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Lesson 4: Increase Interest Level of Key Scenes!
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WIM Module 7, Lesson 4
Lenore Bechtel Elevated Interest!
My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that previous assignments accomplished the same thing. I didn’t make any changes and here’s why.
Going through the scenes:
Opening scene when my three main characters get tickets: already has Libby changing radically, intrigue with a 12-year-old Allison traveling alone. I might increase the suspense by having the Ticket Agent making mistake after mistake while Female Ticket Agent finds the Paris flight they need.
First scene on plane has surprise when Allison fakes an anxiety attack at the prospect of being without her violin, has mislead with Freida’s excuse for leaving San Francisco, reveal that Allison is a child prodigy, intrigue with Libby hiding her reaction to Freida’s name, and suspense at wanting to hear Libby’s story of falling in love with a Russian soldier.
First flashback has uncomfortable moment that reveals Young Libby’s negative attitude about the Major and reveals the uncertainty involving the Easterners wanting to come to the West. Reveals Sonja’s communist indoctrination.
Second flashback has more interesting setting—the department store dressing room, has reveal that Young Libby wants to be a doctor, has surprise that Heinz is not at his post as expected, has uncomfortable moment as they deal with that fact, has suspense about whether they’ll make it through the crossing with smuggled clothes on their bodies.
Scene at Gohkle’s home has major twist when a Private interrupts with orders to take Libby and Stephanie back to the Major’s apartment and has surprise when Libby fights against it.
Back on the plane the scene has uncomfortable moment between Allison and Freida, has mystery about Freida’s protection of her pendant, and uncertainty about Freida in particular.
Scene when the Major meets Zhores before letting Young Libby go with him has uncertainty and uncomfortable moment as the Major questions Zhores, has surprise that Young Libby and Zhores mock the Major, reveal that Zhores’ father was a child prodigy, surprise that sputnik passes over, reveal of Zhores’ idealism.
Back on the plane the scene has many reveals needed to understand how the three are related. Reveals that Allison’s mother had her at a young age and she doesn’t know her father. Reveals that Stuart is both the Major’s name and Freida’s husbands name. Reveals that Allison’s grandparents were in Berlin when sputnik passed over and that they moved to America the year Allison was born.
Flashback Gasthaus scene—a more interesting setting—reveals Heinz’s Russian blood, his desire to find his mother, and his tendency to drink too much. Reveals Zhores’ grandmother wrote secret memoirs about Stalin’s purges. Sets up the seriousness of their friendships.
I feel I’m wasting my time trying to rationalize not trying to change scenes. But in Lesson 3, Elevated Emotions, I made additions or changes in at least 30 scenes, and now I’m not coming up with any new ideas. I like the scenes as they are, except for wordsmith still to come. However, I’m continuing through the rest of the script and thinking about Elevated Interest, just not taking notes.
Read the whole thing, cried at the end, and decided to leave it as is.
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Module 7 Lesson 4 Increased interest in key scenes!
Marguerite Langstaff:THE BILLIONAIRE IN 501
I want to write and market screenwriting scripts.
State: I absolutely love the outcome of my script.
Activity: Making scenes more interesting!
What I learned: I learned that just when I though my main scenes to be great that there are ways to try out to change them.
Scene 3: One of my most important scenes where Mimi comes into Shady Acres and follows a woman with groceries who is on her walker and picks up her spills. Pappy sits in the room watching from behind a newspaper and finally helps.
The scene could be more interesting if, when Pappy picks up the falling oranges too, he begins to spill them and Mimi is frantically trying to pick up the ones that both he and the woman she’s following are falling.
Or Papa could trip and fall and Mimi is horrified and rushes to his rescue. He is clearly not hurt but he looks at Mimi and is instantly smitten. She can tell him that he is absolutely the first one. He has no idea what she’s talking about, but we learn later that she’s determined to make friends and he’s her first.
Or when he falls the concierge calls 911 and Pappy is furious at the concierge and refuses all treatment when the firemen come to take him to the hospital. He refuses to go. In the confusion Mimi can use her new cell and accidentally call her son Zack who come rushing in thinking she is in dire circumstances.
Another scene which isn’t quite as important as the first where Mimi is introduced to us can be the dinner scene where she eats with Pappy and a couple of other residents. In the conversation we can learn why it’s so important for her to stay at S Acres…making friends…because the ranch was so isolating and sAcres was the only place close to Zack and Tim.
She was isolated on the ranch and after a career in counseling she loved people and yearned to be near people. As a contrast one of her new friends at dinner never married, and confesses she never had a sweetheart or relationship and all her relatives are dead. She needs Mimi. In a later scene we can show that friend sweet-talking one of the male residents of S Acres and we know she’s about to have her first sweetheart.
The market scene where everything is so disasterous need work. We can see shoppers arriving, staying about three to five minutes and leaving disinterested. The residents with their wares of knitted scarves and mittens bend over backwards to reach out to the shoppers, but the interest is simply missing. Finally an enormous rain story shuts them down…all except Mimi who moves inside S Acres with her advice booth. Mimi breaks into sobs at the end of the scene and Tim and Pappy try to console her. It’s no use. She knows she’ll have to move in with Zack which she has tried so hard to avoid.
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Lloyd’s Elevated interest
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is no matter how good you think the script is or isn’t yo can improve it.
I added more obstacles, more environmental hardships, changed scenes to challenge the characters more and used a montage in the final battle scene to shorten the overall script. Tightened the script overall.
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Margaret Elevated Interest.
Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based films.
What I learned: My script was filled with interest techniques – almost 4 for every scene. 🙂
My changes:
Hill of Slane – drew out suspense
Lizzie/Patrick – prolonged the meeting/reveal
Patrick/King Loeghaire – added hope/fear in the decision.
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H. Vince Elevated Interest
WIM Module 7 – 2023
Lesson 4: Increase Interest Level of Key Scenes!
My Vision: I will be a professional screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I could add one small part to the opening scene that would possibly make an actor want to be a part of this movie.
TITLE: DREAM VACATION
WRITTEN BY: H. Vince
GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER
HIGH CONCEPT: When a retired couple finally take their dream vacation, the husband starts showing signs of rapid dementia and leaves his wife in distress in a foreign country.
MAJOR STORY HOOK: Imagine thinking you can trust your doctor to prescribe you something to block your anxiety and instead you become a guinea pig for a clinical trial drug that causes extreme memory loss while you’re in a foreign country on your dream vacation!?
The feedback I received in the Module 6 peer review was to add more to the intros of the characters to attract actors. I would actually be okay with attracting new actors not necessarily A list actors but I understand the purpose of this course is to elevate when at all possible. I am thinking of dramatic scene openers like the movie “Flight” since mine starts in an airport.
Should I cause a problem that has to later be solved?
Make the scene unusual?
Create an initial trick?
Reveal a protagonist’s most intriguing trait?
Create a shocking opening?
Create a contrast opening?
I already have other twists and turns in the movie that have been added since the initial outline. The only addition I can think of at the moment is to add that the wife trips and is about to fall and the husband catches her while they’re trying to run. The scene slows down to show the caring for each other.
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BRIAN BULL – Elevated Interest
VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I’ve been over my script a dozen times and I can always find something to change and make it more intriguing.The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
A fisherman is determined to catch the fish he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.ASSIGNMENT
5. Post a list of the changes you made to the forums.
Scene 7 – Character changes radically – Dad takes the knife back; heartless.
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