Lesson 2

[Rita Roberts]

Rita Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… maybe I’m delusional but I think my art and portrait painting has tuned me into capturing essence. Happy to go even deeper.

Script I choose: SOURCE
Scene 1 Location: Opening scene

Logline: Sol is born right at the end of the Great War. (meaning present day)

Essence I’ve discovered: Parents connect with their baby born with the sun as a terrible war ends. It symbolizes the new life being brought to the world.

New Logline: Sol is born, naturally and with confidence into a world about to learn its own natural wisdom.

Scene 2 Location: before Inciting Incident

Logline: The rules of this post-war world are laid out.

Essence I’ve discovered: Two young adult friends have grown up together knowing how the calendar and natural world truly works.

New Logline: Knowledge is great and worries are few when you understand how the world actually works.

Scene 3 Location: Next scene

Logline: Sol was born into a world of chaos.

Essence I’ve discovered: Relocating this sequence to highlight the difference that Sol has lived to what her parents experienced.

New Logline: The old world stood in stark contrast to the peace of Sol’s life.

Scene 4 Location: Status quo set up

Logline: Sol and Lucy celebrate the new year with fruit bowls at a street fair.

Essence I’ve discovered: The post-war world has similarities to ours but there are hints of differences.

New Logline: Shared knowledge and connection to earth are the norm and bring a pride in nourishing creations.

Scene 5 Location: Set up for inciting incident 

Logline: Sol proposes their exploration outside the realm.

Essence I’ve discovered: Sol is the scientific explorer, Lucy likes living in her water skills. They have two male friends that needed to be introduced here as integral to the story.

NewLogline: 4 young explorers will bring greater knowledge of the world where we live… by going under water?

[Jeremy Kirk]

Jeremy Kirk Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is there is more to a scene than meets the eye.

Script I choose: Animal Control: Hell in a Cell

Scene 1 Location: First Act
Logline: Zahl the Purifier lands on a desolate dangerous planet to hire Rykron Pygz to go after the notorious bounty hunter Orgo-Juna.
Essence I’ve discovered: This scene is more about Zahl and his cruelty. He forces the Pygz to go into the razor glass sandstorm without protection to test their loyalty to him.
New Logline: Zahl chooses the last remining Rykron’s to hunt down Orgo-Juna and test their faith through sand ripping pain.

Scene 2 Location: First Act
Logline: Orgo-Juna is captured after taking out the Rykron soldiers.
Essence What is really taking place is a shift in power play. Zahl has outsmarted the bounty hunter and now takes hold of the dangerous outlaw.
New Logline: After handling the “Rykron problem” Orgo-Juna finds herself in a trap at the hands of the clever Zahl.

Scene 3 Location: First Act
Logline: Donny abducts Tommy and asks him to help break out Oriktuss, Orgo-Juna and Debra from the dreaded super max prison Kanis Riticulum. Tommy is hesitant and wants his life on earth back, so Donny straps him to chair and kidnaps him.
Essence: The relationship between Donny and Tommy. They are lifelong friends, so when Donny decides to kidnap Tommy for the greater good, it is done out of friendship.
New Logline: Donny lays out the escape plan for Tommy who refuses to help. So, Donny being the friend he is, helps Tommy to see the correct path by abducting him.

Scene 4 Location: Second Act
Logline: Donny is forced to steal another ship to use in the breakout.
Essence: Donny robs another alien at gunpoint and feels bad about possibly signaling he isn’t cut out to be a space pirate.
New Logline: Donny is forced by Tommy, to begrudgingly steal another ship from an alien minding his own business.

Scene 5 Location: Second Act
Logline Oriktuss and Thrasher fight off a pack of Rykron Pygz that Skull Licker has hired to take them out.
Essence: We see both Oriktuss and Thrasher “take out” the Rykron that hunt them in the prison. This established that both have their own way of dealing with problems, one through might the other through cunning.
New Logline: Oriktuss and Thrasher out maneuver and kill the attacking Rykron, even though they are outnumbered. This leaves Skull Licker to be exposed as the coward he is once his Bodyguards are all left in the dust.

• This reply was modified 3 days, 21 hours ago by  Jeremy Kirk.

[mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier]

ASSIGNMENT 2 (Mark Napier) Puts Essence to Work
“What I’ve learned is….?” I learned to focus each scene into reinforcing and supporting the profound purpose of story that is to be delivered to the audience. If the scene offers no value added to the plot then I simply removed it. If the scene was relevant to the plot, but lacked support to the essence of the story then I molded the scene using the character, dialogue, subtext, concept, situation, action or subplot to accomplish refocusing the purpose of the scene to support the essence of the story.
Find five scenes from your own script that you believe missed the
essence.

Script I choose: “Mendacious – Debt of Gratitude” (2024 copyright)

Introduction Location: INTRODUCTION
Logline: Voice Over – The reading sets the stage using sarcastic statement of that accidently portrays the film as a comedy, when in fact the story is serious and dramatic. Essence I’ve discovered: Show, Don’t Tell more effective displaying facts from credible sources that reinforce a profound truth that leaves the audience cliffhanging. New Logline: Fades into the introduction then Dissolves into short paragraphs the audience reads one after the other including statistics and revelation that one US Government Agency did not support the overall effort.

Scene 22 Location: INT – CIA STATION, BAGHDAD, IRAQ – NIGHT
Logline: Mark Logan finds himself about to embark on a midnight rendition operation to secure, disarm and escort an Agency employee for immediate expulsion from the country over an incident that later reveals a ‘Top Secret’ ironic twist.
Essence I’ve discovered: Shorter description is better and narrowing the focus to the revelation of the CIA compartmented program that is central to the story.
New Logline: A CIA officer unexpectantly finds his mission to expel a colleague from country turns into an ironic twist that may be the ‘tip’ of an iceberg – a hidden CIA program.

Scene 23 Location: INT – CIA STATION, BAGHDAD, IRAQ – DAY
Logline: Mark meets with Chief of Station’s Secretary who in turns calls the Station’s Chief of Finance and Chief of Human Resources to finalize Mark’s time and attendance he is filing to get paid. All parties one by one nod their heads in approval of his printed filings.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene does not reflect the essence of the story but is intended to counter what is to transpire later (retaliation) when Mark is falsely accused of a ruse of filing a false pay voucher, despite coordinating with three of Station’s approving officials. Hence, what is needed is to ‘front load’ the essence or purpose of the scene by adding dialogue to introduce the reason for Mark’s sudden departure. New Logline: Mark breaks the news and reason for his early departure to an assembly of Station’s key three officials involved in personnel action and finances, who are surprised, but lays the foundation to false charges that would later follow.

Scene 24 Location: INT – CIA STATION, BAGHDAD, IRAQ – NIGHT Logline: Jaxen is moving quick to conduct personal damage control after the bungling of what was to be a cut and dry rendition operation to expel an individual, but now he seeks to place the blame on Mark. Essence I’ve discovered: Jaxen is taking steps to cover over exposed clues to a CIA program that has been revealed.
New Logline: After removing the contractor masquerading as a military liaison element of the Tikrit cell and securing and wiping both computers in question, Jaxen advises Special Activities Division to notify Peter of the situation at hand and who to sacrifice to discredit.

Scene 27 Location: EXT – CIA STATION FLIGHT LINE, BAGHDAD, IRAQ – NIGHT
Logline: Mark waits to board the Helo for the airfield and sees an adversary PEDRO to give him the middle finger for the hostile work environment he leaves behind that Pedro contributed to.
Essence I’ve discovered: There is no real value added or to be added to the essence of the story in the script (except for a book).
New Logline: Remove the scene.

• This reply was modified 3 days, 18 hours ago by  mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier.

[Artemis Craig]

(Artemis Craig) Puts Essence to Work

“What I’ve learned that my opening scene could easily have worked as my pivotal midpoint scene. Tweaking the scenes help to heighten the tension.

Script I choose: The Value of Blood

Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
Logline: Spencer Walach uncovers a conspiracy in a dimly lit warehouse where he is discovered and ends up paying a heavy price for the truth.
Essence I’ve discovered: The atmosphere is dark leading to peril and secrets that will be discovered throughout the rest of the movie.
New Logline: Spencer Walach is caught by a masked stranger with a pitbull recording evidence of a conspiracy at a warehouse that ends with him crashing into the dark waters below.

Scene 2 Location: Act One (20 mins in)
Logline: Simetra Thomas is visited by her brother, Nevell as she faces underlying tension with a co-worker when she questions Spencer’s accident.
Essence I’ve discovered: Introduces Simetra, Nevell and Devona that have workplace conflict suggesting hidden pressures in finding out what happened to Spencer.
New Logline: A surprise visit from her brother lightens Simetra’s mood is interrupted by Deona Drummond, reveling a deeper conflict surrounding Spencer’s investigation.

Scene 3 Location: Second Act
Logline: Simetra gets devastating news about Nevell’s comatose condition refuses to give up but commits herself to his recovery.
Essence I’ve discovered: Simetra’s value of her blood relationship is highlighted by her determination to do whatever it takes to save Nevell.
New Logline: Simetra arrives at the hospital to find her brother in critical condition. She refuses to accept diagnosis, vowing to fight for Nevell’s recovery.

Scene 4 Second Act (midpoint)
Logline: While searching Nevell’s office Simetra discovers Nevell’s knowledge of the conspiracy surrounding the activities going on in the warehouse.
Essence I’ve discovered: The stakes are raised and the mystery continues to unfold. Simetra is faced with Nevell’s wealth and how he got it.
New Logline: While searching Nevell’s office Simetra stumbles upon files linking him to medical supply companies and a larger conspiracy.

Scene 5 Location: Second Act
Logline: Simetra is overwhelmed by the responsibility of voting Nevell’s proxy and comes face to face with her power as Nevell’s guardian.
Essence I’ve discovered: Simetra goes through transformation as the power of being Nevell’s voice as a shareholder in major corporations teaches her to adapt to the control she inherits.
New Logline: Simetra struggles with voting for Nevell at shareholders meeting but realizes the weight of her decisions and the power she now has.

[Chris Dorsey]

Chris Dorsey Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is to keep looking more in depth at a scene to see if it matches with the intended essence of the scene.

Script I choose: THE COUNSELORS

Scene 1 Location: A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON down South.
Logline: DON meets with recruiter outside the prison entrance and has concerns he will be able to handle the job.
Essence I’ve discovered: DON is applying for a job as a mental health counselor but is himself mentally ill (he has auditory and visual hallucinations of his alter- ego).
New Logline: DON has an important job interview but keeps getting interrupted by his alter-ego, HAROLD, who doesn’t want him to take the job.

Scene 2 Location: Inside the PRISON
Logline: Don, the recruiter, another perspective employee, and the unit manager go on a walking tour of the prison.
Essence I’ve discovered: Harold fights Don on taking the job, but he also has Don’s back & wants Don to be a better person.
New Logline: Don and the others go on a walking tour of the prison, all the while being pushed and possibly supported by the Harold, his alter-ego.

Scene 3 Location: ACUTE CARE UNIT
Logline: Don gets to observe an inmate on observation who was cutting himself.
Essence I’ve discovered: Don has his own demons and wants to help people. 
New Logline: While meeting with an inmate who is on observation for injuring himself, Don makes a gesture or says something to show why he’s really interviewing here.

Scene 4 Location: INTERVIEW ROOM
Logline: Don is quizzed on his knowledge of mental health disorders and passes with flying colors, but Don is still unsure of himself.
Essence I’ve discovered: maybe this isn’t the right place for Don to work — this prison is overwhelming for him.
New Logline: After acing the interview, Don decides this isn’t the place for him.

Scene 5 Location: MEDIUM SECURITY Prison down South.
Logline: Don interviews at another prison where the staff is less professional — quirky — but feels more like home to him.
Essence I’ve discovered: I want to add a scene that shows a more human part to the INMATES and how this makes Don want to work here.
New Logline: Don interviews at a second prison where he feels he can make more of a difference, despite having to work with a quirky staff.

[Claudia Wolfkind]

Claudia Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is… Essence is the core, it’s like an apple core, it’s where the life of the apple starts, the seeds are contained in the core, sheltered, and then the apple (story) grows from there… without the seeds, the true essence of the scene / story the apple would have no meaning.

Script I choose: Clean Sweep

Scene 1 Location: Cleaning Company

Logline: Abby meets Rosa, who challenges her authority, as well as the rest of the maids, and learns the business is failing and in deep debt.

Essence I’ve discovered: Abby feels uncertain, she wants to stand her ground and take authority, but is afraid if she pushes too hard she’ll lose all of her father’s employees.

New Logline: Abby, shocked that her father’s business is in such dire straights, confronts the maids.

Scene 2 Location: Hospital Room

Logline: Abby walks into the hospital room to catch Jack feeding her father a bite of his favorite burger, she goes ballistic.

Essence I’ve discovered: Abby feels guilty that she hasn’t been home in a long time and displays her guilt by needing to be in control.

New Logline: Abby catches Jack feeding her father a bite of his favorite burger and is angry but torn about her relationship with her father vs. Jack’s relationship with her father.

Scene 3 Location: Hospital Garden

Logline: Abby and Jack have their first heart to heart, Abby and Jack both have their secrets.

Essence I’ve discovered: Abby wants to, but is afraid of opening up to jack about her past, which has made her become the damaged person she is today.

New Logline: Abby and Jack spend time in the Hospital Serenity garden, reminiscing the past, but holding back secrets.

Scene 4 Location: Boomer’s Apartment

Logline: Abby help’s Jack move a couch from Boomer’s apartment, which she thinks is Jack’s place.

Essence I’ve discovered: Abby think’s Boomer’s place is really Jack’s, but Jack doesn’t correct her because he is ashamed of his place.

New Logline: When Abby goes to help Jack move a couch from Boomer’s apartment… she mistakenly believes it’s his place.

Scene 5 Location: Jack’s Business

Logline: Jack asks Abby out to dinner

Essence I’ve discovered: Abby is consumed with overwhelming feelings after Jack asks her out to dinner. He obviously is someone who physically doesn’t seem to care about his appearance, though his “apartment” is spotless… and she’s afraid of germs… she relents because she really likes him, while his sloppiness also repulses her.

New Logline: When Jack asks Abby out for dinner, she has to battle her inner demons to say yes.
________________________________________

• This reply was modified 2 days, 16 hours ago by  Claudia Wolfkind.

[Mary Albanese]

Mary Albanese Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… If you go scene by scene, you can punch up a scene by stripping it back to its essense.
Script I choose: DEVIL’S WEED
Scene 1 page 17. Location: Sewing room.
Logline: Eve tries to find Jareth but can’t find his winery and his label’s symbol means poison.
Essence I’ve discovered: Eve discovers Jareth lied.
New Logline: Eve discovers Jareth’s winery doesn’t exist, but hints at poison

Scene 2 Location: Page 21. Eve at home.
Logline: The tech guy shows Eve how to check her outdoor camera footage.
Essence I’ve discovered: Eve finds Jareth DIDN’T break in.
New Logline: Eve checks the footage herself and discovers nobody broke in.

Scene 3 Location: Page 23. Outside on the gazebo Eve and Lilah fight.
Logline: Eve discovers Lilah has withheld a secret.
Essence I’ve discovered: Eve discovers Lilah has withheld something important.
New Logline: Eve forces Lilah to come clean with what she’s been withholding. End scene on Eve, not Lilah.

Scene 4 Location: Page 27. Radio station
Logline: Eve tries to talk to Matt but he asks if it can wait until later.
Essence I’ve discovered: Eve CAN”T even get his attention for a second to talk to Matt.
New Logline: Eve tries to talk to Matt but he doesn’t even realize she was there banging on the window looking for him.

Scene 5 Location: pg 48. Matt at the mental hospital.
Logline: Matt asks the nurse if Eve might inherit her Mom’s insanity.
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt is worried Eve might be showing signs of her Mom’s insanity.
New Logline: Matt tries to hide from the nurse that he fears Eve is showing signs of Mom’s disorder.

• This reply was modified 2 days, 15 hours ago by  Mary Albanese.