Lesson 22

[Audrey Gomes]

LESSON 22 ANOTHER LOOK AT MAX INTEREST

Audrey

LOGLINE: It is 1850’s… White Men pelts Trappers visit a Native Settlement for guidance through the Mojave Desert. Only, it’s not what they’d hoped for.

What I learned is using the Max Interest Techniques in any scene, no matter how daunting a subject may be, can create, at the very least, a significant place in the writing process to begin rewrites.

A. HOOK

TRAPPER THREE , on horseback says right at the beginning of entering the Mojave settlement, “I feel like I’m bein’ led into a rattlesnake’s nest.”

PUT IN AN INTERSTING SETTING

Mojave Desert

B. SUSPENSE/UNCERTAINTY

We don’t know if Chief River Walk/Mojave Warriors are going to kill the Trappers.

C. SURPRISE

Natives are surprised to see White Men come to their settlement, while Chief River Walk and Warriors face them.

D. MISLEAD

Chief River Walk provides a Native guide to show the Trappers a shorter route to get to their destination… Colorado.

E. Chief River Walker tells the Trappers they will die if they attempt the route they plan. The weather will be too harsh with extreme heat and cold.

F. UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT (s)

Entering the settlement.

The Trapper tries to establish a connection with the Chief to gain safe passage through the desert. And when the Trappers realize they’re trapped in the Canyon.

G. PREDICTION

Chief River Walk tells the Trappers, “You will die.” But it’s in reference to the route the Trappers had chosen. But in the end…

H. BETRAYAL

Chief River Walk sends a Warrior Guide to lead the Trappers to the shorter route to Colorado. The Guide leads them into a Canyon where there’s no return. When the Trappers get to the

edge of the Canyon there’s a CLIFF 100 feet in the air, with death defying drop into a violent raging river.

I. WOUNDED

Native People plight. Chief River Walk harbors resentment.

J. CLIFFHANGER/DELIMMA

Do they jump? Can they survive? Can Horses survive the plunge into the rapids?

As the Trappers come to a grip with their reality, standing on the edge of a cliff, they look across the river, on the mountain sits Chief River Walk watching them. END OF INTEREST TECHNIQUES

NOW THE SCENE:

EXT. NEVADA MOJAVE DESERT INDIAN SETTLEMENT- DAY

It’s the 1850’s, MOJAVE INDIAN, settled along the short spans of the Mojave River. Huts on stilts. INDIAN WOMEN weaving baskets, some grinding maze, CHILDRED playing. INDIAN MEN fishing on the river. When…

WARRIOR ONE gallops into the settlement, SOUNDS a “WAR CRY” (warning cry).

EVERYONE stops…

Indian Women hurriedly gather Children, disappearing in their huts. Indian Men come up from the River. WARRIORS with SPEARS come.

THREE TRAPPERS on HORSEBACK, one HORSE carrying supplies trot in, stopping at the edge of the settlement.

TRAPPER THREE

(to Trapper Two)

Feels lik’ I’m bein’ led into a rattlesnake’s nest.

TRAPPER ONE dismounts. The other Trappers hang back.

CHIEF RIVER WALK (River Walk), exits a hut. He’s heavily tattooed, everywhere. Warriors slowly gather behind River Walk.

Trapper One’s eyes trained on River Walk, as he moves toward him.

TRAPPER ONE

Chief River Walk! We come in peace.

WARRIOR ONE

White man come, they bring no peace.

River Walk, throws up a hand… meaning SILENCE.

Trapper One motions COME to TRAPPER TWO, who dismounts. We can see Trapper Two drag pelts from the Horse carrying supplies.

TRAPPER ONE

(nervously)

Me and my men are headed to Colorado. Crossin’ the Mojave… We know dis’ here is Indian territory… We just wont’ permission to pass.

LONG PAUSE as River Walk says nothing.

TRAPPER ONE

We don’t wont’ no trouble.

River Walker peers at Trapper One.

TRAPPER Two approaches carrying beautiful skins, and drops them in front of River Walk, who’s weighing whether or not to trust Trapper One. River Walk does not move. Trapper Two scurries back to the other Trappers.

Long Pause as we see Indian Warriors flanking the Trappers at the edge of the settlement.

TRAPPER ONE

I know what’s happened here. The U.S. Government taking your land and all. We don’t wont’ no part of that.

Trapper One motions to Trapper Two. We can see Trapper Two unloading a small crate off the supply carrying horse. He approaches. Place the crate in front of River Walk. He crack opens the crate… They’re beautiful colored beads, trinkets.

River Walk motions to Warrior One who steps forward… he hands River Walk a knife. Trapper One squirms…

TRAPPER ONE

(Yuman, Mojave Language)

Pipa Aha Macav!

(translation)

People of the river.

(sincerely)

We not like them others. Like I said, we jest passin’ through.

A PAUSE

River Walk, approaches Trader One, and SQUATS. He waits. Trapper One, understands, and SQUATS too.

CHIEF RIVER WALK

You… travel… late.

Points to the sun…

CHIEF RIVER WALK

Shadows of the sun say snow will come early.

Warriors keep eyes peeled on the Trappers.

River Walk draws a circle in the dirt, and an X at the edge of the circle(indicating where they are). He hands the knife to the Trapper One, who’s reluctant to take it, but does.

Trapper One shows River Walk the path they’re taking. And draws at the outer edge of the circle… Then, points north.

CHIEF RIVER WALK

You will die!

(pointing)

Mojave… sun low here. Hot.

Night, cold. Snow will fall.

River Walk draws a straight diagonal line through the circle.

CHIEF RIVER WALK

This way you will go.

TRAPPER ONE

There’s a shorta’ route.

Trader One looks back at his men. Relieved.

River Walk stands…Speaks to Warrior One in Yuman,(Mojave language). Then, enters the hut.

Warrior One, full of resentment, snatches his knife.

EXT. VALLEY/CANYON – LATER

It’s searing heat. Warrior One, leading… Stops.

WARRIOR ONE

Here is the mouth of valley. The valley turns to canyons. It will narrow. Follow it to the end.

He turns his horse on a dime, galloping away.

EXT. VALLEY/CANYON – CONTINUOUS

Valley, sunless, cool. Sandstone Rock, deep orange, ridged formations, jut from the landscaped hundreds of feet above the Trappers heads.

TRAPPER ONE

Let’s keep movin’! Gotta get there before sundown

They start galloping through the valley, sharp curves, no visible horizon. And it begins to narrow.

TRAPPER THREE

We ain’t got no way of knowin’ if we goin’ right.

TRAPPER ONE

Shut up! Just keep goin’!

EXT. DEEP CANYON – HOURS LATER

The path steep decline turns treacherous when sharp, jagged sandstone, pierce the hooves of the Horses. Neighing. Snorting. Rearing.

The Trappers dismount, grabbing the HALTER. Leading skittish, Horses, reluctant to move forward…

TRAPPER TWO

(to the horse)

Steady girl… Steady!

(yells )

The horses can’t do this!

TRAPPER THREE

‘Dis don’t seem right! How the hell we gonna git out of here, if it ain’t right.

TRAPPER ONE

Shut the hell up!–

TRAPPER TWO

— But we can’t go back.

TRAPPER THREE

… You believed that Ingin’! He’d like nothin’ better than to see us all dead. He said, we’d die!

Trapper One draws his gun… CLICK, a bullet in the chamber…

TRAPPER ONE

If you don’t shut up… I’ll kill you myself!

As they hold on the tense moment, there’s a SOUND. They listen. Trapper One, follows the SOUNDS, coaxing his horse, continues moving forward.

SOUND grows LOUDER and LOUDER.

Then, the Trappers see LIGHT at the end of the Canyon. Finally, a moment of relief for them all.

Now, SOUND is deafening.

Trapper One, reaching the end of the Canyon, steps into the light. Relief plays on his whole body until he realizes… It’s a CLIFF. He looks down… it’s a 100 foot drop to death defying rapids below. He’s stunned (no way back).

The other Trappers come to the ledge. They look across the river at the Mountain facing them.

Chief River Walk, on a horse, stares back. He turns his Horse and disappears.

[hilton Garrett]

ANOTHER LOOK AT MAX INTEREST

What I learned: Once again – for me – this was a difficult assignment. So I learned that I can take a situation from nothing but a challenging concept and develop it into a viable scene that meets many of the parameters. I also learned that I can write a scene between two characters neither of which I like. In doing that I was able to look into each character and find something of the makeup and motivation of each, and then write that. So once again, as in previous difficult assignments, this difficult assignment forced me to expand my ability to conceive of and write a challenging scene.

LOGLINE: Two scorpions in a jar

INTEREST TECHNIQUES:

Suspense – Bubba and Ollie wait past the appointed time, and don’t know when Alphonse will get there. Or if he’s coming.

Major Twist – 1. Bubba makes a deal with the Garcia boys. 2. Alphonse makes a deal with The Shark.

Surprise – Bubba’s deal with the Garcia brothers which he springs on Alphonse

Mislead/Reveal – Alphonse makes a deal with The Shark.

Superior Position/Dramatic Irony – Each man thinks he has the superior position and plays his hand accordingly.

Uncertainty, Hope/Fear – Bubba now knows his life is under threat.

Intrigue – Each man schemes against the other.

Mystery – Why did Bubba’s men steal Alphonse’s part of the shipment?

Cliffhanger – The pending meeting between Bubba and The Shark.

Dilemma – The deal Alphonse offers Bubba.

——–Begin Scene——

INT. SEEDY BAR, BACKROOM – DAY

Bubba Dupree, boss of a small-time criminal enterprise sits at a table with his number two man, Ollie, and eats from a plate of grilled steak and french fries. He takes a bite, wipes his mouth and looks at his watch. Ollie’s feeling it too.

OLLIE

How long we waitin’, Boss?

BUBBA

I don’t know, Ollie, maybe till I finish eating. That alright with you?

OLLIE

Sure, I got no place to go.

BUBBA

So what did you ask for?

OLLIE

I just don’t trust that motherfucker.

BUBBA

What’s he gonna do?

OLLIE

I don’t know, but he knows what we did to him. He don’t know why exactly, but, I mean he knows it was us. Wasn’t some homeless dude that just stumbled up on the shit.

BUBBA

Yeah, so what?

OLLIE

I don’t trust him, that’s all. He’s fucking crazy.

BUBBA

Well, I got a little surprise for him.

OLLIE

What’s that?

BUBBA

You’ll see, the sumbitch ever gets here.

OLLIE

He’s coming to make the peace. You gonna fuck with him?

BUBBA

He’s a dick.

OLLIE

The dick’s the one usually doin’ the fuckin’, ain’t it Boss?

BUBBA

You got such a nice way of puttin’ things, Ollie.

A knock comes at the door.

BUBBA

Let him in.

Ollie opens the door and lets Alphonse in. Alphonse is a well-dressed and vile man. He takes a seat.

BUBBA

Your watch broke?

ALPHONSE

What’s the rush? You’re not even finished your meal.

BUBBA

No rush, you just said eight PM, and now it’s 8:30. So I get a little confused.

ALPHONSE

Well, eat your supper. I’ll just sit here and wait for you.

BUBBA

We don’t have to wait. I can eat and talk at the same time.

ALPHONSE

You know why I’m here?

BUBBA

Why don’t you tell me.

ALPHONSE

Your boys lifted four bricks out of my piece of the last shipment.

BUBBA

Yeah?

ALPHONSE

Yeah. That causes me to feel bad towards you.

BUBBA

And what you gonna do?

ALPHONSE

I could make a fuss, but I like the peace.

BUBBA

See, Ollie, Alphonse is a peace-loving man. Just like I said.

OLLIE

Okay, boss.

BUBBA

I hate you feel bad about me, Alphonse. You know how much I want to be loved and admired.

ALPHONSE

Yeah, you’re lovable.

BUBBA

You’re gonna love this. I made a deal with the Garcia brothers. So all the shipments coming through are mine now. You get nothing.

ALPHONSE

That’s too bad, Bubba. I was hoping for more from you.

BUBBA

Hope in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up first.

ALPHONSE

You’re a prince of a fuckhead Bubba. But tell me this, who do the Garcia boys fear more than death?

BUBBA

I don’t know, Al, why don’t you tell me.

ALPHONSE

I’ll tell you, Bubba, in case you been asleep under that rock. You know The Shark? You’ve heard of him, right?

BUBBA

Yeah, what about it?

ALPHONSE

I made a deal with him. Do you know what that means for you?

BUBBA

No, I don’t. Once again, Alphonse, why don’t you tell me?

ALPHONSE

Well, you should know, because my new partners think you’re sort of unnecessary. Like maybe you’re sucking up too much air.

Bubba says nothing. Stares at Alphonse.

ALPHONSE

But I got some good news for you, Bubba. I talked The Shark into making you a deal.

BUBBA

The Shark wants to make me a deal?

ALPHONSE

You got a choice. Cut us in at forty percent or go out of business.

BUBBA

That ain’t much of a choice, is it?

ALPHONSE

Kinda like the horns of a dilemma, ain’t it?… Which apple’s got the poison in it?

BUBBA

Both of them…. I’ll tell you now, I’ll take the deal, but twenty percent. And I want to meet with The Shark. You think you can set that up?

ALPHONSE

He already thinks you should go away. You sure you want to sit down?

BUBBA

Set it up.

———End Scene——-

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  hilton Garrett.

[Bill]

Bill Southwell Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is the interest model of Suspense, Twist, Surprise is very effective in maintaining interest in a scene.

Logline: On a summer day 3 boys, Willard, Gilbert, and Bill decide to look for a lost gold mine in the Black Hills of South Dakota. They come across an old mine entrance.

Willard

Look at this!

Gilbert

Those old timbers don’t look too sturdy.

The boys decide to go in using Willard’s iPhone light.

Bill

What if the shaft collapses and we can’t get out? [SUSPENSE]

Willard

If it hasn’t fallen in for over a hundred years, it won’t do so today.

Gilbert tries to shake one of the pillars of the shaft and finds it unsteady.

Gilbert

We better not go any further.

Willard

It’s OK. We won’t stay long.

Cautiously the 3 boys continue into the old mine going deeper for about half an hour.

Bill

Stop for a minute. Do you hear that?

They all stop and listen.

Gilbert

It’s a low frequency rumble. We better go back.

Willard

I hear a hum. It sounds like a motor.

Then ahead they see a recently constructed vertical shaft.

Willard

Look at this! This looks like an elevator shaft. You can hear it.

They walk around to the other side and see that it is a modern elevator.

[TWIST]

They find a small round window where they can look down into it. They see a large room with several people in white coats working with lab benches and big machines

Bill

This must be some top-secret research going on.

An armed guard hears them talking and rushes to a set of stairs.

The boys panic and hasten to retrace their path through the old mine shaft.

They fumble around not sure how to get back when this armed guard overtakes them.

Guard

Looking for a way out are you? Come with me

Gilbert

Yes sir. We don’t mean any hard. We didn’t see anything.

Guard

No problem. Come I will show you what they are doing.

(to Willard) are these the guys you were telling me about?

Willard

Yeh. [SURPRISE]

They walk into the big lab region.

Guard (cont)

This is a scientific experiment to detect neutrinos. They have to go underground to filter out the cosmic radiation. These people are scientists from Columbia University.

END of SCENE

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Another Look at Max Interest

What I learned doing this assignment is that starting with the interest techniques improves and up levels the scene. Building the scene this way allows for quickly getting to the scene’s essence, saving a great deal of time with rewrites.

LOGLINE: After creating a truce with Cindy, Moses, with confidence, challenges the company’s core business ethics.

STRUCTURAL

A. Suspense.

Moses and Cindy (Chair Person) are Swinging partners. William, the Company’s Vice President, Cindy’s husband, is suspicious.

B. Major twist.

After Truce- Cindy agrees Moses can have the floor. Moses offers a different proposal he hasn’t told her, though he risks losing his job. Moses, in the past, has always succumbed; this time, he stands tall.

C. Surprise.

Cindy softens and has him speak- gives him the floor

D. Put in a More Interesting Setting

Water Corporation Boardroom setting

E. Mislead / Reveal.

Moses pretends he’s toeing Cindy’s line, though he has fallen for Mollie and has a change of heart.

F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony

We know Moses and Mollie are in cahoots. Moses is turning the tables on Cindy and has prepared a different proposal.

G. Uncertainty — hope / fear

Moses is working for the common good/ fear Cindy, betrayed going off the rails

H. Intrigue

Moses/Cindy sexual interlude/William suspicious of Cindy’s duplicity shown to William-two faced

I. Mystery

What’s Moses up to? Where is his loyalty? How will the board receive his proposal?

J. Cliffhanger

Moses plays his last card, and Mollie shows up at the board meeting with Grandmother Sasa.

K. Dilemma

Moses taking a risk. Cindy may lose her husband-

L. Something unseen

Grandmother Sasa shows up at the scene.

SCENE: INT. WATER CORPORATION BOARDROOM – DAY

Cindy, a petite woman (38), is the former owner’s sister of the Water Company and Executive Director. Married to William (60), the President of the board of the water company’s board of directors, she’s dressed in a black suit, red turtleneck, and black pumps.

Moses (40), wearing sunglasses, has longish wiry unbrushed loose hair and is dressed in plaid flannel and jeans.

Entering the Water Corp lobby, Cindy spies William and Moses in the hallway.

CINDY

(Sweetly sarcastic to MOSES)

We can always count on you to dress for the occasion.

CINDY brushes between William and Moses to pour her coffee before entering the boardroom. William looks at his watch and leaves to go into the boardroom.

MOSES

Light/Seductive-Flippant

Hey babe- Why the serious face?

We still have a few minutes we need to talk.

CINDY

(whispering)

Whose side are you on? It’s time to cut her loose; you’re getting too close. I thought I knew you…

MOSES

(Schmoozing Nancy)

You’re so much more beautiful when not in fight mode. It’s time for a truce.

Trust me. You, I know I love you.

CINDY

(melts)

Moses-I really want to trust you.

MOSES

(looks around the room-kisses her cheek )

Ok, show me by giving me 15 minutes of the floor.

CINDY

Ok- you’ve got 10.

Moses and Cindy get called in. At the conference, everyone has a bottle of spring water. William’s eyes are glued to CINDY and MOSES as they are the last to enter. CINDY, the center of attention, deliberately stays standing.

WILLIAM

Nance, take your seat, please.

CINDY

(Smiling sarcastically)

Whatever you say…darling.

WILLIAM

The meeting is in session. Cindy will now take the floor.

CINDY

I’m adding an item to the agenda. MOSES has something he wants to share, a proposal for improving our community relations.

MOSES

We all know the wells are going dry, and people are getting desperate. We must show our integrity and uphold our family legacy and goodwill with the community. We have been true to this since the original people were on this land.

CINDY

(Breaks in)

What…that’s not.

The company has been loose with the rules way before our time. Whose side are you on? What are you getting at? (Blurts out) You told me I could trust you!

WILLIAM

What’s going on here?

Cindy, you know our protocol about interrupting a speaker.

YOU gave him the floor.

MOSES

Look here; the proposal is simple. It’s time we invite our indigenous relations to be included in our water discussions. First, we can create goodwill and benefit the community by taking down the old dam and restoring the river so the salmon can run.

CINDY

This is preposterous, MOSES-our founders are going to roll over in their graves!

Chaos erupts, and all members are in an uproar.

CINDY CON’T

(Turning to William) Do something. (Turning to the board members) Speaking of the river, if we don’t hold to our bottom line, our profits are going to pour into the sea.

WILLIAM

Nancy-enough. I don’t know what’s going on here.

MOSES, five more minutes-go on…

CINDY CONT

(Stands up)

We have more pressing things than this!

The boardroom is bubbling with noise William slams his gavel on the table-

WILLIAM

Let’s have some order here.

MOSES bring it to a close.

There’s a knock at the door-Moses goes to open it, as Mollie enters.

MOSES

We have something to show you at the source house. It’s important for all of you to see this.

CINDY

What’s she doing here? You gave her the cease and desist, right?

Your family ties will not get you out of this one. There have already been too many missed opportunities. Your job is already wobbly.

MOSES

(Stands up-pushes his chair back into the table)

Unlike you, I value and cherish the water. We are a Water Company after all.

WILLIAM

Let’s get on with this. Maybe, a walk in the spring could do us all good.

MOSES gets up to leave, brushes his hair back, and puts his sunglasses on as the board members follow.

Hundreds of painted water activists rush forward at the door, wildly singing Nebi Wabo- an Algonquin song to the Water. In full ceremonial regalia, Abenaki Grandmother Sasa, Waterkeeper of the Eastern gate, stands before the crowd, ready to lead the way to the Source Spring.