Lesson 3

[Audrey Gomes]

Audrey Puts Essence to Work

Title of Script: In African Arms

What I’ve Learned: Is to work at getting to the core of the scene and clearly express what the characters are saying. I see that weak dialogue moves the scene nowhere. I’m taking an objective look at this script. And I’m going to rework it entirely. The concept is good, but the depth of these characters needs developing. These are the scenes I’ve begun revising.

1. Scene Location: INT. New York Penthouse

Logline: A behavior scientist reluctantly arrives at a lavish party held by her philanthropic friend.

Essence: I discovered: It’s really a fundraiser and her friend who orchestrates a “chance meeting” where the scientist gets derailed by an adversary.

New Logline: A behavior scientist stands up power and money in the pharmaceutical industry and speaks out about the misuse of drugs on children.

2. Scene Location: INT. New York Apartment

Logline: Father comes home from work to find his two teenage daughters totally engrossed in their own worlds.

Essence: I discovered that a husband and two teenage daughters have grown wearily accustomed to the absence of a wife and mother.

New Logline: For hardworking parents with children, success comes with a price.

3. Scene Location: INT. New York Penthouse

Logline: In spite of the scientist railing against the misuse of drugs by the drug industry, she’s offered the opportunity of a lifetime.

Essence: What I discovered is that her clear and measured response doesn’t burn a bridge.

New Logline: You can walk away from the right opportunity if it’s coming from the wrong source.

4. Scene Location: African Orphanage

Logline: A behavior therapist discovers the limited therapeutic resources available while treating deeply traumatize children.

Essence: What I discovered was the therapist faces her deepest inner fear… that is failure.

New Logline: A behavior therapist discovers her advocacy for restricted drug use in children is now put to the test, as she struggles to treat them.

5. Location: African Orphanage Grounds

Logline: A behavior therapist lets her guard down and a child experience ”expressive aphasia”.. the little girl screams but<font face=”inherit”> can make no sound. </font>

What I discovered is the behavior therapist must dig deep to find answers to questions she’d never faced.

New Logline: A behavior therapist realizes now amount of formal training can prepare you for what you’ve never encountered.

[Laurie Stoner]

Title: Laurie Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that extreme traits make a character more interesting because they make extreme choices and take extreme actions which not only ups their subtext but the audience’s interest level… and it takes a lot of planning and rewriting to get these traits to show up in everything they say and do.

Person 1 – brilliant, charming, grandiose, manipulative

Person 2 – vibrant, ambitious, narcissistic, stubborn

Person 3 – vivacious, flirtatious, lying, scheming

[Audrey Gomes]

Audrey: Deep Into Character

What I’ve learned: Person 3 embodies the traits of my main character. This is a breakthrough for me. I think I can develop her more deeply now having a definite starting point.

Character traits: Person 1

Tactless

Hurtful

Gives freely expecting something in return.

Can’t keep a secret.

Character traits: Person 2

Inflammatorily ignorant

Lacks solid reasoning skills.

Very Intelligent

So kind he connects with homeless people.

Character traits: Person 3

Expects nothing in return.

Strong on the outside, but fragile inside.

Head strong and doesn’t give up easily.

Once broken-down, hard to find their way back.

[Tim Adeney]

Hi Cheryl/Hal,

Not sure if there is a place we can ask questions??

I like what Audrey has done with her character traits – a little more descriptive and possibly that provides a more detailed character profile, rather than the one word sometimes. So, I know someone is insecure, but it manifests in a particular context; should I name that context, a bit like Audrey has done? Is that limiting? Is there a drawback to being too specific?

Thanks.

Andrew

[Tim Adeney]

Andrew Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that a small adjustment to a trait can elevate a character, and therefore story.

PERSON 1

Confident/Narcissist

Competent

Coward

Bully

PERSON 2

Considerate

Easy-going

Ambitious

Non-confrontational/avoider

PERSON 3

Ambitious

Insecure / [terrified]

Compassionate

Unsubtle / black and white

[Jennifer O’Brien]

Jennifer O’Brien Profiles People (note I got into sharing personal details in this lesson as I’ve applied it to the interesting characters in real life that I’ve been able to apply this lesson to.)

What I learned that is improving my writing is that when I hone in on an extreme trait of one of my characters, in this case the role of the father, the other character(s) naturally need to adjust and this arouses in them an adjustment in their reaction and dialogue. Already I can see the difference and it is much more tangible to see the tensions between them increase. The scene is improved by the rise in the “range” of the behaviors and I see an increase in it being more interesting and engaging as well as more fun and interesting to write.

Person 1:

Extreme Traits

Emotional/moody

Highly analytical

Normal Traits:

Highly Intelligent

Devoted

Interacted with this person and recognized immediately that they were very upset and once we began talking, they burst into tears. We were outside in a public setting. They were in need of releasing their emotions and also had a desperate need to discuss their feelings and situation that was causing them upset. While sitting with them I began to have a recall of a similar situation in my life that brought me similar feelings in the past. I began to shift into my own awareness of this experience and when I began to share it with them, instead of receiving compassion and listening ears, they used it as a way of “deflecting” off of their own dramatic emotional state that they arrived with, and suggested that I get a therapist. This is a person who needs to talk to people to work through their issues and regularly goes for therapy. Instead of hearing how someone else has faced a similar situation and survived it, it was unwelcome and I was directed to go elsewhere to talk to anyone else but them. They were locked into their own mind and self-analysis only interested in analyzing their situation and feelings, no interest in hearing mine to get a perspective that is beyond their own. I left feeling that it had been yet another one-way conversation with this person which is often the case.

_________________________

Person 2:

Extreme Traits:

Controlling

Egocentric

Normal Traits:

Generous

Industrious

Recently I had a discussion with this person over their health issues. It came to my mind that perhaps acupuncture might help as I’ve had acupuncture and believe it helped. I sent an e-mail with a few locations that I was aware of near where they work and hoped that they might follow up with the idea. It came up yesterday in conversation with them that they had indeed followed up. They announced that they had a first session and I could see them “puff up” with pride that they were now seeing a woman who has her Masters Degree in acupuncture and Chinese medicine. It struck me that this person was on the list that I sent them through e-mail the week before. I’m delighted that they’re now getting help however, I couldn’t help but note per our conversation, that my advice and help was not acknowledge at all. No “thank you” for suggesting or “thank you it has helped me take a step”, or “thanks so much for the list, I found someone fantastic that I’m going to now!”. Nothing. Somehow, my research and help that I took the trouble to do for them, was completely “erased” from their memory and it was all and only about what “they were doing” and my helping and compassionate hand were not worthy of remembering of comment.

________________________

Person 3:

Extreme Traits:

Evasive / illusive

Calculating

Indecisive (factors in)

Normal Traits:

Thoughtful

Enjoys having fun

I have known this person for about 32 years. We used to live in the same city close to one another and have shared many memories with them when we lived close by and after we moved visiting the area over the years. We’ve noticed that this person has become more and more what I would call evasive / illusive. Indecision often created for this person a “stuckness” and it is to be noted that they are very into their “routine” and seldom deviate from that routine and responsibilities go with it.

What we have clearly experienced in the last few years is that they only reach out to us when they want something from us. They rarely reply to text messages and e-mails. Send photos of themselves and give “social updates”, yet do not make themselves available to be real friends. We believe now that they “fein” close friendship. Beautifully wrapped gifts are sent every holiday that only now remind us of how close we “used to be”. Responses to our initiatives and plans to get together are consciously or unconsciously put to the side until later and later gets later and later. However, if someone is dying or dies, then a visit to us is eagerly required and sought. We are the first people they reach out to visit when something tragic in their lives is going on and they need love and support.

The other day I received an e-mail from their workplace that was sent to me by mistake. Suddenly I heard from her seemingly “out of the blue” yet I knew full well that it was only because she had to get me to “delete” the e-mail to protect herself at work as it was considered confidential. The e-mail was bubbly and friendly and I was told “Sorry for sending this e-mail” and that “I could delete the e-mail.” She ended the message saying “it is a good excuse to make contact and we should get together soon for a phone chat” and asked me when it would be a good time.

I decided (knowing that she would only be evasive and illusive) to follow up via text soon after to test out her sincerity. I let her know that my schedule and gave her some times slots for the next day which was a Sunday knowing she would be free and not at work.

The result of this contact was predictable given her extreme traits. No reply to let me know if she was or was not available the next day with an attempt to find a better time. She is unabashedly “evasive” and the “friendly initiative” to have a phone call to catch up was only a lame attempt at keeping her ties to us “at the ready” in case she needs a sudden trip for to cure her boredom or moment of relief and support during a crisis.

[Mark Furney]

Lesson 3: Mark profiles for core traits

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that focus upon a character’s core traits helps you make better choices in how to present that character to the reader (audience). An unclear focus on the core traits results in a muddled character, one the reader is not sure how they are to feel about as the character travels through the story. The reader has to “see” that the choices the character makes are realistic based on that character’s core traits. In examining the three people in this exercise, I found that indeed there’s a bit of duality in the extreme traits in these folks. Like, there’s a countervailing side to both the good and the bad in many.

Person 1

Charming. Always on point in trying to charm people.

Outwardly and usually ostentatiously generous. Quick to give a gift, bring the most food to a party, etc.

Scheming (dishonest)

Manipulative (always working an angle).

Person 2

Ambitious (always advancing; working for the better job, position)

Intelligent (but in fact appears humble about it)

Insecure (which I believe causes overcompensation in the ambition department)

Judgmental of other’s shortcomings (but it’s subtle; he’s good at hiding the judgmental nature)

Person 3

Loud (in appearance, vocally, choice of art and decoration – all evidence of a craving to be noticed).

Stubborn (shows a real need to prove she’s got the right answers).

Insecure (because of severe dyslexia; an inability to read)

Giving (but giving to an extreme. She’ll give someone the shirt off her back).

[Audrey Gomes]

I think Mark’s description of Person 3 is so vivid, I can clearly see him. In fact, I think I know this guy!

[Bill]

Lesson 3 Deep into Your Characters

Title: Bill Southwell Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that characters must be true to their traits because that is what makes them distinct. Also, a gradient change in them will be evident as subtle changes in these traits occur in their journey.

Person 1. He is loud and makes all the girls laugh which makes him feel popular, and he is quite funny. However, he will secretly steel and shoplift. His traits are: Charming, Humorous, Selfish, Deceptive.

Person 2. She is impulsive, filling the shopping chart with what appeals to her at the moment. She has many projects going at one time but seldom able to finish any. Yet she is generous and the first to offer assistance to the poor and needy. Her traits are: Impulsive, Enthusiastic, Happy, Generous.

Person 3. This person is an artist with meticulous skills, a perfectionist that will spend hours to get things just right in his projects. He also has little patience for those who fail to perform as well as he can. He is not a good listener. His traits are: Artist, Achiever, Impatient, Non-social.

[Hilton Garrett]

Hilton Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to understand that a person’s traits manifest in almost all their speech and action, and therefore to write dialog and action directly from their traits.

Person 1: Friendly, Needy, Narcissistic, Unaware of how others see him

This person regularly posts insignificant life events as though he just won the Boston Marathon or something, and we should all jump up and down and clap for him. He wants to be recognized as important and special. He is kind and generous with his time but almost always with a hidden hook. A conversation with him is always friendly, but with an undercurrent of needing to be recognized for his “greatness”.

Person 2: Charming, Worldly, Legalistic, Disloyal

Person 2 is from an old-money Atlanta family. Person 2 embodies the grace and ease of inherited social status, along with an assumed superiority over others which allows him to do hurtful things with no apparent regard for the other simply because he is entitled. He is a lawyer who sues his “friends” who have “wronged him”, rather than working out his complaint in a face-to-face and congenial manner. He shows up the same way all the time, with a smile and a kind word, and then drops a lawsuit on a friend for his perceived wrongdoing.

Person 3: Skilled, Competent, Friendly, Racist

Person 3 is one of the most capable people I know. He is excellent at his job, thoughtful and able to see solutions. He is friendly and socially prominent. He is also an out-and-out racist. This does not always appear but when something comes up – such as going to a cigar bar (our old one closed) owned by two Black men, and frequented by other Blacks (mainly stylish and successful folks) he won’t go because he intensely dislikes Black people. That trait is not likely to change.

[Shelley darling]

Title: Shelley Profiles People

What I’ve learned is that I initially thought this was easy, then realized that, being an optimist and believing in people’s potential, I have not wanted to see people’s negative traits. I had to look at lists of traits to go deeper. This has already helped me personally and will help define our characters in a powerful way!

Person number 1

cheerful

sensual

Worthlessness

hard-headed

Person number 2

Persevering

hard-working

Dogmatic

Stubborn

Person number three

Compassionate

empathetic

self-critical

avoids conflict

Person number four

Outgoing

Chatterbox

superficial

Gossiper

All have proven true to form:)

[Tim Adeney]

Hi Shelley,

I hope you don’t mind me commenting – I hope it’s helpful. I’m reading everyone’s contributions because I need help in this area also. I notice with some of your profiles that you’re too kind, too positive 🙂 Now that’s a great thing in life, I believe. But I remember doing something with Hal some years ago about how to give ‘nice’ characters subtext. I can’t remember the details – I’d have to dig it up.

Anyway, I observe, for example, that person 2 really only has two traits: persevering/hardworking & dogmatic/stubborn; person 4 arguably has only one trait, maybe two, in that they’re all pretty similar.

Of course, I could be wrong – you may have stronger distinctions in your mind between these traits than I do.

I trust I’m not overstepping my place and that you find this helpful.

[Shelley darling]

Hi Andrew,

Nice to meet you.

Your taking the time to share your thoughts is appreciated. I can use help in this area, and as some of these are characters in the movie, being it’s a true story, inviting me to look deeper is great. I will look tomorrow and see if I can lean into this. Thank you- and if you find any helpful information from Hal-that would be great.

Thanks again—😊

[Madeleine Gentinetta]

Madeleine Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that looking around me, there are many examples of complex personalities who can give inspiring insights into character development.

Person 1

Charming

Adventurous

Profiting

Lying

Person 2

Funny

Generous

Naive

Dropout (never finish something)

Person 3

Accomplisher

Down to earth

Visionary

Slightly autistic

[Lynn Lynn Heggen]

Lynn Heggen Profiles People

What I have learned is to dig deep into each character and to learn their traits as a fully developed person. Each person has a light and a dark side. Learning the traits of my characters can elevate my writing.

PERSON 1

Insecure

Bully

Victim

Compulsive

PERSON 2

Narcissist

Entitled

Insecure

Tone Deaf

Loving

PERSON 3

Enthusiastic

Wise

Giving

Insecure

[James Landers]

ASSIGNMENT

Deep Into Character – James Landers

What I’ve learned from this assignment is that all characters should have good and bad traits–this is what makes them interesting to the reader. Furthermore, each of the people I described in this exercise could be cast either as a villain or a hero depending on which of their traits gets the most emphasis by the story teller. For that matter, any of them could be any sort of supporting character, too.

Select three EXTREME people
in your life. At least one of them should
be someone you really like. At least one of them should be someone you
don’t like and make a list of their CORE traits. You’re not looking to know every
single thing about them. You want to get to the heart of who they are —
and with extreme people, that is easier to do. <div>

Sam–

Hard working
Gregarious, kind
Domineering
Cruel

Dan P–

Intense, driven
Intelligent
Loses control
Unreliable

Rick–

Kind, Intense, Sensitive, Bi-polar (extreme), Fragile

Interact with them, knowing
their traits, and see if they respond in a way that is consistent with those traits.
Post the results of your
testing and how their traits stayed the same or changed.

Sam invests time in his kids and loves them, but he also creates strict rules for them and enforces the rules without flexibility and resolves conflicts with his teenagers by intimidating them with his dominating personality. Before marrying the Hell-Bitch, he went clubbing at clubs popular with LGBT people, as well as straights, and he had friends in the LGBT community. However, after marrying the Hell-Bitch, he became a MAGA Republican and wanted his kids to go to private schools with fewer minorities. He works long, long hours, but manages to make time to get to his kids’ games. Conversely, he’s cheap about investing in their activities. He is overtly cruel to his ex-wife, even though she is a conflict-avoider and tries hard to co-parent with him.

Dan P was a co-worker and best friend for many years. Dan was the best ad salesman I ever knew—articulate, driven, intense. He had the ability to engage clients, friends, and enemies in conversations about business, philosophy, morality and more. He often dominated the conversations, especially in a sales situation, but seldom offended his audience because he was so earnest and because the conversation was so engaging. He was self-educated and well read. In his hey-day, he was also interesting to engage with, but that began to change as he had more success and moved into management. Then he became prone to lecturing, not listening, and began to sound more like a cable news personality—quick with opinions, less interested in considering other points of view. His intensity was fed by conflicts in his personal life, and when one of those conflicts—his marriage—exploded, so did his world. He drank too much, and his intensity in conversation and debate became more unhinged and one sided. He was a nice enough man, but he was no longer a reliable friend or employee—something that had been foreshadowed in our friendship when he twice cancelled expensive fishing trips at the very last minute because he wanted to do something else.

Rick is a very talented actor, director, scriptwriter, and journalist. As a young man, he tended to be loud, cocky and flamboyant but much of that was powered by a manic-depressive personality disorder that became evident as he aged. As a young man, he tried to do the right thing for friends and family, but often failed at relationships during bouts of depression. As a middle-aged man with clinical bi-polar disease, he craves family and friend ties, rejoices when he’s able to do something for someone. He supports himself as a free lance writer, and has also written several screenplay scripts that have won minor awards. Conversely, when he cycles into depression he has trouble working for even an hour some days, and had periods of blackouts, where he suddenly finds himself in a place and has no memory of how he got there or why he went there (like the hero in Memento). Before he entered counseling, he went through several wives, blaming each failure on the crazy woman he married. During courtship he was kind and charming and indulgent. In his youth and young adulthood, he changed his name legally several times, as if the name would project the glamorous image he craved. When his bipolar condition cratered, he also created fake biographies of his life that spoke of cruel parents and an oppressed childhood which was the opposite of reality. Today, after years of therapy, he manages his disease much better, but he still believes he’s crazy because he was intimidated and manipulated by his mother. As a result, he can’t be in the same room with her, and his stories about his childhood are wildly unreliable. Rick is still so emotionally fragile that his recounting of emotional incidents is often unreliable.

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