Lesson 4 Assignment

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Interests

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this
assignment is a process to go through a script and quickly add more interest
techniques.<div>

Scenes to elevate:

· Opening:

o Scene 2: Added an internal dilemma that will haunt the hero throughout the story – the hero suffers from PTSD as a result of the Iraq war. Added him freaking out in the restaurant as he remembers one of the darker episodes of his tour. Scene 1 is the darker tour which is a superior position.

· Protagonist Introduction:

o Scene 2: By adding the internal dilemma, there is an escalation of uncertainty – will Conall suffer a complete mental breakdown. This adds an uncomfortable moment, when his wife tries to calm him down while all the other patrons in the restaurant are staring and whispering.

· Antagonist Introduction:

o I’ve already made him pretty weasely. And have an uncomfortable moment, hints at something unseen.

o Scene 11: Here is revealed a list of Conall’s “war crimes”. Added uncomfortable moment when Conall attacks Harry for bringing it up. When the others in the room try to break it up, Conall takes them down also. Then he “snaps” out of it. Surveys the men on the floor who are either out cold or nursing bruised faces and bodies. Then that’s when they say, “yep, you’re our man”! Also, adds suspense because we don’t know how this will play out.

· Triangle Character Introduction:

o There is already intrigue as Jay’s appearance is odd. So he’s a mystery.

o Scene 13: Jay has just informed Conall’s team the artefact is not in Iraq. Do we have a betrayal? When Jay is challenged by the “go to move” of going for their guns, Jay becomes a larger than life Alien, SURPRISE. He becomes menacing and demonstrates his superior technological and biological skills (don’t know yet what that looks like). This will add an uncomfortable moment and a dilemma.

· Reveal of Jay’s mission:

o Scene 20: Added intrigue – if he’s here to change the future what does that mean for the rest of us. Added dilemma to Conall’s team, if they help Jay and change the timeline, they may not exist. If they don’t help Jay, they’re all dead anyways in a few years’ time.

o Scene 30: Added mystery – what would happen if Jay doesn’t follow the Galactic governing body’s rules – this would add another layer of conflict and mayhem.

· Most Dramatic Moments:

o Scene 41: Added superior position with Conall hiding inside the building while Harry steals what he thinks is the artefact.

o Scene 44: Added surprise. When the mercenaries come back and see the saucer it paralyzes them just enough and then the saucer becomes aggressive.

o Scene 51: Added surprise and a twist. Lieutenant Sarah gets killed. Not quite sure how this looks yet. But it leaves Jay and Conall against Harry and whomever else he has lurking in the shadows. Adds suspense. Sets Conall back mentally.

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[Frances Emerson]

MODULE SEVEN LESSON FOUR

FRAN’S ELEVATED INTEREST

WHAT I LEARNED: It was kind of interesting what I was able to come up with as I thought about what little extra push I could put into the scenes to keep the audience interested. I know these aren’t all the scenes. But I think it’s a goo start.

MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.

Olga’s Yacht Scene

Have Pavel deliberately entice Olga. Show he has as much interest in her as she him. This set is a set up for the later scene where Olga sees Pavel asking the czar for one of the lady in waiting’s hand in marriage, breaking Olga’s heart.

Meredith and Jerome’s Courtroom Battle

Jerome brings Kyron in to testify on his behalf as a co-respondent. He countersues Meredith, she has committed adultery surprising Meredith.

Soldier Dmitri’s Betrayal of Olga at the Tavern

Dmitri in a drunken state with his comrades, shares Olga’s love letters to him and makes fun of the Grand Duchess. To his surprise, Valentina, Olga’s trusted friend is there to witness it all and report it all back to Olga.

Olga Learns of Prince Dmitri’s Assistance in the Plot to Kill Rasputin.

He is willing to take the chance with his fellow family members to save Alexandra for an evil man and save the entire monarchy of further embarrassment. The plot makes Dmitri a persona non grata in the eyes of Alexandra. She, in a tirade, forbids him from ever seeing Olga again. They cannot marry. Dmitri is banished from the kingdom.

Olga upon hearing this, flies into a tirade of her own against her mother. A second heartbreak. She, this time, wants to leave Russia, go with Dmitri. Alexandra forbids her.

They, from there on, have a hard time speaking to each other, loving each other as a family.

Meredith is Reunited with her Old Flame

When she meets Kyron again for the first time in many years, the old feelings for him return. She realizes her love for him has never stopped. She is set up for a second encounter with him. They get together and talk about their love for each other, what happened, the years after. She wants to get back together with him.

Olga’s Gift From Her Father

Olga for her birthday is told of the prophecy given for her at her birth. She is given the necklace by her father. An exquisite piece of jewelry. She is told she is a beloved daughter. She swears she will never take it off.

This is a set up for the final scene where Olga and her family are murdered and a soldier rips the necklace from her neck and absconds with it.

Alexei Falls Ill, Near Death

Alexandra prays for her son constantly. She is worried. Her daughters can see this. Olga tells everyone she wants to be czar for Alexei. She is told she can never be czar. The Law. Women aren’t allowed. Olga gets angry.

And then Rasputin, with lust in his eyes for Alexandra tells her the way to save her son is to give him what he wants—that is sex with him. He is a total rotten sleazebag here. I think this says it all.

Meredith Tells her Daughter of the Divorce

Alex makes a confession after she tells her mother she’s known about her father and his affairs. She tells Meredith she’s also known about Kyron for awhile. And she’s totally okay with it. She read her diary a long time ago. At first, she was upset. But she totally understands now. And is fine with it. She wants her mother to be happy. Go for it.

[Joyce Davidson]

Joyce’s Module 7 #4, Elevating emotional scenes.

WIL: There are 154 emotions mentioned in the Holy Bible and Jesus is recorded to have reacted with 39 of them. Emotions stir our feelings and will cause strong reactions.

I want to create memorable movie scripts that actors want to perform.

When the right thing is the wrong thing if these two are going to get together. Delaney has been betraying Kevin. It is becoming more difficult. He has gone against his principles to search for Cardenio and Professor’s book manuscript. Kevin is ready to quit now that they have a script.

DELANEY

I’m going back, Kevin. I have to try.

Kevin doesn’t look at her.

KEVIN

Suit yourself.

The man she gave the clues to is the enemy and kidnaps her.

Act four

They come home failures, but the professor has recovered somewhat and Lauren is his caretaker.

Failure becomes success when Kevin and Delaney go on a new quest.

[Joyce Davidson]

Joyce’s Module 7 #4 (previous assignment was numbered wrong) Elevating scenes.

WIL: this is another lesson which should be repeated often. I will post a few changes.

To create memorable movie scripts that actors want to perform.

Characters have already been changed with betrayals, uncomfortable situations, revealed purposes that clash, and hidden romantic feelings for the two main characters.

The real instigator of trouble is revealed in Act four, a surprise.

The goals of the protagonist don’t change much, but her fellow graduate student experiences a welcome a turnaround at the conclusion.

The professor has ability to recover what he lost but sadly won’t teach again.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Elevated Interest

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that interest elements can be added even after rough drafts have been written.

=====================================

CHANGES TO AN IMPORTANT SCENE – intro to Ellie’s Great-uncle Layo (Antag 1) and her obligation to him.

In the previous SCENE 3 Jim gives Ellie a flower and she blushes. Out of her view, he calls Mack to say he’s reeling Ellie in (on a wager with Mack that he’ll get her into bed), then:

SCENE 4. EXT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

Ellie is wearing that flower in her hair as she goes to cantankerous Great-uncle Layo’s ranch of weird alt energy inventions. Ellie tries to convince him to allow the club visit. He resists.

She speaks of a member who is into alt energy engineering (Jim), and Layo notes the flower in her hair and suspects she’s in love and planning to move away. She throws down the flower and adamantly reminds him she’s coming to live with him after college and help out.

I’m also introducing more about Ursula, who was the club’s president, but nearly destroyed it (back story). Note: I added Ursula into the first scene to ramp up the conflict and reveal Ellie’s anger problem, and am now added a bit about her in a few more scenes.

=========================

Looking into other scenes in which to add interest elements.

[Dana Abbott]

WIM2 – Dana’s Elevated Interest

My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.

What I learned from doing this assignment?

Every scene must be elevated to the most extreme level in dialogue, location, and character to attract/involve the reader. Never stop working to elevate the script.

Key Scenes:

Scene 1: Added the Ruth’s sister to a restaurant scene to explain the motivation for Ruth’s affair.

Scene 2: I improved the drug lord’s dialogue before he kills the traitor and created suspicion on Kelita.

Scene 3: Restructured the communication between the Custodian and Ruth’s husband, removing the certainty of their duplicity and creating greater suspicion. This is done to create a better reveal when we learn the sister, Dinah, is involved in Ruth’s kidnapping.

Scene 4: Added the sister, Dinah, arriving at Ruth’s home, concerned for her kidnapped sister. We learn she’s having an affair with her Ruth’s husband and hired the kidnapper to kill her sister to take over her life.

Scene 5: Kelita is the police informant her boss, Bosa, wants to find, creating internal dilemma for Kelita to help Ruth.

Scene 6: The Custodian calls Dinah and allows Ruth to listen to the call, revealing the sister’s duplicity to compel Dinah to fulfill her part of the deal without renegotiation.

Scene 7: Ruth attempt to bribe her way out of her dilemma by offering the Custodian more money and promising not to pursue him. The dead are simply collateral damage.

Scene
8: Extended the protagonist’s escape scene to include a chase across the
exposed beams of the steel mill roof.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Elevated Interest

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught some good techniques for making scenes more interesting. It’s a good skill to use, and I’ve tried to make it a habit, as I write.

I do not have my scenes numbered at this time, but here are a few examples of scenes I used this on:

Scene x: Added suspense to
the major twist at the end of act 3.

[Lisa Paris Long]

WIm2 Module 7 Lesson 4 – Increase Interest Level of Key Scenes

Lisa Long’s Elevated Interest!

My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.

What I learned from this assignment is to never stop working on structure, story, and characters.

Key Scenes:

Scene 7 – added a bully to identify that Molly doesn’t fit in anywhere outside of dance.

Scene 9 – had Molly running in a creative way that causes the kids to laugh at her. Showing she is misunderstood.

Scene 12 – added a scene where Mars is in Molly’s territory. Molly begs again and sets up the change of heart Mars has later.

Scene 26 – changed the location from NYC to Mars’ in-house studio for the audition.

[David Holloway]

Dave’s elevated interest

My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal values.

What I learned from this assignment is that using the interest techniques yields a number of ways to increase a scene’s interest.

Introduced one of the main characters, Livia, with a major twist – she’s in danger of being imprisoned in a foreign state.

Introduced another major character, Roger, in scene with internal dilemma for his friend, the protagonist Nigel, who recounts running from a fight when he was 14.

In Nigel’s second SKYPE call with Livia, there’s another major twist: she’s arrested by police in the military state.

As Nigel and Roger fly to Los Angeles in attempt to free Livia, the pilot announces that the states along the eastern coast of North America have closed their airspace to foreign carriers. Surprise – they will have to cross the continent overland.

As they’re taking a bus across the first state, there’s a surprise, as a brawl breaks out on the bus between a leader of workers in the state and two policemen.

Livia communicates to Nigel that she might not have much longer to live. Suspense: the state that has imprisoned her is executing journalists because they don’t want the truth of their activities being reported.

As they travel across another state on a train, they fall into conversation with three young Native Americans, who are going to a confrontation between hunters and Natives. Major Twist: oout of sympathy for the Natives, they end up participating in a gun battle between the Natives and the hunters.

They contract with a young woman to fly across the Native state, but their plane fails mechanically. Major twist: they are captured in the next state and put in its jail.

They escape the prison the next day and get into a helicopter that the young woman, figures out how to fly. Major twist: they now appear to have the ability to fly across the country to the military state.

They’re forced to land in Las Vegas. It’s in a state with no laws, and a group of young men approach them with guns. Suspense: they narrowly escape the group by taking the helicopter up into the air.

As they contemplate how to try to free Livia, Nigel and Roger get into an argument about what method to use. Uncomfortable moment: Roger makes a comment that could be construed as belittling to Nigel.

As Nigel contemplates rescuing his wife, he wonders if he’ll have the courage to risk his life. Internal dilemma: he is still haunted by the fight he ran from when he was 14 and questions his own courage.

As they arrive in the military state, they are unsure if Livia will be executed on any day. Suspense: Nigel is never sure when Livia will be executed and if he’ll be able to free her.

Livia gets a message to Nigel that there’s a man in the military state that flies people to freedom. Surprise: suddenly, there seems to be a chance they can escape.

We’re unsure if they’ll escape. Uncertainty: As they drive toward the home of the man who flies people out, the police are chasing them and getting closer. Even as the plane starts down the runway, the cops arrive and shoot at it.

Nigel fights the prison warden. Surprise: he defeats the man by forcing him over a railing to his death. Since he’d questioned his own courage, his ability to goad the warden into a fight and win it is a surprise.

They escape by flying to freedom. Major twist: after seeming unlikely to succeed for so long, their sudden freedom and success in freeing Livia is a stunning twist.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  David Holloway.

[Joe Donato]

Joe’s elevated interest

My vision is to persevere and stay the course of building steady daily routine, and disciplines that produce consistent writing of exceptional quality. Ultimately, the fruit of those habits and disciplines will be a track record of great marketable scripts that will make other successful talented pros seek me out.

I learned that I already did a lot of this in my scenes. It was very affirming to go back and be able to list the multiple interest levels of many of my key scenes. I’m realizing both that I have a lot already built in, AND that there is always room for more. I am discovering how to have a balance so that the waters don’t get too muddy or that I end up putting too many toppings on a pizza with my new found powers. I want the story to stay focused at this point, as opposed to overdoing it just to impress. I’ve seen that in movies when its clear there’s just “too much”.

I’m glad I’m able to add, subtract, or change the interests. I gained a lot of confidence from this exercise and it makes me feel like I’m becoming a mature professional.

OPENING SCENE Already has:

-interesting setting

– External Dilemma

– Character changes radically.

– Betrayal

– Internal Dilemma

– Uncomfortable Moment

– Major twist

– Surprise

– Uncertainty

But I tweaked a couple lines of dialogue to highlight/amplify/clarify Emily’s wound.

EMILY MEETS LANDLORD AND SIGNS LEASE

Already has:

– interesting setting

– Superior Position

– intrigue

– character changes radically

Don’t want to add more lest I muddy the focus.

ELEVATOR BREAKDOWN MEET-CUTE

Already has:

-Superior Position

-Misinterpretation

-Internal dilemma

-External Dilemma

-Uncomfortable Moment

-Intrigue

-Suspense

-Uncertainty

Good n Plenty

EMILY CONFRONTS LORENZO

– Misinterpretation

– Internal Dilemma

– Uncomfortable Moment

– Uncertainty

Candidate for more: potential scenes:

B. Superior Position?

C. Misinterpretation?

D. External Dilemma?

EMILY EATS STRATCHIATTELLI:

Character changes radically: Emily starts to fall for Lorenzo.

Betrayal: Lorenzo betraying himself by helping Emily.

Internal Dilemma: Emily totally drawn to the “enemy”

Uncomfortable Moment: Emily is “weak/vulnerable” to Lorenzo…

Suprise… but he responds by meeting her needs!

Reveal: Lorenzo is a great cook with amazing chef potential.

Uncertainty: Is Lorenzo right? is the Landlord really the bad guy?

LORENZO INSPECTS EMILY’S STUDIO:

– More interesting setting, theyre both in her bathroom

– Superior Position WORK ON THIS

– Misinterpretation, sexual tension/innuendos

– External Dilemma, Lorenzo made a mess of dirt from air vent and is covered in it.

– Character changes radically.

– Internal Dilemma

– Uncomfortable Moment

– I increased the tension by having Emily interrupt him right before an evening rush, making him choose to cater to her needs/wants over his business.

– I was going to increase the sexual tension, but I think it’s already obvious enough. When it comes time for peer review I’ll ask about the subtext in that scene.

EMILY AND LORENZO MEET IN ITALY:

Already has enough tension setup from the previous scene, but if I wanted to, I could add Lorenzo starting to hook up with one of the Italian local girls, and starting to forget about Emily, until she just appears. I’ll think about that.

-Yeah I could do this forever, with every scene, and make my script 20 pages longer!

[JOEL STERN]

WIM Joel Stern Elevated Interest Module 7 Lesson 4

My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a line in at least one (with over thirty years of broadcasting experience and having a major acting role in two stage plays is it so crazy? Maybe, but what the hell…)

What I learned from this assignment: That it takes quite a while to go through each important scene in an effort to intensify them. But is is surely worthwhile. I found many scenes to improve.

Making my protagonists flashbacks clearer, more understandable. Seeing it in my mind makes all the sense in the world. But I’m learning that it must be just as clear to the viewer.

Example: Jim is being shot at by German’s while he gives first aid to two fallen GI’s. Jim flashes back to simpler times back home where he strikes out in a ball game. If only he could be back home…

I adjusted it to show this flashback motivates him to kill two suspected saboteurs posing as French nuns inside the church (even though we learn later they were just innocent nuns).

In another scene, Jim just back home from WWII and his buddies play poker at Jim’s home. I wanted to show Jim developing PTSD. A pal asks Jim how he got his nickname “Ace”. He relates a pre war story involving the cold and cruel response by his father after Jim gave up a home run in losing a title game. Reliving this story, Jim explodes and turns over the poker table. His friends are shocked at his new behavior and leave.

When wife Jane hugs him and asks what’s wrong, I enhanced Jim’s flashback:

He squeezes his eyes shut:

JIM MONTAGE FLASHBACK:

— The nuns are killed.

— An artillery shell explodes showering Jim with debris.

— Jim walks past mutilated civilians in the street.

RETURN TO SCENE:

INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

JIM

(empty smile)

I’ll get over it sweetheart. I just need some time that’s all.

JANE

(warm smile)

I know you will. Your son wants to say goodnight.

I enhanced 15-20 scenes following this lesson.

[Erin Ziccarelli]

Erin Ziccarelli’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I am creating profound scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: the importance of having more than three or four interest techniques in your scenes. Building in more interest techniques will make my film more engaging and more attractive to producers. The possibilities are surprisingly endless, even with only 10 interest techniques. I enjoy this exercise because it is a chance to build on the Module 4 assignment and keep elevating!

2. With the above set of interest techniques, go to the most important scenes in your script and brainstorm ways to build in more interest techniques.

Structure – opening, inciting
incident, turning point 1, etc..
Lead character introductions.
Reveals – both plot and character
reveals.
Key setups.
Important payoffs.
Most dramatic moments.

3. Select the best ideas and rewrite those key scenes to double or triple their level of engagement!

5. Post a list of the changes you made to the forums.

Scene 1: Opening

External Dilemma:
Alex can either chose the family business or reject – either other people
will get hurt or he will get hurt
Internal Dilemma:
Alex can either chose his family or his true love – both choices will hurt
someone
Character changes
radically: we thought Alex was completely loyal to his family – turns out,
he is in a secret relationship with Kitty
Uncomfortable
moment: Saoirse and Shane are both suspicious of him
Major twist: Alex
looked like he was on board with Shane, and in reality he’s in love with someone
from the “wrong side” of Boston!
Surprise: Alex looks
like he may not win the poker game. Then, he does.
Mislead/reveal: take
the viewer in the wrong direction (thinking that Alex is as ruthless as
the rest, and then reveal that he’s seeing Kitty)
Cliffhanger: Alex
leaves with the bottle of champagne. Who’s it for?
Intrigue: Alex hiding
something from Shane and Saoirse
Suspense: Poker
game suspense
Uncertainty: is
this group going to make it? Will they turn on each other?

Scene 2: Nathanial and Richard’s argument

More interesting
setting: setting moved from Nathanial’s office to a party scene, putting
their goals of secrecy in jeopardy
Superior
position: We know the South End is planning the North End’s downfall the
next night. Now we know that the North End has the upper hand.
Character changes
radically: Nathanial goes from congratulating Richard to pulling a gun on
him.
Betrayal: Richard
betrays Nathanial’s authority
Internal dilemma:
Kitty struggling with her loyalty to Nathanial v. loyalty to Ted
Uncomfortable
moment: Nathanial shows Richard who’s boss….and he doesn’t like it
Major twist: the people
we think are going to be defeated are actually ahead of the game
Intrigue: Kitty
was listening in on their argument
Mystery: How are
Nathanial and Richard going to take the Donovans out of the picture?
Suspense:
something is going to happen between Richard and Nathanial
Uncertainty: we’re
afraid for Alex and his family

Scene 3: Alex and Kitty’s first scene
together

Superior
position: We know more about the sale that’s happening tomorrow night
than Kitty and Alex do
Internal dilemma:
they’re struggling with their feelings for each other and struggling with
how to reveal it to Richard and Nathanial
Misinterpretation:
Kitty pushes Alex – he doesn’t feel it’s her place. Kitty reveals that
Richard may become her father in law.
External dilemma:
the family politics have taken over their lives
Character changes
radically: Kitty is alright with their carefree relationship, but she
wants Alex to commit and admit the truth to Shane. Alex goes from not
wanting to say anything but then wanting to reveal the truth.
Suspense: something
is going to come from this night.
Uncertainty: we’re
hopeful for their relationship and then afraid for it – they don’t have
much hope for their relationship lasting.

Scene 4: Richard’s basement w/
Nathanial and Kitty

More interesting
setting: from outside the Caden estate to Kitty burning the last of the
counterfeit dollars in Richard’s basement (the same place where Scarlett
will confront Richard in 25 years)
Superior
position: Nathanial knows more about Richard’s plot than Kitty. She’s furious
when she finds out.
Misinterpretation:
Kitty runs out – Nathanial thinks it’s because she’s annoyed at him, but
it’s actually to try to warn Alex
External dilemma:
Kitty will lose with both Ted and Alex – marrying Ted would give her the standing
within the family, while staying with Alex would make her happy
Character changes
radically: Kitty goes from remaining silent on her relationship with Alex
to running out to try to warn him.
Betrayal:
Nathanial betrays the system
Uncomfortable
moment: Kitty is in a very awkward place with Nathanial
Mislead/reveal:
Kitty thinks Richard’s feud with Nathanial is pretty harmless until she
learns the truth and is horrified
Surprise:
Nathanial is behind Richard. Kitty is horrified.
Intrigue: the
sirens in the background – they’re coming for Alex.
Suspense: we know
that Alex is going to be caught tonight – when/how is it going to happen.

Uncertainty: we’re
afraid for Kitty and Alex’s future – they don’t look like they’re going
to have one together

Scene 5: 22 years later, Will and
Demi meet over Nathanial Caden’s will

Interesting setting:
there’s a crowd outside the house, trying to see inside. Nathanial’s
death is a big deal for the locals.
Character changes
radically: Will goes from confused to hopeful for the families’ future.
Uncomfortable
moment: Demi and Will see Nathanial’s body.
Major twist: Will
is shocked that the inheritance isn’t going to a member of the Caden
family.
Cliffhanger: Who
inherited the estate?
Intrigue: Nathanial
has no surviving children – what has happened to Kitty? What became of
Alex in the last 25 years?
Mislead/reveal:
Nathanial didn’t leave money to a family member. Then it’s revealed that
he left money to someone he never knew.

Scene 6: Roger and Alex’s first
conversation

More interesting
setting: instead of simply staying in the interrogation room, Alex and
Roger move through the hallways, into the courtyard, and into another
building
Superior
position: we know that Alex is the trustee before Alex does.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from indifferent to Roger to angry at him.
Internal dilemma:
It’s difficult for Roger to help Alex. We just think it’s Alex’s past as
a counterfeiter making Roger uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex is going into withdrawal and vomiting in front of Roger.
Intrigue: Who is
Roger, and why is he there? What is he hiding? Why did Nathanial leave
the money to Alex?
Suspense: Will
Alex accept it? Or will his pride as a Donovan prevent him from taking it?

Uncertainty: Alex’s
future – he’s changed so much in the last 20 years, and we’re afraid he
may not recover.

Scene 7: Alex visits Ted as he’s
dying

Misinterpretation:
Alex thinks Ted wants to see him to rub it in about Kitty. Ted really
wants to see him to tell him about Scarlett.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from shock over Scarlett to denial.
Betrayal: Alex
learns that Ted was involved in Kitty’s death
Major twist: Scarlett
is Alex’s daughter
Cliffhanger: Alex
states that he has no friends in the North – what does this mean for his
future with Scarlett?
Intrigue: Ted
keeps talking around the reason he wanted to see Alex.
Mystery: What has
Scarlett been doing all these years?
Suspense: We know
Ted called Alex in for a reason – we’re just not sure why
Uncertainty: We’re
concerned about how Alex might react – and afraid of what this means for
his future and for Scarlett

Scene 8: Group therapy session with
Jack and Shaun

More interesting
location: therapy held in the garden rather than a conference room.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex admits he is not a “white collar criminal” – Jack and Shaun
look down on him for this
Intrigue: the
Jack and Shaun debate/back and forth about fate and destiny
Surprise: we
think Alex is going to feel improved after this group session, but he
only ends up feeling worse about Scarlett
Misinterpretation:
Jack and Shaun misinterpret Alex’s past. He doesn’t try to defend himself.

External dilemma:
Alex’s views on his life – if he turns from it, he’s losing his support
structure, if he embraces it, they’ll determine his fate.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from somewhat eager to be in the session to
downright depressed.
Betrayal: Alex
feeling betrayed by his old life.
Major twist: Alex
reveals some of what he did.

Scene 9: Alex’s acceptance of the
journey

Superior
position: we know about Scarlett, Dr. Reynolds and Anderson do not
Misinterpretation:
Alex views rehab as a prison, not a stepping stone to something better
External dilemma:
Alex can either get better/go out in the real world or stay sick and remain
in the “prison”
Betrayal: Alex
will always want to get high – rehab hasn’t lived up to his expectations.

Internal dilemma:
Alex struggling with “seeing” Scarlett and remembering his own family
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex trying to leave but he is hooked up to everything.
Surprise: Jack
and Shaun are going to be Alex’s “support”

Scene 10: Volleyball game

More interesting
setting: volleyball court, with Jack, Alex, and Shaun on the same team –
symbolizing the “team spirit” that Alex will try to cultivate in the next
act
Superior
position: we know what Alex did, but Jack and Shaun have no idea. They’re
forced to trust him.
Misinterpretation:
Jack and Shaun remain suspicious of Alex and his past. They’re still a
little leery of him.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from thinking negatively to thinking somewhat
positively of Jack and Shaun.
Internal dilemma:
Alex needs to get along with them to get out. He also doesn’t like them
very much, but he’s willing to go along with it.
Uncomfortable moment:
they’re not good at volleyball and the other team is winning.
Cliffhanger: Jack
is still suspicious of Alex. He’s not going to let it go.
Uncertainty: will
these three be able to form a team – and make it?

Scene 11: Alex leaving the admin
office

Superior
position: we know something about Alex that Joe doesn’t
Misinterpretation:
the warden judges Alex and views him as a failure because he took almost
a year to get through rehab.
Betrayal: the
warden and Randall betray Alex’s confidence.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from confident to threatened.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex has to see Randall Byrne before he leaves – one of Ted
Brennan’s best friends.
External dilemma:
Alex’s life is in danger both in Riverside and in Boston.
Intrigue: Randall’s
son is out there. Will we meet him soon?
Mystery: The
warden wonders about Alex’s inheritance.
Uncertainty: just
when we think Alex has a clean break from prison, Randall shows up to
threaten him. We’re afraid for Alex.

Scene 12: Alex learns of the
conservatorship condition

Superior
position: Alex and Demi know something Roger doesn’t. It’s driving him
crazy.
Misinterpretation:
Alex misinterprets Roger’s actions as trying to trick him.
External dilemma:
Alex has to either take a loan or talk to Scarlett.
Character changes
radically: Alex goes from feeling somewhat hopeful and positive about the
inheritance to negative.
Betrayal: Roger
betrays Alex by leaving the part about the clause out, Nathanial betrays
Alex by requiring 20% of the money go to Scarlett.
Internal dilemma:
Alex is either going to have to talk to Scarlett or forge her signature
to get the money.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex shuts down Roger’s “spying” on him
Major twist:
Scarlett is the conservatee
Surprise: Alex is
shocked to learn that 20% of the money must go to Scarlett.
Mislead/reveal: Nathanial
left money to someone….in the last moment of the scene, it’s revealed to
be Scarlett.
Intrigue: Something
about the conservatorship clause is triggering Alex.
Suspense: We don’t
find out the truth until the end.
Uncertainty: Will
Alex get his money? We know he doesn’t want to talk to Scarlett

Scene 13/14: Alex searching for
Scarlett at the DMV

Interesting
setting: Alex doesn’t find Scarlett in the DMV – he finds her in the back
alley. She goes back in before he can walk up to her.
Superior position:
We know what Scarlett doesn’t.
Misinterpretation:
Alex has a misconstrued perception of family, and he just wants his
inheritance money.
External dilemma:
Alex can either walk up to her and have to explain himself, or he can
just hang back – which doesn’t put him any closer to getting his money.
Character changes
radically: Alex is ready to get her signature. When he sees her for the
first time, he just can’t bring himself to talk to her.
Internal dilemma:
What is the right thing for Alex to do – admit the truth and cause them
both pain, or keep hiding the truth…and keep causing them both pain.
Uncomfortable moment:
Scarlett vomiting (her eating disorder exposed) and Alex wanting to talk
to her but not able to.
Mislead/reveal:
Ted could have been wrong – Scarlett may not work there. Then, we see her
in the alley.
Suspense: Will
Alex talk to her?
Uncertainty: It
looks like he’s going to talk to her – then he can’t find her. He sees
her, gets out of the car, and then can’t bring himself to speak to her.

Scene 15: Roger and Alex have their
first one-on-one in over a year

Superior
position: Roger knows something that Alex doesn’t know Roger knows.
Character changes
radically: Roger goes from very closed off to revealing something about
his past in this scene.
Betrayal: Roger
betrays Alex’s trust and sees Scarlett’s name in the paperwork.
Internal dilemma:
Roger struggling with whether or not to reveal his past to Alex.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex can tell Roger used to be in prison. Roger didn’t think Alex
knew.
Major twist:
Roger spent time in Riverside.
Surprise: Alex “wins”
in that scene – it started out with Roger holding the cards and ended with
Alex getting him to reveal something.
Intrigue: intrigue
surrounding Roger’s past – why did he go to jail?
Mystery: What did
Roger do in Boston 30 years ago?
Suspense: We know
that Roger is going to have to come clean to Alex, and Alex is going to
have to admit the truth to Roger…both of them are holding something back.

Uncertainty: the “power
dynamic” of the scene shifts back and forth between Roger and Alex. We’re
not sure who’s going to “win.”

Scene 16: Scarlett and Joe are a
couple and involved in the family counterfeit business

More interesting
setting: Scarlett and Joe in his car – it’s a small, enclosed
environment, and filled with cigarette smoke. Stifling/suffocating to
Scarlett.
Misinterpretation:
these two characters have very messed up lives and definitions of love. Their
relationship is purely transactional.
External dilemma:
Scarlett needs to stay with Joe for the next counterfeit sale, but she’s not
happy with him. She could break up with him, but then she’d lose her
influence with Richard.
Character changes
radically: Scarlett and Joe go from drunken/high jokers to scheming and conniving
in an instant.
Surprise: Scarlett
is dating Randall Byrne’s son.
Mislead/reveal:
Scarlett’s need for Richard, but also her mistrust of him.
Cliffhanger: is
Scarlett going to let Joe keep treating her like this?
Intrigue:
Scarlett and Joe’s scheming and involvement in the business is left
partly unexplored. There’s more to their story.
Mystery: Which
one of them does Richard trust more?
Suspense: Something
bad could very well happen the night of the sale.
Uncertainty: Their
toxic relationship instills fear in the audience.

Scene 17: Alex talks to Scarlett for
the first time

Superior
position: Scarlett has no idea that she’s talking to her father. Alex is
just another DMV customer to her.
Betrayal: Alex is
doing this for her signature.
Uncomfortable
moment: Alex has no idea what to say to Scarlett.
Mislead/reveal:
Scarlett gets super quiet and leans in – only to tell him that he’s
holding up the line.
Cliffhanger: Scarlett
signs on the paper. What is Alex going to do next?
Intrigue: Alex is
being incredibly underhanded/scheming against Scarlett.
Suspense: Does
Scarlett know him? Will she find out who he is, based on his last name?
Will Alex just come out and say it?
Uncertainty: Alex
is hopeful and then afraid that she might know who she is. We’re hoping
she finds out, but we also don’t want her to know.

Scene 18: Roger and Demi meet up
with Judge Wilson

Superior
position: We know the truth behind Scarlett, Alex, and Kitty’s stories
that Roger is desperately trying to find out.
Misinterpretation:
Demi thinks Roger is overstepping. She doesn’t realize that his actions stem
from a desire to make peace with his past.
Uncomfortable
moment: Roger sees the judge that sentenced him 30 years ago. It’s
awkward.
Major twist:
Roger learns more about Kitty’s death. He’s shocked.
Surprise: Judge
Wilson and Roger have a history.
Mislead/reveal:
We think we’re going to find out the truth behind Kitty’s death. The case
went cold, and Judge Wilson genuinely doesn’t know.
Cliffhanger: Who
killed Kitty Caden?
Intrigue: Roger
is still keeping secrets.
Mystery: We know
Kitty has died, we know it was by a “stray bullet,” but we don’t know who
did it.
Suspense: Judge
Wilson is withholding information, making Roger more interested.

[Andrew Boyd]

Andrew Boyd’s Module 7, Lesson 4, Increase interest level of key scenes

Vision: For Hitler’s Choirboys to be such a compelling and powerful screenplay that Spielberg and Gibson will battle it out to produce their strongest WW2 drama since Hacksaw Ridge or Schindler’s List.

What I learned from doing this assignment: Much of this is a prison-based drama, with the action set in three almost identical cells. In Act 1 there are multiple changes of location. But the locations settle later, especially in Acts 2 & 3. To add interest I have inserted external locations between some scenes or during scenes to illustrate the dialogue.

Act 1, S1, P1 – The opener has changed to get us to Nuremberg, the scene of the action, more quickly. It also introduces the context of the chaos of war and the war-weariness of the players. The opener now is like a prelude, reprising the war and the role the Nazis played, and drawing us into the characters.

In Act 1, P3 I have added a surprise with Henry not only liking swing, but playing the trombone – hot, along with Sam. It’s a bonding moment between them.

Act 1, P8. We head outside the hospital into ravaged Munich, where a concentration camp billboard and its answering graffiti highlights the Germans coming to terms with what their country has done.

In Act 2 p38 I have added a brief exterior GV to add interest and break up the preponderance of interior scenes.

Act 2 P39 takes us briefly to Mauthausen concentration camp to set up Sixtus’ wound and to add intrigue. How much did the chaplain know about the reprisals that took place? And what did he do to stop them?

Act 2 P44. I have added a description of chowtime to show the regimen and to break up the back-to-back cell scenes. This gives more life to the Rosenberg scene that follows. And it creates a greater contrast with Goering.

Act 2 P60. I’ve added another brief outside scene to break up the indoor shots. This also sets up Christmas and the growing tension with the Russians.

Act 3 I have added several location changes to break up the key dialogue scenes in the cells. Some are illustrative scenes to show, rather than tell. I have interspersed interior scenes with exterior scenes in a range of locations to add variety.

Act 3, P70. I have added a reference (previously deleted) to Winston Churchill’s Iron Curtain speech, to further set up the tension with the Russians that Goering wants to exploit.

Act 4 adds a cliffhanger about whether it was Sam who slipped Goering his suicide pill. It also ties up the loose end about the botched hangings.

Many thanks.