Lesson 21

[Laurie Stoner]

What I learned doing this assignment is that structuring a scene for a big reveal isn’t as tough when I use the model to brainstorm the 3 pieces.

Hannah slides a long deadbolt on the door. Leans against it, shaking. Sudden loud KNOCK.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

Hannah? I’m locked out. You must have thrown the deadbolt. Let me in.

Hannah slides down the door until she’s sitting on the floor. Demetri pounds on the door.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

Hannah? I know you’re in there. Are you okay? Answer me!

HANNAH

Those papers you had me sign. They weren’t for Althea’s company. They were to get total control over me.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

Yeah. Temporarily. You remember. I explained how I needed to be your POA so I could move some money around to pay the bills. Althea was there because we needed a witness. I never said it had anything to do with her company.

HANNAH

I called the gallery. They said they sold everything of mine. The old stuff, new stuff. All of it. When were you going to tell me?

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

I was afraid to. You got so mad about how you felt exploited. I know it’s because you can’t see, but you’re so paranoid.

HANNAH

Am I?

DEMETRI

Yes. Let me in so we can talk face to face.

HANNAH

Oh, and the bank called. Said my checking account had fallen below the minimum balance and since I hadn’t responded to any of their warnings, they were closing it.

DEMETRI

It’s a mistake. I’ll take care of it.

HANNAH

So many mistakes…

DEMETRI

For fuck’s sake, Hannah, open the door and let me explain. I feel like a fool out here.

HANNAH

I don’t want an explanation. I want you out of my life.

DEMETRI

You’re over reacting!

HANNAH

Maybe.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

Be reasonable. You need me. And like it or not, you signed the POA document of your own volition. Althea will back me up on that.

HANNAH

I’m sure she will.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

What are you going to do? Take me to court? That will take months. Think about that. Months on your own with no one to turn to. I do everything. Buy the food, send out the laundry, and this is fucking the thanks I get.

HANNAH

Thank you, Demetri, for everything you’ve done . Now go away and leave me alone.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

I’m warning you! Open the door, Hannah. You have no reason to accuse me of controlling you over a simple mistake at the bank. You expect me to be your obedient lap dog! Do whatever you tell me to earn a pat on the head or a measly treat? I deserve better. You owe me. Now open the goddamn door, Hannah. Don’t make me call a locksmith.

Hannah gets up. Slowly douses her canvases with turpentine.

HANNAH

They’ll be too late. They’ll be nothing left by the time they get here!

She approaches the canvas Erin created and stops. She caresses the canvas.

HANNAH

If only I could see it.

DEMETRI

Hannah! What are you doing?

HANNAH

Removing all traces of our life together.

DEMETRI

What is that? I smell turpentine! Hannah! You wouldn’t.

HANNAH

Wouldn’t I?

Hannah picks up a lighter. Clicks a flame. Erin enters.

ERIN

Put that thing down.

HANNAH

Erin! I knew you couldn’t stay away from me. Like moth to flame!

ERIN

Don’t be silly. I couldn’t let you burn my painting

HANNAH

I wouldn’t — Please! I want to see it now!

ERIN

It’s time.

HANNAH

Erin! You left before I got to tell you how much you’ve meant to me. How you gave me my life back.

ERIN

You gave it to yourself, Hannah.

HANNAH

I couldn’t. Not without you. You made me see what I was missing. It was right there in front of me, but I was too blind — even before I lost my eyesight. So blind.

ERIN

And now, your vision is clear .

HANNAH

Very funny, but it’s true. I’m starting my creative workshops for kids again. I’ve missed them so much. The kids have so much raw talent and joy! Like I used to. They’re just waiting to be nurtured. Of course, I won’t be able to see what they’re doing like before, but I’ll make them tell me. It won’t be like what you and I had, but it will work. I know!

ERIN

I’m glad, Hannah.

HANNAH

What have you been up to? No! Don’t answer that.

ERIN

I no longer bray in despair if that’s what you mean, for my thoughts are elsewhere.

HANNAH

I still see darkness in you, but also such light.

ERIN

You opened me to it. I am reconciled to my fate now, for you will live forever in my memory.

HANNAH

And you in mine.

DEMETRI (OFF STAGE)

Hannah! Who are you talking to? I called the police. Told them you’d lost your mind and were threatening to burn the place down. They’re on their way.

HANNAH

Good! You saved me the trouble.

ERIN

He is not worthy of you.

HANNAH

Oh, Erin, if only you there was a way we could stay together.

ERIN

Unfortunately, it is not to be. But I granted a short reprieve and that has made all the difference. Who knows? I am foolish enough to believe my future may yet hold more.

HANNAH

I hope so.

ERIN

Farewell, Hannah. For now.

Erin walks past the portrait she painted of Hannah.

HANNAH

Oh, Erin. I see it. I see it!

Erin vanishes into the dark. Lightning strikes. Thunder BOOMS. SIRENS. FOOTSTEPS in the hallway. Hannah gathers herself. Walks to the door. Pulls the dead bolt.

[Audrey Gomes]

LESSON 21: REVEALS THAT PIQUE CURIOSITY

Audrey

What I’ve learned in doing this assignment is how much fun it is when you let your imagination run free with the right tools to help me shape a cohesive, dynamic situation. I still feel as though I don’t have complete control yet, but definitely an exciting new adventure into the realm of creative expression… known as screenwriting.

I think this scene is structured: Demand/Cover-up/Reveal.

INT: SOLARIUM ATTACHED TO HOUSE – DAY

It’s New England fall. CELINE, late 70’s, stout, but fragile, dressed warmly, wearing sunglasses, stands in front of the solarium window, staring out and soaking up the warm rays. She has a very calm demeanor.

Already in conversation on her Cell Phone…

CELINE

Mona, I’m not expecting anyone. Especially not Ted.

MONA (O.S.)

Grandmother, we all agreed that you’re never to left alone… And not with him.

CELINE

Please… stop worrying.

MONA (O.S.)

I don’t want anything to happen to you.

CELINE

I can take care of myself.

Just then Celine hears FOOTSTEPS crushing leaves outside. She turns ever so slowly… listens.

MONA (O.S.)

Call me later, okay…

CELINE

Yes, I will Mona.

She hangs up. Stealthily moves to…

INT: LIVING ROOM – SAME

Curated room of leather couches, Baccarat, and Lalique crystal, oil paintings. Cozy and well worn. Feels like someone has lived here forever.

Wings chairs positioned in front of a large Bay Window looking out to the barren fall garden. The backs of the chairs face the front door. Celine sits in one. She stares straight ahead looking out.

A MOMENT LATER

The BEEPs of the Security Code being entered. The door CREEKS opens. TED enters. He’s wearing a mask and has a gun.

CELINE

Is that you TED?

No answer. He’s SCOUTS the house out… Darting from room to room.

Celine takes a deep steely breath.

CELINE

No one else is in the house.

He aims at the gun at the CAMERA, shoots, watching it explode into pieces.

Celine flinches.

He pulls the mask off. Sweeps the room for LISTENING DEVICES in the lamps, behind pictures. Starts KNOCKING things over… Deliberately… indiscriminately.

Celine sits frozen, calm.

CELINE

What do you want with me?

TED

I figured this whole thing out.

Gets in her face.

TED

Where’s the most inconspicuous

spot for a thief to hide the goods?… Answer? In plain sight! With the old woman who lives in a fuckin’ shoe.

CLAPS his hands…

TED

That’s brilliant! John was always the smart one.

CELINE

(calmly)

My son is dead. He made a mistake stealing that diamond. But I have no idea where it is.

Ted squats down in front of Celine, leans in close…

TED

I don’t believe you!… Okay!… Let’s make a deal. You tell me where it’s hidden and I won’t have to hurt anybody else.

LONG PAUSE as Celine digest the comment. She starts to cry…

CELINE

You killed my son!… I always loved you.

But she slowly stops… needs to stay steely-sharp, keep her edge, stay in control.

Ted starts pacing. Then, CRASH, he knocks a lamp over.

CELINE

(calmy)

I know you helped build that company —

TED

— And he stole from us! I was the one who worked seven days a week to hold it all together.

CELINE

Then, keep the business. It can be yours. Run it the way you’ve always wanted to. You won’t lose!

TED

See… why would you say that? You got a nickel in this quarter. You put up the collateral. You don’t even want your investment back? Why would anyone walk away from a cash cow?

(beat)

I’ll tell you why… because you’re expecting bigger gains…

He MARCHES over to Celine… And SLAPS her so hard, her glasses fly off.

He’s immediately sorry.

TED

(whining)

I don’t want to hurt you…

(beat)

For the last time.

She can’t look at him, looks down, still steely, but tears stream down her face.

TED

I’m gonna give you ‘an out.’ You turn over the diamond. Or I kill every member of your family one by one… John was first. Wanna guess who’s next?

LONG PAUSE as digest the moment, it’s time to close the schism. Celine steadies herself to get up… She’s too shaken to pull herself to her feet.

CELINE

Help me up.

Ted’s instantly relieved. Sticks the gun in his pants. CROSSES to Celine… reaches down, and hoisting her up…

When out of Celine’s sleeve drops a SYRINGE. She STABS the needle in his neck, PRESSING the PLUNGER fast and hard.

Ted stunned, dazed, reaches for needle. But can’t. Everything goes limp. He drops like a stone. His eyes wide open, blinking. His body slowly stiffening…

Celine looks down at him.

TED

(barely audible)

You… bitch!

CELINE

(calmly)

And you’re right. There was an old woman who 1lived in a fuckin’ shoe. Whose got the goods!

Celine looks up for the first time. It’s a blank stare. She’s blind.

[hilton Garrett]

Hilton

REVEALS THAT PIQUE CURIOSITY

What I learned: I became aware of the dramatic power of reveals, and how to write more of them into the original script. The writing feels richer somehow.

Scene Set-up

Jaimie ghosted Ben thirteen years ago. He has not seen or heard anything from her in all that time. He never stopped looking for her though. Her disappearance changed his life, and not all in a good way. Ben, now a G.B.I. Agent on an impossible assignment gone bad, is caught in an insurrectionist militia camp and trying to escape in a Jeep along with fellow Agent Anna Lee Hafferty, when the Jeep crashes.

Since having been captured he saw Jaimie once from a distance but could not tell if it was her. He wants her more than anything in the world. She is now a major part of the insurrectionist group. It is Ben’s job is to take them down.

Logline: Ben sees Jaimie (now Jenny) for the first time since she left him thirteen years ago.

Structure of the Scene

Demand – Ben has tried to find Jaimie for thirteen years. He longs for any information about her. Now she is right under his nose but he doesn’t realize it.

Cover-up – Jaimie has concealed her identity and become immersed in the militia movement.

Reveal – Ben saves her life from the exploding Hummer, and sees her up close. Now he knows it is her.

————Begin Scene———–

EXT. EDGE OF STAGING AREA – NIGHT

Ben pulls Anna Lee from the jeep and helps her toward cover at the edge of the staging area. Before they get there Jenny returns in the Hummer, bearing down on them.

A militia man throws one of Jenny’s homemade hand grenades at them. It overshoots the mark and lands in the opening just as Jenny arrives there. Ben turns and shoots him.

The grenade explodes, upends the truck. Jenny is stunned. The Hummer is tipped up on its side. Fuel trickles along the ground toward open flames, about to ignite and engulf Jenny.

Ben holds Anna Lee by the shoulders and looks into her eyes. She blinks, breathes deeply, nods her head slightly.

Ben looks over as the Hummer fire creeps closer to Jenny. He looks back at Anna Lee and then runs to the Hummer.

Shielding his face against the flames, he reaches in and manages to pull her out of the burning truck.

He picks her up and carries her away from danger. Holding her in his arms he looks into her eyes. There is no doubt. Jenny and Jaimie are one and the same. Ben gently lays her on the ground.

BEN

(with deep emotion)

Jaimie! Jaimie! Jaimie!

She blinks to clear her head just as…

… the Hummer explodes.

Jenny looks up at Ben. His face, lit by the explosion, is drenched in pain and longing.

JENNY

(groggy and shaken)

You followed me here!

BEN

No. I didn’t. I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t know where you were. I never stopped looking for you though. You don’t know how many thousands of times I’ve wanted to touch you. Hold you. Every time a woman who looked a little like you would walk by, my heart would beat faster and I would think for a fraction of a second that it was you. And then it wasn’t, but then the scab was ripped off and the hole you left inside me was still there. Still bleeding.

JENNY

You’re making me sick.

BEN

Why did you leave me?

JENNY

I left you Benny. Can’t you get that through your head? What else do you need to know?

BEN

I need to know why! Why, Jaimie? I loved you. You could have said something. Anything. Losing you was bad enough but not knowing why, or what happened, or where you were was far, far worse. Without a trace. Nothing. Why didn’t you just tell me? I could have lived with that. Anything but never knowing what happened. Can you understand that?

————End Scene————-

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was asking the encouraged posed questions and using the reveal methodology opened a whole new dimension previously unseen in the scene. There were needed possibilities and entanglements that hadn’t yet existed in the characters’ responses.

INT. BOSTON, ANTHONY’S PIER FOUR RESTAURANT – NIGHT

LOGLINE: At an iconic 5-Star dinner with her Dad, Mollie confronts her Dad about his questionable business ethics and blurts out she is quitting.

Demand #1

Mollie’s pushed against her will by her mother to have dinner alone with her dad.

Cover-up: What’s she afraid of? What happened on a past trip with her dad? Health concerns.

Reveal: Her hero accountant/lawyer dad isn’t trustworthy.

Demand #2 Dad relentlessly questions Molly’s not having a plan for the future.

Cover up: Mollie has overheard two employees angry about Dad’s office ethics.

Reveal: Mollie has an autistic child, and custody is in question. Dad learns of her eviction notice.

INT. BOSTON, ANTHONY’S PIER FOUR RESTAURANT – NIGHT

LOGLINE: At an iconic 5-Star dinner with her Dad, Mollie confronts Dad about his questionable business ethics and blurts out she is quitting.

Setup:

Walking through the iconic harbor restaurant, Mollie, (38) nervous, runs her hands through her bleach blond, cropped hair while adjusting her short skirt. Dad, dressed in a fashionable gray suit with a red and blue paisley tie, puts his hand on her shoulder, directing her to her seat. Mollie in response, shirks his hand away. The formally dressed waiter stands by the table with fresh popovers on a covered silver tray as they are seated.

DAD

So-how are things going, Mollie?

I hear you might be moving, what’s your plan?

MOLLIE

Dad, I’m only here because mom asked me to.

Can’t we just have a nice dinner, without the interrogation?

DAD

(condescending singsong voice):

MOLLIE ANN, for once, you need a plan.

MOLLIE

Dad, enough – I’m not a little kid anymore.

Dad waves the waiter back and orders 2 glasses of Malbec.

MOLLIE

(interrupts)

Dad, that’s yours and mom’s favorite, and she’s not here.

I’ll have a Guinness, please.

DAD

(to the waiter, waving him away)

We’ll have the two Malbecs.

So, how’s that daughter of yours?

Mom and I are concerned you’re not taking her Autism seriously, and what about custody? Is that still in question?

MOLLIE

(uneasy)

No. She’s fine-with her dad.

There’s something I need to talk to you about.

DAD

(folds his arms waiting)

MOLLIE

I’m quitting.

DAD

Quitting?

Not when the quarterly is due.

MOLLIE

(squirming)

I can’t do it anymore- I tried.

DAD

How are you going to make money then?

You’re lucky to have this job.

MOLLIE

I know I need money…it’s just not me.

DAD

If you quit, how are you going to provide for Annie?

You always do this, making these big decisions without planning your next steps.

Being a free spirit has landed you in the toilet every time, and someone has to bail you out.

MOLLIE

This is exactly why I’m leaving.

DAD

Get over yourself.

MOLLIE

Dad, I overheard the paralegals talking about the deal going down with your partner…

Dad grabs a business phone call coming in. Mollie tries to compose herself in uncomfortable silence, fumbling with the menu and the manuscript in her bag.

MOLLIE

Dad, did you hear me? I’m done.

I can’t talk to you about this. You don’t listen, and you’ll never understand.

DAD

Understand what?

The waiter arrives, interjecting to take their dinner order. Dad waits for Mollie to order.

MOLLIE

I’ll have a beet and Gorgonzola salad, please.

DAD

Prime rib for me.

MOLLIE:

(Blurts out her unanswered question)

OK, I am finally going to ask you. Why did you stop me from riding?

DAD

Are you still mulling that one over that?

MOLLIE

You have never addressed it, ever!

Why did you make that decision?

DAD

(musing)

I knew you’d never make any money.

MOLLIE

(shocked)

You stopped me from riding because of money?

That was my dream. I was the best. Red knew I could do it, and others knew it too!

DAD

(silently listening)

MOLLIE CON’T
Mom told me the story of how you bought her a new car every year!

DAD

Mollie Ann. I HAD the money to do the things I wanted.

I worked hard to make my dreams happen.

MOLLIE

Don’t Mollie Ann me.

Don’t you realize that it made my desire to ride that much stronger?

D:

Get over it- that was years ago.

M:

(starts to stands up)

You… you made that decision without even speaking to me? You had supported me up until that moment when I was going to go to ride at Madison Square Gardens. It was my moment to shine, and you’re not even sorry.

DAD

Sit down; you need to grow up sometime, for Annie’s sake.

Mollie grabs the manuscript “Give your horse its Head” out of her purse to show her dad and the eviction notice falls on the table.

DAD CON’T

Good God! It’s even worse than I knew.

[Bill]

Bill Southwell Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that building in REVEALS is a powerful way to hold interest for the audience.

Logline: Charis, age 14, is in the hospital. Her mother Afton visits and talks to her doctor.

Charis

Hello mother. So glad to see you

AFTON

I brought you some books to read.

Charis looks at them—sees they are all teen novels

CHARIS

Mother, you have got to be kidding. Bring me a history of Egypt.

AFTON

Oh, all right. Has your tests come back? Has the doctor been in?

CHARIS

Yes, but he wants to discuss them with you first. [intrigue, DEMAND]

AFTON

You have been getting a lot of get-well cards and letters. Here, I brought them for you

CHARIS

Thanks, I like looking at them.

She looks through some of them.

CHARIS

Here is one from a classmate who signs his name with a dollar Sign. I know who that is because he owes me a dollar.

AFTON

You are looking good and your spirits are high. So, I wonder what is wrong.

CHARIS

I don’t know that I want to know. [COVER UP]

Dr. Brown enters the room.

Dr. BROWN

Mrs. Greenwood, can I speak with you outside for a minute?

Afton and Dr. Brown leave the room to the hallway.

Dr. BROWN

I have Charis’s lab work.

AFTON

How do they look?

Dr. Brown

So here’s the bottom line. Ah…. The Rheumatic Fever has persisted far too long. Her fevers continue ans we see a continuing worsening of her joint inflammation. So the bottom line is, and I have consulted with the doctors here at the hospital, . . . she has Rheumatioid Arthritis. [REVEAL]

AFTON

(shocked) Are you sure? OH!

Dr. BROWN

She has all the symptoms. Sed rate, C-reactive protein, red swollen joints. We did a blood test for the rheumatoid factor. The results were inconclusive, but that is often the case for the first year of the progression of the disease. After a year the patient will then test Seropositive for Rheumatoid Arthritis.

AFTON

She is young. Will she grow out of it?

Dr. BROWN

Unfortunately, it is a chronic progressive disease. And when it occurs at her age, the prognosis is especially bad. It is called Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. They often become wheel-chair bound.

Later that evening Charis is alone writing in her diary.

CHARIS (V.O)

Well here I am, dear book, more depressed I guess than I have ever been.

The doctor was here today and I guess he sort of upset me, and not without cause. He seems to think that I have rheumatoid arthritis. I know that regardless of what the Doctor thinks I have, it won’t make any difference.

But the awful fact is that my elbows are already stiff so that I can’t straighten them all the way out.

I was very brave when he told me and I decided at once to forget my own life and become a nuclear physicist or something and devote my life to my country and my science. At least my brain won’t be crippled. Now I’m not so brave.

Once I saw a picture of a girl with rheumatoid arthritis on the front page of the newspaper. She was in a wheelchair and she was getting married. It was that unusual.

I’m speaking very bitterly but I guess I have to get it off my chest.

I see no reason why it should happen to others and not to me but it’s hard to resign yourself to the fact that you have a crippling disease for which there is not only no cure but no help at all. [NEW REALITY]

END of SCENE