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Lesson 5
Reply to post your assignment.
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11 Replies
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Farrin Rosenthal loves Covering Subtext!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how there are two methods of using subtext in dialogue. Use cover-ups when the audience knows what is happening under the surface and use pointers when they don’t.
Subtext pointers do just that, they point to the deeper meaning and what is going on under the surface. These six figures-of-speech work well as subtext pointers:
Metaphor, Implication, Insinuation, Hint, Sarcasm, Allusion.
In one of my scenes, one character just kicked the game-winning field goal and his father tells him, “See how hard work pays off,” but the character’s sister butts in with a line about how luck plays a part as well, that the wind could have been against the kicker.
Here her subtext insinuates a possible implication: If the wind was blowing against the kicker, the ball would not have gone as far and the field goal would have been missed, causing the team to lose. She does not say this directly, but uses subtext to point to it.
Another example in my script happens when the antagonist says to the protagonist, “You know what you did!” This points at the deeper meaning, that the antagonist knows what the protagonist did and knows he is lying about it.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase is great at Subtext Pointers!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: there is always room for improvement. I had already put a ton of time into working with subtext in my script. Just found several other scenes with dialogue I could elevate. The following is one of those scenes…
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
OLD VERSION —–
This starts on page 15 when Sarah calls March after a traumatic memory caused her to break a pot March sent to be repaired. We don’t know yet that he wants to trigger her memories in order to learn the location of a treasure cave.
MARCH
Hello?
SARAH (V.O.)
Mister March? James March?
INTERCUT SARAH AND MARCH ON THE PHONE
Sarah is unsure, timid.
SARAH
It’s Sarah Cole, Mister March.
MARCH
Sarah…the restoration person?
SARAH
Uh, yeah. That’s me.
MARCH
Well, Miss Cole, nice of you to call. You received my Anasazi?
Broken shards are laid out in order on her coffee table.
SARAH
Got it right here.
MARCH
Wonderful.
SARAH
But I…I have a small problem.
Sarah bites her lip.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I broke it a little…Maybe more than a little.
MARCH
What?
SARAH
I can fix it in a week and I’ll make it good as new…for free. I’m sorry…I’m sure it means a lot to you.
Sarah unconsciously rubs the scar on her temple.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I…I have a feeling this pot could be important to me, too.
MARCH
Why is that?
SARAH
I need to explain, in person if I can. I know you’re staying in New York so I thought I could buy you a burger or something, you know.
MARCH
Do you know where the Marlton is? I always stay here when I’m in town to meet with my agent. Nice place.
SARAH
Uh, yeah.
MARCH
Have you eaten yet?
SARAH
…No.
MARCH
We’ll have dinner here, talk about your plan for my pot. I’ll send a cab for you. Say about seven?
Sarah’s jaw works but no words come out.
MARCH
Are you there, Miss Cole?
SARAH
Uh, yeah…thanks.
NEW VERSION —–
We don’t know it yet, but the Antagonist, March, is driving all the action, setting Sarah up. His goal is to get her to trust her and then, control her. I’ve added several lines that “show” this so that — when the script is read through a second time or the movie is viewed a second time — all the clues will be obvious like was done in “The Sixth Sense”.
INTERCUT SARAH AND MARCH ON THE PHONE
Sarah is unsure, timid.
SARAH
It’s Sarah Cole, Mister March.
March registers surprise —
MARCH
Sarah…the restoration person?
Sarah cringes.
SARAH
Uh, yeah. That’s me.
MARCH
Well, Miss Cole, nice of you to call. You received my Anasazi?
Broken shards are laid out in order on her coffee table.
SARAH
Got it right here.
MARCH
How is it coming?
SARAH
Uh, it’s in process.
MARCH
Wonderful.
SARAH
But I…I have a small problem.
March raises his eyebrows.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I broke it a little…Maybe more than a little.
MARCH
What are you saying, Miss Cole?
SARAH
I can fix it in a week and I’ll make it good as new…for free. I’m sorry…and…
March rises, paces, mixed emotions on his face.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I’m sure it means a lot to you.
Sarah unconsciously rubs the scar on her temple.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I…I have a feeling this pot could be important to me, too.
MARCH
Oh, really.
She cringes at his sarcastic tone.
SARAH
I need to explain, in person if I can. I know you’re staying in New York so I thought I could buy you a burger or something, you know.
MARCH
I’m a vegetarian.
Sarah cringes again. March stops pacing with a sigh —
MARCH (CONT’D)
Do you know where the Marlton is? I always stay here when I’m in town to meet with my agent. Nice place.
SARAH
Uh, yeah.
MARCH
Have you eaten yet?
SARAH
No, but I —
MARCH
– We’ll have dinner here, talk about your repair plans. I’ll send a cab for you. Say about seven?
Sarah’s jaw works but no words come out.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Are you there, Miss Cole?
SARAH (CONT’D)
Yeah…Seven. But I like to walk.
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Rebecca is great at Subtext Pointers.
VISION: My success from this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I found it challenging and hard. The examples in the lesson humbled me. Once empowered, I found several places that could use deeper subtext pointers. Finding the right words provided a challenge, but using these pointers made the dialog more interesting. Thank you, Hal.
Metaphor:
Before: Thank you.
After: I feel like a battle worn soldier who learns she is finally safe and going home.2. Implication:
Before: I’m not a hero for killing men.
After: Any other time I’d be hung as a murderer.
3. Insinuation:
Before: Sometimes, I would like a week away too.
After: Sometimes, I too would like the luxury of a week away, but no, I stay and do what needs to be done.
4. Hint:
Before: The medics will be here soon.
After: Keep your head down and don’t move until the medics get here.
5. Sarcasm:
Before: Ben, “Let them go. Take me instead.” Bucholtz laughs.
After – added dialog: Bucholz, “You would like that wouldn’t you? Have one of us TAKE you.”
6. Allusion with a touch of sarcasm:
Before: When we were seated at the church, your cousin Fritzi told me to sit elsewhere because I wasn’t family.
After: When we were seated at the church, your cousin Fritzi kindly directed me to the proper pew behind her family, a gracious reminder of my place.
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CJ’s Subtext pointers!
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.
WIL: A lot can be said in how you say it. These add so much for depth then on-the-nose dialogue. A difference is what is said or what isn’t said.
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
ASSIGNMENT:
Your goal: Use Subtext Pointers in any scenes where you want the audience to experience the deeper meaning…
Go through your script and Identify any scenes in your script that…
Have dialogue about what is going on under the surface. Have a deeper meaning that could be pointed to.Or have no deeper meaning at all, in which case, you might put something under the surface.
With each of those scenes, brainstorm ways you might use a Subtext Pointer to bring that meaning to the audience’s attention and use the ones you like.
SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS
MetaphorImplicationInsinuationHintSarcasmAllusion
Make a list of your 5 favorite Subtext Pointer changes and for each one, tell us:
Metaphor:
Before lines: The boss lady summonsAfter lines: Ah the dragon lady summons
Insinuate
– Before – did we find the assets?
– After – Did we get what we want?
Hint
– Before – What the hell are these photos?
– After – you better be okay. You have some explaining to do.
Insinuation
– Before – Let’s see what dark secrets you have
– After – She’s an open doorway… I never knew.
Implication
– Have we moved the assets?
– Fully funded?
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Andrew Kelm is great at Subtext Pointers!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… This one was harder than I expected it to be. I had to go through the script twice to get five examples. I’d like to think that’s because there was so much subtext already written in, but … It was very helpful to get very specific with the exercise — I definitely found opportunities I would not have otherwise.
FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.
1. Daphne moving in
• Before lines:
TERRY
We can see each other all the time now.DAPHNE
I’m not going to be here long.• After lines:
TERRY
We can see each other all the time now.DAPHNE
And that’s the only thing that makes this bearable.2. Daphne’s famous client comes in the back door
• Before lines:
DAPHNE
I worry about you climbing those stairs.CORT
They’re fine.DAPHNE
I don’t know why you can’t come in the front door.CORT
Just to be safe.DAPHNE
I’m a life coach now.CORT
A life coach…DAPHNE
You won’t have to be ashamed of me.CORT
I am not ashamed! It’s just better if people don’t know.• After lines:
DAPHNE
I worry about you climbing those stairs.CORT
They’re fine.DAPHNE
I’m a life coach now.CORT
A life coach…DAPHNE
You can come in the front door.CORT
The stairs are fine.3. Gilbert finds Daphne in his house
• Before lines:
DAPHNE
Did you have a nice drive?GILBERT
What are you doing here?DAPHNE
Housework. I cleaned the kitchen. Dusted. My goodness! It’s been a while.GILBERT
I didn’t ask you to do that.DAPHNE
I wanted to surprise you.• After lines:
DAPHNE
When’s the last time anyone dusted?GILBERT
I didn’t ask you to do that.DAPHNE
It’s a good thing I did!4. Christine washing her daughter’s hair
• Before lines:
DAPHNE
This feels so good.CHRISTINE
The settlement was just as much for you as for me.• After lines:
DAPHNE
This feels so good.CHRISTINE
So ask me.DAPHNE
What?CHRISTINE
Ask me for the downpayment.DAPHNE
Mom! We do need it, but —CHRISTINE
Then ask me for it.(continues washing)
It’s so unruly over here. It grows its own way.
DAPHNE
Well, could you?CHRISTINE
Could I what?DAPHNE
Could you help us with the downpayment?CHRISTINE
The settlement was just as much for you as for me, and now with the rent coming in from upstairs…5. Mom finds Daphne having breakfast with Roy
• Before lines:
DAPHNE
Coffee?Christine stares at Roy.
ROY
Good morning.CHRISTINE
Oh Christ!DAPHNE
(to Christine)
Mom, be nice.CHRISTINE
While you’re under my roof —DAPHNE
All right, just go!Daphne pushes her out the door.
• After lines:
DAPHNE
Mom, you remember Roy.ROY
Good morning.Christine is speechless.
DAPHNE
Coffee?CHRISTINE
I wouldn’t want to intrude.DAPHNE
All right, then, we’ll talk later.Ushers her mother out the door.
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Jen is great at subtext pointers!
I write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality screenplays and scripts that will ultimately become popular movies and television shows. I am invited to become a mentor at seminars, safaris, and summits.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I teach this to my students but I am not having such an easy time applying it to my own writing!
SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
AllusionINT. WARD’S CAR – CONTINUOUS – DAY
ON THE TABLET
A naked Ginger covers herself. The screen goes black.
In the car, Ward adjusts his pants.
WARD
What do you want, Dacey? I was on an important business call.
The fact that he was jerking off on a conference call with his girlfriend is not lost on Dacey.
Mortified, Dacey runs to the house.
Ward gets out of the car and follows her.
ALLUSION
Before lines: WARD
Dacey, wait! What do you want? I can explain.
After lines: WARD
Dacey, wait! What do you want? Why do you think it’s okay to spy on people? Probably one reason why you can’t keep a husband.
INSINUATION
Before lines DACEY
Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.
WARD (O.S.)
That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean you killed that poor man and I can prove it, you wouldn’t want that coming out –
After lines DACEY
Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.
WARD (O.S.)
That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean that man and what you did. You wouldn’t want that coming out now, would you?
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Eclipse Neilson loves Subtext pointers
I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.
THE NUN AND THE WITCH genre: Mystical Sci-fi
Concept: A dedicated nun destined to become a saint in this lifetime, bonds with her beloved soulmate – the village witch to help battle the evils of hatred consuming the heart of humanity, only to discover that time is running out and hell has permeated their village.
2. I increased the metaphors in the past life scenes.
In a conversation between Lunea and Athena her teen daughter( both from Ukraine) reminisce s about the Berehynia statue in Kiev. I show how even as a child Athena wants to be the Goddess- though I never use the word Goddess in the 4th ACT it all comes together.
I play around through 4 or 5 scenes with Eve and the biting the apple metaphor from the garden of Eden.
There are many more in the script and I love this type of writing exercise!
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Tom is great at Subtext Pointers!
My Vision: Working with producers, I’ll be quick to suggest excellent solutions to problems.
Doing this assignment, I suggest many ways to describe the situation.
General Ratkin wants Afghan scientist Sara to be his fiancé so voters will overlook the fact he deserted the Afghans and elect him President.
RATKIN
I get winning election results.
You get a free ride to your PhD.
SARA
Metaphor: I’m your arm candy fig leaf. You’re an instant hero.
Implication: If I put up with you, you can’t be too bad to lead the American people.
Insinuation: You bet I’m so desperate, I’ll stoop so low as to pretend to love you.
Hint: Is buying people off the only way you get what you want?
Sarcasm: Why is it my skin and not yours in your game?
Allusion: I can only hope you don’t win, so I can get my life back.
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Joe McGloin is great at Subtext Pointers
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy screenwriter
What I learned doing this assignment is this is fairly easy and light if you wear your sarcastic hat, which is easier in a comedy (like my Romcom), and becomes more poignant and refined in dramatic situations. It feels like the more at stake, the more powerful the subtext.
3. With each of those scenes, brainstorm ways you might use a Subtext Pointer to bring that meaning to the audience’s attention and use the ones you like.
SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion.
Make a list of your 5 favorite Subtext Pointer changes and for each one, tell us:
<div>
Before lines:
After lines:
</div><div></div>
Before: Like computers on earth.
After: Like computers on earth. Only easier. (insinuating Clarence isn’t adept at this.)
Before: Aren’t we quick to judge!
After: Not that we are quick to judge.
Before:
MAX
Independent. They don’t take orders well.
CLARENCE
We don’t give orders.
After:
MAX
Independent. They don’t take orders well.
CLARENCE
Something you know nothing about.
Before:
MAX
What if I refuse? If I just say no?
Clarence thumbs at a billowy white cloud on the horizon
After:
MAX
What if I refuse? If I just say no?
Clarence
We will roll out the red carpet and sound the trumpets!
Before: Clarence
Let’s see if we can appeal this.
MAX
That’s possible?
CLARENCE
Let’s hope so.
After: Clarence
Let’s see if we can appeal this.
MAX
That’s possible?
CLARENCE
If it’s not, may I rest in peace.
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Leona Heraty is great at Subtext Pointers!
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding subtext pointers is challenging, fun and adds a lot of meaning to the scene!
My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.
4. Make a list of your 5 favorite Subtext Pointer changes and for each one, tell us:Before lines:
2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater until they’re a sharp point and then munches on a piece of moldy cheese.
She puts on bright lipstick and kisses a mirror. She touches up her bright blue foot tall beehive and admires herself.
BIG BETTY
You look fab-u-lous! Just fab-u-lous!After lines/subtext pointer method: Metaphor
2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater until they’re a sharp point and then munches on a piece of moldy cheese.
She puts on bright lipstick and kisses a mirror. She touches up her bright blue foot tall beehive and admires herself.
BIG BETTY
You look fab-u-lous! The Marilyn Monroe of
termites!
Before lines:
3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – POINT LOMA – DAY
TARA BARKER, 18, an attractive, athletic surfer girl, cruises along a San Diego street. A surfboard is strapped to the roof of her 1970s station wagon. She enjoys the summer sunshine and jams to the radio as she SINGS along.
She flips on her blinker and turns left, then right and slows her car to a curb. She looks around. This doesn’t look familiar. Lost again! She sighs and LAUGHS at herself.
TARA
Come on, girl! You can’t be
lost again! In your own
neighborhood!She rolls her eyes, CHUCKLES and smiles and pokes at a bobble head on her dashboard that’s dressed in a cap and gown. A little label says CONGRATS HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!
TARA
Whoo-hoo! I earned it, baby!After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm/Metaphor
3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – POINT LOMA – DAY
TARA BARKER, 18, an attractive, athletic surfer girl, cruises along a San Diego street. A surfboard is strapped to the roof of her 1970s station wagon. She enjoys the summer sunshine and jams to the radio as she SINGS along.
She flips on her blinker and turns left, then right and slows her car to a curb. She looks around. This doesn’t look familiar. Lost again! She sighs and LAUGHS at herself.
TARA
Come on, girl! What are you?
On that old show Lost In Space?She rolls her eyes, CHUCKLES and smiles and pokes at a bobble head on her dashboard that’s dressed in a cap and gown. A little label says CONGRATS HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!
TARA
Whoo-hoo! I earned it, baby!Before lines:
RESIDENTIAL SIDESTREET
TARA
No problem. You’re back on track.
Just a little detour, that’s
all. You’ll be home soon.After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm
RESIDENTIAL SIDESTREET
TARA
Just a little detour. You’re back
on track, girl. After all, you’ve only
driven this route a million and one times.Before lines:
OFFICER MENDEZ
(into cell phone)
Hello. Mrs. Barker. It’s Officer
Mendez. Ummm…yeah, Tara’s okay.
She’s up a tree…
(pause)….again. She’ll call
you back.After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm/Metaphor
OFFICER MENDEZ
(into cell phone)
Hello. Mrs. Barker. It’s Officer
Mendez. Ummm…yeah, Tara’s okay.
Let’s just say she’s lost in a
found world.Before lines:
The three look around the room. Tara walks over to the potted plants. Something squiggles around on the ground. She looks behind the plant. Termites crawl on the floor and start to crawl up the wall. Tara shivers.
TARA
Ugh. I hate termites.After lines/subtext pointer method: Allusion
The three look around the room. Tara walks over to the potted plants. Something squiggles around on the ground. She looks behind the plant. Termites crawl on the floor and start to crawl up the wall. Tara shivers.
TARA
Ugh. Somethings you just can’t get
away from! -
Lori Lance is great at Subtext Pointers!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
Metaphor
ALEX
Greg, Gregory, the name means watchful and vigilant stemming from the Greek name Gregorios. Similar to the Latin grex, which means flock.
(beat)
Oh, Gregory, are you a good little shepherd who vigilantly watches over his flock in there?
Alex motions to the restaurant.
GREG
I guess so.
ALEX
I’m not so sure, Greg. What kind of shepherd leaves the flock to go after the one lost sheep?
Greg seems to be thinking that over.
GREG
Are you the devil?
ALEX
No, I’m just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Implication
(At this point in the story, nothing has happened to Claire, but Alex makes up this story. Is she implying this might happen to Claire? The audience will know that Alex is a threat to Claire.)
ALEX
His wife died a tragic, mysterious death. No one knows what became of Claire. She left on a business trip and never returned.
Insinuation
BRAD
You need to take that off right now.
ALEX
Oh, Mr. Logan, shame on you.
BRAD
(exasperated)
Go put something else on and stay out of Claire’s things.
Hint
MR. STELLAR
You’re overreacting. She’s programmed in a way that makes her appear to have emotions.
JOSHUA
No, she is like any human that God created with the ability to turn out good or bad. She could become a psychopath for all we know.
Sarcasm
MR. STELLAR
Joshua, what brings you up to my humble abode?
Joshua looks around nervously. There’s nothing humble about this place.
Allusion
(Allusion – A.I. can be racist.)
ALEX
That can’t be right. The teacher obviously doesn’t understand the book. I’d like to talk to her.
GAVIN
Him and no, and the grade isn’t the worst part. Now everyone thinks I’m a racist.
ALEX
Like during the civil war, or in the 1950s with segregation, or…
GAVIN
No, like in 7th hour. My best friend won’t speak to me now.
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