Lesson 4

[Jeff Chase]

Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Elevated Interest

My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Concentrating SOLELY on the interest level is a great way to elevate scenes. I found several scenes I could add a small twist and it tightened up the scene.

Title: Shards

Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller

High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.

Scene #:

9 – Added some action for Rosie to add surprise.

14 – Added panic to Sarah’s reaction at seeing her special vodka sold out.

15 – added more intrigue to Sarah and why she needs to hear LOUD music.

22 – heightened suspense with description changes about Young Sarah thrown from the cliff.

71 – Added a stronger internal dilemma for Sarah and created an uncomfortable moment, also. She realizes that she is now totally locked into relying on him to help her remember her past. Also heightened March’s intrigue.

75 – added another mislead for Sarah. Heightened the mystery. Enhanced superior position.

80 – Added stronger internal dilemma for Halona. Stronger uncomfortable moment for Johnny.

102 – heightened the mystery about the Shaman and Frank’s involvement with young Sarah.

140 – Heightened Johnny’s uncertainty about March’s intentions.

141 – increased tension and added a mislead about Johnny’s scorpion bite. Who is responsible?

144 – added another mislead about the scorpion bite.

156 – Heightened March finishing Sarah’s song. Also heightened his uncomfortable moment.

159 – Heightened Sarah’s internal dilemma: To believe in March or not.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Elevated Interest

Mission: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.

What I learned from this assignment that with a bit of creativity and using these techniques you can make a good scene even more captivating.

Scene 2: Created surprise and an external dilemma

Scene 3: Added an internal dilemma that will haunt the hero throughout the story.

Scene 8: Changed to more interesting setting for main character introduction.

Scene 14: Introduced the Antagonist through a mystery.

Scene 41: Key setup added.
Scene 44: Antagonist changes radically after triggered by an old wound.

Scene 46: Turning point one to a more dramatic setting.

Scene 56: Key setup, suspense, Intrigue.
Scene 68: Key payoff, protagonist internal delimma.
Scene

76: Added internal delimma to the reveal in this scene

89: A more interesting setting increased the drama of this pivitol scene with it’s shocking reveal.

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal Elevated Interest!

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to elevate interest in key scenes.

One way I elevated interest was to increase the suspense and intensity of a key scene.

This comes down to timing, how and when something happens. If a character is experiencing distress, go ahead and give them even more right in the middle. Something unexpected, something intense. I have a scene where the police are questioning my antagonist.

To increase interest, I extended the length of time the police confront him. Just when you think they are done and about to leave, I have them return or ask another question. The antagonist tries everything to get rid of them, but nothing works.

In the middle of all that, I have the protagonist call him at a very inopportune time. Now the antagonist has to deal with two bad situations at once. This ups the stakes and suspense.

Elevating interest goes hand in hand with elevating emotion.

Doing so keeps the audience engaged throughout the story. We never want them to lose interest, so pile those interest techniques on each scene!

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I think there is always room for more tweaking and these interest techniques are a great set of tools.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

• Scene 2: was overwritten with exposition. I used the interest techniques to focus on making the scene more driven and moved Daphne’s concern to become more therapist and less psychic to a later scene. Now instead of it being between Daphne and Terry, it is between Daphne and Roy, the love interest, opening the opportunity to have that further the relationship. Also, I added the suggestion that Daphne would like a relationship with Terry in spite of knowing that he is gay, setting up intrigue and playing into later scenes that now require less information.
• Scene 4: trimmed down exposition and focused in on relationship between mother and daughter — hidden agenda; uncomfortable moments. Also adjusted introduction of Daphne’s mother, Christine.
• Scene 6: Inciting incident – Daphne and Roy first meeting; enhanced external dilemma and uncomfortable moment
• Scene 7: Daphne gives Roy a reading. Added character changes, surprise, suspense and mystery. Roy now makes the suggestion here that Daphne should call herself a life coach.
• Scene 8: Daphne checks in with Terry about life coach idea; added undertone of Daphne angling for relationship.
• Scene 18: 1st act turn – Christine discovers Daphne moving out. Scene has a lot of interest techniques: surprise, betrayal, mystery, external dilemma, uncomfortable moment, major twist, cliffhanger, intrigue. I worked on enhancing them.
• Scene 42: 2nd act turn – Daphne works Christine for house down payment. enhanced existing interest techniques: surprise, irony, mystery, secret hidden agenda, superior position, character changes radically.
• Scene 65: 3rd act turn – Daphne confirms that Roy has been lying to her. Enhanced betrayal, surprise, superior position, suspense.

[Amechi Ngwe]

Amechi’s Elevated Interest

What I learned doing this assignment is to remember to look for opportunities to make my scenes more interesting, and to find ways to link scenes with set ups and payoffs, suspense, and subtext pointers.

MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.

SCENE 1: Set up of Rhapsody being trapped in the alley. Payoff of her trapping her attackers in there instead.

SCENE 41: Mislead: Apex will let Kanaan stay. Reveal: He tells him to leave.

SCENE 72: Kanaan showing no fear.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ Elevated Interest:

Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.

WIL: Going through this – it is fun to see how you can change a location and add more quality as well as showing the traits of the serial killer instead of explaining them.

Title: MEMORY HUNTERS

Concept:

In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.

Assignment:

With the above set of interest techniques, go to the most important scenes in your script and brainstorm ways to build in more interest techniques.

Structure – opening, inciting incident, turning point 1, etc.. – Found a great opportunity to change the turning point.<div>

Lead character introductions. – Need to improve the introduction of the protagonist’s sister.

Reveals – both plot and character reveals.

Key setups. – Needed to improve the set ups on the Antagonist via her accomplistImportant payoffs. – The set ups will make the payoff’s better

Most dramatic moments. – Loads of opportunities here.

Post a list of the changes you made to the forums.

· Found a scene that was really enhanced by changing the location which provided more levels of emotion.

· Added an internal dilemma for the protagonist as she struggles to take help from a friend/love interest by revealing her would

· Possible cliff hanger to change up the end – where the deranged killer escapes into the mind of Terry who orchestrated everything.

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[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 7 LESSON 4 JAN 2 2022

ROBERT SMITH’S ELEVATED INTEREST

MY VISION OF SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM DOING HIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Well, this assignment and lesson was so inspiring it sent me on a creative binge that I am

still in. Whatever I submit below is only partial of the work that I am continuing.

CHANGES:

SCENE 4: (uncomfortable moment) Rabbi Solomon, upon learning his son has become an associate of a Mafia crime family, declares that his son (Sam/Shmuley) is dead to him.

His son retorts that his dad is hypocritical because his father’s Uncle Max ran with the Bugs-Meyer Mob (the so-called Kosher Nostra), and his dad said he was a hero for busting bones at the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden (in ’39) and running guns to the Haganah in 1947 (these scenes are expressed through archival footage and enactment).

SCENE 4: After he can’t convince Sam to quit the mob, Solomon says Sam is dead to him and Solomon sits Shivah and prays God to forgive him for failing as a father and as a Rabbi. (This is a set up for how Solomon (from beyond the grave with Lou Tasca (Protagonist) tries to still get his son to quit the mob along with Carlo Vizzini, the assassin of Lou Tasca.)

SCENE 8: Introduction of the Antagonist and a set up for a major payoff reveal.

Mob Captain (Tony Rizzo) and owner of mob-hangout Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, makes sexual advances on cocktail waitress Michelle Ippolito who grabs Tony’s arm and twists it into a hammerlock. (She is later revealed to be an FBI undercover agent spying on the activity of the Giordano family of which Tony’s Crew (that includes murdered Lou Tasca (Protagonist), Carlo Vizzini (Lou’s assassin) and Carlo’s friend Sam Levinsky (Rabbi Solomon’s gangster son) is affiliated.

Also Scene 8: Inciting incident.

Uncomfortable moment. Tony Rizzo, wants to present Carlo Vizzini to become a Made Man. But first he has to ‘make his bones’ which Tony orders him to do by whacking Lou Tasca (Protagonist) whom Carlo likes. Internal dilemma for Carlo. Tony claims Lou is a rat (totally untrue – Tony secretly wants Lou out of the way because he doesn’t want to pay Lou $200,000 in gambling debts). This lie angers the soul of Lou Tasca who is given retrospective observance of the circumstances. Lou feels especially betrayed by Tony Rizzo because he was loyal to the point of having been his getaway car driver when Tony whacked super-boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro – revisited in a flashback.

Lou and Rabbi Solomon in their spirit forms are on a mission to convince Carlo Vizzini and the Rabbi’s son, Sam Levinsky to quit the mob and join FBI witness protection. This is Lou’s redemptive act so that his soul can move on to the World to Co

[Eclipse Neilson]

Eclipse Neilson Elevated Interest

THE NUN AND THE WITCH : SCI-FI/MYSTICAL DRAMA

VISION:

I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.

I worked on many scenes adding a bit more interest in the setting, dialog, and two characters getting to know each other.

Built more of Sister Anne finding her rebellious side in quirky ways added a little OCD to her character as subtext for control.

added it bit more humor to Lunea asa balance for hidden grief.

added a bit of symbolic scenery to Athena’s bedroom.

might change one scene to the graveyard.

over all I tweaked here and there if needed in every scene, making sure I accomplished what I set out to do.

[Tom Wilson]

<div>
Added a second Assignment in error.</div><div>

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• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Tom Wilson]

Tom Elevated Interest

ET SEEDS – A drama with thriller elements

Doing this assignment, I learned it’s easy to rewrite an old scene.

Scene 1: Added internal dilemma that will haunt the hero throughout the story.

Scene 14: Stan challenges Phil. Accuses him of faking the sprouting plants.

Scene 16: Morris accuses Phil of being a drug dealer.

Scene 20: Another student wants him to work for his company. Phil: no thanks!

Scene 22: Marge asks Phil for a job. Phil: Stay home, care for our child.

Scene 23: Morris screws up. He can’t be fired, he’s the boss’ dad.

Scene 25: At a food conference, Phil’s shocked to find Randy stole his seeds.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Elevated Interest

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… every scene can and should be elevated using these techniques!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Changes I made to elevate interest:

Opening—Added a more interesting setting: Add THUNDER, LIGHTNING and DARK SHADOWs over the walls, then show the glass of green glowing liquid falling, breaking and the shadows on the dead termites as the liquid oozes onto them and they slowly come to life.

Inciting Incident: Add Intrigue: When Tara and Max and Clare are in her driveway, packing their car for Disneyland, they get in the car and Tara starts to back out. Then we hear a FUNNY SOUNDING HORN and then an UGA-UGA sound. They MOAN IN DEFEAT because they know that horn sound but we don’t know where it’s coming from. Then Tara’s Dad pulls in the driveway behind them and blocks their exit.

Turning Point, Act 1: Add Uncertainty: Tara drives up to the Garden Club with her Dad following her in his car. Her Mom rushes over and says thanks for agreeing to be a driver. We have a surprise for you…one of your good friends will be in your tour group! Tara guesses, but can’t figure it out. Then Davy and his Grandma Meg come outside and Davy runs up waves at her and her heart sinks. The pest is back!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[John Trimbach]

John T’s Elevated Interest

Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.

What I learned doing this assignment is that by going down the list one by one, new ideas pop up giving scenes more depth and interest as well as creating new tie-ins for a deeper plot and theme. This list will also come in handy during the next rewrite – one idea will generate others.

Scene 1: Grace is stabbed. Phil is powerless to stop it.

We see the attacker sneak up on the couple. At first, Phil sees no harm in the stranger. Phil is torn between saving Grace and avoiding Manon’s knife. Manon responds to Phil’s pleading by farting, laughing. Phil gets the upper hand until Manon pulls out his dagger. How does Manon know Phil’s name? Grace apologizes to Phil as she lays dying. Why? Manon pretends he just wants money. Phil asks, Who are you? Manon’s answer: “friend of a friend of a friend.”

Scene 3: 3 months later, Phil trains with knives, kali style.

Phil gets carried away and injures his instructor.

In his mind, Phil sees Manon fighting him. At first he seems in control but suddenly changes radically. Phil blurts out, Grace RUN, then realizes what he just said. Instructor feels betrayed by their agreement: This is getting too personal. Phil at a loss for words but pleads to stay in the course. Louise, secret nod to Kwon, waits for Phil so she can drive him home. Phil admits certain things trigger him. Phil appreciates the lift home so that he can avoid the media at his place. They look for him at his house.

Scene 5: Phil dines at the Blue Nest Diner

He’s having an animated conversation in a booth, but there’s no one there.

The waiter thinks he’s crazy – doesn’t know Phil is just following the advice of his shrink. Waiter brings him the check – Phil realizes the waiter is very uncomfortable so Phil continues the ruse, acting as if Grace is across the table. Would you please describe the desert menu to her? The waiter obliges. Phil smiles. The waiter decides to play along, admires her earings.

Scene 6:

Phil snoozes on Tara’s couch waiting for her daughter, Megan, to get home. She gazes at Phil.

Megan gently kisses Phil – he’s dreaming it’s Grace. He abruptly wakes up, pushes Megan to the carpet. A sex scene plays on the TV. Megan gets off on it before kissing Phil. He’s worried she might be hurt. She’s worried he’ll tell her mom, Tara. Just then, Tara walks in. Both are mum.

Scene 8:

Tara throws Megan a surprise birthday party to celebrate her new Flight Attendant job at Airborne Airways.

She greets Phil with a hug and kiss, whispers in his ear. The FA’s and FO’s notice the affection. Tara attributes it to her avuncular neighbor who helped raise Megan. Phil suspects it’s something more. Megan is all bubbles and charm. FA Louise thinks it’s unseemly. She has a thing for Phil, it would seem. The others, amused, agree that Megan’s PDA’s for Phil are a bit over the top. The men chuckle. How will Phil handle Megan in the workplace? For her part, Megan is quick to change her behavior, innocent one moment, sex starved for Phil the next. She announces the breakup with distrustful Biff, her boyfriend, because he does not want her traveling.

Scene 11:

Phil runs down the jetway for the start of a rough day with the FA’s and irate passengers. He’s late.

Co-pilot Stan hits on Louise – not interested. Phil overhears Louise talk trash about Megan. Georgia stands up for Megan – she’s just affectionate. A passenger gets out of line. A couple argues. Louise spills a drink on a million miler. Phil deasl with him. Louise is upset and Phil consoles her. Phils announces a 30-minute gate hold. A young man lets the back of his hand rub against Louise’s leg as she passes by. She pretends not to notice. Megan shows up as a last minute load factor.

Scene 15:

Megan causes quite a stir aboard, flirting and carousing with male passengers.

A strange man, Ray, 30s, takes an interest in Megan. Engages her and finds out which hotel they’re staying at. Notes her employee number. Says he just so happens to be staying at the same hotel.

Scene 16:

Phil meets the girls for drinks at the layover hotel bar, the Quack Up. Megan is late.

Megan preens in her room, talking to herself about how to attract Phil. Meanwhile, in the bar, Louise mocks her greeting to Phil, feels him up as Megan might. Louise excuses herself to the lav. Louise draws an upsidedown smile on the mirror with lipstick, then connects it with a smile. The girls decide to head out for dinner. Phil agrees to wait for Megan. Delilah reminds Phil that he’s taking on a lot being alone with her. He responds he’s more like a father figure. Georgia says more like a chauffeur.

Scene 19:

Louise knocks on Phil’s door, concerned that the creep from the flight was following her.

Is Louise telling the truth? Is Megan a target? We do see the strange dude from the flight roaming the hotel halls. Phil is dressed in black long johns, black pullover sweater. He asks Louise to tell the rest to wait for Megan – Louise says she will. (But she doesn’t.) We see Phil lie down for a nap. But is he really going to nap?

Scene 24:

Megan shows up late, wanders into the bar, calls Georgia who gives her directions to meet them for dinner. Megan gets hit on by an older dude. She was supposed to meet up with Phil. Where is he?

Megan thinks the man in the bar is single but his cell phone rings and it’s his wife. He leaves quickly. Megan decides to strike out on her own. Louise never gave her the direction she said she would. And where’s Phil? We see the creep from the flight sitting at a bar table staring at Megan.

Scene 26

Megan wanders out into the city, gets lost, calls Phil for directions. Is murdered with a knife. Phil discovers her body.

Did Phil lead her to her death on purpose? Megan notes somebody following her but when she turns around, he’s gone. Phil ubers to a block from where he tells Megan to meet him. The dark figure following Megan grabs her from behind and slits her throat. Is it the creep from the bar? Somebody following her? Is it the man from the bar? Is it Phil? Did he really “discover” the body? Police are curious as to how Phil knew where to look.

Scene 20

Phil interferes with a couple of lowlifes abusing a prostitute so he intervenes with newfound knife tactics.

Spike and Ronny lose the fight but gain Phil’s wallet with pics of Grace and Megan. They think they’re alive and plan to get even with Phil for slicing up Spike’s tatoo’ed face by going after Phil’s “bitches.” Phil is now a target himself. Phil believes the hoodlum who murdered Grace is someone from the society of lowlifes.

Scene 51

Phil dresses down to street rags to find and punish Spike for almost killing him.

Phil pretends to be in need of drugs. Spike’s homies pretend to get Spike to come and meet him. Ronny shows up with a gun. Phil receives a call from Louise checking up on him. He tells her where he is. She hops in her car to come rescue him, shows up in the nick of time, just before Ronny fires his gun. Phil is now indebted to Louise. He discovers that she grew up in a rough neighborhood and an abusive father.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe McGloin’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy screenwriter

What I learned doing this assignment is when I focus on the techniques I can often find one or two or even three more I haven’t used yet, and they don’t disrupt the scene which is my first reaction to using them.

2. With the above set of interest techniques, go to the most important scenes in your script and brainstorm ways to build in more interest techniques.

Scene 1: Added an internal dilemma
that will haunt the hero throughout the story.
Scene 4: Introduced the Antagonist
through a mystery.

· Structure

Opening:
Inciting incident: character changes radically,
uncomfortable moment, suspense
Turning point 1: misinterpretation,
internal dilemma, surprise
Turning point 2: character
changes radically, surprise, uncomfortable moment
Turning point 3: more
interesting setting, misinterpretation, character changes radically

Lead character introductions:

Max:
Jane:
Clarence: uncomfortable
moment, surprise

Reveals –

Max failed Cherub
Jane feels love relationships
will derail her mission: – betrayal, uncomfortable moment
Clarence failed Cherub:
mislead, reveal, surprise
Max must always wear a body,
losing contact w/ Heaven:
betrayal, uncomfortable moment
Clarence pushes a questionable
plan:
Jane loves Max:
misinterpretation, character changes radically, uncomfortable moment,
Max tells her he is her
Guardian Angel:

3. Select the best ideas and rewrite those key scenes to double or triple their level of engagement!

5. Post a list of the changes you made to the forums.

Etc..

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… this assignment took a lot of effort, but it was so worth it. I will continue to use the list of interest techniques.

Scene 10 – Added intrigue with more interaction between Alex and the House Bots. Ended the scene with a surprise, “Logan family, here I come!”

Scene 13 – Set up the formal living room as a special place for Claire so when Alex destroys it, it feels personal.

Scene 15 – Added suspense and a little humor as Joshua’s house is surrounded and broken into.

Scene 18 – Revealed Alex’s fear of water and added more humor to the scene.

Scene 41 – Increased Claire’s internal dilemma when speaking to the hiring manager.

Scene 47 – Added intrigue to the scene between Brad and Alex. This should be a really uncomfortable moment for Brad.

Scene 49 – I took this scene further and in doing so, built anticipation.

Scene 51 – This scene feels like a surprise twist. The scene was taken further, showing that AI can be racist.

Scene 57 – Revealed Alex’s inner turmoil more.

Scene 61 – Increased inner turmoil for Claire.