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Lesson 25: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 5
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SCENE
INT. DEATH CELL – DAY
The cell is painted in a light green colour. There is a glass panel on one side with a door #A on the opposite side with “Danger – trip hazard” stencilled in red on it. The cell has a small seating area and, in the corner, a small toilet area with a waist-high wall separating it from an unmade bed.
Brandy enters from door #B.
PHILLIP
(stands)
Brandy. I didn’t expect
Brandy moves over to the glass panel and checks her hair.
PHILLIP (cont’d)
to see you at this stage.
(gestures to seating)
Please join me. Did you bring the papers?
Bandy puts a bundle of papers on the table and Phillip leafs through them.
Phillip
(points)
Here’s a good one of you.
BRANDY
(cranes over)
Hmmm…my hair looks nice. Oh look there’s one of your floozies.
PHILLIP
May we please not rake over that again.
(gestures to cell)
It doesn’t seem to be neither the time nor place.BRANDY
(continues leafing)
Well if you hadn’t screwed
PHILLIP
Please. I really don’t need this…not as my last memory. Us fighting.
BRANDY
Well just saying…you brought this on yourself. Who’s going to look after me when
(Brandy glances at Door #A then starts as Door #B opens)
The guard brings in Phillip’s last meal then exits.
PHILLIP
Would you care to join me? I seem to have somewhat lost my
BRANDY
(picks through the dishes)
What on earth did you order? Escargot de Bourgogne? Crepes? With a Moselle! Ugh! What were you
PHILLIP
I’m afraid my mind was on other things. When it came to ordering I somewhat lost my
(beat)
BRANDY
(nods to door #A)
I think that must be in there.
They pick at the food and Phillip pours them both a glass of wine.
PHILLIP
Any news from Monsieur L’Président?
BRANDY
(nods to glass window)
I think they’d mention it.
PHILLIP
(tries the food)
Mmm…disgusting. Tell me for old times sake? I never quite knew how they found where I’d stashed the pistol.
BRANDY
Oh that’s easy! They followed me.
A guard enters and clears away the remains of the meal…
PHILLIP
(to guard)
Any news?
…leaving a pot of coffee and a few miniatures of brandy.
PHILLIP
Ah well.
(brightly)
no news is good news. Eh?
(beat)
PHILLIP (cont’d)
I do apologise. You were saying?
BRANDY
Les Flics knew everything. They were watching me. How they found out I don’t
PHILLIP
Ah…maybe I can help with that.
BRANDY
How?
PHILLIP
Well I tipped them off.
BRANDY
You! Why would
PHILLIP
I knew you had a solid alibi so I thought if I could use you to…ah…distract them, to confuse things, well that would give me time to slip away.
(beat)
BRANDY
You should have warned me. I should have been told.
PHILLIP
(chuckles)
I know what a good actress you are. I didn’t want to spoil your big moment.
BRANDY
(sniffs)
I told them. They knew.
PHILLIP
Who?
BRANDY
The Flics. I told them.
PHILLIP
But why?
BRANDY
I thought you were setting me up. To take the blame.
PHILLIP
But to the pistol? They were supposed to follow you to were I’d stashed some of the cash. Not the pistol! Never! I’d never give them the evidence for…
BRANDY
I though you were trying to send me through
(nods to door #A)
there.
PHILLIP
No, no. I loved you. I’ve always loved you and always will. How…no matter what has happened it was all for you my love.
BRANDY
(crying)
But those girls I
PHILLIP
A mere distraction. A little fun with the boys. You shouldn’t begrudge
BRANDY
(bawling her eyes out)
We can tell them. I’ll say I led you
PHILLIP
No no my love.
(nods to door #A)
It doesn’t actually matter that much.
BRANDY
(sniffing)
What are you saying.
PHILLIP
(takes Brandy’s hand)
I’m saying that it doesn’t matter that much. Not now.
BRANDY
Why Phillip? What
PHILLIP
I was leaving you anyway.
Brandy snatches her hand back.
BRANDY
Leaving me! What do you
Phillip takes Brandy’s hand back.
PHILLIP
D’you know they won’t let me smoke in here? I have to go out in the yard. Funny that it’s
BRANDY
It’s for the guards you silly not you
PHILLIP
And it’s too late for me I’m afraid.
BRANDY
What are you saying Phillip.
PHILLIP
That I’m for the high-jump anyway.
(nods to cigarettes on table)
They’ve got me.
BRANDY
They?
PHILLIP
The big-C. That’s why I pulled one last big job. To make sure you were alright when I’m…gone.
BRANDY
But the Doctors! We can get the best, did you get a second opinion? There must be something
PHILLIP
No mistake. The letter was very clear. It’s over for me my love. Anyway I did kill that poor guard so I suppose it’s fair.
BRANDY
(sobbing)
But I didn’t mean Oh God Phillip what have I done I didn’t
PHILLIP
Come on now girl. Be brave, be my brave
BRANDY
I did it. Oh forgive me I did it!
PHILLIP
What do you mean? I killed the poor
BRANDY
I wrote that letter! I found a sample on the Internet and copied it.
PHILLIP
You wrote…the letter? From the Doctor? You
BRANDY
Oh God. Yes, I did it! I thought that
Phillip sits back. A pause, then
PHILLIP
(ruefully)
Oh the jokes on me
(looks up)
you got me good this time big fellow. All the bad things I’ve done and you send me a letter telling me to kill myself.
A pair of guards step though door #A
GUARD #1
Monsieur Phillip we’re ready for you.
PHILLIP
Oh so soon! I wasn’t
Phillip turns to Brandy
PHILLIP
Well this is it old girl. I have loved you all my life. Je n’regret rien.
Phillip exits and door #A closes.
Brandy sits down, picks up a cigarette and lights it while staring defiantly at the glass window.
BRANDY
(makes a rude gesture at the window)
Fuck you Flics. Here’s to the merry widow with the loot.
(sits back and draws in a deep inhale)
And that’ll teach you to make a fool of me with your whores.
SHOT
Camera shot looking into the cell through the glass window. A hand reaches into shot and turns off an old fashioned reel-to-reel tape recorder. -
Alfred Dunham’s Lesson 25, Cycle 5 – Final Draft.
What I learned…
The biggest takeaway from this Cycle was that if I pushed hard enough, I could do it. I was truly afraid I couldn’t – even woke up in the middle of the night, struggling for a concept, let alone figuring out all those MI points, but once I did that, as Hal demonstrated, the story virtually wrote itself. Wow! For the second time, it really truly works.
NOTE 1: The sample script shows four (count them) separate SCENE HEADINGS (Sluglines), so I’m confused. Does “Scene” mean one and only one scene or “Scene Series”? I opted to use three SCENE HEADINGS. Doing it in one scene can be done, but it would defeat “show, don’t tell.”
NOTE 2: In this Final Draft, I reversed the Traits Swap I did in the First Draft back to the original, as given, Traits listings. I finally figured out how to make them work.
LOGLINE: An oversexed teenage boy risks all for at least the chance at a one-night stand with the high school’s most gorgeous girl but hopes for more.
ESSENCE: Everybody is betraying everybody else. Duplicity, enhanced.
SITUATION
Person A protects Person B when talking to the police but is then arrested. The next scene reveals that Person B set the whole thing up.
SCENE ARC
Philip is PERSON A
Traits: status-seeking, sense of entitlement, guilt-ridden, polite
Subtext: Philip is polite… as he manipulates those around him.
Brandy is PERSON B
Traits: manipulative, entertaining, needy, deceptive
Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose.
MAXIMUM INTERTAINMENT TECHNIQUES
1. STRUCTURAL
A. Suspense.
A police car drives past Brandy’s parked car, STOPS, and takes the license number.
B. Major twist.
Brandy puts her half of the loot back in Philip’s sack when he’s not looking.
C. Surprise
Philip suggests knocking over a warehouse.
D. Put in a More Interesting Setting
A warehouse, A wealthy person’s house, a pawn shop.
E. Mislead / Reveal.
Phillip’s best friend/informant betrays him to the police. He and Brandy are a couple working together.
F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony
Possibility: Brandy’s little sister, hidden, hears everything.
G. Uncertainty — hope / fear
Philip’s breaking into the warehouse process.
H. Intrigue
Brandy’s sister knows something went down, but if she reports what she knows, she will be in big trouble with Brandy forever.
I. Mystery
Possibility: Why are all the jewels laid out and so easy to snatch?
J. Cliffhanger
Phillip is arrested. But will Brandy’s deceit catch up with her?
K. Dilemma
Does Phillip go forward with his heist proposition?
L. Something unseen
Brandy’s little sister is hiding in Brandy’s closet.
2. CHARACTER
A. Character changes radically.
Brandy morphs from Philip’s boyfriend to his betrayer.
B. Betrayal.
Brandy betrays Phillip.
C. Dilemma
Phillip wants Brandy so badly he’s ready to sell his soul to the Devil rather than lose her.
D. Uncomfortable Moment
Phillip wants sex with Brandy. Brandy doesn’t and makes him look foolish.
Brandy discovers that her little sister heard everything.
E. Misinterpretation
Philip is led to believe that if he does something radical for Brandy, he can get what he wants.
3. DIALOGUE
A. Hook
Phillip suggests the un-suggestible for a teen. A heist.
B. Predictions
Phillip promises Brandy the moon.
C. Creating a Future
Phillip talks about his and Brandy’s future.
D. Anticipatory Dialogue
Brandy queries Philip about what he will do if he gets caught. He promises to cover for her.
*****
SCENE [Final Draft]: BRANDY AND PHILIP
INT. BRANDY’S HOME – NIGHT
LIVING ROOM
Brandy and Philip are alone together.
PHILP TORKELSON, (18), is over his head in love (with want?) with Brandy and wants a relationship – thinks he has the moxie to pull it off. He knows better but is still willing to risk all for even a chance at a one-night-stand – but hopes for more.
PHILIP
Are we alone?
BRANDY DEVORE, (19), is everything that Phillip is not. She’s every high school boy’s dream if you don’t look too closely, but she’s too mature for Phillip – and too crafty.
BRANDY
Yeah.
PHILIP
When are your parent’s coming home?
BRANDY
Don’t worry so much. Not for hours.
PHILIP
And you little sister?
BRANDY
She’s at a slumber party with her friends. We’re alone.
PHILIP
Wanna go up to your room, then?
BRANDY
Sure. Why not.
Brandy leads Phillip up the stairs to her room.
BRANDY’S ROOM
SUSAN DEVORE, (6), Brandy’s little sister is like most younger siblings – curious about their older brothers and sisters – so she snoops whenever she can.
Susan hears footsteps coming up the stairs – panics – dives into Brandy’s closet and, pulls the louvered doors shut – hides.
As Phillip and Brandy enter the room, Philip removes his button-down shirt, and neatly hangs it over the back of a chair.
BRANDY
What are you doing?
PHILIP
I’m sorry. Getting comfortable?
Brandy’s glare is off-putting.
PHILIP
I’m sorry. I was thinking —
BRANDY
I know what you were thinking.
PHILIP
Oh, God, I’m sorry… want me to put it back on?
BRANDY
Not necessarily. I like your interest in me, but —
As she continues to talk, she entertains Philip with a mini-striptease dance as she removes her blouse.
BRANDY
— But, you know, a girl needs to know what’s in it for her. You do love me, don’t you?
PHILIP
Of course, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I have a reputation to maintain, too, ya know.
BRANDY
How am I supposed to know? Because you told me?
PHILIP
Just as soon as we’re out of high school —
BRANDY
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys all say the same thing. I need something more —
PHILIP
(interrupting)
You mean tangible?
BRANDY
Yeah. That’s the word.
PHILIP
What if I could get you some fine jewelry?
BRANDY
That sounds good. When?
PHILIP
Tonight?
BRANDY
Tonight? Where?
PHILIP
In a warehouse… you don’t want to know more.
BRANDY
How do you know this stuff, and what if you get caught?
Philip transforms into an overconfident little-boy peacock.
PHILIP
I won’t. I know stuff. Just ask the other guys at school.
BRANDY
Okay, if you think you can, but don’t you dare involve me.
PHILIP
(still strutting his stuff)
I would never do that. I love you, remember?
Phillip puts his shirt back on and asks —
PHILIP
Can I borrow your car?
Brandy tosses Phillip her car key – puts her blouse back on
BRANDY
And for god’s sake, keep my car hidden.
PHILIP
I will. It’ll be fine. You worry too much.
Laughing, Phillip leaves.
Brandy follows Phillip downstairs.
Once Brandy leaves, Susan emerges from Brandy’s louvered closet and races down the hall on tiptoes to her own room.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Philip finds no trouble in finding the vault with the precious stones and in opening it up – with surgical gloves, of course.
Inside, he discovers a cache of mixed gemstones spread out on a large table, unprotected. A set of loupes, individual plastic vials, and a selection of cataloging labels sit nearby, in the ready.
It’s too easy. He sweeps the pile of premium gems into a velvet bag, tucks the bag inside his shirt, and exits, being careful to return everything back to the way he found it, leaving no clues.
He hears engine noises outside the warehouse –peeks through the door eyehole to see a police officer taking down the license number of Brandy’s car.
INT. BRANDY’S HOME – NIGHT
To the sound of some loud banging on the front door and voices —
POLICE, O.S.
Police, open up.
Brandy opens the door to two police officers.
POLICE
Where’s your car?
Brandy points – screams —
BRANDY
It’s gone. It’s been stolen?
POLICE
That’s all we needed to know. Your car was spotted at the scene of a heist.
BRANDY
I’ve been here all evening.
She’s in her bedroom slippers.
POLICE
We can see that. Sorry for the intrusion.
BRANDY
Will you find my car? I need it to get to work and school.
POLICE
Yes. We’re looking for it.
LATER
Philip, dressed in black clothing and carrying a velvet bag and ski mask inside his shirt, returns.
BRANDY
(in tears)
The police were here.
PHILIP
Yeah, I figured that out, so I hid your car in the Safeway market parking lot.
BRANDY
Did anyone see you?
PHILIP
No. It’s late, and I took the long, winding walk back. The Police will find your car and return it.
BRANDY
Wow, you covered all the bases, didn’t you?
PHILIP
I told you I would. Can we split this up in your room, just in case?
BRANDY’S ROOM
Philip dumps the loot out on Brandy’s bed – a fortune in uncut gemstones roll out.
Brandy about faints.
PHILIP
There it is.
BRANDY
Did you have any trouble?
PHILIP
Nope.
Phillip Just laughs and helps Brandy divide the loot.
LATER
PHILIP
May I use your bathroom?
BRANDY
Certainly. It’s down the hall on the right.
Phillip leaves, and Brandy quickly puts all the gems back in the one bag and closes it.
When Phillip returns, Bandy hands the bag to Phillip —
BRANDY
I’ve hidden my half. Here’s yours. Get it home fast and hide it well.
PHILIP
You can count on it. Later?
BRANDY
Yes. Later. But we can’t be seen together for a while.
Philip leaves, smiling – anticipating.
LATER
Brandy’s phone rings.
JACK DOWNING, (22), is Phillip’s best friend, or so Phillip thinks. He’s slick, smart, greedy, and involved with Brandy behind Phillip’s back. And he knows everything about the company for which he works.
INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
BRANDY
Hello.
JACK
Hi. Brandy. This is Jack. I’m calling from a pay phone. It all went well.
BRANDY
Phillip said it was almost like they wanted him to help himself.
JACK
(laughing)
I tried to make it as easy for him as I could without making it too obvious.
BRANDY
Well, it worked.
JACK
Stupid boy. I’ll call the insurance company tomorrow, now that the theft is discovered. They offer a 10% finder’s fee, no questions asked, and with that haul, it will be substantial – and without having to fence it.
BRANDY
Enough for us to —
JACK
Yeah, but we’re going to have to lay low for a while.
BRANDY
Yeah, I know. This is going to be painful, being without you.
JACK
Well, at least you won’t have to deal with Phillip… for a very long time.
BRANDY
I’ll try to focus on that. I love you, Jack. Sorry to do this to Phillip, but it was necessary.
JACK
I hear you. Bye and take good care of yourself. I love you, too.
END TELEPHONE CONVERSATION.
Brandy’s little sister, Susan, knocks on Brandy’s bedroom door and enters.
Brandy about jumps out of her skin.
BRANDY
What are you doing here?
SUSAN
What do you mean? I live here.
BRANDY
I mean, I thought you were at some sleepover.
SUSAN
She got sick.
BRANDY
So – Phillip?
SUSAN
Yeah. I heard everything. Are you going to get into trouble now or something?
Sounds of the parents arriving downstairs –
Brandy puts her finger to her lips and shushes Susan.
BRANDY
Not one single word about this! Got it?
A frightened Susan nods her head.
-
Lynn’s QE Cycle #5 REVISED
Hal’s critique of Magafas’s scene is really helpful, especially the last part about (1) looking at each line of dialogue to see if it delivers on at least one character trait, and then (2) looking for areas to enhance character traits that are missing or weak.
Because of my schedule (I’m rushing because this week I won’t be able to do any screenwriting) I didn’t rework this scene as much as I could have…. Jeremy’s suggestion of giving Brandy a stronger motive was great. I fumbled around with that before, but he really got me to come up with something better.
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LOGLINE: Brandy is in trouble with the police over illegal dogs and Phil is there to get her off the hook, until he’s the one arrested.
ESSENCE: Brandy gets back at Phil for giving the best acting roles for another actress. Revenge is sweet and ugly, but it doesn’t pay off in the long run!
SCENE ARC: From Brandy looking innocent, a damsel in distress, to her looking evil.
BRANDY: Traits: Status seeking, Entertaining, Needy, Deceptive
— Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose.
PHILLIP — Traits: Manipulative, Sense of entitlement, Guilt ridden, Polite
— Subtext: Phillip is polite…as he manipulates those around him.
===============================
EXT. RESIDENTAL STREET – DAY
Small, but immaculate two-bedroom houses with expansive back yards line the street. Trees, shrubs, flowers. Farm fields behind. Idyllic. [CURRENT SCENE SITUATION]
An older sedan sits in the driveway of A PINK HOUSE, an ANIMAL CONTROL VAN parked at the curb.
BRANDY (32), glitzy clothes and makeup, stacked and oozing sex, stands near the curb on her cell.
BRANDY (ON CELL): Phil, you’ve got to get over here. Someone called Animal Control on me. I don’t know what’s up. [mystery, creating a future; CHARACTER CURRENT SITUATION/COVER-UP: sweet damsel in distress]
The ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER (40s) comes from the back yard with a FEMALE PITBULL on a catch pole, GROWLING. [something unseen]
Brandy offs her cell and speaks to the AC Officer, feigning a haughty accent.
BRANDY: I was away for a month. I don’t know how that dog got in my yard. He seems vicious. (orchestrated shiver) [PLOT/SITUATION Demand/Current Situation – how did the dog get there; mystery]
AC OFFICER: It’s a female and there’re puppies back there. You should know it’s illegal to have or breed pitbulls in Hidalgo. And the dog and puppies look half starved. This is serious. I’ll have to call the police. [hook, suspense, creating a future, anticipatory dialogue, fear]
BRANDY: (hand-to-ample chest) Oh my God, the police?! And you mean it’s a pitbull?! [fear, entertaining]
The dog strains against the pole, tries to bite the Officer, but as it passes Brandy is gives PITIFUL WHINE and looks to her for help. [setup, intrigue] He loads the dog into the van, then pulls his cell, speaks out of earshot.
PHIL (45) comes rushing out of a house on her left and sidles up to Brandy. The AC Officer offs his cell, then approaches Brandy and Phil with a clipboard and pen in hand.
BRANDY: (to Phil) He says it’s a pitbull!
PHIL: A pitbull! Well that explains why it’s so vicious. Nearly attacked me several times. (to the AC Officer) So glad you came and took it away, Officer. [polite] I had no idea it was a pitbull. In fact, when Brandy asked me to feed her dog while she was away, I thought she had a poodle. (turns to Brandy) You did have a poodle, right? (off her nod) What happened to it? (beat) Oh God, I hope this monster didn’t kill and eat your dog. [mystery, misinterpretation, superior position – he doesn’t know this is serious and police have been called; guilt ridden]
BRANDY: (trembling) I just don’t know, Phil. Poochi-Poo is nowhere to be found. The monster probably ate him! (sob)
Phil gives her a perfunctory embrace [polite].
PHIL: It’s all my fault, Dear. I should have called you when I wondered if that could possibly be your dog. I mean I just don’t know anything about dogs. {misinterpretation – implicating himself; guilt ridden]
BRANDY: And I don’t know who called Animal Control.
She glances at NEIGHBOR FRANK (40s) on the porch of the house to the right. He’s standing, arms folded, viewing the scene. [something unseen, intrigue] Phil follows her line of vision, then back to the AC Officer.
PHIL: As you can see, Brandy, isn’t responsible for this. As her talent agent–
AC OFFICER: (to Brandy) It was an anonymous tip. A man’s voice. (to Phil) So, you said you were feeding it. And the puppies?
PHIL: Well, I would just shove the food into the yard before the dog could jump me. I never saw puppies.
AC OFFICER: (writing notes) Then you are the one responsible for the dog. (off Phil’s gawk shock) You see, even if you feed a dog one day, the dog becomes your responsibility. [fear, Major Twist… we thought Brandy was in trouble]
As Phil studders incredulity, A POLICE CAR arrives. A big, tougher-looking POLICEMAN gets out, joins the AC Officer, Phil, and Brandy.
POLICEMAN: (to the AC Officer) I’ll take from here. [uncomfortable moment — Phil had no idea it was that serious]
AC OFFICER: I’ll go get the puppies.
The Policeman nods. The AC Officer goes gets a box from his van, then heads back to the yard.
POLICEMAN: (to Phil) What’s your full name and address? Your occupation?
PHIL: Philip Barlow, Officer. 2118 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo, California. I’m a-a talent agent… And got into real estate, but having problems with that. [slight DEMAND re properties]
The Policeman writes it down. Phil fret speaks.
PHIL (CONT’D): I’m head of the neighbor watch. I have great relations with your police chief. [sense of entitlement]
POLICEMAN: And what’s your connection to this property, (Looks at his clipboard) 2116 Rosy Lane?
PHIL: I own all the houses on this street, and–
POLICEMAN: (gottcha) I see.
PHIL: No, officer, you don’t understand. I’m renting this house out to Miss Brandy here. She was away for a while and asked me to feed her dog. I thought it was a poodle, but–
POLICEMAN: (to Brandy) And your name, address, and occupation?
BRANDY: (flushed and effusive) Brandy Lamarr, with two “Rs.” 2116 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo. I’m a movie star. (baby voice) You may have seen me in “Too Late, George”?
POLICEMAN: (viewing her cleavage) No, I… didn’t see that one.
BRANDY: “Quannah’s Quandry”?
POLICEMAN: “Whoa, that was a great movie. You were in that?!”
BRANDY: Well, I was pretty far down the credits. (glares at Phil) The saloon girl?
POLICEMAN: I guess I’ll have to see it again, be on the lookout for the saloon girl. (to Phil, serious) So what we have here is a 13-50, possession of a pitbull, and 13-75, breeding pitbulls. I’ll have to take you in, since you were the one feeding the dog. [surprise re how serious it is; fear]
PHIL: (knocked back) What?! You mean arrest me over a dog thing?
POLICEMAN: That’s the law. Lack of knowledge of the law–
PHIL: (disgusted) I know, … is no excuse. But I don’t even live here and Miss Brandy was away for a month.
BRANDY: (interjecting) On one of those spaghetti Westerns, “Bushwhacker’s Den.” Which’ll surely top the Django series.
Phil looks to Brandy shocked, meekly succumbing as the Policeman handcuffs him [polite] while murmuring the MIRANDA RIGHTS.
PHIL: I thought you were with your sick father? [Brandy, a liar] (to the Policeman) I’m innocent, Officer. [hope]
POLICEMAN: They all say that. [fear]
PHIL: I need to call my attorney. [hope]
POLICEMAN: At the police station.
The AC Officer returns with his box full of puppies.
AC OFFICER: These dogs are sick. One is dead. It’s more serious than I thought. [fear]
Brandy shrugs, turns to Phil, who is worried sick over his predicament.
BRANDY: I WAS with Daddy a few days… Phil, you weren’t getting me any parts. I got another agent. I need money. I’m in debt. [needy, deceptive]
As the Policeman leads compliant Phil to the Police Car and loads him in, Phil calls back.
PHIL: I understand why, Brandy Dear. But you blew the parts I got you. No pun intended. And-and “Bushwhacker’s Den”? You’re going back to that? [mystery/intrigue – what is “that”?]
BRANDY: (shouts with contorted face) You got all the good parts for high class Marla Dubois! Is she better in bed than me, you dirty, rotten cheater! [character change]
All look with horror at her ugly transformation, except Frank on his porch, who smiles. The Police Car zooms away with Phil. Brandy pulls her cell.
BRANDY (ON CELL): Hi Daddy. You were so right about the law. [character changes back] And they took your sick pitbull and puppies away. (whimpers, near tears) You can bring back Poochi Poo now. [PLOT/SITUATION Reveal – Brandy arranged to put the dog there & setup Phil, betrayal, willing to lie]
Neighbor Frank approaches.
FRANK: I didn’t call the cops, Miss Brandy. I swear.
BRANDY: I know that, Franky Baby. But I am glad to get Phil the Red Pill out of my hair. (off Frank’s confusion) Trying to change little ole me… The jailbird won’t be laying Marla tonight. [CHARACTER REVEAL – she’s evil all along]
FRANK: (headshake TSK) Well, I hope they lock him away for good. The slumlord. Always raising rent on these rat-infested shacks.
Frank looks across the street at the eyesore of A MASSIVE JUNKYARD. [REVEAL more interesting setting UNSEEN, new circumstance, surprise]
FRANK (CONT’D): This is nothing but a rural slum… But I guess he gave you a concession.
BRANDY: An itty-bitty one… So how’re things with your big construction contract? You thought of moving to a real swanky place…
INT./EXT. POLICE CAR/CITY STREETS – DAY
PHIL: I wanted to save her. “Bushwhacker’s Den” is NOT a western. It’s porn. So I failed at that and much more…. [guilt-ridden; mystery re “much more”] (eyes the Policeman in the rearview mirror) And I don’t sleep with my clients, despite her allusion. I just want to help actors become rich and famous AND live good, decent lives. I’ve discovered more star material than anyone in our agency. [manipulative]
POLICE: So, you’re a talent agent? … Any parts for policemen?
PHIL: They’re hot right now. Yeh, I could get you some parts. Start with a couple of bits and who knows how far you’ll go. (beat) So what’s the penalty for this dog crime?
POLICE: The dogs are starved and sick, but we won’t make that an issue… A month in jail at most, but probably a fine. Surely your attorney’ll get you off. And if he doesn’t, I know one who will. (beat) Ya know, my wife’s on the Community Improvement Committee. We could look into rezoning and getting rid of that junkyard… It’d improve your property value.
PHIL: (smiles) Why, thank you, Officer, uh?
POLICE: Briggs, Joe Briggs.
PHIL. Glad to meet you… I’ve been trying to get the street rezoned ever since they set up that junkyard…
They ride in silence a while into a town.
POLICE: So you think the woman’s guilty?
PHIL: Not for that dog crime, no. And I don’t think the neighbor put the dog there either, even though he’s a pitbull himself. It’s likely the dog just came into the yard because Brandy was away… (whines) And ate her little poodle. I feel so responsible. For her poodle, not her. [guilt-ridden] (long beat) But you might want to investigate Brandy for other things. Her real name is Bertha Foglehorse. And if you want her junkie’s contact info… [cliffhanger, twist]
0
-
Trying to catch up on these assignments- I’m way behind…
Logline: Phillip and Brandy are interrogated for a murder
Essence: Phillip uses Brandy’s desire for status to doom her
EXT. BROADWAY THEATER – NIGHT
Marquee: GIGLI THE MUSICAL
INT. THEATER
The Ben Affleck character (Gigli, a hit man) struts across the stage toward a guy who owes him money. In a plush opera box, PHILLIP (40s), a suave Englishman and his date BRANDY (30s), a brash African-American. Behind them, an older gentleman (J.R., 60s) Phillip’s business partner.
Lights go out in the theater. Total darkness. A gun FIRES. Lights flash back on. Gigli’s killed the guy, lying on the stage. In the opera box, J.R. leans back in his chair… a bullet wound in his forehead. Blood trickles out.
MANAGER’S OFFICE, THEATER – 10 MINUTES LATER
A young, inexperienced NYPD COP (20s) interrogates Phillip and Brandy.
PHILLIP: I appreciate that you’re doing your job- I have the upmost respect for your profession- but surely you don’t believe I had anything to do with this most unfortunate tragedy. (tears well in his eyes). Julius Randolph was my business partner. My mentor. My maître d’école.
COP: Well, all I know is someone shot J.R.
BRANDY: Yo, I can vouch for his ass- for real. He didn’t do shit. And you can quote me on that. Name’s Brandy with a ‘y,’ like the hooch rich folks drink. Not with an ‘i’ like some bougie bitch.
C: Look, you were the only two there and… (to Phillip) I-I know there was bad blood between you and J.R. (proudly) I read the Post.
P: With all due respect, officer, if everyone got arrested for quote unquote ‘bad blood,’ half the country would be in chains.
B: Like us in bed last night (giggles; to cop) Shit got crazy. I wanted to film it, but…
P: She has an insatiable appetite for fame.
B: You ain’t famous, you ain’t shit. Know what I’m sayin’?
C: I-I gotta take someone in. My job’s on the line here.
P: I must warn you of the consequences of your actions, Officer Brown. As I’m sure you’re aware- being the astute reader that you are- I know important people. I assure you, the repercussions will be dire.
B: You can’t take him in. That’s my boo, yo! He’s my partner. My mentor. My (wracks brain to say ‘maître d’école’)… fuck buddy.
P: I’m not implying I’m a perfect person, by any means. Lord knows I’ve committed my share of misdeeds-
B: ‘Specially in bed. Am I right? (cackles)
P: – But first degree murder? That’s preposterous.
C: I’m gonna read you your rights… Uh…
Forgetting the Miranda, he Googles it on his phone.
B: Yo, man, l know for a fact he didn’t do it. Fact, I’d bet my momma’s life on it- and I love my momma.
P: I can vouch for that. I, tsk, unfortunately never developed that kind of relationship with my mum. Probably my fault. As I said, I’m not perfect. But I’m no murderer.
The cop can’t get on the Wifi. Frustrated, he sets down his phone.
C: Look, a big time money guy just bit the bullet. I gotta bring someone in, I mean…
P: And this someone will undoubtedly become famous.
And glimpses Brandy.
B: Whoa- famous? For real? Hey, if it gets me on the front page, cuff away, baby!
She playfully holds out her wrists.
B: My Insta gonna blow up.
C: Ah, thank you!
Grabs his handcuffs and slaps them on her wrists. Problem solved.
B: What the… I was just playin,’ yo.
P: You must understand his profession, dear. It’s incumbent upon him to elicit a suspect.
C: Yes- exactly… whatever you said.
B: Ah, man, this is some bullshit! Do something, boo!
P: Don’t worry, love. I’ll arrange the financial transaction to secure your freedom. (beat) Evening, officer. I have a second act to catch.
Tips hat and strolls out of the room.
B: That’s some fucked up shit right there… that was my bread winner, yo. Think I licked his nasty ass balls for fun?
C: Awright, c’mon. I’m taking you downtown. (blushes) Always wanted to say that.
The cop leads a handcuffed Brandy away.
THEATER.
In his opera box, Phillip watches the second act of Gigli. Checks his business account on his phone: with J.R. gone, all the millions are his. He grins devilishly while on stage, Gigli and the Jennifer Lopez character engage in a weird sex scene. Yeah, the musical’s as shitty as the movie:)
-
INT. COMEDY CLUB-NIGHT
BRANDY PAUL (45) She’s wearing a dress and has blond hair is finishing up her act on stage and amid the laughter and clapping she comes back stage. PHIL SHIMDT (50) He’s tall and thin meets her there. VALERY PAUL (16) blond hair with jeans and t- shirt is cleaning up the make up and getting ready to go.
BRANDY
Phil, I’ve been invited on Saturday Night Live. This is what I dreamed of.
PHIL
That’s great! But I needed to find you and tell you the deed is done five days ago in Chicago. But I can no longer sleep because I’m guilt ridden.
BRANDY
I’m so sorry, babe.
PHIL
Please don’t be so stupid and call the police.
BRANDY
Well then I have a dilema. If I report him missing they will come after me or if I don’t say anything they will still come after me.
PHIL
And we can continue with this affair anymore.
BRANDY
But Phil I still love you. I need you.
PHIL
Please keep it down Valery might hear.
BRANDY
Sorry. But Phil let’s be reasonable.
PHIL
Look, I gotta go. See you later.
Phil moves behind a curtain and leaves.
VALERY
Someone call my name?
BRANDY
It’s not important, dear.
VALERY
When’s dad coming home?
BRANDY
He should be coming home in a couple days.
INT. BRANDY’S CAR -NIGHT
Brandy drops off Valery at a friend’s house. She phones Phil.
PHIL
Hello?
BRANDY
When will I see you later?
PHIL
Look stupid, that’s a figure of speach.
BRANDY
But I want to see you, Phil.
PHIL
If you confess to the murder I’ll continue to see you.
BRANDY
I can’t do that.
PHIL
You’ll get life in prison and with good behavior you could get parole. Then I’ll see you.
BRANDY
I don’t even know how you did it.
PHIL
I used a date rape drug and drown him. Simple as that. Look I can’t take the fall, my family has ties going back to English royaly.
BRANDY
Fine, I’ll confess. Anything to keep you out of prison.
PHIL
Thank you.
INT. POLICE STATION–DAY
Brandy enters and approaches the desk.
BRANDY
My name is Brandy Paul and my husband’s name is Peter Paul.I killed my husband and I worked alone.
POLICE DETECTIVE
How was it done?
BRANDY
I used a date rape drug and drown him.
POLICE DETECTIVE
When and where was this?
BRANDY
In Chicago and I don’t remember when.
POLICE DETECTIVE
Give me a time this accured.
BRANDY
5 days ago.
POLICE DETECTIVE
Where is the body?
BRANDY
At this time, I don’t know.
Police officer gets up out of chair.
POLICE DETECTIVE
Let’s go get fingerprinted and photos and I want you to fill out a confession’s form.
INT. PHIL’S CAR-NIGHT
Phil calls Valery.
PHIL
Hello Valery?
VALERY
Who is this?
PHIL
It’s Phil Schmidt. I saw how beautiful you are the other day at the grocery store and I want to ask you out on a date.
VALERY
How’d you get my phone number?
PHIL
I knew your mother.
VALERY
How?
PHIL
From college. Would you consider a date with me, please?
VALERY
Can you send a picture?
Phil sends a picture.
VALERY
Okay I guess I could.
Phil smiles evilly. He knows he has her attention.
-
Lessons 23, 24, 25
Logline: Brandy creates a rumor that leads her friend and her brother to follow her on a wild goose chase for hidden money that does not exist.
Essence: Brandy sacrifices her brother, Phillip, for a lie.
INT. PARLOR OF YELLOW HOTEL, SWEETWATER, WYOMING – DAY
The wedding of Garnet Osborn to James O’Connor in progress…
VIOLIN music saturates the parlor. It continues to end of Montage.
The room is gaudily decorated with red Persian rug, fringed lamps and cheap prints of naked women.
Bouquets of wild flowers sit of each of 4 parlor tables. The Violinist is Brandy (30ish) freckled, long, curly red hair adorned by a halo of wild flowers. She is dressed in her best green satin dress and slippers.
Standing at the back of the room is the Hotel’s negro bodyguard, Toby. Seated guests are the ten working girls. They smile politely dressed in their fanciest dresses and hats. They sit a little taller this day of rest and celebration. Their friend, Garnet, is the bride of Mr. James O’Connor, a rancher. Each watches the proceedings with silent wishes that it was her turn to take the nuptial vows to escape her monotonous plight.
Brandy finishes playing and places her instrument back in its blue lined case. She takes her place as a witness for the bride. The bride is corseted up in gaudy white lace and red ribbons. Her headpiece is a halo of wildflowers.
The nervous groom wears his only suit and bow tie. His father’s gold watch that no longer works, peeks from his vest pocket.
Toby leaves his observation post at the back to stand witness for his friend, the groom.
Phillip (30ish) the minister, dark haired, chiseled features, stands tall, serious and dignified in his Sunday suit behind a makeshift altar that holds his open Bible.
END OF O.S. VIOLIN
END OF MONTAGE
PHILLIP reads:…”and now these three remain, faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” By the powers invested upon me by the State of Wyoming, I now pronounce…
James goes in prematurely for the long forbidden first kiss…
PHILLIP (cont.)…you husband and wife.
Giggles among the girls. They rush o Garnet. Shower her with well wishes, kisses on the cheek. They lead her to a parlor table covered with small packages wrapped in mismatched scraps of cloth, held together by white store string. They resemble an art project of an insane child.
Garnet opens the homemade gifts of sachets, cologne and spices. She thanks the girls.
The impatient O’Connor scoops up his bride and carries her through the front door. The girls scurry to wave to Garnet as the buggy disappears.
The girls disperse up the stairs. Phillip and Brandy look at one another with half-smiles.
BRANDY: Step one accomplished.
PHILLIP: Tomorrow then?
BRANDY: Yes. Tomorrow.
Brandy takes her violin and goes upstairs.
INT. METHODIST CHURCH – DAY
Tiny back room in the church. Meager furnishings. Bed, cot, armoire. Beside table with kerosene lamp. Phillip sits behind a small roll-top desk. Bible open. He writes with a quill dipped in ink.
KNOCK at the door.
PHILLIP: Yes, come in.
BRANDY: You ready?
PHILLIP: My horse is saddled. I can’t afford to rent a buggy so we’ll have to ride double.
BRANDY: Like when we were kids.
PHILLIP: Except this time I’m in the saddle. You’ll ride behind the cantle.
BRANDY: A fine big brother you are!
PHILLIP: Yep.
They leave out the back door.
INT.O’CONNOR HOME, RURAL SWEETWATER – DAY
Garnet, Brandy and Phillip sit at kitchen table. Drinking coffee.
GARNET: Yes, I’ve met the kid.
BRANDY: And…
GARNET: He’s bullheaded. Doesn’t like having people around. Runs the place like he knows what he’s doing.
PHILLIP: Kate was find of him.
BRANDY: Like a stray puppy.
GARNET: Pretty much.
BRANDY: Where would Kate have hidden her money?
GARNET: She was a workhorse and she made good money…her whole life. Never seemed to spend any.
PHILLIP: Does the kid know about the money?
GARNET: Apparently not.
BRANDY: Could Kate’s place become a House for say 15 to 20 girls?
GARNET: Ideal building. Ideal location.
PHILLIP: I thought you wanted out of the profession.
BRANDY: It’s the only thing I know. Mother started me when I was 14. Hell, it beats havin’ 10 kids and a drunken husband that beats the shit out of you jist for fun. And he don’t even haf to pay for it.
PHILLIP: Brandy, my dearest sister. It is a sin. According to God’s law a woman is to submit to her husband, not to loads of men.
GARNET: Reverend Phillip what would you do with your share of the money if we find it?
PHILLIP: I’m leaving this cursed place. I’m going back east where congregations have plenty of money to tithe.
BRANDY: And leave me here all alone? After all I did for you? You promised, remember.
PHILLIP: I am really sad about that. You could come with me. We deserve better than what life has handed us in this place.
BRANDY: You outa know. You got out of this hell hole when you went to study the ministry. You got out of here on my money.
PHILLIP: I didn’t know where that money came from. Had I known, I would not have accepted it.
GARNET: Stealing is against the Commandments. How do you justify what we are about to do?
PHILLIP: Simple. We do good deeds with it.
GARNET: Once rumors get started there might be others who get the same idea. It would be best to go at night. It’s a full moon tonight.
BRANDY: Then we go tonight.
EXT./INT. KATE’S INN – NIGHT
Reverend Phillip, Brandy and James O’Connor sneak around the grounds by moonlight. When they enter the interior . Light kerosene barn lanterns. Garnet stays with the buggy and horse.
Unbeknown to them, Charles watched their every movement from his hiding place, the outhouse. He peeked out through the half-moon on the door. He is frightened.
Charles bridles his horse and rides bareback into Sweetwater. He pounds the door of the Sheriff’s house.
EXT/INT. SHERIFF’S HOUSE – NIGHT
A light comes on inside the house. The Sheriff (40is), weathered , whiskered face with scared arms and torso from bullets, walks with a slight limp, opens the door. Charles rushes in, rambling. He is shaken.
SHERIFF: Charles, what on earth?
Charles hyperventilates. His knees buckle. The Sheriff catches him and sits him in a kitchen chair.
CHARLES: People. At my place. The Inn.
The Sheriff surveys his body for tell-tale wounds.
SHERIFF: Are you hurt?
CHARLES: No they didn’t see me. I hid in the privy.
SHERIFF: How many people and what did they do?
CHARLES: I think three or four. Not sure. They searched the barnyard, the cattle pens and went inside with lights. Like they were lookin’ for somethin’.
SHERIFF: Son of a bitch! I was afraid somthin’ like this was gonna happen.
The Sheriff opens the bedroom door and speaks softly to his wife.
SHERIFF (cont.) Ethel, I gotta go give some bastards a new ass hole.
ETHEL: (from bedroom) It’s after midnight.
SHERIFF: Goin’ out to Kate’s Inn. This could be a helluva shit show. If I’m not back by daylight, you’ll know where to find me, dead or alive. Let’s go, Kid.
EXT. KATE’S INN – NIGHT
We see the shadow of two riders. They dismount at the corral fence and sneak up to the front of the inn.
SHERIFF: (whispers) You know how to shoot a pistol?
CHARLES: Yes Sir.
Sheriff hands him a Colt 44 caliber Scholdfield. The Sheriff loads his 44-40 lever action Winchester. The two crouch into the shadows. Lights flicker inside. The Sheriff rushes in with Charles following.
SHERIFF (Yells) Hands up! I am the Sheriff of Washakie County. I am armed and ready to shoot your thievin’ asses!
PHILLIP: Don’t shoot! Please. We are coming out.
The lights inside go out. One by one O’Connor, Brandy and Phillip emerge from the Inn with their hands held high.
SHERIFF: Line up and face me, you low lifes.
They line up, backs against the outside wall.
PHILLIP: Pardon me, Sheriff, but we are not low lifes.
SHERIFF: For cripes sake. Reverend?
Phillip hangs his head, ashamed.
PHILLIP: Whatever you want, we will comply. I loathe violence.
O’CONNOR: Speak for yourself, Reverend. I ain’t goin’ down without a fight.
BRANDY: Whoever backs down from a gun fight is a coward.
GARNET: James, please don’t threaten the Sheriff.
SHERIFF: Was this your idea, Brandy?
PHILLIP: It was a unanimous decision amongst the four of us.
SHRIFF: Then I have no choice but to arrest you.
PHILLIP: Who better to teach this county Kate didn’t have any money stashed out here.
O’CONNOR: I’m not going to be arrested for doin’ this kid a favor. Unappreciative little shit!
O’Connor goes for the gun in his hip holster. The Sheriff shoots it out of his hand. His hand bleeds. Garnet tears a piece of cloth from her petticoat and winds it around his hand.
SHERIFF: It’s time we all go back to town so Charles can have some peace and quiet. I gotta cuff one of you. Which one will be my sacrificial lamb?
BRANDY: Phillip.
INT. WASHAKIE COUNTY JAIL – DAY
Phillip lays on the cot behind bars. The Sheriff unlocks the cell.
SHERIFF: Come on out to eat your breakfast. We need to talk.
Phillip comes out of his cell, sits on a wooden bench and eats his beans and bread.
PHILLIP: What do we need to talk about? What I did was wrong. I must do my penance.
SHERIFF: Why does your sister hate you?
PHILLIP: Brandy?
SHERIFF: You have other sisters who reside in whore houses?
PHILLIP: Brandy is my only sister. She has always bent me to her will. I owe her a lot. Our mother prostituted herself and Brandy to acquire money to send me to ministerial college. I came home with a disease born of carnal knowledge of the woman I hoped to marry. I came home and sought treatment from a Cheyenne medicine woman. Brandy has never forgiven me. I have been unable to forgive myself.
SHERIFF: Where did you learn about Kate hiding money?
PHILLIP: From Brandy, I suspect.
SHERIFF: I suspect one person started all the rumors circulating around town. I have asked around and everyone seems to have heard it from the same person.
PHILLIP: Brandy.
SHERIFF: Kate’s son will never have any peace unless this is exposed for the lie it is.
PHILLIP: I don’t see Brandy confessing.
SHERIFF: I don’t either unless we force the issue. She needs to be taught a lesson.
EXT. STREET OF SWEETWATER – DAY
The Sheriff comes out of the front door onto the street. Phillip follows. Soon a crowd follows.
PERSON #1: You all know where that money is. How about sharing?
PERSON #2: Keepin’ it all for yourselves, ain’t ya?
PERSON #3: A Preacher and a Sheriff. If that don’t beat all.
EXT. YELLOW HOTEL – DAY
The Sheriff and Phillip enter the backyard. The girls’ laundry on the clothes line. Sheets flap in the breeze. Some scantily dressed girls scream and run inside. Others, out of curiosity, stay. Unabashed, Brandy greets her visitors.
BRANDY: Well, if this isn’t a site for sore eyes! To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?
SHERIFF: How about a lie?
BRANDY: What lie?
SHERIFF: The lie that has this whole town wagging their tongues.
BRANDY: If you want a liar, there’s one standin’ beside you.
SHERIFF: He has already confessed.
BRANDY: So he found the money? All by himself? I don’t believe it.
Toby stands beside Brandy. He senses trouble is brewing.
TOBY: Nobody disrespects my girls!
Brandy laughs, hauntingly.
BRANDY: I dare you to draw on Toby.
A gunshot rings out. Then return fire from Toby. The crowd person who drew his pistol stands, unharmed.
Toby’s bullet misses the Sheriff. It hits Phillip.
Phillip falls to the ground with a gut shot. He moans.
The Sheriff, Brandy and onlookers surround Phillip.
Brandy kneels and cradles Phillip’s head in her lap.
PHILLIP: Lord, please forgive me. Forgive Brand…
Phillip dies. Brandy is in shock.
SHERIFF: (to Brandy) Now are you happy?
-
Jack’s New Max Interest Scene – Lesson 25
LOGLINE: The police come to ask questions about the murder
ESSENCE: Philip is a traitor
SCENE:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
BRANDY (20’s) acts out an imaginary scene in front of PHILIP (20’s)
BRANDY
But officer, I had no idea the gun could go off by itself. (entertaining)
(to Philip)
I’ll get a million likes on Facebook! (status seeking)
(now serious)
I can’t believe they’re onto you, Philip. But don’t worry. I’ll protect you at all costs.
PHILIP
Just stick to the plan and we’ll be fine. There’s no way they’ll arrest a Collier. Our family founded this town. (sense of entitlement)
LATER
Brandy and Philip sit on the couch. Philip is visibly on edge (guilt ridden).
BRANDY
I don’t know if I can do this, Philip. What if they find out the truth?
PHILIP
(slyly)
Trust me, Brandy. We’ve come too far to turn back now. Remember, we have each other’s backs. (manipulative)
The doorbell rings, causing Philip to jump. (guilt ridden)
Philip takes a deep breath and opens the door to reveal two POLICE OFFICERS (40’s).
POLICE OFFICER #1
Good afternoon, sir. We’re here to ask you a few questions regarding the murder.
Philip puts on a facade of innocence.
PHILIP Of course, officers. Anything I can do to help. I’m just as shocked and appalled as everyone else. (polite)
POLICE OFFICER 2
Sir, you come with me.
He takes Philip into another room.
Police Officer 1 sits next to Brandy.
POLICE OFFICER 1
Brandy, we have evidence that says Philip assisted you with the murder.
BRANDY
Philip had nothing to do with it. He was out of town.
POLICE OFFICER 1
You are under arrest.
He handcuffs her.
Brandy’s eyes dart around the room as she formulates a response.
BRANDY (defiantly) I assure you, officer, I have no knowledge of any of this, except what I heard on the news. I am a law-abiding citizen.
INT. HOLDING CELL
Brandy sits alone in a dimly lit holding cell, her expression a mixture of fear and anger. Philip enters, a smug grin on his face.
BRANDY (furious) You set me up, Philip! How could you betray me like this?
PHILIP (chuckling) I’m a lawyer and you’re from the wrong side of town. (sense of entitlement)
Brandy’s eyes widen in realization as the truth sinks in.
INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
The scene shifts back to the Interrogating officer as he looks at a written report in disbelief.
POLICE OFFICER 1
(to himself)
It doesn’t add up. She couldn’t have done it.
FADE OUT.
-
Brenda Boddy – Q5 Scene
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – HOTEL
Gaggles of elegantly dressed MEN and WOMEN chat together, holding drinks, in groups that merge and flow as they visit.
PHILLIP (43), suit stretched to its limits over his paunch, stands with another guest, RYAN. The two laugh and talk, their eyes following one beautiful woman and then another, making it obvious what they are discussing.
Phillip leaves his companion and meanders across the room to BRANDY (21) strikingly eye catching in her form fitting dress and perfectly made-up face. She stands alone at the bar, sipping a cocktail.
PHILLIP
Enjoying the evening?
BRANDY
Taking a breather. Please don’t be mad. I’ll get back out and mingle.
Phillip nods at Ryan, who watches them, a big grin on his face.
PHILLIP
I feel bad for pushing you like this. You’ve entertained your share today.
(off Ryan’s questioning look)
Ryan really likes you. He asked me if I could introduce him.
BRANDY
You sound like I have a choice. I’m your best girl and you treat me no different than the others.
PHILLIP
Don’t be difficult. You know how nice I can be if things go my way.
BRANDY
I should be entitled to some down time. I’m already exhausted and it’s still early.
PHILLIP
I’m sorry. I get it. You were born with a tight ass, and I was born with money. I wouldn’t like it if our roles were reversed, but they aren’t. And right now, you aren’t making me more money, so go play nice with Ryan.
BRANDY
I could just walk out that door.
Phillip leans on the bar and sips his drink, his soft smile never breaking.
PHILLIP
Brandy, honey. You don’t want to end up at the bottom of the river. I give you a life of luxury and you make me rich. Now play nice with Ryan. I expect him to come back and tell me you’re the best fuck he’s ever had.
Brandy SIGHS. She leans back against the bar and thrusts her breasts out, slowly moving her torso from side to side. Ryan’s smile gets bigger. He moves their way.
BRANDY
(from the side of her mouth)
I deserve a medal for the disgusting crap I’ve spread my legs for.
The door bursts open and a horde of POLICE OFFICERS swarm in. They begin arresting all the women at the party.
OFFICER BARON approaches Brandy and Phillip. They turn Brandy and handcuff her.
OFFICER BARON
You’re under arrest for prostitution.
PHILLIP
Hey, you’ve got the wrong idea here. Brandy is my girlfriend. Tell him, honey.
BRANDY
You heard him. I’m his girl.
Officer Baron turns Phillip and handcuffs him also.
OFFICER BARON
I’m arresting you for kidnapping, prostituting women, and sexual slavery.
PHILLIP
That’s ridiculous. Tell him, Brandy. You’re here with me by choice. Right, baby?
Another officer approaches and Officer Baron pushes Phillip toward him.
OFFICER BARON
Take him to the car and read him his rights. We’ll deal with the women.
Officer Baron waits until Phillip is gone and then leads Brandy out a side door.
INT. SITTING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
OFFICER BARON
Are you okay?
He takes Brandy’s cuffs off. She reaches down her dress and pulls wires out.
BRANDY
I hope you got enough. I want that bastard to fry.
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