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Lesson 2 Assignment
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14 Replies
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Subject: Monica’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.
What I learned from doing this assignment is another tool to elevate your draft. Should force you to see where you’re telling the story instead of showing the story (did for me anyways).
2. Make a list of all the reveals in your script. The changes to the script are underlined in italics.
A. Set-up: That the artefact is being pitched to Conall as a device needed to help humanity. (Beginning of Act 1)
What is the demand? Suspense. Why is this artefact so important?
What is being revealed? The artefact changes timelines. (Act 2)
How is it presented dramatically? Harry tells Conall the artefact can help humanity. But Conall declines because he knows Harry is lying. Re-write this scene where a bullet comes screaming into Harry’s office shattering all the glass.
B. Set-up: Conall holds a gun on Jay. (End of Act 1)
What is the demand? Building intrigue – Jay is technologically and evolutionarily superior.
What is being revealed? Jay is an alien. (Act 2)
How is it presented dramatically? Conall holds a gun on Jay, Jay melts the guns. Changes the situation because the “soldiers” are not in control anymore.
C. Set-up: Jay needs ice cream so Conall takes him to a café. (Act 2)
What is the demand? Create mystery – re-write this scene. Has to be more powerful?
What is being revealed? People worshipping their phones. Is civilization even worth saving? (Act 2)
How is it presented dramatically? Re-write. Maybe when Jay comes into the café all electronics stop working. Uncovers another layer.
D. Set-up: The artefact is set up to a quantum computer. (Act 2)
What is the demand? Suspense why does the artefact show the timeline ending in 2030 – this has to be more powerful.
What is being revealed? The artefact only shows the timeline to 2030. (Act 2)
How is it presented dramatically? Starting up the artefact and timelines appear.
E. Set-up: After set up the artefact shows many time streams. (Act 3)
What is the demand? Prediction – all timelines will converge into one and end in 2030.
What is being revealed? All timelines happen simultaneously. (Act 3)
How is it presented dramatically? Re-write to elevate. Twist.
F. Set-up: Conall turned Harry down for the mission. (Act 1)
What is the demand? Something unseen – Harry needs Conall to accept the mission so he manipulates him by killing his family in a fire. Now Conall has no reason not to accept the mission.
What is being revealed? Harry set the fire that killed Conall’s family. (Act 4)
How is it presented dramatically? Right now Harry tells Conall. Re-write so Conall sees what happened in one of the timelines.
G. Set-up: Other forces steal the artefact. (Act 1)
What is the demand? Surprise – why does CERN need the artefact?
What is being revealed? CERN steals the artefact.
How is it presented dramatically? A business card is left in the cave where the artefact was. Uncovers another layer of Jay which foils Conall. Re-write.
H. Set-up: Conall tries to manipulate the timeline to bring his family back. (Act 2)
What is the demand? Surprise – Jay did this for his friend.
What is being revealed? Conall finds his wife and kids alive – the timeline has changed. Jay did this for Conall. (Act 4)
How is it presented dramatically? When Conall drives Jay to the portal he takes him past his ruined house – only to discover the house is there and so is his family.
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Lynn’s Dramatic Reveals!
VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.
THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.
I LEARNED that it is important to keep the suspense as to why this or that, but then reveal it strongly at the appropriate time and preferably under distress.
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A LIST OF IMPORTANT REVEALS IN MY SCRIPT:
ACT 1:
<u style=””>DEMAND: Ellie says she doesn’t want romantic involvement. Why? She seems attracted to Jim.
REVEALED in Act 1: Not only is she suffering “eco-despair” (which is revealed/implied in several scenes up through Act 3) but underlying that, father abandonment (which worsens her despair).
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY (father abandonment): In SCENE 9B, the Marriage Barn scene, her uncle, Rev. Rudy, brings up how he’s tried to be a father to her since her father “went away.” She angrily responds “Abandoned Mamita and me! I hardly remember him. I was just five.” I ADDED: “But it killed Mom. Killed her slowly.” They audience would surmise that’s why she shies away from romance. Then in ACT 3 it is revealed she blames her mother’s cancer death on her father abandoning them — but by Act 3 she’s already in love with Jim and demands that they call the marriage back on because she doesn’t want to end up like her mom.
DEMAND: In Scene 2, class presentation, a denialist claims global warming is a hoax which the great Texas freeze of 2021 and others should have ended. Considering there’s an increase in such unusual freezes, it this proof global warming is a hoax?
REVEALED in Act 1: Ellie responds weakly saying weather events shouldn’t be confused with climate.
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY in Act 1: instead of Ellie sounding like a weak wimp, she responds angrily with sarcasm, giving her a better flaw and also revealing (in next scene) why she has a wrong impression that she’s no good with people because of her anger problems, and (later) why she wants to live like a hermit on Great-uncle Layos ranch (she’s afraid of relationships and how they can harm people, herself & others, also relating to her father abandonment issue). However, is even her stronger response enough to quash denialist arguments? The issue keeps coming up.
REVEALED in Act 4: Layo, Gecko, and Jim explain to Jim’s Uncle Fred that these extraordinary freezes are actually caused by climate change, specifically warming in the Arctic.
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY/HUMOROUSLY in Act 4: Layo sasses Fred with how to do averages (re global AVERAGE temps) and “So you don’t know pig shit about how Arctic burning brings severe freezes down south?” Gecko in Sheldonlike fashion gives the geeky science answer: “Yes, studies find that Arctic amplification and sea ice loss are linked to disruptive stratospheric polar vortex stretching, which delivers severe cold waves to mid-latitudes.” And Jim concurs. Ellie softens it with “But you’re right, Tio Fred, climate change doesn’t cause deep freezes… or heatwaves, it just makes them more likely.” Layo explodes with her use of “tio” for Fred, his arch enemy. When Fred disses Gecko, Jen angrily defends him — tying up that minor part of the story (Gecko gets a gal, now that he can’t get Ellie).
NOTE ALSO: There are lots of scenes where the weather is hotter than usual, tricky weather (hot, then cold, then hot), and at the end there is the worst-ever freeze. Some of this is revealed through the clothing they wear: short-sleeve, jackets, puffer jackets. (might find some way to put humor in this)
ACT 2:
DEMAND: Jim has some major obligation to Uncle Fred. Will this derail his relationship with Ellie? In SCENE 11 (end of ACT 1) Jim gives a “yikes!” expression when Ellie speaks of dirty oil money. Why? In SCENE 12 (1st of ACT 2) Jim’s mom mentions Jim’s big obligation to Fred and how he needs to come back to Houston end of semester. What is that obligation?
REVEALED: In SCENE 14 we find out Fred expects Jim to take over designing equipment for Arctic oil drilling for his oil engineering consultancy. Ellie doesn’t find out until SCENE 23 when she tells of her promise to live on Layo’s ranch and they call off their plan to marry.
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: In SCENE 14 at a college engineering function to honor alumnus Fred, Fred announces that Jim is going to work for him and design that equipment, putting Jim on the spot. Jim privately expresses dislike for that and his uncle. His uncle expresses his dislike for Jim taking alternative energy courses. In SCENE 23, because Jim in SCENE 13C expressed it was his dream to have a ranch like Layo’s (with shade of sadness), Ellie had assumed that would be their plan, but Jim says, “A house? On his ranch? Ellie, I owe Uncle Fred everything. He’s been paying for my education and Mom’s mortgage. I’m working for his company in a few months. I have to, even if I’d rather do something else. He’s been priming me for it.” They call it off.
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: In SCENE Act 3 scene 37 when Ellie confronts Fred and demands he release Jim from the obligation, at least get into alternative energy. Then in Act 4 scene 46, when Ellie against pleads with Fred to release Jim from his obligation and (surprise twist) we find out Fred is obligated to Jim for using Jim’s father’s inheritance to expand his business. Jim is now released, but quick follow-on with Layo accusing Fred of being a cheater, stealing the love of his life away from him decades ago.
DEMAND: In SCENE 13C we find out Ellie’s Great-uncle Layo hates Jim’s Uncle Fred. Is it just a climate change disagreement? How will this affect the couple’s relationship? This consuming hatred also partly reveals why Layo seems bitter and against people.
REVEALED: In ACT 4 we find out not only the climate change disagreement, but that Fred had stole Layo’s great love, Sarah, away from him.
ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: As above – Act 4 scene 46.
DEMAND: In Scene 1C, Mack makes Jim a wager he won’t be able to get Ellie in bed (in subtext)–that he’ll freeze to death before reaching summit on Mt. Everest. Is Jim’s pursuit of Ellie just to win a wager? He does seem to be falling for her, or is he an extremely smooth operator? What will happen if Ellie finds out about the wager?
REVEAL: Various progressive scenes in Acts 1 and 2 seem to indicate Jim’s sincerity and increasing love for Ellie. But in Act 2 Scene 20 Ellie finds out about the wager and in Scene 22 she confronts Jim about it.
DRAMATICALLY: In this Act 2 confrontation, Jim wrongly suspects Ellie has “drifted” to Gecko, and Ellie is furious Jim has made a wager about her. This ends with them clearing up the misunderstandings, professing their love, and the proposal of marriage. And this then leads to the Midpoint wedding planning when they find out their opposing obligations and have to call the wedding off, but now very much in love.
COMICALLY: ADDED NEW end of ACT 4 as a comedic topper: In the final scene of the screenplay Jim gives Mack a twenty dollar bill while they are freezing knee-deep in Gulf waters searching for cold-stunned turtles. Subtext: Mack won the bet that Jim would freeze to death before reaching summit (bedding Ellie). Ellie wonders what that’s about. Jim says he’ll tell her later, after their grandkid is born.
There are other reveals I need to look into for more drama/comedy.
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MODULE SEVEN LESSON TWO
FRAN’S DRAMATIC REAVEALS
WHAT I LEARNED: Again, just keep plugging away at it, little by little. And ignore your negative feelings that will crop up from time to time. Eventually, they will go away. Just ignore them.
MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.
DEMAND: (Hook) Story about Russia. Alexei must confess his treason. He must turn over the government to his infant son.
REVEAL: Story about Peter the Great’s family. Alexei refuses the demand. He dies in prison.
DRAMATICS: A foreshadowing of things to come for the royal family in the future.
DEMAND: (present day) Meredith must tow the line, whatever her husband Jerome wants. She must do. It is not a 50/50 marriage or working partnership.
REVEAL: Jerome likes to throw a lot of money around to make it look like he’s not financially in trouble. There are marital problems and work related problems within the marriage and partnership.
DRAMATICS: It’s snowing in Moscow. It’s near Christmas. Jerome is rude to his wife. He treats her like a subordinate, a hired hand instead of his wife.
DEMAND: Meredith is feeling very alone, very unloved. Jerome’s demands are becoming a burden to her.
REVEAL: She is thinking about getting a divorce, leaving the partnership
DRAMATICS: She calls her agent, asks for help. She says she wants to strike out on her own, write a new script on her own. Or she wants a new partnership, one that she can feel an equal in.
DEMAND: At the film studio, the starlet is demanding. She needs to be catered to. She needs to be treated special. She demands her role be changed, beefed up, written to her liking.
REVEAL: Meredith refuses. She says she cannot compromise the historical truth about her story.
DRAMATICS: Jerome gets belligerent toward Meredith. He tells her he will fire her if she doesn’t complay with the starlet’s demands.
DEMAND: Meredith tries to comply with Jerome’s demands and the demands of the starlet.
REVEAL: But she cannot. We learn about the necklace Jerome bougth for their daughter. The history of it. We begin to learn the story about Olga, Grand Duchess of Russia.
DRAMATICS: She easily falls in love—with the wrong man. The necklace is also a precious gift given to her by her father, Czar Nicholas II
DEMAND: Meredith has known about the affair. She stands up to Jerome. She says she’s not fired. She quits. She goes home to find she’s already up for a new job.
REVEAL: It is her old flame from college, Kyron.
DRAMATICS: She’s still in love with him. She asks her agent to find a good lawyer for her. She wants a divorce.
DEMAND: Meredith makes demands on herself to protect her daughter. She does not want her to know about her father’s affairs, etc.
REVEAL: But Alex, a grown woman, already knows about her father’s affairs. She tells her mother it’s okay. She wants her to be happy.
DRAMATICS: This moment is the moment the agent brings Meredith’s old flame back into her life in a big entrance in the restaurant where they are at. Meredith discovers she still has feelings for him when the finally meet again.
DEMAND: Olga ia heartbroken, the demands of the world are taking its toll on the family. The soldiers of the war have taken the family hostage to work as servants in the military hospital caring for wounded soldiers.
REVEAL: Olga befriends a nurse, Valentina, who is the one who writes Olga’s story.
DRAMATICS: Olga falls in love with a soldier, Dmitri. But he feigns he’s in love with her as well. Nicholas is forced to abdicate the throne and hand it over to his brother Michael.
DEMAND: Meredith re members her college days, the demands of her family. She cannot marry Kyron, social “protocols” and racism. She gives in.
REVEAL: She’s still in love with Kyron after all these years.
DRAMATICS: Jerome is clearly cheating on Meredith with the starlet, star of his movie.
DEMAND: Alexandra demands her family accept Raputin. It is Rasputin only who can save Alexei, her son and heir to the throne. Even though he is hated and not trusted by everyone.
REVEAL: Rasputin’s demand for saving Alexei. He has sex with the czarina.
DRAMATICS: Alexandra goes with Rasputin before her son and everyone in her family, to complay with Rasputin’s wishes.
DEMAND: Olga is being a difficult, royal daughter. She must marry, be a dutiful daughter. She cannot be czar. Law prohibits it.
REVEAL: We learn more about Olga’s life and the life of the Russian family. Alexei her little brother is severely ill. There is also a new love in her life, Dmitri.
DRAMATICS: Dmitri gets involved with a plot to assassinate Rasputin, which will anger Alexandra, Olga’s mother, Alexei’s mother. Dmitri is banished from the kingdom, Olga is forbidden to marry him.
DEMAND: Meredith refuses the demands of Jerome. She is fired. She needs to go home.
REVEAL: When she returns to the apartment to pack, she learns there is already a new job waiting for her. Her script idea was a success. And she’s getting a new partner.
DRAMATICS: Her new partner is her old love, Kyron. She is still in love with him.
DEMAND: Even though Olga begs for her mother to bring Dmitri back, she must comply with the wishes of her mother.
REVEAL: Alexandra is very unhappy Rasputin was assassinated. Even though it was told to her time and time again he was detrimental to the welfare of the family and Russia.
DRAMATICS: Alexandra and Olga have a humongous fight over the banishment of Dmitri.
DEMAND: Jerome fights the divorce in court.
REVEAL: Jerome is jealous of Kyron, always has been.
DRAMATICS: Palys out in a courtroom battle over the divorce settlement.
DEMAND: Olga has a very hard time being a nurse. She cannot stand being there and taking care of the soldiers.
REVEAL: She falls in love with one of the wounded soldiers she’s caring for.
DRAMATICS: As the battle plays out and many soldiers are seriously wounded. The one soldier, Dmitri, Olga falls in love with, pretends to have fallen in love with her, too.
DEMAND: Jerome fights to keeps his partnership with Meredith in tact.
REVEAL: Jerome accuses Meredith of having an affair with Kyron. She hasn’t been.
DRAMATICS: Courtroom battle rages on over the divorce, partnership.
DEMAND: Dmitri is returned to his regiment as soon as he’s recovered, demands of the war.
REVEAL: Olga has written letters to Dmitri, revealing her passionate feelings for him.
DRAMATICS: Dmitri, in a drunken stupor, shares Olga’s letters with his regiment. They make blatant, bold fun of her. So does Dmitri. Olga learns of Dmitri’s indiscretions against her and tells her father. She is angered and confronts Dmitri as the Grand Duchess would.
DEMAND: Bolsheviks enter the hospital and take the Romanovs hostage again, taking them to a different location.
REVEAL: The Bolsheviks aren’t going to keep them hostage. They take them to this place to assassinate them all.
DRAMATICS: The dramatic abuse and mishandling of the Romanov family from their seizure out of the hospital to their new holding place and dramatic murders. Olga’s necklace is taken by one of the soldiers.
DEMAND: Meredith finally wins her battle with Jerome. Jerome is forced to comply.
REVEAL: Kyron is more than pleased with their work. They celebrate. Months pass. Their movie is nominated for the big awards.
DRAMATICS: OSCAR Night. Meredith wins big. Jerome loses even bigger.
Along with kudos, Meredith finally gets to be with her old love and gets a new assignment, a new film to work on.
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Subject: Renee’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer with my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is another way to elevate the quality of my script.
A. Reveal: The missing girl is Claire’s niece.
Demand: her sister is blowing up her phone with messages and texts.
Dramatically: Claire is called in to help with a search and rescue only to arrive and find her sister and brother-in-law there.
B. Reveal: Mark is willing to sacrifice Maddie.
Demand: Mark’s men, Adam, Paul, and Scott, get their separate assignments for the mission in the base camp tent.
Dramatically: Adam pushes against Mark about sacrificing the girl before standing down.
C. Reveal: The creature killed Mark’s brother.
Demand: Why is Mark so hell-bent on bringing the creature back alive?
Dramatically: Right now Mark is sitting in the base camp tent drinking and looking fondly at a picture of his brother. I am considering changing this to having him pass out and have a flashback that shows what happened. If anyone has thoughts on this (good or bad) I’d love to hear what you have to say.
D. Claire is able to fight off the creature with the knife.
Demand: What does Charlie know about what’s in the woods and why does he give Claire the knife?
Dramatically: First she uses it on Mark, then she is able to get the creature off her which leads it to its demise. She also is able to use it to save herself from going over the edge with the creature.
E. Maddie is actually Claire’s daughter.
Demand: she tells Adam that she had to give up her daughter who was a product of an assault.
Reveal: Claire slips up and tells Adam when she is yelling at him for going along with Mark’s plan to sacrifice Maddie.
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Dave’s dramatic reveals
My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal values.
What I learned doing this lesson is that reveals can truly give a jolt of excitement and meaning to the script.
I wanted to show Nigel’s emotional depth and the strength of his desire to free his wife from prison.
I showed him conducting a SKYPE call to the state where she’s being held. When an official stonewalls him, I had him yell at her, “I want to get you Nazi bastards to release her.” She disconnects the call, and he hurls his beer bottle against the wall of his home.
Early in the script, Nigel confesses he’s never been in a fight to his friend, Roger. He indicates fearfulness about confronting the military state that has imprisoned his wife.
Later on, he participates in a gun battle between Native Americans and hunters. He is shot but doesn’t feel it at first. When he later discovers the wound, he is able to handle the shock, and the pain of the wound that ensues, and becomes more self-confident from being able to handle the incident. He has more courage than he thinks.
Roger appears to be a man without much emotional depth. But near the story’s end, he tells Nigel how much their friendship has meant, and states if he’s killed the following day as they attempt to free Nigel’s wife, he can think of no finer cause to die for. We see his feelings run deeper than we thought.
June, a guard at the prison where Nigel’s wife is held, seems to be hardened and callous about the fate of the prisoners. Later, after Livia develops a rapport with her, June helps Livia escape the prison and accompanies her in the escape, at the risk of her own life. We see there is a good heart beneath her seemingly cold facade.
After expressing his discomfort with violence, Nigel at the end of the story maneuvers the prison warden into a fight. When the warden punches him in the nose, it brings back to Nigel the incident when he was 14, was punched in the nose, and ran away. A surge of anger seizes him, and he forces the warden over the railing of a stairway to his death. We see that he possesses more courage and proficiency at violent action than he thought he did.
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<div>Joyce’s Module 7 #2 Reveals.</div>
WIL: This sorts out the high points.
I want to create memorable movie scripts that actors want to perform.
Act. One
A. What is the DEMAND? Professor has a manuscript to publish, which has leaked to a large group against his theory.
B. What is being REVEALED? The group threatens the College President of Graduate Studies, and introduces a man who will stop the publication.
C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? The professor becomes unconscious when the humidifier in rare books is vandalized. The manuscript is already on its way.
Act. two.
A. Kevin and Delaney accept the job of finding the manuscript and the lost plays.
B. They follow a clue to Michigan and learn about the connection between Cardenio and Don Quixote.
C. They barely make it to Spain on a boat when the captain has them thrown overboard.
Act. three
A. They find the theater where Cardenio was last performed and find scripts. They are working together and become fond of each other.
B. A fire starts and they escape to find the woman who has received the manuscript in a cabin in the mountains.
C. Bragg captures Delaney and the manuscript.
Act. 4
A. Kevin learns that Delaney was helping Bragg until he kidnapped her. Now she knows he is working for money, not to show evidence of the real Shakespeare.
B. They escape from Bragg on a gondola , but Bragg fights Kevin and Delaney throws the pages into the valley. where Bragg falls.
C. Delaney and Kevin have becomes adversaries now and when they come home, Cardenio has been reworked. All was wasted, but Kevin has found excitement in this kind of search. He goes to look for the Francis Bacon evidence of authorship. Ther is Delaney in the next assigned airplane seat.
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Joe’s Dramatic reveals
My vision is to persevere and stay the course of building steady daily routine, and disciplines that produce consistent writing of exceptional quality. Ultimately, the fruit of those habits and disciplines will be a track record of great marketable scripts that will make other successful talented pros seek me out.
Demand: sign the lease together for off-broadway dance school
Reveal: partner got a callback that Emily didn’t get and she’s bailing on Emily
Dramatic reveal? – Sure, I mean, she tells her over the phone, but she tells her right when Emily is set to meet and sign the lease, at the 11th hour.
Demand: An injured Emily wakes up “in the clutches/domain/lair” of seemingly no-good Lorenzo.
Reveal: He is nurturing, AND he is an amazing cook; two things she’s been denying herself for months.
Dramatic? It’s funny. She is conflicted with the info because she suddenly is now falling for him, but her pride won’t let her show it. I mean, he’s been nothing but a threat to her livelihood, right? Also, the way she is inhaling that soup is all to flattering to him, so he can let his defenses down and be far more personable than he ever was before.
Demand: Gotta find out what’s on the 3rd floor, but she’s not supposed to go up there.
Reveal: She goes up there on a mission for the zoning commisioner and discovers living quarters.
Dramatic; its dark, scary, dirty, there’s something ELSE living in there; vermin. Then she has to play private detective and hunt down the crazy ex-tenant turned paralegal and get a confession out of her. So all that, yeah, dramatic.
Demand: Lorenzo realizes that what he left behind in America is Emily.
Reveal (to Lorenzo since the audience already knows she’s headed there): Emily shows up at his house in Italy.
Dramatic: Being surrounded by all of Lorenzo’s relatives is what makes this dramatic. Think of Jerry Macquire when Jerry walks in during the meeting of disgruntled divorcees and gives his soliloquy.
Demand: Reading of Lorenzo’s will, that gives Lorenzo the family money…
Reveal: Nico put a twist clause in there that reveals he’s leaving money to Lorenzo, but ONLY if he returns to Ameria.
Dramatic? It’s exposition-based, so that’s problematic, but its done in the reading of a will, so that’s dramatic and realistic enough to be interesting. Plus, its a direct twist of Aunt Locatelli’s agenda, and she is there, so that heightens the drama.
Demand: How are they going to run their businesses in a broken down building? Isnt that just a return to all the problems they had before?
Reveal: they remodel, and refurbish and turn the downstairs into an upscle Italian eatery, an upstairs into an art space, and the 3rd floor into living quarters.
Dramatic? Done with a series of shots, with no dialogue, each image delivering on setups that were scattered throughout the script. AND they have a 4th floor rooftop that is totally off-limits to work; pleasure only!
Most of these were already built into my outline, but I was able to go through and tweak the setups throughout the script as I saw chances to do that, so that the reveals are more impactful. Also, in honoring the genre, instead or horrifying visual shocks like in Matrix or Seven, I added more humor as my form of heightening the drama.
Once again, this ended up making already long script a page longer, but, maybe I’ll solve that issue in the next 5 lessons.
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Amy’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I have plenty of reveals, but I haven’t created much demand for some of them.
5. Tell us how you improved each scene – demand, reveal, and/or written dramatically
-I’m going to create demand for the reveal that Stephanie may not be a princess by having her notice that her family’s royal heritage only goes back a couple a little over a hundred years.
-I’m going create demand for the reveal Stephanie is definitely not a princess by having everyone in the castle be on pins and needles until they hear from the royal historian.
-I’m going to create demand for the reveal of where the rightful princess is by having the media and people of the country speculate on where the rightful princess could be.
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Marcus’ Dramatic Reveals
My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.
This assignment gave me some inspiration on how to improve reveals. It is a very important story element, and I tend to drop them in, let them happen, then look at other things. But this time I went through the script and looked at each one with an eye to improving it.
Example: In my first scene, the protagonist wakes up next to a woman who the audience is supposed to assume is his wife. It is soon revealed that she is a prostitute. And that he is in love with her, almost obsessively. I was able to rewrite this scene to make that reveal more impactful.
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WIM2 – Dana’s Dramatic Reveals!
My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.
What I learned from doing this assignment?
Some of my setups/reveals were intentional. But many of my setups were written without anticipating a reveal, and I was able to use them later to reveal greater character motivation or depth. Creating depth of character early allowed me to find the hidden nuggets to reveal my character’s sinister flaws.
LIST OF REVEALS
SETUP: Ruth’s lover buttoning his shirt wearing his gaudy, gold class ring.
REVEAL: The ring is revealed on the Custodian’s finger at the end.
SETUP: Ruth’s wedding ring lays on the nightstand in the motel room.
REVEAL: The Custodian drops Ruth’s wedding ring into the smelting pot to reveal why her husband wants her dead.
SETUP: The Custodian never speaks.
REVEAL: He’s her lover, and she’d recognize his voice.
SETUP: Kelita holds Bosa’s Rottweiler during the torture scene.
REVEAL: The Rottweiler guards Kelita’s SUV when Ruth tries to escape
SETUP: Custodian points to the painted sign on the side of the smelting pot instructing Ruth to be quiet.
REVEAL: The drug gang enters and kills one of their own, threatening Ruth’s live if exposed.
SETUP: Ruth’s husband, Henry, receives an email/ransom demand from the Custodian
REVEAL: Ruth’s sister and husband hired the Custodian to kidnap Ruth
SETUP: Police question Henry about his marriage/relationship with Ruth, suspicious.
REVEAL: Sister arrives at home and reveals her affair with Henry and their plot to kill Ruth.
SETUP: Custodian uses a cell phone to text/communicate with Henry and sister
REVEAL: Ruth shows Henry she has the Custodian’s phone, and that she now owns him.
SETUP: Ruth expects her husband to pay the ransom.
REVEAL: The Custodian reveals Henry’s involvement in the kidnapping to ensure his money.
SETUP: The moon shines into the steel mill through the exposed, rotting roof above.
REVEAL: Ruth must tightrope across the beams to escape the Custodian at the end.
SETUP: The Custodian wounds the Rottweiler with a grazing shot
REVEAL: The Rottweiler attacks the Custodian to save Ruth at the end.
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WIM2 Module 7 Lesson 2 – Elevating the Impact of Your Reveals
Lisa Long’s Dramatic Reveals!
My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.
What I learned from this assignment is to build reveals for the main characters to make the story more interesting.
Reveals
· Molly doesn’t know that Ed is her father. This reveal comes later in the story.
· April can never dance again because she has scoliosis and had back surgery.
· Molly lied about Ed giving her permission to go to NYC.
· Mars lied about why he is at the beach.
· Ed’s illness is not known by the protagonist or audience.
Realized I need to add a secret and include a reveal for character, Jane.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 7 Lesson 2. Thriller: “Death Voice”
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood Blockbusters.
What I learned from this assignment: How to set up key reveals throughout the script.
ACT 1:
DEMAND: WWII France. Protagonist Pvt. Jim McCarthy is ordered by his nearsighted Sergeant to kill two nuns entering a church. He suspects them of being German saboteurs in disguise carrying explosives. Jim reluctantly follows the order. Before crawling inside he patches up two badly wounded GI’s. After hearing a German male make a threat, Jim rolls a grenade to the front killing the nuns. He crawls out in the heat of a firefight but stops to administer crude first aid to the pair of wounded men. After dragging both to safety and saving their lives, one man — Ted — tells Jim he really murdered two nuns and that he’ll “you’ll go to Hell for this”.
REVEAL: Soon after the war’s over, Jim encounter’s Ted in Jim’s hometown of Las Vegas. Ted is more fanatical than ever and tells Jim he will pay the price for killing the nuns. We learn Ted notified the FBI about what really happened in the French church. This later results in Jim’s development of PTSD, the key theme of the script.
DEMAND: Flashback: A pre-war baseball game. Teen Jim pitches and gives up a game winning home run in the local title game. He takes it in stride but father Hugh, a callous drunk tells Jim he’s a born loser.
DEMAND: After the war Jim tracks down Hugh. Hugh praises his other son Ed, a hero who died during the attack at Pearl Harbor. Hugh tells Jim “the wrong son came home”. The final straw between them.
REVEAL: These two events add to Jim’s psychotic episodes which blur his ability as a TV crime reporter to distinguish between fact and illusion. Hugh is later found murdered at the same baseball diamond and Jim becomes they key suspect.
More to come as I add and rewrite…
😊
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Erin Ziccarelli’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I am creating profound scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: three breakdowns of a great reveal. This lesson greatly elevated my final act because I took something that I was going to reveal in the first act and moved it to the fourth act. I think this added a lot of intrigue to the final scene and made the climax extra suspenseful!
2. Make a list of all the reveals in your script.
· Alex and Kitty are in a secret/forbidden relationship:
o Demand: Alex lowers his glass – not on board with destroying every member of the families.
o Revealed: Alex is in a romantic relationship with a member of the rival family!
o Presented dramatically: Alex moving towards the Caden estate. Kitty in the Caden estate. Next, they’re together. She’s the “girl that Alex knows”
· The North End plotted to have the South End arrested that night.
o Demand: Richard and Nathanial’s argument. Kitty’s concern.
o Revealed: Kitty thinks the sale will go as planned. It’s not going to – Alex is going to be caught that night.
o Presented dramatically: Nathanial staring kitty down, he’s named her his heir.
· Nathanial’s inheritance was left to Alex
o Demand: Nathanial’s death, Demi and Will’s confusion over the trustee
o Revealed: Alex is the trustee. He’s still in prison.
o Presented dramatically: Roger reveals to Alex as he’s going through withdrawal.
· Scarlett Brennan is Alex’s daughter
o Demand: Kitty and Alex’s forbidden love, Ted’s hatred of Alex
o Revealed: Alex’s daughter is allied with the opposite side!
o Presented dramatically: Ted Brennan is dying after Alex beat him up. His last words.
· There was a conservatorship condition attached to the will
o Demand: Demi and Roger discuss the conservatorship. Roger is intrigued. Demi tells Alex and he flips out. Roger still wants to know.
o Revealed: Scarlett is the conservatee.
o Presented dramatically: Demi gives Alex the news without Roger knowing.
· Collin, Darrel, and Patrick set the fire
o Demand: Alex’s business is burned. He goes to the North End. Plays a round of blackjack with some Walshes.
o Revealed: Alex’s old friends burned his place to the ground because they want him back.
o Presented dramatically: Alex and Deirdre in a shady room at the roulette wheel. He has a gun to her. Refuses to allow her to look at him.
· Patrick was responsible for Shane’s death
o Demand: Patrick has wanted Alex back because he’s the best. He warned him about Shane’s “sickness,” said it was an “accident” that he died.
o Revealed: Alex knows it wasn’t an accident – Patrick killed Shane.
o Presented dramatically: poker room, Alex trying to get the upper hand.
· Roger’s real last name is Walsh
o Demand: Roger shows up and confronts Alex about his business that night. This whole time, Roger has been overly invested in the case.
o Revealed: Roger is from the Walsh family!
o Presented dramatically: Roger catches Alex in the act. Alex threatens him until he reveals his secret. They finally shake hands.
· Richard killed Kitty
o Demand: The case went cold. Alex has been wanting to know for twenty years. Ted didn’t tell him, Patrick doesn’t know, Roger couldn’t find out.
o Revealed: Richard killed Kitty Caden.
o Presented dramatically: Alex traps Richard into telling the truth in front of everyone.
3. With each one, answer these questions:
A. What is the DEMAND?
B. What is being REVEALED?
C. How is it presented
DRAMATICALLY?4. For any that don’t have strong answers to the above, brainstorm ways to create more demand or reveal dramatically and rewrite the scene.
5. Tell us how you improved each scene – demand, reveal, and/or written dramatically
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Andrew Boyd: Elevating the impact of your reveals
Vision: For Hitler’s Choirboys to be such a compelling and thought-provoking screenplay that Steven Spielberg and Mel Gibson will battle it out to produce their most powerful WW2 drama since Hacksaw Ridge or Schindler’s List.
What I learned from doing this assignment: I have amplified the key scenes with Henry in the recruitment line where his German Pa drags him away and humiliates him.
I build on that again that scene later when we see the damage Henry inflicts on the bully-boy Willard who mocks him, which sets up his phobia of losing his temper.
These two wounds inflicted on Henry in a single incident set up two character flaws: his unwillingness to humiliate others, which means he holds back from helping them, and his fear of losing his temper, which means he backs off confrontation.
I’ve paid off Henry’s indication of his hatred of the Nazis at Dachau, by repeating the unconscious finger-curling-round-the-trigger gesture at the All-is-Lost-Moment with Goering.
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