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Lesson 5
Reply to post your assignment.
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18 Replies
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Bob Kerr – Elevate Your Character’s Stories
What I learned doing this assignment is that by digging deep into my character’s traits and beats, I could create a more dynamic situation that added depth and entertainment value to the overall story.
Top 5 Character Profiles:
FRAN: Traits = determined, Daddy’s girl, protective mother, risk adverse and fighter
Beginning: Ambushed with a divorce and no Plan B
Middle: Asked to be stroke and leader of the women’s crew
End: Her worst fears come true but she overcomes the fear of drowning to lead her crew to a come from behind victory.
Broad Strokes:
1. Fran and her daughter rescued by Poppa
2. Fran agrees to return to her music and live by Poppa’s rules.
3. Fran meets Vespoli at work and is immediately recruited to join the women’s rowing crew
4. Poppa persuades Fran to go out for crew as it will help her make connections for her music career and she will learn things not taught in college classes
5. Fran joins crew despite her fear of drowning.
6. Fran starts a war with Poppa after changing her major from music.
7. Vespoli asks her to be stroke and lead women’s crew.
8. Fran becomes leader and realizes her fear at the regatta but prevails and leads her crew to a come from behind victory.
9. Fran reconciles with Poppa.
NEW OVERALL STORY:
Beginning – Fran & daughter are rescued by Poppa.
Middle- Fran’s vanity gets in the way of being a college athlete.
End – Fran overcomes her vanity and her fear of drowning to lead the women’s crew to a come from behind victory.
POPPA: Traits= Overbearing, controlling, demands perfection, withholds physical affection, narrow minded
Beginning: Willing to rescue Fran and her daughter on his terms.
Middle: Isolates Fran when Fran changes majors from music.
End: Makes last ditch effort to control Fran. Loses and reconciles with Fran.
BROAD STROKES
1. Poppa will rescue Fran and daughter but he now controls their lives.
2. Poppa is upset when Fran doesn’t get a perfect score on a math test.
3. Poppa encourages Fran to go out for rowing as he believes it will help her music career.
4. Poppa reverses his attitude about rowing when Fran changes her major claiming she is just doing what Vespoli teaches them.
5. Poppa is at war with Fran and Vespoli
6. Poppa makes last ditch effort to control Fran with unfair wager. If she doesn’t win, she
must quit rowing and Poppa will be back in charge of her life.
7. Poppa loses the bet and reconciles with Fran.
NEW OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Poppa rescues Fran & her daughter.
Middle: Poppa is at war with Fran but loves his granddaughter to the extreme.
End: Poppa makes Fran bet on the outcome of the regatta and ultimately loses and reconciles with Fran.
VESPOLI: Traits = Perfectionist, people person, World Champion rower, proud and relentless.
Beginning: Accepts job at Wichita despite all the short comings and the reality that he must coach women for the first time.
Middle: Takes a part-time teaching job in the winter to overcome his isolation.
End: Coaches crew to remarkable victory and builds self confidence and self-esteem in entire crew.
BROAD STROKES:
1. Takes Wichita job despite overwhelming odds.
2. Struggles to get and keep women on the crew at the dawn of Title IX.
3. Recruits Fran to join crew.
4. Takes teaching job during winter to solve his sense of isolation.
5. Demonstrates his authority by kicking 3 men off the crew for violating team rules on spring training trip.
6. Leads crew to underdog victory.
NEW OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Takes Wichita job despite overwhelming odds against success.
Middle: Teaches Fran life lessons tied to success in any endeavor.
End: Gives rousing speech and basks in the glory of a thousand fans watching the first collegiate regatta in the history of Wichita.
TIM WIGGINS: Traits= Privileged, persuasive, visionary, Title IX advocate, patient.
Beginning: Hires Vespoli on condition that Vespoli coaches women.
Middle: Despite struggles to keep women on the crew, he raises the money to purchase a new 4 and a new 8.
End: Tells Vespoli it is a victory to just get to the opening regatta regardless of the outcome on the water with a full women’s crew.
BROAD STROKES
1. Hires Vespoli despite the adversity of the situation.
2. Persuades the Wichita State University President to sign off on a Varsity Rowing program.
3. Introduces Vespoli to prospective rowers and then prospective donors.
4. Doubts the capacity to keep a full women’s crew.
5. Surprised when neither he, or Vespoli, counted on the social isolation Vespoli would experience.
6. Congratulates Vespoli for successfully having a full women’s crew to compete regardless of the outcome of the first regatta.
NEW OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Hires Vespoli
Middle: Organizes Lt. Governor and other city leaders, as well as a radio broadcast, to be at the first collegiate regatta in the history of Wichita.
End: Declares victory by just having a full men’s and women’s crew after 7 grueling months of training.
MOMMA: Traits: Emotionally available, strong, classic grandmother, supports Fran without fail, great relationship skills.
Beginning: Supports Poppa rescuing Fran and her daughter even with Poppa’s conditions.
Middle: Warns Fran her decision to switch from music to business will cause a war with Poppa.
End: Warns Poppa he is going to lose his daughter if he continues to try and control her.
BROAD STROKES:
1. Supports Poppa’s conditions to rescue Fran and her daughter.
2. Supports Poppa’s encouragement for Fran to go out for rowing.
3. Supports Fran’s struggle with the physical demands of rowing.
4. Reminds Fran that Poppa has always expected to control Fran’s life.
5. Stands up to Poppa when he continues to be at war with Fran.
6. Stands up for Fran’s request to have the whole family attend the first collegiate regatta.
7. Stands up to Poppa to accept that Fran has done something remarkable with her rowing.
NEW OVERALL STORY:
1. Beginning – Supports Poppa
2. Middle- Supports Fran3. End- Orchestrates family healing
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Hi Bob. Your #5 elevation is excellent. Questions: 1) What is Vespoli’s isolation about since he seems surrounded by people? 2) It seems the granddaughter could play a bigger part in the story … possibly bigger than Momma? 3) is there a rowing person who can/ is going to act as a friend or ally a truth teller that helps?
Hope this helps, Bob. Nicely advancement of story.
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Patricia:
Thanks for your feedback. Very helpful to get feedback on the progression of the script.
To respond to your questions:
1) During winter training, when Vespoli can’t be on the water for his own training, he only has two hours on his day committed. The rest of the day it’s just him and his apartment. Wichita is not the hotbed of rowing that Vespoli is used to when he was on the east coast.
2) The granddaughter is only three. In the script she has some key roles though there is a limit to what a 3 year old can participate in the adult drama going on around her.
3) The rowing person in the script, outside of Vespoli and the WSU crew, is Tim Wiggins. He is a local business man who rowed when he was in college. He is the one who offers Vespoli the job. His primary interest is making sure there is a women’s crew otherwise his vision for rowing is literally dead in the water. He had his own business he runs so not a lot of time to support Vespoli.
I’m not sure if I shared this but I was one of the co-captains of the WSU crew that first year. I was unaware of the women’s story till I decided to do the script about the WSU crew.
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I feel like I’m posting a ton of stuff… but here it goes anyway…
Deb’s Character Story Beats
What I’ve learned: This assignment was tough but did get easier as I went along. I started out writing way too much. By isolating the characters, I was able to understand them better and elevate them. Also – doing assignments 1 – 4 first was an important step – because the information I needed to do this assignment was organized and ready for me to use.
1. Character Name: Delia (lead)
Role in the story: High School student, daughter, granddaughter
Core Character Traits:
Capricious, Addicted, Sarcastic, Stubborn
Character Subtext Logline: Delia is a stubborn teen, addicted to her phone, who is convinced that she’s better off isolated and alone.
Flaw: thinks she’s the only one who suffers
Want: To continue in her isolation Need: To have Faith in Goodness despite life’s trials
Character Arc: from isolation to re-connection with family
Secret: She has a soft spot for animals, especially cats/kittens (but her mom is allergic, so she can’t have one)
Identity: Everybody calls her “suicide girl” because of her scars – and she kind of likes that this puts people off to her.
Beginning: Leaves her mom to go on a road trip with her grandma who destroys her phone
Middle: tries to buy a new phone, but is thwarted
End: reconciles with her grandma and returns home to her mother
Delia’s Character Beats – broad strokes:
Act 1:
Delia, rejected at a young age by her father, now a teen, annoyed and rebellious towards her mom, has no choice but to go with her grandmother on a road trip but – she has her phone with her, so she’s fine.
When her phone is destroyed, she must deal with the situation in front of her – and finds Victoria and her stories very entertaining.
However, her body is telling her that something is missing – her phone – she needs it. She resorts to alcohol to escape – but instead, is confronted by Victor (a quadriplegic) – someone who shocks her – someone she can’t ‘figure out’.
Act 2:
Delia has nothing to soothe her but Victoria’s stories. When Victor surprises Delia with a bouquet of flowers, Delia goes to thank him. After they talk, she can’t help but like him. When Victoria tells the story of “The Heist” and Delia hears another ‘happy ending’, she becomes disillusioned with the stories. During the telling of “The Donation,” Delia sneaks away to buy a new phone with Abby’s credit card. Abby catches and stops her. Delia is so upset, she steps out into oncoming traffic, but Abby pulls her back.
Act 3:
When Delia returns to the art studio the next day, Victoria tells the story of the final artwork. It comes to light that these are true stories but altered to give each a happy ending. They talk about having faith in Goodness despite the evil around them and Victoria asks Delia if she’s willing to change the way she sees the Father. Victor teases Delia about not having a phone and Delia laughs. Delia and Victor promise to keep in touch. Delia and Abby return home with carry out and Delia reconciles with her mom.
Improvement to Act 3:
I’m concerned that there is no setup and too many talking heads (just Delia and Victoria going back and forth) for the revelations that occur… maybe it’s too much all at once.
So, after brainstorming, I’ve decided to introduce Cora, Victoria’s sister, in ACT 2 during the ‘paparazzi’ scene and the telling of “The Game”. Cora will casually hint that all of Victoria’s artwork is based on real people, and that she should be sued for libel. She insists that Victoria is an unreliable narrator. Finally, in ACT 3, Cora will show up again – and will reveal to Delia the true endings.
Not sure if this is the answer – but it’s going to fill this space for now.
2. Character Name: Abby (lead)
Role in the story: Delia’s Grandma, Friend to Victoria
Core Character Traits: Tough Love, Blunt, Loud, Flexible
Character Subtext Logline: Abby is a loud and lovable grandmother who wants to help her troubled granddaughter.
Flaw – not “healthy” – she smokes, drinks, and struggles with her weight
Want: her family to be happy Need: to reconcile her own hurts from the past
Mission: to help her granddaughter
What makes this character unique: truly doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her
Beginning: Takes her troubled granddaughter, Delia on a road trip to meet her old friend, Victoria, at her art show.
Middle: Abby loses track of Delia who manages to steal her credit card and sneak away.
End: Reveals the truth about her past and encourages Delia to embrace life.
Broad Strokes Act 1
Abby destroys her granddaughter Delia’s phone while they travel to an Art show. The artist, Victoria is also Abby’s friend, and she gives them a personal tour. Abby gets upset because she realizes the artwork is about her life experiences.
Broad Strokes Act 2
Abby continues to listen to the stories as Victoria describes them in her artwork. She drinks too much and eats too much. She tries to comfort Delia who is really missing her phone, but Delia won’t have it. Eventually, Delia steals Abby’s credit card and goes to a nearby store to buy a new phone. Abby stops her in the act, and they argue. When Delia, in frustration, steps off the curb into a busy intersection, Abby grabs her by the hair and pulls her back.
Broad Strokes Act 3
Abby and Delia go back to the art studio the next day and listen to the story of “The End.” Abby reveals that she is, indeed, one of the characters in the story – but her true story does not have a happy ending. Delia sees her grandmother in a new light. Abby tells Delia to have Faith, despite all the evil in the world.
Abby delivers a different Delia back home.
Abby Change:
I thought Abby was the antagonist in the story – but, after writing her beats, she appears passive – and is content to have Victoria do all the “heavy lifting.” She just wants to help Delia. While Delia might look at her like a villain (because she destroyed her phone), Abby serves as an encourager to Delia – throwing her back in the ring when she tries to get out.
That being said – I wanted to show a CLEAR motivation for WHY Abby is taking this trip with Delia – so a few things need to be established in the first act… that this is the only way – and the only path that these two are going to take together.
Broad Strokes Act 1 – with changes:
Abby is concerned about what’s going on in her daughter’s home. Her granddaughter, Delia has been suspended from school and her daughter is at a complete loss in how to deal with the situation. Abby decides to take Delia on a road trip and introduce her to Victoria, an old friend and now famous artist, who once also had a troubled past. She feels like maybe together, they can encourage Delia to change her path. On the way to the art show, Abby throws Delia’s phone out the window (this is what got Delia into trouble in the first place)
When they arrive, Victoria gives them a personal tour. However, Abby soon realizes that the artwork includes stories from her own personal past and this makes Abby very uncomfortable.
3. Character Name: Victoria Hartmann (lead)
Role in the story: famous artist, friend to Abby
Core Character Traits: Mindful (in the moment), Generous, Picturesque, Grounded
Character Subtext Logline: Victoria is a famous yet grounded artist who struggles to tell the truth in her artwork.
Flaw: She uses her own family and friends in her art, even though some do not want to be represented.
Life Metaphor/Identity: “My art is theological, not biographical, or chronological”
What makes this character unique? Though she is uber-famous, she is also grounded and sensitive to the needs of those around her.
Beginning: Victoria reconnects with her old friend Abby.
Middle: Victoria tries to help Delia, Abby’s granddaughter.
End: Through her art, Victoria’s stories have a positive impact on Delia’s life.
Broad Strokes:
Act 1
Victoria is shocked to see her old friend, Abby, along with her granddaughter, Delia, attend her art exhibit. Abby indicates that Delia is troubled and in need of some help and encouragement. Though Victoria is pulled in other various directions, she rolls out the red carpet and offers them a personal tour.
Act 2
Victoria takes her time explaining each art piece/story in detail and has a captive audience. She manages to balance her obligations at the show with her attention to her guests. She is saddened when, after talking about her most personal piece of art, Delia has slipped away, and no one can find her.
Act 3
Victoria is overjoyed when Abby and Delia return the next day and she can tell them about her last piece of artwork. Though there is debate about her intentions and reasons for her art, it’s clear that she wants Delia to see, that even though life is full of evil and sadness, she can have hope and live life with joy.
Victoria’s beats have led me to an important question that I still need to answer. It is about the artwork. There are three specific reveals about the artwork:
1. The artwork is based on real people in Victoria’s life (the people in the room).
2. Their stories have been changed to ‘happy endings’
3. The reason Victoria changed the endings is because she’s telling a different story.
Question: When and How do I reveal each item for maximum impact?
Is “the artwork” is its own character and do I need to create beats for it?
More to come.
4. Character Name: Paisley (supporting)
Role in the story: Victoria’s daughter and art curator, Victor’s mother
Core Character Traits: In the background, Single Minded, Scatterbrained, All Business
Character Subtext Logline: Paisley, though scatterbrained, manages to pull everything off with a modicum of success.
Flaw: She doesn’t see herself as scatterbrained – she thinks she’s got it all together
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She’s juggling too much, but she doesn’t want to let anyone down.
Beginning: Paisley curates the opening night of her mother’s art show
Middle: When Victoria is distracted, Paisley tries to keep her mother on track.
End: Paisley gets ready for another showing and cares for her son.
BEAT by BEAT:
ACT 1
1. With the art show at capacity, Paisley dissuades her mom from letting more people into the art studio.
2. When Victoria steps outside in the rain to greet her friend, Paisley brings her mom an umbrella.
3. Paisley, interrupts and tries to draw Victoria away to meet with an important art critic.
ACT 2
4. Paisley interrupts again, this time, requesting Victoria for some photographs with other famous people in attendance.
5. Delia talks to Paisley about Victor (Paisley’s son).
6. Paisley accepts flowers from a delivery person and presents them to Delia
7. Paisley interrupts the meeting between Delia and Victor.
8. When Delia disappears, Paisley directs Abby to the back office (thinks she’s with Victor)
ACT 3
9. The next day, Paisley attends to all the pre-opening activities
10. We understand that “Becky’s baby” is Paisley in real life
11. Paisley feeds Victor pizza
Change – Paisley works so hard because she wants to be worthy of her mother’s love. But what she doesn’t realize is that she has always been wanted and loved. When the truth of the paintings comes out – she realizes this.
Change in broad strokes:
Act 1
Paisley can barely keep up with her mother who is a whirlwind of beauty and grace. She thinks she must perform perfectly, yet she comes across as awkward and incompetent.
Act 2
Paisley doesn’t understand that her mother has chosen to focus on her friends – that the art show isn’t as important as this. She’s also jealous of her son’s affection and doesn’t like to see it given to Delia.
Act 3
Paisley comes to understand that she was loved from conception and that she doesn’t have to prove herself to her mother. She is not her job.
5. Character: Victor (supporting)
Role in the story: Son of Paisley, Grandson of Victoria, Friend to Delia
Core Character Traits: Quadriplegic, Life of the Party, Artistic, Troublemaker, Observant
Character Subtext Logline: though confined to a wheelchair, he has unbridled mirth and invites others to join in the fun.
World View: How can we make this fun?
Beginning: Minding his own business, he makes art and accidentally meets Delia.
Middle: Falls for Delia and wants to get to know her.
End: Wants to continue his relationship with Delia.
Broad Strokes:
Act 1
Victor is introduced as Delia’s love interest
Act 2
Victor woos Delia but then betrays her
Act 3
Victor makes amends and hopes their relationship will continue
CHANGES:
It’s interesting to me how Victor didn’t even exist in my first draft – yet here he is, almost driving the story. I have made so many changes with him to this point (even as I was doing this assignment). So, for me, I think this assignment brings Victor into sharp relief.
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Hi Deb,
Overall, I can see how you are fleshing out your characters. Great work!
Notes/Comments: Take what you want and ignore the rest.
You may already have this planned, but…I realized that Delia is forced to listen to the stories because she doesn’t have a phone. Maybe at the beginning of the artwork scene we see her frustration at having to listen. But as Victoria reveals more stories, Delia gets more and more interested in them.
Introduction of Cora. I’m not sure about this addition because the fewer characters the better. This is an idea…I feel like it should be Abby that makes the reveal to Delia about the “real” endings. I think it would be more poignant coming from her grandmother and build that bond.
I agree that the artwork is its own character…and it’s all of the characters!
Lisa
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great feedback – thanks.
Yes – I see what you mean about Cora – good suggestion.
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David Wickenden Character Stories Assignment
What I learn, doing this lesson?
By spreading out each character’s story line, it allows a bigger picture of the their roles in the story, making it easier to see flaws and/or opportunities to expand or create deeper conflict.
Protagonist: Adam
Antagonist: Queen
Connecting character: Guang – Messenger (Angel) of heaven
Supporting Character for Protagonist: Ian
Supporting Character for Antagonist: Hive
Adam
Profile: 15-yr-old, born leader, acting out due to grief from the loss of his grandfather, loyal
Beginning: Leads the others as they escape the prison
Middle: In charge of the group assigned to save heaven
End: Finds that it’s not enough to win the battle, he must restore peace as well.
First Act Story
1. Shelters Ian from guard.
2. Leads the others on the escape.
3. Is confronted by Scavenger.
4. Makes initial contact with Guang.
Queen
Profile: Ruler of an alien world, insectoid, aggressive, cruel, the species follows the Hive mentality.
Beginning: Her troops have invaded heaven and stolen the Staff of Moses.
Middle: She kills Ian for threatening her eggs.
End: Is killed for revenge by Freddy for having killed Ian.
First Act Story
1. Her troops have broken through the barrier to heaven.
2. They attacked the residents of heaven.
3. They have stolen the Staff of Moses.
Guang
Profile: Guang acts as a guide and confident to Adam. Supportive, understanding, naive to human nature.
Beginning: Guide and confidant to Adam
Middle: Guide and confidant to Adam
End: Guide and confidant to Adam
First Act Story
1. Guang has made contact with Adam.
2. He has transported them to heaven.
3.
Ian:
Profile: Loyal, gutsy, need for acceptance.
Beginning: Looks up to Adam like a big brother.
Middle: Backs Adam up during conflict but begins to gain independence.
End: Is killed by the Queen, forcing Adam to stand on his own.
First Act Story
1. Being the smallest of the group, he is targeted by the guards.
2. He worships Adam.
3. Finds a water source to help Rob and the others.
4. His small size allows him to enter the mine building where they find food.
Hive
Profile: doesn’t think for itself, acts as one unit. Follows the Queen’s command without hesitation.
Beginning: attacks heaven on the Queen’s command.
Middle: Attempts to stop Adam’s group from using the Staff.
End: Returns to the alien home world when the Queen is killed.
First Act Story
None that the reader is aware of.
Changes 1: When Ian, who is a mortal, is killed, I had him born again in heaven, almost immediately and therefore available to continue the quest. Adam will later use the power of the Staff to raise him back to mortal stance. This has been pointed out that it reduces the tension and stakes for Ian.
I have therefore decided to have Ian killed and Adam and his friends will have to deal with the pain of loss. This will affect their decision making moving forward.
Changes 2: Guang acts as a guide and confidant to Adam during the quest. He is naïve about human behavior.
I will use this to cause conflict between the two. Guang, as an angel, cannot understand how a mortal views the world and this should create some interesting tension and conflict.
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DAY 5 – Elevate Your Characters’ Stories
Lisa Long’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that characters and story are a work in progress throughout all the drafts.
Take your top five characters through Character Beats.
Protagonist
Character Profile: MOLLY
Core Character Traits:
· Afraid – fear that she will not be taken care of or fit in or make a friend.
· Angry – angry at her mother for abandoning her. Angry at her father for never being in her life before.
· Secretive – she keeps secrets from everyone in her life.
· Sneaky – because Edgar has forbidden her to dance, she sneaks around to do it.
Character Subtext Logline: Hiding something, Lying. Molly is scared in her new surroundings but tries to hide it.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw – Overdoing things, Poor decision making
Want/Need – Wants to stay with her mother and be a dancer in The Nutcracker at the New York City Ballet.
Mission/Agenda – Must dance at the NYC Ballet.
Character Arc (if any) – Scared and abandoned to unafraid and free of the burden of her past.
Life Metaphor/Identity – Dancing is life!
Secret – She lies to Mars about permission and to Edgar about dancing.
Beginning: Abandoned by her mother in a strange place with people she’s never met. Molly obsessed with dance is told she mustn’t dance but work instead.
Middle: Molly meets a choreographer whom she pesters into helping her get into the NYC Ballet. She lies and sneaks out to practice dance, then runs away to NYC for final audition.
End: Molly makes up with Edgar & they mourn Jane’s passing together. Her mother comes to live with them. Molly teaches dance for a while. Her parents surprise her with new toe shoes and the news that she has been accepted in the NYC Ballet program.
Molly’s Beats:
Act 1 – Molly is abandoned to live with Edgar who declares no dancing! Has to work in the restaurant and go to school. Meets choreographer Mars.
Act 2 – Molly sneaks around to dance with Mars. Mars films an audition for Molly and she gets a second audition.
Act 3 – Molly goes to NYC with Mars for in person audition. When she returns Jane has died. She mourns with Edgar. She and Edgar discuss April’s possible return.
Act 4 – April returns and Molly must forgive. Molly teaches dance for a while but misses performing. For Christmas she gets new toe shoes. And receives an invitation from the NYC Ballet to join their dance program.
Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
I will change the beginning to show more of the devastation Molly feels when abandoned by her mother without explanation. I need to work on the relationship of Molly with Mars.
Antagonist
Character Profile: EDGAR
Core Character Traits:
· Panicked – he has to figure out what to do with this little girl he doesn’t know or how to treat her.
· Shy – Edgar is innately shy and struggles to find words and open up to people.
· Angry – he is angry that April left him because she wanted fame and he wanted to stay put and run the restaurant. He takes it out on others sometimes.
· Covering Up – Ed is covering up that he is still in love with April. He cries at night alone in his room because she was the love of his life.
Character Subtext Logline: Afraid to say, Withholding; Edgar hides his anger at April and takes it out on Molly. Edgar puts on the strong, silent type act, but inside he is mushy and scared.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw – Says the wrong thing, Undervalues themselves
Want/Need – Ed wants April, Molly’s mother back but fears it’s too late for him. He will use Molly to try to get April to return.
Character Arc (if any) – Edgar is a broken man who must find a way to open up. He has a powerful character arc.
Secret – He is Molly’s father.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves – Edgar has eventually admits that he is wrong about Molly’s obsession.
Beginning: Edgar doesn’t know how to relate to a young girl when Molly comes to stay with him. He forbids Molly to dance because dance broke up his relationship. He requires Molly to go to school and work in his restaurant.
Middle: Edgar has a chronic illness. He finds out that Molly and Mars went to NYC and he goes after them. Confronts Mars who got permission from April to take Molly to NY. Sees Molly dance and it changes his mind about her dancing because she’s brilliant.
End: Jane dies and Edgar mourns with Molly. April asks him to return. He discusses it with Molly and they decide yes but with conditions. He fixes up a shed for Molly to teach dance. He realizes Molly won’t be happy unless she’s performing. He contacts Mars in NY and gets him to help Molly. At Christmas, Edgar and April give Molly a new pair of toe shoes. And a letter saying she got into the NYC Ballet program.
Edgar’s Beats:
Act 1 – Edgar sets down the rules around his place. Has little patience with or knowledge of a young girl.
Act 2 – Edgar has a chronic illness that Jane helps him with.
Act 3 – Edgar goes after Molly & Mars when they go to NYC for the in-person audition. He confronts Mars but Mars produces proof that April gave him permission to take Molly. Edgar sees Molly dance for the first time and is stunned. He realizes he has been wrong about squashing her dream.
Act 4 – April asks Edgar if she can come back. He eventually says yes with conditions. Edgar fixes up a shed for Molly to teach dance. Edgar contacts Mars. At Christmas, Edgar and April give Molly toe shoes and a letter that informs them that she got into the NYC Ballet.
Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
I will work on adding how Edgar takes his anger at April and out on Molly. Need to work on Edgar’s overall subtext to show more of what he’s going through. Will add a more powerful confrontation scene between Edgar and Mars.
Connecting character
Character Profile: APRIL
Core Character Traits:
a. Dreamer – has always believed that her dreams can come true, even though they never have.
b. Transient – doesn’t like to stay in one place because she gets bored…with the place and the people.
c. Foolish – she doesn’t make wise choices for herself.
d. Caring – she does love her daughter but isn’t sure she can take care of her.
Character Subtext Logline: Plotting
OPTIONAL:
Flaw – Poor decision making
Want/Need – Wants Molly to have a permanent residence and go to school. April thinks she’s doing what is best for Molly.
Character Arc (if any) – April has to learn to deal with the fact that she has to give up the career that she loves so much.
Secret – April doesn’t tell anyone she’s getting surgery on her back and can never dance again.
Beginning: April drops her daughter off at Edgar’s.
Middle: April finds out she can never dance again and has back surgery.
End: April asks to come back to live with him and Molly. She has to agree to conditions. She and Edgar build out a shed for Molly to teach dance. At Christmas, April and Edgar give Molly new toe shoes and a letter telling her she got into the NYC Ballet program.
April’s Beats:
Act 1 – Drops Molly at Edgar’s and takes off.
Act 2 – April facetimes with Molly not telling her she has to have back surgery and can never dance again.
Act 3 – April comes to Jane’s funeral. Asks Edgar to return to live with him and Molly.
Act 4 – April moves in with Edgar and Molly agreeing to conditions. She and Edgar fix up a shed so Molly can teach dance. She conspires with Edgar and Mars to get Molly into the NYC Ballet program.
Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
I’ve already added an extra scene showing more of April’s journey.
Supporting character for Protagonist
Character Profile: MARS
Core Character Traits:
a. Fragile – he recognizes his fragile state and that is why he is hiding out from people at the Bay.
b. Sarcastic – how he deals with people.
c. Kind – he tries to be kind to everyone.
d. Empathetic – he feels for Molly and her situation.
Character Subtext Logline: Withholding and being polite
OPTIONAL:
Flaw – Overdoing things
Want/Need – Wants to be left alone to grieve. He decides Molly can help him as he helps her.
Character Arc (if any) – By helping someone else, he helps himself and is able to return to his city life.
Secret – Mars is hiding out from his friends and dance family.
What makes this character unique? A renown black man choreographer.
Beginning: Mars meets Molly on the beach and corrects her toe point while she’s dancing. When asked if he will teach her he says no. He’s there mourning his mom’s death.
Middle: Mars gives in to Molly’s pestering and begins working with her on audition material. He gets Molly a virtual audition. Then when called for a second in-person audition takes her to NYC.
End: Mars come clean and tells Molly that it wasn’t his mom, but his boyfriend that died. And that by helping her, he’s able to get back to his life. He returns to NYC.
Mars’ Beats:
Act 1 – Mars is at the Bay to mourn his mom’s death. Meets Molly and refuses to help her with her dance dream.
Act 2 – After being pestered, Mars agrees to teach dance to Molly at his house. He gets Molly a virtual audition and films it for her.
Act 3 – Mars gets permission from April to take Molly to NYC, but Edgar doesn’t know that. Mars and Edgar confront each other in NY.
Act 4 – Mars brings Molly back to the Bay. He comes clean and tells Molly the person who died was his boyfriend, not his mom. One month later he’s packed up and goes back to NYC to resume his life.
Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
I plan on adding a scene to show Mars’ grief through dance. Need to see more evidence of how Molly changes him. Will add a more powerful confrontation scene between Edgar and Mars.
Supporting character for Antagonist
Character Profile: JANE
Core Character Traits:
· Caring: She loves Edgar and learns to love Molly too. She wants them to love each other, so she can die peacefully without worrying about them.
· Covering Up: Doesn’t tell anyone that she knows her health is fading.
Character Subtext Logline: Withholding. Jane is tired but pushes through so no one suspects she’s ill.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw – Reflects other feelings but masks hers.
Want/Need – Wants Edgar and Molly to support each other for when she’s gone.
Mission/Agenda – Jane speaks the truth when others are afraid to do so. She gives support to those hurting. She softens Edgar’s anger.
Character Arc (if any)
Secret – She knows she’s on her way out but doesn’t acknowledge it.
Beginning: Jane has been cooking at Big Ed’s Seafood Hut for decades. Edgar asks her to help Molly get settled in.
Middle: Jane encourages Edgar to go easier on Molly. And she encourages Molly to be more patient with Edgar. Jane tries to empower each of them to be themselves.
End: Jane dies. She leaves Molly a note that only says “Molly, Shine”.
Jane’s Beats:
Act 1 – At first, Jane is a little irritated that with all her work in the restaurant she now has to care for a young girl. But she gets Molly settled. She assists Edgar by administering his medicine from a chronic illness.
Act 3 – Jane tells Edgar to ease up on Molly. And she tells Molly to ease up on Edgar. Also, she tells Molly about April and Edgar.
Act 4 – Jane dies after leaving Molly a note that just says: “Molly, Shine”.
Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
I need to figure out how to more strongly express Jane’s wisdom and impact on all the other characters. This may come with wordsmithing at the end.
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Nice improvements!
I have a few comments and a few suggestions (I can’t help it, these characters are very real to me!) – but, of course, take it or leave it as needed.
re: Molly – I like how you want to develop her “devastation” at the beginning… and I love the metaphor you use in the second act when Ed saves her from the storm. Perhaps it’s literally “storming” when she arrives – she’s a hot mess the first time she meets Ed and Jane both physically and emotionally.
I like that you want to develop the confrontation scene between Ed and Mars. I see Ed as, perhaps being either jealous of their relationship (Molly and Mars) or remorseful that he (Ed) can’t do what Mars can do for her.
I also see a rift between April and Jane. And, while they never meet, Perhaps this is something you can capitalize on when April re-joins the family. Maybe there are things that Jane did for Molly that April feels jealous over – or hurt that she couldn’t be a part of. Again – this is just a broad stroke – but maybe it will help you as you plant a few kindnesses for Jane to do for Molly earlier in the story.
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Hi Deb,
I agree with your suggestions. I have a lot of work to still do on my characters, but I feel like they will get there. Your feedback really helps!
Thank you,
Lisa
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LESSON 5
Trish’s Character Story Beats
What I learned from this assignment that just marching along got the job done. Not sure at this minute that I did it satisfactorily. Will look at again later.
CHARACTER NAME: HARALD – NORWAY
ROLE: King in the making
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS: Loyal, fierce, focused, determined
CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Harald leaves childhood behind and becomes a man, a warrior.
LOGLINE: Harald has lost all his family and his friends become his new familyFlaw: naive
Determined to brutal with enemiesA. His Character Profile – Loyal, fierce, focused, determined
B. His Overall Story
Beginning: Near death on the battlefield close by dead brother. Spirited away to Kiev and King zyaroslav.
Middle: Leaves Kiev with friends and army and is appointed to Emperor’s personal mercenary Varangian army in Constantinople
End: Rides triumphant out of Kiev, wealthy, determined to be King of Norway,, and married to a King Yaroslav’s daughter.
C. Broad Strokes:
1) Harald chooses to fight with his half-brother Olaf who dies, and Harald is nearly killed.
2) Harald’s friends and men whisk him away to mountains to heal.
3) As Harald heals he and the group plan escape to Rus and relatives. Harald’s need for revenge hardens his resolve. His need to be King is also hardened into relentless pursuit.
4) They are welcomed in Kiev at King Yaroslav’s castle. Harald meets the daughter, Elisev, his future wife.
5) Harald and men fight battles with Yaroslav against his enemies.
6) Harald proposes to Elisev who refuses him.
7) He and his men leave for Constantinople to fight for Emperor Michael IV.
8) They fight for many yrs. Harald decides to go home.
9) One last trip to Jerusalem to be baptized in the Jordan river. His friend Rongvald is killed.
10) They enter Constantinople and are imprisoned. A slave girl frees them and they escape.
11) They enter Kiev as heros. Harald marries Elisev
12) Harald and army ride out of Kiev with Elisev and all his riches.D. New Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Harold almost dies at Battle of Sticklstad by his dead brother Olaf. His friends and other soldiers whisk him away onto the mountains to a rustic cabin here he gradually heals thanks to Thorensson’s skills. Harold’s resolve to be King and get enough money hardens into a quest.
2. Middle: He and his friends plans his escape to Rus to King Yarislav and relatives in Kiev. Thorensson with men get boats in Sweden port and they sail up the Baltic sea.cross overland to Kiev where they fight with Yarislav. Harold woos Elisev who refuses his proposal. They all leave for Constantinople.
At Constantinople they become part of the Varingian guard with Harrold as their lead captain. They fight many battles and all grow rich. Harold sends all of his booty to Yaroslav to store.
End: Plan to go to Jerusalem to be baptized. When two traitors in their midst attack them, one mortally wounds Ronvald, and Thor and Harald kill the other. Promises to keep to Rongvald made before he dies. Burn him in a funeral pyre. Next day go to Jerusalem and get Baptised Return to Constantinople and are imprisoned. Thor’s slave girl love frees them and escapes with them.
Once in Kiev there is a big celebration and two marriages. Next day, Harold and Elisev, Thor and slave girl, and all Harold’s men leave Kiev and head home to Norway to see about making Harald King of Norway.
End of Part OneCHARACTER PROFILE – 2
CHARACTER NAME: RONGVALD – VIKING
ROLE: Best friend to Harald – Norway
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS: Faithful, honest, brave, righteous
CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Rongvald embraces the Viking qualities of warrior and love for family.
LOGLINE: Rongvald takes action first and thinks after.
Righteous to narrow minded.
Makes the character hard hearted and judgemental.
Goal: Rongvald has a character arc now. He’s more faceted.1. His Character Profile:
A) Beginning: Faithful, honest, brave, righteous, cranky.
B) Middle: Fiercly protective, brave, blunt.
C) End: Dies: fierce, gentle, tough, brave.
2. His Overall Story
Beginning: Helps save a wounded Harald from death and escape to mountain hut with Thorensson and others.
Middle: Sails from Sweden to Kiev with Harald, Thorensson and army of faithful followers, then to Constantinople with his friends and army.
End: Is murdered by betrayers in Harald’s zrmy on their way to Jerusalem to be baptized in river JordanC. Broad Strokes
1) Rongvald has left his family to fight with Olaf and Harald at Sticklestad. Although slightly wounded he helps grab Harald and haul him into mountains to a rustic cabin.
2) Rongvald heals and guards the cabin and Harald until Harald heals. Worry is now one of his traits.
3) They all escape into Sweden and race down to meet Thorensson at the warf. They all sail up the Baltic Sea to Nova, cross land carrying boats to Kiev.
4) Rongvald rides beside Harald in battles for Yaroslav.
5) He goes to Constantinople with Harald and fights in all the battles.
6) On the way to Jerusalem, Rongvald is mortally wounded. Gives last instructions to Harald. Dies.
7) Burned to ashes in a funeral pyre.
New Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Rongvald reluctantly leaves his family to fight with his friend Harald.
2. Middle: Rongvald gripes-a mumbling monologue of crankiness that gets louder and more frequent the farther from home he gets and as the years go by.
3. End: Rongvald doesn’t fault Harald for his death. Cuts a piece of his hair to send home with his love and new fortune to family. Dies and burned in funeral pyre.CHARACTER PROFILE – 3
CHARACTER NAME: WILLIAM – NORMANDY
ROLE: Duke of Normandy
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS: fierce, bold, wise, wary, honestCHARACTER SUBTEXT:
Willian is the illigitimate son of a Duke
Want: to force his enemies into submission
Need: to be accepted as legitimate
Wary to impulsive. Makes him unpredictable, which could be interesting
LOGLINE: Fights and works hard to be a success as a man and leader of his people.
Character Overall Story
Beginning: As a young boy, 6 yrs old, Will sees his father die from poison at dinner.
Middle: At age 9, he becomes Duke of Normsndy. He must fight against neighbors, greedy family, and the King of France.
End: As King Edward remains ia. ll, William expects to be King of England. He marries the daughter, Mathilda, of powerful Count Baldwin V of Flanders.His Character Profile: fierce, bold, wise, wary, honest, tricky.
B. His Overall Story:
1. Beginning: At the age of 6, Will sees his father die of poison at the dinner table.
2. Middle: at the age of 15, the King of France, Henri 1, knights William.
3. End: As Duke of Normandy William must fight everyone to stay alive.Broad Strokes:
1. At age 2, Sticklstad happened. Will didn’t care. He was a daddy’s boy. He is a Bastard and suffers all the slings from children and adults.
2. At age 6, he sees his father die from poison at dinner.
3. His uncle guards him and keeps the dukedom going.
4. At age 9, he is declared Duke of Normandy. The fighting begins. Will must learn fast.
5. At age 15, King of France knights him.
6. From that time, he fights neighbors, kinsmen, the King of France.
7. He Marries Mathilda of Flanders.New Overall Story:
Beginning: Will learns from a young age that the world is never safe.
Middle: After fighting for many years, he captures Harold the Earl of Wessex and Kent etc. essentially his prisoner. Doesnt actually threaten him but Harold is alone amongst Will’s fighting men. Forces Harold to fight under Will’s flag, swear fealty and promise to support William as King of England, then lets him go home.
End: Will returns to fighting to secure his kingdom. The best move William makes is courting Mathilda of Flanders and marrying her as provides heir and children who will rule.CHARACTER PROFILE – 4
CHARACTER NAME: HAROLD – ENGLAND
ROLE: Heir of the Earl of Wessex, Kent etc.
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS: diplomatic, charming, intelligent, valiant, honest.CHARACTER SUBTEXT: possible heir to English throne
World view: revolves around me-my family.
Want: to be the best
Need: his father’s approval
LOGLINE: Harold works with his father to remain near King Edward to manipulate him into making Harold king.
Mission/Agenda: To become King no matter what it takes.
Young smart man to leader of men.Character Profile: diplomatic, charming, intelligent, valiant, somewhat honest.
Character Overall Story.
Beginning: A young boy being groomed by his father to be Earl of Wessex and Kent, and to become close enough to King Edward the Confessor to become king when Edward dies.Middle: Learns to be diplomatic and smooth over squabbles while maneuvering closer to king. Harold is sent as an envoy to William of Normandy, shipwrecked and captured and taken to William.
End: Forced to declare fealty to William, fights with him against his enemies and allowed to go home after he promises to support William for King of England when King Edward dies. Life goes on as usual.Broad Strokes:
1. Harold is born into privilege, power, and wealth as the son of the richest most powerful man in England, Earl Godwonson.
2. At a young age -6- Harold’s father grooms him to be an Earl and gain the skill to be the king’s main advisor.
3. King Edward sends Harold to William of Normandy to tell him he will be King of England.
4. Harold is captured and taken to William. All alone and surrounded by potential enemies and death.
5. Harold stays quite a long time. Must swear fealty to William and promise to support his position as King of England and undergoes fealty ceremony to Will.New Overall Story:
Beginning: Harold groomed to be diplomat by his father. Tutors him on the Sticklestad battle mistakes made. Father also tutors him on how to successfully manage estates of earldom. Primary function – how to manage the King.
Middle: the King tries to manage Harold by sending him to William to tell him he will be King of England on Edward’s death But Harold is captured and turned over to William as his prisoner, then as his virtual prisoner.
End: In order to be free to return home, Harold must bow to Will, swear his fealty to him in a ceremony, and fight battles with him. He must promise to support William as King of Egland before William will let him go. Harold uses all his charm and diplomatic skills to survive and lies about his oath as it was made under duress so he could return home.CHARACTER PROFILE – 5
CHARACTER NAME: THORENSSON – VIKING
ROLE: best friend with Harald, Rongvald – of Norway
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS: genial, fun loving, loyal.
Flaw: sly
Want: to have a family.CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Thorensson acts tough but is a big softy.
LOGLINE: Thorensson is a careful advisor to Harald who couches his advice in humor.
Changed genial to cranky In ” sarcastic” humor.Made him seem more real and interesting.
Gives him a goal outside of warring.His Overall story:
Beginning: Helps wounded Harald to escape death from enemies to a mountain hut. Escapes to Kiev
Middle: After leaving Kiev with Harald and army for Constantinople, meets a beautiful slave girl from the Emperor’s palace, who is in charge of seeing that they are fed.
End: Rides out of Kiev for Norway with Harald and Elisev.His Character Profile: careful advisor, sarcastic humor, faithful.
Broad Strokes:
1) Thorensson fights at Sticklestad with Harald and Rongvald. He’s unscathed.
2) Thorensson helps Rongvald and other warriors take a severely wounded Harald up into the mountains to a rustic hut.
3. Thorensson helps guard and heal Harald.
4) When Harald is mostly healed, Harald sends Thorensson with twenty men down to a coastal town in Sweden to buy and outfit ships to sail to Rus, to King Yarislav in Kiev.
5) He fights alongside Harald and Rongvald as they fight Yarislav’s enemies. Thor watches as Harald woos Elisev and learns. Rongvald tells tales of his wooing tactics with his wife and points out Harald’s mistakes. He gets lonely and envious.
6) They all go to Constantinople to work for the Emperor to earn a lot of money and booty.
7) Thor meets a beautiful slave girl in the palace who brings them food. Thor is smitten and begins his wooing to the ribaldry of his friends.
8) Fighting and winning many battles they all get rich. They decide to go to Jerusalem and get baptized in the river Jordan.
9) Two of Kalfr’s betraying fighters try to kill Harald. Thor kills one and Ronvald is mortally wounded by the other, who will die too.
10) After a funeral pyre, the men go and get baptised. Now Thorensson can hardly wait to go back to Constantinople.
11) They all go back to Constantinople. They are arrested and put in jail to die later. Thor connects with slave girl and she frees them.
12) Thor takes slave girl to Kiev. When Harry marries Elisev, Thor marries slave girl. Big celebration.
13) Thor and wife leave with Harald, Elisev, and his army as they ride out through the castle gates.
(Some new changes above in story)New Overall Story:
Beginning: Thorensson goes to Sticklestad to fight with Harald and Rongvald as a supporting friend. Thor helps heal Harald, smart in creating medicines and wound care.
Middle: Thorensson works hard to protect his friends fighting for Yaroslav. He’s lonely as Rongvald laments his absence from family and Harald woos Elisev. He later meets and woos a beautiful slave girl when they all go to Constantinople to fight for the Emperor.End: At the death of Rongvald, Thorensson realizes life is short and unpredictable. He goes to Jerusalem but now he’ll fight for himself and his own dreams as well as protect Harald. He persuades the slave girl and she saves them all when they get imprisoned in Constantinople. He takes her to Kiev and marries her. He leaves Kiev for home with Harald and Elisev, and the army.
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Patricia:
Really enjoy the New Storylines. More focus on the mentorship relationship and the skills of managing royal assets. Creates lots of opportunities for great subtext. The overall theme gives you an opportunity to blend several strategies to build sub-text. Also, great opportunity to build on the irony of Thorensson and Harald’s journey to be baptized in the Jordan River. Lots of juicy scenes to get these two men to come to the decision to be baptized.
I really am enjoying your development of this script. The characters are more three-dimensional and the scope of the saga is truly epic. Looking forward to the next evolution.
Bob
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Emma Served Me The Finger – EROTIC THRILLER, COMEDY
What I learned: Get creative with how you introduce a character!
1. Character Name: Joe (lead)
Role in the story: Lead, Boyfriend of Emma’s
Core Character Traits: Nurturing, Restrained, Unguarded, Avoidant
Beginning: Joe is seen spying on Emma’s home. Presumed creepy.
Middle: Joe is trapped by his own surprise and Emma keeps him there. Presumed victim.
End: Joe is tricked and falls for Emma’s appearing decency. Presumed fool.
Broad Strokes: Joe starts by spying on Emma’s. We learn that he’s her boyfriend and we are supposed to fall for him after he mentions that he’s setting up a surprise. He does all this hard work while she’s away, ignoring the signs that he’s in danger. Then he stumbles into the surprise. He plays it off when Emma starts asking him about it. After mistaking his efforts as successful, he gets trapped and eaten by Emma. He wakes up and again falls for it.
Changes: I think I need more dialogue of Joe talking about what he thinks of Emma before the surprise. It also needs to be more clear that he’s fallen for Emma’s act, thinking he’s done better than he has.
2. Character Name: Emma (lead)
Role in the story: Lead, Girlfriend of Joe’s
Core Character Traits: Manipulation, Sadistic, Liability for others, Indebted
<font face=”inherit”>Beginning: E</font>mma<font face=”inherit”> is hyped up. Presumed idealistic.</font>
Middle: After the bombshell and then we see her trying to squeeze the truth out using her trickery. Presumed villain/victim.
End: Emma disarms Joe before giving him his own surprise. Presumed villain we want to see succeed.
Broad Strokes: Emma arrives home and is shocked by Joe’s surprise. She realizes he knows about the body and then teases him. She gives up, thinking she’s looking too much into it but then is reminded and continues her pursuit. Realizing that he knows she kills him. Then Joe wakes up. Things appear normal. He and Emma talk and then he realizes that he blabbed about knowing in his sleep.
Changes: Emma needs to mention that Joe talked in his sleep. She also needs to more clearly give up her pursuit until he reveals that he knows when she eats.
3. Character Name: Jennifer
Role in the story:non-lead, friend of Emma’s, helps Joe set up his plan
Core Character Traits: Friendly, Teasing with others, Indecisive, Reserved
<font face=”inherit”>Beginning: Jennifer is getting ready </font>for<font face=”inherit”> the concert. Indecisive. Needs Emma’s help.</font>
Middle: Jennifer helps Joe with his plan by calling and giving heads up. Excited.
End: Jennifer takes on a mentorship like role to help Joe.
Broad Strokes: Only in about 5 minutes of the film, most of it VoiceOver.
Changes: I need to give Jennifer a bit more to do if I want her to have more impact in the story. Although I’m not sure I need to change that about her. Her dialogue is weak.
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SUBJECT: Karen Brandin, Character Story Beats
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT: The supporting characters aren’t just window dressing, they should have an in-depth character arc that ties in closely with the main character’s arc.
LOGLINE: A former Olympian makes a life pivot from coaching skiers to helping military veterans, requiring her to adjust to her Grandmother’s small town and partner with the town doctor who runs the free Veterans Clinic.
Top 5 Characters:
1. Protagonist: Charlotte McClelland
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Main protagonist
Core Character Traits: Competitive; Compassionate;
Optional:
Flaw: Clumsy off the ski slope due to inattention and a natural clumsiness.
Want/Need: Help veterans through the damage they sustained in the military. She realizes that life changes can bring fulfillment beyond what she imagined, and adds a richness to daily life.
Character Arc: Goes from counselling people to win to providing survival skills to veterans..
What makes this character unique? Under her competitive streak is a compassionate team player who wants to elevate all of those around her.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Happy camper counselling the National Ski Team.
Middle: Loses dream job, and feels lost without the tether to the Ski world.
End: Realizes a forced life pivot can lead to a more fulfilling career and personal life.
Beats of their story:
2. Antagonist: Finn, the new town doctor
Character profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s love interest
Core Characteristic: Altruistic, Compassionate
Optional:
Flaw: Takes things at face value, instead of asking questions.
Want/Need: Find someone to share his life with – he believes Charlotte may be that person.
Mission/Agenda: Ensure veterans are well both physically and mentally.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do no harm – to anyone.
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: He is a Christmas fanatic.
Character’s beginning, middle and end.
Beginning: Happy being single, but is struggling to manage his practice and the Veteran’s Clinic.
Middle: Realizes that he needs to ask for help to serve his community well, and that being unattached romantically might not be serving him well.
End: Loves Charlotte and sets up new programs in support of his veteran patients.
Beats of their story:
3. Connecting character: Tina, Charlotte’s cousin who owns the town bakery
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s cousin and owner of the town bakery.
Core Characteristic: Food is love.
Character Logline: Family and food are her passion.
Optional:
Flaw: Always trying to stuff people with food, whether it’s good for them or not.
Character logline: Family and food are Tina’s passion, it’s her expression of love for her family and her community.
Mission/Agenda: Feed the world, or at least the town, and teach others to bake.
World View: There is no reason for anyone in the world to be hungry.
What makes this character unique? She sees no reason for diets and fitness. Eat and be happy is her view.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Sell as many baked goods as possible and teach everyone to bake.
Middle: Evaluates whether she should offer healthier goods to her family and friends.
End: Asks Charlotte to help her get more fit and consults a nutritionist (recommended by Charlotte) to offer healthier alternative baked goods.
Beats of their story:
4. Supporting character for Protagonist: Iris McClelland
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s grandmother.
Core Characteristic: Love and a strong backbone.
Optional:
Flaw: Sometimes breaks boundaries and tries to “fix” her granddaughter’s love life and future career path.
Want/Need: To decide what her needs are and focus more on herself than interfering with her granddaughter’s life.
Mission/Agenda: Bring Charlotte and the town doc, Finn, together.
Life Metaphor/Identity: When something awful happens give yourself 1 day to cry about it, and the next day move on or at least start to heal.
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: A steamroller.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Schemes to get Charlotte to stay in town and fall in love with Finn.
Middle: Meets and enjoys the company of John.
End: Let’s Charlotte run her own life, which ironically ends up being exactly what Iris wished for her.
Beats of their story:
5. Supporting characters for Antagonist: John
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Iris’s love interest and Finn’s grandfather
Core Characteristic: Practical
Optional:
Flaw: Although somewhat set in his old-fashioned ways, he allows his grandson to pull, if not drag, him into the current social world.
Mission/Agenda: See his grandson happy in love since Finn is already settled nicely in his work.
Life Metaphor/Identity: life is short, live every day.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Attracted to Iris and makes minor efforts to push Finn and Charlotte together.
Middle: Backs off as he sees the sparks between Finn and Charlotte, and successfully develops a friendship with Iris that he’d like to become more.
End: He and Iris care for each other and become exclusive as he learns from Finn that there are many types of relationships, not just dating and marriage.
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Douglas E. Hughes – Elevate Your Characters
What I learned from this assignment is a) that shortcomings in a character’s story can reveal themselves early on in this process, and b) even a small change in one character’s story can add depth and complexity to the screenplay without necessarily altering the overall story.
CHARACTER PROFILES
JACK NEWMAN (LEAD, PROTAGONIST)
Core Traits: Feisty, self-reliant, a real wise-ass, likeable nevertheless.
Subtext Logline: Jack is a successful retiree who resents his kid for having forced him to move into an old folks’ home.
His mission: To recover his life savings, along with those of his friends
Character arc: Goes from being a rugged individualist to a team player
Beginning, middle and end: Jack gets swindled out of his life savings, makes a deal with the devil, as it were, and gets it back and more.
BLANCHE HAMBLETT (SUPPORT – Jack’s soon-to-be love interest)
Core Traits: Empathetic, emotionally intelligent, genuinely concerned about others, suffers from narcolepsy.
Subtext Logline: Blanche, an attractive widow who seems a bit young to be living in a retirement home, has a serious thing for Jack.
Her mission: To start a relationship with him.
Character arc: Overcomes her fear of confrontation to help Jack resolve his issues and win his heart
Beginning, middle and end: Blanche yearns for Jack, gets him to reconcile with his kids and fall in love with her.
GERTIE THOMAS (SUPPORT – one of Jack’s friends)
Core Traits: Razor-sharp, outspoken, talks like a millennial, not to be messed with.
Subtext Logline: Gertie is a wise-cracking computer whiz who, despite the walker, still thinks she’s eighteen.
Her mission: to get her savings back
Flaw: She’s a little too outspoken. Unlike Blanche, she’s all about confrontation.
Character arc: Blanche in reverse–when things are at their worst, instead of confrontation, she chooses kindness.
Beginning, middle and end: Gertie does what she can to help recover the group’s lost savings, but when all appears to be lost for the friends, she convinces Jack to mend fences with all of them.
FLORA FORBES (SUPPORT – married to Gertie)
Core Traits: Mild-mannered, artistically gifted, grandmotherly, has some serious memory issues
Subtext Logline: Flora’s your typical sweet old lady, but she has an unfortunate habit of speaking with her inside voice.
Her mission: to kill Connor
Flaw: It’s not her fault, but her memory issues make like difficult for both her and her friends.
Character arc: Seemingly the most helpless of the group, she ultimately proves to be the group’s Deus Ex Machina.
Beginning, middle and end: Although her efforts to solve the problem of Robin Connor frequently threaten to jeopardize the whole group, Flora’s the one who inadvertently saves the day.
ROBIN CONNOR (SUPPORT – ANTAGONIST)
Core Traits: Smart, impatient, narcissistic, sociopath
Subtext Logline: Connor is a smooth-talking conman who has swindled these four–and many others–out of their life savings.
His mission: to escape with his nest egg intact
Life Metaphor/Identity: Donald Trump with brains
Character Arc: Like most crooks, Connor’s impervious to change–which brings about his downfall.
Beginning, middle and end: After being arrested for fraud and finding himself trapped in an old folks’ home, Connor ultimately escapes–only to discover that he’s broke.
CHARACTER BEATS
JACK
ACT ONE
Jack’s discovered watching one of his old jewelry business commercials on YouTube in his room at Transitions, a retirement home.
Along with his friends, sees off his pal Wilf, who’s being moved to Departure Point, a dreary government-run old folks’ home.
He discovers that Robin Connor, his financial advisor, has swindled him and his friends out of their life savings.
He unexpectedly gets stuck with Connor as a roommate.
Plots with his friends to kill the catatonic Connor.
Jack takes Blanche out to dinner, tells her how he ended up living in Transitions.
Discovers that Connor’s faking his catatonia, strikes a deal with him to get their money back.
Jack and Blanche have sex.
ACT TWO
Jack and his friends arrange to get Connor’s diamond stash delivered to Jack.
The diamonds arrive. Jack & co. go off to divvy them up, but Jack’s nemesis Nurse Harper come in and takes Connor away for his nap.
Jack hears a gunshot, finds out Connor’s apparently been murdered.
Jack & co. discover that Connor’s unhurt, and Flora was the shooter(!).
Hides the diamonds from Nurse Harper in a bowl of pudding, which she promptly feeds to Connor.
Jack & Connor retrieve the stones, which soon vanish.
Jack has a meltdown, causing Flora to collapse and be taken to hospital.
ACT THREE
Jack apologizes to Gertie, who gives him some life advice.
Jack & co. initiate a frantic search for the diamonds.
Apologizes to Blanche for his behaviour. She takes him to see his estranged kids.
Discovers that Connor’s escaped with the stones, along with Jack’s wallet and passport.
Just as they’re all about to be evicted, Jack finds the real diamonds in a piece of jewelry that Flora’s working on. They’re rich!
Jack and the ladies film a commercial for Flora’s jewelry website.
CONNOR
ACT ONE
Connor, famous financial wizard is arrested for running a Ponzi scheme on his clients.
He collapses at his arraignment and is rushed to hospital, feigning catatonia.
When a riot breaks out outside the hospital, Connor’s spirited away to Transitions.
He learns that Jack and his friends are planning to kill him.
Strikes a deal with Jack–$5 million in diamonds in if they help Connor escape.
ACT TWO
Connor keeps up the catatonia act when his lawyer shows up to transfer him to another facility.
Connor & the others go to the gym to divvy up the diamonds when they’re interrupted by Nurse Harper.
Someone takes a potshot at him while he’s napping.
Harper wheels Connor into the common room, untouched.
Jack hides the diamonds in a bowl of pudding that Harper then feeds to Connor.
Connor’s lawyer arrives to announce that the charges against him have been dropped.
Jack and Connor get the diamonds back.
Just as he and Jack are about to divide them up, the diamonds vanish.
ACT THREE
Connor joins the search for the stones.
He finds them on a necklace on Flora’s jewelry website and buys them (with Jack’s credit card).
He convinces Nurse Harper to run off to Rio with him.
They take the necklace to a jeweller there, only to discover that the stones are fake.
BLANCHE
ACT ONE
Urges Jack to come and say goodbye to their friend Wilf, who’s been evicted.
Finds out she’s broke, tries to get her kids to take her in.
When Connor’s presence is revealed, she talks the others out of killing him.
Goes on a date with Jack, finds out that his kids forced him to sell his home and move to Transitions.
They have sex.
ACT TWO
Overhears Jack’s kids talking about his move to Departure Point, the dump that Wilf has been moved into.
Promises Jack’s kids that she’ll get him to talk to them.
Tries to broach the subject with Jack, but he shuts her down.
Discovers that Connor’s eaten the diamonds and helps with the retrieval effort.
When the stones disappear and Jack hurls abuse at her for messing with his business, she storms out.
ACT THREE
Jack apologizes to Blanche. She softens.
With Blanche’s help, Jack makes up with his kids.
Blanche joins Gertie & Flora, performing in Jack’s new commercial.
GERTIE
ACT ONE
Goes with the other to see Wilf off at Departure Point.
Like the others, learns that Connor has swindled them out of their savings.
Sets up a website for Flora where she can sell her hand-made jewelry.
When Connor’s revealed, she suggests that they kill him.
ACT TWO
With Connor’s help, she arranges to have the $5 million in diamonds delivered to Jack.
In an attempt to remove Connor’s security anklet, she inadvertently sets it off.
ACT THREE
After Jack’s meltdown results in Flora being hospitalized, Gertie gives him some life advice.
Joins the search for the missing stones.
Takes part in Jack’s new TV commercial.
FLORA
ACT ONE
Joins the others for Wilf’s sendoff.
Learns that, like her friends, she’s broke.
Tries to convince Jack to start up with Blanche.
Offers to blow Connor away with her .38. The others think she’s imagining things.
Runs into Jack & Blanche as they’re about to have sex. They remind Flora that they’re not planning to kill Connor anymore.
ACT TWO
Someone tries to murder Connor in his bed.
When Connor’s brought into the common room unhurt, Flora remembers that she’s the one who tried to kill him and pulls out her .38.
When the diamonds disappear and Jack has his meltdown, Flora passes out and is hospitalized.
ACT THREE
Flora joins the search for the diamonds, but isn’t much help.
Shows off her latest piece to Connor on her website–a “faux” diamond necklace. Connor recognizes the stones.
As they wait for the bus to Departure Point, Jack discovers the diamonds in Flora’s hands. She’s saved them all!
Flora joins the others in Jack’s commercial.
Early on in the character breakdown process, I realized that Blanche’s character seemed a little thin. I had more trouble putting her profile together than the others, and soon identified the problem–I needed to raise the stakes for her. Despite her distaste for confrontation, I needed to find a way to make her more assertive. There were hints in the story that she was basically the group’s moral compass, but they weren’t strong enough. This change didn’t have any effect on the overall story, but will come in handy when I get to working on dialogue, as I plan to have her take the lead in shooting down the “let’s murder Connor” idea, and have her give Jack more pushback when he freaks out at her for meddling with his kids when the diamonds vanish. This also means that Jack’s going to have to work harder at winning her back, which is all to the good.
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Hey Doug; fleshing out is looking good. I found the “diamond” necklace story a bit confusing…did Flora know the diamonds are real when she used them in the picture Conner saw? Did she substitute fake for real knowingly…if so, how does this play with her memory problems? What did zi miss in the story? If so – how would it be if Gerty – the sharp one – managed it – to get back at Conner? Just wondering.
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It’s quite clear, I think, when you read the screenplay, but no, neither Flora nor Gertie are aware that these are the real diamonds. It turns out that Flora’s the one who picked up the diamonds when they disappeared, but has no memory of it. Connor’s the only one who manages to put it together when he sees the necklace on their website; what he doesn’t realize is that the diamonds on it are fake. Flora just liked the necklace so much that she decided to make one for herself, using the real diamonds without realizing what they were or where they came from.
The idea of Gertie spotting the diamonds first and using that fact against Connor is very interesting, but it complicates the “all is lost” moment where the friends realize that, once again, they’ve been ripped off by Connor and are left with nothing. However, it’s certainly food for thought…
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Thanks, Patricia. It’s quite clear when you read the screenplay, but no, neither Flora nor Gertie are aware that these are the real diamonds. It turns out that Flora’s the one who picked up the diamonds when they disappeared, but she has no memory of it. Connor’s the only one who manages to put it together when he sees the necklace for sale on their website; what he doesn’t realize is that the “diamonds” on it are fake. Flora just liked the necklace so much that she decided to make one for herself, using the real diamonds without realizing what they were or where they came from.
The idea of Gertie spotting the diamonds first and using that fact against Connor is very interesting, but it complicates the “all is lost” moment where the friends realize that, once again, they’ve been ripped off by Connor and are left with nothing. However, it’s certainly food for thought…
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