Lesson 4

[Ruthie Harris]

Ruthie’s New Outline Beats!

What I Learnt: Highlighted where my plot holes are, including the lack of escalating stakes between the protagonist and antagonist. Therefore, this outline will need to evolve and expand accordingly.

(In order to keep track of this latest version, I have added slug lines. Additions are *)

Act 1:

Talent agent Zadie is forced to take former child star Jasper on as a client and inadvertently steals his comeback role.

OPENING:

EXT/INT. ZADIE’S CAR – LOS ANGELES – DAY

Zadie is pulled over for speeding.

*EXT. LA COURTHOUSE – DAY

Turns out she led the cop car to her court appointment.

* INT. COURT HOUSE – DAY

Her traffic violations see her banned from driving for 12 months.

* INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY

Zadie has her assistant Audrey set up an Uber account.

Inciting Incident:

INT. UBER DRIVER’S CAR – DAY

Zadie’s Uber driver is former child star Jasper Benjamin, who blackmails her into taking him on as a client or banning her from the app.

* INT. INDOOR SKY DIVING – DAY

She meets director Molly Palmer. They discuss an indy project, that Zadie thinks could be perfect for Jasper.

*INT. CASTING SUITE – DAY

Jasper nails the audition – it’s like lightening in a bottle – it looks like the part will be his.

*INT. DISUSED WAREHOUSE – DAY

At the callback, Molly overhears Zadie running lines with Jasper and asks her to audition.

Turning Point:

*INT. DEPARTMENT STORE CHANGING ROOMS – DAY

Zadie receives the call she’s been offered the role instead and must break the news to Jasper.

Act 2:

New plan:

* INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY

Jasper storms in unannounced and goes on a tirade against Zadie in front of all her colleagues.

* INT. FILMING – MONTAGE

The movie goes into production and Zadie has a complete blast making it.

SIX MONTHS LATER:

*INT. FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING – NIGHT

The film debuts at the film festival to major buzz.

Plan in action:

She’s the perfect antidote to the typical Hollywood ingenue. Everyone wants a piece of Zadie.

*PLOT POINT- ESCALATING STAKES TO BE DETERMINED

Jasper’s scheme to take Zadie down.

*INT. PATTERSON & ASSOCIATES – DAY

Jasper is poached by rival agent – Emily ‘mutherfucking” Patterson.

Midpoint Turning Point:

INT. FILM FEST PARTY – NIGHT

It’s assumed Zadie is gay, after images of her kissing comic Ledicia, go viral on social media.

* INT. DAY-TIME TALK SHOW – DAY

Zadie refuses to acknowledge her sexuality, saying it shouldn’t matter. She’s loud, proud and embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, having won a role meant for a man.

Act 3:

Rethink everything:

INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY

Zadie is fired from her agency since clients are leaving in droves due to Jasper’s smear campaign.

*PLOT POINT- ESCALATING STAKES TO BE DETERMINED

(JASPER’S NOTORIETY IS RISING AS ZADIE’S REPUTATION IS SINKING)

New plan:

INT. DENTIST – DAY

Zadie receives a call to say she’s been nominated for a major acting award.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

*INT. CAR – DAY

Jasper launches a celebrity chat show from his cab. His guest is Ledicia and Zadie is “outed” as straight.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

INT. AWARDS CEREMONY – NIGHT

She wins but at the podium turns down her award – stating that it should have gone to Jasper.

Resolution:

INT. ZADIE’S NEW OFFICE – DAY

Zadie has launched her own agency. Her new clients include Jasper Benjamin and Ledicia.

Reveal: Zadie and Jasper were actually lovers, who leveraged Zadie’s success to re-launch Jasper’s career. While Zadie overcame her imposter syndrome to open her own agency.

[Alyssa Giannola]

Alyssa’s New Outline Beats!

One Sentence Vision: I want to be the best writer I can be and a go-to writer in the industry, crafting scripts that become successful movies which make a lasting impact on people.

What I learned from this assignment is…to go over the plot with a fine toothed comb and work out the knots and problem areas. Still trying out a few things to see what works best, especially with Nijara and AI. My Act 2 is a bit beefy while Act 3 is a bit lean- pondering if this is a problem or not. I added Celia’s beats to keep things more organized.

Genre: Action / Sci-fi

ACT 1: Alex becomes a Fate Runner and receives the Death Fortune

Opening

Alex PJ 1: Opening scene of Alex as a child: his father has the Death Fortune and tries to kill himself along with his wife and Alex- Alex escapes but both his parents die. (Wound)

Genre Convention: Open with action

Deeper Layer: Alex was the one who caused his father to receive the Death Fortune

Alex PJ 2: 30 years later, Alex announces his secret project at a gala to free people from “Fate” (science/serum). His speech is not well-received.

Deeper Layer: Alex is driven by guilt to destroy Fate like it destroyed his family

Nijara AJ 1 (off screen): Nijara sends Alex the delayed fortune at the behest of the AI.

INCITING INCIDENT: During his speech, Alex receives a delayed fortune to destroy the experiment in the next 15 minutes!

Genre Convention: Demand for action (ticking clock)

Alex PJ 3: Alex tries to save the experiment which results in his assistant’s death and the experiment being destroyed anyway.

Deeper Layer: Guilt drives Alex to not give up on his goal even when it’s illogical/dangerous.

Celia TJ 1: Celia arrives to the scene in a cop car to interrogate Alex (off the books) and discover what happened.

Alex PJ 4: They argue about his obsession.

Alex PJ 5: Alex goes home alone while Celia sleeps at the precinct.

Deeper Layer: Alex’s relentless obsession is driving them towards divorce, although neither will admit it yet.

TURNING POINT 1: Alex receives the Death Fortune!

ACT 2: Alex recruits Celia to help him escape death before time’s up.

Genre Convention: The hero must escape the inescapable

New Plan

Alex PJ 6: Alex takes public transport to the precinct to get Celia’s help.

Alex PJ 7: The transport malfunctions and almost kills him.

Nijara AJ 2: Nijara/AI tries to kill Alex via technology but it fails.

Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (death is close!)

Celia TJ 2: Celia’s partner at the precinct, Parker, tries to convince her to leave Alex.

Secret: Parker is in love with Celia.

Alex PJ 8: Alex arrives and has a bit of a tiff with Parker.

Alex PJ 9: Alex asks Celia to protect him for the day.

Celia TJ 3: Celia takes Alex to the morgue to convince him that he can’t escape the Death Fortune by running. She tells him there might be another way: through the church.

Alex PJ 10: Alex agrees to use Celia’s church contact to try and petition the Fate Walker to change his fate.

Secret: Celia doesn’t tell Alex that her fortune is to kill him.

Plan in Action

Celia TJ 4: At the church, Celia requests an audience with the Fate Walker which is promptly denied by the priest.

Alex PJ 11: A church member slips Alex a secret message to meet up later.

Nijara AJ 3 (off screen): Nijara unleashes an assassin to kill Alex, since Celia hasn’t yet.

Hidden Identity: The assassin is Parker, Celia’s partner.

Alex PJ 12: Alex and Celia head to the Market where the message said to meet.

Alex PJ 13: The church member leads them to a secret room and tells them his suspicions about the Church.

Celia TJ 5: Celia realizes there’s a bomb and is able to save Alex before it goes off, but it mortally wounds the church member.

Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (someone else is after Alex!)

Deeper Layer: Parker set the bomb but tried to call Celia to lead her away (missed call).

Celia TJ 6: Celia chases after the assassin but can’t catch him.

Alex PJ 14: Alex tries to save the dying church member and ends up getting key info on the Fate Walker (her location? How to find her?).

Alex PJ 15: Alex and Celia have to enlist Parker’s help to gain access to the Fate Walker (they have the location but need help getting there?)

Deeper Layer/Hidden Identity: Parker wants to kill Alex but can’t because of Celia’s presence. They don’t know he’s the assassin (and neither does the audience).

Nijara AJ 4 (off screen): Nijara gives Parker permission to help Alex and Celia meet her.

Deeper Layer: Nijara is planning to kill them herself!

Genre Convention: Antagonist who is clearly corrupt / malicious

Alex PJ 16: Alex and Celia meet Nijara and their conversation quickly escalates, resulting in Alex pulling a gun on Nijara and her revealing she is able to mind/band control them both (limited power/control though- make this clear and make sense).

Nijara AJ 5: Nijara reveals the truth about the AI to Alex and Celia.

Deeper Layer: Nijara believes she is a partner with the AI (deception on the part of the AI)

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Nijara and the AI are controlling people behind the scenes!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Alex finds out Celia is fated to kill him!

TURNING POINT 2 – MIDPOINT: Alex discovers the truth about who Fate really is and Nijara accidentally reveals the missing piece for his serum (working on this part). Alex and Celia escape!

Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)

Act 3: Finish the serum before the data is lost forever.

Rethink Everything & New Plan

Alex PJ 17: Alex connects with his lead tech, Lila, in order to get access to his lab before incineration.

Nijara AJ 6: Nijara is reprimanded for letting someone leave with the knowledge of the AI. She raises the stakes for Parker to kill Alex: if he fails, he dies next.

Deeper Layer: The AI starts to consider Nijara as a weak link.

Deeper Layer: Nijara has never been scolded like this by the AI, as if she was a wayward child instead of a partner.

Alex PJ 18: Alex and Celia break into the lab with Lila’s help.

Alex PJ 19: Alex is almost done with the the serum as the incineration begins but Parker arrives to finish him off.

Celia TJ 7: Celia fights off Parker (not knowing it’s him) as the building burns while Alex finishes the serum.

Alex PJ 20: They barely escape with one vial of the serum.

Deeper Layer: In order to kill Alex, Parker has to kill Celia, and he can’t do it, which allows them time to escape.

Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)

Nijara AJ 7: Nijara wants to kill Alex herself to prove she’s capable. The AI denies her request; instead, it sets the robots after Alex.

Alex PJ 21: The robots in the city turn hostile towards Alex, forcing him and Celia to go into hiding.

Alex PJ 22: With no way out and limited time left, Alex takes the serum.

Deeper Layer: He has to know if it worked (still obsessed, hasn’t quite changed yet). Also, he is at the end of his rope and thinks there’s no way out even though Celia does (all is lost?)

Alex PJ 23: The chemicals from the band interact badly with the serum and Alex starts to lose his mind.

Celia TJ 8: Celia cuts off his arm/hand with the band on it.

TURNING POINT 3: Alex doesn’t die revealing that his serum works! But there was only one vial: now Alex’s mind and blood hold the secret. If he dies, so does the chance of freedom.

Deeper Layer: Alex is vindicated but also starts to understand Celia’s sacrifice for him and realizes how much he loves for her.

ACT 4: Alex must get across the city to give his blood and instructions to Lila before Fate wins (time is almost up).

Alex PJ 24: Alex and Celia hijack a sky car to quickly get across the city as the robots close in.

Genre Convention: Escalating action (car chase!) and higher stakes (they have to save the whole city!)

Alex PJ 25: Alex and Celia split up in the middle of the chase in separate cars.

Climax

Nijara AJ 8: Nijara’s robots chase and take down Celia’s car, giving Alex a clean getaway.

Alex PJ 26: Alex crashes into the robots, destroying them, and saves Celia.

Transformational Journey: Putting himself and his goal in jeopardy to save someone he loves, from selfish ambition to selfless sacrifice.

Nijara AJ 9: Nijara arrives, defying the AI’s orders, and takes control of Celia. Orders her to kill Alex. Alex encourages Celia to do it.

Deeper Layer: Alex cares too much about Celia to let her die for him, even if it dooms the world. His arc is complete.

Celia TJ 9: Celia is able to fight the mind control and kills Nijara instead of Alex.

Nijara AJ 10: Nijara dies.

Deeper Layer: The AI knows Nijara is officially off the rails and undermines her power, giving Celia enough control back to kill Nijara.

Alex PJ 27: They think they’ve won but Parker arrives and fatally shoots Alex.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Parker is the assassin!

Resolution

Alex PJ 28: Alex dies one minute AFTER the deadline, beating fate after all.

Celia TJ 10: Celia receives the Death Fortune and takes a vial of Alex’s blood to finish his mission.

Nijara AJ 11: Nijara is reborn as a clone.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Nijara thought she was a free human but is actually a clone created by the AI as its servant/slave.

Deeper Layer: Nijara starts to wonder if she’s on the wrong side.

[Marguerite Langstaff]

Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting

Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501

Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.

What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.

State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.

Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.

The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.

Working forward:

GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.

GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.

The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.

GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.

Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.

Working backwards:

GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…

The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.

In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.

Turning points:

For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.

Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s New Outline Beats

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that a beat sheet needs to be checked to make sure scenes develop logically and all advance the protagonist’s journey.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

FR 1: Freida asks for the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin, gets it, and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.

DEEPER LAYER: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.

PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER : Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.

REVEAL 1: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born.

REVEAL 2: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand.

REVEAL 3: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

REVEAL 4: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

REVEAL 5: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.

With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.

The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.

REVEAL 6: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game.

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother.

REVEAL 7: FR7: Coaxed by Libby and Allison, Freida tells her pendant story and becomes convinced that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and would not face jail time in the USA.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

FR 8: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

PJ 8: Libby become discouraged when she can’t get a taxi to stop.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 9: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Libby wonders if Helga and Heinz will remember their vow to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.

REVEAL 8: AL 8: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth.

FR 10: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.

ACT 4: A Berliner drives them to the park and all three get what they want.

FR 11: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

AL 9: Allison jumps from the car, plays her violin while telling the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic and gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

FR 12: Freida drives high speed as Allison gives directions and Libby closes her eyes and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.

STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby.

AL 10: Allison is surprised to see her grandparents, Hank and Helen, who were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result. She jumps onto a bewildered Stuart.

REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant which he wanted her to have and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest.

FR 12: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them.

AL 11: Allison says if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic, she’d like to live with Freida’s mother.

PJ 10: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies.

What I learned: Several gaps in my story presented themselves.

Beats:

AJ: Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

PJ: Inciting Incident:  A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

PJ: Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He finds God as he watches the sheep.

AJ Deeper Layer: By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick for she knows he is the one.

PJ: Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb. Asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies.

PJ: Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. He heads towards the coast and freedom.

PJ: On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

AJ: Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. States he may still be of some use, to be ready to serve.

PJ: Patrick is weak from his journey, falls unconscious.

AJ: Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him.

PJ: A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy.

PJ: Patrick finds passage back to England.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked.

PJ: Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them.

PJ: At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

PJ: First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, leaves for Ireland, against his parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

PJ: New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

AJ: Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick.

AJ: Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.

PJ: Patrick sets up crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God.

AJ: Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses.

AJ: Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way. She shapeshifts into a blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her.

PJ: Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Act 3.

PJ: Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God, Patrick keeps the druids from killing him. One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid, BACRAH, to keep Patrick from the king. Bacrah uses magic but Patrick’s power is greater.

AJ: Patrick makes his way to the king, attempts to evangelize him but the king dies before turning to God.

PJ: Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God.

New Plan: Go after the High King!

REVEAL: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.

AJ: Turning point at end of Act 3:  The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

PJ: Patrick climbs mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death.

PJ: Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith.

AJ: Morrigan sends snakes to attack Patrick.

PJ: Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

PJ: Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear.  He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

AJ, PJ: Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

AJ: Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

PJ: Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[H. Vince]

H. Vince’s New Outline Beats!

WIM Module 4 – 2023

Lesson 4: Basic Plotting

My Vision: I am going to be a professional screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

making sure the flow makes sense. And most importantly being okay with it not being perfect to do the assignment and keep moving forward.

TITLE: DREAM VACATION

GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER

MAIN CONFLICT:

James starts developing dementia while he and his wife, Clara are on their retirement vacation. Clara has to take care of James and try to bring him back to the U.S. all while trying to figure out what happened to her husband.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: DRAMATIC TRIANGLE

Act 1: James and Clara excited to go on their dream retirement vacation.

PLOT FILL IN:

Show the couple boarding the plane with excitement.

Show the couple enjoying the plane ride

-holding hands

-having some drinks

-smiling

-saying they can’t believe it’s finally here

-telling someone on the plane it’s their dream vacation

-James telling Clara he planed a couple of good surprises

Inciting Incident: James shows signs of memory loss.

PLOT FILL IN:

-James forgets where he is

-Clara takes advantage of their travel insurance to take James to a doctor

Act 2: Clara decides she needs to take James home.

PLOT FILL IN:

-Clara books tickets to leave the next day

-James forgets who Clara is

-Clara wakes up the next day and James is missing

Act 3: Clara needs to find her missing husband, James.

PLOT FILL IN:

-Clara contacts the travel insurance doctor

-Clara contacts her kids to tell them what happened

-James and Clara’s son books a flight to help his mom find his dad

-The doctor abroad contacts James’s doctor back home

-Clara gets assistance to find James

Act 4: Clara finds out that the edible James took was from a clinical trial that accelerated memory loss and he is still under clinical trial.

PLOT FILL IN:

-Clara’s son’s flight is cancelled

-Clara’s son contacts a lawyer

-Clara finds James

-James is too scared to board flight home

Resolution: Clinical trial ends. Vacation did not go as expected.

PLOT FILL IN:

-James regaining cognitive abilities

-James and Clara’s doctor sued

-James says they can try a different vacation

-Clara gets cancer

[Melissa Barreca]

Melissa Barreca’s New Outline Beats!

My vision: Melissa Barreca is one of the most sought after writers in the movie industry because of the artistry of her writing, professionalism and exceptional ability to tell important, entertaining, joyful, and heartbreaking stories that inspire audiences and become legendary classics.

What I learned…It seems like most of the work I needed to do was in regards to setting up later scenes with foreshadowing and setting up the importance of later scenes and character traits. So, lots of additions in the first act!

Torn Away — Beat Sheet, with New Beats

Genre: Drama

Act 1: Coming to America…a dream quickly becomes a nightmare.

Foreshadowing: Clover Field, Kids playing, Singing, Suddenly stopping at the sight of dead, emaciated bodies on the edge of the field

Empathy/Character Intro Protagonist, Norah Murphy – An immigrant family helps their daughter and son-in-law pack and depart for America.

PJ1 Norah – Arrival at port; beginning journey to America.

Wretched arrival in NYC/Ellis Island. Chaos; the family is worn and emaciated from a hard journey; expectations are shattered.

Mick meets them at the gate. Empathy/Character Intro, Antagonist, Mick Kilcullen

PJ2 – Settling in a new land. Arriving in the Five Points, the stench is unbearable and the new family is appalled at the pitiful sight of poor beggars and street children everywhere.

Meet key neighbors/introduce supporting characters.

We see the adoption agents working on the street with poor children.

Arrival at the apartment. They are saddened by the bare room with dirt everywhere, but neighbors continue to pour in with offerings of a bit of food or a shawl or blanket to welcome them and it warms their hearts.

Tenement Life…Doyle arrives home after dark, covered in dirt and pitifully exhausted. They discuss bringing in subleases to help pay the rent, but Doyle is against it.

A baby girl is born. PJ3 – Norah, Doyle and their many neighbors celebrate the birth of this new child and also share their plight. Mick brings them food and whiskey, giving Doyle a pat on the back that is a bit too rough and unsettling. We sense jealousy.

AJ2 – Turning Point: A night at the local parlor and too much whiskey leads Mick and Doyle into a fight. Doyle into a bad deal that leads him into trouble with criminals who beat him and leave him for dead.

PJ4 – Inciting Incident – Mick comes to Norah and tells her that Doyle is “killed at the factory.”

He immediately tries to make advances on Norah, which is totally inappropriate and she tells him so.

We see Norah working as a garment maker in her home and it is brutal and low paid labor. Her older child is talking in his sleep to his daddy, and asking him why he died and came back.

AJ3 – Mick comes to her aid. Mick offers help to Norah but it is clear from his advances that he wants to take the place of Doyle. He is overbearing and gruff and impatient with her efforts at independence.

Neighbors come to the aid of the family as they are able but it is hard times for all.

Norah takes in subleasers to help with rent.

PJ5 – Norah’s older children begin to spend time on the street and try to earn money to help the family – they are seven and four years old.

Mick does not approve and tells her that her kids should be sent away for a better life.

One of the subleasers comes down with a horrible cough. The sickness spreads.

PJ6 – Turning Point: Norah loses her infant daughter to cholera.

Act 2: Better Off

PJ1 – Starving and Freezing – Norah is resisting full reliance on Mick and has only taken his charity, but it is not enough to help her feed her children and keep their apartment heated in New York’s brutal winter. But his gifts always come with whiskey and romantic advances.

Norah is forced out of her apartment and now homeless, must move in with Mick, along with her children.

Destitute, they arrive on Mick’s doorstep. He takes them in.

Mick treats the children horribly and is possessive over Norah.

Mick forces himself on Norah. He makes it clear that he is not looking to get married. Norah doesn’t dare make a sound or stop him because the children are nearby and she doesn’t want them to be hurt or know.

She begins to drink at the grocery in their building. At first it’s just a drink or two.

AJ1 – Killing Themselves – Mick is losing patience with Norah’s insistence on keeping the children and tells her that she is selfish for keeping her children and he gaslights her into believing that she is choosing to make them suffer when they could have a perfectly good life elsewhere.

Norah drinks some more and cries.

Mick reports the kids to a local charitable group because he says he is worried about them. We see Mick call them, but Norah doesn’t know it was him.

PJ2 – A home visit by the Children’s Home Society sees Norah being convinced that she is abusing her children by keeping them when the workers find that she has been drinking. She resists the call to give them up for adoption.

Mick is shown to be withholding his money from providing food and clothing to the kids, but Norah is unaware of how much money he is not sharing and how much he spends at the saloon.

AJ2 – Taken In – as the children beg, Mick has had enough. He takes them to the local foundation and tells the workers they need to be adopted.

He tells Norah the kids were taken off the street. She doesn’t know he was involved.

PJ3 – Norah is summoned. She is drinking again. She tearfully agrees and believes she has no choice but to let them go.

Norah brings the children to the charity and surrenders them. The separation is agonizing.

Mick is supportive to Norah’s face and condescending to her when speaking with the workers behind her back, playing both sides.

PJ4 – Norah spirals into a dark place. Dependent on Mick, without her children, she increasingly hits the bottle and submits to Mick’s will in exchange for his shelter and food.

She gets pregnant and miscarries.

She is depressed. Mourning her husband and missing her children. She feels like a failure and considers suicide.

Mick is now fully abusive. He yells at Norah and threatens violence. He grabs her roughly. We see Norah live in fear. She doesn’t know what to do and is allowing Mick to lorde over her.

Midpoint: A chance meeting with an old neighbor at the grocery bar who “was surprised she allowed Mick to take her beautiful children away” causes Norah to become aware that she was manipulated by Mick.

She did not need to let the children go. It is Mick that wanted this. She is bitter, angry and — she stays and goes along with it because her fear and depression is greater.

AJ3: Mick has made Norah his own. We see their domestic “bliss” play out with Norah going through the motions as his “wife” and Mick telling her that she is not good enough.

PJ4/Turning Point 2 – A Spark Moment – Mick nonchalantly tells Norah he has sold her wedding veil to pay for some whiskey. She is heartbroken and something in her snaps and she sees him for who he is. She has lost her last memento that reminds her of Doyle and her old life with the children. We see her take the last bit of whiskey in her glass and pour it into the chamber pot.

PJ5 – Plan in action – Norah secretly meets the adoption agent who knows about her children. We have seen this man at work with the children and we know he is good.

PJ6 – Norah talks with a trusted neighbor and hatches a plan. She cannot support the kids. Her adoption agent has assured her that the kids are happy in a home of wealthy and loving parents.

Mick intrudes on their meeting. A scene with Mick where we understand that he is not truly happy with Norah the way he thought he would be. And we see evidence that he is hiding something about Doyle.

Adoption agents contact parents who adopted Norah’s children to discuss reuniting them.

PJ7 – Another meeting with the Adoption agent reveals that the family is looking for a domestic and he can get her the job. This seems too good to be true.

AJ4 – Rage – Mick follows Norah to the adoption agency and finds out Norah has been plotting. When she arrives at their apartment, he threatens her life and flies off the handle in a drunken rage. He wants her to himself. He doesn’t want the children in their lives.

PJ8 – Placated again – Norah calms Mick with more whiskey and swears that she doesn’t want her children. He passes out. She is at a new low and has no idea what to do.

Act 3: Flown the Coop

AJ1 – Missing – Mick awakes to find that Norah is gone. He breaks the few items of furniture they have in a fit of rage.

Norah is at the adoption agency and talking with children as she waits to meet her contacts. It is bittersweet.

Adoption agents offer to bring Norah with them so that she can finally see her kids again but she will need to help them on the journey in exchange for her passage.

PJ1 – Orphan Train – Norah is boarding a train with adoption agents and children that are to be adopted, they have offered to bring her along on the journey in the hopes of reuniting her with her children. It has been one year since they left. They are now eight and five years old.

PJ2 – Norah helps orphan children, rediscovering her motherhood instincts – She helps the children at two stops of the train before getting to the town where her children have been adopted.

Turning Point 3: Norah is reunited with her children.

They offer Norah a live-in position as a domestic servant where she can live in the house with the children. It seems like the happy ending we wanted.

AJ2 – Mick has gone off the deep end. He is back in the neighborhood looking for Norah.

When Mick finds her friend with information, he interrogates her and ends up killing her. It’s brutal and scary. We fear for Norah and the children.

Act 4: Revenge and Fear

Act 4 Major Shift: Norah is working in the yard alone and is grabbed from behind and dragged off into a barn. We do not see her assailant.

PJ1 – Climax – Norah fights back. In the barn, it’s an all out brawl in the dark. The attacker fiercely beats her and attempts to tie her up. Major Reveal: The subdued Norah is tied and she is dragged into the light. Her attacker is Doyle. She explodes in disbelief, anger, fear, confusion.

AJ1 – Mick arrives in a carriage to take Norah back to New York.

The men discuss the exchange. We find out that Doyle was the reason that she was “given” to Mick. He has returned to find her and bring her back to Mick.

Norah questions them. Doyle is the ultimate traitor who exchanged his wife for passage to America and a fresh start, he disappeared with the help of Mick and has left his family to suffer. Mick was helping him escape the men who were trying to kill him. But Mick was the reason he was in the mess in the first place. Doyle turned to a life of crime on the run, a complete change of character.

AJ2 – The disillusioned Mick still believes that Norah will go back with him and believes that he has won the battle, she is too weak to fight back. He tries to take Norah into the carriage, but she fights back with a hidden knife and kills him.

PJ2 – With Mick’s blood on her hands, Norah turns to her betrayer, Doyle. She is having a complete fit of rage. She lunges at Doyle and cuts him.

AJ3 – Doyle is backed into a corner. He admits that he has been tracking her since she left, lurking in the shadows, waiting for his moment.

She screams at him and physically pounds at him with her fists.

He cries out in sorrow and tells her he is also sorry for her sister. He confesses that he knows what happened to her sister and that Mick caused her accident and lied. She drowned and they never told anyone. Our image of him is shattered. From a strong and loving husband, to a weak and pathetic loser.

He cries and screams.

PJ3 – The family runs to the barn.

They see the carnage of Mick, and the cowering pathetic Doyle, and the glassy-eyed Norah and rush to her aid.

The husband subdues Doyle and summons the police.

Police are cart away Doyle and telling the group that he is a wanted man.

The family agrees to allow Norah and the kids to stay, and Norah can raise them as part of one big extended family.

Final scene – The adoption agent is visiting the family in the yard. He sips tea with the family as the kids run through emerald fields laughing and singing with Norah by their side.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Melissa Barreca. Reason: More concise emphasis on beats rather than describing scenes

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Lloyd Shellenberger

WIMM4L4 Basic Plotting

My Vision Working hard everyday to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

What I learned from this lesson is how to center the beats and build them forward or backward.

Title: Letters from Baghdad

Genre: Action-Drama

Act 1: Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.

Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men. Reese and his men give chase not realizing it was a setup to an ambush.

Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.

Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.

2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.

Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs. The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children. Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.

Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.

A CODEL visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. This convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa.

<font face=”inherit”>Act 4: Reese and his men are </font>reprimanded<font face=”inherit”> by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like his career may be over. </font>

<font face=”inherit”>Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb. Military </font>intelligence<font face=”inherit”> gets information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men. </font>

Reese and his men are given one last chance to bring down Al-Sadar. In an epic street battle on Hifa street, they find and kill him. Reese tells his the Hydra is dead.

The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave. SFC Reese and his men escort them to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL – New Outline Beats!

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I learned that I have spent the last three days re-arranging my outline and maybe I shouldn’t have. I did this because when I started the assignment I thought the best way to tell this story is through a series of FLASHBACKS but that required restructuring everything and that is not what this process is all about so I have been stuck and I don’t like it. Have tried several things to get unstuck and right not I am just going to forge ahead and see what becomes of it. I may have to come back to this lesson and correct my outline but we will see.

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
While fishing, a fisherman reflects on all the events that have lead to his present state of determination to catch the fish that has eluded him for 25 years which he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

GENRE: DRAMA

“Fishing is the art of lying convincingly about the size of the fish that got away.” -Unknown

ACT 1
PRESENT DAY:
Hints: “No swimming” sign.

John PJ 2:
John puts the boat in the water.
Respectfully places Jim’s fishing hat on the seat where Jim would be sitting if Jim were there.
Heads for “The Spot”.
Everything is reminiscent of the day of “The Incident”.
The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.

PRESENT DAY: Boat traveling upriver at sunrise in a remote Louisiana bayou.

John PJ 3:
Arriving at “The Spot”, John is very much “in-tune” with his surrounding and what it is he is doing.
He does everything just like he always has – just like the day of “The Incident”.

PRESENT DAY: John is tasked with getting the fishing equipment out.

FLASHBACK:
Dad is task with getting the fishing equipment out.
Dad teaching John how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
Shows him how to cast.
Family is important.

PRESENT DAY: John fishing.

FLASHBACK:
John teaching his younger brother how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
Teach Jim how to cast.
John tells Jim about their dad and how he taught John how to fish.
Bonding between John/Jim.
Family is so important.
John’s focus is on fishing.
Jim’s focus is on nature.

Influences Surface Story:
A picture of Grandpa in the tackle box
Grandpa caught a massive catfish
John wants to be like Grandpa.

Influences Surface Story:
John catches a good size catfish
Knows there are “bigger fish to fry” down there.
Tells Jim “not to worry, there are plenty of fish.”
They’ll come back tomorrow.
John closes the tackle box.

PRESENT DAY: John sees the picture of Grandpa in the tackle box.

FLASHBACK: John entering the garage to get his fishing equipment

Plan In Action:
John is gathering his fishing equipment; Fishing Pole, Tackle Box, Gloves, Spear, Etc.

John sees a photo of his Grandfather with a huge catfish and wishes he could be successful like him.
John gathering equipment – Wife and Billy enter.
Wife reminds John of his failures – nothing to show for his past attempts – sowing doubt.
John finds encouragement to counteract the negativity displayed by his wife.
Wife suggests trying a different bait – John replies, “NEVER!!!” Wife suggestions are contradictory to John’s beliefs.
Thinks he should give up and spend time with their son – tries to redirect John and have him focus on the present and not the past.
Wife mentions John’s father running off, never to be heard from again – he’s not going to do that is he?

Hints: The mysterious disappearance of their father.

ACT 2
PRESENT DAY: John kicks back, enjoying his surroundings…

The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.

FLASHBACK:
John PJ 1:
Jim is enjoying the surrounding.
John is focused on fishing, hoping to catch something, anything.
The brothers are fishing again, not having much luck.
Jim catches a “Stck Bass”.
Jim gives up on fishing because of the “Stick Bass”.
John reels his line in and his hook is empty.
They have run out of bait.
Not giving up, John decides to try chicken from their sandwiches.
Jim gives John a hard time about switching bait to chicken – likely to catch a ‘gator with it.
John’s determined to catch something before going home.

Inciting Incident:
John catches a “BIG ONE”!!!
John struggles as he tries to reel in “The Fish”.
Jim wants John to cut the line and let it go.
John refuses.
Jim is worried as he watches John as John tries with all his might to reel the fish in.
John gets pulled into the water.
Jim dives into the water with a knife and cuts the line.
John emerges from the water and gets back into the boat.
Jim never resurfaces.

Turning Point:
John is left all alone in the boat with the realization Jim is gone.

ACT 3
PRESENT DAY: John fishing

FLASHBACK:
Reaction: Since “The Incident”, John has gone fishing for “The Fish” for 25 years. Jim’s photo hangs in the garage and is a constant reminder of his failure at redemption! John takes the photo down and holds it in deep in thought – we know what he is thinking by the look on his face.

Midpoint Turning Point: John uncovers Jim’s fishing hat and packs it. The hat reinforces John’s determination to seek revenge and avenge Jim’s death!

Influences Surface Story: Jim’s disappearance after cutting the fishing line. Much like cat-and-mouse – this is a catfish-and-man – one individual trying to outmaneuver the other for 25 years.

PRESENT DAY: John fishing

FLASHBACK:
Rethink: Stopping at a gas station/trading post, an old-timer recalls a fishing tale about the Native Indians who spoke of catfish so large one catfish could feed a village. John listens intently trying to decide if there is any truth to what the old-timer is telling him.

Hints: The Old-Timer’s tale of the Native Indians catching catfish so big they could feed a village.

Fish AJ 1: “The Fish” have been eating fisherman for a long time.

New Plan: John buys some dog chain, a javelin-like spear and a whole routtsierre cajun chicken.

PRESENT DAY:
Turning Point:
John reels his line in and finds an empty hook and he’s out of bait.
Frustration sets in.
John has the same results that he has had for the past 25 years.
John grows weary.
John takes Jim’s fishing hat and places it on his head for good luck.

ACT 4
New Plan: John decides to try the whole routtsierre cajun chicken he picked up from the gas station/trading post as bait.

Fish AJ 5: John changes bait to rotisserie cajun chicken and “The Fish” knows that it is John.

Fish AJ 6: “The Fish” takes the bait and the power struggle begins, ultimately ending with “The Fish” and John face-to-face.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: John hooks “The Fish” and the power struggle begins, many of the same tactics “The Fish” used when he was a kid are used again, but John is prepared for each one of them. He manages to reel “The Fish” in; just a little closer so he can harpoon it with his spear. Face-to-face with “The Fish” John sees that he has indeed managed to catch the biggest catfish in Louisiana history!!!
John then realizes, “I’m the one you were after – I’m the One That Got Away!”

Resolution: Leaning over the edge of the boat, John is engulfed by “The Fish” thus leaving an empty fishing boat floating in the midst of the water. Jim’s fishing hat floats a short distance away from the boat.

CREDITS ROLL

Fish AJ 7: “The Fish” eats hat.

[Eden Young]

[WIM] Eden Young Module 4: Lesson 4: Basic Plotting

My vision: I am going to be an empowered, wonderful writer that’s known for great dialogue and great characters that win audiences’ hearts.

What I learned from this assignment is how helpful each of the other modules is fill in where you can and keep moving. Don’t stay stuck. Jump around and circle back. Combinations of these processes is so helpful.

Act 1:

Cora is in a dark, bleak cell.

Cora is given a list and told she needs to fix everything on the list.

[On the list which the audience doesn’t see: but at the top in bold it says COMMITTING SUICIDE. Under that is driving her husband insane and pushing him away. Coveting Calvin. And the list goes on, regret after regret. At the end of the list in bold it states to move on you must tell your son the truth, let him know that none of this was his fault, and that you never meant to hurt him.]

Cora is given one phone call. She calls Calvin.

Calvin Opening: Calvin gets ready for work in the kitchen.
Calvin makes a call on his cellphone, kisses Rebecca, and leaves while on the call.

Calvin goes to his usual drive through coffee. Has an interesting encounter with a homeless guy on the way to work.

Board meeting with Calvin, Jerry, CEO, COO, and the usual suspects. Jerry moves in on a deal; and everyone thinks he came up with the proposal.

Calvin immediately calls Cora.

Cora AJ1: Cora helps Calvin nip this in the bud once and for all by having Calvin challenge Jerry to take the lead and do a task that only Calvin knows how to do that is essential for the deal.
Jerry has no clue and fails miserably.

Calvin is about to prove to all that Jerry had no real part in the deal and but gets interrupted by Jerry who proposes a game of golf for the next day with clients (obviously buying himself time).

Calvin is 100% swindled/ thwarted by Jerry Brokmeir at a golf game with clients and CEO. Jerry steals the show and steals back the credit.

Inciting Incident: Calvin is passed over for a promotion that he deserved.

Calvin sees Jerry & Felicia court side at an epic basketball game with the CEO, and a Major client.

Rebecca is picking up that things are off.

Deeper Layer: It turns out that Cora actually is the one that needs Calvin and keeps him hooked on calling her.

Calvin calls Cora while at the game.

Turning Point 1: Cora’s guidance doesn’t work this time.

Rebecca and Calvin go to a gala. At a table with Rebecca’s peers and boss, Calvin starts to sweat and run his mouth, epic weird night.

Cora and her best friend at the table, notice how weird Calvin is being.

Felicia and Jerry host a children’s birthday party.
Calvin destroys the kids birthday party. He “brings down the house.”

Act 2:

Calvin PJ2: Calvin has a colossal melt down (this will be filmed like a music video).

Calvin calls Cora gets a busy signal.

Cora AJ2: Cora begins to panic, feeling she is losing her touch and her hold on Calvin.

No one at the office can reach Calvin and he gets “fired.”

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Calvin comes out of his epic breakdown and rises like a phoenix owning his power.

Calvin listens to a voicemail from Jerry telling him he’s been fired while reading an email informing him that after multiple attempts to contact him; Calvin has in fact been terminated.

Act 3:

Turning Point 3: Rebecca cracks into Calvin’s phone: sees 1000 calls to/ from “Mom” and listens to the voicemail.

Rebecca confronts Calvin about all the phone calls and his weird behavior.

Calvin bluffs and completely denies it.

Rebecca calls “Mom.”

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Calvin has been “calling” all this time; Cora has been dead for 30 years.

Calvin PJ3: Calvin ditches his old phone and gets a new phone.

Calvin has a stroke of genius, and goes to Italy to propose his own deal.

Cora AJ3: Cora tries “calling” Calvin incessantly to no avail and begins to unravel.

Act 4 Climax: Cora & Calvin a final meeting of the minds before going their separate ways.

Cora AJ4: Cora manages to locate Calvin’s new phone and dials. Close up on her as we hear the eternal ring with no answer.

Calvin PJ4: Calvin gets the Italian deal, returns home to claim his new life, and convinces Rebecca of his sanity.
Rebecca and Calvin decide together to sell their house and start a new to buy a winery.

Resolution: Flashback: Cora seals a letter. Calls 16 year old Calvin ends the call saying in her lavish way (like the Cheshire Cat):“Don’t be good just be great.”

Calvin’s resolution heard Rebecca move to Napa/ Sonoma and start a winery.

The screen goes to black and very quickly cut to a beautiful table at a winery (trees and vineyards) The voice of Cora starts reading the letter.

End fade to black.

Roll credits.

[Veronica Turowski]

Veronica Turowski’s New Outline Beats!

What I learned from doing this assignment is there were weak areas that really needed to be improved. There are a couple of areas that still aren’t the way I want them. I had to add more details to this outline to see if the other parts of the script work.

My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts yearly and then sells them to producers who create my vision for the big screen.

Concept: After a professional mourner is told by a ghost during his funeral that he was murdered by a serial killer, she tries to prove him wrong so he can pass over, only to discover that she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.

Title: Grave Justice

Genre: Supernatural Thriller

ACT 1: Lonnie is checking the chemicals in the church baptismal. The lights go out. A man attacks him. Lonnie is pushed headfirst into the church baptismal, breaks his neck and drowns. The police consider it an accident.

Hayden AJ 1: Hayden kills Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie is killed by Hayden.

DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie is a couple of years older than Hayden. He was in seminary school while Hayden was finishing high school. Lonnie’s younger brother killed himself when he became possessed. Lonnie persuaded Hayden’s friends to get out of a Satanic cult and turn to Jesus, but Hayden was already possessed. Hayden kills Lonnie because he felt Lonnie betrayed him.

Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa attends Lonnie’s funeral. She talks to Lonnie, but when he tells her he was murdered by a serial killer, she panics, realizes he’s a ghost, and runs off. Lonnie chases her. She crosses the street and looks back to see if he’s still following her. When he’s in the middle of the street, he’s about to be hit by an ice cream truck but disappears instead.

Hayden AJ 2: Hayden and his 15-year-old son sell ice cream from an ice cream truck.

Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa that since she can see him, he needs her help. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim. He chases her and vanishes as he’s hit by an ice cream truck driven by Hayden.

Eppsa PJ 2: Eppsa nervously talks to her neighbor for advice. The neighbor suggests talking to her clairvoyant friend, Clover.

DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie knows that Eppsa is a ghost, but Eppsa doesn’t know she’s dead.

INCITING INCIDENT: Eppsa is visiting a clairvoyant, Clover. She decides she’s too embarrassed to talk about Lonnie, so she asks Clover to help her find Hayden. Eppsa is unaware that Clover only senses her presence as a ghost. Clover can’t locate Hayden just like in the prior sessions because he’s not dead. She senses an evil spirit and wants to know if Eppsa has seen any ghosts. Eppsa says no. Clover warns her that an evil spirit is trying to attach itself to her and to be cautious. An evil spirit interrupts them by causing chaos. They are afraid. Clover falls ill, and Eppsa leaves the store, unaware of the supernatural events about to unfold.

Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie scares Eppsa when he appears in her house. He tells her the name of the next victim before she scares him off.

Eppsa PJ 3: Eppsa is terrified when Lonnie appears in her house. She thinks he’s the evil spirit trying to attach himself to her. She throws things to scare him away.

TURNING POINT 1: Eppsa discovers the name of the next victim Lonnie gave her was real.

Eppsa PJ 4: In the obituary, Eppsa reads the name of the man Lonnie gave her.

ACT 2: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to confront Lonnie. He gives her the name of another victim.

Eppsa PJ 5: Eppsa goes to the cemetery. She is armed with things to ward off evil.

Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie apologizes to Eppsa for scaring her. He tells her the name of the next victim. He doesn’t know the connection or the next victim.

Hayden AJ 3: Hayden watches the news and sees another death by someone trying to do a TikTok challenge. It’s becoming an epidemic.

Eppsa PJ 6: Eppsa reads the name of the victim Lonnie gave her. She calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She tries again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The cop only hears static on the phone because she’s a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa is at the police station waiting to talk to someone. The cop tells her to wait and be patient. She checks her watch because she has a funeral to attend. A cop points in her direction and motions her over. She passes by Hayden who is in a chair.

Hayden AJ 4: Hayden is at the police station to receive an award for trying to save someone. His wife and son are proud of him. At the station, Hayden shivers when Eppsa’s spirit passes him. He asks about all the recent deaths. The cops say people are dying from TikTok challenges.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him. He killed the person but made it look like he was trying to save them. He feels the spirit of his mother when she passes him.

Eppsa PJ 8: From across the room, Eppsa hears a cop yell to Hayden for his good work. She turns from the cop that supposedly called her over and rushes after Hayden, but he and his family are out the door. She overhears cops standing at their car say these last few deaths were because they tried dangerous TikTok challenges.

Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie appears outside the police station. He watches Eppsa run out. He goes over to her to tell her there’s going to be another victim, but Eppsa is afraid of him and tells him to leave her alone and she’s going to be late for a funeral.

Hayden AJ 5: Hayden volunteers at a homeless shelter. He passes out ice cream to everyone there. He sees an old high school friend who lives at the shelter. Hayden tells him they should get together next week.

Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie summons a bored little girl from a funeral to come over to him. He wants her to pass a message on to Eppsa. The next victim is a church member.

Eppsa PJ 9: Eppsa is late to a funeral. A little girl from the funeral comes up to her before she’s at the gravesite to tell Eppsa what Lonnie told her. (I don’t know if the little girl is alive and can see ghosts or if she’s a ghost, too.) Eppsa rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer to check on them. Pastor Palmer McKee catches her in the office. She apologizes and leaves.

Hayden AJ 6: Hayden and Evren sell ice cream in a ritzy neighborhood. He plays classical music for the parents but jokes around with the kids, making him respectful yet fun to everyone.

Eppsa PJ 10: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is unlocked. She goes inside and sees the woman dangling. The woman’s husband enters the front door, walks into the kitchen to find his dangling wife. Eppsa runs.

Hayden AJ 7: Hayden throws Evren an early birthday party. One of the kids’ parents was Hayden’s friend from school and will be another victim.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden discovers a dad of Evren’s friend was one of his high school friends who moved back to town.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Eppsa talks to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is the evil spirit.

Eppsa PJ 11: Eppsa turns to Clover to see if she can help reveal the name of the serial killer. Clover can’t help her. Lonnie appears. Clover says an evil presence is in the room. Things fly. Eppsa tells Clover she’s being haunted by Lonnie’s evil spirit.

Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie talks to Eppsa when she is with Clover. Clover can’t hear him.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The evil spirit is Eppsa’s dead husband.

Hayden AJ 8: Hayden and Evren go to the soup kitchen in the ice cream truck.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden’s searching for his next victim.

Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa hears a crash outside her house. She rushes to see. She calls the police. They can’t hear her on the phone. She rushes outside to help. There’s a swarm of people and a police siren in the distance. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young woman disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door.

Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie talks to a victim who wants to pass over but can’t.

Eppsa PJ 13: Eppsa’s neighbor helps calm her. An evil spirit comes after them. The neighbor flees. Eppsa hides. She hears a crash upstairs. She goes upstairs and finds a picture on the floor and an amulet hanging on the wall in Hayden’s old room.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The ghost who is haunting Eppsa, which is her ghostly husband, wants her to find the amulet.

Hayden AJ 9: Driving in a poorly lit neighborhood in his ice cream truck, Hayden creeps along as he follows a man in a dark hoodie. The guy is nervous and acts weird. Hayden follows him around another corner. The man starts to run. Hayden calls out. It’s his old friend with whom he got reacquainted with at Evren’s party. Hayden gives him a ride home.

ACT 3: Eppsa discovers Hayden was friends with all the victims and fears he is on the list. Lonnie helps Eppsa realize she’s a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa has a nightmare about her husband killing Hayden and himself. She tells her neighbor about the recurring nightmare.

Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa meets with Clover to get rid of Lonnie. Lonnie materializes during the session. Lonnie gives Eppsa the name of the next victim. An evil entity causes havoc. Clover says it’s not Lonnie, but a different and sinister spirit.

Lonnie PJ 9: Clover senses Lonnie and realizes he’s a good spirit who just has unfinished business.

Hayden AJ 10: Hayden is at a bar with his homeless friend. They walk out of a bar and stop in a park.

Eppsa PJ 16: Eppsa encounters Hayden on the street when he’s drunk and hanging out with his homeless friend. Hayden sees Eppsa’s ghostly form. He yells at her thinking she’s a real woman who resembles his mom. He’s angry that his mom was weak and wasn’t there for him. She was the reason the family was torn apart. He passes out on the bench. It breaks Eppsa’s heart.

Eppsa PJ 17: Eppsa sees the obituary with the face of the homeless man who was with Hayden the day before. She remembers he was one of Hayden’s high school friends.

Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie manifests at her house, scaring her. He sees the amulet. He’s never seen anything like it. Eppsa tells him it’s an amulet Hayden had for protection.

Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa attends the funeral of the woman she saw hanging. She apologizes to Lonnie. She wants to find the killer so Lonnie can pass over.

Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie and Eppsa talk after the funeral.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa must protect Hayden from the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 11: Hayden receives a key to the town.

Eppsa PJ 19: She talks to Clover trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. She also wants to speak to her dead husband, thinking he might be able to help her find Hayden since they were close. An evil spirit interrupts them as usual. Clover gets scratched across her face.

Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie is inside Eppsa’s house. He writes a victim’s name on something for her to find.

Hayden AJ 12: Hayden kills someone in the back of the ice cream truck, while Evren is in front. He says he was protecting himself, but he doesn’t want to tarnish his reputation, so they can’t tell anyone.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is grooming Evren.

Eppsa PJ 20: She finds a Satanic book in her bedroom closet amongst her husband’s clothes which are still in there.

Hayden AJ 13: Hayden encounters a malevolent, ghostly presence at his house. It does something that reminds him of his dad.

TURNING POINT 3: Eppsa is despondent and realizes the people dying all had been part of a Satanic cult. She now believes her husband is the ghost killing everyone.

Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman crying while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. It is the name of the teenager who killed himself after joining the Satanic cult.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The grandmother is a stuck spirit who is waiting for justice.

Lonnie AJ 13: Lonnie tells Eppsa to look to see if Hayden’s phone number is in the church registry.

Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa attends the funeral of the homeless man. She goes into the church and finds Hayden’s number. She talks to the Pastor Palmer McKee. She wants him to pray for Hayden.

Hayden AJ 14: Hayden and Evren make their rounds in the ice cream truck. They park across the street from the church where Eppsa sees them.

Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa calls and runs after Hayden and Evren, but she can’t catch up. This is when she discovers she has a grandson.

Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie finally talks to Clover because he’s worried about Eppsa.

Hayden AJ 15: Hayden and his family are celebrating something around a bonfire with a group of people. Hayden escorts Evren along with the other men into the woods. Evren comes out wearing an amulet. He proudly shows it off to his mom.

Eppsa PJ 24: Eppsa texts Hayden. He says it can’t be her because she’s gone and ruined their family. She’s been dead to him a long time. He won’t respond to her texts. She cries. An evil spirit reveals himself as her husband. He’s angry, chases her, and knocks things over. She hides and falls asleep in the closet.

ACT 4: Eppsa learns she’s a ghost and was murdered by her husband. She forces Hayden to kill himself.

Eppsa PJ 25: Eppsa is so anxious about Hayden’s safety, that she materializes in front of him at his house to tell him the ghost of his dad is killing people.

Hayden AJ 16: Hayden is doing something as a surprise for Evren’s birthday in two days. Hayden sees his mom appear. He gets angry. He throws something at her. It goes through her. A demon steps out of Hayden. The demon changes his face into her husbands’ face. He threatens to take her to Hell where she belongs. It says Hayden had to kill the people because they betrayed Satan. She’s confused and afraid. She says something about their old house. She disappears. The demon reenters Hayden. His eyes turn black and then returns to normal. Hayden thinks she’s gone for good.

Eppsa PJ 26: Eppsa is at the cemetery with Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 15: Lonnie takes Eppsa to her gravesite and shows her the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She realizes the nightmares were real, but she was killed and not Hayden. They both vanish.

Hayden AJ 17: Hayden goes to his old house. The house is now dilapidated. He enters and looks around. He goes to his old room. The picture is on the floor and the amulet is missing.

Eppsa PJ 27: Eppsa appears and scares Hayden.

Hayden AJ 18: Hayden talks to her like he’s a kid again and begs for forgiveness. She says he can’t kill people and get away with it. He says he can do whatever he wants. He sees the amulet that he came back to get. He grabs for it. Eppsa knocks it to the floor. He says it’s his amulet that was sanctified with his friend’s sacrificial blood. He reaches for it. She creates an unseen force around the amulet; it glows and shatters. It was to bond to his evil spirit that leaves his body. Eppsa’s energy builds as she holds him in place. The floorboard safe opens. A gun emerges. Her supernatural power overrides Hayden’s resistance. His hand involuntarily takes ahold of the gun. She seems to draw energy from his fear and vulnerability and makes him shoot himself for justice. A bigger and more malevolent, red-eyed spirit escapes Hayden, swooshes through the house, and vanishes.

Resolution: Eppsa, Lonnie, and the other spirits pass over finding peace. Evren gets keys to the ice cream truck on his 16^th birthday. His fiddles with the amulet around his neck that he got with his dad at the bonfire. His eye’s turn black and return to normal.

[Adrienne Watkins]

Adrienne Watkins New Outline Beat module 4 lesson 4

My Vision: I am going to work as hard as I reasonably am able to succeed at script writing to be recognized by multiple movie producers as a skilled script writer, and to have my scripts produced worldwide.

What I learned from this assignment is to write script and read and reread from beginning to end.

A. Logic jumps—Fransie emotional journey-

B. Focus on Fransie’s journey- feeling the vibration of music.

C. Francis and Roy’s emotional connection.

For beat to happen- Fransie’s enthusiasm for dancing, although she’s deaf, Roy’s fighting his feeling for her.

Beat could be better if I bring in Flavia’s insecurity with Fransie.

Turning Point: Fransie is dismissed from performing with Roy because he’s scheduled to go on world tour by Flavia’s doings.

Change: Roy’s performance suffers because Fransie is not with him. Flavia discovers she and Fransie are sisters separated at birth. She sends for Fransie, Roy proposes. Flavia tells Fransis they are sisters.

[Ashley Sarikaya]

Ashley’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I write enthralling, entertaining, and transformational scripts that win awards, get produced and create positive change in the world.

I learned that there were a lot of gaps to fill! This exercised helped me move forward with the plot.

Genre: Historical fantasy

The High Concept: After helping the Spaniards conquer the Aztec Empire, a superhuman Aztec translator travels back in time to stop the fall of the Empire. But she must choose between her love for her son and her people.

Act 1: The Spaniards have conquered the Aztec Empire, which is struck by plague.

Malinche Protagonist Journey (PJ): Malinche is a self-loathing translator who caused the fall of the Aztec Empire. Consumed by guilt, she atones for her past mistakes.

Malinche PJ: Malinche is a loving mother, and will do anything for her son.

Hernando Antagonist Journey (AJ): Hernando has conquered the Aztec Empire, but the Spanish Crown doesn’t recognize his authority. So, the new ruler arrives, takes his office, gold, and crew.

Deeper Layer: Hernando has “daddy issues” and not being recognized by the Spanish Crown triggers it.

Hernando AJ: After Malinche tells Hernando about the plague, Hernando is only concerned with regaining power and ignores the needs of the Aztecs, his son, and Malinche.

Inciting Incident: A fight breaks out between the Aztecs and conquistadors. Malinche is called to join the uprise against the conquistadors and to kill Hernando in his sleep.

Malinche PJ: She hates Hernando but she could never kill him and runs away from the fight.

Deeper Layer: Malinche doesn’t realize that she can’t run away from the fight. The gods won’t allow it.

Turning Point 1: After falling down a rabbit hole and discovering the Aztec Calendar Stone, she travels back in time to stop the fall of the Aztec Empire. But after arriving in the past, she realizes that her son doesn’t make it, as he wasn’t born yet.

Malinche PJ: Malinche mourns the loss of her son.

Deeper Layer: Her son isn’t really gone.

Hernando AJ: Hernando is rejected by the Governor of Cuba, and retaliates by going on the mission anyways. He steads several ships and men.

Act 2: Malinche boards Hernando’s ship and becomes his translator. Her motive is to derail his conquest plans.

Malinche PJ: She is in denial that her son is gone and believes he will be born again. She escapes her loss when she tempts Hernando with exotic experiences. (Kübler-Ross’s grief phase 1: denial)

Hernando AJ: Hernando is smitten by Malinche and escapes from his mission with her. He finds her mysterious, but he is also escaping from a recent rejection by the Governor of Cuba.

Deeper Layer: Hernando doesn’t notice that Malinche derails his conquest plans until it’s too late.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Malinche attempts to have sex with Hernando to bring her unborn son back to life. The spirit is disgusted and exposes Malinche’s ploy to the fanatical priest, Jernonimo. Jeronimo then barges into the room while Malinche and Hernando are about to get spicy. Jernonimo exposes Malinche’s ploy to Hernando and crew.

Hernando AJ: Jeronimo reminds Hernando of his mission. Hernando declines Malinche’s advances in exchange for absolute power in the New World – a Christian world.

The spirit uses the Mayan shaman, Itzamna, to inform Emperor Montezuma of the Spaniards arrival.

Malinche PJ: Malinche realizes that her son isn’t coming back and blames Hernando for everything, including all the things he hasn’t yet done yet. When the Aztec emissaries arrive, she secretly offers them important information about the Spaniards. (Kübler-Ross’s grief phase 2: anger)

Deeper Layer: Malinche may be trying to derail Hernando’s plans. But in reality, a naughty spirit, who manipulates Itzamna, is pulling all the strings.

Act 3: Malinche communicates with a spirit, who she believes to be a god through Itzamna. Malinche pleads to bring her son back. The spirit agrees to the deal, but he adds that to save the Empire she must stop hiding her true self.

Malinche PJ: Malinche pleads to a higher power, “If I save the Aztec Empire, will you bring my son back?” (Kübler-Ross’s grief phase 3: bargaining)

Deeper Layer: Malinche thinks she is speaking to a god, but in reality she is speaking to her unborn son. Itzamna makes the connection that he has been communicating with her son all along.

Turning Point 3: She reveals her true identity — a half-bird/half-human. When Malinche reveals her true form, Emperor Montezuma is horrified and frightened. He orders the guards to pluck her feathers.

Emperor Montezuma AJ: Emperor Montezuma feels threatened by Malinche’s power. He fears that the Aztec people will consider her a goddess and choose her as their ruler.

Malinche PJ: Malinche is stripped of her power, and feels naked and hopeless, but tries to control her emotional reaction in front of others. (Kübler-Ross’s grief phase 4: depression)

Deeper Layer: Malinche begins to fall in love with Itzamna, who comes to her rescue and helps her express her emotions in a constructive way.

After gaining powerful local alliances, the Spaniards arrive at the door of the Aztec Empire and Emperor Montezuma welcomes them out of fear.

The Govenor of Cuba is jealous and furious that Hernando succeeded in establishing a colony and forming local alliances. He orders that they destroy him.

Act 4 Climax: Malinche is to be sacrificed to the gods. Upon entering the courtyard, the Aztec people are horrified that the emperor plucked the feathers of a sacred being. They are on the verge of a rebellion against the Aztec royals.

The priest leads Malinche up the temple. When asked to give her final words, she sings an emotional bird song. The priest then pushes her off the temple, but she is able to fly.

Malinche PJ: At her final moment, she accepts herself and soars in her power. (Kübler-Ross’s grief phase 5: acceptance)

Hernando AJ: Hernando stands with the Aztec noblemen and Emperor Montezuma during the sacrifice of Malinche. Hernando is heart-broken to see her body covered in a red rash from the removal of her feathers. He half listens to Jeronimo, who calls Malinche “a demon”.

Malinche PJ: Malinche and Itzamna have their first love scene.

Deeper Layer: Malinche isn’t the “Chosen One”. Her son is.

Hernando AJ: After discovering that the Aztecs wiped out the Spaniards at the colony, Hernando arrests Emperor Montezuma. The Aztec Emperor “rules” from prison until his own people assassinate him. The Spaniards then take control of the empire.

The Governor of Cuba arrives with a fleet to capture Hernando and put him on trial for treason.

Malinche PJ: Malinche and Itzamna are partners in this fight and side with the Governor of Cuba to defeat the Spaniards.

Hernando AJ: Hernando has the opportunity to win but it would mean leaving Malinche to die. He decides to save Malinche and in doing so he is captured.

Malinche PJ: Malinche becomes the heroine for the Aztec people and they nominate her as the new Empress.

Hernando AJ: Hernando and the Spaniards are locked up in prison on the Governor’s ship. The governor says that they will be tried for their crimes in two days. Hernando calls the Governor a kiss ass and ‘slow’ due to the heavy gold in his pockets.

Resolution: An older Empress Malinche sits tall on a throne surrounded by exotic birds, colorful features, and earthly pleasures. The spirit, Martin (now 18), is in physical form. Itzamna (Martin’s biological father) comes into the picture. In silence, they look at Tenochtitlan burned to ash. Malinche says that sometimes Mother Earth needs to destroy everything before we can rebuild anew. She makes Martin emperor and he sets out to rebuild their home.

As they leave, a quetzal bird sings. The bird song breathes life into the ash and it begins to take shape. As the song crescendos, a megalopolis of floating garden plots rise from the ash. The futuristic skyline of Mexico City glows in the late afternoon light.

[Haley Chambers]

Haley Chambers’ New Outline Beats

Haley’s Vision: I am going to work hard to be recognized as a successful screenwriter with many of my scripts made into films/TV shows.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… in order to tell a story that makes sense, everything must be in a well oiled cause and effect sequence.

*This might look confusing, but it is more for me to understand right now, I still am working on perfecting it.

OUTLINE:

ACT 1: Charlie wakes from a nightmare, to find he is late for work. He faces the struggles of everyday as he commutes to work at the sandwich shop.

INCITING INCIDENT: Charlie is late to work, where he is yelled at by his mean boss. He is told he must take the holiday night shift or he is fired. Charlie avoids a call from his mother.

TURNING POINT 1: While on his nightshift at the sandwich shop, Charlie is chased into a broom closet by a nightmare, where he discovers the Dream Factory.

ACT 2: Lionel Crowfoot, the Recruiter of the Dream Factory, recruits Charlie to return to the Dream Factory to learn how to combat his nightmare.

NEW PLAN: In order to gain back his peaceful sleep and rid himself of his nightmares, Charlie decides to return to the Dream Factory. He struggles to fight his nightmares, and in fear of them, he quits and leaves the Dream Factory.

PLAN IN ACTION: Charlie enters the Dream Factory and learns how to use his good dreams to combat his nightmares. He misses shifts at the sandwich shop as a result. He struggles to fight his nightmares, and in fear of them, he quits and leaves the Dream Factory.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Charlie gets into a fight with Rosie, and realizes that she has been covering for all of the shifts he missed. He decides to tell her about the Dream Factory. She doesn’t believe him.

ACT 3: Charlie walks home defeated. For the next few weeks, he shows up to work on time, never misses a shift, but is generally unhappy.

RETHINK EVERYTHING: Charlie runs into Henry, a homeless man at the bus stop who looks exactly like Lionel Crowfoot.

Charlie begins to realize that the Dream Factory is not what it seems.

NEW PLAN: Find out what the Dream Factory really is. Charlie decides to return to the Dream Factory, which means facing his fears.

TURNING POINT 3: Nightmares begin to flood into the Dream Factory.

CLIMAX: Charlie enters the Founder’s Clock Tower in the Dream Factory, to confront the Founder, who turns out to be himself.

RESOLUTION: Charlie returns to the sandwich shop with a new sense of self love and understanding.

[Bent Hanlen]

BENT’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS

MY VISION IS THIS…… to sell this screenplay and make it the biggest blockbuster that everyone wants to see.

what i learned doing this assignment is this ……….. i am putting logic entries into the story and it is becoming something I’m proud of.

ACT ONE – WE SEE A RUSSIAN SUB LEAVING AN ARCTIC POST WITH RED AND WHITE COLORING ON IT. A SCOUT ELF SEARCHING FOR SIGNS OF KRAMPUS IS ATTACKED BY A PACK OF DEMONS AND ULTIMATELY KRAMPUS.

AJ – AN ELF NAMED INDIGO WITNESSES THE GENERAL TALKING TO SANTA WHO IS DRESSING FOR HIS TRAVEL TO DELIVER.

THERE IS TENSION BETWEEN THE GENERAL AND SANTA.

PJ – THE GENERAL IS DEMANDING THAT SANTA OPEN THE NORTH POLE TO MORE OIL DRILLING TO RUSSIAN, CANADA AND USA. AND SANTA REFUSES.

AJ – THE SCOUT SLEIGH LANDS ROUGHLY AT THE NORTH POLE WITH DEAD REINDEER AND ONLY A FEW PULLING IT. INDIGO CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HE SEES.

The driver of the sleigh is beaten and bloodied. He is slowly pulled out of a crashed sleigh unconscious.

PJ – THE GENERAL DEMANDS AGAIN THE NORTH POLE BE OPEN TO MORE DRILLING SO THEY CAN MILITARIZE THE CONTINENT.

he wants weapons. he wants it to be a part of the United Nations and with NATO because eventually it will be in their best interest to protect themselves from rogue nations.

DEEPER LAYER – THE GENERAL WANTS MORE POWER.

ACT TWO – TIME TO DELIVER PRESENTS.

Santa leads the sleighs to deliver to Ireland and Iceland and Greenland. Hours later he returns with the rest of the sleighs empty.

Hazela watches from her window as the sleighs land on the tarmac. Fresh reindeer are harnessed and the tired ones are herded to the back where the food is for them. She’s captivated. Indigo sees this and tells her it is boring to watch that stuff.

AJ – INDIGO’S SISTER WANTS TO SEE THE WORLD AND ASKS TO GO ON A SLEIGH. HER PARENTS REFUSE SAYING SHE’S TOO YOUNG. INDIGO TELLS HER THAT KRAMPUS IS OUT THERE AND IT IS TOO SCARY. NOT EVEN HE WANTS TO TRAVEL AND WILL STAY AT THE NORTH POLE.

DEEPER LAYER – INDIGO SUFFERS FROM A FEAR OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

AJ – THE GENERAL REFUSES TO TRAVEL WITH SANTA AND THE ELVES AS THEY GO TO CANADA TO BEGIN DELIVERIES AS HE FEELS HE NEEDS TO INVESTIGATE THIS ATTACK DOWN IN UNITED STATES.

PJ – SISTER HAZELA GOES TO HER ROOM AND THEN ESCAPES FROM THEIR SECOND FLOOR AND RUNS TO THE LAUNCHING AREA. INDIGO ENTERS HER ROOM TO CALL HER TO DINNER AND FINDS HER DESCENDING DOWN THE ROOF. HE TRIES TO GO AFTER HER BUT HE’S AFRAID.

Mother and Father are sitting down ready to eat and they hear Indigo calling his sister with no response.

DEEPER LAYER – HE HAS A FEAR OF HEIGHTS.

AJ- THE GENERAL INTERROGATES THE WOUNDED SCOUT ELF ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF KRAMPUS AND DETAILS.

PJ – INDIGO RUNS TO THE TARMAC. PARENTS ARE WAY BEHIND. HE BELIEVES HE SEES HIS SISTER AROUND THE SLEIGHS SO HE IS SEARCHING THE SLEIGHS. HE LOOKS IN AS MANY AS HE CAN THEN HE FALLS INTO ONE NEAREST THE STARTING LINE. IT TAKES OFF AS HE STRUGGLES TO GET OUT BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S IN THE SKY.

AJ- THE GENERAL IS SUITING UP AS THE MOM AND DAD ARE LOOKING FOR THEIR SON AND DAUGHTER. THE GENERAL AND FATHER END UP IN A HEATED DISCUSSION. WE LEARN THE FATHER WAS PREVIOUSLY SANTA SOME YEARS AGO AND KRAMPUS RIPPED OUT HIS ARM.

DEEPER LAYER – THE FATHER IS BITTER OVER LOSING HIS ROLE AS SANTA AS IT IS COVETED.

ACT 3 – SANTA AND THE ELVES DELIVER TO NORTH AMERICA WHERE KRAMPUS IS LOCATED. HAZELA IS KIDNAPPED BY KRAMPUS AND THE DEMONDS

PJ – INDIGO LEARNS THE ART OF DELIVERING PRESENTS AT THE SAME TIME SEARCHING FOR HIS SISTER. AT ONE HOUSE HE MEETS A CHILD WHO DIDN’T FALL ASLEEP.

DEEPER LAYER – HE LEARNS FROM THIS LITTLE KID THAT THEY ARE SIMILAR IN MANY WAYS.

PJ – KRAMPUS ENTERS THE HOME AND TAKES THE BOY. IN HIS SACK IS THE SISTER. INDIGO IS FROZEN IN FEAR.

ACT 4