Lesson 22

[Rita Roberts]

RITA'S INTEREST SCENE
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
– Using the ITs does make it easy to outline a scene!
– I followed the outline for a while, then the scene took over.

Long post… I think this is what the assignment meant for completing the steps.

Logline: Angela pretends to be Pearl's best friend but she's really digging up dirt for Pearl's ex-husband because their son doesn't want to see him anymore.

New Logline: Pearl sets up Angela to ruin her marriage and keep custody of her son.

A.Suspense: Pearl reacts negatively to a text from Angela telling her, "We're coming to town. Let's talk."
D. More Interesting Setting: Pearl invites Angela to an ecstatic dance group to set her up to seem as though she believes they're still friends.
B. Major twist: Pearl meets Angela and turns the scheming around on her.
E.Misinterpretation: Angela's boyfriend thinks Pearl wants to date him so he comes onto her to make Angela jealous so she competes to get his attention before Bill arrives.
D.Anticipatory Dialogue: "No judgment here. Do whatever you want. Wouldn't it be nice if you could do that all the time, with whomever?"
C. Surprise: Pearl threatens to tell Angela's husband about the man she was with while he was out of town.
E. Mislead / Reveal: Bill greets the ex outside the church, carries a bible.
F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony: Angela's fling is already inside. She doesn't know Bill is coming so she gets friendly with her boyfriend. We know Bill is on his way.
G. Uncertainty – Hope / Fear: We hope Angela gets found out. We fear it will backfire on Pearl. We hope Bill is in on the setup of Pearl. We fear that he's an innocent bystander.
H. Intrigue: Angela has multiple facades but Pearl knows them and is ready to expose all of them.
D.Uncomfortable Moment: Bill arrives with the ex to see Angela dancing with her boyfriend.
I. Mystery: We don't know until the end why Pearl wants to expose Angela. We think Pearl is the bad one?
J. Cliffhanger: Now will Angela lose her sons to Bill?
K. Dilemma: Angela can say the real reason they came – to prove that Pearl is influencing her son away from his dad (which she isn't) but to do that exposes her own lies, which makes her less credible if she denies an affair.
L. Something unseen: The ex-husband, a devious bastard who lied to all of them started this whole thing for his own benefit, to get his son to live with him so he doesn't have to pay child support to Pearl.
1.CHARACTER
A. Character changes radically: Pearl goes from friendly, happy to see her old friend to being the person who could destroy her life.
C.Dilemma: Pearl can fess up to a fling with Bill, ruining his friendship with the ex but then also being the bad one, ruining her credibility in the situation and among her dance friends.
B.Betrayal: Bill turns on Pearl to support the ex.
2.DIALOGUE
A.Hook: Pearl greets Angela outside an old church – looks like a kindly, conservative reunion but inside are a bunch of hedonistic dancers and Angela's fling/Pearl's flirtation. Church turns to shit-show.
B.Predictions: Angela claims she'll get revenge on Pearl.
C.Creating a Future: Everybody is split from their comfortable charades but Pearl and her son are left in peace.

INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
Pearl (late 30s) brushes her teeth. She wears workout clothes, ready for a morning workout.

Her phone dings.

ON PHONE: ANGELA – We're in town! Let's get together.

PEARL
Goddammit. Fucking backstabbing hag.

She considers a reply with a grimace. Then a sly grin spreads. She thumbs away.

ON PHONE: Sure! Meet me at church in an hour.

Pearl slides a sundress over her clothes and grabs her bag.

EXT. CHURCH – MORNING
Angela taps Pearl on the shoulder. She's Pearl's age but a bit more frumpy, kindergarten teacher style.

Pearl's scowl turns to pretend happy. She hugs Angela.

ANGELA
It does my heart good to see you. I was a bad friend during the divorce but we can get past that, right?

PEARL
Too much shared history to erase since seventh grade. Let's go in, it's about to start.

ANGELA
Since when do you go to church?

Pearl climbs the stone stairs and peals off her dress as she enters the domed doorway.

Angela follows, watches her footing on the old, tall stairs. She misses the dress removal of her friend.

INT. CHURCH
Two dozen people mill about in the large, open fellowship room adjacent to the chapel. Tattoos, beads, piercings, less than modest everything.

Pearl greets and hugs a few people there.

Angela hangs back, unsure of what she's stepped into.

Music starts.

ANGELA
What is this?

PEARL
It's fun. Ecstatic Dance.

PEARL
Remember how we used to love to dance? Just go with it.

Angela smiles. Looks at her shapeless, married lady skirt and frowns.

ANGELA
I don't really fit in.

PEARL
Don't worry, no judgment here– Oh, hey, look who's here! Hi, Philip!

She hugs PHILIP but he has his eyes on Angela who suddenly looks around to see who else might surprise her.

PHILIP
Angela, it's good to see you again.

Pearl holds onto Phil's arm with both hands, leans on him, extra friendly.

Music volume increases. The group assembles and chats cease.

PEARL
You remember what a good dancer Philip is, I'm sure.

She pulls him to the middle of the room and beckons Angela to follow as everyone moves to the music.

Pearl's fit body moves in sensuous, fluid motion right in front of Phil.

Angela sort of bounces, awkward.

Phil can't help but watch Pearl as he dances.

Angela's female competition kicks in. She twirls with more flare.

Pearl wraps her arms around Phil's neck, runs her hands down his torso. She makes sure Angela sees it.

Angela's lips press together in a tight line. It's like junior high all over again.

She moves between Pearl and Philip.

Pearl glides out of the way so Angela can do her thing.

PEARL
Go for it girl. No marital handcuffs here. Bill and Rich can watch the kids for a change.

She does a zipped lip motion and dances closer to the door, leans to look outside. The sly smile returns.

Two men, BILL and RICH ascend the stairs – casual, middle-aged khakis. Bill carries a bible.

Angela practically grinds on Philip. Not exactly churchy behavior.

Pearl slides out of sight behind the coat rack to watch.

Phil's hands glide up and down Angela, land on her ass as she moves in to kiss his neck.

Rich's eyes go wide. He looks at his friend who slams the Bible down on the wood floor.

It echoes through the vaulted room. Everyone stops but the loud music continues.

Phil slinks backwards to hide amongst the dancers.

Pearl struts outside, victorious.

Angela points and yells over the music.

ANGELA
She did this!

EXT. CHURCH
Bill stomps down the stairs as Rich follows and Angela chases.

Pearl waits on the lawn, hands on hips.

Angela heads straight for her, not her husband. She rears back ready to slap Pearl.

Bill grabs her wrist.

BILL
Who did what, exactly?

ANGELA
She set me up!

PEARL
Oh, really? You go silent when I am at my darkest, because you side with the psycho…
(points to Rich)
Instead of your best friend. Why? Because I know you too well?

Rich plays meek, hurt, innocent.

RICH
She's clearly unstable. Tommy should live with me.

PEARL
Tommy already told you, he wants to live with me.

RICH
You're manipulating him against me.

PEARL
I just came here to dance and spend time with my old friend. She's the one who hooked up with hotty in there.

Angela shrinks a little. She touches Bill's arm.

ANGELA
We were just dancing.

Bill shrugs off her touch.

BILL
Looked like more to me. Why are we at a church anyway?

PEARL
Just dancing? Is that what you and Phil were doing at your wedding reception?

Rich suddenly gets interested in the flowers on a nearby bush.

BILL
Our wedding?

PEARL
And what about when Rich was soooo distraught about the divorce?

RICH
No! That wasn't– We didn't–

BILL
Really? My best friend?

ANGELA
She's lying. I just felt sorry for him, I mean I was trying to comfort– no, not like that!

PEARL
I thought you were my friend. Now I know to only trust your ulterior motive.

Bill nearly stumbles, sideswiped by this news.

RICH
Nothing happened. C'mon, Bill.

PEARL
Oh, yeah? Is that how you got her here to try and dig up dirt on me so you can take Tommy and get out of child support? Did you threaten to spill the beans, since I told you about Phil?

BILL
Jesus, is that why you insisted on coming back here? Or was it to see your old flame. Flames. Plural. My god.

He gets up in Rich's face.

RICH
Bill, she's making this up. This is what she does. She lies.

He turns to his wife.

BILL
Yes. She does.

She pushes away from Rich and Angela's grasp to head for the parking lot.

BILL
I'm taking the boys. You can catch a ride with one of your boyfriends to wherever you're going. And pick up your shit next week.

Pearl watches, arms crossed. Again, victorious.

ANGELA
Why would you do this to me?

PEARL
I'm sure Rich can explain. There's my ride. Hey, great seeing you. Just like old times.

A teenage boy gets out of a car, gives Pearl a genuine hug. Looks at Rich with no love at all.

He switches to the back seat as the woman driver waves, fake friendly at Rich and Angela before they drive off.

RICH
Shit. Her sister never did believe me.

ANGELA
What am I supposed to do now? Can I stay with you?

RICH
Go talk to your actual boyfriend. I have to figure out a new plan.

[Mary Albanese]

Assignment 22
What I learned: It's easier to stuff ITs in if you don't have to deal with character traits. That needs a separate pass I think.

Logline: A race car engineer is about to learn that karma really is a bitch.

ANNIE, a talented engineer, enters her office. She searches for her notes.

BRUCE enters, a grin on his face.

Bruce
Looking for something?

Annie
My notes.

Bruce
On how to build a faster car? A race car that is so fast that it achieves lift-off and flies? Don’t bother. You won’t find them. I saw them on your desk and took them.

Annie
You STOLE my plans?

Bruce
No, I just borrowed them. Here. You can have them back.

He hands her the plans.

Annie
So you removed them… to keep them safe for me?

Bruce
No, I took them to build the speed car. And I did. Over the weekend. A car so fast it will achieve lift-off.

Annie
What?

Bruce
It’s true. It’s all done. It just needs to be test-driven. I’ve scheduled the press to come tomorrow to see. It will be driven on the Salt Lake flats. It will be quite a spectacle. I’m sure it will amaze everyone.

Annie
Tomorrow? So soon? I don’t believe this!

Bruce
I know! It was quite a feat to get the press to come on such short notice.

Annie
That’s not what I meant. Bruce, this IS my design. I should be the one at the wheel. I should be the one to test drive it.

Bruce
That would be fair. You designed it, I built it. It would be fair for both of us to share in the glory.

Annie
Thank you. That’s only right.

Bruce
Yes, that would be right.

Annie
Whew! For a minute I though you were going to screw me.

Bruce
We SHOULD share the glory. But that’s not going to happen. I will be the one to test drive the car. You won’t be talking to the press at all.

Annie
What? But you just said…

Bruce
Look, You left your office door unlocked. Basically asking for someone to take your design. The boss has been saying one of us should get a promotion. I want it to be me.

Annie
Not if I tell her you stole my design.

Bruce
Annie, when we were going to school for our engineering degree, and we had one class left to go, the one with Dr. Smith, you never passed that class, did you?

Annie
You know I didn’t pass. He never passed any of the women in his classes unless they slept with him. And I didn’t. You know that.

Bruce
I would hate to tell our boss that you don’t actually have your degree. And I will have to, if you make a fuss about the car and complain to our boss about who designed it.

Annie
Are you threatening me?

Bruce
It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. Don’t complain, don’t tell that I ‘borrowed’ your design. Just let me impress the boss that this car is all mine, and I won’t tell the boss that you don’t actually have your degree.

Annie
Give up my rights to this car? This is an impossible choice.

Bruce
No, it’s very simple. Just come tomorrow to the launch and support me. The press will be there. Everyone will be there. Keep your mouth shut about who designed the car and it’s a win-win. I get the promotion, and you get to keep your job.

Annie
I can’t believe this.

Bruce
Believe it, babe. Come see this car fly. I know you don’t want to miss that.

Next Day…

The whole town turns out, standing on the Utah great salt flats, the press there, as Bruce squeezes into a car that looks as sleek as a rocket ship.

Annie stands next to the BOSS.

Boss
I knew Bruce was good at building, but I never expected him to design anything as sleek as that. Was he always a great designer in graduate school?

Annie
Well… let’s let the car speak for itself, shall we?

Bruce starts the car. Drives a circle around the people, slowly at first, so the press can take great pictures. Everybody smiling. Excited.

The boss notices something on the ground. A trail of black fluid where the car drove.

Boss
What’s that? Is the car leaking?

Annie
Hmmm. Yes, it looks like brake fluid.

Boss
How could that happen? A fault in the design?

Annie
Or a problem with the brake lines. They’re very fragile. They could have broken somehow.

Boss
Will that prevent the car from flying?

Annie
Oh, no. The brakes don’t affect its speed. They won’t impact the car’s ability to reach terminal velocity. It will still fly.

Boss
Thank goodness.

Annie
But if the brakes are not 100%, it could prevent the car from safely stopping.

Boss
Will that hurt the car?

Annie
No, the car was designed to fly. Unfortunately, humans are not.

Boss
So Bruce could be… oh dear.

The Boss waves at Bruce frantically.

Boss
Wait! We need to talk! The car, you need to exit!

Bruce sees her waving. Over the noise of the car he shouts back.

Bruce
YES, IT IS EXCITING, ISN’T IT? Okay, I’m about to hit the speed button and blast off!

Boss
No, no, no!

Bruce
Right! Go, go, go!

He hits the speed button. The car BLASTS off down the Utah Salt Flats.

The crowd watches, breathless, as the car goes fast. Faster. Faster than any car have ever gone. 210 mph. 220. 230! It goes so fast that it lifts off the ground and FLIES.

The crowd claps and cheers.

Annie backs up to a garbage can. Behind her back, she drops something into the trash. It’s a pair of wire cutters. Dripping with brake line grease.

The people are thrilled to see the car fly. The photographers get great shots.

But the car doesn’t stop. It goes so far that it blasts out of sight. Nobody can see it anymore.

Boss
What happened? He went so fast, I can’t see where he’s gone. Do you think he will be okay?

Annie
I wouldn’t worry. I think everything will be okay. I think it will all turn out exactly as it should be.

Annie waves at the direction of the exhaust trail.
And smiles.

• This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by  Mary Albanese. Reason: re-posted so that it gets the line spacing correct

[Jeremy Kirk]

Jeremy Interest Scene
Hal's Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is it wasn’t a bad thing to break down the script in that way. I do like these writing assignments the best.
LOGLINE: After being screwed over, Jake Klein returns to his boss, Greg Abbot to request a meeting about his review. But what is really happening behind the white flag being flown?

Interest technique ideas:

STRUCTURAL
A. Suspense.
Boss Greg Abbot is really sweating in his suit. Is the meeting with his employee, Jake, really that intense?
B. Major twist.
We will reveal that the boss is tied to a chair with phone cord and duct tape.
C. Surprise.
We learn that outside the door, more employees other than Jake want to take a swing at the boss. Armed with staplers, parts of rolling chairs and even the blade to a paper cutter.
D. Put in a More Interesting Setting
This could be set up in his home, or staged in the back of a bar.
E. Mislead / Reveal.
The set up is Jake going in to see his boss like it was another day at work – mislead. The reveal is his boss is already tied up.
F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony
Jake knows other employees are waiting just on the other side of the door ready to get revenge on their dick of a boss.
G. Uncertainty — hope / fear
After speaking to Jake they come to an understanding – hope for the boss, However, that quickly falls to fear as it is revealed others behind the door that want to do him harm.
H. Intrigue
Will Jake go through with the torture of his boss?
I. Mystery
The mystery is the why in this situation. What has boss Abott done to make Jake so angry?
J. Cliffhanger
The people shuffling into the room with office weapons and the door closing.
K. Dilemma
Boss Abott can be a better boss, but is it already too late.
L. Something unseen
Obviously, Jake knows others have issue with the Boss as well but never let it be known.
CHARACTER
A. Character changes radically.
Jake will come in to speak about his review as a normal employee would. As we discover the situation his boss is in, he will become more menacing.
B. Betrayal.
Jake betrayed his boss.
C. Dilemma
No matter how this turns out, Jake is probably going away for awhile.
D. Uncomfortable Moment
Jake questions the boss about an affair he had on a copier.
E. Misinterpretation
The boss is surprised at Jake’s anger. Jake is angered by his boss’s obliviousness to his feelings.
DIALOGUE
A. Hook
Once it is revealed that the boss is tied up, the hook is set.
B. Predictions
A line about how being a better manager, a more caring boss might serve you better down the road. A road that is shortly coming to an end.
C. Creating a Future
The boss being tied up creates the future of what is hiding behind the door.
D. Anticipatory Dialogue
Being nice to your employees is beneficial, let’s say in a fire, or an active shooter scenario, collapse of the building. Otherwise, your employees will look the other way and let you die.

Scene:

INT. BOSWICK BUSINESS – OFFICE – DAY.
JAKE KLEIN whistles a little tune as he pours himself a cup of steaming coffee.
He walks past other workers diligently typing away.
He enters.
INT. MANAGER GREG ABOTT’S OFFICE
Jake closes the door behind him and takes the seat in front of his boss.
GREG ABOTT sits behind a desk, a double monitor off to his side. His tie is loose, top two buttons undone and he sweats profusely from his bald head. Even his glasses have fogged up.
JAKE
So my mid-year review, give it to me straight boss. Am I getting a raise?
Greg smiles nervously as he swivels toward the monitors.
GREG
You received a points rating of one point two out of a total of five.
JAKE
Owch, that’s rough.
GREG
Your attendance is fine.
JAKE
Better than fine. I’ve never taken a sick day.
GREG
Uh…look at that, so you have.
JAKE
Isn’t that worth a point?
GREG
Do you want it to be?
JAKE
Do YOU think it’s worth a point?
Greg thinks on this hard, swallows with dry lips.
GREG
No. Attendance is something you should take pride within yourself.
JAKE
How are my performance metrics?
GREG
Adequate. (pause) I would like to see better numbers out of your department though.
JAKE
Of course. You always want a hundred and ten percent when the threshold is a hundred.
GREG
You can always do better.
JAKE
Can you though? (takes a sip of coffee) Am I at least meeting performance standards?
GREG
Barely.
JAKE
So, no point there as well?
GREG
Quarter point.
JAKE
Have I at least met my goals and expectations?
GREG
I will say I was pleasantly surprised by your handling of the MacNamara Report. (clears his dry throat) I thought you did a decent job.
JAKE
There’s that word. Decent. You’ve used words like adequate, fine or barely in my conversation with you. Am I to guess that’s where I fall in overall performance?
Greg shuffles uncomfortably in his chair.
GREG
It is. Just under good enough.
JAKE
Well, it seems odd that myself, Julie, Tanya, Dan, Paul, Michael, Christopher, and Dane would all get a 1.2 percent. The only person to get a full five percent is Gina.
Again Greg clears his throat.
GREG
Gina works very hard. She adds productivity to this group and completes tasks in a timely manner.
JAKE
Tasks, as in your dick?
GREG
Excuse me?
Jake unfolds the scanner copier picture and slides it across the desk.
JAKE
You left one in the scanner. It got jammed while I was printing out your TPS reports.
GREG
I…don’t know…what
JAKE
Shhhhh. Let me tell you like it is. You will give the entire department a five point raise and poor Gina a 1.2.
GREG
Or what? What are you going to do? You think HR will get rid of me or you? Whose the big fish and who’s the little fish?
JAKE
You are correct on that. That is why –
Jake gets up and walks around Greg’s desk. We can now see he is tied up with internet cords and duct tape.
JAKE
I have you in this vulnerable position.
GREG
You understand what happens if you hurt me?
JAKE
Yes, I get a big raise and an extra week of vacation. Now type a five instead of a 1.2.
Jake takes his steaming cup of coffee and begins to tilt it over Greg’s lap.
JAKE
Type it or get a burnt wiener.
Greg types it quickly.
JAKE
Ok, now were getting somewhere. You have a busy day Greg, you are totally booked up.
GREG
What are you talking about? You’re my only review?
Jake clicks a screen to show his schedule blocked out.
Jake heads to the door.
JAKE
Other employees want to discuss their performance review.
Jake opens the door and standing in a line on the other side is Julie, Tanya, Dan, Paul, Michael, Christopher and Dane. They’ve come armed with office supplies.
A stapler in one hand, a pot of hot coffee, a chain made of paper clips, a handful of tacks, a phone cord made into a garrote, part of a chair – now a club and finally the blade from a paper cutter.

• This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by  Jeremy Kirk.