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Lesson 4
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Subject Line: Jane Alcala: 10 Most Interesting Things (Assignment in Progress, not yet finished)
What I learned from this lesson: that I still either need to make
1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:
- A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? “Hero” (Dara): Badass, yet sober, reformed ex-felon who desperately wants to succeed as a comedian doing stand-up about her past as a “handjob only” sex worker. She is genuinely funny/talented as a stand-up and insult comic, so her lines are funny. “Villian”: Patricia, “Pat McCarthy”: Dara’s burned out ex-parole agent who turned to doing stand-up comedy to cope with being fired for negligence at her job. Pat is also a quirky, laughingstock loner obsessed with caring for animals. Pat is deadpan, sardonic type. She can deliver stand-up jokes, but isn’t a polished comedian. Dara holds a major grudge against Pat, who she believes caused her to miss out on a major break in her career: opening for a celebrity comedian on that comedian’s comedy special.
- B. Major hook of your opening scene? Opening scene is a montage of Dara doing stand-up about being a hand-job sex-worker at crappy comedy gigs. The point is to establish her as a funny, but struggling underdog. Scene ends with Dara revealing that she holds a grudge from being on parole.
- C. Any turning points? On Page 4, Dara gets a break: she’s accepted into her first comedy festival. Page 10: At festival performance, Dara is shocked to find out that Pat is also performing as a comic in the show. Page 12: Dara, thrown off by seeing Pat perform jokes about being a parole agent, scraps her stand-up set and roasts Pat instead. Page 16: Dara gets another break: a Comedy Central Roast show host, offers her an audition to the show. However, he tells her she must bring Pat to roast against her. Page 19: Frantically searching for Pat after the show, Dara finds Pat waiting at a bus stop. Page 39: After Pat refuses to do the show, Dara tries to talk celebrity comedian, Chantelle, (she has a feud with) into doing roast battle with her, but Chantelle belittles her. Page 50: Using Pat’s soft-spot for rescuing animals, Dara finds a way to meet up with Pat again and convince her to audition for the roast battle show. Page 63: As Dara and Pat bond over prepping for the audition, Pat reveals to Dara that she was slacking off on her job. Dara connects the dots and realizes that this was the major reason Pat made her miss out on a major break with Chantelle while on parole. Page 65: Despite Dara’s reawakened resentment toward Pat, the two ace the audition. Page 80: Dara and Pat get in a fight and Dara swears off the TV roast battle. Page 82: Desperate for money, Dara seeks out a hand-job gig. Page 85: Pat tricks Dara into showing that she still worries about/cares for Pat and a spontaneous mini-roast battle between them. Dara is coaxed back into the TV roast battle. Page 90: Celebrity comedian who belittled Dara shows up at TV Roast Battle as a surprise judge. Page 95: During Roast Battle, Pat finally apologizes to Dara for not caring about her when she was on parole. Dara accepts apology. Chantelle causes a physical fight to break out among the three of them and they all end up in handcuffs. Page 96: Pat and Dara meet up to commiserate at the dog rescuse shelter and get hired to clean kennels. Page 98: Chantelle puts out post on IG, offering Dara a spot on her comedy tour. Page 100: A year later, Pat is manager of dog shelter. Dara has part on Chantelle’s sitcom and an upcoming comedy tour of her own. Page 101: Dara and Pat have remained friends.
- C. 3 Main turning points: 1. Dara is offered chance to be on a comedy roast battle, but is required to talk her ex-paole agent into battling against her. 2) After refusing Dara’s plea to battle her, Pat finally agrees to do it 3) A grudge between them over their prior relationship wreaks havoc between them.
- D. Emotional dilemma: Dara must either suck up/compromise her true feelings to carry through on a big career break or be true to her feelings and give up on career opportunity.
- E. Major twists: 1) Pat is on line-up at Dara’s first comedy festival; 2) Dara is offered chance to roast Pat on TV 3) Dara convinces Pat to be in show 4) Pat reveals to Dara why she was fired 5) At TV roast, Chantelle shows up as judge, wreaks havoc, leading Pat and Dara to stop roasting and make up with each other.
- F. Reversals: Pat starts to care for Dara; Dara starts to care for Pat
- G. Character betrayals: Feelings of past betrayals between Pat and Dara emerge and cause issues between them throughout script.
- H. Or any big surprises? No
2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.
–Two main characters have a unique, fraught past as parolee/parole agent
–A hand-job only sex-worker does stand-up about that strikes me as unique and funny
–The main characters have to
3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things. Post those to the forums.
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Jane Alcala.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Jane Alcala.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Jane Alcala.
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Christi Falk’s 10 most interesting things
What I learned in doing this assignment is the streamlining of big picture images to assist producers/managers in seeing the screenplays potential.
1. Hooks:
A) the hero is a sheltered orphan without a cellphone desperately looking for connection.
The villan is a millionaire playboy who finds her appealing and offers to adopt her.
B) opening scene hook
Startled, Carton falls down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t.
C) turning points:
Anne decides to use the dead man’s ticket.
Anne decides to help Harry instead of turning him in.
Anne is talked into giving her late father’s presentation.
Anne finds the diamonds but decides to protect them herself, despite Suzanne’s offer to help.
D) Emotional dilemmas:
Anne considers a proposal from an old friend- doesn’t love him, just tired of being alone
Proposal from Eustache- a murderer who tried to kill her but would replace the father figure she’s so desperately missing.
E +F) Major Twists and reversals:
Anne is nervous to travel but then is given the ticket of a lifetime
Anne thinks she’s meeting Harry but is kidnapped instead.
Anne is almost thrown overboard but then is rescued by Harry.
Harry shows up to propose but Anne makes a personal request instead.
G) Character Betrayals:
Villan turns from a benevolent character to showing his true nature.
Minks – embodies so many characters, his allegiance wasn’t known.
H- any big surprises?
Minks- multiple characters with complete arcs, and his reveal at the end.
Padgett seemed like the killer but was innocent.
Duncan’s dead son is alive!
Suzanne decides to get married again!
10 most interesting things:
1. Minks is a cross dressing agent of fortune.
2. Anne is a sheltered orphan out for adventure and catches an international diamond smuggler.
3. Agatha Christie public domain.
4. Action adventure script that’s PG-13.
5. Multiple exotic locations- Greece and ports of call.
6. 2 love stories, one for the old and one for the young.
7. It’s a murder mystery- who killed the Russian dancer? Who stole the diamonds? Why did they try to kill Anne?
8. Actual archeological sites are visited with current finds referenced- I’m happy to update with more recent discoveries closer to the shooting.
9. Carton kicks off Anne’s adventure by falling down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t!
10. Only one attempt to turn it into film(very low budget by its execution. Still, very hard working of them to try) and this can be much different in high budget land.
EDIT: So, realized I jumped ahead a bit. Fixing the top 10 based on the current exercise.
10 most interesting things:
1. Minks is a cross dressing agent of fortune.
2. Anne is a sheltered orphan out for adventure and catches an international diamond smuggler.
3. Anne’s sheltered life brings different behaviours and solutions- she doesn’t even have a cell phone.
4. The Villan is disguised as a benevolent character, even connecting on an emotional level with Anne.
5. Pagett seemed like the killer, but was innocent. Of killing, still a sexist bastard.
6. 2 love stories, one for the old and one for the young.
7. It’s a murder mystery- who killed the Russian dancer? Who stole the diamonds? Why did they try to kill Anne?
8. Actual archeological sites are visited with current finds referenced- I’m happy to update with more recent discoveries closer to the shooting.
9. Carton kicks off Anne’s adventure by falling down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t!
10. Anne’s headstrong reasoning gets her almost killed and kidnapped, only to be rescued by Harry.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: fixed the exercise
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Isti Madarasz 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is that in my pitch the task is not to tell a story as interesting as possible, but to put the most interesting things in a row to make it seem like a story… if you get their interest, they will read the story anyway.
- The story of KONTRAKT takes place in a world where the laws of nature can be overwritten by lawyers with special skills. Anything can change hands and be regulated by contracts: the minerals deep in the mountains, the good quality air or even the calcium in your bones.
- Our hero, Simon, is one of the most powerful contractor ever born. With his special abilities, he works on the most complex and influential contracts that hold sway over the fate of millions of countries and people.
- It quickly becomes clear that the country Simon has come to conquer with his new treaty is actually his home country. Having been sold out to the oppressive military power by his parents as a child, he now returns thirsting for revenge and filled with anger to prove his immense power to them.
- But Simon himself is also trapped by treaties, bound from childhood to the state that raised him by a so-called shackle contract, from which he can only escape by seeking out his family, who have cast him away, and somehow agreeing to break his own shackle contract.
- Of course, Simon also writes contracts for himself that give him exceptional benefits, such as being able to see in the dark, not feeling pain and his personal favorite: not getting rained on – imagine the scene when he walks down the street in the pouring rain for the first time without a drop falling on him – like a superhero.
- It’s pretty spectacular when he has to interfere with the natural order of things: when the military asks him to help stop a hostile demonstration, he changes the weather parameters to bring a blizzard to the city in the middle of summer
- Although he is one of the best-trained contractors, here he is up against an unknown, powerful contract writer.
- He has an 8-year-old daughter, Filippa, whom he has raised alone since her mother’s death, and who, in the course of the story, will reveal that she himself may have been born with a gift for reality-shaping, and that it may have been this gift that caused his mother’s tragic death
- One of the biggest turning points in the story is an anti-gravity terrorist attack, where this unknown contractor with immense reality-shaping powers turns off gravity, then turns it back on when everything and everyone is floating in the air, causing massive destruction and death in the city. Simon’s daughter Filippa is also seriously injured in the attack and falls into a coma
- For Simon, it turns out that only one person can help his little girl recover, and that is the unknown enemy who launched the terrorist attack that put his daughter in hospital.
- His adversary turns out to be a woman hiding a terrible secret. As much as they are on opposite sides, Simon and she need each other and must work together
- Simon’s well-constructed, orderly world, surrounded by contracts, begins to fall apart as events here unfold, and the rock-solid certainty of the law is replaced by the uncertainty of newfound emotions and doubts.
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R Whitney
1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:
- A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? My villain(s) are sweet orchard farmers. My hero is a loving daughter who doesn’t want to see her misguided parent go to jail.
- B. Major hook of your opening scene? Our hero tells her fiancé that before he meets her parents that he needs to be prepared for a couple of screwballs.
- C. Any turning points? Our hero discovers her parents a poisoning homeless people. Her loving fiancé decides to help her with a plan to keep them from prison.
- D. Emotional dilemma? Whether to try to hide her parents deeds or go to the police.
- E. Major twists? Our hero finds out her cousin is staying with them and that the cousin is an escaped lunatic murder. She also finds out her ex-con brother now pimps and brings his murdered whores to bury in the orchard.
- F. Reversals?
- G. Character betrayals? Our hero’s lunatic cousin tells the police that her Uncle and Aunt are murders.
- H. Or any big surprises? The number of poisoned homeless exceeds 70.
2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer. Majority of the script takes place at our hero’s parents farm house.
3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things. Post those to the forums.
4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.
I learned how to glean out the significant interest points of the story.
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John Chabot 10 Most Interesting Things
<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
I actually have two main villains. They are twins who are both wizards, one from each rival kingdom. They are secretly in cahoots and conspire to unite the kingdoms under wizard rule.
The hero is an aspiring court jester who works doing stand-up comedy at the busker spot in the local market.
The mini villain is a medieval rock star who had a previous relationship with the princess who the protag is tasked with getting pregnant.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
The opening scene is the protagonist, the aspiring court jester, being injected with the wizard’s semen.
C. Any turning points?
The wizard is trying to find a date for the rival kingdom princess. He is looking for someone to seduce her. While watching the protag perform stand-up comedy. The princess remarks: “Every woman wants a man who can make her laugh.” The wizard has found his man. That gets the ball rolling.
The protag’s parents are taken hostage.
The princess goes against her original intent and starts to like the protag.
The rock star boyfriend interrupts the princess and the protag’s tryst. She sends them both on a quest.
The protag is put in jail. He discovers his kingdom’s princess is still alive.
Instead of being hanged, the protag is hypnotized and sent to kill his own king.
As the wizards are dragging the protag off to prison for killling the king, which he didn’t do, the enemy princess says she’s had a change of heart and wants the comedian sent back for another date.
The wizard injects the protag again.
The protag regains his memory and sets out to rescue his kingdom’s princess.
The protag defeats the rock star and the evil princess. Then he defeats the wizards. Then he defeats the wizards combined into one giant wizard.
D. Emotional dilemma?
Either the protagonist knocks up the enemy princess or he dies. Additionally, his parents are held hostage.
E. Major twists?
We think the friendly princess has been a) turned into a pig b) and then killed only to learn she is alive and in prison.
The rock star is a traitor. And he was on the same mission as the protag (i.e. he had been injected with wizard semen).
The two wizards are in cahoots.
F. Reversals?
It seems the protagonist is about to be hanged, but he gets hypnotized and sent to kill his own king.
G. Character betrayals?
The protag’s girlfriend is actually in love with and in a relationship with his best friend. The girlfriend and best friend get caught together, which reveals their secret.
His parents rent out the protag’s room without telling him.
H. Or any big surprises?
It is established that the mini villain rock star has all gold teeth because he chose gold teeth over gold records as a reward for being a bestselling musician. On his death bed he admits choosing the teeth was a dumb idea. In the final battle, when it’s the protag and the friendly princess against an amalgamation of the two wizards, the protag uses the gold teeth to deflect the big wizard’s lightning bolts back at the wizard, killing him.
2. Other interesting things:
The protag does a stand-up comedy routine.
His friend does a prop comedy routine.
Balancing on his penis, the protag does push-ups, hops and spins.
His rock star rival sings a song about their princess having been turned into a pig.
When they became enemies, the rock star and the protag predicted someday one would kill the other.
The protag’s buddy claims to have invented foreplay. He calls it “beforeplay”.
The prop comedian and protag construct a prop pig’s head.
When the protag ejaculates the wizard’s semen (twice), the semen creates beautiful art, murals!
The princess knights the protag.
One wizard uses venetian blinds to hypnotize the protag.
The protag goes in and out of hypnosis as the trigger word is repeated nearby.
A parade is held for the protag to celebrate him mating with the evil princess, which he never did. The wizards arranged the parade. The towspeople are actually angry at the protag because they all bet against him and lost money because he succeeded.
The rock star gets his head cut off with a thrown LP record.
The protag becomes king.
3. Top Ten
1. Villain/Hero
I actually have two main villains. They are twins who are both wizards, one from each rival kingdom. They are secretly in cahoots and conspire to unite the kingdoms under wizard rule.
The hero is an aspiring court jester who works doing stand-up comedy at the busker spot in the local market.
The mini villain is a medieval rock star who had a previous relationship with the princess who the protag is tasked with getting pregnant.
2. The opening scene is the protagonist, the aspiring court jester, being injected with the wizard’s semen.
3. The wizard is trying to find a date for the rival kingdom princess. He is looking for someone to seduce her. While watching the protag perform stand-up comedy. The princess remarks: “Every woman wants a man who can make her laugh.” The wizard has found his man. That gets the ball rolling.
4. The protag is put in jail. He discovers his kingdom’s princess is still alive.
5. Instead of being hanged, the protag is hypnotized and sent to kill his own king.
6. The wizard injects the protag again.
7. The protag regains his memory and sets out to rescue his kingdom’s princess.
8. The protag defeats the rock star and the evil princess. Then he defeats the wizards. Then he defeats the wizards combined into one giant wizard.
9. The protag does a stand-up comedy routine.
10. The protag becomes king.
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Susan Arnout Smith’s 10 Most Interesting Things.
What I learned doing this assignment is: This exercise is part of my sharpening points of interest and how to express these clearly and succinctly. I’ll be working at editing and reframing, adding and subtracting as I go forward.
Assignment:
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
Villain: A principal who hates kids and sabotages her school to fail.
Hero: Talks to an Angel, yet doubts God’s got the chops to get the job done.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
A young girl vanishes into a stranger’s car
C. Any turning points?
School will go under without a miracle; Shelly steps up.
Shelly’s big dream crashes against the rocks of other’s disbelief.
Shelly gives up.
Shelly comes back.
D. Emotional dilemma?
Either Shelly saves the school, or saves her family.
E. Major twists?
The ‘slow problem kid’ is actually bright and being used as a cash crop by adults.
Shelly’s ‘choice’ impacts Heaven
F. Reversals?
Revealed as ‘smart’, a kid’s life gets worse, not better.
Afraid of failing, Shelly sets up failure by quitting.
G. Character betrayals?
Shelly betrays the community.
Shelly betrays a promise made to her family.
Principal lies to Diocese and claims Shelly’s work as hers.
H. Or any big surprises?
Reveal: Girl not killed by stranger; drowns searching for Shelly.
God and the Angel bet on whether Shelly will choose Good or Evil.
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