Lesson 2 Assignments

[Frances Emerson]

MODULE EIGHT LESSON ONE

FRAN’S STRUCTURED DIALOGUE

WHAT I LEARNED: Keeping in mind the underlying meaning in your head as you write helps a lot. You’re looking for the understated in your words. It takes a while to think about them, and time to come up with what you need. But with a little more wordsmithing down the road, it will shine.

MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.

Dmitri II’s Tavern Scene (Twist)

INT. TAVERN – NIGHT

Dmitri sits with a friend. He holds anther letter from Olga in his hands. He reads the letter to is companion:

DMITRI

My brave soldier. I have missed our days together. But I would not

want you still here with me, but well and with your comrades in arms.

I find my nights here are long without someone to talk to—to confide in.

You. I shall be counting the hours until we are together again. Until

then, my love, my heart, my entire reason for being, my thoughts are

only of you.

Olga

Dmitri sighs.

DMITRI

Alas. She can’t help herself. She loves me. Her entire being. She loves me.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REAVEAL several other comrades in the tavern with Dmitri listening to every word.

Dmitri burst into wicked laughter. He removes other letters from a coat pocket, he scatters them to the floor.

DMITRI

Here, my friends. Our entertainment for the evening. Enjoy yourselves.

The soldiers scramble to retrieve the letters as Dmitri lets out another diabolical laugh.

Jerome and Meredith in their apartment. (Subtext meaning)

INT. MEREDITH AND JEROME’S ATPARTMENT – NIGHT

Meredith settles down to read some of her book. Jerome gets a call.

JEROME

Yeah.—I’m in Moscow. Shooting. I have it. I just need a few more days to finish.—

You know where I am.—I’ll be home in a few more days.—Look. It’s not that. It’s

Just a few more scenes.

Jerome hangs up. Cell phone rings gain. Jerome answers.

JEROME

I told you … Oh. It’s you.

He looks at Meredith—feigning interest in her book at the moment. But hearing everything.

STARLET

I need someone to help me with something in the script. Can you come over?

JEROME

I don’t know if I can. …It’s late. I’m tired. I need to go to bed. Big day tomorrow.

STARLET

Who’s stopping you?

JEROME

So. What’s the problem you’re having?

STARLET

The dialogue’s a little—stilted.

JEROME

This won’t take long, will it?

STARLET

I need someone to help me—smooth out the rough edges. You know. Get it

all to relax a little more.

JEROME

Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I have a few things here I’m dealing with right now.

Meredith looks up. Not fooled.

JEROME

You can’t do it yourself.

STARLET

Well. It usually does take two to tango. And I’m really needing another dance

lesson before tomorrow’s shoot.

JEROME

All right. Give me a few minutes.

Jerome hangs up.

Jerome

Don’t wait up for me. This may take awhile.

Meredith

I hadn’t planned on it.

NICHOLAS PRESENTS OLGA WITH HER ST. GEORGE NECKLACE (Opposite meaning—we know the fate of young Olga and her family)

INT. ROMANOV PALACE – DAY

Czar Nicholas presents his eldest daughter, still a very young girl, with a St. George medallion necklace. Exquisite. Priceless.

CAMERA, CLOSE SHOT ON THE NECKLACE

NICHOLAS

This belonged to our grandmother.

He puts it around Olga’s neck.

OLGA

Oh, Papa! (hugs him) I shall never take it off.

NICHOLAS

You know. An old woman. A seeress told me once. A long time ago.

When you were born. You wouldn’t live to see your twenty fourth

birthday. But I told her. You were the Grand Duchess of all the Russias.

You will live forever.—At least in my heart.

OLGA

Living forever. Victoria lived a very long time, didn’t she? Papa. I want to be just

like here when I grow up.

NICHOLAS

I don’t know, Olga. This is Russia. She was the Queen of England. The rules here

are very different.

OLGA

Not so different. Not if we don’t let them be. You haven’t an heir yet, Papa. Except

for me.

NICHOLAS

You needn’t worry about that, my love. Your mother and I. We still want so much

to give you and your sisters a little brother.

Olga frowns.

OLGA

You mean I can’t be a queen like Victoria? Why not?

NICHOLAS

It is a discussion we will have for another time.

Rasputin names his price for saving Alexandra’s son Alexei scene (Deeper layer meaning)

INT. ALEXEI’S BEDROOM – EVENING

The family’s gathered round praying for Alexei’s recovery from his fall. This time it appears he’s not going to make it. His skin is pallid, wan from his loss of blood.

Alexandra is beside herself, praying for a miracle. Afraid Alexei will die.

ALEXANDRA

God. Nicky. He’s your only heir. We cannot let him die.

Olga overhears.

NICHOLAS

We can try for another child.

ALEXANDRA

I don’t know if I can A hungry, wanton look on his face.

ALEXANDRA

Father.

RASPUTIN

My lady.

Alexis looks up at the priest. Her eyes begging for Rasputin to cure her child.

PASPUTIN

I can save your son.

Alexandra’s hope perks up with the news. Nicholas, the girls are not so convinced.

RASPUTIN

But in return there is something you must do for me.

He stares at her lustfully.

Alexandra looks to her family. Hope. Belief in her eyes. Understanding.

ALEXANDRA

Anything. Anything. Name it. You shall have it.

NICHOLAS

No. Alex.

ALEXANDRA

If Alexei is to be czar one day. Then so be it. What good is losing my

reputation. My self-pride, my dignity, if I cannot give it to save my son!

NICHOLAS

Do not do this Alex. We can find another way.

Alexandra rises. Takes Rasputin’s outstretched hand. Her eyes bid her family a quiet farewell.

Rasputin leads her through the door and out into the hallway as the girls, Nicholas watch, Olga, in anger.

RASPUTIN

You have saved your son, my lady.

He kisses her hand.

RASPUTIN

Shall we?

They leave to go to another room, somewhere in the palace, to be alone.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different viewpoints a writer can use to make dialogue more engaging.

Look through your scenes and find some that have very little dialogue.

Give the characters opposing viewpoints.

Different perspectives
Different objectives
Different realities
Different emotional
states
Different philosophies
Different issues

Give us one scene where you did Attack/Counterattack dialogue well.

In this scene, this is the first interaction between the protagonist, Conall, and the triangle character, Jay (our alien). But Conall does not know Jay’s an alien.

INT. SUBURBAN – DAY

Conall and Jay drive along. Jay looks out the window at the landscape. Conall keeps his eyes on the road.

CONALL

How much do you know about this artefact?

Silence.

CONALL

Not much of a talker are you?

Jay turns and looks at Conall.

JAY

Did you do all those things that Harry said you did?

CONALL

It was war. Shit happens.

JAY

You have no regard for your fellow human, do you?

CONALL

How does this artefact work?

JAY

You are unable to do anything about the past. It affects the future in ways one cannot predict.

CONALL

You didn’t answer the question.

Jay turns back toward the passing landscape.

CONALL

This can do one of two ways. You can either help me or…

JAY

Or you’ll kill me?

CONALL

No. But I can make your life uncomfortable.

JAY

It’s already uncomfortable.

CONALL

What does that mean?

Jay silently shakes his head.

CONALL

We’re going to be spending a lot of time together.

It’s best if you tell me everything you know.

JAY

About the artefact?

Conall nods.

JAY

It has the power to alter the universe. In the

wrong hands it will destroy everything.

CONALL

Cryptic.

(beat)

We’re here.

Conall stops the vehicle in front of a warehouse full of offices, but only one is occupied. Conall gets out. Stands in front of a glass door.

COFFEY SECURITY is itched into the glass.

Jay hops out of the vehicle. Looks around.

Conall holds the door. Jay glides through it.

[Frances Emerson]

Oops! Looks like I put the wrong assignment in the wrong reply! Here’s the right one.

MODULE EIGHT LESSON TWO

FRAN’S ATTACK/COUNTERATTACK DIALOGUE

WHAT I LEARNED: Again. Keep it in your mind what the goal is. Play it through, let the words flow. Let your characters do the talking. Clean it up after.

MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.

OLGA AND ALEXANDRA HAVE IT OUT OVER RASPUTIN

INT. ROMANOV PALACE, OUTSIDE ALEXEI’S ROOM – DAY

Olga waits for Alexandra, outside in the corridor. She is prompt. In a hurry to see her son.

OLGA

What did you think to accomplish, Mother?

ALEXANDRA

I need to see Alexei. How is he?

OLGA

The priest is in with him now.—He is recovering.

ALEXANDER

Thank God.

Alexandra moves to go inside.

OLGA

But what your daughters?

ALEXANDRA

Olga. I have no time for this.

OLGA

It is Alexei, I think, who doesn’t have the time. But you … What are the people

going to say when they learn their beloved czarina has turned herself into a whore—for Rasputin?

Already they rage against the madman who takes evil advantage of everyone. What will they say when they learn their queen has succumbed to his spell as well?

ALEXANDRA

How dare you.

OLGA

It does not matter the rank or file. It does not matter how blue the blood. Because he

believes himself to be a man of God. A—special–man.

ALEXANDRA

You will not speak to your mother in that fashion.

OLGA

I will speak to my mother in any manner that pleases me.

ALEXNDRA

HOW DARE YOU! MY OWN DAUGHTER!!

OLGA

I don’t care. The moment the people find out. You will be vilified. Crucified for your

flagrant disregard for your crown—and my father’s.

ALEXNDRA

I did it to save Alexei.

OLGA

And what of your daughters? Are they not worthy of your love, too? You know what the people will

think of us, too, mother. You know what they’ll say. Like mother. Like daughter. That man is the spawn of Satan! And you allowed him to defile your marriage bed.

ALEXANDRA

LEAVE ME! LEAVE MY SIGHT! Before I say something I will regret.

OLGA

It has always been this way. Hasn’t it, mother? It has always been Alexei. Everything for Alexei. Even before he was born. Tell me. Is he so powerful he takes even the place of God in your eyes?

ALEXANDRA

You do not want your brother to live?

OLGA

Yes. I want him to live. But not at the expense of my mother’s reputation. Or the crown’s. Forgive me.

But I shall not be so careless when it is time for me to marry and take my place on a throne.

And I will not abandon God and His purpose—for that of a depraved monk’s who’s little more than a back-alley sewer rat!

Olga storms away. Alexandra enters Alexei’s room in tatters.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that banter really spices up a script and I need more by having characters have Different perspectives, objectives, realities, emotional states, philosophies, or issues.

=====================================

I have several banter scenes, but need to ramp up more. Here’s one between protag Jim and support Jen about protag Ellie. Jim is in a wager with a friend to see if he can get her in bed. He doesn’t want Ellie (who’s in the distant b.g.) to think Jen is/was his girlfriend. They’re at the beach cleanup with a beach party to follow:

Jen strides to catch up with Jim collecting trash. In the distance Ellie looks over at them. Jim notes that and edges away from Jen, picking up trash more quickly. Jen walks faster. He picks up speed, stumbles a bit.

JEN
Hey, Jim. What’s going on?

Jim, embarrassed, turns toward her.

JIM
I’m picking it up as fast as I can so we can get on to the party.

JEN
Well, Party Animal, I hate being a party-pooper, but–

JIM
Not really.

JEN
I warn you not to dabble with Ellie’s heart.

Jim gestures with mock fear, then gives an impish smile.

JIM
Dabbily Dibbily babbily boo.

JEN
If you knew who her uncle is it’d stop your joking dead.

JIM
I know, the ranch owner. Big deal.

JEN
Not that one.

JIM
(worried at bit)

So who’s the other one?

Jen turns halfway and picks up a juice box.

JEN
Maybe it’s not my place to say. She seemed upset about him.

JIM
Come on, now. I gotta know. I mean is he a cartel guy or something?

Jen pauses, making Jim squirm.

JEN
It’s for me to know and you to find out. The hard way.

JIM
Jen, don’t play with me.

JEN
Look who’s talking, Playboy.

Jim turns away, exasperated.

JEN
He’s our pastor, Reverend Rudy.

JIM
(whirling around)

Reverend Rudy?!

Jim notes Ellie look his way and voices down a decibel.

JIM
Wow… Why don’t we see her in church?

Jen shrugs. Jim becomes gut-slugged serious.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment teaches the specialty dialog type: banter. I’ve always been interested in having clever banter between my characters and have focused on it in my scripts. This lesson taught me a few ways to refine that.

In this scene, the protagonist, Jake wakes out of a nightmare and briefly rough handles the woman, Charlotte, he sleeps next to:

CHARLOTTE

Christ almighty, sweetie, what in hell were you dreaming about this time?

Jake kisses her on the cheek. He gets up, stands over the commode and urinates.

JAKE

Sorry, Charlotte. Did I hurt you?

CHARLOTTE

I’ve had worse. Yesterday you like to broke my nose.

Charlotte laughs cheerfully. Jake winces.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)

I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t aim to make light of it. We all got our demons, don’t we?

Jake goes to the basin, pours water from the pitcher, rinses his face. Looks at himself in the mirror. Jake pulls his underwear away from his left collarbone revealing a gnarly stab wound scar.

JAKE

Nothing of the kind. Just a dream, is all, my love.

He touches the scar briefly and works his shoulder.

CHARLOTTE

Easily confused with anybody else’s nightmares, your dreams.

Jake gets in bed with Charlotte. He kisses her. She kisses back. Growing excited, he starts to roll on top of her.

She abruptly turns away, checks her pocket watch.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)

Listen, sweetie, I got somewheres I need to get.

Holds her hand in front of him, palm up, expectantly.

JAKE

Wait, just a few more minutes. Let’s just live. In this moment, just live a little. You and me.

CHARLOTTE

Live? That your new name for it?

Charlotte giggles and shoves Jake out of bed. He goes to the bureau, takes some cash from a drawer and hands it to her. As she takes it, he holds on to it.

JAKE

A life together. Not like this. Marry me, Charlotte.

Charlotte laughs cheerfully.

CHARLOTTE

(jokingly, not asking but confirming)

Rescue me from my hardship as a fallen woman, will you, sir?

She tugs. Jake releases the money. She puts on her shoes.

JAKE

After how long it’s been, I see your feelings for me. I can tell.

CHARLOTTE

That so? Not skilled enough to take the theater stage, I do my best acting on my back. How I make my living, is all it is.

JAKE

I never told nobody I loved her before. You’re my dream.

CHARLOTTE

(serious)

Judging by your dreams? Might call into question what you mean by love, Jake. I ain’t in no position to marry you, even if I wanted it.

Charlotte gets out of bed, taking her pocket watch.

JAKE

Then you’ll come to love me. Surely.

<div>CHARLOTTE</div><div>

(huffs angrily)

Tell yourself whatever you
please.

</div>

[Lisa Paris Long]

WIM2 Module 8 Lesson 2 Engaging Banter

Lisa Long Loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.

What I learned from this assignment is that the attack/counterattack can be in many forms, drama, action, comedy and can be added to any scene for punchier dialogue.

12. EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY

From inside we hear Ed call to Molly.

EDGAR (O.S.)

Molly, sweep the patio please!

MOLLY (O.S.)

Alright.

Molly comes out onto the patio where there are a few picnic tables that are used for service when the weather is nice. Some tables have umbrellas too. A couple sits at one table eating. Molly moves around the tables sweeping stuff into the sand on either side of the tables. Mars appears on the beach below.

MARS

Shouldn’t you be picking that stuff up instead of sweeping it off the deck?

MOLLY

Naw. The seagulls like it.

Mars comes up the steps from the beach.

MOLLY

Did you come to tell me you’ve changed your mind?

Molly smiles like the Cheshire cat.

MARS

No. I’m hungry.

MOLLY

Sit wherever you like. I’ll get you a menu.

Molly walks over near the patio door to the waiter’s station. She puts down the broom and grabs a menu. She fills a glass with water and returns to the table.

MOLLY

Would you like some water?

MARS

Yes, please. What’s good here.

MOLLY

Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask that question.

MARS

Why’s that?

MOLLY

I hate seafood.

Mars laughs.

MARS

I’ll have the crab cake with all the sides.

GINNY, a snot-nosed teen of 16 comes out onto the patio.

GINNY

Hey! What are you doing? Stealing my customer.

MOLLY

No. I just brought him water and a menu because you were nowhere to be found.

Ginny pulls Molly aside with a jerk.

MARS

(concerned) Hey…

GINNY

(To Molly) You better stay out of my way.

MOLLY

Or what?

GINNY

You don’t want to find out.

Mars gets up from the table.

MARS

Excuse me. There’s no need to argue.

Mars hands Ginny the menu.

MARS

I’ll have the crab cake and all the sides.

GINNY

Okay. Would you like anything besides water?

MARS

An iced tea. Unsweetened. With lemon.

GINNY

Yes, sir.

Ginny glares at Molly and points a finger at her. Mars and Molly go back to his table.

MARS

Geez, she’s intense.

MOLLY

A teenager.

Mars laughs.

MARS

Uh, you’re a teenager too.

MOLLY

Who everyone treats like a child.

MARS

I get that.

MOLLY

Look…

Molly sits across from Mars.

MARS

Molly…

MOLLY

(Leaning forward) I need an outlet from this shit. Dance is it for me. It’s my savior.

MARS

I understand. Dance saved me from what could have been a very different life.

MOLLY

You see, you know…It’s my escape, my therapy…everything. Please teach me! PLEASE!

Ginny returns.

GINNY

(To Molly) Get up! (To Mars) Here you go.

Ginny places his plate in front of him with the iced tea, silverware, and tartar sauce.

GINNY

Is she bothering you, sir?

MARS

(smiling) Well…a little.

Molly looks surprised. Mars winks at her.

MARS

No. She’s not bothering me.

GINNY

(To Molly) I think Jane needs you in the kitchen.

MOLLY

(To Mars) I’ll let you eat in peace. Just please think about it!

MARS

I’m not going to change my mind.

MOLLY

Yes, you will.

Molly gets up and walks toward the patio screen door. Ginny catches up with her.

GINNY

What do you want with that old man?

MOLLY

He’s not any old man. He’s a choreographer!

Molly swings open the screen door and walks through it. The door slams in Ginny’s face.

[Dana Abbott]

WIM2 – Dana Loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.

What I learned from doing this assignment?

The attack/counterattack method creates greater conflict between the characters, even characters with similar agendas, and creates more interesting scenes.

The dialogue between my protagonist and antagonist is one-sided. The antagonist has kidnapped my protagonist, and he doesn’t speak. So my protagonist’s banter is aggressive, and he responds with body language and signals.

The banter in my script comes from the supporting characters. My protagonist’s husband and sister and the FBI agents trying to find my protagonist. The attack/counterattack between these characters creates the conflict and setup for later reveals.

I rewrote the scene between the sister and the FBI to improve the opposing interests. The FBI asks the right questions, while the sister conceals the protagonist’s affair from her husband. This scene plays out later when sister’s attack/ counterattack strategy was to protect her involvement in the kidnapping, not to hide her sister’s affair from her husband.

[David Holloway]

Dave loves attack/counterattack dialogue

My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal values.

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing banter can be easy and fun.

INT. TRASK’S OFFICE – DAY

A large window on the right looks out at a courtyard, where a staircase climbs to their level and up to the next two floors. Trask reads some papers at his desk. He looks up and is instantly attentive as Nigel and the guards approach.

TRASK

Nigel Williamson.

Nigel struggles to suppress his anger.

NIGEL

That’s right.

Trask stares at him, then turns to the guards.

TRASK

Thank you, gentlemen.

FIRST GUARD

You don’t want us to stay, sir?

Trask gives a half-smile.

TRASK

No. Mr. Williamson doesn’t look dangerous.

The guards hesitate for a moment, then walk out the door. Trask sizes Nigel up.

TRASK

I thought it’d take you longer to get here from Industry. How did you enter Shiloh undetected?

Nigel replies with a sarcastic note.

NIGEL

Perhaps because we discovered your tracking device a thousand miles back.

Trask smiles. Nigel grows impatient, and his voice becomes hotter.

NIGEL

You’ve imprisoned my wife on false charges and tortured her. She’s scheduled for execution tomorrow.

Trask answers defiantly.

TRASK

She violated Shiloh law.

NIGEL

You know damned well those charges are lies, and her reports of citizens being tortured and killed were true.

Trask’s voice grows more combative.

TRASK

Drawing public support for the Rebellion is a treasonous crime, punishable by execution.

NIGEL

And the Rebellion truly scares you, doesn’t it. That’s why your police cars are all over Ardennes.

Trask becomes angry.

TRASK

We do not tolerate crime and insurgency.

NIGEL

But you tolerate your own crimes, don’t you – like when you raped a security guard, June McConnell, 23 years ago.

Rage flares in Trask’s eyes.

TRASK

You’re fortunate that I’ve decided to keep you alive to witness your wife’s execution, tomorrow.

Nigel pauses a moment, and his belligerent tone lightens.

NIGEL

I’d like a look at the execution grounds. To know what she’ll see in her final moments. And what I’ll see, when it’s my turn.

Trask looks surprised and faintly suspicious.

TRASK

All right.

NIGEL

What about taking the handcuffs off. After all, I’m not dangerous.

Trask looks at him with distrust. He walks to Nigel, takes a small device from his belt and points it at the handcuffs, unlocking them. Trask takes the handcuffs and touches the gun in a holster at his waist.

TRASK

In case you try anything.

Nigel walks out the door with Trask behind him.

[Erin Ziccarelli]

Erin Ziccarelli loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: I am creating profound scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Best practices for finding attack/counterattack in movie scenes. The scene from a Few Good Men is one of my favorites from the film, and I have a new understanding of the scene after learning about banter! This lesson helped me elevate a scene that I’ve had flagged since the first draft. It’s less expositional and more engaging now because of the characters’ attacks and counterattacks.

2. Look through your scenes and find some that have very little dialogue.

· Cocaine sale to Mr. Dunbar

· Will and Demi tour the Caden estate and debate why Nathanial left the estate to Alex

· Ted’s last words to Alex

· Biofeedback therapy session

3. Give the characters opposing viewpoints.

Different perspectives
Different objectives
Different realities
Different emotional states
Different philosophies
Different issues

4. From those differences, create conversations with back-and-forth banter in your scenes.

5. Give us one scene where you did Attack/Counterattack dialogue well.

EXT. CADEN ESTATE – DAY

First responders shut down the street and take over the estate. WILL LAWSON (35) pushes through the crowds and stands before the house’s ornate gates. A buzz sounds. The gates part, revealing a splendid mansion and expansive grounds. Far more beautiful than twenty years ago. He marvels at the neatly manicured lawn, stone walkways, and exotic plants. DEMI GOTWICK (33) clutches the Last Will and Testimony file. She shakes Fr. Sullivan’s hand and walks up to Will. He starts to page through the document. Surprise takes over his face.

Will: We want a better future for him.

She returns a befuddled look. Looks out at the estate. All business.

Demi: I expected a fight from his children over the estate.

Will: If he had any surviving. Ryan and Gotwick PC has social service’s full cooperation.

As EMTs wheel the gurney out of the house, wind blows the sheet off Nathanial’s face. Demi and Will both look sick.

Will: But a high-profile case like this is a first for me.

The sirens and noise from the medical professionals and police officers take over. Will and Demi walk amongst the sprawling grounds. Heading for a high point.

Will: I’m disappointed Nathaniel Caden’s exploits paid off in the last twenty years.

Demi: They follow a code.

Will: Black marketeering?

Demi: He broke that code. What would compel you to leave millions to a man you never knew?

Will: Coercion. Tax evasion.

Demi: Nathaniel was too powerful to be coerced. Not even by the IRS.

They arrive at the hill. From their vantage point, they can make out the Charles River snaking through the city. Neighborhoods lie beyond.

Will: Maybe he saw the futility of their crime family feud.

Demi: He fed it all those years.

Will: They’re all Irish, all Catholic, all Bostonians. They can come together.

Demi: To face off and kill each other.

Will: Would you rather they kill themselves?

Demi: (smirks) The beneficiary must come forward to receive his inheritance. Where can we find him?

Will: I’m disappointed to say he was a black marketeer too. Now he atones.

Demi: In purgatory?

Will: Augusta. I’ll request he be transferred to Riverside Prison here in Boston.

Will shakes his head at the will. He still can’t believe his eyes.

Will: Lucky man.

[Joyce Davidson]

Joyce’s banter dialogue.

WIL: I thought banter was distracting. It isn’t. It’s useful.

To create memorable scripts actors want to perofrm.

INT. BEACH HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Delaney wrings out her shirt tail and squints at Kevin. Her glasses are gone.

Kevin opens his bag. With every thing in water-proof zipped, inner bags his wrapped clothes are dry.

DELANEY

You can leave now.

KEVIN

No other rooms. Would you like dry pajamas?

DELANEY

I would like you to get lost. Find yourself another hotel.

She goes into a bathroom.

Kevin stands by the window, watches the clerk talk to a uniformed man, then leave.

§Kevin closes the curtains. He tosses dry pajamas on a bed and stows his suitcase in several different places.

He taps on the bathroom door.

KEVIN

The clerk may suspect, but if we appear to be tourists –

DELANEY

.. barely acquainted tourists.

KEVIN

That works. Police may ignore us.

She opens the bathroom door and steps out wrapped in towels.

Bathroom

Kevin goes inside. Her clothes are hanging everywhere. He skirts around them to brush his teeth.

When he exits, his mouth hangs open.

Delaney wears his pajamas and sits combing her wet hair. Her glasses are missing. She is lovely.

Kevin coughs.

KEVIN

I should apologize.

DELANEY

An urgent reaction in the line of duty, I’m sure. Just don’t let it happen again.

She snaps out the light.

KEVIN

What? The pajamas?

DELANEY

That kiss. If you can call it that.

KEVIN

I can’t see in the dark.

DELANEY

Now you know how I feel. A fish in the bay is wearing my glasses.

Kevin stubs his foot.

KEVIN

You moved my case.

DELANEY

And I tossed you a blanket with a pillow. Good night.

KEVIN

Sweet dreams.

DELANEY

Don’t even go there.

[JOEL STERN]

Joel Stern loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Module 8 Lesson 2

Screenplay: Thriller, “Death Voice”.

My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).

What I learned from this assignment: How to write interesting banter.

Here’s one of my favorite scenes:

WWII decorated hero Jim “Ace” McCarthy is finally back home in Las Vegas after the war. He’s eager to begin the first day of the rest of his life. On his first full day home, he gets a job as a Desoto used car salesman. He really wants to be the next great news journalist, but this will do. For now. His first customers are a true test…

INT. DESOTO DEALERSHIP – DAY

Early-40s LEM, (42) is at his desk, Jim faces him.

LEM

Where do ‘ya think you’re gonna be in ten years?

JIM

Gosh, I’m not used to thinking that far ahead, sir.

LEM

Is sellin’ cars on the list, by any chance?

Jim fidgets: Should I tell him the truth?

JIM

With all due respect sir, I see myself as a top notch news reporter heard by the whole world.

LEM

‘Ya don’t say. Like that Murrow fella on the radio.

Jim’s eyes light up.

JIM

Just like him. Yes, sir.

LEM

Well, I hate to tell ‘ya Jim but you’re not gettin’ there from here.

Beat. Jim blinks hard.

JIM

Well sir, truth be told — it’s only a dream.

LEM

Nothin’ wrong with dreamin’. We all need somethin’ to wake up for.

JIM

I never sold a car — except my dad’s without him knowing –- but I’m a fast learner. And I can take apart a carburetor blindfolded!

Lem kicks up his amputated leg on the desk, lights up a stogie and puffs. Jim looks away.

LEM

(chuckle, coughs)

Without him knowin’…

JIM

Well, yes sir — but I paid him back.

(ashamed)

Some of it anyway.

LEM

Aw, heck — that’s what I like to call creative financin’!

JIM

Well, I…

LEM

(re: leg)

Oh this. I hobbled sixty six miles from Bataan to Camp O’Donnell until the damn thing fell off.

JIM

Sorry sir.

LEM

Aw, no need. Plenty of our boys never made it back ‘n plenty more’ll wish they never did.

Lem sits up straight.

LEM

Jim, sellin’ cars should be a breeze for a young man who went through hell ‘n back. Heck, the 4-F’s I got workin’ here will be lucky to have a job by next month. I’m lookin’ for a personable young man who won’t take no for an answer.

Jim smiles.

JIM

So, when do I start?

LEM

Heck, you already did!

Jim salutes.

JIM

Yes, sir!

EXT. USED CAR DEALERSHIP – LATER

Blazing desert sun.

RAY, (70) (think farmer with pitchfork in “American Gothic” painting) and Ma Barker-like LULU, (68) circle a shiny used DeSoto in their Sunday best.

A lit pipe dangles from Lulu’s lips.

RAY

The misses and I are lookin’ for a vehicle that got some teeth to it.

Lulu spits.

LULU

What we got now’s the Devil’s machine. And he sure ain’t in a hurry. A Crosley Hotshot.

JIM

‘Ya don’t say! I knew a fella —

LULU

A dual-overhead cam 75 liter four cylinder piece ‘a crapola that won’t let ‘ya go past fifty two. And we have places to see!

Jim holds in a laugh.

JIM

Well folks, you sure came to the right place. I have a beauty right here I know you’ll love.

He guides them to a shiny ‘47. Ray taps the grill.

RAY

Good Lord, it’s like a big set ‘a teeth!

(taps his own front teeth)

Lost mine during the Hoover years.

JIM

Well, I know a swell dentist in Mayville who —

LULU

What she got under the hood?

JIM

Glad you asked, ma’am.

He lifts the creaky hood. Lulu leans in. The hood’s about to collapse. Jim stops it just in time.

JIM

Sorry ma’am. Guess she’s anxious to hit the road!

Ray scratches his neck.

JIM

Say, how’s about we take her for a spin?

INT. CAR – DAY

Lulu’s clearly speeding; Ray rides shotgun, Jim’s in the back about to puke. She eyes Jim through the rear view mirror.

LULU

Sonny boy, you sure look familiar.

JIM

I hear that a lot ma’am. Just a common face I suppose.

RAY

Rides smooth as a baby’s bottom. Good for my hemorrhoids!

Ray turns back to Jim, his round glasses magnifying his eyes.

RAY

Well, I’ll be. You’re that soldier fella in the magazine who killed the nuns, ain’t ‘ya?

Jim looks away.

JIM

Not proud of it, sir.

LULU

Damn Catholics had it comin’. We’re Southern Baptists ourselves. Say, this baby sure has some giddyap!

EXT. ROADSIDE – DAY

The car vrooms past a motorcycle cop hidden behind a billboard. The chase is on.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS

Jim reads crib notes on his wrist.

JIM

Yep. Two hundred thirty seven cubic inches of raw power —

LULU

How’s the tranny?

He pulls up his pant leg and reads.

JIM

It has a fluid drive transmission —

POP! Steam explodes from under the hood. Lulu swerves through a puffy white cloud.

RAY

What in tarnation?!

LULU

Hold on we’re comin’ in hot!

Lulu swerves onto the sidewalk, hits the brakes. As it stops the car gently tips over a garbage can. Cats scatter.

LULU

Praise Jesus! This ain’t nothin’ but a hunk ‘a junk!

JIM

No ma’am — I can assure you she’s rock solid!

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS

Lulu spits out the window.

LULU

Let’s go Ray. He’s just a huckster!

Ray turns to Jim.

RAY

We don’t fancy any Tom Foolery young man.

(tips his hat)

Good day to you sir!

EXT. CAR – CONTINUOUS

Lulu leads Ray down the block leaving Jim with a smoke-billowing clunker. He gets out, waves his hat.

JIM

Wait folks, it’s just the radiator!

No use. Jim swats away steam. The motorcycle COP, (40) putters to a stop. He gets off and approaches.

COP

See ‘ya got some car trouble.

JIM

(mumbles)

No shit genius.

(to cop)

Yes sir, sure do.

The cop unsnaps his helmet and pulls his summons book from his back pocket.

COP

You were going so fast you blew the radiator!

JIM

It blew alright but I wasn’t the one driving.

COP

Let’s see that license ‘a yours.

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Banter Dialog

Vision: to become a well-respected writer whose movies are produced and with enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.

What I learned doing this assignment is how including banter in a scene can really create more interest that will keep the audience engaged.

Natalie pushes through the crowd and approaches Adam and Claire with a look of suspicion and disbelief.

CLAIRE

Natalie?

NATALIE

Why the hell aren’t you answering your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you all night.

Jared storms over and glares at Claire.

CLAIRE

I didn’t hear it.

JARED

More like you were too drunk to answer it.

Claire takes a deep breath struggling to keep herself calm.

CLAIRE

Where’s Maddie?

JARED

Shouldn’t you be home nursing a hangover?

NATALIE

Jared!

Natalie turns and gives Jared the look – you’re not helping matters.

NATALIE

Maddie’s missing.

Claire covers her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. She reaches out and pulls Natalie into a hug.

CLAIRE

I’m so sorry, Natalie.

JARED

Oh, please. You’ve never cared about Maddie. Why are you even here?

CLAIRE

Why am I here? I’m here because you didn’t do your job, Jared. You’re her father and you swore you’d keep her safe. You were supposed to protect her. But here we are. I guess that was just too much to ask from you.

Jared takes a step forward, hands clenched at his side. Natalie places a calmly hand on his arm. Adam stands quietly taking this all in.

NATALIE

Jared, we need all the help we can get to bring Maddie home.

JARED

And you think your sister, who lives at the club and has never turned down a drink, is the best person for the job.

CLAIRE

Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are? You have no idea the things I’ve been through, what I’ve seen. You don’t know anything about me.

Natalie steps forward and looks Claire in the eyes.

NATALIE

I know you. And I know you will do anything to bring our Maddie back to us.

Claire searches Natalies eyes and sees they are filled with nothing but love and concern for her.

CLAIRE

I will do everything in my power to find Maddie.

Jared huffs. Natalie turns and glares at him. Adam looks over at Claire.

[Andrew Boyd]

Andrew Boyd loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: For Hitler’s Choirboys to be such a compelling screenplay that Spielberg and Gibson will battle it out to produce their most powerful WW2 drama since Hacksaw Ridge or Schindler’s List.

What I learned from doing this assignment: Again, going through looking out for one element to change at a time is a great way to work. And the movie clips Hal has selected to illustrate the technique really help, as ever.

A screenplay like this that deals with such a heavy subject – the holocaust – needs plenty of light and shade, and banter and interplay gives it that, and hopefully will open up the issue to a younger audience.

I thought I’d already filled the script with banter but going through I still found more opportunity.

Here’s an example (Sorry the formatting has stripped out):

INT. HENRY’S ROOM – NIGHT

Henry looks at a CHRISTMAS CARD.

INSERT: CARD ‘missing you more than I could say. Alma X’

He smiles, COUGHS, stabs the embers of the fire, turns back to the open BIBLE on his desk and rubs his hands. The door bursts open, and Gus all but falls through.

HENRY

You OK?

Unsteadily, Gus flings his coat on the door hook and crams his cap on top. He snaps open his BRIEFCASE and slaps a MANILA FOLDER down on Henry’s open Bible.

GUS

Merry Christmas, Chaplain! I bring you season’s greetings of good cheer…

With a grim nod, he flips open the brown paper file and spreads PHOTOGRAPHS across Henry’s Bible. Unseen by us.

HENRY

Good God! Cough.

GUS

You think?

Gus rummages for a WHISKEY BOTTLE and pours them a slug.

GUS

Trophy pictures. Keepsakes. Treasured possessions of Nazi guards. That’s where I spent my Christmas. Talking to killers. Know what they told me? They were avenging the death of Jesus. By crucifying Jews. Christ, Henry!

HENRY

Gus…

GUS

(Downing a whiskey)

Where was your God, Henry, when…

He takes it out on the embers with the POKER.

GUS

Do psychopaths have souls, Henry? ‘Cause let me tell you what these bastards lack. Empathy. The basic humanity even to begin to imagine what their victims must feel.

He slams his hand down on the Bible, scattering photos. He picks some up and waves them. Now we get a glimpse.

INSERT: GRIM PICTURES of Nazi crucifixions.

GUS

Know what I’d do, Henry, if I were the Almighty? I’d make the punishment fit the crime. I’d make these Nazis live through every moment of physical pain and emotional suffering they’ve caused every other human being. If raw, basic, human empathy is what these thugs need, empathy is what they’d get.

Henry pulls at his lower lip and sighs heavily.

HENRY

So an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth? Endlessly? Who’d be left, Gus? Would you? I certainly wouldn’t.

(Empties his own glass)

Sounds like hell, to me.

GUS

(Calming down a little)

Yeah, yeah, give ‘em hell, Henry.

Gus downs the fumes in his glass, and raddles the fire.

GUS

What the hell is hell, anyway?

(Snorts)

I hope it’s hotter’n this… feeble… conflab… confab…

HENRY

Conflagration?

GUS

Bravo!

HENRY

Maybe hell is the place where you finally get to see everything clearly and realise it’s too late to change a thing.

GUS

Don’t gimme that! The one who could change it all, where was he?… I’m… not judging God, I’m just finding him absent. Without leave.

Gus crams the photos back into the envelope and waves off Henry’s objection before he can make it.

GUS

Ah… Not tonight, Padre! I… need to sleep.

Henry is racked by a fusillade of COUGHING.

GUS

Put a sock in it Padre!