Lesson 2

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that AI liked my confrontational scenes between Libby and the Major.

I couldn’t come up with any ideas of making those scenes any better, so I asked AI for help, using this prompt:

“This screenplay scene takes place at Berlin’s Schulenburg Park in August, 1961. The Major insists on taking his new wife and new stepdaughter Stephanie with his 18-year-old daughter Libby who’s meeting a Russian soldier for their first blind date. Libby has seen the Major, her birth father, only four times in her lifetime, and she resents his not trusting her to go to this date alone. Please rewrite the dialogue to make the Major and Libby more confrontational.”

All AI did was insert parentheticals indicating the way each speech was delivered. Egads! I felt comfortable using only two or the twenty or so AI supplied.

Therefore, I decided not to ask for help on the other confrontational scenes I’d picked for this assignment. I couldn’t come up with many improvements, but maybe I will as I continue this Great Dialogue module.

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: Most of my dialogue revealed attack/counterattack but I still had work to do!

One scene I changed:

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Near King Loeghaire’s foreboding castle, Bacrah kneels before Morrigan. He dares meet her eyes.

BACRAH

With what evil deed may I serve you here?

MORRIGAN

Patrick has returned!

The news jolts Bacrah. His gaze flickers back to the castle.

BACRAH

Forgive me, my queen, but may it be that those who fear the bee’s sting see a nest in every tree?

MORRIGAN

You dare question me? He and his follower swarm near, and you will feel his sting!

BACRAH

He will be swatted away! But I have not seen the boy…

MORRIGAN

He is now a man! Driven with the notion of stealing my children from me!

BACRAH

His buzzing is unheard. I do not know —

MORRIGAN

I have no patience for your whining. Find him or feel my sting!

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

© © Lloyd loves Attack/Counterattack dialogue as well.

Banter is a normal part of military structure. What I learned from this assignment is the ability to continue elevate dialogue many times over by using this technique.

Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

Again, I did go through ever line of my script. A technique promoted by Binge Worthy TV my other class. I elevated as much as I could as well as description. Stayed away from passive voice and writing on the head. I also used bantering and attack counterattack on several occasions. I enjoyed the witty exchanges with my characters. Lenore is an excellent writer who is also an excellent technician. She has been invaluable!!! Thank you Lenore!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
Banter is easy and fun to do.

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
A fisherman is determined to catch the fish he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

ASSIGNMENT

5. Give us one scene where you did Attack/Counterattack dialogue well.

EXT. BOAT – DAY – 25 YEARS EARLIER
Jim reaches down and opens the tackle box revealing an old sepia-toned photo inside the lid.
John sees the photo.

INSERT
An old, crack photo of Great-Grandpa holding up a massive catfish.
BACK TO SCENE
JOHN
You know, Great Grandpappy was a great fisherman.
JIM
I know. You’ve told me that before.
JOHN
Well, he was.
John points towards the tackle box.
JOHN
That picture there proves it.
(impressed)
Look at the size of that “Whisker-fish.”
JIM
It’s a big one.
JOHN
You know it! Possibly the largest catfish caught at the time.
JIM
Yeah. Well how do you know that’s Great-grandpa? Did you ever meet him?
JOHN
Shut up. Don’t be dumb. No, I never met him. That’s like a 1,000 years ago.
JIM
Then how do you know?
JOHN
I know it’s our Great-Grandpa because Dad said as much.
JIM
Yeah, what else did Dad say?
JOHN
Well. Great-Grandpa, and Grandpa and Pops, they all spent their whole life fishing. It’s… I suppose, it’s a tradition of ours. As long as there are catfish in these parts we’ll keep pulling them out.
John notices Jim
JOHN
Hey!!! Listen up! This is important.
JIM
Okay, okay. I’m listening.
JOHN
Well, the fish are either shallow or deep…or somewhere in between.
JIM
Really?
JOHN
Yeah, and they bite twice a day. Just before we get here and just after we leave.
JIM
Well, well, well. Aren’t you funny?
JOHN
Hey, pops always told me fishing was meant to be fun. If you’re willing to learn, there’s a lot I can teach you.
An Indian whispering in the breeze, barely audible.
Jim’s ears suddenly perks up.
JIM
You hear that?
JOHN
Do I hear what?
JIM
I’m not sure. Voices?
JOHN
Voices? Out here? Now who’s being the funny one.
JIM
Seriously John, I thought I heard something. Something in the breeze or…

John starts to reel his line in when suddenly he gets a bite.