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Lesson 24
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LESSON TWENTY FOUR
Kevin’s Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned from this assignment is there are a lot of scenes that can make the story richer, and fill in the depth of the story.
I added Ali going to the Opera to set up the climax, Bruce and Ali talking about the benefit to establish the ultra rich will all be in one place at one time, Bruce re-appearing to the world after a decade long absence to set up that Wayne isn’t dead as speculated, Speculation at the Opera that Wayne is dead to give him a reason to show up in public again, The new commissioner deciding to call in Gordon to convince Batman to work together with the police, Joker’s men cornering Robin and trying to electrocute him and failing to set up the harpoon in the chest, and there are probably more once I have these filled in. The story is becoming more complex and interesting.
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Rita’s Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned: I had most of the scenes there, very little to fill in but several scenes were rearranged to improve continuity. Page count stayed at 92. With a full read through, the climax feels more satisfying than it did right after I wrote it.
Most of what I did on this pass was to add pieces early which would payoff later.
Feels good to have the first draft done!
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Megan Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is…that I’m much slower at revising than writing. During the first draft, I kept a running list of things I needed to add or change to keep from stopping myself during the drafting process. Now that I’ve been revising, I’m still only about halfway through my first read and revise list.
So far I’ve added two new scenes: one to show more of the antagonist’s backstory and one to further develop the protagonist’s relationship with her husband (which may or may not be essential).
I still feel like there’s a gap in Act 3, but I haven’t figured out yet how to fill it.
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Lonnie’s filling in missing scenes
What I learned from this assignment: To put placeholders in place for further development, and to do “light” editing. Not the final product for sure!
EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY
SCREAMS FROM STUDENTS
Hundreds run away, seeking shelter inside.
Near Blanket Hill, about 50?? unarmed, angry and terrified STUDENTS organize, ready to charge the Guard.
STUDENT #1
For God’s sake their killing us!
STUDENT #2
Let’s rush those fuckers! They’re killing our friends!
STUDENT #1
I don’t care if I’m shot. T
PROFESSOR GLEN FRANK (55), grey hair, glasses shows up. He’s an emotional wreck. Begs students to back off.
PROFESSOR FRANK
I beg you please! Stop! They will shoot! There will be more bloodshed! I beg you! Give me just a moment. I will talk with them.
Professor Frank rushes back toward the Guard.
STUDENT #2
I’m pissed…so pissed. But, wait, let’s see what that prof can do…cause I don’t care if I die, but they’ll kill us all if we charge.
He puts his hands up toward the students.
STUDENT #2
Let’s wait…no more death.
In the parking lot, EMT’s still attending to several students.
SIRENS roar as the last of the 13 are rushed off campus in ambulances.
On Blanket Hill many of the Guardsmen still have their guns pointed toward the students, while GENERAL CANTERBURY and other commanders stop them from shooting.
GENERAL CANTERBURY
No more shooting, put your rifles down.
Glen Frank rushes to the General.
PROFESSOR FRANK
Please, please! No more shooting. I talked with the kids. They are holding back.
GENERAL CANTERBURY
Good, cause we’re still ready if they charge.
PROFESSOR FRANK
For God’s sake, no more shooting! Please, I beg you.
GENERAL CANTERBURY
You tell those punks to stay right where they are.
PROFESSOR FRANK
I will General, I will. Please hold back your men.
Nearly all the students who had gathered slowly disperse.
Placeholder: President of KSU Robert White shuts down campus.
Placeholder: KSU police discover suspicious man, TERRY NORMAN, and confiscate his hand gun…fired 4 times.
Placeholder: his name: Terry Norman… was on the local Akron news that night confessing he shot 4 shots: “they would have killed me!”
EXT. BUSY STREET – KENT, OHIO – EXT. – DAY
Karen and Chuck stuck in traffic….all Roads packed leaving Kent. All phone lines jammed.
SUPER: (VARIOUS) NEWSPAPER HEADLINES: 4 STUDENTS SHOT AT KENT STATE UNIVERSITY….”4 DEAD IN OHIO”
EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – DAY
A black, four-door Sedan pulls up to a row of 2-story homes and apartments.
TWO MEN in coat and tie get out, fast-walk to front door and KNOCk.
The suspicious man from the previous scenes arrives at door.
MAN IN TIE
It’s time. We need to get you out of here.
SUSPICIOUS MAN
Let me grab my stuff.
Two men on porch wait impatiently.
Suspicious man walks out, and gets rushed to the car, where the MALE DRIVER (40ish), “FBI” on his shirt, has stepped outside the car to have a smoke.
They all jump into the car. It races away.
Placeholder: Students on many, many campuses across the country protest the war in Vietnam.
INT. SUBURBAN HOME – AKRON, OHIO – LATE NIGHT
Chuck and Jeffrey, both exhausted, sit on a sofa, sip coffee.
Chuck’s eyes are red from crying.
JEFFREY
You gonna be okay?
Chuck gets up slowly. Shakes head.
CHUCK
I guess time is my friend.
JEFFREY
Get some rest, man.
CHUCK
That campus will never be the same… I’ll never be the same.
JEFFREY
I’m a mess, and I wasn’t even there. I’m pissed.
They both stare at the wall. Chuck gets up.
CHUCK
See ya in the morning.
He goes to bed. Jeffrey lingers, then lies down on the sofa, face up. He cradles his head in his hands. Eyes wide open.
FLASHBACK:
EXT. CEMETERY – RURAL INDIANA – DAY
SUMMER BREEZE bends the eloquently tall maple trees. Over a hundred people stand over at a grave site where a casket, draped with the American flag, sits silently.
MARY SHELTON (45), red-eyed and weary, stands between her two sons, all with arms interlocked with each other. Jeffrey scruffy dark hair, athletic, and, brother DAVID (18) dishwater blond, shorter, scruffy beard, hangs on their mother.
Summer heat is sweltering.
LAST FEW GUNSHOTS FROM A 21-GUN SALUTE ECHO through the rural valley.
The American flag, neatly covering the casket, is diligently folded by members of all the armed services into a triangle then handed to Mary.
GUN SHOTS END. TAPS BEGIN.
The casket starts its slow descent into the dark crevice below. All present walk silently to their cars. Brief flashes of lightning, and DISTANT THUNDER now echo through the area.
LATER…
INT. BATHROOM – SHELTON’S MIDDLE CLASS HOME – DAY
Bathroom is steamed up. Young man’s SOBS come from behind shower curtain.
Jeffrey is hunched over in shower sobbing. Face in hands. Mumbles…
JEFFREY
What kind of God would give you a dad, then take him away? You piece of shit!
The bathroom mirror drips with sweat.
JEFFREY
(screams)
What the hell is death? Why is there death for God-fucking sakes?
END FLASHBACK
Jeffrey, remains wide-eyed as he rolls over, processing his past.
SUPER: July 1970
Placeholder: Parents of murdered students file lawsuit against the National Guard and Governor Rhodes of Ohio.
SUPER: June 1971:
Placeholder: Dan Ellsberg delivered the “Pentagon Papers” to the New York Times. This was the beginning of the end of the war.
INTERVIEW OF ELLSBERG.. ‘WOULDN’T YOU RISK YOUR LIFE TO END AN ILLEGAL WAR?”
SUPER: MAY 5TH 1975
INT. COURTROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY
Plaintiffs, the parents vs defendants, NATIONAL GUARDS MEN WHO FIRED SHOTS, and Governor James Rhodes. They all confront each other in court, headed by Judge Young.
Judge did not allow pictures showing distance from the Guard to the fallen victims.
One guard admitted shooting one student. Stated “thought his life was in danger”.
SUPER: JANUARY 1979
Placeholder: Parents of four slain students received $15,000. Dean Kahler…..(show Amounts for all 13 students/parents)
INT. JEFF’S COLLEGE RENTAL – MUNCIE, IN – 1970 – NIGHT
Jeff is in his party house, BSU campus, 1970. A few students walking around with beer in hand. Jeff hears someone on the drums and it’s Jeff Miller (one of the killed students) playing his drums.
As he walks toward the drums, Allison Krause steps in the dining room. Jeff stops and stares.
JEFFREY
Are you…..
ALLISON
Yes, Jeff, I’m Allison.
Jeff looks at her, then Jeff Miller, then Bill Shroeder steps up from the back. Jeff turns and stares.
Sandy Scheuer walks up.
SANDY
Hi Jeff.
She kisses him on the cheek, as Jeff Miller gets up from the drums and walks over to the four of them. The slain students surround Jeff as he turns and looks at them in dismay.
EXT. HEAVILY WOODED AREA – DAY
Suddenly the five of them are standing in an opening, surrounded by lush flowers and trees.
JEFFREY
What’s going on? Where are we?
SANDY
We picked a place that would be peaceful for us talk with you.
Jeff, still dismayed, looks around as the four students smile at each other. Their figures are scintillating, very “ethereal”.
SANDY
Thanks for telling our story, Jeffrey. It was our wish.
The four nod, smiling.
SANDY
You have revealed a lot of valuable information.
BILL
You are very brave, Jeffrey.
They nod. The four form a circle around Jeff, then hold hands.
SANDY
But now it’s time to let go..and complete the healing for so many.
ALLISON
It was a challenging time, we know that. But it’s over now, my friend.
JEFF MILLER
We’re good here, we’ve been good all along. We don’t want anymore suffering…it’s all in the past.
Jeffrey begins to smile as he turns and looks at all of them.
Allison, Bill, Sandy, and Jeff Miller all begin to walk away in four different directions in the forest. They evaporate into the woods.
Jeff sits on a fallen log. A beautiful mountain bluebird lands at his feet, he then hears footsteps behind him.
It’s his FATHER, now appearing as a 25-year old.
JEFFREY
Dad? Dad…is that you?
Jeffrey jumps up and hugs his dad. They embrace briefly.
JEFFREY
I have so many things to tell you, Dad……I–
JEFFREY’S DAD
I know, Jeff, I know. Let’s sit down over here for a moment.
Jeff’s dad faces him.
JEFFREY
How are you? How have you been? Did–
JEFFREY’S DAD
I don’t have much time, Son.
JEFFREY
Can I stay here. We need to catch up.
JEFFREY’S DAD
Son, I must leave in a few moments. You must return. You have work to do… you can do things I could never do.
JEFFREY
But, I want to stay with you. I love you.
JEFFREY’S DAD
I love you and always have, Jeff. I know I wasn’t always there for you when you were younger, but I’m here for you now–always.
Jeffrey’s dad gets up and starts to walk away.
JEFFREY’S DAD
Just call on me anytime.
Jeffrey’s dad disappears in the woods.
JEFFREY
Dad! Dad! Where are you–
INT. BEDROOM – SUBURBAN HOME – MUNCIE, INDIANA – NIGHT
Jeffrey’s WIFE (70), long, gorgeous grey hair, places her hand on the sleeping Jeff’s forehead. Gently wakes him.
JEFFREY’S WIFE
Jeff, love, you’re dreaming…I’m here.
Jeffrey, now 75, grey hair, small goatee, wakes up. Startled, looks around the room. Looks at his wife.
Grabs her and pulls her on him.
JEFFREY
I love you so much. You won’t believe what just happened.
JEFFREY’S WIFE
You were dreaming, Sweetie.
JEFFREY
No, it wasn’t a dream, it was real..it was very real.
She nods lovingly.
JEFFREY
I have some work to do…good work.
JEFFREY’S WIFE
I’ll put on some coffee. I want to hear all about it.
End
Interviews with survivors.
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Lesson 23
In climax protagonist come to their old phase
Police bring back jeff to California. Proceeding going on, jeff angry at judge and prosecuted by the court.
While cross examining jeff scream on judge and abusing him.
Jeff
Do you remember me? you punish me for the crime I have not committed.
He holds judge by collar. Police intervene.
Court adjourns.
Matt Robinson comes home.
Jackie
why are you look worried?
Matt Robinson
I don’t know an ordinary prisoner pull my collar in the court and abuse me and blame me for punishing him.
Jackie
You don’t punish people on bases of look. You have to do justice.
Phone ring. Jackie picks up.
Hello mom.
Me Andrew. From Florida.
Jackie crying.
Police officer will bring me to California at morning Proceeding is going on then. I will be home by 12.
Jackie crying
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Lesson 24
Add a scene
Jeff drive and drink. When an accident happens on the other side of the road. Jeff cry and laugh. He stops the van and call the police. Jeff to the injured person
Not this time man I had it before. And he leaves.
2. jeff ends up in kitty house and vomiting, s.o.b asking help. And lie Jeff goes back in a dream he see an accident and gives first aid help to the couple . police arrest him .
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Margaret Filled in Missing Scenes. What I learned completing this assignment is I brought a pilot and limited series into this class in order to complete the 5 episodes. I read the first two episodes and put in anything that was missing. For episode 3 which is half done I am going back to my breakdown board and fleshing out episode 3 and finishing a quick draft. I learned when in doubt go back to the breakdown board – It’s the holy grail of a series.
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Tita Filled in Missing Scenes (24)
What I learned from this assignment:
– That my first draft characters are too talky
– Instead of finding missing scenes, I realized I used the beginning-middle-end template for key scenes too literally. I made a separate scene for each of those three parts to set up, get to the action, then have a result. So the script moves too slowly. I need to jump in earlier and turn words into more dynamic action or words that are not just conversational but one character is trying to get something from the one they are arguing with so the words are covers for verbal knives, bulldozers or whatever
– Character intros need to be clearer, stronger and involving actions that are related to theme
I considered these questions as well as the overwriting, 3 for 1 scenes –
c Places the story jumps abruptly.
c Places where it just doesn’t flow well.
c Logic jumps that could be solved by adding a scene.
c Situations where we need to understand character better.
c Where you need a scene to set up something in the future.
c Where characters appear out of nowhere.
c Or characters from the 1st Act disappear until the 3rd or 4th Act.
All notes are on the script’s second draft and in short hand to me, not here.
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Alice’s Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment, I was writing leaving gaps and now I reap it. I’m still over filling in what I omissed as a more complex scene, or just haven’t done it. I wrote forty pages by now. I intend fill in everything I planed and then question my beat sheet, maybe it has something up the sleeve.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth, alone, smokes a cigarette. Recollection starts.
INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR – DAY
A number of school girls jog along.
SCHOOLGIRL
Lisa!
Elizabeth, teen, comes closer.
SCHOOLGIRL
Look at the tattoo I’m having!
She shows Elizabeth small drops of asymmetrical spiral in between her thumb and index finger.
ELIZABETH
And what does it represent?
SCHOOLGIRL
Nothing. Just a picture. It’s abstract.
ELIZABETH
It’s cool!
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth counts banknotes and coins in her hand.
ELIZABETH
I wish to make some tattoo.
TATTOO ARTIST
How much do you have?
Elizabeth shows him crones.
TATTOO ARTIST
Fifteen crones for the small tattoo, black and white! Come tomorrow seven thirty!
INT. TATTOO SALON – NIGHT
Elizabeth takes a sit in a chair.
TATTOO ARTIST
So, what would you like?
Elizabeth with blank expression looks ahead. Something clicks.
ELIZABETH
Can I have a band on my wrist?
Tattoo artist opens catalog on some examples of chains around the wrist.
ELIZABETH
No, just plain one.
She indicates with fingers proposed width of the band. And how it would run around her wrist.
TATTOO ARTIST
Let’s just make outlines.
EXT. OUTSIDE TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth observes fresh tattoo band on her wrist.
ELIZABETH (V.O.)
Not everything could be said. But forget it is impossible!
INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT
Must be her hooking on her fancy.
INT. HER FANCY’S FLAT – NIGHT
His room displays unfamiliar for Elizabeth paraphernalia that creates certain mood.
She can’t picture that yet.
Guy undresses. His slim body as from wax both attracts and overwhelms her.
She’s awkward, takes of her dress in exasperation.
He moves blanket aside, inviting her.
They squeeze and jolt for a while.
Then guy pulls away.
THE GUY
That’s all I can.
Question in her eyes.
THE GUY
I’m a GAY!
EXT. STREET SIDE – NIGHT
Elizabeth, bored, lags past illuminated entrance of Night Club.
Group of idle bikers. One BIKER calls at her.
Elizabeth intends to ignore it. Then considers packed up figure of the guy. Maybe this one is better.
INT. BIKER’S FLAT – NIGHT
Elizabeth gets out of her hood and looks as shy teenager, who she is.
Now, Biker sees, that’s not a teen boy.
BIKER
Are you a girl?
He turns her around, throws on the bed.
LATER
Elizabeth’s chin is in her palm. Her expression is most bored.
It drugs back and forth as Biker behind her continues with anal sex.
In her view under the lampshade a toy WASP swings left and right along Biker’s back and forth efforts.
LATER
Elizabeth gets up. Turns aside and massages her neck, so stiff after exercise.
Slowly, she makes it to the entrance.
Biker pushes bunch of banknotes in her hand and throws her out of apartment.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth counts crones, received from encounter.
ELIZABETH
I wish a color tattoo. Of a WASP. On my neck!
She indicates where exactly in there.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S KITCHEN – DAY
Breakfast. Elizabeth forks her meal.
ELIZABETH
Sex just sucks.
Holger Palmgren ahms.
HOLGER PALM GREW
What do you know of it? Do you have much of experience?
Lisbeth very knowledgeably stares at him. Nods.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Lisbeth, what is it on your neck?
ELIZABETH
Wasp.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Is it a tattoo? Is it permanent?
Lisbeth nods.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Is it popular now? In school?
ELIZABETH
Some of my friends have it.
Holger Palmgren grabs her wrist where there is a band tattoo.
HOLGREN PALMGREN
Oh, I’ve seen this one.
Lets her wrist out.
He knows her story of being bandaged to the bed. Therefore band tattoo.
His ironic look searchingly moves from band tattoo to wasp tattoo. Like ‘What’s behind that one?’
INT. BOXING STUDIO – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth coaching newbies.
Older muscular boxer moves past her, with towel over shoulder.
Puts hand on her shoulder, squeezing, in a friendly manner.
Elizabeth joyfully smiles back at professional.
EXT. SIDEWAY – NIGHT
Elizabeth walks her familiar rout home.
Lanterns shed dim lights.
As she turns sideway, there are no more lights.
Steps of someone who turns after her. She gets alerted.
As she speeds ahead, steps behind her run also.
Road goes up, as she runs into…
Blackest night.
In a hurry and fright, she searches under border the place where that rusted iron rod must be.
She finds it, picks it up, and stands in ready position.
Satisfied, steps decrease in tempo. Stranger approaches.
Elizabeth waves iron rod, hitting the man in darkness with all her might.
Then again and again.
Man drops on the ground.
She hits figure on the ground a number of times.
She stops. No sound coming from the man.
In the more populated street bellow Chinese restaurant still open. It’s sign, fluorescent lines of a DRAGON, are visible on dark background.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S FLAT – NIGHT
Holger Palmgren lets in resilient Lisbeth.
Saying nothing, she squeezes by him inside.
Goes into shower.
SHOWER
Shaking, Elizabeth pulls down clothes and stands under hot water to calm down.
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Holger Palmgren frowns sarcastically at Elizabeth, sitting tight on the sofa.
Walks to the closet, pulls a stuck of linings and blankets and drops it with attitude beside her.
After this he proudly walks into his dark bedroom. Door remains slightly open.
Elizabeth waits a little bit.
When all noises in his bedroom cease, she gets up, makes it to dark room and squeezes under blanket beside him.
To her surprise, he reacts turning to her. She holds his arm and he embraces her back.
So goes for a while, as they embrace as if she would be his partner and real woman, as a natural thing.
At the same time, it might be attributed to the parent, comforting his ten years child.
This way, nature of embrace escapes Elizabeth.
Then he lets embrace go, turns aside, and says, already falling asleep.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Elizabeth, did you notice, do I still have some milk in refrigerator?
And falls asleep.
Most astonished, Elizabeth observes him.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
ELIZABETH
Can I have a Dragon?
Tattoo Artist opens picture catalog on the counter.
ELIZABETH
No, the Big One!
She indicates an image of huge dragon in loops on the poster fixed on the wall behind Tattoo Artist’s back.
He turns around to glance on dragon picture.
TATTOO ARTIST
Oh, that one! Where do you get money from?
Elizabeth’s naive look is absent of any deception.
ELIZABETH
From boxing!
TATTOO ARTIST
That gona take long. A few days.
ELIZABETH
All right.
TATTOO ARTIST
Let’s book it.
Opens calendar.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth finishes smoking.
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Day 24 Fill in Any Missing Scenes
James Filled in Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is… by using the four-act structure with the transformational journey made the missing scenes really stand out. This made it simpler to outline and insert the scenes where they were needed. There was much clarity of what scenes were missing because intuitively I recognized the parts of the story that needed more depth.
I added two scenes with my protagonist, Jessica, and her father. I needed these scenes because they grounded the hero by exploring her long-distance relationship with her father. This script is a rated r romantic comedy, so I believe these scenes would bring a level seriousness to the story. They also show the vulnerability Jessica has when she talks with her father during long distance computer screen calls.
The other scene added was another relationship scene that involved Jessica’s gay friend’s handling life with a new friend in the big city. This scene is mainly for comedy moments, but it does reveal character and moves the story forward.
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PJ’s Transformational Journey
I learned that I will accomplish nothing if I don’t put in the time.1. Done, thank you!
2. Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
Internal Journey: From a selfish sex addict to a caring and monogamous partner.
External Journey: From an unrecognized scientist to the savior of the human race.
3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
Joanna’s old ways.Sleeps with students then fails them, ignores her responsibilities, grumbles about the daily grind, lies to Assistant about her true feelings of love.
Joanna’s new ways: Is monogamous to Assistant, leads the operation to stop Slayton, is satisfied with her role at work, opens up her true feelings to Assistant.
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