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Lesson 4
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M. Morgan’s Max Interest Part 1
I learned by using traits I can maximize the interest of my characters and by doing that, the interest of my scenes.
Scene: Act 1 Catalyst
Logline: An enigmatic person crashes the festival to announce dangerous, looming plots.
Essence: To reveal the threat to the village, and the ‘Cup’ that can prevent it.
Interest techniques: Mislead, reveal, surprise, betrayal, intrigue.
INT. VILLAGE GREEN – DAY
The lush manicure of the village green replete with most villagers, celebrating Kynrí’s recent victory, and Caydrin’s humble lesson. A festive atmosphere; children run around, and adults toast their goblets and feast from the buffet spread. A large wooden stage stands at the center, where the STEWARDS, ADRIC and ERLÍAN,prepare to give a speech..
Raegan and Kearíel mingle with their friends, Keeva and Emmelynne.
ADRIC
(standing up)
A different celebration, usually toasting the merits of my incredible son…
Caydrin not showing the same enthusiasm as Kynrí who relishes his feat a bit too much.
ADRIC
But today, his friend has taken that roll—
Suddenly, a CLOAKED STRANGER pushes through to the stage. It’s DRENG.. He interrupts Adric.
DRENG
–Enough celebration. There’s something far more urgent to discuss.
ERLÍAN
(agitated)
The manner of your approach merits a negative response to your request.
Dreng smashes a bottle and causes it to burst into flame. He dips his torch into it and brandishes his blade.
Some VILLAGERS move in to take him out but ADRIC gestures to them to let Dreng be, for now.
DRENG
I have no time for formal reasons and pleasantries. Once Darginloch advances, all your lives will be changed forever.
ERLÍAN
Then what is it you would ask?
DRENG
I must speak with you about the cup.
ADRIC
(dismissive)
Ah, the cup. There’s always one of you, isn’t there. It’s the same story, the same myth—
DRENG
If it were nothing more than myth, I would not be before you in this manner.
ADRIC
You’re not the first.
DRENG
Then hope I’m the last and not him. It’s idle in your keeping.
ERLÍAN
It’s a reminder of division, and the damage that led our predecessors to this land.
DRENG
(mockingly laughs)
Division will come, the rumors of Ligdraca, the ruler of Nagath,intensifies.
Technique: Character changes radically & Mislead/Reveal
ERLÍAN
(whispers to Adric)
Do you know where it is?
ADRIC
(whispers back)
Yes, but it’s not here.
DRENG
You may not care for the cup, but Ligdraca does. The forces in Darginloch strengthen every day.
ERLÍAN
(interjects)
So, you suggest we just give it to him? Strengthen an enemy?
DRENG
No. I suggest you use it before he does. It’s not a mere symbol; it can summon something far more powerful.
ADRIC
(astonished)
You can’t mean—
DRENG
I do. I suggest you use it to summon the one thing Ligdraca fears.
ERLÍAN
(stands)
You mean to say it could summon the—
DRENG
—Yes. The Guardian of Aranak.
ADRIC
(turning to crowd)
What say you all? Do we gamble with myths, or do we prepare for war?
The crowd is divided; some shout in agreement, others in fear. Raegan and Kearíel exchange a worried look.
DRENG
Darginloch won’t wait. Whatever you think I’m capable of, it’s nothing compared to him.
Dreng lights the stage on fire, then jumps off the stage, disappearing in the mayhem. Adric and Erlían abandon the stage.
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Title: Anita Daher Max Interest Part 1
What I’ve learned is that even when you think (or thought) a scene works, by considering these techniques and using where fitting there may be ways to strengthen and increase interest.
Logline: Eugenia has a rude awakening
Essence: Eugenia and Tammy are not off to a good start after buddy across the way tricks her into taking Tammy’s bed.
Techniques: Suspense, surprise, betrayal
INT. WOMEN’S BUNKHOUSE – NIGHT
Eugenia is fast asleep under a thick quilt, head resting on a soft pillow. Her gear piled on the floor.
A door creaks open and we see booted feet step into the bunkhouse.
It’s Tammy. Even in the moonlight we see her staring, eyes narrowing. She does not look happy.
Suddenly Eugenia is dumped out of bed wearing only a tank and sleep shorts as Tammy roars–
TAMMY
What are you doing in my bed?
EUGENIA
Wha? Huh?
Eugenia fights her way back to an awake state and scrambles backward in the dark on all fours trying to get away. She whacks against table and chairs, knocks over a chair and pulls herself upright by the door.
Tammy is now visible in the moonlight streaming through the window. She’s furious.
TAMMY
That’s my bed!
EUGENIA
But I thought–
TAMMY
Just what we need, another golfurnaking slider!
As Tammy moves toward her, Eugenia lurches through the door, and–now awake enough to be angry–slams it behind her. The creek is bright under the moonlight.
Tammy opens the door.
TAMMY
You forgot something.
She flings Eugenia’s gear bag at her.
Eugenia catches it full force as the door slams shut. She stumbles backward into the creek. It’s icy cold and she gasps as she stands and retrieves her sopping gear bag.
The door opens again and her boots sail over her head and into the creek.
TAMMY
Stay outta my space!
EUGENIA
Where am I supposed to–
The door slams shut.
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What I learned from this assignment is enhancing this scene.
Select the scene from your script that needs help – Tina uses guilt tactics on her mother, Joy, to babysit her kids at the last minute in order to go on a blind date.
Logline: Tina tries to interrupt her mom’s plans by using guilt tactics to force her into babysitting.
Essence: Tina is really telling her mother that she left her alone with various babysitters when she was a kid while she was out with different men.
Twist: I originally had Joy give in to Tina after her comment, cancel her trip to Vegas and babysit the kids, but I decided to create a twist and have her not babysit.
EXT. JOY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Tina, driving a nice convertible with Lacey and Corey in the back seat, pulls up in front of a modest single-story house.
LACEY
Why are we at Grandma’s?
Tina doesn’t answer as she’s busy reading texts on her phone.
LACEY
Mom…
TINA
Change of plan. Come on.
Tina gets out of the car. Lacey gives Corey a look. He shrugs his shoulders. They get out of the car.
Just as they head to the front door, it opens and JOY, an early 50s woman in jeans, sunglasses and a hoddie, carrying a suitcase, is about to walk out of the door. She freezes when she sees Tina and the kids.
JOY
Heck no.
Joy rolls her suitcase to the curb and waits.
TINA
What do you mean, no?
JOY
N to the O. I ain’t babysitting. Pam is on her way, and we headed to that women’s conference out in Vegas.
TINA
So that’s why you weren’t at church today.
JOY
Spent all morning packing for this trip. I’ve been waiting for this conference for two months. They got a gospel fest going on and that famous pastor, Rochelle Whitney, gonna be signing autographs. I’ll holler at y’all later.
TINA
Mom, just watch them for an hour. One hour, that’s it.
JOY
Tina, go on with all that.
TINA
One lousy hour! You can’t do an hour?!
JOY
Look, I’m sick of you dropping your kids off at the last minute all the time! I got a life too!
Lacey and Corey look upset.
JOY
What I’m saying is Grandma loves you, Lacey and Corey, but I got plans today. And Tina, you know I babysit all the time. Have I ever said no?
Tina looks away.
JOY
That’s right.
TINA
You had no problem handing me off to babysitters when I was a kid…
Joy is a little remorseful. A new SEDAN pulls up to the curb. The window rolls down and we see PAM, an attractive early 50s woman, sitting in the driver’s seat.
PAM
Hi, everyone. Looking good, Tina.
TINA
Thanks, Miss Pam.
PAM
You ready, Joy?
JOY
(upset)
Pam, do you mind if I watch my grandkids for an hour?
PAM
But the conference starts in five hours. We better head to Vegas now before the traffic gets bad.
JOY
You wanna go on without me and I’ll meet you there later?
PAM
Well…
JOY
You know what, scratch that. I’m going.
TINA
What?
Joy gets in Pam’s car.
TINA
Mom!
JOY (whispering to Pam)
Drive, drive!
Pam drives off.
TINA
Mom!
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Susan McClary’s Max Interest Part 1
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is….
Using even more interest techniques than I had originally, made my writing more interesting and funnier.
Take a scene that needs to be more interesting and use the Interest list to brainstorm more interesting ways to write it.
Take these steps:
Select the scene from your script that needs help and give us a logline for that scene.
Logline: Fabio follows Boldo to Sofia’s ristorante to spy on him.
Tell us the essence of the scene.
Boldo goes to Sofia’s to soothe his fears with food and spend more even more time avoiding doing his plumbing work in order to stay in San Remo and hide from the Camorra. Fabio follows Boldo to spy on him and find out what he is up to and why Fabio still can’t take a shower.
Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest techniques for the rewrite.
Suspense, Surpise, Intrigue, Irony
Rewrite the scene using as many interest techniques as you can and include the newly rewritten scene in your post.
Baldo zig-zags through the center of town on his bike/ordinator. Fabio pulls to the side of the road next to a fountain with a Cherub splashing water from his pene to observe Boldo. “A bit high class for him, no?” Ferrari pulls a rifle from behind him and points it in Boldo’s direction… in order to remove the brand new rifle scope. He looks through the scope and sees Baldo totter through the door of Sofia’s Ristorante. The door smacks Boldo in the ass and he is thrust forward.
Inside Sofia’s we see Boldo bash into a table and pull on the table cloth to right himself. The couple sitting there hold onto the table and cloth to keep their lunch from falling off. They each give him the “the double horns” hand gesture. Boldo is mortified. He clutches his chest, shivers, crosses himself and kisses the cimaruta charm hanging from his neck chain.
Back at the fountain Fabio exasperated, exclaiming to the cherub, “Why did I hire that fool? All the pipes and pumps were installed… all he had to do was hook up the fixtures!” Fabio looks the cherub in the eyes and sighs, “He came with official papers from the Italian Commissioners of Trade Offices… and he had a heart tattoo on his fat hairy chest with a cupid, a bow and ah arrow inside… you can understand that right? That must have hurt!” Shaking his fist, “I believed he was in love, a good man!” Fabio gazes down at his feet, “So who’s the sentimental fool now, huh?” Fabio puts the rifle scope back up to his eye, but the solar glare on the pane glass window prevents him from seeing inside. “Useless!”
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Susan McClaryu.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Christi Falk – Max Interest Part 1
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I need to take more time to add descriptive lines. It’s not enough that I know what’s happening. Readers need to know the essence that may not be obvious without them. It also makes a different pace.
1. I’ve selected the Grecian Mansion scene on Page 74. It’s problematic because it’s so long with so many interchanging actors. Also, I really suck at writing action scenes.
Logline – Anne is faced with her new family and must choose allegiances where the stakes are life and death.
2. Anne has the diamonds but realizes her friend Suzanne’s life is more important. She feels the sharp betrayal of the Colonel and the distrust of both men. Everyone has different motivations and she’s not even sure about her own.
3. Suspense – with the heightened stakes and the guns and whatnot, the balance of power is precarious.
Major Twist – Minks unmasked! Also, Anne is smarter than they thought as she hides the diamonds in an unsuspecting place.
Surprise – Annes difficulty choosing sides, despite what she knows to be true.
Character changes radically- we realize that Minks in various disguises is a soldier of fortune who can easily pass for a man or a woman.
Betrayal – Anne feels the loss of Eustache deeply as she had connected strongly to him as a father figure.
4. INT. GRECIAN MANSION FOYER- AFTERNOON
An authentic Greek mansion with priceless works of art. Duncan, Anne and Harry rush into the foyer.
ANNE
Are you sure this is it?
DUNCAN
Yes, I checked with immigration.
HARRY
One room at a time.
They nod in agreement and cautiously approach each visual obstruction. Anne moves past a tall bookshelf and sees a body reclining on the couch.
ANNE
Suzanne!
She rushes over and kneels to check her pulse. Duncan and Harry stand behind her.
ANNE
She’s alive.
A CLACK CLACK noise as a figure walks down the staircase into the foyer, gun trained on them.
EUSTACHE
Of course she’s alive. I’m never off with my miracle drinks.
Duncan pulls his weapon and moves infront of Suzanne as Anne stands in shock. Harry shifts further away, towards Eustache as he descends the staircase.
EUSTACHE
You must be the young man Suzanne’s told me so much about.
Harry stays silent.
ANNE
Sir Eustache?
EUSTACHE
Yes, my dear. I am sorry. I really am fond of you.
DUNCAN
Let them go.
Eustache laughs as Harry slowly sidles to the other side of the room.
EUSTACHE
My good man, everyone’s free to go. I have what I came for.
He pulls a toilet roll holder out of his pocket. Anne looks at the sleeping Suzanne.
EUSTACHE
Don’t be too hard on her, Anne. She’s a good woman.
ANNE
What did you do?
EUSTACHE
Just a hangover cure that’s sure to knock you out for 12 hours. When she comes to, I’ll just tell her you’ve met an untimely end by the Colonel.
ANNE
I thought it was Pagett.
EUSTACHE
Yes, poor Pagett. He’s married, you know. Dreadfully shy about it as my employment ad specifically requested a single man. He’s with them now, being framed up as the Colonel.
ANNE
You mean-
EUSTACHE
Don’t look so surprised, my dear, you believed it. I made sure he was at the site of every murder, every crime, that I committed.
ANNE
But you weren’t in the country?
DUNCAN
Rich people always have more than one passport.
EUSTACHE
Exactly!
Eustache is now at the bottom of the staircase and moves close to Anne.
EUSTACHE
Be a dear and open this.
He tosses the toilet roll to Anne. She turns the cylinder a few times, hears a click and pulls it open to reveal the stones.
EUSTACHE
Ah, beautiful. Now my dear, if you’d be so kind as to hand them to me.
HARRY
Don’t!
EUSTACHE
Please, young man. I’d prefer not to kill you here. The Persian.
Anne takes the stones and puts them all in her mouth.
EUSTACHE
Now, my dear, that’s childish. I’ll get them back eventually.
She chews them with a loud CRACK. Eustache startles, then laughs.
EUSTACHE
Clever girl! I should have known. Where are the real ones?
He menacingly trains the gun on her.
DUNCAN
Eustache, or should I call you Colonel, it’s over.
He smiles, watching Harry jockey closer to him.
EUSTACHE
No, it’s over for all of you. Here!
He gestures for Harry to move closer to them. He stands still, then complies. Duncan moves in a protective stance on the other side of Suzanne.
EUSTACHE
Anne, dear, my offer is genuine. I’d like to adopt you. You have nothing. I’m rich. Retired, I can show you the world as it’s meant to be seen.
ANNE
You’re a criminal.
EUSTACHE
It was something to do. I’ve since grown tired of that life. I was hoping to add a wife to the mix but it looks like that won’t be possible.
He sighs at the figure of Suzanne and comes closer to them. Harry takes his chance and lunges at the gun and they both wrestle to the ground.
ANNE
Harry!
Duncan stands back, trying to aim as they go back and forth.
DUNCAN
I don’t have a clean shot!
Anne upends a lamp and holds it above her head to use it when she sees the room covered in red laser beams.
ANNE
No!
The men notice at the crimson dots on their chests. Anne places the lamp back on the side table. Minks, dressed in military fatigues, emerges from the doorway.
EUSTACHE
Friend or foe!
Minks smiles.
MINKS
Colonel, I’ve been tracking you for many years. I’m so glad to be the one who collects your bounty.
Masked men appear from all directions of the room, carrying weapons with laser pointers. They cuff Eustache and disarm Duncan.
DUNCAN
Who are you?
MINKS
Nobody. I’m a ghost.
Eustache laughs.
EUSTACHE
A ghost, a myth, a legend! Pleased to meet you, Minks.
LOCAL POLICE enter where Minks came in to take Eustache into custody. Before he leaves the room, Eustache turns back.
EUSTACHE
Anne, my dear, I will escape. When I do, my offer still stands.
He is led out of the room. Harry approaches her and Minks.
HARRY
Anne, the diamonds?
She turns to Minks.
ANNE
I know you somehow. We’ve met.
Minks winks at her.
MINKS
Several times. I am who I need to be to accomplish a task.
ANNE
Do you work for the government?
MINKS
Many governments. I use my talents to restore the balance of world powers.
DUNCAN
I’d like my gun back.
Minks nods to the armed men. One gives Duncan his gun and clip separately. The armed men disperse as quickly as they appeared. Duncan puts the clip back into his gun and holsters it.
DUNCAN
Well, I don’t recognize you.
MINKS
Don’t you, now?
ANNE
Reverend Chichester?
MINKS
Very good, fraulein.
ANNE
Mrs. Pettigrew?!
MINKS
Yes, and many more. It was necessary to keep tabs on the Colonel.
Duncan leans over to try and rouse Suzanne with little success. Harry briskly looks over the room.
ANNE
Will he escape?
MINKS
He has many connections in the police force but my bounty is being paid as we speak.
DUNCAN
His identity is known now. He’ll have to start again.
MINKS
My sources confirm as much.
Harry grabs Anne by the shoulders.
HARRY
Anne, the diamonds!
ANNE
For goodness sake!
Anne spies Suzanne’s purse beside her and grabs it. She pulls out her candy rock bag and throws it at Harry as she discards the purse on the ground.
ANNE
Here, is this what you want?
Harry dumps the contents into his hands. Mixed with candies were the uncut gems. He heaves a huge sigh of relief, just to watch Minks scoop them out of his hand.
HARRY
The diamonds belong to me!
MINKS
The diamonds belong to Africa.
Minks moves to leave but Harry blocks his path.
MINKS
Alright, young man, let’s go.
They exit together, leaving Anne, Duncan and an unconscious Suzanne alone.
ANNE
..He.. just left..
Duncan masterfully picks up the unconscious Suzanne, oblivious to Anne’s shock.
DUNCAN
He’ll be fine but Suzanne needs medical help.
Anne blinks and gestures to the far corridor.
ANNE
I saw a garage on the way in, that way.
Duncan needs no further encouragement and leads the way out. Anne picks up Suzanne’s purse and follows.
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