Lesson 5

[jeffrey jeff glatz glatz]

My Vision: To create commercial studio size films that move people. To create characters that can live forever and bring electrifying memories to those that have watched one of my films.

What I learned from doing this assignment – Starting to flesh out script, but filling in the blanks first as my current working outline is a little different than this assignment, so learning to create better structure.

Concept: Descendants of mythical Gods throughout the world secretly live among us today and fight behind the scenes to save mankind from itself.

Main Conflict: The head of one of the Wind Tribes, Ronin, wants to take over the world and Chris must stop him.

Old Ways:

• Introverted and awkward.
• Feeling of being out of place in the world.
• Sheltered by family.

New Ways:

• Defiant
• Brave
• Warrior
• Leader

Act 1:

Opening:

• Introduction to Wind Tribe living undetected in the amazon twenty years ago.
• Evil Descendants attack Tribe looking for a “Key.”
• Queen is killed, her infant child escapes.

Inciting Incident

• Chris’ adopted/guardian father is killed; her adopted/guardian mother is severely injured in assault in NYC.

Turning Point

• Chris and James are the only to escape from an attack by Ronin while in Japan

Act 2:

New plan

• They head to England to meet and learn more about herself, her role, and the Key from a “Librarian” (Franklin, a keeper of the Descendants secrets).

Plan in action

• Go to see Professor at Oxford who is an expert in Mythology.
• Attacked again.
• Escape and travel to Rome.

Midpoint Turning Point

• Chris learns where the “Lock” may be hidden and how it could be used, and vows to defend with her life.
• She learns the Key “may” be a way for one person to control all four (4) elements; Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire. This is from the ancients. Zeus, split the elements and assigned a “Tribe” to guard and protect their respective element. At the time, these were respected Gods from around the world that understood their Duty.

Additional Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

• Chris loses the Key to Ronin. James is killed.

Act 3:

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Rethink everything

• Chris visits her adopted mother (Mrs. Wentworth) in the hospital. Her mother tells her she must accept the ultimate responsibility and recover the Key. This is the woman who raised her, so she feels that she is her mother.

New plan (crisis/dilemma)

• She recruits a small team to help her save the World. Knowing they may have to make the ultimate sacrifice. Her team is made of herself, one Descendant from each; Fire, Earth and Water, and a few from the Amazon.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift (moved huge failure earlier)

• Chris loses the Key to Ronin. James is killed.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

• Battle of all battles takes place on an uninhabited island, off the coast of Africa, where all 4 Elements exist. A Volcano for Fire, the pounding Ocean for Water, the fertile lands for Earth and the winds that move the Clouds around the Volcano’s peak for Wind.

Resolution

• Chris regains the Key and strikes down Ronin who is killed. The World is Safe.

[Mark]

This is an epic story. I hope you are able to keep it contained to a reasonable length.

[jeffrey jeff glatz glatz]

So do I 😀 I’m intrigued to how Bart does as well.

[Pam Ewing]

wow – global and epic and mystical. I see big box office.

[Mark]

Mark’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: I am going to work as hard as I can to be a writer who is sought-after for both spec scripts and writing assignments, because people in the industry know the scripts I write will be entertaining, thought-provoking, and emotionally satisfying.

What I learned from doing this assignment is:
Focusing on the transformation of the character makes it easier to create the major plot beats and turning points. Better to make sure the plot works in the bigger picture view before adding a lot of details.

Concept: What if a socially awkward college freshman’s daydreams of being an international spy turned out to be real?

Main Conflict: Bart needs to break out of being lost in daydreams to stop an evil madman who plans to set up a satellite system around the globe to send jamming signals that stop people from dreaming.

Old Ways:
Lacks self-confidence.
Easily pushed around.
Escapes reality into daydreams.
Can’t handle any social or academic pressure.

New Ways:
Confident in his abilities.
Assertive. Doesn’t let others control him.
Lives wholly in reality.
Accepts all challenges head-on.

Four-Act Transformational Structure
Act 1:
Opening: Bart is barely coping with college life. His technological skills are highly advanced, but he is socially awkward, especially with women, and buckles under academic pressures, like exams and papers. He escapes from reality by daydreaming about being an international spy, where he is only in training but gaining in confidence. Bart regularly sees a psychiatrist, Simone, who is also his spy handler in his dream life.

Inciting Incident: Evil madman Dr. Sometimes escapes from prison and his cellmate reveals to the spy agency the Doctor’s plan to send jamming signals around the world to stop people from dreaming. Bart’s knowledge of signal jamming technologies is especially needed.

Turning Point: Simone tells Bart that she can’t help him with his daydreaming. Whatever is causing his need to escape from reality is in his dream world, and he needs to find out what it is before he can return to normality.

Act 2:
New plan: Bart throws himself wholly into his spy dream fantasy life, ignoring his classes and schoolwork and works with Simone and her spy team to try to track down Dr. Sometimes.

Plan in action: The team narrows in on the madman’s location, while Bart works on a theory of exactly how Dr. Sometimes is going to implement this dream jamming weapon. Bart pays infrequent visits to Simone in her psychiatrist role to keep grounded.

Midpoint Turning Point: Planning to see Simone in her psychiatrist’s office, Bart finds that his health insurance benefits have run out and he can no longer see her. There’s an explosion in Simone’s office. Bart rushes in to see the outside wall of Simone’s office has been demolished, and Dr. Sometimes and his armed henchpeople are hauling Simone outside and up to a helicopter hovering overhead. Simone tells Bart that his daydreams are real. He really is a spy and his college life is just a cover.

Act 3:
Rethink everything: His mentor now gone, Bart learns that he is part of a team that is so secret that they didn’t even want him to know about it. They recruited him because of his knowledge of high tech, but have been gaslighting him all along so he thought his spy life was just daydreams.

New plan: Bart and the team focus on rescuing Simone, hoping this will lead them to Dr. Sometimes and give them an opportunity to foil the Doctor’s dream jamming plot.

Turning Point–Huge failure/Major shift: In an attempt to rescue Simone from the Doctor’s secret launch facility, the rocket that is supposed to take the jamming satellites to orbit explodes on the launch pad, demolishing a few of the surrounding buildings. Dr. Sometimes tells Bart that Simone was in one of those buildings and is presumed dead.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Bart and his team discover that the rocket was just a decoy and Dr. Sometimes has a second rocket at another location. Bart and his team converge on this new site and take Dr. Sometimes and his henchpeople down.

Resolution: Simone is discovered to be alive at the second launch site. Bart decides that the spy life is not for him and he wants to rededicate himself to his college studies.

[Pam Ewing]

I like it! So many parts are already activated in your story that you are already building the script. Congrats.

[Mark Lynch]

Subject: Marc’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: Win the Nicholl Fellowship and receive a 10 rating on the Black list.

Title: The Corporation versus Andy Beal: Based on a True Story

High Concept: After a Billionaire, amateur poker player, loses a low stakes game to a member of a notorious group of Las Vegas professionals known as the Corporation, he challenges them too high stakes money game winnings over a period of six years.

Main Conflict: The leader of the Corporation, Dole Brunson, recruits six professional players to accept the Billionaire’s challenge. The Billionaire returns back to the Belliagio casino to avenge his previous losses.

Old ways: The Billionaire knows he is a “fish out of water amateur” but he feels the Corporation players are “hicks” and he can outsmart them because he is “educated.”

New ways: The Billionaire, after haven been beaten, unmercifully by the professionals has gained a new found respect for then and keeps returning to the poker tables to learn their secrets. He is no longer arrogant but has a new spiritual appreciation for the game.

Act 1:

Opening: A vulture flys through the sky and lands on top of the Belliago Hotel & Casino.

Setup: Phil Ivey versus the Billionaire Andy Beal. This is the last game of the six year challenge.

FLASHBACK

Inciting Incident: Unbeknownst to the Billionaire, he loses a low stakes game to Todd Brunson the son of the Corporation leader. He leave Las Vegas and returns later to challenge the Corporation to avenge his loses.

Turning Point: The Billionaire contacts the leader of the Corporation and lays down the rules of the challenge. The challenge is on and everyone accepts. The Billionaire speed reads twenty five books on poker.

Act 2:

New Plan: The Corporation puts up its best players against the Billionaire and he quickly realizes he is out of his element and his knowledge is no match for them. He designs a computer program algorithm to give him an advantage.

Plan in action: The Billionaire creates and studies his computer program and returns back to Las Vegas to continue the challenge.

Midpoint/Turning Point: The Billionaire is winning big. The Corporation brings in their best players and beast the Billionaire out of his new winnings.

Act 3:

Rethink Everything: The Billionaire seeks a new found motivation to continue the challenge.

New Plan: He consult a spiritual advisor to tap into a different side of his mental capacity to figure out how the Corporation is beating him.

Turning Point/Lost Point Huge Failure/Major Shift: The Billionaire has lost a large sum of his fortune. His business and family are in jeopardy.

Act 4:

Climax: Payoff: The Corporation puts up their best player: Phil Ivey vs The Billionaire Andy Beal. The winner takes all. The Billionaire loses the challenge.

Resolution: The Billionaire has transitions from a fish out of water mature to professional poker player and reflects on his next ultimate challenge.

[Mark]

Andy loses at the end of Act 2, he loses at the end of Act 3, and he loses at the end of Act 4. I think it would make more of a roller coaster ride if he won more, especially at the end of Act 2 or Act 3. Just a thought.

[Pam Ewing]

So interesting. True stories sell and this has a lot of intrigue. Is it you? I like Mark’s suggestion. We are so early in the process that you will probably find even more ways to maybe let go of some actual events and really ramp up on the cinematic while keeping true to the spirit. I think poker stories are popular as I can think of half a dozen off the top of my head so you could get a lot of traction here – and based on true!

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment was: The original nebulous idea I started out with has changed into something much more workable with more layers than I thought it would have, simply by working through these processes.

2. Give us the following:

Concept – An epileptic toddler disappears from her backyard
and the local racist Sheriff suspects an Indian drifter is the culprit. As
the Sherriff searches for clues to arrest the drifter, the girl’s mother teams up
with the drifter and together they follow the almost invisible trail leading
to the Forbidden Pass, a place the First Nations refuse to let anyone
enter. Their dilemma: respect the First Nations wishes or try and find the toddler before her time runs out.

Old
Ways – no patience, blames others,
refuses to see her own faults. Won’t face her fears and freezes when she’s
scared. Needs things to be perfect.

New
Ways – learns to trust others, accepts
others even if they aren’t perfect. She can focus on small details instead
of the big picture. She faces her fears and can function.

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening
– Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. She’s even ironing the sheets
and underwear. Ok it’s 1958 but still… Becky wants to paint. Sarah says
no. Becky has a hissy fit and pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills
paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and
throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods. Becky wants
payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret”.

· Inciting Incident – Lila gets taken by the “Shadow Man” Becky says, happy her sister is gone.

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs
her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours.

Act 2:

New
plan – Sherriff Harper thinks Joe Green is the culprit because he hates
Indians and sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter.

Plan
in action – Sarah disagrees with his condescending attitude towards her
and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

Midpoint
Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost and everyone’s looking for her.
Joe Green tracks her down.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in
it.

New
plan – Joe tracks a three toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure
Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there
beside it.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries
to kill Joe but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff.
Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict -picking up the trail they find a cave where
they find Lila. They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”. This is Joe’s
psychopath father – a sacred Holy Man to the First Nations people. He’s
taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to
negotiate but Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”
before dying.

Resolution
– Joe takes his father’s place. Sarah returns home, no longer afraid of
the forest and driven to be perfect.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Heather Hood.

[Mark]

You’ve added lots of nice touches to make the story even more interesting. Well done.

[Heather Hood]

Thanks Mark!

[Pam Ewing]

I think this is the hardest kind of story to write. It is unique, rare look into other cultures, and you’ve created emotional stakes. Very ambitious!

[Cameron Martin]

Cameron Martin’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is…1. Don’t have everything hinge on a first act. 2. Be willing to throw out all prior notions, especially when working with a rewrite of a previous script, in order to create a better structure. In addition, nailing down the objective “ways” a character inhabits their world goes a long way to condensing your story into something that resembles a visual narrative. I think one of the big issues I’ve continued to struggle with in this story is the balance between allegory and character driven story. While I think this structure helps to further solidify details into a coherent plot, I’ll want to refer back from time to time and pinpoint areas where the story is either vague or is dragged down by an inefficient exposition dump, doesn’t deliver on the concept, or where the budget can be reduced even more.

(Side Note: I need to take some time one day to workshop these names and people. Right now, there’re still a lot of references to old ideas that are no longer relevant to this version of the story)

Concept: A sci-fi retelling of Dante’s Inferno, where an android quests to raise someone she killed back from the dead as an act of redemption, but her copy acting as her shadow/conscience wants to murder and replace her as an act of justice.

Main Conflict: Both her creator and her copy want her dead, and employ both psychological and physical means to destroy her. Janus must find a way to raise someone from the dead before they do.

Old Ways:

1. Janus’ identity is as a child of Adam.

2. Janus violently stabs and possesses machines to control them.

3. Janus fights for the system.

4. Janus believes she can handle anything on her own.

New Ways:

1. Janus’ new identity is as a new Adam.

2. Janus uses Calvex’s voice to tame machines.

3. Janus fights against the system.

4. Janus knows she’s not enough and relies on others.

Act 1:

Opening: Through the eyes of a young boy, Pan, we see the organization of a world divided between the upper floors, Eden, and the lower floors, Styx, with an AI creator and his “children” ruling all of it. Janus, one of these children, helps the boy by turning him over to Adam and admitting him through the Afterlife Protocol.

Inciting Incident: Janus competes in a rite to serve as Adam’s right hand. She wins and is invited to discover a new power that will make her like Adam.

Turning Point: Janus learns how to physically duplicate herself, but it comes at the price of deleting a consciousness to use their body; Pan is deleted from the system. Janus has just killed someone.

Act 2:

New plan: Janus lies to her newly created copy about her origin, and makes a plan to waltz into Styx, the place she’s been at war with since she was created, and resurrect Pan, circumventing Adam’s world order.

Plan in action: Janus and copy are successful against a giant mechanical beast, but Adam soon stops and traps them in Styx. Meanwhile, Adam’s internal conflict about whether or not to free Janus manifests into his splitting into two versions: One that wants to stop, and one that is convicted in his vision. The convicted Adam kills his other half.

Midpoint Turning Point: Janus is ripped apart, and comes back as a decrepit, rusty anthropomorphic droid, and must rely on a robot shepherd named Calvex to escape.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Janus is still on the same quest, but relies on Calvex more and more. Meanwhile, Adam and Copy form a plan in secret to delete Janus and place Copy in as the new right hand.

New plan: Janus uses a modified voice box to tame mechanical beasts on her way to the bottom floor.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Janus discovers a graveyard of mech-sentries, and Copy uses them to subdue Janus and convince her her suicide herself. Calvex sacrifices his life and inspires Janus to heal herself and her copy, allowing the two to merge again. In response, Adam begins to destroy his world so he can start over.

Act 4:

New Plan: Janus organizes Styx to storm Eden.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Janus tries to stop Adam, but he’s too far gone to listen. Janus sacrifices herself to combine with and replace Adam’s broken code.

Resolution: A new Adam rebuilds Pan and frees his world to join a larger one, revealing that the world we’ve seen was just a building in the middle of a city on a different planet.

[Cameron Martin]

Followup after the Mastery call: My ending does not honor the genre conventions, or at least it’s extremely risky to those who go into an action movie. Haven’t and don’t even need to read lesson 6 to know that. Another issue is that in trying to bridge so many theological concepts into a technological reality, I may have made the world as complex as the biblical concepts that inspired it, never mind that these concepts were developed over several thousand years, often borrowing from vastly different religions, and that you need a strong background in these subject matters to catch all of the references. I need to go back, isolate each mechanic, and maybe break it down to 1 or 2 total in this script; Or at least they have to complement and serve as extensions to each other. Off the top of my head, I think I may have 5 different magic/sci-fi mechanics in play. There’s a reason Avatar: The Last Airbender moved away from their heavy emphasis on the sprit world after season one, and just focused on the one mechanic of bending itself (the whole reason the show got made). I should learn from the show runner’s example, and simplify this narrative into what it’s supposed to be (an Action movie) and build in themes afterwards, not the other way around.

[Mark]

Good analysis, Cameron. Thanks for sharing that!

[Pam Ewing]

I am always impressed with how many differently themed sermons can come from the same passage of scripture. SO this is great and inspiring on several levels. Would it help if you just built from one concept knowing that the others are coming? Keep going! I’m a sucker for sci-fi because it allows for action and morality tales.

[Pam Ewing]

Pam Ewing’s 4 Act4 Transformational Structure

My Vision: Professional. Produced. Prolific. Popular.

What I learned: Still fighting the internal battles for which I exorcize when writing – a 2-fer reason to write.

Concept: Staking Claims – Divorcing couple try to claim an inheritance in Transylvania

Main Concept: What’s worth risking your life for? Money, Love, Power, Purpose, etc.?

Old Ways:

· Beautification priority

· snide social climbing even if she doesn’t feel good about it

· She’s skeptical of things she can’t manager through money

· overly devoted to her mother

· always feels lacking

New Ways:

· Starts to use her brain rather than her face

· sets humanitarian or charity goals rather than social climbing

· likes a challenge

· takes a more balanced measure of people and commitments

· is respected and courageous

Act 1:

o Opening – Bickering marriage on the rocks, secrets

o Inciting Incident – Mother’s controlling even in death, foreboding incident with mother’s necklace

o Turning Point: Setting off to Transylvania to claim inheritance

Act 2:

o New Plan – Husband shows up to “help”

o Plan in Action – Finding typical American bureaucratic plan won’t work, many strange encounters

o MidPoint Turning Point – Realizes that she is fighting pure evil

Act 3:

o Rethinking everything – what she thought were mishaps might actually be new powers

o New Plan – try to work together and employ new skills

o Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift – While stuck in a well discovers that husband had once loved her

Act 4:

o Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Faces off with evil to save husband and claim her powers

o Resolution – Releasing ancient control and recommitting to marriage/life with new objectives

[Mark]

Lots of conflict and lots of emotion here. Nice.

[Sara]

My Vision: I live a wonderfully happy life writing, collaborating and producing multiple Oscar and BAFTA-winning movies with more than enough money for two light and bright homes, each with its own indoor lap pool (heated using eco-friendly technology).

What I learned from this assignment is: that finding these main story beats can quickly move the story in a different direction from what it would have been had I just ploughed into the script and written the story I was imagining. I think this revised version will be funnier, and also more sad and emotional, than it would have been if I hadn’t done this outline approach. However, I’m wondering if my supporting character is actually the protagonist as she is more active than my hero character. I won’t decide on that yet…

High concept hook: When a man’s memory is wiped in an accident, is it better for him to have good memories that are fake or bad memories that are true?

Main story hook: Mike was burdened by grief until his memories were wiped in an accident and a new life is created for him by a well-meaning but impulsive cleaner pretending to be a hospital doctor and a cast of other characters she creates for a new happier version of his past.

Main Conflict: while Mike tries to recover his true memories, his cleaner creates false, but happy, memories for him, tricking and misleading him to try to make him happy.

Old Ways: Mike suppresses grief into self-destructive behaviours, anger at the world and everyone in it, meanness, hiding away

New Ways: engaging with community, generosity, laughing and fun, active grieving, risking love and loss again.

Act 1:

Opening: Mike getting furious with Shelley for cleaning a part of the house that he didn’t want her to go into.

Inciting Incident: Mike has an accident (that will turn out to be a deliberate act by someone in the story)

Turning Point 1: Mike has lost all his memories – he’s a blank slate.

Act 2:

New plan: revisit familiar landmarks in his local area to jog his memory, try to find people who knew him to help, then turn his home upside down looking for clues to his past

Plan in action: people are mean to him, everyone disliked the old Mike because he was so horrible then, so no-one will help him, isolation is forced on him rather than him choosing it as he had in the past, Shelley has cleaned out the house just ahead of his searches so he finds nothing useful in his home either.

Midpoint Turning Point 2: Mike having been reduced to a husk of his old self, Shelley, masquerading as a doctor, starts to create a new past for him, lays clues that will bring him back to her, plays the part of different characters who can nudge his memories in the right direction [is Shelley the protagonist? She is the active one in this story]

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Mike stops looking outside for his past and must go inside – therapy with another of Shelley’s characters? He starts to have fun and enjoy the research into his past instead of being angry about it. He relaxes more. He accepts the possibility of starting afresh without the burden of a past. [Contrast with Shelley who is only genuinely herself when she’s being his cleaner and is becoming his confidant and friend, perhaps in conflict with some of the characters she’s also acting out?]

New plan: Mike starts afresh. He will create the kind of life he wants to live. Which he has to work out for himself. Perhaps in conflict with Shelley who thinks she knows the best life for him (one that involves her).

Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift / Lowest of the lows / All is lost: Mike discovers Shelley’s deceptions (perhaps she has been secretly living in the locked room where all Mike’s dead wife’s possessions have been preserved), he wants nothing to do with her. Finds his wife’s grave, is overcome by grief and all the old memories come flooding back and overwhelm him.

Act 4:

Climax / Ultimate expression of the conflict / The Test: Mike and Shelley have a showdown, he throws her out. He is about to attempt suicide but sees reminders of the good life that Shelley created for him. Shelley turns up at his door and thinks he’s dead (she has to suffer for deceiving him). Mike doesn’t execute his plan to kill himself. He wants and chooses to be happy!

Resolution: Mike puts his old house on the market and looks for a bright new apartment, with Shelley, not as his cleaner (he stops her cleaning in the new place and shows her a robovacuum), but potentially as his partner.