Lesson 2

[Deb Johnson]

Deb Puts Essence to Work

What I learned… Finding the essence can completely change the course of your story. By taking a few key scenes and finding their essence, I was able to find the core for my main character… which, in turn, helped me find the core of my story. I can now see that my story falls along the lines of “don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.” As a journalist, Gabe, the lead character should know this, but he suspends his disbelief when he’s brought back to his old hometown. He has a distorted view of his past.

Script I choose: “Last Words” (genre: Horror)
Logline: A cursed typewriter writes the last words its victims utter before they die.

Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
Logline: When destroyed, an old manual typewriter iterates into a modern electric typewriter.
Essence I’ve discovered: Expose the monster and how it iterates.
New Logline: A Cuneiform tablet is smashed and, in its place, materializes a papyrus and reed pen.

Scene 2 Location: 1st Turning point at the end of Act 1
Logline: Gabe witnesses the death of the typewriter’s first victim, Tunney, and hears him utter his last words.
Essence I’ve discovered: The monster distorts its victims’ perceptions.
New Logline: Tunney is killed when he picks up a downed electrical wire as if he were picking a flower.

Scene 3 Location: Midpoint
Logline: Gabe visits Grandma Hollister and learns the truth about the typewriter.
Essence I’ve discovered: Gabe trusts the veracity of an old blind lady.
New Logline: Gabe’s perception of the typewriter changes when he accepts Grandma Hollister’s story as true.

Scene 4 Location: 2nd turning point at the end of Act 2
Logline: Gabe realizes he’s been manipulated by everyone.
Essence I’ve discovered: Gabe can’t trust anything he’s seen or heard.
New Logline: Tunney isn’t dead, and neither is Aaron – Gabe thinks the typewriter is a hoax.

Scene 5 Location: Crisis
Logline: Lisa, the love interest, is killed. Gabe is on his own. Will he die with the others? Or will he survive?
Essence I’ve discovered: The typewriter is cursed, and its predictions are real.
New Logline: The others begin to die, just as the typewriter predicted. What will Gabe do now?

[Christopher Fallon]

Hey Deborah,
That sounds really good. I’d love to see how your scenes changed in the re-writing. Is it possible to post a couple of examples?
best wishes,
Chris

[Deb Johnson]

Hi Christopher,
Thanks for your encouragement and interest. Right now the script is in a bit of disarray – like a piece of clay that's been slapped down to be reshaped. So, I'm not confident with any of the changes – just yet. However, here is my opening scene. I'll give you the original and then my rewrite. Note: the original opening is backstory that may show up later… again, it's all pretty fuzzy…
Original:
EXT. OWL CREEK BRIDGE – NIGHT
1986
The moon hides behind the clouds.
EDMUND HOLLISTER, 21, tall, strong, and sweating with desperation, stands at the center of the bridge. His Honda Accord idles behind him. He holds an old manual typewriter, circa 1920. Two hundred feet below; a narrow waterway.
He wears a Members Only jacket, pegged acid-washed jeans, and a Swatch watch.
He tries to hurl the typewriter over the edge but it catches the rail and drops on his foot. He cries out in pain.
He picks it up and steps onto the rail, then again, till he is clear of the rail and can see over the bridge. Once again, he hurls the typewriter.
He realizes that his hands are mysteriously glued to the machine. He can’t release it. The momentum pulls him over the edge. Both Edmund and the typewriter plummet.
The clouds part. The moon's eerie glow beams down on the rail.
Moments later, another typewriter, electric, circa 1986, materializes on the guard rail.
FADE TO BLACK.

New Opening Scene:

EXT. MUDBRICK FLOOR BACKGROUND – DAY
3200 BCE
A clay tablet, inscribed with cuneiform letters, is smashed.
Moments later, a papyrus and reed pen materialize.
FADE TO BLACK.

[Christopher Fallon]

Hi Deborah, thanks for getting back to me and taking the time to post your opening scenes. They’re both really intriguing and I want to know more!
Chris

[Blair Marino]

Blair Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is breaking apart a scene to find the essence helps create subtext.
Script I choose: Braids

Scene 1 Location: Chelsea’s hospital room
Logline: Kyle waits for Chelsea to wake up so that he can talk to her about the car accident.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kyle struggles with revealing too much to Chelsea.
New Logline: Kyle is torn between telling the full truth to Chelsea and revealing too much.

Scene 2 Location: ICU waiting area
Logline: Kyle gives Terry an update about Roxie and Chelsea.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kyle struggles with the reality that Roxie could die.
New Logline: Kyle discovers that he has to be realistic about Roxie dying while being truthful to Chelsea.

Scene 3 Location: Kyle’s car
Logline: Kyle inadvertently drives through four-way stop and gets pulled over by the police.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kyle’s anxiety about driving while black is all for nothing.
New Logline: Kyle discovers that being from a well-known family has its benefits.

Scene 4 Location: Kyle’s bedroom
Logline: Kyle startles awake from his phone ringing and notices a goldfinch outside the window.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kyle is surrounded by memories of Roxie.
New Logline: Kyle is mindful that Roxie is no longer with him.

Scene 5 Location: Walker kitchen
Logline: Chelsea surprises Kyle by asking him to braid her hair.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kyle realizes that he has to be Chelsea’s father and mother now.
New Logline: Chelsea attempts at some normalcy by asking Kyle to braid her hair.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Blair Marino.

[Christopher Fallon]

Hi Blair,
Very interested to hear about the subtext. I’d love to see how your scenes changed when you started thinking about the essence of them. Could you post a couple of examples of the scenes you feel have been improved? Thanks, Chris

[Christopher Fallon]

Chris puts Essence to Work
What I’ve learned : Focussing on essence makes it easier to identify what is unnecessary and/or a digression. It forces the question: what is the scene really about?

Scene 1: Opening scene. Small town Kansas. 1947.

Logline: Eighteen year old LUCY is rushed to hospital by kindly neighbors, when she goes into labor, three weeks prematurely.
Essence I’ve discovered: When Lucy and unborn child need help the small community steps up.
New Logline: When Lucy goes into labor suddenly her neighbors are quick to help. She’s precious to them.

Scene 2: p3.

Logline: As Lucy is rushed to hospital an oil tanker truck races down the road in the opposite direction. The truck leaves the road and smashes into Lucy’s house and the houses next to it. Conflagration!
Essence I’ve discovered: Lucy and friends have cheated death by seconds. Was it just astonishing good luck or something else?
New Logline: Were Lucy’s labor pains a warning/alarm, to get her and the neighbors out of harm’s way?

Scene 3 and 3A: p 5

Logline: Next to the charred ruins of the houses, Old Timer neighbor BLAKE tells the assembled PRESS he believes God saved them (too bad about the truck driver). As Lucy leaves the hospital, with new-born child, she is almost blinded by flashbulbs.
Essence I’ve discovered: Lucy, and baby (Laurie) are thrown into the spotlight. And Lucy seems terrified by it.
New Logline: Their survival seems miraculous, but was it Divine intervention or something else? And is this sudden attention for good or ill?

Scene 4: p7

Logline: Lucy and the Miracle Baby are front page news in the Kansas City Star. 45 year old, JAKE BISHOP, a hard-bitten traveling salesman reads the story with keen interest.
Essence I’ve discovered: Bishop is invested in this story somehow, and – we suspect – he may be a malevolent force.
New Logline: Lucy and the baby’s sudden fame attracts the wrong kind of interest, and very likely: danger.

Scene 5: p25. New Orleans, 1965.

Logline: In a high stakes poker game the only female in the game and the youngest by far, wins big.
Essence I’ve discovered: Laurie cheats men out of their money. She’s been corrupted.
New Logline: Laurie, now 18, has learned to use her psychic gifts, but not as a force for good.

[Yvonne Arnett]

YVONNE ARNETT – PUTS ESSENCE TO WORK
What I’ve learned is that I really need to review all my scenes. I believe many of them
will be rewritten to fit the real core of the story. Wow! What an eye opener. Thanks
Ties That Bind
Scene 1 Location: Scene 16
Logline: Private Investigator, Rick, is in a restaurant with a friend when the woman of
his dreams walks by.
Essence I’ve discovered: Rick has not recovered from his wife’s death and wants his
former life back.
New Logline: Private Investigator, Rick, is in a restaurant with a friend when a woman,
Angela, walks by who is a dead ringer for his dead wife.
Scene 2 Location: Scene 22
Logline: After a close friend, Tony is murdered, Angela hires Rick to find out if she is
being followed.
Essense I’ve discovered: Angela is afraid her past might catch up.
New Logline: There is a mutual attraction, so Angela hires Rick to find out if she is
being followed, without revealing her secret.
Scene 3 Location: Scene 77
Logline: Angela attempts to reveal her secret to Rick.
Essemce I’ve discovered: Angela realizes that Rick is in love with the image of his wife,
not who she is.
New Logline: Angela hasn’t been honest with Rick, but neither has he been honest with
her.
Scene 4 Location: Scene 86
Logline: Angela’s friend, Harold, is talking with someone on his cell who knows their
secret.
Essence I’ve discovered: Harold is cowardly and can’t keep a secret.
New Logline: Harold unwittingly plays into the hands of the killer.
Scene 5 Location: Scene 104
Logline: Angela’s secret is finally revealed.
Essence I’ve learned: Both Angela and Rick have an awakening of who they are.
New Logline: Rick discovers what is important and Angela faces her past.

[Deb Johnson]

x

[Lauren Cragg]

putting essence to work
Creative mastery lesson 2
What Learned was that I can actually improve scenes, which I thought I could do better at, but was at a loss creatively
Logline FRANKEN MOM – Ben, a gifted Silicon Valley tween prodigy while inventing an “app” accidently rewires his mom, but software glitches, product recalls and viruses challenge him to get his real mom back.
BTW, this is a script that has been requested by a producer, and I told him I needed to polish it up before I sent it out
Location: Thurman Household
Logline: they are a technologically genius family, but they are so absorbed in their own inventions and awards, that they no longer function as a family.
Essence: they need each other more than they know

Location: Ben’s room
Logline: Ben is a tech prodigy but , a nerd who desperately wants to be cool.
Essence: Ben is already cool, and he has to learn “be yourself, It’s all you’ve got an it’s great

Location: Zest High School Principal’s Office
Logline: the new principal is a former state ranked football coach, who cannot relate to these unathletic techies.
Essence : The principal realizes that these kids have the potential to be real rich and famous, much more that he ever was as a winning coach.

Location: Thurman family’s patent Lawyer’s office
Logline: The family Lawyer Sal Sharkey is trying to get the father, Paul to take a consulting deal with the rock n roll hall of fame whose has a ventilation problem that is destroying their guitars.
Essence: Sal is a shark, who wants to take Paul away from his family just when they need him most the week before the High School science convention

Location: Thurman House
Logline: Paul is leaving for the gig at the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame
Essence: Hie Wife, and the kids Mom Lissa realizes she has to be in charge of the family, but she’s not herself.

[Jan Fantl]

dear class mates,
please accept my apologies for letting you, the class down.
Returning from a six days stint in a hospital – without a lap top and on top no energy to focus on this course- I am back in my habitat and will try to dive into the chapters and assignments missed and to catch up with you.
Maybe that is the situation to use AI to speed me up and work on the same assignments you are already looking at.
speak soon
Jan

[Deb Johnson]

Sorry to learn you’ve been in the hospital – six days is quite an ordeal. I will keep an eye out for your assignments and provide feedback when needed. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[Christopher Fallon]

Really sorry to hear that Jan. I hope you’re making a good recovery and I look forward to seeing your posts, when you have more energy. Best wishes, Chris

[Nick Nichols]

Hey, sorry to hear you’ve been contending with that. Hang in there!

[Jan Fantl]

Jan Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that re fining is potentially a never ending process.
Script I choose: THIRST – Pilot (developed during the `23 binge class)
Scene 1 Location: end of intro
Logline: Oliver and Aide walk towards the HQ, Oliver insecure wether his general wants to see him because of his complaint in writing .
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s about Loyalty
New Logline: Oliver and Aide walk towards the HQ, Aide makes clear he will have his back about the complaint as well as the increasing situations under PTSD.
Scene 2 Location: first third of act one
Logline: Oliver stands in front of his squadron and has to announce the death of two comrades same time with the regime how everyone will have to report who triggered his weapon and the fact the he will be on leave for a couple of days during this mourn and process
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s about Oliver would rather not leave his position but somehow helping the mother is a common must.
New Logline: Oliver informs his squad the he’d be rather in war with them than flying home to mourn at civilian funeral
Scene 3 Location: 2nd sc. 3rd act
Logline: Oliver searches for a way to register at his home to enable him to get access to his parents’ place of murder
Essence I’ve discovered: It is more about, Oliver is has a suspicious reputation from the past – and feels unwanted in his hometown
New Logline: Oliver seeks to register and is told he is not welcome
Scene 4 Location: 3rd sc. 3rd act
Logline: Oliver discovers his late fathers brother in a Resto with Clarice, lying to him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Oliver taps into the hornet nestNew Logline: Oliver discovers his late fathers brother lying to him sitting together with two of his biggest opponents
Scene 5 Location: 1st sc. 4th act
Logline: Oliver meets the police officers in the district where his father had his mortal accident
Essence I’ve discovered: it’s about Oliver feels like a stranger onand on
New Logline: Oliver seeks first informations about his fathers accident and feels like an unwanted stranger again, so many times this day.

[Nick Nichols]

Putting Essence To Work
What I learned is the skill to approach a concept or scene on two levels. One is its essence, and the second is its expression.
Scene 1 Location: Scene 7

Logline: Peter seeks out Jake’s help with deciding whether to take the case.

Essence I’ve discovered: Peter wants Jake to tell him to take the case.

New Logline: Peter seeks Jake’s help in deciding whether to take the case, and Jake gives him the reason why he shouldn’t take it if that’s why he’s considering it.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…
I spent some time going through two of my earliest scripts and found I had captured the essence in general. However, I did discover specific improvements throughout the script that could be made in the narrative as well as typos.
I found only a couple of scenes in one script where the essence could be enhanced as list below.
Script I choose: Piece of Happiness
Scene 1 Location: Supermarket
Logline: Rafael meets Marianna for the first time at the Supermarket where she works at the counter, and is attracted to her in spite of the obvious disparity of their social status
Essence I’ve discovered: The attraction should be both ways, Rafael should evoke some feeling in Marianna that she normally suppresses because of her past trauma as a sex trade survivor.
New Logline: Rafael and Marianna meet for the first time at the Supermarket where Marianna works at the counter. Rafael is attracted to Marianna because of her quiet charm in spite of the obvious disparity of their social status. Marianna is also attracted to Rafael, however suppresses her feelings and interest because of her past trauma as a sex trade survivor.
Scene 2 Charles’ Office:
Logline: Charles, Head of Investment Firm, congratulates Rafael on a successful pitch presentation to a corporate client.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene could have more of an ominous tone with a hint of Charles’ cupidity and corruption.
New Logline: Charles, Head of Investment Firm, congratulates Rafael on a successful pitch presentation to a corporate client. Charles hints of “difficult” choices and displays some of his ruthlessness, preparing Rafael of moral compromises to be made for future success at the firm.