Lesson 4

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH LOVES COVERING SUBTEXT.

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

The fun of reviewing subtext dialogue. Even though I have not included all scenes I revised. I have the scene below. I have already done a great deal of subtext in the script, I discovered. .

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

Rabbi Solomon Levitsky just learned his son became a gangster.

SCENE 2

SOLOMON

This is not the way I raised you, Shmuley.

SAM; ATTACKS BACK (SUBTEXT)

SAM

Well, I can’t live the way you raised me. And my name is not Shmuley! It’s Sam. By the way, aren’t you being hypocritical? I mean, what about your Uncle Max who ran with the Bugs-Meyer Mob? You called him a hero.

SILENCE – SUBTEXT REWRITE. SOLOMON CAUGHT OFF-GUARD.

SOLOMON

I was wrong. But. You have to understand, back then, to us ordinary Jews, the Jewish gangsters were our only protectors from antisemites. American Nazis had a rally in Madison Square Garden in thirty-nine.

FLASHBACK

INSERT – Archival footage of the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden, 1939.

3. EXT. FACADE OF THE OLD MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – NIGHT

NAZIS exit the Garden, in front of them, dapper dressed young Jewish gangsters, including YOUNG UNCLE MAX, approach the well-lit facade holding baseball bats.

Young Uncle Max kneecaps a NAZI who falls moaning in agony.

Young Uncle Max hits the Nazi again.

YOUNG UNCLE MAX

Take that for Kristalnacht, you Nazi son of bitch!

NAZIS and JEWISH GANGSTERS START A STREET FIGHT.

SFX: Police whistles.

Young Uncle Max is arrested by NYPD OFFICERS before Max could strike again.

INSERT – Archival footage of the Israeli War of Independence.

4. INT. A HALL DECORATED WITH FLAGS OF ISRAEL – NIGHT

Young Uncle Max and DAVID BEN-GURION Shaking hands.

.

SOLOMON (V..O.)

Then, in forty-seven, when the Arabs threatened to drive us into the sea, Max ran guns to the Haganah. Even received personal thanks from David Ben-Gurion.

END OF FLASHBACK.

BACK TO:

5. INT. THE STUDY OF RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY – DAY

SOLOMON

The Rabbis and other leaders condemned the violence of the gangsters. They were still criminals connected to Lucky Luciano and the Cosa Nostra.

SUBTEXT REWRITE – SAM MAKES A JOKE OF IT

SAM

The Jewish gangsters were the Kosher Nostra.

SOLOMON

It’s not funny!

SAM

Why did you take in Uncle Max?

SOLOMON

He was my uncle. He was sick. He was crippled by an attempted hit. For all his gangster money he was dying penniless and in torment. He finally did repentance. I finally got him o synagogue on Yom Kippur, He repented and now, this is the life you choose? Well, you won’t splash me with your blood money! You’re dead to me. Go!

Solomon tears his breast pocket, a traditional gesture of mourning.

Sam walks off in dejection, exits. Solomon is alone.

SOLOMON (CONT’D)

(Praying, remorsefully.)

Lord of the Universe, I have failed as a father and I have failed you as a Rabbi. I can’t even rescue my own son from a gangster life. Forgive me, Lord of the Universe, Forgive.

LOU (V,O,)

Rabbi Solomon Levinsky was the first soul that I met when I faced the music for my life of crime.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca Loves Covering Subtext!

VISION: My success from this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.

What I learned from doing this assignment reinforced what I in earlier lesson. It suiprized me to see how much subtext was in the script. As I went through it, I did find a few scenes that could benefit from subtext, so I added it using: 1. Person doesn’t answer when they should, 2. Change the subject, 3. Say something that sends thir mind in a different direction. Checked all the way from beginning to end of script.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen loves Covering Subtext!

I write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows. I am invited to be a mentor at seminars, summits, and safaris.

What I learned doing this assignment is I have never really had a good handle on subtext. Taking something the audience already knows and adding something (like a silence, a complement, etc.) makes a subtextual message that audience should get. I think I often do subtext hoping it’s something the audience knows, but they don’t always, so it falls flat. I had the scene where the husband says he is drinking the same thing as the kids, but the fact that the girl was drinking champagne came after, so it didn’t really mean much – it is so much stronger this way….I also have a scene where the same kind of thing happens, but this time it’s an incongruency, but the scenes are in the wrong order, so the audience doesn’t experience the subtext – switching them around (or adding a scene) fills that in…and mind blown!

2. Skim each scene and ask these two questions:

A. What is the
deeper meaning the audience already knows?
B. Can I add a
line that covers it and causes them to experience the subtext at the same
time?

3. For any scenes that don’t have subtext dialogue, use one of these methods to rewrite or add a line.

Silence: Person
doesn’t answer when they should. (audience knows Dacey was hiding from “ghost”
and that’s why she was in closet.)

WARD

And why would she leave school, come home and remove it if she knew nothing about you finding it? Why were you in her closet anyway?

Not answering, Dacey steps back, closes the closet door.

WARD

There is obviously nothing going on here that I can help you with. Maybe you should talk to that doctor from work. What was his name again? Dr. Greene? He helped last time. I’m afraid it’s gone too far this time, but you should at least try. I need to get to work.

Action incongruent with words. INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ward lays in bed.

WARD

Dacey, I love you and I’ve made a terrible mistake.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – DAY

DACEY

What? I don’t understand.

WARD (V.O.)

I was wrong to have done what I did. I made a promise to love you in sickness and in health and I broke that promise. Dacey?

DACEY

Yes?

INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS – DAY

Sensuously, Ward moves around in his bed.

WARD

I’d like to come home if you’ll have me – if you’ll forgive me.

DACEY (V.O.)

Ward, you told the children I was crazy. I am not crazy. I have a sleep disorder.

WARD

I know, I spoke to your mother. She said the doctor confirmed the suspicions and now you’re on medication, but that doesn’t even matter. I was wrong, no matter what was happening with you, I should have been at your side-

Ward puts his arms out straight, grasping something that is moving up and down near his crotch.

DACEY (V.O.)

I forgive you, Ward and I love you.

WARD

Let’s go to dinner where I asked you to marry me. You remember how to get there?

Biting his lip, Ward arches his back.

DACEY (V.O.)

Of course I do.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – DAY

Dacey slumps at the table, utterly relieved.

WARD (V.O.)

Have Lana watch the kids and I’ll make a reservation. If you get there before me, wait. I’ll be there as soon as my meeting is over. And Dacey?

DACEY

Yes?

As Ward speaks his voice becomes breathless.

WARD (V.O.)

I hope you’ll be able to forgive me in time. I’m going to make it up to you I promise. See you soon.

Dacey hangs up and sheds tears of joy and relief.

INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ward hangs up phone.

His back arches and his breath quickens even more as he has an explosive orgasm.

Ginger comes up from under covers and snuggles with him.

Change subject.

SHYANNE

Where’s Garth? He runs group, not this puta –

DACEY

Shyanne, you know where Garth is.

SHYANNE

I didn’t do nothing! Didn’t lie, he did them things I said he done.

DACEY

Ms. Colleen, please begin.

Question them.

Attack back. (this one is interesting because we just saw his daughter switch out her sparkling cider for champagne, so it is also an irony)

The first WAITRESS brings champagne flutes to Ward and Dacey.

Ward takes one for himself and hands one to Dacey.

A scowl on Dacey’s face testifies to her disapproval.

Ward grabs Dacey’s arm, pulls her close, hisses in her ear.

WARD

Stop accusing me all the time, it’s getting old.

He lets her go, smiles for the audience.

WARD

It’s sparkling cider, the same thing the kids are drinking.

Complement them. (The audience knows that Shyanne wasn’t sleeping and was involved in the incident that happened before Dacey and Peter entered.)

Yawning and stretching excessively, Shyanne rolls over.

SHYANNE

What’s going on? I’m sleeping here.

Dacey leads Tanya toward the door. Peter inspects the wall and the windowsill for the nail hole.

DACEY

You look great. You’re the only person I know in real life who can just wake up and look perfectly put together.

Misdirection: Do
or say something that sends their mind in a different direction.
Make a joke of
it.

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase loves Covering Subtext!

My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: My script is a Psychological Suspense Thriller and I worked hard to use a lot of subtext in each character’s dialogue. Per usual, when I went through the script again, I found several scenes where I could add subtext and/or elevate and improve the dialogue.

I also discovered a plot hole. I had accidentally deleted some lines of dialogue that was the set up for a reveal later in the script.. Fixed that also.

Title: Shards

Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller

High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.

Use of silence instead of dialogue for Sarah:

INT. LIQUOR STORE – CONTINUOUS

Louie glances up from his comic book with surprise.

LOUIE

You’re early.

Sarah shoots him a desperate glance as she heads to her stuff.

__________________________________

This scene also uses silence and adds incongruent actions from Sarah when she is under hypnosis in March’s office.

YOUNG SARAH

sits in the dirt. She grabs the pieces and works to fit the

pottery fragments back together like a jig saw puzzle.

MARCH (V.O.)

What are you doing, young Sarah?

Young Sarah looks at us —

YOUNG SARAH

Duh. I’m fixing stuff.

INTERCUT BETWEEN FLASHBACK AT TOM’S DIG AND MARCH’S OFFICE

Sarah smiles on the sofa. March looks excited but confused.

MARCH

What did she say?

March’s gloved fingers twitch with nervous energy. He scowls at his glove, CLAMPS it into a fist.

At the dig, Young Sarah happily works on her puzzle pieces.

YOUNG SARAH

Daddy needs me.

In March’s office, Sarah nods. March looks frustrated.

At the dig, Young Sarah happily fits two pieces together.

YOUNG SARAH (CONT’D)

We’re gonna always be together.

SARAH (V.O.)

We’re gonna always be together.

Young Sarah looks at us with sad eyes —

YOUNG SARAH

You got daddy killed.

In March’s office, Sarah’s face fills with sorrow.

SARAH

I didn’t want it to happen.

March notices Sarah’s sudden emotional swing with alarm.

MARCH

That’s probably enough for today.

At the dig, the little girl stares at us —

YOUNG SARAH

He’s mean. I don’t trust him.

In March’s office, March leans close to Sarah —

MARCH

And on the count of three you will wake

up feeling totally refreshed.

One…two…and three.

Sarah sits up, and for a moment doesn’t know where she is.

She slides from the sofa, holds her head, bewildered.

MARCH (CONT’D)

Are you okay? Seemed like there was a lot going on and —

SARAH

– I was in the desert. And my dad —

MARCH

– You saw Tom?

SARAH

His back was to me. But I know it was him. He gave me pieces of —

MARCH

– Pieces of what?

SARAH

…Pottery, I think. I was trying to put fragments back togeth…

She stares at March, perplexed.

SARAH (CONT’D)

You didn’t hear her?

MARCH

No!

March draws a controlled breath —

MARCH (CONT’D)

Sorry…I thought I would be able to help you speak with young Sarah.

SARAH

But you did.

Now it’s March who looks perplexed.

MARCH

She was talking…to you?

SARAH

She said, “Duh. I’m fixing stuff”.

MARCH

Really? Huh. Anything else?

Sarah starts to reply — looks away, shakes her head.

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal loves Covering Subtext!

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is how subtext dialogue has two layers, the surface and the deeper meaning. If the audience knows what is going on under the surface, the deeper meaning, then we can have characters speak in a way that covers-up the deeper meaning.

Since we know what is going on, the character can talk about other things to try to hide what is going on under the surface.

Here are methods a character can use as cover-ups: Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should. Action incongruent with words. Change subject. Question them. Attack back. Complement them. Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a different direction. Make a joke of it.

In one of my scenes, the antagonist tells the protagonist, who is trapped, to set a timer to one hour, and asks the protagonist if he knows what will happen when the time runs out.

The audience knows something bad will happen and so does the character, but the character doesn’t want to believe it or face this fact, so I have him make a joke. This cover-up shows the character using humor as a way to cope with his fear. I originally had a different line of dialogue here, but having the protagonist act incongruent by making a joke adds more interest and is not expected.

Anytime you can shock or surprise the audience, even just a little, the better.

Another of my scenes is full of cover-up subtext dialogue. The police are questioning the antagonist. The audience knows what is happening, that the protagonist and his family are in danger, but the antagonist covers this up using lies. The police ask if he is alone. He responds saying he is dog-sitting, but we know there are no dogs, that he is really talking about what is going on under the surface, and the fact the “dogs” in this case are people being held hostage. We know what he is covering-up, but the police do not.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Farrin Rosenthal.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This is great fun. Things shake out… I’ve been pulling all the exposition out of my first scene, but thinking about subtext, I realized that I have to plant the idea that Daphne wants to move out as soon as she can because that needs to be the subtext for future scenes.

I also found that by focusing on highlighting the subtext, in some places it became clear that certain lines had to go because they got in the way.

One scene I had Daphne angry because Roy didn’t come back when he was supposed to — it is much more fun to have her pretend she doesn’t care.

I found a new scene without dialogue where Daphne tries on a shirt to see if the sleeves cover the scars on her wrists.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ loves anticipatory dialogue

Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.

WIL: A fun way to update dialogue. As I went through the script I was pleased to see that I had employed many of these already – but as always – there were many missed opportunities that I needed to address.

Title: MEMORY HUNTERS

Concept:

In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.

ASSIGNMENT

Your goal: Have at least one anticipatory dialogue line in every other scene. That way, you are constantly pointing the mind of the audience toward the future of the story.

Skim each scene and ask these two questions:

A. Do I have any anticipatory dialogue here?B. Can I add a line that creates anticipation for some future event?

3. For any scenes that don’t have anticipatory dialogue, use one of these methods to rewrite or add a line.

1. Direct prediction.2. Indirect prediction.3. Countdown.4. Imply consequences.5. Imply hopelessness.6. Shield from consequences in advance.7. Warnings.8. Create reputation for the villain.9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.10. A challenge issued.11. Silence at a strange time.

4. Continue through the entire script, adding anticipatory dialogue to any scenes you can.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe McGloin loves Covering Subtext

Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy screenwriter

What I learned doing this assignment is covering subtext is something is something I already do a lot, so I didn’t mark the few places I added a sentence. I was just happy to see I already did it in most scenes. Good to know I learned anticipatory dialogue and subtext covering in the past and am making good use of them in my dialogue. Though I still worry that I have far too much dialogue and need more description and other ways to convert dialogue to action.

[Eclipse Neilson]

Eclipse Neilson loves covering subtext

I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.

THE NUN AND THE WITCH genre: Mystical Sci-fi

Concept: A dedicated nun destined to become a saint in this lifetime, bonds with her beloved soulmate – the village witch to help battle the evils of hatred consuming the heart of humanity, only to discover that time is running out and hell has permeated their village.

What I discover I often write as if my characters or living in both inner and outer subtext. This script is a good one for subtext because it is based on looking at discrimination how people hide and or find themselves ….

I tweaked a few areas and added a bit of dialogue.

[Tom Wilson]

Tom Loves Covering Subtext

My Vision: When working with a producer, I come up with viable alternatives to improve projects.

Doing this assignment, I learned to think like both sparring characters.

EXT. RATKIN’S HAMPTONS ESTATE – DAY

Lounging by the swimming pool, Ratkin mauls a Rubik’s cube.

Party chair Chalmers waves a newspaper in his face.

CHALMERS

Reporters are up my ying-yang. Want proof you gave orders to Brown.

Wearing nothing but a bathrobe, a girl two years older than the 12-year-old Scotch pours into Ratkin’s glass.

She offers Chalmers some. He shakes his head.

RATKIN

I didn’t record our conversation.

Chalmers rolls his eyes.

CHALMERS

I wonder why.

RATKIN

What’s that mean?

CHALMERS

It’s definitely “he said, he said.”

RATKIN

You don’t believe me, do you?

CHALMERS

Anyone hear you talk to Matt?

RATKIN

You don’t believe me, do you?

Chalmers stares at him.

RATKIN

Only a fictional person can hear a fictional discussion?

RATKIN

If you make good omelets somebody has to die.

[Jane Turville]

Jane Loves Covering Subtext!

MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.

By doing this assignment I discovered a bit more about who my characters are by what they decide to try to hide when they’re speaking. June is a master of misdirection when she doesn’t want to answer something and Percival covers with polite words that mean nothing.

Two scenes that were fun to write are the ones where each character responds to the idea of competition with each other.

First, Percival:

Percival sits on his bed. He chews on his lower lip. Jeremy enters. Percival picks up a magazine and pretends to read. The magazine is upside down. Jeremy putters.

JEREMY

What’s this I hear about a contest?

PERCIVAL

It is of no consequence.

JEREMY

Might be though.

Percival looks at him.

JEREMY (CONT’D)

Take everyone’s attention for a spell. Give me a chance –

PERCIVAL

I will not be part of this!

Jeremy considers Percival, then hangs up his robe.

JEREMY

She won’t win. You know that.

PERCIVAL

Of course.

June talks with Frances during a PT session:

Frances smiles sweetly.

FRANCES

I understand you and Mr. Heriot have a small wager going on.

JUNE

I don’t know what you mean.

Frances’ sweet smile darkens.

FRANCES

If I were you, I would quit making trouble and keep your head down.

June is more intrigued than scared.

JUNE

Why should I do that?

Frances steps back and considers June.

FRANCES

You’re right. Best way for you to heal is to walk. We want you out of here as soon as possible, don’t we.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Loves Covering Subtext!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding covering subtext dialogue is fun and easy and adds more depth to each scene!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Your goal: Build subtext dialogue into any scenes that you can.

I added subtext dialogue by having Davy make a joke of not even trying to slink away from his grandmother, Meg’s watchful eyes.

27. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM/MAKESHIFT LABORATORY

Davy sniffs the air and smiles. Something smells good. He starts to walk away.

DAVY
I know chocolate when I smell it.

Meg sees him out of the corner of her eye.

MEG
I see you, Davy. Don’t walk away.

DAVY
No problemo, Grans. I know you got eyeballs
the size of grapefruits on the back of your head.

Meg smiles and nods at Davy, then turns back to Tara and they get busy examining the makeshift laboratory and they don’t pay much attention to Davy. Davy grins and slinks away.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned… I have had a lot of fun with this script and creating subtext.