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Lesson 3
Reply to post your assignment.
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34 Replies
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Bob Zaslow’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment was that looking at the notions of how ‘Old Ways’ transform into ‘New Ways’ is a powerful method to help me ground my play. It’s got a built-in ‘Hero’s Journey’ wrapped into it. The same applies to writing a succinct log line. Both devices keep me from lapsing into tangents that don’t service the story spine. In the past, when I’d just become inspired and write by the seat of my pant, everything might go great….for three or four pages…and then reality would set in and I’d be stuck.
Log line- Malvolio, a condescending, narcissistic steward to Lady Olivia (in Shakespeare’s comedy, <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Twelfth Night) is driven by blind revenge to pay back the four characters who did him wrong and humiliated him, until one of his acts of revenge goes too far and he actually feels remorse, finally discovering he is freer and happier dropping his pretense and seeing all people as equals.
Malvolio’s Old Ways- putting down almost everyone with epithets and witty remarks about why they are a scourge upon the earth or a wasted excuse for life or a drunken nobody. On the other hand, he was super-condescending to his mistress, Lady Olivia, who could open doors to fame and fortune if he played his cards right.
Malvolio’s New Ways- once he realizes his old ways are harmful and drops his vendettas, he befriends his former enemies and toasts to their health at the local pub. He even takes on a protege and works with him to pass on his understanding of how to be a good steward. And now, rather than continually boast of his accomplishments, he volunteers to help the less fortunate. He stops his gold-digging and is even happy for Lady Olivia and her new husband. For the first time in years, he feels truly happy.
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Thanks for the positivity. I just watched “The Banshees of Inisherin”. It’s up for Best Picture at the Oscars. It’s described as a black comedy. It’s bleak.
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Joan- I also recently watched “The Banshees of Inisherin,” and agree with your description as it being less a black comedy a more a bleak comedy. For me, it took the notion of cutting off your nose to spite your face way over the edge.
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I agree. A bleak revenge story where nobody wins. A man who plays the fiddle cuts off all his fingers and one of his fingers kills his former friend’s pet goat. Seriously…
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I learned there are multiple ways to write a logline. This way works best for me.
This is a break-through because I have a file full of advice on how to write a logline. Each source says something different and she/he is adamant that she/he knows the correct way.
(The same goes for how to write a query letter and how to do a pitch.)
Logline:
A guilt-ridden counselor must deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse to atone for her mother’s death.
Or
A guilt-ridden counselor must atone for her mother’s death by deprogramming a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse.
Old Way:
The counselor believes she caused her mother’s death because:
1. she forced her mother to leave a transition house and return home where she was killed by her abusive husband.
2. she did not intervene while he kicked her mother to death.
New Way:
The counselor believes her father was responsible for her mother’s death because:
1. he created the traumatic bonds that made the counselor need to return home.
2. at age 8, the counselor could not keep him from killing her mother.
3. he was the one who kicked her mother to death.
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Really like how this is developing.
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This message is for Marilynne and Bob. I have taken a number of these courses and I think this is the first time the participants have made so many positive comments. This is super! I will try to follow your lead.
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Cheryl-
I find I cannot type my answer into Word and then copy and paste it into this space. Is it just my machine or can you make that option available?
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Bob, I just type mine into notepad or notepad++ and then copy and paste. Then I fix the spacing in the forum form. For what it’s worth.
Word has mark up language that messes it all up.
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Thank you, Chris. I’ll try Notepad.
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Hi Bob, it could be a browser issue. I have found that the copy and paste does not work for me in Chrome, but does work for me in Safari 😁
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Thank you. I’ll try it.
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The Transformational Journey for Rotary Phone’s Judge Ken by Chris Confer
What I learned doing this assignment is I might be working in the wrong genre with my script called Rotary Phone to make it form to the Profound Model. It might be possible to make it work which is why I am on this screenwriting journey.
Problem State: Judge Ken is a revenge seeking circuit court judge handing out bizarre sentences with rotary cell phones and doing vigilante justice to boot with Judge Jason.
Old Ways:
-Angry about his wife’s death by a distracted texting driver. Very angry.
-Vengeful
-Wanting to correct society’s decline somehow.
-Creative solution rotary cell phones with no screens.
New Ways:
-Starting to think star chamber / vigilante justice is wrong.
-Compassion for the Mayhem Candidates because they are victims of brainwashing by the SVR(KGB).
-Might betray his friend Judge Jason to correct his vigilantism.
-Starting to love life again instead of being angry and vengeful all the time.
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<div>Steve McChesney’s Transformation Journey</div>
What I learned from this assignment.
What I learned doing this assignment is that the more I can whittle my logline, the more I can see sharply what the story is and understand the character’s journey. It keeps me from getting lured off the path by stray ideas and lost in the thicket. Also, it helps to define the character by describing his Old Ways and contrasting them to New Ways. I don’t think this is complete or clear, by any means, but it is a lot cleared than it was a few hours ago.
Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.
In a suburban garden on one long summer day, a solitary, suicidally heart-broken, creatively strangled young artist can’t finish the canvas that will launch his career until the unlikely intervention of two carefree woodcutters rekindles his creative spirit, allowing him to complete his great work, secure his career, and reopen his heart to new love and life.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.
Stewing in solitary misery and artistically barren; unable to paint; friendless, stuck in haunted past of romantic catastrophe and aborted marital engagement; unsuccessfully suicidal, prickly antisocial, resigned to failure of artistic vocation–about to go to law school, of all things–and resigned to life without love/marriage/romance
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tell us what you see as the New Ways.
Basking in communal joy and creative fertility; he learns to channel emotion and life into his art. He lets others into his life–rather than wall himself up in barren solitude. He has completed the painting with extraordinary energy and emotional commitment–restored confidence; he sings, dances and parties with friends once again, and asking forgiveness and forgiving his ex-fiancee, letting go of past and meeting a new woman more suited to him, and resurrecting hope for a successful future of a fulfilling romantic and artistic life
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Very much resonate with what you learned! Getting lured off the path is so easy and this really does give you a guiding light.
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Marilynne’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is…it’s much easier to think about my transformational journey in “bite-size” pieces.
1. Logline for my transformational journey.
Lead character with an issue – Caroline, a health educator who is unhappy with life and her life choices
Journey – …heads to Africa to lead a student project with the goal to reduce deaths in childbirth
Transformation – and discovers she has more than one rewarding destiny.
2. I see the Old Ways as Caroline:
· Makes her life decisions based on other people’s expectations
· Exists in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction with life because she did not pursue her dream career of becoming a doctor
· Feels nothing measures up to her expectations of “what might have been”
· Is irritable and impatient with the people she lives and works with
3. I see the New Ways as Caroline:
· Makes deliberate, conscious choices about what to do in her life
· Gains clarity on her many possible destinies
· Is appreciative of opportunities to work with others to change people’s lives
· Feels grateful for her life and the people in it
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I wish I had seen your movie when I was 20. I had always wanted to be an actor/singer but my father convinced me to be a physiotherapist. Although I worked for many years and became a very good physio, I blamed him and myself for years.
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Hope’s Transformational Journey
What I learned: To appreciate the process and to accept this puzzle piece as the edges of the puzzle. Already, I can see where this can have the ability to act as the compass as I work on the draft I’m using with this class.
Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.
An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to save a failing company until she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse.
Her old ways:
Entitled
Selfish
Citified
Anxious
Expects quick fixes
Her new ways:
Generous
Caring
Hardworking
Courageous
Determined
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Ashley’s Transformational Journey
I’ve been digesting this story idea for the past four months. I’ve had a lot of ideas. In this assignment, I learned to identify the essence of the protagonist and her transformational journey. It helped me make some important choices. However, it’s still not there yet.
Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.
A secretive slave woman is the only one who can save her people, but she must find her desire to truly live.
Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.
After Malinche is sold into slavery, she uses her sexuality and whatever means necessary to survive.
- Her main rule: don’t let anyone know your gift
- Manipulative
- Secretive
- Only cares about her survival and the survival of her newborn son
- No real desires
- Hates her people
- Doesn’t feel like she belongs
Tell us what you see as the New Ways.
Malinche owns her ability to communicate with birds, and uses her seductive voice to guide her people. She has a real relationship with Hernando.
- She owns her gift
- Direct leadership
- Moved from surviving to thriving
- Desire is aflame
- Able to have a real relationship
- Loves her people
- Feels like she belongs
- Concerned about the welfare of her people
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Ashley Sarikaya.
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Ashley-
I don’t understand the second part of your log line, “…but she must find her desire to truly live.”
I wonder what you mean by ‘desire?’ I guess if it’s clear to you, it doesn’t matter. But I’d like more clarity on what ‘to truly live’ means. Is it as opposed to living with ennui and a sense of no purpose?
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Thanks Bob for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
So I’m playing with the logline. Here is the desire piece expanded:
Malinche makes a transformation from surviving to thriving. There’s a narration about desire at the beginning of the film: “Desire can create, but it can also destroy.” Malinche has a positive goal. She wants to create a better world for her son and herself. She learns the power of her seductive voice, the seed of all creation. When she speaks, her wishes are echoed into the mental realm. And people listen.
But her words are powerless without desire. The fires of desire transform words into things on Earth. So, her journey is about reigniting her desire, which had been squashed after being sold into slavery. And her love stories with Hernando and Itzamna helped her to reclaim that lost desire. She thinks she is seducing them to accomplish her goals, but really she seduces herself.
Is it more clear now? Perhaps it’s too esoteric for film. I need to play with it. And perhaps it’s just an underlying theme.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Ashley Sarikaya.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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<div>Liz Janzen’s transformational journey…</div><div>
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What I learned doing this assignment is to write a logline that reveals more about the movie (and is hopefully more enticing) than my existing logline for it. Also, the script has been stuck at the midpoint for several months and through concentrating on the transformational journey I think I can see where to take it now to complete it.
Logline for the transformational journey:
A young teen catapulted to overnight fame in 1930s Hollywood grows up to realize she must step outside the protective circle around her in order to take control of her own destiny.
[My previous logline: When the family house burns down on a hard-scrabble farm in 1930s rural California, fourteen
year old Sally Moss is the only survivor. But the winds of fate soon blow her to Tinsel Town
where she becomes a star overnight.]btw this movie has a substantial comedy element and spans a decade in Sally’s life.
Old ways:
Naive due to young age and isolated rural background
Is a blank slate that can be molded by others
Has limited real-life experience due to the movie studio’s control
Is influenced by her guardian aunt and the producers who made her a star
Doesn’t question others’ decisions for her
New ways:
Begins to chafe at the studio’s trying to regulate her personal life
Craves real life experience outside her bubble
Wants to explore love and romance as she matures
Becomes willing to risk disappointing the well-meaning people of authority in her life
Becomes confident in her own decisions
Makes mistakes based on her judgment
Accepts she has made mistakes
Finds love
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I love the new longline! It sounds like something that has potential to be so visually grand and makes you want to see it right away. Although I also did love knowing about her rural farm roots from your old longline because I think that instantly paints such a vivid picture of the contrast in one’s mind. Anyway would love to see this movie!
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Piling on with Claudia’s point, maybe you can add some more or different adjectives to her “young teen” description which will add more depth. Such as young country girl, or small town teen, etc.
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Yes, thank you both to Claudia and JD!
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Connie Diletti – Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is…that a logline can become profound by adding the transformational journey to it
Logline for the transformational journey:
After losing her job and feeling uncertain about her future, a 40-year-old woman is unexpectedly transported back in time to the 1800s, where she embarks on a journey of self-discovery, falls in love with a charming soldier and herself.
What I see as the Old Ways:
– Insecure/Afraid
– Anxious
– Angry
– Resentful
– Unhappy
– Unfulfilled
– Sarcastic
– Feels stuck
– Hopeless
– Low self-worth (worth connected with status/job/externa)
– Self-centered
What I see as the New Ways:
– Confident
– Adventurous
– Self Aware
– High self-worth (connected with internal sense of being)
– Happy
– Authentic
– Fulfilled
– Compassionate
– Empathetic
– Giving/Generous
– Loves self and life
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Vivien’s Transformative Journey.
What I learned doing this assignment is to understand the psychological transformation of the character/s during their journey, i. e their internal journey.
LOGLINE
(dramedy, “Ordinary People” meets “The Farewell.”
A headstrong woman struggles to carry out her family’s plan to conceal the sudden death of her beloved brother from the elderly mother until she understands how to deeply love her family.
– Lead character with an issue: a headstrong woman
– Journey: conceal the sudden death of her beloved brother from her elderly mother.
– Transformation: until she understands how to deeply love her family.:
OLD WAYS
The protagonist is a young, independent woman, Alicia, who’s been living away from her family for more than a decade. Headstrong and intelligent, Alicia believes that she can always find the right solution to a problem. She has a cordial but distant relationship with her family.
– Headstrong, independent, always right, does not have a strong relationship with her family.
NEW WAYS
Alicia lets go of her preconceived idea of right and wrong and follows her family’s plan to help the mother through the crisis. In the process she rediscovers the family love that has long eluded her.
– Compassionate, considerate, values her family’s ways of life, develops strong bonds with her family, rediscovers the family love that she always craves.
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What I learned: To make the logline more personal toward the journey.
Old way: Karma doesn’t believe in herself. Sarcastic toward men.
Journey: Karma learns to trust in a man and her powers to save the world.
New way: Karma saves the world and her true love.
Logline: A distrustful stripper in New York City teams with a magical lion to understand her growing powers as a Goddess and save the man she’s come to love, defeating an adversary who seeks to rule creation.
Previous Logline: Zeus’s newest daughter is attacked in New York City, spiraling her
on a quest, alongside a magical lion, to protect the Godstones
from an adversary who seeks to rule creation.-
Oh, I love this! I think this is so fun. I also like a story about a stripper that is so different from the norm and takes a magical approach. I am a pole dancer and pole performer, if you ever get to a point where you have questions about the details of that world (if you aren’t familiar yourself) I’d be happy to talk to you!
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Ronald Barker
The Profound Screenplay
The Transformational Journey That changes Lives
What I learned doing this assignment is… I am now finally able to move pass just having the idea my head of the story I want to tell in my short film. I’m using the structure this class is providing by creating a working blueprint to guide me to a finished product. This is what I needing to get me moving.
Tell us about logline for the transformational journey. This divorced and unmarried older man wants a baby daughter. He is also a vegan and the community of women from the pass politely shunned him because they didn’t want to accept his lifestyle. After his divorce which bore him no children, he was an undesignated sperm donor in a relationship to a son. He knew because two other women, one older and one younger, informed him that was his situation. Her wants that experience of being a father to a baby girl. Where does he turn?
He zooms around town in his new highly visible convertible Porsche. At a social gathering he is known. He obviously can’t remember them from any previous encounters. He is eventually approached by two different women he deems are suitable to his liking. He is a traditional man.
It turns out he’s spotted by various women who saw his profile on social media, that was entered by some pranksters’ friends. At the dance hall they approach him with a familiarity of knowing him by calling him by his name. There are two young lesbian friends who want to start a
family, but don’t want to go to an expensive doctor for help. They size him up as an older established man who fits their plans. They can have their family for the long haul because he might not be around as long. It doesn’t matter if he’s of a different ethnic group from them.
He engages with both not knowing their orientation or their relationship.
Define the old ways of life the character lives out at the beginning of the story.
The lead character lives a normal somewhat traditional life except he’s a vegetarian. He easy going and pleasant to be around. He likes the structure of a normal nuclear family and being in uncomplicated relationships. He liked being a father.
Tell us what you see as the New Ways.
He comes to realize that this is not going to be a traditional and uncomplicated relationships with two women pregnant. H’s not finding happiness the old fashion and traditional way. He must make a drastic change to adept to a new life style and reality.
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In doing these lessons I have definitely been able to reel in my story but nonetheless doing a longline and having to go through the old and new ways of my character has made the story feel very trite and cringe. A lot of these aspects of her character feel very peripheral to the actual story. And in some ways I think it’s hard to deal with the transformation of an adolescent/teen over just a few short years. They are usually not so set in their ways as adults are and changing more quickly. So, I am putting this info here but remaining open to changes as we go!
Lead character with an issue – A dramatic, high-strung, and perfectionistic teenage ballet dancer
Journey – …strives for approval and success in the ballet world while balancing her dysfunctional family life
Transformation – … but ultimately learns to stay true to herself.
The Old Ways:
Super uptight, high strung, perfectionistic.
Embarrassed of her family.
Accepts abusive norms of ballet world.
Focuses only on opportunities created by others.
Struggles with disordered eating.
Overworks herself.
Major perfectionism.
Self centered.
Depressed.
Competitive.
The New Ways:
Learns to relax and embrace her creativity.
Accepts and finds value in her family despite their imperfections.
Starts to question the abusive norms of the ballet world.
Realizes playing by the rules never suited her.
Begins to find joy in eating and other normal pleasures of life.
Becomes a more collective artist collaborating with others.
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JD’s Transformational Journey
I learned that I really like the puzzle metaphor. The idea of solving the “easier” edges first makes complete sense to me. I also like that we have permission for our answers to evolve later.
Logline for Transformational Journey:
A solitary treasure hunter falls in love with a mermaid, but must sacrifice his treasure — and his love — to save the mermaid’s home.
Old Ways:
Jake is a rugged, confident, and womanizing treasure hunter who is out for himself and doesn’t really care who might lose out. He is a loner and also a little immature; “finders keepers, losers weepers.”
New Ways:
Jake falls deeply in love with the one; but to continue to love her, he must let her go, in order to save her mermaid home. He becomes compassionate and learns to return lost possessions to their rightful owners. Even after saying goodbye to his forever love, he learns to be sociable and enjoy the company of others.
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Chimed Drolma’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is that all my other loglines were crap! They were more for shock value or attention-grabbing as opposed to showing any kind of trajectory at all or even what the story would be about. I also learned I need to totally re-work my story with this in mind and am excited to do that.
LOGLINE
A traumatized and lonely space mercenary is compelled to rescue a familiar child and finds peace and family in the process.
OLD WAYS
She lives by one-night stands, takes meaningless highly-paid work, and doesn’t let anyone in except her buddy from military days.NEW WAYS
Through her rescue of a young girl, Velvet finally deals with her recurring nightmares, family trauma, and sets herself up for a more connected and fulfilling life. -
Tom’s Transformational Journey
What I learned is that I have an essence of my main character’s transformation, and that my goal is to align that transformation with the way I am trying to make the audience perceive the message of the story. Also, to carry over from last lesson, that the goal is to have these items operating in the background, not the focus of the story, to avoid sounding preachy.
Logline:
A small town police officer is falsely accused of murdering his wife and while trying to understand what really happened to her, discovers that the very essence of existence is so much bigger than he was willing to imagine.
Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.
Isolated <div>
Untrusting
Narrow-minded
Not spiritual or even open to the possibility
Logical, sometimes to a fault
Chain of command oriented
Military-minded
Conservative
Not interested or concerned with science
Tell us what you see as the New Ways.
Connected to his family and community </div><div>
Eyes open
Open to mysticism (or what we might perceive as mysticism)
Spontaneous
Capable of feeling
Operating from his heart
Eyes open to a bigger design
Deeply intertwined with the science that was the basis of his wife’s work
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