Jack Jack Sherry Sherry]

Great ending. This scene would be good for a proof of concept script

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Got in a lot of the ITs and core traits.

Loved the surprise ending, though not exactly a cliffhanger. The obvious implication that Renee had done just the same thing to get a promotion that Maxine was planning to do…

[Brenda Boddy]

A well thought out and inventive story. You used all the traits well.

[Alfred Dunham]

Alfred Dunham – Lesson 19

DRAFT 3

RENEE – Traits

prissy, devious, outgoing, conformist

SUBTEXT: Renee is a devious person who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

MAXINE -Traits

tricky, <s>snobbish</s> (changed to secretive), paranoid, emotionally wounded.

SUBTEXT: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

SITUATION: One person promises the other that they can keep a secret, but really didn’t.

SCENE ARC:

1. From: The promise confirmed.

2. To: The other person discovering the secret is out.

LOGLINE: A devious woman, hoping to convince her friend that she is worthy of the Pastor’s love, paints her friend into every corner but the right one.

ESSENCE: When minding one’s own business is golden.

SCENE: RENEE vs. MAXINE

******

EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Renee observes Maxine emerging from the Planned Parenthood clinic, across the street – watches.

Maxine approaches Rene.

Renee puts an arm around Maxine.

RENEE

Are you okay, Maxie?

MAXINE

Yeah, I’m fine. Why?

Renee nods in the direction of the clinic.

RENEE

You know – Are you sure? You can tell me.

MAXINE

Of course, I’m sure.

RENEE

Then why were you crying?

(beat)

Are you pregnant?

MAXINE

No, Renee. I am not.

RENEE

Then why that place? You know it’s forbidden.

MAXINE

Because they have a female doctor.

RENEE

Is that important?

MAXINE

It is if you don’t like some strange man poking around in — well that’s up to you, but it is to me.

RENEE

But he’s a Doctor, Maxie.

MAXINE

Fine. I still don’t trust him.

RENEE

Oh, no. Sweet Jesus, no. What are you saying? Are you —

(whispers)

–The G-word?

RENEE

Oh, please, Renee. Give it up.

RENEE

Well, Pastor Jim Bob says that place is a den of iniquity —

MAXINE

Dam it, Renee. I know what the Pastor says.

RENEE

Well, okay, but you don’t have to swear at me. I’m. just trying to keep myself pure for –

MAXINE

(interrupting)

You have the hots for Jim Bob?

RENEE

I wouldn’t put it that way.

MAXINE

I give up. Are you sure you can keep a secret?

RENEE

You have to ask?

MAXINE

Well, yeah. It’s personal.

RENEE

I won’t tell a soul. You can trust me on this. Okay?

MAXINE

It’s just… I’ve been told I can’t have children, too many times, now.

RENEE

(gasps)

I am so sorry. I didn’t know –

MAXINE

It’s what it is, Renee. I’ll just have to live with it.

RENEE

But I know you want children.

(beat)

I’ll pray for you. Someday… you will have a family. I just know it.

MAXINE

Thank you, Renee. I still love you – and no, not that way.

RENE

I’m sorry Maxine, but I need to go.

Renee leaves but she does not go far.

Maxine takes a bench seat and watches the children play in the play area.

Partially hidden by park trees, Renee whips out her cell phone and punches-in numbers.

PASTOR JIM BOB, (36), is a jovial, clean-cut, pastor-type person.

INTERCUT — TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

RENEE

Pastor? This is Rene.

PASTOR

Yes?

RENEE

I’m worried. I just watched Maxine leave Planned Parenthood. She was crying.

PASTOR

Why?

RENEE

She said it was because the Doctor said she couldn’t have children.

PASTOR

Why?

RENEE

I don’t know. I don’t believe her. What should we do?

PASTOR

Nothing. Renee. I’ll talk with her.

END OF PHONE CONVERSATION

LATER

Maxine, still watching the children play, is joined by Pastor Jim Bob.

He avoids getting too close – sits a bit far from her.

PASTOR

Someone called and said they saw you leaving Planned Parenthood… crying.

MAXINE

Renee told you about that? She promised she would keep it a secret.

PASTOR

A secret? What secret? Why were you crying?

Maxine laughs

MAXINE

Oh, Bobby. I was just so happy; after all those bad diagnoses in the past, I couldn’t help myself.

PASTOR

Maxine?

MAXINE

(giggles)

Yeah. I’m pregnant.

Pastor Jim Bob laughs – delighted.

PASTOR

Maybe Renee needs to be taught a lesson.

(whispers)

Don’t’ look, but she’s just behind us, trying to hide.

MAXINE

Yes. She’s very nosey.

Pastor Jim Bob scoots close to Maxine, puts his arms around her, and kisses her with passion.

Renee, from her somewhat hidden spot, looks on in horror.

PASTOR

There. That should confuse her.

Maxine laughs.

PASTOR

Maxine – Sweetheart –?

MAXINE

Yes, my husband —

Maxine pulls a wedding band out of her purse.

MAXINE

— I think I’m ready to wear this now.

Pastor Jim Bob places the ring on her finger where it belongs.

PASTOR

You’re sure you’re okay with this, now?

MAXINE

Yes. I’m sorry for being so paranoid, before, but being a pastor’s wife is not an easy thing to be… being judged by all those other women in the church. I was scared. I know how awful some of them can be.

PASTOR

You’ll do fine. I love you. Maybe it’s time we tell the church about our private marriage, with our families – and then the world.

Maxine

Yes.

PASTOR

I think I just saw Renee run away. Maybe I should have a talk with her?

MAXINE

Yes. I was a bit hard on her, but she is such a prissy busybody. And I did tell her I wasn’t pregnant.

PASTOR

Maybe a miracle will happen?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m picking up the traits and subtext more clearly now but what is it that Renee hopes to win? Has she got the hots for the Pastor?

[Alfred Dunham]

Yeah. She’s prissy so she wouldn’t say “yes.” Her reply was, “I wouldn’t put it that way,” which is still a yes. As the truth unwinds, she’s going to be even more blown away. She thought she had a sure thing and was playing the part (“playing a role”). Another, maybe too subtle(?) hint is, she asks the Pastor what “WE” should do. There is no “we.” He’s already married to Maxine.

[Brenda Boddy]

Actually, I found this version much clearer. The point is to improve our writing, which you are doing. If Renee is referring to ‘we’ when the pastor is already with someone else, it might make it more of a tangle if you made it clear that she was vying for his attention and wanted to be important to him. Maybe this is as simple as him approaching the girls right after Renee promises not to tell him. Then when Renee lets it ‘slip’ about the tears, Maxine can be frustrated because SHE wanted to tell her husband the news herself. It might also embarrass Renee because her telling the pastor would not make Maxine look bad but reveal her own pettiness because she is trying to tattle and look attractive for the pastor herself.

[Beth Zurkowski]

Hi Alfred, I’d have Maxine kiss the pastor so it shows shes tricky.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s DRAFT 3: Sinners in Church

Renee’s trait of “prissy” changed to “aggressive”

NOTE: Hal’s critique of that scene agency helped. I thought up a better cliffhanger. Though this is not my best…

===============================================

LOGLINE: A covert hostilities between “sinners” erupts into a verbal brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself perfect and entitled, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

—————————————————–

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME, choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various other costumes.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a strong athlete in her day and still fit, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without Renee noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee angrily [aggressive] places the chairs for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: You’re late, Maxine. I needed your help starting ten minutes ago. [aggressive]

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: My plane was delayed. But glad I’m not missing the meeting or that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): (impatient) You know as well as I do that her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. But you may not have heard that Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. She’s out for the Ladies Auxiliary president as far as I’m concerned.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Don’t be ridiculous. You’re never here, gallivanting off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine is stunned, holding a chair, lost in some past anguish. [wound] Renee yanks it out of her hand and sets it up.

RENEE: Come on, get this done. [aggressive, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine pats her chest, snaps out of it, and goes to work.

MAXINE: Well, meetings are only once a month. I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… And it seems some members are jealous of me. [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to your wealth or you running away as a teen for a piddly weekend. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seeking shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: Don’t be so uptight. A promise is a promise.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine. You got so angry when I suggested we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: What an imagination! Let’s get on with setting up. Help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: (murmuring, sotto voce) At least I’ve kept my promise about your, uh, issue….

RENEE: What’s that?

MAXINE: Nothing, Renee… (sly look) Well, we do need several candidates, so I’ll run, but you can run, too. [tricky] You’re still tough and strong. Women’s hockey champion in school. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I SHOULD be president after all I’ve done for the Auxiliary. [entitled] But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, how about this, I won’t run, IF you will do an earth day this year. [tricky]

RENEE: I resent being bribed.

MAXINE: We could call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea. [tricky]

RENEE: And become a Catholic?! [conformist] God, no… Okay, but no environmental woke stuff like the climate change hoax. The ladies won’t have it. [conformist to the group mores] (blows a PHEW) And if I’m the only one against Helen I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Just imagine, if Helen were president she’d lead us straight to hell. [prediction] It’s bad enough with blowhard Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He’s totally woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN just above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Speaking of the Devil, Reverend Jacobs. We didn’t know you were here. And don’t worry. We have an important election, but we’ll be out of here in an hour.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. I’m just trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could lead you ladies in a prayer and say a few words, maybe something on “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets hot under her collar. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: I suppose you mean who should throw the first stone? Are you mocking us?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… And no, it was something I was working up for this week’s sermon… Well, I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee casts her a scornful glance, then turns to the Maxine.

RENEE: See, what did I tell you, he’s woke. He needs to go.

MAXINE: I agree he’s a bit progressive, Renee. Not a Democrat, of course. But I sorta wonder what “woke” means anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: I can’t believe you don’t know by now… It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, (with emphasis) drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup, wound, secret]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some TWELVE MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: Surely they don’t vote that way.

JOAN: Come to think about it, not for years.

RENEE: As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. My granddaughter insisted. Lots of great trips.

MEMBER 1: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” as you would call it, than us.

RENEE: Who cares, Helen. I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 2: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (angrily) How dare you call us wolves!

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (94). The shouting match ceases with Renee’s last “AND YOU ARE TOO, B-WORD!!

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary president after Hilda was called to her eternal home.

RENEE: Well, this auxiliary needs someone without flaws, tough enough to stand up against all the evil going on.

MEMBER 3: (to Renee) Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… (to the group) As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine. Which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I approached Reverend Peters for help seventy-two years ago. He shielded me from public scrutiny and helped me give the baby up for adoption. And then, bless his heart, married me a few years later and kept my secret the rest of his life.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law! At least for a while. And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie!

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch! They should know about you!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart. Renee takes a chair and slams it against the floor. Members shakes step back away from her.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, Renee, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I should run for president after all.

MAXINE: (fake sweet) And I suggest for our next meeting we really clear the air, that is air out our worst secrets, as Sister Janet did so bravely, especially if they’ve already hit the gossip circuit. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 17 – Write a scene.

LOGLINE: Princess Maxine is getting ready to be married.

ESSENCE: Love makes us do devious things.

TRAIT I CHANGED: Renee is now Prissy, devious, outgoing and JEALOUS.

Maxine is still: Tricky, snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

RENEE (35), elegantly dressed, perky hat atop her blond, styled hair, walks quietly down the lush carpet in sensible heels. She places her hand on a bedroom door and looks up, pausing, a welcoming smile breaking across her face.

RAYMOND (37), dark, tall, statuesque in the military attire of a prince about to get married, approaches from the opposite direction, slowing to look around as he nears Renee. He leans in, as he walks behind Renee, his lips lingering close to her ear.

RAYMOND

I’m sorry, Honey. I’m compelled to go through with this.

Raymond brushes his lips across her cheek and straightens. He marches down the hallway toward his destiny.

Renee’s frozen smile fades away. Her eyes follow him down the hall.

RENEE

(whispering)

Maybe not, my love.

Renee opens the door and strolls into–

INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

–an enormous room filled with the confusion of maids helping bridesmaids into their gowns, attendants handing our flower bouquets, and make-up artists putting final touches on the girls. The room is filled with laughter and chatter.

Renee walks through the clamor, her eyes scanning the group, and enters–

INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

–a stunning white and gold bathroom fit for a queen. A young, blond bride, MAXINE (18), stands looking at a note as a stylist fusses with her hair.

Maxine looks up, her anxious expression catching Renee’s eyes in the mirror. She pulls away from the stylist with a brief…

MAXINE

Could you give us a minute?

…and shuts the door, turning to Renee.

MAXINE

The rumors are true. I just got a note stating Raymond is seeing an older woman.

Renee gives Maxine a quick comforting hug.

RENEE

Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I heard that rumor, too. Are you sure this is what you want?

Renee turns to the mirror, tucking a stray strand of hair into place. She pulls out her lipstick, watching Maxine in the mirror.

Maxine leans against the counter, shaking her head, trying to understand.

MAXINE

I didn’t want to believe the rumors. The woman is supposed to be quite a bit older. And not very pretty. Why would he do this to me?

Maxine’s mouth tightens and her hands tremble slightly as she applies the lipstick.

RENEE

The point is…do you want to go through with this? If you do, he’ll probably end up cheating on you. Do you really think he loves you? Or is he just doing this because you’re young. He obviously wants kids…to continue his blood line.

MAXINE

Of course, I want to marry him. How can you even ask that? I just…thought he loved me. That he had quit his playboy life when he asked me to be his wife.–Oh, my God. I bet the bitch is here at the wedding. Watching us.

Renee turns to Maxine, folding her into her arms.

RENEE

I’m so sorry this is happening. We can still stop this. Do you want me to get you out of here?

MAXINE

You’re such a good friend.

Maxine wipes a tear.

MAXINE

I don’t know if this hurts more because he hasn’t changed his spots, or because the woman is supposed to be old. Doesn’t he realize she’ll be a wrinkled prune in a few years? How can he prefer her over me?

Renee’s eyes narrow and then she SIGHS, straightening Maxine’s headpiece.

RENEE

I know you care about Raymond, but if it’s a loveless marriage for him, you’ll be stuck. Second fiddle to a mistress.

MAXINE

He confronted me about the bulimia, you know. I was so embarrassed. But he said he understood the pressure I’m under. I thought that meant he had feelings for me.

RENEE

I didn’t know. And I sure didn’t tell anyone. I imagine the staff would know if you were throwing up. They must have said something.

MAXINE

I guess I just need a moment to think. And I have to pee. Can I have a sec?

Renee steps toward the door.

RENEE

I’ll be outside.

Maxine nods somberly and shuts the door. She lifts her bulky skirts and settles over the toilet.

She pulls a small strip from her bra and sticks it under her dress.

Our attention follows the strip as she places it on the counter. We watch a thin blue line appear as we hear Maxine wipe and straighten herself.

Maxine leans over the counter and studies the strip. She carefully wraps it and flushes it down the toilet. She looks in the mirror, fluffs her veil, and a slow satisfied smile covers her face.

She pulls out her phone and dials, tapping her finger against her teeth, gleefully.

MAXINE

(low sultry whisper)

I won’t be able to see you until after we return from the honeymoon, darling. It looks like our child is going to be raised as a prince.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’d like to see Renee being a bit more outgoing – working the room, lots of air kisses, hugs and hellos.

With Maxine I get tricky but not so much the rest: snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

Certainly an interesting situation (I wonder if the child will be ginger?) and the ending hits the spot.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow, what a cliffhanger and twist. I think Maxine does sound snobbish about the age thing… it almost seems she knows Renee is the other woman. As for emotionally wounded, I’m thinking this is something that is happening now — she’s getting wounded by going into a loveless marriage and having to sneak around it to have her love. Or maybe her own parents were divorced or had a loveless marriage… Maybe she’s paranoid about the other woman or others perhaps finding out her secret, which could be a cliffhanger topper to your cliffhanger….

[Brenda Boddy]

You’re absolutely right. I can see where it needs to be improved. This is why feedback is so great.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Brenda Boddy.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Brenda Boddy.

[Jo Nickel]

Lesson 19

Use Max Entertainment Part 2 techniques (inherently dramatic character traits, challenging situation and interest techniques)

SITUATION: One person promises the other they have kept a secret, but really didn’t.

LOGLINE: The top five winners of the Miss Norton Pageant end up disqualified for failure to adhere to the pageant rules.

ESSENCE: to win the game, follow the rules.

TRAIT I CHANGED: Maxine’s trait from paranoid to nosey.

SCENE:

INT: HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM, NORTON, KS – NIGHT

The Miss Norton Scholarship Pageant in progress…

The spotlight is centered on the emcee, a forty something and balding, tall, dark, handsome, local radio jock, dressed in a rented tuxedo as he enters down stage right.

EMCEE: That was such a wonderful vocal rendition of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” from our very own Miss Kansas 2000.

The audience applauds.

The singer exits right as the fifteen contestants enter and stand in a line.

EMCEE: Okay folks the tension is rising. The judges have completed their ballots for the five semi-finalists. One of these girls will become Miss Norton and will represent the Norton district at the Miss Kansas Pageant.

Last year’s Miss Congeniality hands the emcee the first envelope. He opens it and announces…

EMCEE: The fifth runner-up is Atwood’s Denise Mecheck.

Miss Mecheck walks downstage center where she receives a moderate bouquet of sunflowers (the State flower) from last year’s Miss Norton.

Disappointed, she walks off stage left. The audience gives her polite applause. Miss Congeniality hands the Emcee the second envelope. He opens it.

EMCEE: Now…the fourth runner-up is Oberlin’s Miss Daisy Davenport.

Miss Davenport gracefully walks downstage center where she receives a moderate bouquet of sunflowers. Smiling through her pain, she exits stage left. The audience gives her a round of applause.

EMCEE: Now…the third runner-up scholarship goes to…Cassie Olsson from Long Island.

Miss Olsson follows the same routine as did the above contestants. The audience with more enthusiasm applauds. The two girls left on stage can hardly contain their excitement.

EMCEE: One of these tow lovelies will become Miss Norton. The first runner-up will take Miss Norton’s place if for some reason Miss Norton is unable to complete her reign. The last envelope, please…

The two girls on stage anxiously hold one another’s hands and struggle to maintain their composure. Through their clenched plastic smiles they whisper to one another.

MAXINE: That crown is mine. My daddy donated to the Pageant fund. Money talks.

RENEE: Sex talks louder.

MAXINE: What? No! You can’t mean…not a judge?

RENEE: Sam Lewis is my true love. Don’t tell anyone or I will kill you.

MAXINE: Your secret is safe with me.

EMCEE: The first runner-up is Miss Maxine Hamilton from Almena.

Maxine and Renee scream and kiss one another on the cheek.

The audience goes berserk with screaming, yelling, whistling and clapping their hands. Maxine receives her flowers and exits the stage. All attention is focused on the new Miss Norton.

Last year’s queen removes her crown and places it on Renee’s head. The sash is fastened and a full bouquet of sunflowers is placed on her arm.

EMCEE: Miss Norton, Renee Randal , take your queen’s walk. The audience stands, giving her enthusiastic whistles, shouts and applause. Smiling and with happy tears, Renee walks the runway, waving to her audience with her free hand. She completes her queen’s walk and exits stage left with two reporters following.

EMCEE: That concludes our pageant and what a nail biter it was! The contestants and their chaperones are asked to meet in the green room for photographs. The audience may wait in the hallway to greet the contestants and get autographs.

The emcee is about to turn off the mic when…

A VOICE: Wait! There’s another announcement, please.

A short, round, silver haired woman gives the emcee a note.

EMCEE: Ladies and gentlemen, there seems to be a slight problem in the green room, Mr. Frost’s History classroom #4, that requires the Pageant Board’s presence—pronto!

Three men in Tuxedos and three women in evening gowns and tiaras leave their seats and dash out stage left to the green room.

EMCEE: That’s it for this year, folks. Remember, this would be a good time to get in your scholarship contributions. You can find the cards and box at the back of the auditorium.

The emcee turns off the mic. The stage lights go dark.

The sound of muffled shouts, a crash and a scream comes from backstage—inside the green room.

VOICE (OS) Call the police!

INT: GREEN ROOM – NIGHT

A chick fight. Yelling. Screams. Chaos.

The girls engage in throwing fist punches, kicking, hair pulling, biting, scratching, beating one another on the head with their high heeled shoes and tearing at one another’s pageant gowns.

Maxine retreats from the estrogenic mob and sits, sulking in a corner.

Renee, enjoying the fight, continues with punching anyone who comes near, including one of the girls’ chaperones.

Beau Harris, the Pageant Board President, 40ish, tall, charismatic, with a booming voice enters, removing his tie and loosening his collar.

Harris enters. Behind the door he finds a tearful Denise Mecheck holding up her torn purple gown.

HARRIS: What the hell is going on? Ladies…calm down. Let’s talk.

Opal Kennedy (50 something) a short, stout, red headed woman with huge eyes behind thick glasses, and a pageant board member bustles in. Opal emits an ear-piercing whistle.

The girls stop fighting and stand silent, surveying one another’s ruined gowns, hair styles while dabbing bloody lips.

Daisy Davenport collapses onto the floor, battered, bruised and bleeding. She sobs. Opal tends to Daisy then uses her cell phone to call for an ambulance.

OPAL: Gosh, I think her arm is broken. (to the girls) You girls ought to be ashamed of yourselves. This is not the way ladies conduct themselves. Shame on you!

When Opal turns her attention back to Daisy, Maxine silently mouths Opal’s words, mocking her. The girls hide their smiles.

Two City Police Officers enter in uniform. One officer seeks out Harris.

OFFICER #1: What’s going on here!

HARRIS: it seems our beauties got into a chick fight. They seem to have calmed down…finally. Just stand along the back wall. I think that will be all that’s needed.

OPAL: Who is your chaperone, dear?

DAISY: Clara Smith. I have her number on my cell…where it is.

OPAL (to Harris): Her chaperone needs to accompany her to the hospital and contact her parents.

One of the contestants retrieve the cell phone from under the teacher’s desk. While Opal talks on the phone, the ambulance crew arrives with a gurney. They load Daisy on it and the two police officers assist with the doors. The siren, loud at first, fades as it goes further away.

OPAL (to Harris): I’ll go round up the other board members. Where should I look?

MAXINE: (looking down her nose) The Silver Circle bar. That’s where the trashy people go.

OPAL: I’ll deal with your attitude later.

Opal scurries out the door. Maxine imitates Opal’s short legged walk. The girls giggle.

BEAT

Suddenly, two contestants burst out in laughter. They laugh so hard they collapse into chairs that previously served as shields. One by one the others see the humor in the situation and join in the laughter.

RENEE: Damn it. I gotta pee. Quit laughing. I can’t hold it.

RENEE exits on a run. The other girls laugh even harder.

POLICEMAN #2: What the hell…

HARRIS: I swear I’ll never understand women.

LATER…

The pageant Board sits on one side of a table and the top four scholarship winners sit on the opposite side facing the Board. The members are Opal, Fiona, Maggie, Harris, Kennedy, and Peterson. The chaperones are seated behind the girls.

HARRIS: As president of the Pageant committee I’ll start this meeting. I’m insisting that reasonable decorum be observed. A couple of chaperones have advised the board that one of our finalists has not adhered to our rules.

The girls exchange knowing glances. Two smirk.

HARRIS: I assure you this is no laughing matter. Becky is Renee’s chaperone. Please tell us the information that was told to you.

BECKY (stands) Unfortunately one of our girls has been having an affair with one of the judges.

Gasps come from the Board.

RENEE: You bitch! You told!

MAXINE: I didn’t mean to, honest. I told my chaperone to get it off my chest.

RENEE: Your padded chest.

MAXINE: Padding isn’t against the rules. You said so.

RENEE: I will kill you, bitch! Ho!

Renee lunges toward Maxine. Police Officer #1 catches her by the waist. Tenee flails her arms and legs and attempts to bite the police officer’s arm.

POLICE OFFICER: Settle down or I will have to cuff you.

HARRIS: You girls had knowledge of this and you didn’t say anything before the pageant?

Their heads look down.

FIONA: This means that Renee forfeits her crown to the first runner-up, Maxine.

RENEE: Over my dead body! Don’t ya all know Maxine is sleeping around. She’s a lesbian.

MAXINE: That’s not against the rules. You told me. And I told you about my rape. I was only twelve. I am still healing from that so I stay away from men. (softly) Your left eyelash is crooked.

Renee digs through her handbag, takes out her compact and repairs the eyelash and applies lip gloss.

PETERSON: I say neither one of these girls represent the morality we promote through the pageant.

HARRIS: Are you saying we give the crown to the third runner-up? Can we do that?

PETERSON: I have five daughter. I know that is the only way to squash the feud for good.

HARRIS: Are there any hidden facts about Miss Olsson we need to know about?

MAXINE: Cassie got MIP’ed last week at the Pavilion dance hall.

CASSIE: How do you know? You were there?

RENEE: (cackles) That disqualifies her.

CASSIE: At least I didn’t do time at the crowbar hotel like shy Miss Denise. She got a DUI.

MAXINE: She’s a Bohunk. They’re all drunks.

HARRIS: This is getting worse by the minute!

MAGGIE: That leaves Daisy who is in the hospital.

HARRIS: Anything we should know about Daisy?

MAXINE: I heard she was crowned Miss Kansas Swine Queen before she moved here. Oink! Oink!

The girls laugh. Opal scowls.

OPAL: How long ago was that? Does anyone know?

The girls remain silent.

OPAL: I’ll text my husband. He golfs with all the School Superintendents.

KENNEDY: What about the Miss Congeniality scholarship?

HARRIS: I don’t see any reason to deny Maxine that award since it was voted on by the girls and not the judges. She won’t be going to Miss Kansas. It’s our own local award.

PETERSON: I concur. Any objections?

The Board members shake their heads indicating there were none.

MAXINE: Thank you.

OPAL: The Davenports moved here three years ago. My husband thought Daisy was barely 18 when she won that pageant. There were only three other contestants.

MAXINE: Oink! Oink!

RENEE (cackles) She’s disqualified!

HARRIS: Shit! This is one hell of a situation. What the hell do we do now?

[Beth Zurkowski]

Hi Jo, I love this script. Well done.

[Beth Zurkowski]

<div>

Lesson 19 QE cycle #4

Logline: two high school cheerleaders can’t keep a secret.

Essence: Cheer leading is more important than doing the right thing.

trait changed: Maxine’s trait of being snobbish to competitive

</div><div>

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM-NIGHT

</div>

Cheerleaders Renee and Maxine are the only ones in the locker room. They are getting dressed to go home. Renee is wearing jeans and a Polo shirt with Crocs. Maxine is getting dolled up in nice clothes.

MAXINE

Renee, can you keep a secret?

RENEE

Of course Maxine.

MAXINE

Okay, well, I was raped by Ralph and now I’m preggers.

RENEE

Ralph Mcquire? Oh no are you okay? How did it happen?

MAXINE

I’m okay I guess. Ralf can be so mean sometimes. It was just a date and it happened behind the bleachers. Renee you just have to keep it a secret.

RENEE

You can trust me. Are you gonna quit cheerleading?

MAXINE

No.

RENEE

I think it would be best for the baby if you quit.

MAXINE

But that would probably give away my secret. Besides I’m having too much fun.

RENEE

Are you keeping it?

MAXINE

I don’t know.

RENEE

You better not get an abortion.

MAXINE

Why not?

RENEE

Life begins at conception,ya Know. I wouldn’t want to call my Bestie a murderer.

MAXINE

I’m too young Renee. And If I get heavier I can’t be on top of the pyramid anymore.

RENEE

(Under her breath)

Maybe I’ll have a chance after all.

MAXINE

What did you say?

REnee grabbed her phone and started texting.

RENEE

Nothing. Just remembering some homework.

MAXINE

Oh my god what are you doing on your phone?

RENEE

Chill out. I was just texting.

MAXINE

What about? Let me see.

RENEE

No.

MAXINE

(gasps)

You told loud mouth Ruth. It’ll be all over for me.

RENEE

Suits me fine, bitch.

MAXINE

(under her breath)

Fine, I know just what to do.

Maxine smiles evilly.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Beth Zurkowski.

[Yannis Zafeiriou]

NB. I messed up and watched the video critique before I rewrote the scene with the changed trait. I deleted draft 1 and posted draft 2 in lesson 17, so I’m just including it here again. As always, please let me know if you want to exchange critiques. Thank you!

—

Lesson 17: QE4, Draft 2 (All my previous scenes have been exercises in genre. The first one was comedy, the second horror, the 3rd SciFi, and for this 4th one, I chose soap opera). I think I ended up using about 17 interest techniques, though I really tried to use all of them.

Situation: RENEE promises MAXINE that she kept the secret, but really didn’t.

Scene Arc: From: THE PROMISE CONFIRMED To: MAXINE DISCOVERING THE SECRET IS OUT

Logline: MAXINE has intel on a party with lots of food and comes up with a plot to get it, with the help of her lover, RENEE. However they come across severe and life-threatening competition.

Essence: MAXINE realizes she has to make a tough choice.

Trait I changed: Maxine: From Snobbish to Protective.

Maxine: Tricky, Protective, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded.

Subtext: MAXINE is a tricky racoon who plots to get what she wants.

Renne: Prissy, Devious, Outgoing, Conformist.

Subtext: RENEE is a devious raccoon who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

Scene:

EXT. BOUGIE PRESCHOOL – NIGHT

From the inside of a storm drain, two eyes are trained on the BOUGIE EASTSIDE PRESCHOOL. This is MAXINE (a mature female raccoon.) The black mask around her eyes is flecked with dirt and her rough, muscular hands betray years of fighting and providing.

She watches, unblinking as a human woman locks the front door, dumps two large TRASHBAGS in the trash bins, gets in her car and drives away.

Maxine hears a sound and turns to see who approaches.

MAXINE I was beginning to worry about you.

Maxine is joined by RENEE (another female raccoon.) Renee is younger and smaller than Maxine, and looks somewhat gentler. Her coat is lustrous and flecked with rich dark brown. Her hands look like she’s never worked a single day in her life.

RENEE The ambulances. They give me migraines.

MAXINE Well, everyone’s gone. You’re safe.

Renee shows off her freshly manicured hands. Maxine holds her hands softly.

MAXINE So soft! No-one saw you? Right?

RENEE Yes. And I told nobody at the salon, like you asked.

MAXINE You swear?

Renee lets go of Maxine.

RENEE On the mighty Azeban.

Renee secretly crosses her fingers behind her back when she swears.

RENEE It is quite dirty in here, love bug.

MAXINE This place has the best food you’ve ever scraped off the bottom of a trash can. Spring rolls, ribs, lasagna… A feast fit for my queen.

RENEE Oh Maxxy, you spoil me.

MAXINE I’m gonna smother you in vegan non-dairy whipped topping–

RENEE Shouldn’t we share it with the others? Take care of them?

MAXINE Like they took care of me when my family’s home was burned down?! No. This is just for you, the only one who stood by me.

With a dramatic flourish, Renee faints. Maxine drops down beside her.

MAXINE My love, Renee, what happened? You’re not… pregnant again, are you?

Renee quickly recovers.

RENEE How could I be? You know you’re the the only sow in Atwater Village who has my heart. (beat) It must just be… a brain tumor.

Maxine holds her closer.

MAXINE Say it isn’t so! Is that why you were with your doctor and ex-lover, Dr. Derek Procyon, today in the park?

RENEE You FOLLOWED me? How could you?

MAXINE I’m sorry, Renee. I have trust issues. You would too, if you were raised by my mother, the great Angelica Coon.

RENEE It was nothing. I saw Derek at the gala for the Raccoon-Rabbit Alliance last month–

MAXINE So then it’s true? You’re sleeping with the good doctor, you must be.

RENEE Of course not. I would NEVER. He smells like… well, like the inside of this sewer.

MAXINE My mother, the great Angelica Coon, said you were a filthy lying bitch. But I didn’t want to believe it.

RENEE Oh my darling. I can’t keep lying to you. The truth always has a way of coming out. I admit it. It’s Derek’s.

Renee gently caresses her own tummy.

RENEE And it’s twins.

MAXINE You promised me that was all in the past for you!

RENEE It’s what is expected of me, for the good of the Nursery!

MAXINE Then I suppose I’m the one with bad news. Derek’s paternity test came in today. Harlan is his father. Which means…

RENEE Derek is my… (beat) half brother?

Renee is visibly shocked and devastated. But somehow regains her composure. She turns her back on Maxine.

RENEE How did you see the paternity test? It was supposed to be delivered only to me.

MAXINE I forged your signature.

Renee turns to face Maxine.

RENEE You controlling bitch.

Maxine turns around and climbs out of the storm drain.

She heads for the trash cans, then stops and turns back to Renee.

MAXINE You know, I always hated cliches. But the popular girl just broke my heart.

With her back turned to the trash, Maxine misses the multiple shadows that approach the trash bins. Renee doesn’t.

RENEE Maxine! Wait!

Maxine still has no idea what she walks into.

MAXINE I said what I said. And if my mother, the great Angelica Coon has taught me anything, it’s to always have the last word. Good day to you, Renee. Karma’s a bigger bitch than me and you combined.

Maxine finally turns around at the sound of growling. FIVE COYOTES have snuck between her and the trash.

Oh crap. The coyotes surround her. She turns to Renee.

MAXINE You swore! On the mighty Azeban! And you betrayed me… to them?

RENEE I would never betray you to…

Renee turns up her nose at the very thought of it.

RENEE The Cartel.

Maxine slaps Renee with all the force of her mother, the great Angelica Coon. Renee blanches. The coyotes howl.

MAXINE I will never forgive you for what you’ve done.

The biggest, most mangy coyote, JOSHUA, approaches Renee. He licks his lips.

JOSHUA You ladies are looking good enough to eat.

Renee slaps Joshua with all the force of Maxine’s mother, the great Angelica Coon.

Joshua wipes a trickle of blood off the corner of his mouth and laughs. He turns to his fellow coyotes.

JOSHUA Ho Ho, boys. You know I love my meat… tough.

He ventures closer to Renee and Maxine, they both back away.

RENEE (to Maxine) I told you I am not working with The Cartel.

Maxine steps in front of Renee.

MAXINE Get behind me, Renee.

Renee cowers behind Maxine. Joshua and the rest of the coyotes advance on them.

DEREK (O.S.) Back away, Joshua.

The coyotes are surrounded by a nursery of additional raccoons.

JOSHUA Well, well, well… If it isn’t Derek Procyon!

DEREK It’s Dr. Derek Procyon.

JOSHUA Haven’t seen you since the dumpster heist went bad and you left me holding the bag when you ran off to medical school.

Derek steps in front of Renee. Maxine hisses at him.

DEREK That’s my baby in there.

RENEE It’s twins, Derek! Just like you and your evil twin brother, the crooked foreman, Evan Procyon!

Derek doesn’t break eye-contact with Joshua.

DEREK Twins do run in my family, but that wouldn’t have anything to do with you.

RENEE Except that we are family, Derek. Harlan is your father!

Derek turns to face her.

DEREK No. I never knew my father.

Maxine steps in between Derek and Renee.

MAXINE Except you knew him all along. He wasn’t just your father, he was the Captain of Black Mask Industries, the fastest-growing eye-mask conglomerate in the world, headquartered here in Atwater Village.

Joshua is shocked at this revelation. HARLAN steps forward.

HARLAN And I’ll be damned if a bunch of degenerate thugs threaten the lives of my grandchildren.

Harlan gestures to Derek and the rest of the raccoons.

They all hiss and snarl at the outnumbered coyotes, who make a hasty retreat.

HARLAN You will pay for what you have done to this family, Joshua!

Joshua turns back in retaliation and raises his fist.

JOSHUA I will destroy Black Mask Industries!

He scurries away. They all do, chased by the rest of the nursery.

Derek stays back and looks on, as Maxine takes Renee’s hand.

MAXINE I’m sorry for accusing you of betrayal, it’s just. My mother–

DEREK The great Angelica Coon–

MAXINE The great Angelica Coon. I should have trusted you.

RENEE All is forgiven.

Maxine sniffs towards Derek. She levels her eyes at Renee.

MAXINE I just have one question… How did he know where to fins us?

Renee looks to Derek conspiratorially.

MAXINE I knew it. You didn’t sell me out to The Cartel. You sold me out to your new lover. You look like a possum and smell like a skunk, you trash-eating, brother-loving whore!

Maxine slaps Renee with the force of her mother, the great Angelica Coon.

Renee slaps her right back. The great Angelica Coon would be so proud.

RENEE I could not just stand there and watch you steal this glorious food from our community. Shame on you. The Nursery provides for all members of the Nursery.

MAXINE What are you saying?

RENEE For once in your life, stop blaming everything on your mother, the great Angelica Coon. I don’t love Derek, I only mated with him for the good of The Nursery.

Derek looks genuinely hurt at this.

RENEE I love YOU. Make a choice, Maxine: An all-you-can-eat buffet, or me?

Maxine looks to the heavens for an answer.

In the night sky, backlit from the light of the full moon, an imposing, yet elegant apparition smiles down at Maxine.

It is the spirit of her mother, the great Angelica Coon (if Joan Collins were a raccoon.)

Maxine looks at the trash, then she looks at Renee.

Then she looks at the spirit of her mother again, the great Angelica Coon.

MAXINE I know what I must do.

[Jack Jack Jack Sherry Sherry]

Logline: Maxine gets her secret off her chest, but it backfires. Renee has her own secrets, but they come back to haunt her as well.

Essence: Renee and Maxine are two peas in a pod.

Trait changed: Maxine from tricky to naïve.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

A dimly lit, elegant restaurant. RENEE (30’s), sitting up in her chair with an air of sophistication, listens intently to MAXINE (20’s) as she takes a sip of wine.

MAXINE (nervously laughing)

She might as well have been wearing a clown suit.

Renee smiles politely.

RENEE

I know everyone loves stories of what Emily wears to the club, but I had a feeling you brought me here to tell me something else.

Suddenly Maxine has apprehension written all over her face. The tension between them is palpable.

RENEE (smiling sweetly)

Maxine, darling, I want you to know that you can trust me with anything

MAXINE (nervously)

Thank you, Renee. It could ruin everything if this gets out.

RENEE

Is it about Emily? Rest assured, Maxine. I will guard it as if it were my own. Your secret is safe with me.

Renee’s eyes get serious as she tries to show appreciation for Maxine’s predicament.

Maxine exhales, a mix of relief and apprehension.

MAXINE (sincerely)

I appreciate your loyalty. Okay, so, …. I had an affair with Charles.

RENEE

Emily would kill you. And your husband’s business partner! This could crash the company.

MAXINE

Nobody will ever find out. It was just a couple of weeks, you know, and it’s over now.

Renee shrugs.

RENEE

No harm, no foul. Nobody ever needs to know.

MAXINE

I just wanted you to know because you could tell something was wrong. But it’s over.

RENEE

You can always confide in me. I love you, girl.

MAXINE

Maxine tears up, wipes her eyes.

I need the rest room. You?

RENEE

No, I’m good.

Maxine stands and leaves. Renee pulls out her phone, makes a call.

RENEE

Mortgage your house and short Charles’ company’s stock.

There’s some news about to break, but it won’t come out until you tell me you placed the trade.

Pause while she listens.

Deal. You can pay back the loan and she’ll never know, and neither will my husband. We’ll make enough to live in Hawaii together the rest of our lives. I love you.

She hangs up, takes a satisfying sip of wine and relaxes, smiling.

Maxine returns. She gets a text as she sits down, reads it, is shocked.

Her eyes widen.

MAXINE (with a mix of anger and fear)

You snake!

RENEE (coolly) Oh, Maxine, don’t be so melodramatic. In the real world, secrets are simply tools to be kept for future use. Circumstances change, and secrets become… you know, bargaining chips.

Maxine’s face contorts with anger and desperation.

MAXINE (desperately) I thought we were friends!

RENEE (smugly) Friends are merely pawns in the game of life, my dear.

Maxine’s voice trembles with a mix of vulnerability and defiance.

MAXINE (defiantly)

I won’t let you ruin my life, Renee. I know things about you, too.

Renee’s gaze hardens, her determination evident.

RENEE (coolly) Do what you must, Maxine. In the end, it’s every woman for herself.

The air between them crackles with tension as they lock eyes, both fully aware that their friendship has been shattered.

Renee stands and leaves, a smirk on her face.