Lesson 4

[mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier]

(Mark Napier) Max Interest Part 1

Take a scene that needs to be more interesting and use the Interest list to brainstorm more interesting ways to write it.
“What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is….?” I learned to adapt the Interest Techniques into a scene to offer greater entertainment value and layered depth to the scene and serve as reinforcement of the essence of the scene.

Take these steps:
1. Select the scene from your script that needs help and give us a logline for that scene.
Logan is sent to disarm, secure and expel a colleague from country under false pretense in what turns outs to be a ruse.

2. Tell us the essence of the scene. This scene has the hero being forced into a potentially dangerous situation of disarming a colleague who reportedly was violent earlier in the evening and is being expelled from country under false pretenses.

3. Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest techniques for the rewrite.
Uncertainty: Logan is walking into a possible violent and armed situation to disarm a colleague who earlier was reported to have pulled a knife.

Suspense: Logan must disarm Gary, so he shows empathy to soften the blow, but is ready to draw down on Gary if necessary.

Surprise: Logan is expecting a violent non-compliant individual he has to disarm, but in sharp contrast the colleague is just the opposite and is compliant with commands, not aggressive and his demeanor is not what he expected.

Mislead / Reveal: Gary is told to hand over the knife that in an earlier scene was said to be a throwing knife. The knife handed to Logan is bell shaped and could never be used for a throwing knife.

Betrayal: Gary asks for the Chief of Security (Tom) to read his supporting documents that shows he is the wrong individual being expelled from country. When Tom declines, Gary feels defeated and shamed.

4. Rewrite the scene using as many interest techniques as you can and include the newly rewritten scene in your post.

SCENE 8.: INT – CIA MILITARY LIAISON CELL – 42 INFANTRY DIVISION, TIKRIT, IRAQ – NIGHT

DESCRIPTION – SERIES OF SHOTS: Logan and the Chief of Security (Tom) disembark the helicopter, and both walk to the building that houses the liaison team where they find Gary standing with his duffle bag ready for departure.

LOGAN

Knocks and enters the office first.

TOM

Takes a position behind Logan as a human shield.

LOGAN

With empathy.
Hi Gary! (Uncertainty)
You no doubt know why we are here.

GARY

Nods his head yes without a word.

LOGAN

I am sorry! (Suspense)
I have to ask you for your side arm.

GARY

Yeah! … Sure! … No problem! (Surprise)

Gary hands his Glock 9mm and 3 magazines to Logan

TOM

Dryly adding with a glare…

And the knife too!

GARY

Complying without a word, Gary pulls it from his side cargo pocket.
Hands it to Logan who looks at it.
The knife in question is a 6-inch bell shaped blade. (Mislead / Reveal)

LOGAN

OK…Well let’s go.
We have a helicopter outside waiting.

GARY

Gary extends a handful of documents out to Tom to read.

But wait! (Betrayal)
Can’t you read this first?

BEAT

Please???

TOM

Nodding his head no.

No. Let’s go!

GARY

Gary’s facial expression reflects defeat.

I don’t know why …
I am being treated this way?

LOGAN

I’m sorry, but we need to go now.

LOGAN, GARY and TOM

Depart the building in a single file with Logan in the lead for the helicopter.

• This reply was modified 18 hours, 7 minutes ago by  mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned: It’s still boring by my standards. This is a rewrite. It’s hard to stay true to another writer’s (bland) vision but I’m just getting to know the characters so I can make them more interesting as I go. Then I’ll return to earlier scenes and make them act according to their profiles. At the moment, I’m not sure how far I can go with additional interest techniques, at least for this scene.

LOGLINE: Lucy finds out that everybody has known the plan and she’s the last to find out.

ESSENCE: 4 friends are planning a harrowing adventure that no one has ever done successfully. Lucy is the holdout but they need her skills if they want to come back alive.

Suspense

Uncertainty

EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY

ABE (25) short, quick on his feet, he moves like a water-bug, an expressive protector.

He aims at a circular target in the distance.

DAWSON (21) tall, golden skin and a quiet demeanor. He takes a wide stance with a confident certainty as he pulls the trigger of his .45.

ABE

How'd you do?

DAWSON

Not bad. Haven't practiced much.

Abe taps Dawson, points to Sol and Lucy as they approach.

Dawson trains the gun on them, closes one eye.

Abe smacks Dawson harder, pushes him off balance to disarm the bad joke.

ABE

Sol! Lucy! Did you catch the first crescent?

He hugs both young women.

SOL

Yes, Happy Aires.

DAWSON

Oh, Nice! Happy Aires.

He twirls his gun like an old western sharp-shooter. Then eyes the situation with the girls.

DAWSON

Soooo, did you two have a chat?

LUCY

You guys have been in on this for some time, haven't you?!
Abe plays dumb. Reloads his gun.

ABE

Don't know what you're talking about. We're just doing target practice for no particular reason whatsoever.

LUCY

Dawson?

ABE

Oh, you'll believe the guy who just pointed his gun at you?

DAWSON

Hey, totally empty chamber. I unloaded all the ammo right into that bullseye. Jealous much?

Abe grabs Dawson in a headlock. Dawson reverses in a master wrestling move.
Abe ends up on his knees, avoiding a full take-down.

Sol sighs, the epitome of female maturity.

SOL

Can we please… ?

Lucy crosses her arms. Waits.

The guys pause in their scrap.

ABE

Okay, not that long, but we knew we needed a solid plan to convince you. Are you in?

She throws up her arms and turns an exasperated circle.

Sol smiles knowing what the answer will be. Eventually.

DAWSON

See, I told you she'd be the holdout.

LUCY

What am I gonna do? Stay home while my best friends discover the far reaches of reality?

Shocked silence. The boys cheer and high-five. More hugs.

DAWSON

That was faster than expected.

ABE

I knew you would. Never doubted.

It's Dawson's turn to punch Abe.

Sol gets between them to stop another testosterone brawl.

SOL

Let's meet at my place tonight to go through the details. My mom will have dinner for us.

At the sound of Sol's parents Lucy gives a look.

LUCY

Did they help with this plan too?

SOL

No comment.

LUCY

Geeez, everyone is in on it.

Abe puts his arm around Lucy's shoulder.

ABE

We love our homebody. You're the lifeline to these lunatics.

Dawson smacks the back of his head.

Sol picks up the .22 and fires 4 shots dead center while the boys go at it again.

She hands the gun to Lucy who shoots with the same precision.

SOL

We got your back.

LUCY

Sure nothing at all to worry about.

Lucy rolls her eyes and shakes her head, not fully convinced.