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Lesson 3
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Andrew’s Elevated Emotion!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned from doing this assignment is… I had to do some thinking before I could even approach the actual exercise. I realized that I had lost any sense of a plotted emotional roller coaster — or had never consciously plotted it for the overall story… So I took some time to review my map first — et clear about the big emotion I wanted at the end; then the end of each act; then the scenes within the act.
This was hard for me. I’m not going to say I failed, but I was unable to just throw open the gates and brainstorm randomly for individual scenes. I feel like they have to fit an emotional rhythm that is mostly already established in order to tell the story. But I did use the prompts to try to enhance what was there and open up to some new possibilities.
I realized that the first act was about the conflict between mother and daughter, and a budding relationship with ne’er-do-well Roy, so I had to make Roy look good by the end of the first act so that the audience would be rooting for the relationship. I looked for ways to increase the mother/daughter opposition; make it more painful; escalate the conflict; add hope/fear; trust and betrayal; expectations not met; needs, values and goals violated… Actually, using all the prompts to bring out more of that conflict in the scenes where that is present.
In some places, I would just start applying the prompts and think — Yes! That’s exactly what it needs… So I didn’t get very far into the brainstorming.
Some specific changes:
- Scene 2 – added more talking about Mom to Terry
- Scene 4 – added more about Daphne’s sign; Mom’s ambivalence.
- Scene 16: confrontation between Mom, Daphne and boyfriend; had Mom insinuate that having a relationship with Daphne might be dangerous.
- Scene 18: Daphne moves out — got more emotional extremes from mother, evoking the feeling that Daphne is indeed leaving a bad situation however precarious the new one will be.
The journey with Roy needed more emotion — more no-good charmer; more understanding of why Daphne goes off with him at the end of act 1
- Scene 7 – when she reads the cards for him the first time, I added more flirtation to make people feel the thrill of a dangerous romance.
- Scene 9 – Roy comes back for a second reading; more intrigue
- Scene 32 – Confrontation between Roy and Daphne over Gilbert abusing boys. Hyped up the conflict.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Elevated Emotion!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was able to go through the script and find several scenes where I was able to increase emotional character turmoil and audience empathy. It really helps to do an edit pass that concentrates ONLY on heightening the emotions of the characters and the scenes.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Scene #:
18 – David teases Sarah with a new repair project.
How Intensified: It’s a game of cat and mouse between them until Sarah asks David for a piece of his fees.
21 – Bear catches Young Sarah.
How Intensified: Trimmed several adjectives from the description, made it harder hitting.
22 – Sarah breaks March’s pot.
How Intensified: Condensed Sarah’s dialogue, tightened the action.
25 – Sarah enters the liquor store.
How Intensified: Louie’s emotions have been elevated with “surprise”.
30 – March interacts with a room service waiter.
How Intensified: Made March more likeable, less of an angry person.
31- Sarah admits she broke March’s pot.
How Intensified: Added Sarah’s dismay. March collects his thoughts – we wonder is he happy or angry?
34 – Johnny sees Shaman on the mesa.
How Intensified: Johnny gets goosebumps
43 – Sarah meets March for dinner.
How Intensified: Sarah is emotionally more on the edge, has a hard time revealing that she thinks she may have had something to do with the death of her father.
46 – March at Sarah’s apartment after the mugging.
How Intensified: March’s emotions have been heightened by his actions of disapproval.
51 – David and Sarah on the phone.
How Intensified: We now know that David’s “friend” may be more than just a friend.
53 – Sarah and March talk about the skull
How Intensified: Heightened her response to his self-help suggestion.
55 – A B&W flashback of Young Sarah remembering playing soccer as a child.
How Intensified: The flashback is still seen in B&W. But the object she picks up (we think it is a soccer ball) is instead a human skull – seen in color.
78 – Johnny questions Takoda at the hospital
How Intensified: Gave Johnny an air or uncertainty at the beginning, he has to draw on his inner strength and show confidence at the end.
84 – Sarah gets her Shard from her father.
How Intensified: Better show Tom’s exasperation and his quick thinking to create Sarah’s shard.
85 – March with Sarah under hypnosis after she gets her Shard.
How Intensified: SHOW March as choking in shock when he learns about Tom’s idiot helper.
86 – Sarah remembers Bear was in the cave.
How Intensified: Give Sarah more angst, more anger at March, more fear about moving forward.
89 – Sarah remembers the cave
How Intensified: Sarah chokes with emotion, we see her deep sadness.
95 – Sarah discovers the cave
How Intensified: Sarah doesn’t want her younger self to enter. March urges her to go inside.
102 – Frank and the Shaman talk on the mesa.
How Intensified: Frank is more stunned. The Shaman allows himself to show appreciation for Frank’s good wishes on his departure.
122 – Tomas sees Johnny shoveling out stalls.
How Intensified: Made Johnny more confident, Tomas more conflicted and left some things unsaid to heighten the suspense.
136 – Johnny tells March about the yucca canyon.
How Intensified: Heighten Johnny’s provoking March to anger.
138 – March and Johnny talk about his bionic hand while sitting at the fire.
How Intensified: Elevate March’s dialogue and actions about losing his hand. Elevate Johnny’s emotional dialogue about deer hunting.
149 – Sarah remembers cholla needles in her hand as a child
How intensified: Elevate her confusion and the suspense as older Sarah remembers.
158 – Sarah and Johnny climb the steep sandstone wall.
How Intensified: Show Sarah in discomfort as she climbs.
164 – Sarah, Johnny and March in the cave.
How Intensified: March’s tormented anguish is shown and described much stronger.
169 – Sarah and March fight.
How Intensified: Sarah reveals how she knew March was guilty and that she had secretly copied all his recorder files. Also, she now toys with him, and sarcastically destroys his arrogance and confidence.
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Rebecca’s Elevated Emotion
Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned by doing this assignment is by using this technique I could up the emotional level in each pivitol scene to keep the audience engaged.
Scene 2: Willy moves the view of the scope to the lone remaining soldier…a GERMAN Lieutenant…marching eyes front…stops…waves his men forward…turns…sees the bodies spread out behind him. Asks the sniper to shoot him. How Intensified: A whole range of emotions show on his face—horror, fear, diappointment, self loathing, shame, despair, failure as an officer and a man, wants to die. He opens his arms in surrender…puffs out his chest. He asks the sniper to kill him, let him die with honor.
Scene 24 Essence: A trooper stands in the road…waves down the truck…Ragman stops. The trooper moves by Ragman’s window…holds out his hand, palm up. Asks to see their passes or get one issued to them. Ragman triggers; Ludie stops him.
Version A: Triggers a wound: Ragman fought a war, killed men, to protect civil rights.
Version B: Forced to do something that opposes his values: Forced to submit to a mandate against the US freedoms.
Version C: Raises the steaks that could hurt others: Ragman’s confrontation esculates, the trooper reaches for his gun. Ludie reminds Ragman his confrontation could get them killed and her family is in the truck.Scene 39 Essence: Bucholz watches Ragman and Ludie through a spy glass and focuses on Ludie.
Version A: Triggers a wound: Ragman remembers the urge to kill when Ludie told him about Bucholz stalking her and his lustful gaze.
Version B: escalate the conflict: Ragman makes a threatening gesture to cut off Buchoz’s balls.
Version C: Ragman stuggles to control his urge to run up the hill, smash the spy glass, and smash Bucholz with it.
Scene 44: Ragman finds his unconcious brother and fears him dead, hears a heartbeat, and asks his companions to help put him in the truck to take him home.
Version A: Make it more painful: Ragman scans the body for gunshot wounds…turns him over …checks his back…struggles to hold in tears. The shredded shirt barely covers…the raw slices of flesh…the body resting in a mix…of blood, feces, and rain soaked earth. Ragman bellows.
Version B: Experiences distress: What to do to help his brother but keep him safe. Take him to the hospital will cause questions and revenge. Can’t report it to authorities because Bucholz is the law.
Version C: Struggles: Ragman struggles to control his anger so he decide the safest and best decision to get Ervin treatment but keep him safe from Bucholz. Decides to take him home.
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Farrin Rosenthal’s Elevated Emotion!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to elevate the emotional experience for the audience. How do we do this? Remember, the reader and audience is experiencing a story.
Do we want to bore them to sleep or entertain the crap out of them? My mandate as a writer is to provide maximum entertainment to the reader/audience.
Providing entertainment means giving the audience the most emotional experience possible.
Present a relatable story with relatable characters and put those characters through an emotionally packed journey and take the audience along for the ride.
I challenge my characters all the way through the story. Turn up the heat and set to boil!
Do not let a character off easy. Increase their stress and the audience will feel it.
I went through my script and made sure every scene delivers the most emotion possible.
How did I do this? Made sure to raise the stakes, increase conflict, up the suspense, and alternate between hope and fear.
If you are writing a thriller, you better thrill the audience, a comedy, make them laugh, horror, scare the crap out of them.
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ROBERT SMITH’S ELEVATED EMOTION!
MY VISION FOR AFTER THIS PROGRAM
I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?
It is fun to intensify the emotional experience of the scenes.
LIST OF SCENES FROM ‘ANGELS IN GANGLAND’
The pitch: Slain gangster (Lou Tasca), learns from his spirit guide (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky) that he cannot get into heaven until, he rectifies his life of crime by convincing his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.
Scene 2 Essenc: Rabbi Solomon is let down when he learns that his son (Sam Levinsky) has joined his friend Carlo and become a gangster, so he he disowns him.
How intensified: Sam increases his opposition to his father Solomon calling him hypocritical, reminding his father of a family secret, i.e., that his father’s Uncle Max was a gangster in the Bugs-Meyer Mob (the ‘Kosher Nostra’) whom Solomon regarded as a hero because Max beat up American Nazis at their 1939 Madison Square Garden rally and ran guns with mob boss Longie Zwillman to the Haganah in Palestine in 1947.
Further intensified: Painfully, when Solomon cannot persuade his son to quit the mob, he prays intensely, for God to forgive him for his failure as both a father and rabbi.
Scene 6 Essence: Lou struggles as he relives that night the love of his life (Marybeth) broke up with him because he wouldn’t quit the mob.
How intensified: Lou begs Young Lou in the vision to quit the mob and don’t lose Marybeth. ‘Follow your heart or later on you’ll end up with two bullets in your head.’ Of course Young Lou cannot hear Lou as this is a vision of the past and Marybeth breaks up with him – a terrible loss that would have an impact on him for the rest of his life until he was killed by two bullets in his head from the gun of Carlo Vizzini.
Scene 9 Essence: Tony’s Cocktail Lounge waitress, Michelle Ippolito gives Mob Capo Tony Rizzo her two week notice that she is leaving.
How intensified: Tony attempts sexual assault but Michelle defends herself by twisting Tony’s arm into a hammerlock. When she frees him, Tony fires her on the spot. This is a setup for a big reveal later that Michelle is actually an FBI undercover agent spying on the mob.
Scene 9a Essence: Tony orders Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou Tasca for ratting on the family (a lie).
How intensified: The dilemma – Internal Conflict for Carlo who hates being ordered to kill Lou whom he likes but Tony says the upside is that he is ‘making his bones’ the requirement to enable him to become a Made Man in the Giordano Family.
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Amechi’s Elevated Emotion!
What I learned doing this assignment is to remember that there needs to be emotion at the heart of every scene I write. I have to intentionally intensify these as often as possible.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.SCENE 1 Essence: Fear of Rhapsody.
How intensified: Leader is afraid once she traps him in the alley.SCENE 10 Essence: Rhapsody anger at Apex.
How intensified: Her anger in storming off and causing damage on her way.SCENE 13 Essence: Kanaan’s fear.
How Intensified: He is surrounded and beaten up.SCENE 18 Essence: Rhapsody sadness at Apex’s injury.
How Intensified: She cries over his unconscious body and swears revenge.SCENE 31 Essence: Kanaan embarrassed by his interview.
How Intensified: He stops the interviewer when she is praising his mother.SCENE 40 Essence: He is angry and sad at her for showing up at his house.
How intensified: He can’t speak to her and just looks away while she provokes him with jokes. -
CJ’s Elevated Emotion!
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.
WIL: Going through this – sometimes I didn’t realize until I went back to it that it was in fact a Cliché – so working through a different way to convey it or change it in a way that is different or fresh.
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
Assignment:
I realized that there were many opportunities to elevate scenes – from intensity to playing with emotions.
My protagonist needed be more relatable and I needed to play with the emotions to bring this about. Have her not be so unreachable but a bit vulnerable by raising the stakes.
My protagonist’s sister is a key component for the protagonist to “play off of” – I needed to give her a life and more of a background to make her more believable. Show her loss / disappointments that she has given up for her sister.
I have a lot of betrayal, but I need to show more “trust” between my protagonist and her mentor to make the betrayal more vibrant.
Scene #’s: 5, 18, 19, 20, 26, and a few more!
I also found an opportunity to show some exposition rather than tell – excited about the new visuals that will bring more emotional impact!
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Tom’s Elevated Emotion!
My Vision: While working with producers, I suggest plausible alternatives to solve project problems.
Doing this assignment, I learned how quick and easy it is to add emotion to a scene.
· Scene 1 Essence: Morris strikes his son Phil because he doesn’t feed them enough protein.
How Intensified: Phil sheds a tear. He fears Morris will beat him again.
· Scene: 6 Essence: Plane speeds down the highway.
How Intensified: Plane nearly has a head-on collision with a pickup truck.
· Scene 7 Essence: Bush plane’s engine quits in mid-flight
How Intensified: Phil crawls out on fuselage and fixes it before it crashes.
· Scene 9 Essence: Phil and Stan taste weird plants they find at the mountain top lake.
How Intensified: They go on a wild, hallucinating trip.
· Scene 12 Essence: Bear confronts Abe. Abe feeds it plants.
How Intensified: Bear hallucinates, face plants into the lake.
· Scene 14 Essence: Plants sprout from mysterious seeds.
How Intensified: The plants sprouted from the
seeds overnight. -
Eclipse Neilson LOVES CHARACTER DEPTH
THE NUN AND THE WITCH : SCI-FI/MYSTICAL DRAMA
VISION:
I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.
I added emotional intensity through the personal interchanges with both Sister Anne holding back her anger- in a few scenes. I had her resentment spill out a bit. Both Anne and Lunea struggle to trust each other.
I added Lunea’s fear of failing as a mother and her pain from escaping the war of Ukraine and seeing how it has affected her daughter Athena.
I added Athena expressing her anger at her Mom for not openly protecting her and being too much of a visionary.
I added Father Sinclair’s fear of death, and his struggle to redeem himself after he is a ghost – I made him a bit more desperate at times. Also, I intensified his evil shapeshifting and intensified his struggle to hold onto his sanity.
I added Seth’s anger at Athena for not liking him.
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Leona Heraty’s Elevated Emotion!My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
What I learned from doing this assignment is… there are so many ways to add emotion to a scene or make the scene much more emotional by brainstorming ideas. This is a method that is easy to use and works!
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.Scene 1 Essence: Dead termites are brought back to life!
How Intensified: The dead termites are brought back to life, GROWL and begin to scurry up the walls. They’re infesting the room!
Scene 2 Essence: Big Betty comes to life and she’s vain!
Version A: Struggle: Big Betty comes to life, then dies. Another termite dips Big Betty’s claw in the green goo. She comes to life again, MOANS, writhes on the floor, struggles to get up, falls, then finally gets up and stands triumphant!
Version B: Love Received: Big Betty comes to life and each termite kisses her feet.
Version C: Needs, Values, and Goals fulfilled: Big Betty comes to life and says, “After two thousand years, I’m back!”
Scene 3 Essence: Tara is petrified of bugs!
How Intensified: Raise the stakes: Tara can’t get her window to roll down to get the bug to fly out of her car!
Scene 4 Essence: Tara’s parents, friends and neighbor, Davy, are having fun in the backyard.
Version A: Abandoned: Tara’s Dad gets a phone call and delivers bad new to Davy: His parents need to stay in Europe one more week. Davy is crushed.
Version B: Proving themselves to others: The music goes stops. Tara’s Dad can’t get the record player to work. Davy jumps up and fiddles with the wires and the music comes back on. The group CHEERS and starts dancing!
Version C: Did everything they were supposed to, but it still isn’t working: Disappointment: Max, who has a crush on Tara, show’s Tara’s Mom a Mickey Mouse t-shirt he bought for Tara for their upcoming trip to Disneyland, but Max is disappointed frustrated when he finds out from Tara’s Dad that there’s a 50/50 chance she won’t be able to go to Disneyland because of a “previous commitment.”
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John T’s Elevated Emotion!
Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the process suggests new angles and areas of subtext. It also informed 4 new scenes that play off the new-found intensity. A bonus! Now, to apply the same processes to the new scenes – double bonus! After another readthrough, I’ll try elevating again.
Scene 1 Essence: Grace is attacked and killed – Phil cannot save her.
How Intensified:
Experiencing Distress, Betrayal.
Grace foretells of her demise. Her dying words, “I’m so sorry, my love.” What was she sorry about? Phil not trained to fend off a knife attack. Catches a glimpse of a scorpion tatoo on the attacker’s neck.
Scene 4 Essence: Phil trains for knife fighting at a martial arts studio.
How intensified:
Triggers a wound
Phil goes out of control and injures his instructor.
Scene 5: Phil talks to an imaginary wife at a restaurant booth.
How intensified: Needs, Values, and Goals violated
Is Phil crazy? The waiter thinks so. There’s a place setting for Grace and a glass of her favorite wine.
Scene 7: Megan tries to arouse a sleeping Phil; he reacts.
How intensified: Phil is dreaming about Grace and momentarily confuses Megan for his dead wife. Reacts violently.
Scene 8: Megan shows a little too much affection for her neighbor Phil at a party hosted by her mom celebrating Megan’s new job as a flight attendant.
Raise the stakes. She whispers in Phil’s ear: “Ravish me.”
Increase opposition. Two of the FA’s promise to scold her.
Success mixed with tragedy. Tara tells Phil how sorry she is about losing Grace.
Needs, Values, and Goals fulfilled. Rhonda toasts the youngest new FA at Airborne Airways. Megan thrilled.
Scene 11: Phil shows up late to the cockpit, dashed into the lav. FA’s are concerned, sympathetic. Phil overhears them talking about him and Megan. Their conversation is interrupted by a commotion in the cabin. Louise overreacts.
Raise the stakes. Louise “accidently” spills a drink on an irate passenger to deflect his anger from Rhonda.
Increase opposition. The man complains to Phil.
Make it more painful. Phil reprimands him for barging into the cockpit.
Multiply the impact on others. Several first class passengers start to complain out loud. Phil makes a PA to quell the complaints
Put them in a worse situation. Phil gives the bad news: an ATC delay.
Escalate the conflict. Another passenger demands an explanation for being late.
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Joe McGloin’s Elevated Emotion
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy screenwriter
What I learned doing this assignment is opening to changing the scene and then being relaxed about the changes yields good results.
Elevate as many scenes as you can to make them more emotional for the audience. With each one, label them like this:
Scene Essence: Jane introduced, arrives at work :
How Intensified: Jane is bullied, humiliated, and triggered.
Scene Essence: Max plays with being an angel and doesn’t get the response he expects from Jane
How intensified: Struggle, distress
Scene essence: Jane not ready for dating
Experiencing
Distress: Jane can’t hear what Kit says at a bar
Struggle:
Jane starts dancing then stops
Loss/Disappointments:Redemption:
Jane apologizes to George and gives him another chanceScene Essence: Max and Clarence fight; Max has little feeling for his charge
Sacrifice:
Clarence will give up his day’s work to tutor Max
Trust and
Betrayal: Max refuses to do anything further on his assignment
Needs violated: Clarence
suggests Max take a vacation
Values
violated:
Goals violated: Clarence indicates
becoming an Archy is now out of reachScene Essence: Jane offers Max a duty that he misinterprets as wanting his heavy-handed help.
Raise the
stakes: Jane will let Max go
Make it
more painful: Max insults her for all to hear
Multiply
the impact on others: Jane will give up being with men all together
Put them
in a worse situation: Jane suggests Max stop all contact with her.Scene essence: Jane starts her new job, a promotion to the main office
Raise the
stakes: The email has specific dates (all lies)
Increase
opposition: Signed by several people
Add more
hope and/or fear: Impossible to refute
Put them
in a worse situation: bought a townhouse with the raiseScene Essence: Clarence updates the hierarchy on a looming crisis
Experiencing Distress: Clarence fidgets, becomes impatient
Struggle: They don’t hear him very well
Loss/Disappointment: They leave without giving guidance
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Lori Lance’s Elevated Emotion!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to consider the emotion of each scene, and ask how I can elevate it.
Scene 40 Essence: Alex leads the waiter Greg into the alley behind the restaurant where he works. My first draft didn’t have this scene at all, but I felt the audience would feel cheated by just saying that Greg couldn’t be found.
Intensified: This scene shows what Alex is capable of, so the audience will have greater concern for the Logan family. I also wanted to add humor to the scene since this is a comedy. With Alex having all the knowledge of the internet, I thought it would be funny for Alex to give Greg the history and meaning of his name right before she offs him. I had randomly chosen the name Greg, and when I looked up the meaning of the name and saw how the scene could unfold, I couldn’t have been happier.
I took the scene further than I had expected to in order to raise the stakes for the family, increase opposition, and cause greater distress for poor Greg.
Scene 56 Essence: In this scene, Alex is destroyed by her creator, Joshua. I added to the intensity by giving Alex the realization that she’s believed a lot of lies, and she feels confused and betrayed. Joshua sacrifices Alex for the greater good.
Also, in this scene are Joshua and his dog, Machine. I had a few funny moments throughout the script of Joshua talking to his dog. The dog never shows any interest or affection. I added emotion to the scene by having Machine finally show emotion toward Joshua. Machine goes to Joshua when he is shocked and thrown to the ground. Machine licks Joshua’s face to make sure he’s alright and then lies beside him. Joshua says, “I knew you cared, man.”
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