Screenwriting Mastery › Forums › The 30 Day Screenplay › 30 Day Screenplay 13 › Lesson 23
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Lesson 23
Posted by cheryl croasmun on April 14, 2023 at 6:37 pmReply to post your assignment.
Margaret replied 2 years, 1 month ago 3 Members · 2 Replies -
2 Replies
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<div>Laurie- ACT 4, Final scenes. I learned that as I wrapped it up, it was harder to ignore the quality. So I jotted down notes for myself of what I want to go back and fix. That freed me up to finish! Ta Da!</div>
INT. JOE’S HOUSE, 2010, THREE DAYS LATER
It’s a low key memorial at the same cabin. The cabin is neat, but more spare and slightly shabby. A large picture of a younger Joe in his ski patrol jacket is on a table, along with other pictures. Flowers are here and there and people are milling around. 60’s/70’s music is playing in the background.
Hunter and Mary Lou are sitting on the couch, looking at a photo album. A pregnant, angry Erin is on one side in a chair, a white faced Annie on the other side.
HUNTER
I’ve missed this old cabin.
MARY-LOU
(To Hunter)
When are you going back?
HUNTER
I don’t have a ticket yet. I’m going to go with Dad’s guys and put his ashes up on the mountain on Tuesday.
ANNIE
If you want, I could stay. I could do that with you.
ERIN
Oh, no. You don’t get to play the grieving widow.
ERIN
Well she doesn’t! He only started smoking after she left!
Annie looks like she has been struck. Erin tries to quickly get up from the couch but can’t and sinks back, crying.
ERIN
(quieter)
And If I had moved back here after college, if I had seen him more…I could have…
Mary Lou quickly goes over to her and kneels down.
MARY LOU
Oh honey. [placeholder dialogue]
Erin’s husband comes over, concerned, and they both help her up and take her to a back room.
ANNIE
Maybe I should go.
She stands up, then sits back down, trying hard not to cry.
ANNIE
I came with Mary Lou.
Hunter moves closer to Annie and sighs heavily.
HUNTER
Mom. I started going through Dad’s stuff. I found all your letters to him, the ones from the last ten years.
Annie gasps.
HUNTER
Obviously he had been writing to you as well. Obviously he never stopped waiting for you.
Hunter awkwardly takes her hand and looks her in the eye.
HUNTER
Clearly you both still loved each other. I am sorry. For your loss.
He hugs her as Annie blinks back tears.
HUNTER
I’m not going to tell Erin. It’s, it’s complicated enough with you two.
(beat)
Does Sean know?
INT. LUDLOW HIGH SCHOOL GYM, 2013, EVENING
Once again the gym is decorated for the annual fund raiser with students serving dinner. The well worn banner has replaced just the years so it now says 2013 Ludlow HS Fundraiser.
Sean and Annie are sitting at a table near the front with a sign that says ‘Sponsored by Annie’s Humble Pie Bakery’. This time it’s Maggie, now 16, on stage.
Maggie, with guitar, is just wrapping up a great, rocking upbeat tune.
MAGGIE
I’m going to leave you with one more favorite tune. This one is for my Mom- she used to sing it to me when I was little.
Maggie strums the guitar.
MAGGIE
Who knows how long I’ve loved you
Do you know I love you still?
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will…
Sean is enthralled with Maggie, Annie has a proud smile and a tears in her eyes.
INT. LUDLOW HIGH SCHOOL GYM, 2013, EVENING, LATER
Sean and Annie are still at the table, another singer/band is on the stage. Maggie hands her guitar case to Sean.
MAGGIE
Dad can you take this home for me? I’m going to go help clean up and hang out a bit. I have a ride home.
SEAN
(teasing)
Ah. With what’s his name, Freddie?
MAGGIE
Daadd. You know very well his name is Dylan.
She kisses them both on the cheek.
ANNIE
Have fun! You were great tonight!
MAGGIE
Awe Mom, you always say that. I nominate you the head of my fan club.
Annie smiles wistfully as she watches her go. There’s an awkward silence at the table.
ANNIE
Well. Here we are again.
SEAN
Yeah. Annie. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. And I’ve talked to someone. A lawyer. This… this,..us, isn’t working anymore. It hasn’t for awhile.
He’s gentle with her.
SEAN
You’re not happy. Every time I look at you, it’s like you’re lost in your head. In a memory. Not with me. So that makes me unhappy. And life is just too short.
Annie blinks and looks at him.
ANNIE
You’re right. Life is just..
Silence.
SEAN
See what I mean. You’re not even going to fight for us are you?
ANNIE
Oh Sean. I do love you…you’re a good man, a great guy.. I don’t deserve you and.. I, I shouldn’t tie you down to this, this life.
INT. ANNIE’S HOME, KITCHEN 2018, DAY
It’s the same home as the opening scene. But there is no music room, no spider plant. Annie is standing in the kitchen, holding an iPad on a video call with Mary Lou.
MARY LOU
Did you hear from Hunter yet?
ANNIE
A text, he said he’ll call later. Erin sent a card, but she only signed the kids names.
MARY LOU
Don’t give up on her.
ANNIE
Never. I had this whole other life with her I can’t forget. All the way up to this very day. She was very different. I miss that Erin.
MARY LOU
You still going skiing with Maggie?
ANNIE
Yes, I’m looking forward to it.
MARY LOU
Be careful!
ANNIE
I will. Oh, she’s here, thanks for calling, I will talk to you later!
MARY LOU
Happy, Happy Birthday Annie.
EXT. VERMONT SKI AREA 2018-DAY, LATER
Once again Annie is skiing on her 60th birthday, this time only with Maggie. They are stopped at the same place as in earlier memories, part way down the slope.
MAGGIE
That was great if you stayed in the middle. It’s a little icy on the sides. Do you want try Easy Street next?
Annie looks down at the Easy Street sign. She smiles.
ANNIE
Sure! Catch me if you can!
She takes off quickly, skiing smoothly but a little too fast. Maggie trails after her.
Annie skies faster.
MAGGIE
Mom! Don’t forget about me!
Annie deliberately heads over to the icy side of the slope, dangerously close to the trees.
SCREEN GOES TO BLACK.
EXT. SKI AREA, 2018, MOMENTS LATER
Annie, still 60, is on her back near a tree, half-covered in snow.
A pair of skis comes in to view.
WOMAN’S VOICE
Mom! Mom are you ok?
Annie blinks up into the sun. A figure leans over her, then comes into focus. It’s Erin.
ANNIE
Erin! What? How..how did you get here?
ERIN
(real concern)
Hunter and I took Double D over to Broomstick and came down that way and saw you here sprawled out.
ANNIE
(amazed)
Hunter’s here too?
ERIN
Yah! Remember we split up at the top? You didn’t want to go down the black diamond. Here he is.
Hunter skis up, concerned. He pops out of his skis and helps her as she starts to sit up. He has a ski patrol jacket on.
HUNTER
Mom, what happened? Take it easy. Don’t try to stand yet. Can you move all your limbs? I can call for a sled.
Annie is seated now. She is dazed and looks at each in wonder, with real love and concern on their faces.
ANNIE
Where’s … where’s Maggie?
HUNTER
(to Erin)
I think she hit her head.
ERIN
Whose Maggie?
Annie looks beyond them down the slope and realizes it is not Vermont, but California, she catches her breath.
ANNIE
Oh my god.
Another ski patrolman skis up, pops out of his skis and kneels next to Annie, helmet on.
SKI PATROLMAN
What happened?
He takes off his helmet. Annie turns to him. It’s Joe.
JOE-35
You ok birthday girl?
THE END
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Margaret’s ACT 4 Final Scenes
What I learned: Finishing up last scenes I find I am short. Only 72 pages. I’ll need to add scenes somewhere…
EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – MEETING PLACE – EVENING – SAME
Jabe stands at the entrance of the Meeting Place. He is too late. Dead bodies are everywhere.
He turns a stern face away, heads back to the ramp.
EXT. RAMP – EVENING – SAME
Jabe jumps over the fortress wall, onto the ramp just as a livid Armann approaches with the Hedeon Crowd.
ARMANN
You! You!
Jabe shrugs. Smiles.
JABE
Couldn’t make this easy for you.
Jabe pulls his gun, slams a fist down on it. It doesn’t fire.
Armann smirks. Takes out his own gun, hands it to a Hedeon Man.
ARMANN
Your size is impressive, but you are not a fighter. Your muscles are flabby, weak.
Jabe poises to fight.
JABE
Yeah, well I can take you!
ARMANN
And then what? The whole Hedeon army?
JABE
If I have to.
Armann laughs.
ARMANN
See, you are like me! I will never give up, Jabe. Never. I WILL kill all the Donek, never allow them to live in peace with the Donek.
JABE
Well, then, it’s just you I have to kill to win, then.
Armann is shorter, but muscular. He motions Jabe forward.
ARMANN
You will see why they follow me. I can overpower any man.
Jabe signals for Armann to come forward, then does the unexpected.
Jabe runs towards Armann, dives to catch both his legs, catapulting both of them over the side of the ramp, into the air, to the long drop which will mean both their deaths.
EXT. WHITTIER – STREET – SAME
The cloudy sky is familiar. The same dark black cloud is positioned above the city. It quickly moves off scene.
The street is full of dirt and rubble. A long crevasse ends right before the destroyed Pet Store.
A hand reaches up from the crevasse, another hands grabs it.
A familiar voice speaks.
IMARA (O.S.)
Come on, pull yourself up. I’ll help you.
Jabe emerges from the dirt and rubble.
He rubs his eyes, sees Imara, her aura shining white against the darkness of the scene.
He looks around. The quake has destroyed the city. People are everywhere, their auras visible.
A man with a red aura beats his fist against a wall.
A GANG with green auras loots the open stores.
Several FAMILIES are gathered together, crying, yellow auras.
Many purple wander the street, without aim.
Jabe wipes his face, rubs his eyes. The auras are gone.
All he sees now is his community. A community needing him.
JABE
(to Imara)
Come on. Let’s help them.
FADE OUT.
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