Lesson 22

[Deb Johnson]

Deb’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… If you want to build a better scene, the max interest techniques are the way to go. Take the time to brainstorm as you build your outline, and you will invariably have an interesting scene that the reader won’t want to put down. You start with the structure and then add character and dialogue techniques – allowing them to build one upon the other.

Logline: Stella’s boss, Regina has taken credit for Stella’s work, but Stella plans to win the war.

Interest technique Ideas:

STRUCTURAL

A. Suspense:
Stella creates/downloads a financial spreadsheet
Stella creates some sort of ‘dossier’ to give to her boss – that’s empty.
Her boss is about to go into a meeting – but is given wrong information – or the information is missing.
Stella makes two folder presentations – one that’s full of information and one that’s empty – she shows her boss the full one – and then switches it to the empty one.

B. Major twist:
When Regina opens the dossier – it’s empty – and she has to wing it… in front of a demanding CEO.
Stella gives Regina to Good dossier by accident.
When Regina gets on the boat, she tosses the laced coffee into the water.

C. Surprise:
Stella always brings Regina coffee – this time it’s laced with a laxative – that takes effect in the middle of the meeting.
Stella has written a mean note on the empty dossier – like “this is what happens when you screw me.” And then there’s a big happy face.
The fake dossier has funny pictures of animals – instead of the important information needed for the meeting. The final page reads, ‘by the way, I quit.’

D. Put in a More Interesting Setting:
The initial ‘truce’ meeting takes place in a bar – where Stella gets Regina drunk.
The payback scene is in a boardroom.
The truce meeting is at a bakery – they talk over coffee and scones
The payback scene is at a fancy restaurant overlooking the city
On a yacht – and Stella can’t go because she gets seasick

E. Mislead / Reveal:
At first, it looks like Stella is being super sweet and caring of Regina, but later we realize it’s a set-up for her sabotage. Stella brings her coffee and a bagel and some Tylenol, etc.

F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony
Choppy waters or a potential storm my cancel the boat trip
The CEO was planning to fire Regina on this trip anyway – but now he feels sorry for her after he’s seen what Stella has done.

G. Uncertainty — hope / fear:
Stella is worried that Regina will miss the boat because of her hangover.
Will Regina take the fake dossier?
Will she look at it before she gets on the boat?
Will she drink the ex-lax coffee?
There is a delay – will the boat leave the dock?

H. Intrigue:
Stella drives to the dock – there’s a bottle of ex-lax in the passenger seat.
Stella talks on the phone about how she’s going to get revenge on Regina for stealing her ideas.
Stella has two identical dossier’s that she shuffles before she gives it to Regina.

I. Mystery:
What did Regina do to screw Stella over?
Why does Stella go through such extremes to get revenge?
Will her revenge play out as she planned?

J. Cliffhanger:
A storm rolls in – Regina falls overboard
Regina tells the CEO that she’s quitting her job to sell tchotchke on eBay.
The CEO confesses his love for Stella.

K. Dilemma:
The CEO gives Regina a promotion, but only if she keeps Stella as her assistant.

L. Something unseen:
Regina has a lazy husband and is the sole provider for her household. She can’t afford to fail.
Stella doesn’t want to hurt Regina but her boyfriend insists on the sabotage to make things right.
Stella’s co-workers egg her on and force her to sabotage Regina because they all hate her.
Stella and Regina are sisters.

CHARACTER

A. Character changes radically:
We think Regina is being duped by Stella, but she is suspicious and has mitigated the situation just in case Stella turns on her. She appears to be hungover – but in fact, she’s been up all night putting together her own dossier.
After the boat leaves, Stella is struck with a guilty conscience – she tries to call Regina but can’t reach her.

B. Betrayal:
Stella appears to be a concerned and careful assistant, but she’s out to get Regina.

C. Dilemma:
Regina is so hung over, she’s not sure she can even get on the boat – but she must attend the meeting.
Stella is going to lose her job and her reputation for sabotaging Regina – but she doesn’t care because she’s consumed by revenge.
If Regina wants to take the promotion offered by the CEO, she’s going to have to keep Stella as an assistant – someone she’s screwed over and who hates her.

D. Uncomfortable Moment:
Regina’s stomach upset after the ex-lax kicks in.
Regina’s hangover.
When Stella steps on the boat and feigns seasickness. Or maybe she really is seasick. She pukes over the edge.

E. Misinterpretation:
Stella thought she was going to get on the boat and be a part of the meeting, but she wasn’t invited. Regina did it to embarrass her.
Regina thought the CEO wanted a certain dossier, but it turns out he wanted something completely different.

DIALOGUE

A. Hook:
There’s a strange man on the boat – he has a gun? Some sort of secret service maybe? But he gets off the boat before it leaves the dock. He stands on the dock with Stella.
There’s a strange person on the dock who watches the interchange between Stella and Regina. When the boat departs – he ominously tells Stella that the boat will sink.

B. Predictions:
Whatever is in the dossier is so important that the CEO says the future of the company depends on it.

C. Creating a Future:
We now know that Regina needs to reconcile with Stella if she is going to move forward in the company – but how can this happen when she knows how Stella tried to sabotage her?

D. Anticipatory Dialogue: The
Stella tries to make Regina nervous about the meeting – giving her own premonitions and warnings. Putting doubts in Regina’s mind about the CEO and his intentions.

Scene:

INT. CHILI’S BAR – NIGHT

Stella and Regina are well into Margaritas. They’re laughing.

STELLA Oh my god, I can’t believe we had a falling out!

REGINA First time for everything.

STELLA Here’s hoping it’s our last.

REGINA Cheers to that, my friend, my trusted aid. My steady.

Stella flags the waiter.

STELLA Two more please! And some baby backs!

REGINA Girl, you are trouble. You know I’ve got that meeting tomorrow.

STELLA Girl! I’ve got you covered. The dossier is set and ready to go.

REGINA The future of the company depends on it.

STELLA Listen. I get it, you’re the boss. My job is to make you look good. If I have a good idea and you run with it… that’s okay. We need to keep the big picture in mind.

REGINA I’m glad you understand that, now.

The waiter brings two Margaritas.

STELLA Margarita! Margarita! Oh! We should get extra shots!

REGINA You are wicked!

CUT TO:

EXT. BOAT DOCK – DAY

A red sky dawns over the horizon as a showy yacht prepares to set sail.

INT. STELLA’S CAR – DAY

Stella pours Ex-Lax into a Starbucks coffee. She grabs a satchel that contains two identical Blue Folders.

EXT. BOAT DOCK – DAY

Stella exits her car and looks at her watch. She notices a bedraggled HOMELESS MAN who sits fishing at the edge of a dock.

Regina’s car pulls up and she slowly gets out. She wears dark sunglasses and carries a satchel.

STELLA Morning Boss!

REGINA Ugh. How can you be so chipper?

Stella hands her the coffee.

REGINA You’re a dream.

The water is choppy. Stella produces Blue Folder 1.

STELLA Here.

She flips the pages showing Regina the layout.

STELLA Everything’s in order, just follow the bullet points.

REGINA Thanks. With this weather, I wonder if we’ll even leave the dock.

STELLA Oh! I almost forgot!

Stella puts the folder back in her satchel and pulls out a bakery bag and a bottle of Tylenol.

STELLA Thought this might help too.

REGINA Girlfriend, you are in line for a promotion!

Stella laughs. GEORGE, A well dressed, tall, handsome man appears at the bow and waves to the ladies.

REGINA Guess that’s my cue.

Regina heads for the boat. Stella follows.

STELLA Keeping my fingers crossed. George is always full of surprises.

REGINA To be honest, I’m not sure why the CEO suggested this meeting here. Maybe he wants to throw me overboard.

STELLA We can only hope!

Regina gives her a funny look and Stella laughs. Regina laughs.

REGINA Girl, you are wicked.

Regina steps up onto the boat. George assists. He takes Regina’s coffee and her satchel.

GEORGE Regina, welcome!

She is unsteady and looks sick. Stella pulls Blue Folder 2 from her satchel.

STELLA Wait!

She hands the second folder to Regina.

REGINA I really need to pull it together!

Regina dry heaves and rushes to the edge of the boat. She spews into the water.

STELLA Regina! Are you okay?

George rushes to her side. Regina lifts her head and sighs.

REGINA Whew. I feel better now.

George ushers Regina to a comfortable seating area and signals the captain.

REGINA Thanks for everything Stella. I wouldn’t be here without you.

Stella waves from the dock.

STELLA (under her breath) You’re damn right.

The homeless person shuffles over to Stella as the boat pulls away.

HOMELESS MAN Your friend on that boat?

STELLA I don’t have friends.

HOMELESS MAN That’s good because that boat is cursed. I did it. I put a curse on it. It’s going down.

STELLA Why would you do that?

HOMELESS MAN Nothing better to do.

Stella looks warily at the man and walks away.

EXT. YACHT – DAY

The yacht cruises. George hands Regina her coffee and her satchel.

GEORGE Let me see if breakfast is ready and then we’ll get to business.

REGINA Sounds good! I’ve been up half the night working on a new proposal.

GEORGE I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.

George walks away.

Regina opens the Blue Folder to see a series of blank pages. She flips to the last page which reads: “This is what happens when you screw with me. I quit. Stella.”

Regina is furious. She walks to the edge of the boat and tosses the Blue Folder overboard.

She is about to sip the coffee but thinks twice and tosses it overboard.

George returns.

GEORGE I’m sorry, Regina. There’s a squall that’s just come up. My man tells me we’re going to have to turn around.

Regina pulls out a red file from her satchel and flips through it: detailed notes, charts and outlines.

REGINA That’s too bad.

GEORGE No worries. My plan B was to meet at Spargos.

REGINA Just as nice. Listen George, I can’t stand the suspense. You’ll have to tell me what this is all about.

GEORGE You’re right. I do love theatrics. The short of it is, after we wrap up the Penske File, we’d like you and Stella to open our new branch in Barcelona.

REGINA Me and Stella?

GEORGE You both make a great team. Never seen two people work so well together. It’s a package deal that can’t miss.

Regina, smiling, looks at the ominous cloud formation.

[Blair Marino]

Blair’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that it takes some time to implement interest techniques into a script.
Logline: John joins Patrick on a trip to a beach resort not knowing what Patrick has in store there.
Interest technique ideas:
1. STRUCTURAL
A. Suspense.
John is plotting a way to get back at Patrick for botching a past criminal scheme, but it isn’t revealed right away.
B. Major twist.
John pretends that he wants to have a truce, but in reality, he’s setting Patr.
C. Surprise.
While John is plotting Patrick’s fall, it is revealed that Patrick is romantically involved with John’s sister Julie.
D. Put in a More Interesting Setting
John invites Patrick to a vacation resort on an island
E. Mislead / Reveal.
While John is setting Patrick up to take a fall, Patrick is actually using John in a plot to steal an Emerald from a person from John’s past.
F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony
John’s sister, Julie, is secretly invited to the resort by Patrick. While at the resort, we find out that Julie has been recruited by the FBI to help take down a separate crime ring that involves John and Patrick, but Julie doesn’t know that they’re involved.
G. Uncertainty — hope / fear
Patrick finds out about Julie being in the FBI. Patrick confronts Julie and Julie states that she is trying to help Patrick escape. John finds out about the plan and confronts Julie about it.
H. Intrigue
Julie isn’t sure if she’s going to be able to help Patrick escape.
I. Mystery
Patrick steals the valuable from the mark at the resort but we don’t know how Patrick was able to pull it off.
J. Cliffhanger
John tips off Julie about a crime. Patrick is confronted by Julie about the emerald.
K. Dilemma
Will Patrick turn himself in to Julie or will he run?
L. Something unseen
The person who’s emerald is stolen is actually a part of a sting operation.
2. CHARACTER
A. Character changes radically.
John’s sister Julie is actually is in the FBI.
B. Betrayal.
John betrays Patrick by tipping him off to Julie.
C. Dilemma
Julie realizes that Patrick is the criminal she has been chasing, but she also realizes that she has feelings for him.
D. Uncomfortable Moment
John finds out that Patrick is romantically involved with his sister.
E. Misinterpretation
John doesn’t know that Julie is an agent and once he finds out, he has second thoughts about betraying Patrick.

3. DIALOGUE
A. Hook
Patrick invites Julie to the resort.
B. Predictions
“This might be a lot easier with you knowing him.”
C. Creating a Future
Patrick thanking John for joining him to steal the emerald. “Give it some more time…”
D. Anticipatory Dialogue
When Patrick says, “You know him? That’s the mark.”

Scene:
EXT. BEACH RESORT POOL – MORNING

JOHN and his co-worker PATRICK both wear sun glasses while sipping fancy drinks in beach chairs by the pool.

PATRICK
Thanks for joining me here to help with the mark. I know I owe you two now after I botched that last burglary.

JOHN
I've known you for a while and we can all slip up now and then.

PATRICK
Well, you're generous in your forgiveness.

JOHN
Besides, I couldn't turn down a trip to this wonderful resort.

They continue drinking and people watching. A tall man in a Fedora sits at a table across the pool. John recognizes the man and gestures to him.

JOHN
That's Clayton Johnson. I went to high school with him.

Patrick looks across the pool. He raises his eye brows.

PATRICK
You know him? He's the mark.

JOHN
Say what now?

PATRICK
That's the guy I plan to steal the Emerald Verde he's currently transporting from Columbia.

JOHN
Is that why you invited me here? Because I know him?

PATRICK
Of course not. I had no idea that you knew him.

Patrick takes a sip of his drink.

PATRICK
You know, this might be a lot easier with you knowing him.

JOHN
I'm not so sure about this now.

Patrick stands up.

PATRICK
Why, because you went to high school with him? Give it some more thought. I'm due for a nap.

Patrick walks towards the hotel. John takes off his sun glasses and looks over at CLAYTON.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – LATER

Patrick scans the key to the door and enters the room.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The shower is heard running in the bathroom. Patrick puts his sun glasses on the nightstand. The shower stops running. Patrick taps on the bathroom door. He opens the door to JULIE, covering herself with a towel.

INT. HOTEL BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

PATRICK
Whoa, it's steamy in here.

JULIE
Yeah, I took a hot shower.

PATRICK
Or, are you just really hot?

Patrick wraps his arms around Julie's shoulders. Julie smirks.

JULIE
I need to dry off.

PATRICK
Okay, okay.

Patrick leaves the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Patrick lays down on the bed and looks at his phone. Julie opens the bathroom door. She dries her hair with a towel.

JULIE
You know, I don't think my brother is going to be too thrilled when he finds out that I'm here.

PATRICK
Who says we have to tell him?

JULIE
So, I'm supposed to stay cooped up in this room the whole week?

PATRICK
I didn't say that. There are so many places here to explore, I'm sure John will never find out.

JULIE
I do have some work to catch up on while I'm here.

PATRICK
Seriously?

JULIE
It seems that I have some time to work now.

PATRICK
I guess you're right.

Patrick gives Julie a kiss.

PATRICK
I'm going to take a shower now.

JULIE
Yeah, you are a little ripe.

Patrick gives a fake laugh. He enters the bathroom and closes the door. The sound of the water running is heard. Julie finishes getting dressed and takes out her laptop. She listens for Patrick to enter the shower. She dials a number on her phone. It rings once on the other end.

JULIE
Yes I'm here.

She listens to person on the other end.

JULIE
He's taking a shower now.

She continues to listen to the person on the other end.

EXT. BEACH RESORT POOL – LATER

John is sitting next to Clayton under an umbrella.

JOHN
So how long has it been, Clayton?

CLAYTON
At least twenty years I would say.

JOHN
What bring you here?

CLAYTON
I'm meeting a client who is interested in an emerald I have.

JOHN
Wow. That wouldn't happen to be the Emerald Verde, would it?

CLAYTON
How do you know about that?

John takes off his sun glasses.

JOHN
Because I know someone who wants to steal it.

Clayton looks perplexed.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

🤩Firdaus F Bilimoria – Interest Scene Lesson 22 exercise

What I learned doing this assignment is using as many interest techniques as possible to enhance the dramatic and emotional impact of a scene.

LOGLINE: Andy is screwed over by his boss Barry once and in an epiphany realizes that getting mad and even beats being the perpetual victim.

SCENE:

EXT. OUTSIDE OFFICE BUILDING, DAY
ANDY, thin framed and bespectaled, walks out of the entrance. He looks agitated. CLOSE UP: Andy is breathing heavily and sweating.

ANDY
(to himself)
I can’t believe it. Buttfuck Barry screwed me!
(exaggerated deep voice, mimicking Barry)
I am putting you on notice Andy, until you change your attitude..
(himself again, angry)
Asshole!

He stares the bar next to the building entrance. He goes in.

INT. INSIDE BAR, DAY
Andy heads over to the bar. It is still early and very few people are in the bar. The bartender is chiseling ice with a ice pick.

ANDY
Scotch please, neat.

Bartender pours him his drink and continues chiseling the ice.

Andy stares into his drink.

ANDY
(mutters to himself)
Day One hundred thirty-nine of sobriety.

He picks up the drink and inhales it, savoring the aroma. He puts it down without drinking from the glass.

BARTENDER
Tough day?

Andy looks at him blankly.

ANDY
The trend is not my friend.

BARTENDER
We have all been there.

Bartender nods and heads to another customer. Andy stares at his drink. He nods to himself as if he made a decision.

INT. OFFICE BOARDROOM, DAY
BARRY, muscular, fit, tanned, is standing at the head of the room, addressing a table full of people. He is obviously in charge. Andy walks in.

BARRY
What brings you back Andy? Weren’t you given some time off to think through your priorities?

ANDY
I had an epiphany. You know, like a sudden realization.

BARRY
I know what an epiphany is. Do you know what a perpetual victim is?

ANDY
I saw the light Barry. You were right.

BARRY
Yeah?…

ANDY
It doesn’t matter that you usurped my project and intellectual output.

Barry’s eyes narrow. He glances at the people at the table, assessing how they take this in.

ANDY
What matters, Barry, is I report to you. And out of respect I should be more cognizant of your feelings and position of authority.

Barry is confused.

ANDY
What I’m saying is Barry, I was out of line. And I am sorry.

A long moment of silence. The tension in the room is palpable.

BARRY
(laughs)
Get out of here, you almost had me there.

Andy laughs. The people at the table laugh. Except for JASMINE who is sitting up front. She stares at Andy with concern.

Andy looks at Jasmine. They hold eyes for a moment. It is obvious they have an emotional connection. Jasmine intuits something is off and Andy might do something. She shakes her head slightly. Andy half-nods at her.

Barry picks up on Andy and Jasmine’s exchange.

BARRY
How badly do you want your job back, Andy?

ANDY
Bad enough. I am here.

BARRY
Get on your knees and lick my shoes you pompous know it all!

JASMINE
That’s enough Barry! You are out of line!

BARRY
Think of it as an emotional group exercise.

INT. BAR, DAY (FLASHBACK)
Andy is staring into his drink.

ANDY
(mutters to himself)
I am not gonna get drunk. I am just gonna get mad… with rage.

He stands up. The bartender is further down the bar talking to a customer. Andy leans over and takes the ice pick from the ice bucket and tucks it in his belt at his back. Andy puts a bill down to pay for the drink and walks out the bar.

INT. OFFICE BOARDROOM, DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)
Andy is on his knees in front of Barry.

BARRY
Come’on college boy, show us all a slice of real life!

ANDY
Life is full of surprises.

Barry picks up on Andy’s rage and is now uneasy.

BARRY
Get out of here, there’s no coming back for you.

Andy removes the ice pick from his belt. Jasmine sees this and screams.

JASMINE Andy No!!

Andy plunges the ice pick into Barry’s foot. Barry screams in pain. Andy then repeatedly thrusts the ice pick into Barry’s leg which gets bloodied. Barry falls down, howling in sheer agony.
The room erupts in panic and pandemonium.

Andy stands up and stares at Jasmine. Jasmine stares back at him with a mixture of horror and excitement.

Andy looks down at Barry.

ANDY
I am gonna walk out of here, but you will be carried out in a stretcher.

Barry is weeping with pain.

BARRY
You crazy!

ANDY
Tell that to the cops, so they don’t charge me. Otherwise I pay you another visit.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.