Lesson 26

[Michael Jones]

LOGLINE: Marcus tries misleading Carley from getting the artifact only to confront his feelings for her in the process.

ESSENCE: Fighting to kissing.

Note: I used apologetic in the sense of making a defence.

SCENE:

EXT. CARRIAGE – NIGHT

The moon beams onto the horse-drawn carriage bumping down a roughshod roadway, trees on both sides. Howling Wolves and a mysterious mist.

INT. CARRIAGE

CARLEY (30) slaps MARCUS (34) across the face, then follows it up with a return slap. Marcus takes her wrist before the next wave begins.

MARCUS

Easy, sweetheart. You’ll damage the lines. I worked hard to get ‘em.

Carley breaks her hands free.

CARLEY

Hey, I didn’t mean to…I just thought it’d be a different castle. I was really looking forward to…I’m sorry. Are you hurt?

MARCUS

Just my ego. Now, when we get there it is imperative, and I mean absolutely one-hundred percent imperative that you desist from any nightly exploration.

CARLEY

Or, I can just turn back.

MARCUS

We’re bound at least a week. But, by then, we will’ve found it. What are you afraid of? I thought this mattered to you.

CARLEY

I can jump out and walk back.

She moves to the door but Marcus lunges to stop her only to find a swift punch to the oblique settle him back down and practice his breathing exercises. He GASPS some inaudible words. Carley’s still at the door.

CARLEY

I’d say goodbye, but I guess you’re like a bad penny. I’m sorry, bat got your tongue?

Marcus controls his breathing as he holds his side.

MARCUS

Go ahead. Jump. A meal is a meal to a wolf, if that’s the only thing you chance to encounter.

She considers then slaps him again, this side on the other part of his face before sitting back down.

CARLEY

Didn’t want your face to be off balance.

MARCUS

Do that again, and—

Carley springs from her seat and tenderly takes his face in her hands.

CARLEY

(mocking)

Oh, darling, do you have a boo-boo?

Marcus pushes her back and makes himself a bigger.

MARCUS

Sit back and keep those Herculean paws at bay, doll.

CARLEY

What’s the point, Marcus?

MARCUS

You’re not seeing the big picture, Carley. I mean, can you fathom it? If we—no, when we find it…we…it’s what so many dream of, you know, to have and to hold.

Carley folds her arms and looks out the window. Not happy, but stuck and she knows it. Marcus sidles next to her.

MARCUS

We’re going to find it, Car. You, me, together.

CARLEY

If you start singin’ I’m gonna clobber you.

MARCUS

We’ll make the papers, be in books. Isn’t that what you want?

CARLEY

You’re so certain of yourself, aren’t you.

MARCUS

We get in, schmooze the fella for a week, humor the old bugger, then…

Marcus slips his arm around Carley.

MARCUS

Then you’ll get to be somewhere warm, somewhere fun, somewhere with someone. Somewhere…with me.

Marcus stares into her eyes and she elbows him and removes his arm. She looks at him. Gives him a real hard, long look.

CARLEY

You really are a piece—

Marcus kisses her. She wants this. She never felt how bad until now. She kisses back. He kisses her cheek. He kisses her neck. Carley moves her head back. Marcus opens his mouth wide and fangs descend as he moves in for another taste…

[Susan]

Hi Mike,

Just something to think about here. I don’t see Marcus rebutting/defending any “charges” like an apologist would. Maybe just scrap apologetic for the rewrite and stick in the trait that you want him to embody! 😉

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Susan McClaryu.

[Christi Falk]

Mike, I love this. You really have a flair for character voice! You can feel the period piece and the darkness of the trip.

Both are trapped in the time but both will be good for each other. Bravo!

[Christi Falk]

Sorry everyone. I’m so fried with work and Christmas I could barely get this one out. Probably doesn’t have half of the character traits but I’ll work on them better for the next pass.

Logline- Carley and Marcus have known each other for decades, and just now realization dawns.

Essence – Two widowers slowly realize they’re meant for each other.

Scene:

The Home

FADE IN:

SHADY PINES RETIREMENT HOME

Carley, 60s, petite, sat at a games table in the active nursing home games room across from Marcus, 60s, lumbering frame as he hunches over a Scrabble board. NURSES smiled knowingly at them as they passed by.

CARLEY

Are you sure there isn’t a timer on this game?

MARCUS

I have to see the board standing up is all.

Carley looks absentmindedly at the room as ELDERLY patients with walkers and wheelchairs ambled past.

MARCUS

What’s wrong with you?

CARLEY

Always the charmer.

MARCUS

Sorry, just the last time I saw you this distracted, you were trying to decide whether to marry Frank.

CARLEY

I did marry Frank.

MARCUS

I’m sorry, I’m just saying…

CARLEY

Just take your turn.

Marcus plunks down letters onto the board.

MARCUS

Fleury.

CARLEY

Not a word.

MARCUS

Is too. It’s flurry but in french.

CARLEY

No other languages.

MARCUS

Then what was Bistro?

Beat.

CARLEY

Fine.

MARCUS

Seriously, what’s wrong?

CARLEY

I have to move.

MARCUS

To a different chair?

CARLEY

A different home. Frank sold the house while he was still alive and we’ve been renting from the owner. I found the paperwork yesterday.

Marcus sits down and looks at her.

MARCUS

You never knew.

CARLEY

No, so now I have to ask the kids if they can help me buy back the house or maybe move in here.

She looks around the nursing home.

MARCUS

Frank didn’t tell you?

CARLEY

Do you have an I?

MARCUS

Go fish.

Carley takes the bag of tiles and sorts through them, looking for her letter.

CARLEY

I don’t think this is the proper way to play.

MARCUS

We’ve just made a better way.

CARLEY

I’m tired of this game.

MARCUS

You can have mine. I have 3.

CARLEY

How on earth?

MARCUS

You can never have too many I’s.

Exasperated, she takes a tile from him. She still considers the tiles on her holder.

MARCUS

I bought it.

CARLEY

Bought what?

MARCUS

The House.

CARLEY

You what? Why?

MARCUS

Frank and I had a deal. I would look after you when he was gone.

CARLEY

Is that what these stupid games days are about?

MARCUS

You didn’t want to go sailing.

CARLEY

Couldn’t afford it.

They stared at each other as a Nurse came by, dropping a floral arrangement on the table beside them. She then smiled and moved on again.

MARCUS

You never knew?

CARLEY

Of course not, Frank never told me!

MARCUS

No, I meant, I’ve been in love with you for 40 years. And I think you love me too.

Marcus picks up her hand and kisses it.

FADE OUT.

[Susan]

Hi Everyone,

I know this appears much longer than it is supposed to be, but I had an idea and since this was the last cycle, I wanted to see it through. Also, it is not really as long as it appears. I felt it was necessary to put in description and action to make the scene understandable. If I’m wrong, please let me know. Thanks

Susan McClary’s Maximum Interest QE Cycle #6

Logline: Marcus vies for Carley’s top spot on the cooking show… “The Afternoon Gourmet” during sweeps week but it doesn’t turn out as planned.

Essence: Live campfire cooking show in State Park Picnic area during sweeps weeks… what doesn’t go wrong?

Traits:

Carley changed from Caring to Food Theorist

Carley New Traits: Tough, Food Theorist, Distracting/Evasive, Polite

Marcus changed from Commanding to Stage Hog

Marcus New Traits: Strategic, Stage Hog, Imaginative, Apologetic

Scene: The Afternoon Gourmets

EXT: PICNIC AREA STATE PARK AUTUMN AFTERNOON

A cooking show, “The Afternoon Gourmet” is finishing setting up for a live outdoor camping cookout for sweeps weeks.

The crew place the outdoor over-fire grills on the two campfire setups and light them both up.

The area is surrounded by buckets of water and some of sand. There is a long hose attached to a water truck nearby as well, and several Forest Ranger Vehicles including one that could hold animals. The Rangers have stun guns, hand guns, rifles and belts with various types of ammunition including darts.

Ten State Forest Rangers are scattered around the area. The only other people there are the crew, the Producer/MACK, the Director/JAKE, and Marcus Farina’s Manager BEVERLY who is allowed to take photos (which will need Producer approval) for her publicity campaign for Marcus.

Makeup is prepping the two stars, CARLEY NIGHTINGALE (British) and MARCUS FARINA (American). His ARTIST is dirtying MARCUS’ nails. He is protesting.

MARCUS

(Apologetically, Strategically)

You know, no one will want to eat any food I cook if my fingernails look like this. Clean them now. And I don’t care what the Di-rector said, just do it. I’ll deal with him later.

MAKEUP ARTIST #1

(Stifling a laugh)

Yes Mr. Farina.

CARLEY is being made up to look like an outdoors woman. Dressed uncharacteristically in figure hugging designer jeans (like Re/Done or Veronica Beard) and a British flower print flannel shirt, she is incredibly uncomfortable but stunning.

CARLEY

(To Makeup Artist #2 in British Accent)

Would you please call over wardrobe Pet, these slacks are going up my you know what!

MAKEUP ARTIST #2

(Hiding her exasperation and giggles)

I’ll be right back

The Director and Producer walk over to the Stars and hunker between them.

JAKE PRODUCER

(Stage whispering)

You two, we need you ready for this. It’s live today… a two hour special out here in the wild. I know you are both prepared. I just want you to know the Rangers are here to keep the crowd away. And remember it’s sweeps weeks and we want to bring up those ratings!

JAKE walks away and stations himself by CAMERAMAN #1.

MACK DIRECTOR

(Encouragingly, but staring down Marcus)

Now try and get along today. I know you can BOTH be consummate professionals…

The DIRECTOR MACK kicks MARCUS’ chair pretending it is accidental.

MACK DIRECTOR (CONT’D)

if you want to be.

CARLEY rolls her eyes, bites her lip, and looks away from MARCUS.

MARCUS

(Explaining apologetically/Gaslighting)

You know I always try really hard to get every line right. I only want what’s best for the show. It’s difficult you know when you’ve studied at the Cordon Bleu to be thrust into a show with someone who is not up to the same gourmet level, and from Britain no less… they have the WORST food!

MACK DIRECTOR

(Seriously, knitting the fingers of both hands together as a guide)

We need our Stars to work together, if that is not possible then….

MACK saunters over to the Producer.

MACK DIRECTOR (CONT’D)

(Using a Megaphone)

Ready on the set. This is a 1 minute warning. Places everybody NOW! This is live people.

CARLEY and MARCUS rush over to the prep table to begin the shoot. CARLEY tries to pull the jeans out of her crotch as she goes. Every once in a while during this scene, when her lower half is off camera, she does the same thing.

MACK DIRECTOR

Three, Two, One, Action!

CARLEY

(Serenely not looking at Marcus perched right next to her)

Welcome to The Afternoon Gourmet, and to our two hour live special! We are out here in the wild in our beautiful State Park (pick one) with a set of Gourmet campfire recipes to tickle anyone’s fancy.

Carley sweeps her arms above the prep table.

CARLEY (CONT’D)

(Confidentially)

We will be making a scrummy gourmet feast straight out of India… For the main dish, Grilled Tandori Chicken Thighs. We’ll be using the darker juicier meat to keep it moist on the grill. We’ll also be cooking up Saffron Basmati Rice, Naan bread, Baby Greens and Cucumber Salad, with Honeyed Apple Pears for Dessert. Because we are campfire cooking we are using a few store bought bits and bobs… like condiments such as Mango Chutney. When buying these please make sure you buy an excellent brand. And as always you can find the recipes and quantities on our website. Shall we get going?

CARLEY pulls out two disposable cooking gloves from a box. MARCUS jumps upstage of CARLEY and stands in front of the prep table and CARLEY.

MARCUS

(Jokingly)

And I imagine you’ll be changing into a Saree before we sit down to…

MARCUS pushes down on the edge of the prep table and the bowl of Chicken Thighs tumbles down into the dirt.

MARCUS

(Apologetically like a cat)

eat? You know I meant to do that. Those Chicken thighs smelled off. It is extremely important that all your ingredients are really fresh to avoid food poisoning.

CARLEY points to the STEADICAM CAMERAMAN, then makes a follow me motion with her hand. She leads the viewers away from the mess so the crew can quickly clean up. She stops at her Van.

CARLEY

(Wearing her disposable gloves)

In Food Theory, knowing how to prepare in case of accidents,

which might occur more often in the wild, requires little mental effort. Consequently I brought extras.

CARLEY slides open the van door and sweeps her arms again showing a series of boxes and coolers inside. She grabs the one marked Chicken Thighs and begins the march back toward the prep table.

CARLEY stares down MARCUS off camera as she walks back toward the prep table.

As she walks MARCUS stares at her bum. His MANAGER BEVERLY tries to get to him, but is stopped by the PRODUCER JAKE who sticks his arm out like a railroad crossing gate. BEVERLY bumps right into it barely keeping her balance.

MACK DIRECTOR vanishes behind his vehicle and takes out two plastic containers, then creeps around to the wooded area behind the prep table. He really reaches, dumping out one container of ants, and another of grasshoppers right under the table.

MACK slinks back to JAKE.

MACK DIRECTOR

(Giving a Fist Bump)

Done!

JAKE PRODUCER rubs his hands together gleefully.

JAKE PRODUCER

Sweeps weeks here we come!

CARLEY arrives at the prep table placing the cold Stainless Steel Bowl of Chicken Thighs down. She looks back up at the camera.

CARLEY

(Glancing at Marcus)

Let’s get started with the marinade shall we?

MARCUS

(Changing his lines)

We will be using non-traditional spices for this recipe.

CARLEY

(Distracting, Smiling)

Codswallop! We have all of our traditional gourmet spices ready right here on the prep table.

As CAMERAMAN #1 pushes in on the tiny bowls of East Indian spices we see a larger bowl of honey covered in ants, and grasshoppers chomping on a large bowl of lettuce.

CARLEY

Oh my!

CARLEY takes a step back from the table.

MARCUS

(Looking at the Camera but Taunting Carley)

Well I guess that’s the end of the salad and desert! Too bad too, it sounded luscious. Well folks while the crew cleans this up Carley and I will have a little debate… Food Theory vs. Cordon Bleu gourmet cooking.

The crew comes in again and removes the honey and the salad and puts them several feet away from the table on the ground.

CARLEY

(Bravely)

It just so happens I have duplicates of the Honey and Lettuce in my Van as well, Marcus. And although I appreciate a chinwag as much as the next person, I’m sure our audience would prefer it, to get on with the actual cooking. So I am going to heat enough water for our rice in one pot.

CARLEY glides over to the stage left campfire carrying both pots. A stage hand has already placed a small folding table by the campfire for the measured ingredients, including water.

In another pot I am lightly toasting Cinnamon, Cardamom, Cloves and Peppercorn in Ghee… now I add the fragrant Basmati kernels toasting for just a moment… then stir in the hot water and cover. While the rice is cooking I will lightly toast pistachios which we will add in when the rice is done. I am setting a timer on my phone.

CARLEY pulls the frying pan of PISTACHIOS off the grill.

CARLEY (CONT’D)

Meanwhile let’s see how Marcus is doing with the marinade for the Tandoori Chicken thighs.

While CARLEY is on camera cooking, MARCUS takes one of the buckets of water and poses it precariously on the rocks surrounding his campfire so it will spill on the fire where the Grilled Tandoori Chicken is supposed to be made.

CARLEY looks over at MARCUS who dashes back to the prep table behind and stage right to CARLEY and her campfire.

Suddenly the bucket of water crashes onto the fire and puts it out.

MARCUS

(Rationalizing)

Oh well, I guess we’ll be doing a vegetarian cookout this afternoon. Too bad we couldn’t taste that amazing BRITISH Tandoori recipe of yours. It sounds mouthwatering!

CARLEY walks over to MARCUS cheerfully.

CARLEY

(Politely but sarcastically)

How unlike the God of War to put out a fire!

CARLEY fixes MARCUS’ collar.

CARLEY

(To the camera)

He’s just pulling your leg. Of course we can grill the Tandoori Chicken. There’s plenty of room on the other grill, and if all else fails I do have a portable charcoal grill and baguettes…

MARCUS

(Interrupting her)

In your Van! OK then, I have already cut slices along the Chicken Thighs to make it easier for the first marinade to soak in.

MARCUS points to the marinating Chicken Thighs.

I am mixing the thick Yogurt with more spices for the second marinade which will coat and remain on the chicken while grilling.

Unbeknownst to anyone on the set a young black bear, known to the Rangers as CHARLIE, is hiding in the wooded area behind the prep table. We can see him. He can smell the honey and is getting ready to get some. He is the real reason so many Rangers are there. CHARLIE crashes cookouts at the park on a regular basis.

Suddenly CHARLIE makes a dash for the honey. He is really close to MARCUS and CARLEY. CHARLIE grabs the bowl and stands up.

CARLEY

(Whispering, Terrified)

What do we do now?

MARCUS

(Hamming it up)

Don’t worry Kahuna, I got this.

MARCUS boldly uses his body to shield CARLEY.

BEVERLY tries to run to MARCUS again but is stopped in her tracks by JAKE PRODUCER.

JAKE PRODUCER

You’re not even insured Beverly.

Several of the Rangers tiptoe over, and motion for MARCUS and CARLEY to move away.

MARCUS puts his arms around CARLEY and they slowly move toward her VAN.

All three CAMERAMEN are taping the Rangers and the Bear.

JAKE PRODUCER

(Whispering happily)

Why didn’t we think of this?

MACK DIRECTOR

So much better than bugs!

RANGER # 1

(Softly)

Hello there Charlie. You’re out of bounds boy.

CHARLIE BEAR looks up and GROWLS, there is no way he is letting go of this treat.

CARLEY’S phone timer goes off, she mutes it immediately, but there is nothing she can do to save the rice. She can’t move.

RANGERS # 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 have their rifles up and are ready to shoot Charlie with tranquilizers. The other four are opening the back of the Ranger Animal Rescue Vehicle and quietly dragging out a rescue frame.

The lead Ranger nods to RANGER # 3 who has the best shot. He takes it, and CHARLIE plops down on his butt with his back against a tree. He is boosted onto the rescue frame, gently restrained and carried to the RESCUE VEHICLE by at least 6 Rangers. They slide him in.

RANGER # 1

(Calming)

OK everyone, we’re going to drive Charlie deep into the mountains. He won’t be back anytime today.

CARLEY bolts to the rice. She throws on some MITTS and checks it. It’s burnt to the bottom of the pot. The STEADICAM CAMERAMAN follows her.

CARLEY looks up at the camera determined.

MACK DIRECTOR executes a ‘keep going’ rolling motion to CARLEY with his arms.

CARLEY

(Brushing off the distress from her clothes)

Even though it is burnt to the bottom of the pot, the wonderful aroma of the spiced rice is filling the air around us, urging us on to finish our gourmet cookout. Let’s blow off some steam and make a batch of Naan.

MARCUS follows CARLEY to the prep table. The flour and other ingredients are sitting there all measured out into bowls.

MARCUS

(Apologetically)

You know I have to do this.

MARCUS grabs a handful of flour and douses CARLEY with it.

CARLEY opens the rice pot and throws a fistful of sticky rice at MARCUS, following up with some flour.

MARCUS

(Pacing himself)

I went to the Cordon Bleu! You’re from England. England has THE WORST food in the world. I should be top Chef!

CARLEY

(Gathering her strength)

Well don’t you just take the biscuit! You’re a sandwich short of a picnic! I was in the same class, you never even noticed me! I was number one.

MARCUS GASPS. His face lights up with a memory.

MARCUS

(Excitedly)

You were the only one who could make Consomme perfectly! Head of the class. I remember you now. You were a Frump.

CARLEY reaches for a container of sliced pears. She dumps it on MARCUS’ head, then throws more flour on for good measure.

CARLEY

(Grinning)

Now we can bake you.

MARCUS reaches for her and grabs her ass. CARLEY reaches for him. They embrace and kiss passionately as if they’re going to swallow each other up.

BEVERLY

(Despairingly, screaming)

Marcus Farina, how dare you!

JAKE PRODUCER and MACK DIRECTOR stare at CARLEY AND MARCUS and then turn to each other.

JAKE PRODUCER

(Cheerfully)

We can rename the show… how about The Saucy Gourmets.

MACK DIRECTOR

(Just as happily)

I like it… or, The HUNGRY Gourmets, oh… The Afternoon Delight Gourmets.

JAKE PRODUCER

(Fist bumping Mack)

Or Food Love In The Afternoon.

MACK DIRECTOR

(Shaking his head)

That’s what happens when you study cooking in France.

They both laugh out loud.

FADE OUT.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Susan McClaryu. Reason: Added note to classmates

[Christi Falk]

Hi Susan, this is awesome! I think you’ve added a new reality genre!

[Michael Jones]

Hi Susan, you did a fantastic job exposing those traits, and kudos to changing them. It fits the scene. It reminds me of the purpose of this class: that there’s never just one way to write a scene. So much creativity, including the twist with the bear, Charlie (who has a Winnie-the-Pooh thing going for him), and the the cooking duos secret admiration and attraction that comes through after all the back and forth. Carley’s tough; Marcus definitely a ‘Stage Hog.”

Creative work, Susan. It has been wonderful to learn from you and Christi throughout this course.

[Danielle Dillard]

Logline: A longtime couple must face settling down.
Essence: Marcus must convince Carley that he's truly ready for marriage.
Scene:
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – NIGHT
The fair is brightly lit with rides, game booths and food stands. FAMILIES, TEENS, KIDS, COUPLES enjoy this big playground.

CAROUSEL – CONTINUOUS

CARLEY, beautiful and late 40s, sits on a bench on a spinning carousel ride. She's on her cell phone. She's in a nice business suit, looking like she just got off of work.

The only other people on the carousel are an ELDERLY COUPLE sitting on a bench a few feet away.

CARLEY
(on her cell phone)
I'm done! I'M SO DONE!

MALE VOICE
(on speaker phone)
You're not listening!

CARLEY
I've heard enough! I've heard it for over twenty-five years!

MALE VOICE
That's because I wasn't ready!

CARLEY
You're fifty! If you're not ready now then we shouldn't be together!

Carley hangs up. The carousel slows down and comes to a stop. Carley, upset, remains sitting. The Elderly Couple remain sitting too and hold hands.

MARCUS, handsome and physically fit, sits next to Carley. He wears an expensive suit. Carley is shocked and pissed but maintains her composure. He snickers.

MARCUS
Think you can hang up on me and I won't find you? I knew you'd be here.

Carley ignores him. The carousel starts to spin.

MARCUS
So as I was saying before you hung up, I wasn't ready –

CARLEY
To settle down. You don't have to keep telling me.

MARCUS
Just listen.

CARLEY
Got me stuck to your ass for over twenty-five years. We could've had a grown child by now. Got me hanging on and waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Got me sick and crying. Should've bounced when you were hooking up with Monica.

MARCUS
Whoa, Monica?! You gonna bring up Monica? That was back in ninety-five, Carley. I took that chick to Fatburger and that was it. And we were broken up back then. Besides you were rollin' with Roger!

CARLEY
Roger wanted to marry me! But I was stupid for going back to you thinking you were gonna change. Always promising that we were gonna get married. You broke your promise!

Marcus giggles.

MARCUS
You still love me?

Carley hesitates. She's tongue tied.

MARCUS
Do you still love me?

Carley starts to cry.

CARLEY
I can't anymore, Marcus. I can't. All the years I've waited –

MARCUS
That's the past. I'm asking you now in the present… do you still love me?

Frustrated, Carley buries her head in her lap for a few seconds. When she raises back up, she sees a beautiful diamond ring in a plush velvet box in Marcus's hand. She gasps.

MARCUS
Carley Rose Valentine, I was scared but I'm ready now. Will you marry me?

She's speechless. A beat. Finally…

CARLEY
We will.

MARCUS
(confused)
We?

Carley nervously looks away. He gets it.

MARCUS
You're…

Carley nods.

MARCUS
How long?

CARLEY
Almost two months. The doctor says it's a high risk pregnancy since I'm forty-nine, but she also said I'm very healthy.

Marcus is amazed. He puts the ring on her finger.

CARLEY
Are you sure you're ready for this?

MARCUS
It's time we seal the deal.

CARLEY
Been time. And, yes, I still love you.

They kiss. The Elderly Couple kiss too as the carousel continues to spin.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Danielle Dillard.

[Susan]

Hi Danielle, wonderful scene. I can’t comment on if it checks all the boxes because I don’t remember what they were supposed to be! Good work.

[Danielle Dillard]

Thank you Susan, and your piece was well done! It had me laughing, great work!

[Susan]

Thank you Danielle.