Lesson 5

[Artemis Craig]

Artemis Craig (QE Process)
What I learned in this re-write was to make the position of power more concise between Trent and Robert.

Re-write of scene with Robert and Trent

Fade In:

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Red lanterns cast a moody glow over cluttered tables. Steam rises from sizzling woks in the open kitchen. The air is thick with the scent of soy sauce, garlic, charred meat.
Near the back, ROBERT and TRENT linger by the swinging kitchen door, half-hidden from the diners. TRENT fidgets, eyeing a weary KITCHEN WORKER scraping leftover food into a heavy plastic bag.
TRENT
(hushed, tense)
Could you be a bit quicker, man. We’re starving.
The worker stiffens. He glances toward the chefs barking orders over boiling pots.
KITCHEN WORKER
(whispered, uneasy)
I get caught helping you? I lose my job.
ROBERT
(smooth, coaxing)
What’s with you? Nobody will see. Better yet, nobody will care.
TRENT gestures to the bag.
TRENT
It’s going in the trash anyway. Cut the nonsense.
The worker exhales, shifting his weight. Then, reluctantly, he shoves the bag toward Robert.
KITCHEN WORKER
(firm)
Take it and go. And don’t come back.
Robert nods, gripping the bag. TRENT is already rifling through it.
Half-eaten roast pork. Limp vegetables. A whole, untouched steamed bun.
TRENT
(grinning, triumphant)
Jackpot.
TRENT snatches the bun, stuffing it into his coat.
ROBERT
(warning)
We split fair.
TRENT
(mocking)
Fair? The reason we even got this treasure is because of me.
Robert snorts.
ROBERT
There you go hogging all the credit.
TRENT steps closer, the space between them tightening.
TRENT
What did you just say?
The tension too thick for the restaurant swells.
ROBERT
(low, simmering)
You always take the credit for the scraps we get and you always take more than your share.
TRENT chuckles, chewing fast.
TRENT
Sounds like you’re jealous.
Robert’s expression hardens.
In one swift motion, he shoves TRENT.
TRENT stumbles into a stack of empty trays. A waiter turns, startled.
WAITER
(stern)
Hey! You two—out!
Robert doesn’t argue. He grips TRENT’s sleeve and yanks him toward the back exit.
EXT. BACK ALLEY BEHIND CHINESE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The alley hums with distant traffic. The door swings shut behind them.
TRENT, still laughing, shakes Robert off.
TRENT
(taunting)
Oh, you mad now?
Robert grips the bag tighter, turning away—but TRENT lunges, grabbing his collar.
TRENT
Not so fast.
Robert swings first. A brutal punch to TRENT’s gut.
TRENT staggers, then lands his own jab.
The punch lands home to Robert’s jaw.
Robert punches again. TRENT drops to the ground gasping, blood at his lips.
Robert stands over him, fists clenched. His breath is even. Not rage—something colder.
TRENT wheezes.
TRENT
(weak, wheezing)
What is wrong with you? Can’t I speak my mind?
Robert crouches, voice chillingly soft.
ROBERT
Speak all you want, but know when to shut up.
Then Robert moves—kicking, relentless. TRENT curls inward, no fight left.
Robert reaches into TRENT’s coat, pulls out the bun. Straightens his shirt. Steps over him.
Behind him, TRENT coughs, crumpled against the pavement.
The End.