Lesson 22

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom – Interest Scene – Lesson 22

This is what I learned doing this assignment – a way to make your reveals more powerful, meaningful, and resonate deeper. Another teacher was talking about a similar concept, and he called it a mask. It was different and I couldn’t control this important tool. The way Hal presented it, alternative reality, cover-up, demand, helped me control and understand the idea of a reveal better with details and vocabulary that made sense to me.

Logline – Vivian is a new kind of social worker who helps people in crisis with police on scene. She places them in needed services. This is a new client for her.

Interest techniques

(Structural)

Surprise –

Jewel doesn’t recognize the surroundings.
JEWEL
This isn’t the way to Rebound.

Suspense –
He PULLS to a covered parking lot. Kaye gets out. He opens his back door and PUSHES Jewel hard against the car.

(Character)

Character changes radically –

KAYE
I want to apologize.
VIVIAN
For what?
KAYE
This is the part that I’m not good at.
VIVIAN
Give it a try.
KAYE
It’s important to be together as a team.

Betrayal –

Vivian’s phone rings. She picks up.
VIVIAN
They should have been there an hour ago.

(Dialogue)

Creating a future –

VIVIAN
I found a bed… through Frances. She’s always been fair to you. But you have to promise me… stay… the whole program.

Hook/Anticipatory Dialogue–

KAYE
Let me make it up to you.
VIVIAN
I’m listening.
KAYE
We’ll take good care of her. I can even forget about the suicide comments on the report.

Scene –

EXT. DERELICT HOUSE – AFTERNOON
VIVIAN, late 20’s, has a name tag, seems in charge, comes out with a woman in tow. She edges JEWEL, also 20’s, weathered, looks beaten, to a transport car. DEPUTY KAYE, is waiting.

KAYE
I want to apologize.

VIVIAN
For what?

KAYE
This is the part that I’m not good at.

VIVIAN
Give it a try.

KAYE
It’s important to be together as a team.

VIVIAN
It is…before we get too far…I should let you know… it’s my sister…

KAYE
The new client?

VIVIAN
That’s her.

KAYE
Has she done this before?

VIVIAN
I’m going to get her some help…we’ll finish this later.

KAYE
When you file a complaint it changes the temperature.

VIVIAN
I need to protect my position.

KAYE
Let me make it up to you.

VIVIAN
I’m listening.

KAYE
We’ll take good care of her. I can even forget about the suicide comments on the report.

VIVIAN
That’ll help her parole.

KAYE
We’ll go that way.

VIVIAN
Are you sure about this?

KAYE
I’ll take her. It’s a restart for for me.

Vivian TURNS to Jewel.

VIVIAN
I found a bed… through Frances. She’s always been fair to you. But you have to promise me… stay… the whole program.

JEWEL
Take care of each other. Isn’t that what mom always said?

VIVIAN
Nobody else here. Just us two. 30 days.

JEWEL eases into the backseat of the Deputy’s Sedan.
Vivian PUSHES a button on her phone. Kaye’s phone BEEPS.

VIVIAN (TO KAYE)
That’s the address. They’re expecting you.

Kaye glances at the screen.

KAYE
Next time. Talk to me first.
He gets in the car and takes off.

EXT. SAN DIEGO DERELICT HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Vivian is in the front yard with a few other Deputies millings around. She eases into a shaded corner. Vivian dials a number. Speaks into the phone.

VIVIAN
She’s on her way.
Vivian is looking at the other deputies closing the doors and finishing up.

VIVIAN
She’ll be there in a few minutes. Kaye is bringing her. I’m worried about her. What happened? Thanks…
She hangs up.

INT. KAYE’S SEDAN – MOMENTS LATER

Kaye is looking through his REAR VIEW MIRROR. Jewel is quiet, looking out the window.

JEWEL
What’s your story? How do you know my sister?

Kaye isn’t talking. He just makes eye contact and stays mute.
Jewel doesn’t recognize the surroundings.

JEWEL
This isn’t the way to Rebound.

EXT. KAYE'S SEDAN – CONTINUOUS
He PULLS to a covered parking lot. Kaye gets out. He opens his back door and PUSHES Jewel hard against the car.
He starts SEARCHING her. Pockets. Legs. Shoes. Bra. He finds a cell phone and places it on the ROOF.
A wallet. Some change. Clears every cavity.

JEWEL
Is this how you treat new clients?

KAYE
Turn around.

He takes her arms and pulls them BEHIND her back. Cuffs her securely.

EXT. CHULA VISTA GENERAL HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Kaye’s sedan glides to a side entrance. He gets out. OPENS the back door. Yanks Jewel with him.

INT. VIVIAN'S OFFICE – EVENING
Vivian’s phone rings. She picks up.

VIVIAN
They should have been there an hour ago.

INT. PSYCH UNIT – NIGHT
Kaye sits Jewel down on a cold bench and approaches an admittance WINDOW. A NURSE meets Kaye on the counter.
Kaye flashes his badge.

CLERK
What do we got?

KAYE
Suicide attempt.

CLERK
72 hour.

KAYE
Yeah.

She shoves a CLIPBOARD at him. He starts filling out the paper work.

A DOOR opens and TWO BIG ORDERLIES surround Jewel on the bench.

JEWEL
What the hell is this?

KAYE
Take her in.

Jewel JUMPS up and makes a break for the door. She doesn’t get vey far.

The TWO ORDERLIES take her down. She kicks and screams.

JEWEL
Nnnooooo!

They SECURE her and DRAG her inside.
Kaye finishes the paperwork slides it to the Nurse.

KAYE
Take her shoelaces.

NURSE
A danger.

She reaches for the clipboard.

KAYE
Code blue.

She WRITES it on the board.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Ronald Neustrom.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Ronald Neustrom.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Ronald Neustrom.

[Diane Keranen]

Nice job, Ron. You’ve packed a lot of interest techniques in and the scene just keeps growing in intensity. A lot of action can be suggested just through what the characters say to each other. 🙂

[Diane Keranen]

Diane’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is that even a boring original idea can turn into something interesting by putting these techniques to work.

Logline: Abby discovers her husband may be having an affair with her best friend and is not going to let anything slide.

Interest technique ideas:
CREATING A FUTURE: Abby and her husband are talking about date night. “Let’s get tickets to ‘Wicked,’ we haven’t been to a Broadway show in ages.”
HOOK: Abby looks at the photos shared by her friends on social media. She sees her husband and best friend Betty in overly intimate embraces and even kisses. She stares at the photos. She scrolls from one to another and looks thoughtful. “You don’t know who you’re up against. Best friend?”
ANTICAPATORY DIALOGUE: “Let’s invite Betty to come along with us. She said her new boyfriend won’t be free that night.”
SOMETHING UNSEEN: Abby drives down Broadway. Suddenly, she spots something ahead. She speeds up her car, careens off the street to the sidewalk and her airbags go off. She reaches up a hand and pulls her airbag out of the way of her sight. She looks at where shocked onlookers are pointing and laughs.
CLIFFHANGER: Abby’s husband walks arm-in-arm with Betty, Abby’s best friend as they exit the theater. Traffic on the street is moderate and they’re not paying attention to it. From behind, a car revs and careens toward the two. They turn to see Abby is driving and heading toward them. He pushes Betty out of way as the car aims for them They are now too far apart for Abby to hit them both. Abby’s car crashes into someone and makes a horrible impact as others on the street scream in horror. Abby’s hand reaches up and pulls her airbag out of her line of sight. She smiles.
MISINTERPRETATION: Abby drives past the theater where she sees her husband with her best friend, Betty, walking arm-in-arm. The play is “Wicked” and she and her husband were talking about going to see it together, but here he is coming out of the theatre with Betty. She stops her car and jumps out. She yells accusations at her husband and friend that they saw the play together. They explain that they were here to get special passes and seats for Abby.

Scene:

INT. ABBY’S CAR – NIGHT
Abby is parked on a busy street and is on speakerphone.

ABBY
Let’s get tickets to ‘Wicked.’ We haven’t been to a Broadway show in ages.

She listens for a moment.

ABBY
Let’s invite Betty to come along with us. She said her new boyfriend won’t be free that night.
(listens)
No, that’s Sonia. I’ve not seen her in years. Betty is the one I have coffee with on Wednesdays.
(listens)
Great. I’ll call her and invite her.

Abby disconnects. She opens her social media and looks at the photos of her husband and Betty standing close, whispering to each other, and laughing away from other guests at a dinner party. She stares at the photos and scrolls from one to another and looks thoughtful.

ABBY
You don’t know who you’re up against. Best friend my ass. Flirting with each other in my own home? You two have some nerve.

Abby puts her phone down and starts to drive through down Broadway. She notices her husband. He walks arm-in-arm with Betty as they exit the theater where ‘Wicked’ is playing. Traffic on the street is moderate and they’re not paying attention to it.

It takes a moment for what she sees to sink in.

Abby speeds up. Her husband and Betty turn to see a car rushing toward them. He pushes Betty out of way as the car jumps the curb and hits him. He goes flying and lands with a thud on the sidewalk.

Betty screams. She stands and rushes to Abby’s husband.

Abby’s hand reaches up and pulls her airbag out of her line of sight. She smiles.

Abby stops her car and jumps out. She yells accusations at her injured husband and friend that they saw the play together. Betty explains that they were here to get special passes and seats for Abby. They planned the surprise for her at her party last night.

Abby stands there, stunned.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Diane – The scene is coming along really well. You are good at finding emotional HOTSPOTS. A wife who finds out her husband is cheating. This is the kind of event that can resonate through many different characters’ lives. The wife. The kids. The husband. The girlfriend. I was the victim of a brutal divorce where dad was caught cheating. Fifty years later and I’m still getting over it. KEEP Going! Good stuff…