Lesson 5

[Ed Lusk]

Ed’s Character Story Beats.

What I learned doing this lesson is how educational this exercise is to my overall story. By breaking out each main’s character story reveals many gaps, and opportunities to improve character and overall story and emotional beats. I’ve discovered a lot of work is needed as a result – let’s celebrate!

START: LESSON 5 – ELEVATE CHARACTER’S STORIES

1. Character Name: Father Simon Merchant – PROTAGONIST

Role: Jesuit Priest and expert virologist

Core Character Traits:

High Intelligence /Scientific Acumen

Guilt ridden

Compassionate

Physically Fit

Character Subtext LogLine: Merchant is an intelligent person seeking to do what is right yet is conflicted over what is required of him by God and his peers.

Character Arc: Merchant finds his faith and scientific intellect challenged beyond comprehension until he realizes combining them is the way to salvation.

Secret: He’s conflicted about his vow of Chasity and his feelings towards Olivia.

Mission/Agenda: Merchant will redeem himself over his mother’s death by saving his friends and the world from the vampire illness.

Wants?Needs?: Understand his purpose in life. Need, to sincerely believe. Want, cure the vampires, Need, protect Olivia, the only other women in his life.

What makes this character unique? He’s a paradox, a conflict of doubt and faith, rationalism and spirituality, conflict over guilt, forgiving himself, while being forgiven. He has trepidations yet a strong resolve.

BEGINNING – Father Merchant learns from Father O’Hara and Father Collini The Vatican studies vampires and what causes them is a virus, per O’Hara or exorcism, per Collini.

MIDDLE – Merchant figures out using Father Collins’s ancient scrolls and Olivia’s note, to cure the vampire requires a vaccine created from DNA taken from the Spear of Destiny, if it even exists.

END – Merchant , saves Olivia from vampires, exorcises the vampire virus from diabolical Jesus, ending the vampire pandemic and accepts his love for Olivia.

MERCHANT’S STORY BEATS:

ACT ONE

Merchant is summoned to the Vatican under mysterious circumstances. Olivia, his assistant won’t allow him. Merchant feels guilty because he has Senate hearing coming up for Director NIH nomination. Merchant decides to go because of a higher calling.

Merchant is confuse why Olivia is hurt she is not allowed in the Vatican and why Merchant didn’t stand up for her more.

Merchant, in a secret Vatican lab, meets Father O’Hara, lead scientist, Father Collini, an exorcist, and Tomislov, a vampire. Merchant learns he was brought to the Vatican to perform vaccine trials to cure the virus that causes vampirism.

Merchant tries to work but fights with Norcross, revealing suppressed feelings and desires he has for her.

Merchant’s first trial goes horribly wrong, destroying Tomislav, injuring O’Hara and setting free the vampire virus.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

Merchant’s shaken, made worse by the appearance of Olivia’s old flam Le Nguyen. Merchant pacifies Olivia telling her what is going on.

Merchant goes back to the lab, he’s attacked by a vampire, O’Hara and Collini help fight off. In the struggle Merchant is stabbed by his own trial vaccine syringe.

In a coma, Merchant hallucinates, or divinely, meets Loyola Ignatius, who convinces Merchant using a test of faith, and visit to his trouble past, witness his mother’s assault, he must over come his doubts and believe in good over evil.

Merchant awakens, Collini is knocked out , his apartment ransacked. Merchant learns from Collini Olivia has been taken by the vampires . Merchant finds in his hand a strange note from Olivia.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

Merchant shares with Collini what he was told in his coma dream, quoting verbatim some ancient text. Merchant learns Collini has ancient scrolls that contain the same text Merchant was told by Loyola. Merchant hatches a plan to get the Spear of Destiny.

Merchant pleads with Swiss Guard to allow him access to Spear of Destiny which Swiss Guard denies exists. Merchant negotiates a plan for Cardinal Michelet to ask the pope for it.

Merchant back in lab showing Collini how the vampire vaccine works. Le Nguyen enters, all bloodied, Merchant learns from Le Cardinal Michelet not only dead but a vampire sympathizer.

Merchant and Le Nguyen is placed in jail for the murder of Cardinal Michelet. Merchant learns from Le how Olivia truly feels about him. They are freed by Collini.

Merchant finds the Spear of Destiny. While doing so battle O’Hara, in his vampire state killing him.

Merchant back in lab using DNA off the Spear to concoct a vaccine of science and faith to be used on Yofiel the leader of vampires.

Merchant and the vampires square off with Yofiel and the vampire nest in the Vatican catacombs

Merchant uses his new vaccine to transforms Yofiel into his human form -that of Longinus the Roman Centurion.

Merchant summons the spirit of Jesus, then uses an ancient exorcism learned from Collini to remove the evil spirit in Christ’s body setting free the body to join the soul in heaven.

Merchant does not show up for his Senate hearing for NIH Director nomination

Merchant on Potomac river, rowing like a madman trying to escape something we can not see.

Merchant is back in Georgetown only to once again see the vampire virus in his microscope as it devours the cells under the slide.

END ACT THREE

Improvement to make:

The relationship between Merchant and Olivia needs elevation. Their first scene needs show us more about the complex relationship for a better payoff in the climax. Emotions must run higher. Merchant will express his trait of guilt for his compassion misunderstood as patronizing by Olivia.

2. Character: Father Gerald O’Hara – ANTAGONIST

Role: Head of Vatican’s Institute for Occult Studies.

Core Character Traits:

Shrewd, Politically Motivated

Skeptical when it comes to the occults

Arrogant (always right)

Can’t be trusted (Devious)

Character Subtext LogLine: Father O’Hara convinces others occult phenomena can be scientifically proven, while he secretly manipulates the diabolical for his own rise to power.

Secret: He’s in cahoots with the vampires trying to find a vaccine allowing them to exist in sunlight.

What makes this character unique? His a priest with a strong inclination toward villainy.

Want & Needs: Want to discover scientific solution to vampires. Needs to believe science is the ultimate solution to life’s problems. Want to live up to his reputation, Need to be justly recognized.

His World View, science is the answer, use the church as a smoke screen to power.

BEGINNING – Father O’Hara meets Father Merchant, they distrust each other immediately. O’Hara reveals reveals Merchant is invited to the Vatican because the Pope needs him, over O’Hara, to cure the vampire virus, bruising his ego and making an enemy.

MIDDLE – O’Hara is double crossed by Cardinal Michelet in a power play for his allegiance with the vampires.

END – Father O’Hara, transformed as a vampire, is killed by his old friend father Collini, who kicks O’Hara into a pool of holy water, dissolving him.

FIRST ACT

O’Hara meets Merchant outside the institute. Strings Merchant along until shocking him with the existence of Tomilav, the vampire.

O’Hara reveals to Merchant the reason he is here is to run vaccine trials for a vampire vaccine. O’Hara takes pride in upsetting the world famous Merchant.

O’Hara argues with his friend Collini over the origin of the virus. O’Hara needs to demonstrate his knowledge it great than anyone else’s.

O’Hara allows Merchant to administer the vaccine. Which he is pleased is a total failure, except he is injured in the test, being exposed to the virus himself.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

O’Hara joins Collini in front of an incredulous curia of Cardinals regarding the failed test. The Cardinal’s accusations only fuels his contempt for Vatican politics.

While helping Merchant fight off an escaped vampire, the vampire makes statements exposing O’Hara has a possible accomplice, raising Merchant’s suspicions.

O’Hara is bitten by the vampire. Collini has him placed in the observation cell. O’Hara’s fate unknown.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

O’Hara, locked in his cell, is visited by Father Milszewski. O’Hara convinces Milszewski to let him out. Freed, O’Hara, now as a vampire, unleashes the laboratory animals on Milszeski, who rip him to shreds.

O’Hara is in his apartment, in his vampire state working furiously at a small lab. Cardinal Michelet pays him a visit. We learn, O’Hara is tasked by the Cardinal to create a vaccine to allow vampire’s to exist in sunlight.

O’Hara demonstrates on a young vampire for Michelet the vaccine does work. Michelet shoves the unvaccinated O’Hara out onto a balcony where he burst not flames and falls over the railing.

O’Hara shows up, charred and smoldering, to stop Merchant from stealing the Spear of Destiny. O’Hara’s kicked into a pool of holy water by Collini. O’Hara expires.

END ACT THREE

Improvements to make – O’Hara is not measuring up to his traits. He’s not coming across as shrewd and politically motivated enough in his scenes to give us an idea of his other motivations.

O’Hara and Merchant need more conflict between the two.

There’s a question as to who is truly the antagonist. O’Hara?, Yofiel or the vampires themselves. This is a general story question that needs answering.

3. Character Name: Father Paolo Collini – SUPPORTING CHARACTER FOR PROTAGONIST

Role: Priest specializing is the occult and exorcist

Character Subtext Logline: Father Collini seeks to serve mankind by defeating evil through his devote faith and scholarly wisdom.

Core Character Traits:

A true erudite

Good natured

Strong loyalty

A paternal nature

Doddering

Stickler for rules

Character Subtext Longline: Father Collini is naive when it comes to the of the machinations of the Vatican but resolute when caring for his friends and encountering challenges to his faith.

Life Metaphor: Soccer is not just a game, it’s a solution to the world’s problems.

Needs & Want, defeat vampirism, wants to protect the church and his friends. Need defeat evil, wants, to validate faith. Needs, find compromise, wants a peaceful world.

What makes this character unique? Father Collini, a fatherly figure, rapid soccer van is a bad ass exorcist and loyal friend.

Secret: His own stash of ancient scrolls referencing the occult and debunking myths.

BEGINING – Father Collini welcomes Father Merchant to the Vatican and introduces Merchant to the Institute for Occult Studies, where he is the expert in exorcisms and ancient vampire fables.

MIDDLE – Collini, lacks faith in Merchant’s idea of using the Spear of Destiny , however, agrees to go along with him. Collini kills his old friend, O’Hara, an act of sympathy, freeing him of the vampire possessing him.

END – Collini is stabbed by a vaccine meant for a vampire killing him in a gory bodily explosion.

ACT ONE

Collini welcomes Father Merchant to the Vatican. The two take a liking to one another. He upsets Olivia, sending her back to the hotel.

Collini escorts Merchant down to the Institute of Occults Studies introducing Merchant to Father O’Hara and the vampire called Tomislav.

Collini assist Merchant in the first vaccine trial, witnessing the horrible results and the injury of his friend O’Hara.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

Collini tries to calm Merchant down over the tragic events at the trial.

Collini tries to pacify the curia of Cardinals, out for political points, with tales of the vampires and their role in the history of the Church. None of which appease the Cardinals or help his cause.

Collini and O’Hara help Merchant fight off a vampire, witnessing his friend Merchant stabbed by a vaccine and O’Hara infected by a vampire virus.

Collini insist, over Olivia’s objections, that Merchant stay in his apartment while he nurses Merchant back from the effects of the accidental vaccination.

Collini shows Olivia secret ancient scrolls who’s text raises, Olivia, the cryptologist, curiosity.

When Merchant awakens he finds Collini knocked out. Collini is revived by Merchant. He informs Merchant that Olivia has been taken away.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

Collini listens to Merchant’s telling of what he experienced under the affects of the vaccine. Collini determines must be hallucinatory properties until Merchant recites a text matching what in on one of his scrolls.

Collini shares with Merchant what he showed Olivia, sparking Merchant into an idea of where they may find the source of the vampire virus. One Collini finds to be madness.

Collini agrees to go with Merchant to save Olivia and find the Spear of Destiny, if to actually exists.

Collini encounters his old friend O’Hara is a terrible state of vampire and burned up. He kicks O’Hara into a pool of holy water putting and end to his suffering.

Collini is killed by a vampire trying to save Merchant and Olivia

END ACT THREE

Some improvements to make. Collini needs to be a stronger character between Merchant – a father figure to him, and jealous rival to Olivia, who sees Collini competing or Merchant’s attention.

Need to play up more his close relationship to O’Hara so that when he mercy kills O’Hara they is more of an emotional reaction to his actions.

Collini’s the most lovable character so that trait needs to be played up as much a possible in every scene.

4. Character Name: Olivia Norcross – CONNECTING CHARACTER

Role: Father Merchant’s Graduate Assistant and temptress

Core Character Traits:

Attraction to forbidden fruits (strong men)

Demureness

Assertive

Stubborn

An Egalitarian

Clever

Character Subtext Longline: Olivia studies under Merchant not for the benefit of his acumen but for his allure.

Secret: Oliva is torn between her feeling for Le Nguyen, former college BF, available but complications (she aborted his baby), and Simon Merchant, unavailable yet perfect for her.

Something she does not want to admit: She seeks self-sufficiency yet wants a man in her life who provides a level of security she won’t deny is gratifying.

Needs/Wants – Needs to play a bigger role in Merchant’s life. Wants him to leave the church for her.

BEGINING – Olivia tries to lure/convince Merchant from going to the Vatican because his upcoming senate hearings for the director of NIH is more important . She’s hurt Merchant choose the higher calling over her.

MIDDLE Olivia is taken hostage by Cardinal Michelet for the vampire’s sacrifice on Easter Sunday.

END – Olivia is kissed passionately by Father Merchant on top of Saint Peters Basilica on Easter morning.

ACT ONE

Olivia tries to convince Merchant his senate confirmation hearing is more important than a letter form there Vatican requesting his immediate presence there.

Olivia is concerned overt Merchant’s restless sleep on the plane to Rome. He’s a troubled man she’s wants to fix.

Olivia is pissed off she won’t be allowed to enter the Vatican with Merchant, claiming it typical male dominated world BS she’s tired of. She hatches her own revenge plot, meeting up with old college flame Le Nguyen.

Olivia shocked when Merchant returns from the Vatican, a confused mess of a man. She insist they return to Georgetown immediately but is overruled by Collini.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

Olivia is joined by Le Nguyen at the hotel, a act of revenge by Olivia, irritating Merchant even more. Olivia goes out with Le, as an act of rebellion.

Olivia is distraught when Merchant is brought back to the hotel by Collini and Father Milszewski, after being stabbed by his own vampire vaccine. She insist he go to hospital, but again is overruled only adding to her worry and anger.

Olivia is taken away by Cardinal Michelet.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

Olivia is lead through the catacombs by Michelet. She realizes Michelet can’t be trusted. She knees Michelet in the nuts and runs off.

Olivia finds herself in a labyrinth with no way out. Michelet is at one end and Yofiel, the vampire at the other. She taken away screaming for Merchant to help her.

Olivia tied up between pillars in the ruins of an ancient pagan temple used by the vampires. She terrified that she’s going to be sacrificed and the vampires are frothing over the news.

Olivia is rescued by Merchant. She assist Merchant in an exorcism that frees Yofiel of the vampire virus. She’s shocked he transforms back to a Roman Centurion.

Olivia is kissed by Father Merchant at the top of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

Back in Georgetown Olivia is terrified to see Merchant has again discovered the vampire virus under his microscope.

Overall Olivia’s role needs elevation. She’s not yet meeting the temptress role she’s designated for. She’s the link between vampires (evil) and Merchant (good) requires more emphasis on how she uses Collins’s scrolls in providing the missing link.

Olivia needs more presence in Act Two to elevate her rescue by Merchant and death of Le Nguyen in Act Three.

Her overall role in the relationship between Le Nguyen, Merchant and Collini all needs elevation and emotional content on what these relationships mean to her.

5. Character Name: Yofiel – SUPPORTING CHARACTER FOR ANTAGONIST

Role: The leader of the vampires

Core Traits:

Evilness

Cunning

Political /Strategic

Adaptable

Intimidating

Character Subtext Logline: Immortality is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Secret: He inhabits the body once belonging to a roman centurion.

Worldview: Use whatever means available to destroy the church and all god’s creation.

Flaw: underestimating humans.

What makes this character unique: He has a secret longing to be free of his infliction

BEGINNING – Yofiel makes an appearance in the shadows of a Vatican City ally during Palm Sunday terrifying a young boy who happens to get a glimpse of him.

MIDDLE – Yofiel visits Cardinal Michelet reminding him of he fails in his attempt to stop Merchant and does not deliver the vaccine allowing vampires to exist in sunlight that Michelet will not become Pope and will join Yofiel in hell.

END -Yoffiel is cursed by Merchant of vampirism using ancient exorcism. He transforms bak to Roman Centurion Longinus and then raises into heaven.

ACT ONE

Yofiel terrifies a young boy who spots him in a Vatican alley on Palm Sunday.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

Yofiel visits Cardinal Michelet delivering his threat on the Cardinal he won’t be Pope and will be die a horrible death if Michelet does not deliver on their deal.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

Yofiel pumps up the vampires with the news Olivia is here for a sacrifice and he has the vaccine that will allow them to exist in the sunlight.

Yofiel takes custody of Olivia from Michelet.

Yofiel battles Merchant and looses.

Yofiel is transformed back into the Roman Centurion Longinus by Merchant’s exorcism and ascends into heaven.

END ACT THREE

Improvement Notes – Oh Yofiel, what to do with him. One thing about my story is confirming who the chief antagonist is. Yofiel could be a candidate but better off as support the true antagonist – O’Hara, as O’Hara interacts more with Merchant and exhibits more human qualities and conflicts.

I’ll work Yofiel into more scenes where there are vampire attacks, given his role as leader. He needs to be more “likable” to make his surprise transformation more emotional moment.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Character Story Beats

WIL: ~w0w~ to me: The concept of the change agent, and necessity to have a main character, made me think about LUCY, Victoria and Mike’s 4 year old daughter, is the character brought who will become the CHANGE AGENT. She is loved by everyone, everyone is looking out for her in their own distorted way. She is kidnapped is a story about kidnapping. What a great idea to bring the story out a bit from a child’s perspective to build empathy and suspense.

SIDE NOTE: This story will have a huge background presence in the world of human trafficking with the big profound moment at the end when the villain not only survive, not only takes over the human trafficking ring, but announces his bid for state congress. I connected with another SU classmate who has been researching human trafficking for 20 years!!!

And my friends wonder what the hell I do on my laptop all day.

VICTORIA

LOGLINE of VICTORIA LOVE INTEREST obviously a looker in her day now weathered by too high of expectations leading to disappointments.

Role in the story Single mother Victoria (Victory in Latin) is caught in the middle of her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike* who seems to killing off his kidnapping suspects while her new billionaire/defense attorney boyfriend $Bob$ appears to be the kidnapping ring leader. Her daughter disappears. She has to rise up against all her traits to save her daughter.

Flaw – she relies on men for support and life decisions.

Want/Need – to be simply a mother

Mission/Agenda – she must manipulate her ex-husband, current boyfriend and Mexican gang to save her daughter with no skills.

Character Arc (if any) Meek and insecure, all is hopeless, she pulls it together, saves her daughter, rejoins her daughter in a simple life

Secret -. She is of Mexican decent and connected to the Mexican Gangsters. both Sheriff Mike’s side/kick deputy and Billionaire boyfriend Bob’s driver are her cousins.

Subtext Logline – Victoria is sweet, caring, and honest to a fault. She learns to lie. Then she learns to lie in her caring.

BEGINNING Victoria tries to keep peace between her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike and her new romantic pursuit Billionaire Bob.

MIDDLE Victoria suspects Mike may be the serial killer killing off his kidnapping suspects and Bob may be the ringleader of the kidnapping ring.

Her daughter disappears.

She is caught in the midst of Mike and Bob’s battle.

END She manipulates Mike and Bob in attempts for them to destroy each other.

She gets the Mexican gangsters to save the kidnapped children.

She is reunited with her daughter Lucy.

VICTORIA’S BEATS:

————-

MIKE* Sheriff MIKE*, (apparent HERO) 50, going on 70. His shoulders slump to one side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing it, all under the hair of a fashion magazine cover.

Flaw -Being sheriff too long has made him overly bold, mistakenly confident in his abilities, and too loyal to marginal friends.

Want/Need –Save his daughter, make his late father proud, reunite his family with Victoria, have his grandkids grow up at the mansion he inherited from his father.

Mission/Agenda - to find the kidnappers and serial killer

Secret- he is dying of cancer, he may actually be the serial killer killing off his kidnapping suspects – the story ends without a clear answer.

Something they don't want to admit about themselves: he is way out of his league opposing billionaire Bob. His mansion is in ruins.

BEGINNING Mike finds his kidnapping suspects are being killed by a serial killer using ZIPTIES. He suspects Bob is the king pin.

MIDDLE He finds proof Bob is kidnapping ring leader and lays a trap.

Mike gets arrested for being the ringleader and the serial killer killing of competition.

END Mike escapes into protection of Mexican Gangsters.

Mike has final showdown with Bob who shoots and kills Mike.

Mike escapes into protection of Mexican Gangsters.

Mike has final showdown with Bob who shoots and kills Mike.

MIKE’S BEATS

Mike is at a murder scene with slashing and a ziptie around victim’s neck.

Mike engages Bob$ in front of Victoria, both accusing each other. Bob outclasses him badly.

Bob$ goes to Mike’s office to become partners in fighting kidnapping ring. Mike smells the rat.

————–

BOB$

BEGINNING

MIDDLE

END

BEATS

Bob makes a fool out of Mike at the beach in front of Victoria.

Bob tries to convince Mike that he can give Mike a lot of kidnapping insider info. Mike says Bob is just trying to get rid of competition.

Bob takes Victoria on a billionaire’s sunset chase on his yacht and jet.

Victoria steals Bob’s briefcase with incriminating evidence he is involved with the kidnappers.

Bob convinces Victoria he only wanted to get the evidence into Mike’s hand to better his chase of the kidnappers.

We find out Bob IS the kidnapping ring leader. Victoria does not know.

Bob admits to Mike he does have daughter Lucy. Victoria is secretly listening on Mike’s phone. Bob shoots Mike.

Bob takes credit for the overturn of the kidnappers and saving the children. It was actually Victoria putting the Mexican Gangsters to the task.

Bob announces he is running for State Assembly or District Attorney.

——————

MAYOR

BEATS:

Shows loyalty to Mike.

Shrugs off attempts by Bob to join his “operation,”

Gets blackmailed by Bob$ to join kidnapping ring.

Introduces Bob$ to the human trafficking operation which is huge.

Mike gives incriminating evidence that Bob$ is the kidnapper and maybe more to his trusted friend Mayor. Mayor betrays Mike by telling Bob$ about evidence.

Mayor announces on tv that Mike is being arrested for kidnapping and being the serial killer killing off competition.

Mayor gets blown up along with Victoria’s house he thought he just bought at a foreclosure auction.

—————

LUCY, Victoria and Mike’s 4-year-old daughter is the character brought who will become the CHANGE AGENT. She is loved by everyone, everyone is looking out for her in their own distorted way. She is kidnapped is a story about kidnapping. What a great idea to bring the story out a bit from a child’s perspective to build empathy and suspense.

BEGINNING She steps in the middle of a conflict between Mike and Bob melting them, all attempt to not upset her.

MIDDLE – she is kidnapped. We find she is safe with people she knows. Parents don’t know. Must find a way to keep her in story with false security and ever presence of danger.

END – We find out it was Bob who kidnapped her holding her captive in his penthouse condo.

Lucy is reunited with her mother Victoria

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.