Lesson 4

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom Maximum Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing…A word you used that resonated with me was fluently. One of my goals has been to control my art with more ease. When I need to reach down deep and come up with something powerful these tools are the secret sauce, The Maximum Interest Techniques. If we apply these tools our writing will elevate many levels. I didn’t recognize before that so many of these tools can be used in a single scene. It is a big step forward for me in controlling the quality of my scenes and gain that fluency in screenwriting.

Logline – One of my main characters, Jewel, has been trying to expose the men who killed her mother years ago. She got too close and now they have used their many resources to place her in an off-grid hospital. After a small battle she talks to her sister and tries to get help.

Essence – Jewel is a character people always underestimate. She is more motivated, resourceful, and dangerous than they expect. The essence of this scene – this is part of her sister’s arc in coming over to her deep understanding about the men she is working with.

Maximum Interest Techniques used:

1. Suspense
2. Surprise
3. Character changes radically
4. Uncertainty
5. Added Intrigue
6. Superior Position/Dramatic Irony (You wouldn’t know this unless you read the whole story, but it’s here.)

INT. CHULA VISTA GENERAL HOSPITAL – LATE NIGHT

An ORDERLY unlocks a mesh wire door. He enters an isolated hallway and relocks the door behind himself.

INT. ISOLATED HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

He is looking through rooms. Stops in front of one. Something has caught his attention. He glares inside.

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Jewel stirs in her steel bed. Her dirty hair is matted against her cracked lips. She tries to move her tongue around to get some moisture. She looks as though she is coming out of a coma.
She HEARS the key enter her locked door.

EXT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

The ORDERLY peeks up and down the hall. He slides into the quiet room.

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The Orderly glances down to see Jewel still asleep.
He gets closer to her face, uses his tongue to lick her cheek. He looks for her reaction. She doesn’t move.
He takes a SYRINGE out of his shirt pocket.
He gapes out the small hallway window one last time. There is no one in either direction.
He turns back to see JEWEL standing before him.
She knees him in the groin. He gasps from the blow. She snatches the syringe from his hand.
Jewel the plunges the needle into his back. After a few moments he collapses to the floor and convulses a few times.
Jewel kicks him to confirm he’s out.
She searches through several of his pockets and finds a CELL PHONE. She reaches down and takes the keys.
She punches in a number. Lifts the phone to her ear.

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Jewel inches into the hallway and notices the caged door.

INT. SAN DIEGO CRISIS CENTER – LATE NIGHT -CONTINUOUS

Frances picks up.
FRANCES
San Diego Crisis Center. Can I help you?

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Jewel is whispering.
JEWEL
Frances?

INT. SAN DIEGO CRISIS CENTER – CONTINUOUS

FRANCES
Who is this?

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

JEWEL
Cut the recorder.

INT. SAN DIEGO CRISIS CENTER – CONTINUOUS

FRANCES
Who is this?
Vivian picks up a headset.

VIVIAN
Jewel?

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

JEWEL
Nothing on tape.

INT. SAN DIEGO CRISIS CENTER – CONTINUOUS

Vivian signals for Frances to stop recording. Frances taps a button.

VIVIAN
We’re off.

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
JEWEL

I’m locked up. Think I’m off the books.

INT. SAN DIEGO CRISIS CENTER – CONTINUOUS
FRANCES

Where you at?

VIVIAN
Jewel is it Kaye?

INT. JEWEL’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

JEWEL

All of ‘em.
The line cuts off.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.

[Diane Keranen]

Title: Diane’s Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I was doing the exact opposite for the inciting incident that I needed to do. While the incitement was clear to me as the writer who knows what is behind the interaction between these three characters, the audience needs to see it. The interest techniques help the scene move more quickly than before and more potently than before.

Scene: bottom of 16 – 19

Logline: Claire facilitates Matt’s mission to reunite with his estranged father to overcome combat trauma which Stewart resists for fear of what he sees as another opportunity to fail his son.

The essence of the scene: Matt and Stewart had a very troubled, sometimes violent father/son relationship. Claire believes they can reunite because they have something in common now that they didn’t before: combat trauma. Matt never understood why his father was so distant but he does now and uses Claire to clear the way for the two men to face their shared history.

Interest techniques used: Intrigue, Surprise, Character changes radically, and Uncertainty.

INT. MATT’S PICK-UP – DAY

He’s in a fast-food drive-thru and makes a call. Listens through a couple rings then,

MATT
Hey, Mom.

As he talks, he’s highly aware of the activity around him.

CLAIRE (O.S.)
(excited)
Matt. Thank goodness. I’ve been calling and calling. Where are you?

MATT
(chuckles)
Yeah, I see that. Just to got Atlanta.

INT. CLAIRE’S CAR – DAY

CLAIRE JEDRICK, 68, pulls to the side of Stewart’s narrow driveway and makes room for an SUV driving out. She gives the driver a polite finger-wave and smiles as they pass each other.

CLAIRE
You sound terrific. When will you…

She drives up near the woodshop where Stewart still stands.

INT. MATT’S PICK-UP – DAY

MATT
Dad know I’m back?

CLAIRE (O.S.)
Hold on a sec, sweetie.

He listens. We hear her car door open, she gets out, and muffled, friendly greetings.

MATT
Is that him?
EXT. STEWART’S WOODSHOP – CONTINUOUS

Stewart holds Claire’s door open and assists her out with her hand in his. Claire stands at the open car door and brings the phone back up to her ear. He lets go of her hand and steps back.

CLAIRE
Yes.
She wears a sweater over a pretty blouse and jeans. She comes across as gentle and caring. She’s quick to smile.

She turns toward Stewart who is watching her with a mix of curiosity, suspicion, and warmth.

MATT (O.S.)
He good with this?

She meets Stewart’s gaze directly.

CLAIRE
Yes. He’s good with this.

Whether speaking to Matt or Stewart we’re not sure. Stewart cocks his head at her words. Claire continues,

CLAIRE
I promise you. He is.

She steps closer to Stewart. The way she moves is soft and flowing compared to the steady, sturdy moves of both Matt and Stewart. He closes the door for her.

CLAIRE
When can we expect you?

MATT (O.S.)
Um, I’m gonna take my time. Take a scenic route. Reset a bit.

STEWART
That Matt?
Claire continues listening to her son but looks at Stewart.

CLAIRE
Okay. Okay. I understand.

STEWART
(more demanding)
Claire?

She nods.

He shakes his head and loses patience.

Stewart reaches for her phone.

MATT (O.S.)
Tell him I’ll be there in a couple days.

Stewart takes the phone as much as Claire gives it to him.

STEWART
(angrily)
Matt?

He lists. He hands her back the phone with a still angry glare.

STEWART
You promise? What exactly does that mean?

She shrugs nonchalantly and looks back where SUV drove off.

CLAIRE
Sold it did you?
Stewart’s glare burns through her attempt to change the topic.

STEWART
Jesus Christ, Claire. Just say it.

She reads him for a moment.

CLAIRE
He’s coming to see you.

STEWART
(scoffs in disbelief)
Yeah?

CLAIRE
It’ll be good.

STEWART
It won’t.
CLAIRE
It can’t be like last times he came home.

Stewart barely listens as he lights up a cigarette.

STEWART
You know I’d do anything for you, but this…

Takes another drag. Blows it away from her.

STEWART
… is not a good idea.

Claire presses on.

CLAIRE
(coaxing)
Will you hear him out?

Stewart’s expression grows dark.
STEWART
He sober?

CLAIRE
Sara says he is.

STEWART
Doesn’t matter what she says. Is he sober?

Claire shrugs and looks down before meeting Stewart’s stare.

CLAIRE
Honestly, I don’t know.

An uneasy pause, then, in almost a whisper,

CLAIRE
He can be though. With your help.

Stewart takes another drag on his cigarette as he walks to the open doors of the woodshop. She watches as his mood grows reflective.

CLAIRE
It wasn’t your fault.

STEWART
You weren’t there.

CLAIRE
No. But I was close. It was all of us. It’s different today. There’s more help available.

Stewart looks around at the shop, the cabin, the woods around him. He steps into the woodshop. She follows.

INT. STEWART’S WOODSHOP – CONTINUOUS

CLAIRE
And. I was also thinking…

He turns to expect a complication.

CLAIRE
…that they should move into the house.
STEWART
What house?

She hasn’t answered.

STEWART
Your house?
He stops. Stares, more glares, at her.

CLAIRE
(almost pleading)
They can’t keep renting and Jake needs a home to grow up in. The last time Matt was back he…
(loses composure)
I can’t have him reenlist, Stewart. I just can’t!

Stewart softens.
CLAIRE
If he could just find his own space.
(speaking faster)
Stewart, the house would be perfect. They could be a family there. Matt, Sara, Jake. There’s a family history there. Different than ours.

Stewart crushes out his cigarette and turns to her.

STEWART
And you?
(waits for her answer)
You said “Matt, Sara, Jake” as a family. You living there too?

Claire subconsciously glances in the direction of the cabin before meeting Stewart’s gaze.

The look at each other. He knows what’s coming.

CLAIRE
I would…

They pause. Eyes locked. Claire expectant. Stewart unyeilding, almost frightening.

STEWART
(stunned)
Oh, Jesus, Claire.

CLAIRE
We, you always said, “when the time was right.” Well, the time is right.

She lets it sink in.

CLAIRE
You promised.

He can’t believe this is happening. He pulls the Zippo out of his pocket and grips it.

CLAIRE
And now. I promised too.

He looks at his hand with the Zippo in his grip.

CLAIRE
So… what are we going to do?

Stewart, his fist shaking with frustration, slams the fist onto his workbench. Claire takes in a deep breath. She’s ready to keep going.

STEWART
(shoots his answer toward her)
Tell him he can come here. Oh, nevermind. You already did.

They look each other in the eye again. She grows softer. He grows more tense.