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Lesson 5
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Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”
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Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”Module 4 Lesson 4: Basic Plotting
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment: to use logic when dealing with the beats…almost a “fill in the blanks” approach if a doesn’t result from B – i.e. looking for holes in the logic.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of basic plotting.
Beginning to end: The Beat Sheet should show Pappy’s constant bearing down on GM’s plans and that he actually gets in her way more than helps…most of the time.
The beat sheet should show Sally’s constant nagging of Pappy to shun GM’s friendship.
Working forward:
GM begins to make friends in the retirement facility and my beats don’t show that. GM’s former occupation was as a counselor in a local middle school. She’s used to handling problems and giving advice. Occasionally her friends ask for her advice…all in a casual way…but it can lead to the advice column.
GM & Sam work in secret on the computer project initially so that her success comes as a surprise to her new friends. The writing should be there for the audience to see, but not for GM’s friends in Shady Acres.
The beat sheet should probably show the residents stringing beads and knitting mittens so that when the first business sets up a market outside Shady Acres one thing causes another. THEN , we can see how and why that first business fails.
GM works with Sam on the computer. She is thrilled to be freed from a heavy typewriter and finds the easy communication so satisfying. In Act 4 She checks out the checks she receives from the news outlets and can’t believe what’s happening. She has Pappy to drive her to the bank occasionally.
Before the final party we see GM all dressed up in a lovely outfit and wiggle around trying to take a selfie of herself. She finally gives up and we see her funny looking picture.
Working backwards:
GM can’t just surprise with her overnight success without working on the computer to send out the advice columns…
The business can’t just fail without showing the business and how and why it fails. The residents have been busy making beads and knitting hats and mittens. The market is in the summertime, and the hats and mittens are out of season and the beads are all so big nobody wants to wear them. Shoppers are looking for presents for their grandchildren or adult children, and people don’t wear beads like that anymore.
In Act 1 GM must make moves to make new friends…so that she can form groups to start the business.
Turning points:
For Pappy and GM to have a love relationship they must get to know each other better and have more contact. Throughout the movie Pappy woos GM in his own way…bossing her around, being grumpy and then in a turnaround sending her flowers. She cries with sentimentality when she gets the flowers.
Sally needs to know her father is soft on GM before Sally warns him to stay away from GM. Sonny, GM’s adult son and Sam’s father, picks Sam up in the afternoons at GM’s…and he and Sally need to have a few exchanges so that they can have the last line in the resolution. Sonny asks, “Do you think he’s after her money?”
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Module 4 Lesson 5:Character Action Tracks
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
VISION: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I know my characters.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of writing my movie script.
First beat:
GM, a retired counselor in middle school who is now a handsome woman in her 70’s, arrives at Shady Acres. As she enters the lobby she follows behind a tiredwoman pushing a walker with a grocery bag on the walker and as she walks oranges spill out, one at a time and beginning rolling across the floor. The woman is unaware. GM is behind her, and she picks up the oranges as they spill out of the woman’s bag, and returns them to the woman. Pappy ssits in the lobby behind his newspaper but observes this….and just before the woman rolls her walker away after taking the oranges from GM Pappy sticks his cane in front of her to stop her, and says, “Say thank you.” The woman with the walker turns to GM, says, “thank you,” and then rolls on away with her walker.
GM looks at Pappy, and laughs and says, “thank YOU.”
PAPPY says, “No worries,” goes back behind his newspaper and pays no more attention to GM until she walks away. Then he pulls the paper away from his face and follows her with his eye across the lobby to the elevator.
In the future, after GM makes friends at Shady Acres and presents a program about starting a business, the woman with the walker comes up and says, “I never thanked you properly that day for picking up all my oranges.” She & GM are instant friends and laugh. Pappy, throughout the movie, becomes less stiff and more warm to GM. He can even say, some day, “I’m waiting for you to spill your oranges in the lobby so I can pick them all up for you.” GM, ever the independent soul advises Pappy to “mind his own garden.”
GM mees with groups and starts her own business. When she meets with the first group nobody shows up except Pappy. Sally, Pappy’s daughter, is standing outside the door and meets with her father telling him to stay away from that gold digger.
The market, held on the street outside of Shady Acres, is a major failure. People stop their cars and come over to look at the wares GM and her friends have on tables outside ShadyAcres, but when they see old fashioned gloves or mittens in the dead of summer, or odd-looking wooden beaded necklaces lying around the shoppers leave immediately. In the last scene of the movie, as the residents are celebrating in the lobby of Shady Acres, most of the women are wearing long wooden beads…obviously the ones they didn’t sell at the market.
Throughout the movie people ask GM for advice…..simple questions….and she give them simple answers. She even confides to Pappy that it’s just like middle school there at Shady Acres. People are the same everywhere. People just need other people…and that’s what most questions are about.
GM & Sam work on the computer project. She tells him a few times that he is so smart and so competent , that he can do anything, and that she’s just so proud of him. He says to her, one afternoon, just before he goes home, “I’m proud of you, too, GM. You can do anything.” GM sheds tears…. Says a few things into her dead husband’s picture….about their wonderful family.
I am considering having GM talk to her late husband’s picture throughout the movie. That’s rather like looking into her mind…the subtext of her life. Just a thought.
Throughout the movie Sam and GM work on the computer….and throughout the movie GM gives simple advice when asked…Pappy make fun of her and calls her GM’s advice corner. When the great reveal happens and GM confesses that she has made a fortune with her world wide news contacts on her advice column she confesses it has been title “Grandma’s Advice Corner.” Pappy, ever expressive with his cane, punches his cane toward the ceiling of the room and yells, “Yes.”Module 4 Lesson 5:Character Action Tracks
Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501
VISION: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I know my characters.
State/Activity: I am absolutely capable of writing my movie script.
First beat:
GM, a retired counselor in middle school who is now a handsome woman in her 70’s, arrives at Shady Acres. As she enters the lobby she follows behind a tiredwoman pushing a walker with a grocery bag on the walker and as she walks oranges spill out, one at a time and beginning rolling across the floor. The woman is unaware. GM is behind her, and she picks up the oranges as they spill out of the woman’s bag, and returns them to the woman. Pappy ssits in the lobby behind his newspaper but observes this….and just before the woman rolls her walker away after taking the oranges from GM Pappy sticks his cane in front of her to stop her, and says, “Say thank you.” The woman with the walker turns to GM, says, “thank you,” and then rolls on away with her walker.
GM looks at Pappy, and laughs and says, “thank YOU.”
PAPPY says, “No worries,” goes back behind his newspaper and pays no more attention to GM until she walks away. Then he pulls the paper away from his face and follows her with his eye across the lobby to the elevator.
In the future, after GM makes friends at Shady Acres and presents a program about starting a business, the woman with the walker comes up and says, “I never thanked you properly that day for picking up all my oranges.” She & GM are instant friends and laugh. Pappy, throughout the movie, becomes less stiff and more warm to GM. He can even say, some day, “I’m waiting for you to spill your oranges in the lobby so I can pick them all up for you.” GM, ever the independent soul advises Pappy to “mind his own garden.”
GM mees with groups and starts her own business. When she meets with the first group nobody shows up except Pappy. Sally, Pappy’s daughter, is standing outside the door and meets with her father telling him to stay away from that gold digger.
The market, held on the street outside of Shady Acres, is a major failure. People stop their cars and come over to look at the wares GM and her friends have on tables outside ShadyAcres, but when they see old fashioned gloves or mittens in the dead of summer, or odd-looking wooden beaded necklaces lying around the shoppers leave immediately. In the last scene of the movie, as the residents are celebrating in the lobby of Shady Acres, most of the women are wearing long wooden beads…obviously the ones they didn’t sell at the market.
Throughout the movie people ask GM for advice…..simple questions….and she give them simple answers. She even confides to Pappy that it’s just like middle school there at Shady Acres. People are the same everywhere. People just need other people…and that’s what most questions are about.
GM & Sam work on the computer project. She tells him a few times that he is so smart and so competent , that he can do anything, and that she’s just so proud of him. He says to her, one afternoon, just before he goes home, “I’m proud of you, too, GM. You can do anything.” GM sheds tears…. Says a few things into her dead husband’s picture….about their wonderful family.
I am considering having GM talk to her late husband’s picture throughout the movie. That’s rather like looking into her mind…the subtext of her life. Just a thought.
Throughout the movie Sam and GM work on the computer….and throughout the movie GM gives simple advice when asked…Pappy make fun of her and calls her GM’s advice corner. When the great reveal happens and GM confesses that she has made a fortune with her world wide news contacts on her advice column she confesses it has been title “Grandma’s Advice Corner.” Pappy, ever expressive with his cane, punches his cane toward the ceiling of the room and yells, “Yes.”
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Margaret’s Action Tracks!
Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies
What I learned: I used AI to brainstorm possible actions based on the character’s profile. This tool helped me identify other areas where action could be taken.
AJ, Deeper Layer. Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)
PJ: Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.
PJ: Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery.
AJ Deeper Layer: By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick for she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.
Triangle: Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown.
PJ: Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies.
Triangle: Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid. Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.
PJ: Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.
PJ: On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.
AJ: Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.
PJ: Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious.
AJ: Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping.
PJ: A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.
AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy.
PJ: Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.
AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland.
AJ: Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked.
PJ: Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them.
PJ: At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.
PJ: Patrick’s parent beg him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They offer pleas to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland.
PJ: First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland.
Act 2:
New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.
PJ: New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.
AJ: Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick.
AJ: Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.
PJ: Patrick sets up crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God.
AJ: Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses.
AJ: Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way. She shapeshifts into a blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her.
PJ: Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.
Act 3.
PJ: Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him. One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts.
AJ: Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king.
Triangle: Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater.
AJ: Patrick attempts to evangelize the king but the king dies before turning to God.
PJ: Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God.
New Plan: Go after the High King!
REVEAL: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.
AJ: Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.
Triangle: Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan.
PJ: Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death.
PJ: Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith.
AJ: Morrigan sends snakes to attack Patrick.
PJ: Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland.
AJ: Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.
Act 4:
PJ: Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.
AJ, PJ: Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.
AJ: Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.
PJ: Morrigan is banished by the High King.
Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result i become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 5 Character Action Traits
What I have learned from this lesson is…The more defined the emotional responses the more the character will make sense and the scene will make sense.
Character: SFC Jerry Reese
Character Profiles: Smart, can be defiant, tricky and vengeful, Well liked,
Old Ways: Indifferent at times, rigid and often by the book, Well versed in tactics but people confuse him sometimes.
New Ways: Reese at the turning point of this script commits to the family and maybe even the end of his career. He risks his life and sometimes throws caution to the wind to save them.
Act 1: Before the Patrol, Reese and his men are getting ready for their patrol. Reese is by the book.
Emotional state: We see them men jokingly call him “Har Commadent” because he wants everything prepared and by the book. In the future he will still rely on Protocol, Procedures, and Tactics but good old fashioned intuition is essential too.
Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.
Emotional State: During the Patrol Reese spots the daisy chained M-122’s and realizes the market is set to blow. His street senses are at full alert.
A. His character’s emotional response is that he expects and demands compliance. Reese’s soldiering and street instincts kick in immediately along with his training.
In the future Reese will be more understanding of those around him who think outside the box since it saved him.
B. In the future Reese He will be more cautious dealing with Al-Sadar when he realizes he is up against a ruthless and capable opponent.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men.
C. After a mother and child are killed his response borders on indifferent. This angers the Interpreter who knew the mother and child. His daughter went to school with the victims. This can be best shown when Reese sees the interpreters Son or Daughter’s reaction to the news.
Emotional State: In the future Reese understand it isn’t just the soldiers who are paying the cost for this war but the Iraqi’s as well.
Reese is taunted by Al-Sadar who somehow has the interpreters number. The number is a burner phone Al-Sadar uses. Reese spots him on a balcony overlooking the park.
Emotional State:
D. Reese responds with rage and vengeance giving chase to Al-Sadar only to find out is was a set up he has led his men into. Reese out-thinks Al-Sadar and saves his men. He is reprimanded for his actions.
In the future Reese sees Al-Sadar as someone that must die.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.
Emotional State: He hesitates to let Reese know because he feels as though Reese is just a small part of the big machine and he will not fight for Him.
A. Ironically, when Reese finds out his response is totally unexpected. Reese sees this as a complete betrayal of the Interpreter and his family.
B. He gradually becomes defiant and suspicious of the system as a whole.
2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.
1. Emotional State: Reese did not believe he could be defeated by Al-Sadar but the QRF is the only thing that saved him. He realizes Al-Sadar is very capable.
A. He is now becoming obsessed with Al-Sadar. This obsession may blind him and put his safety and that of his soldiers at risk. He doesn’t care he must find Al-Sadar!
B. He leaves the wire at night to gather intel putting himself at risk.
Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Emotional State: When it comes to the State Department his relationship with the State Department and Ambassador Delaney, it has gone from comfortable and working to confrontational because of the family’s denial.
C. This only deepens his distrust in what he and his soldiers are doing in Iraq.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs.
Emotional State: The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children and cares for the family.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
Emotional State: This second attack has only deepened Reese’s commitment. There is no turning back.
A. This has only confirmed his belief that Al-Sadar must die before he kills the family. His obsession with Al-Sadar cannot be turned back. There is a frightening and destructive side to him now that can only be put to rest when Al-Sadar is dead.
B. Reese knows what he is about to do will draw the Ire of every official involved in the case and the end of his relationship with Ambassador Delaney. This is a matter of his soul he cannot ignore.
C. He must be deceptive in order to pull this off. A CODEL from several states visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. Reese convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa. Reese is threatened with administrative action.
Emotional State: Reese has now stepped over the line by taking the Congressman and his staff to the widow’s home. Even though is a world of hurt his conscience is clear.
D. He believes his career may be over but he no longer cares or respects a system that would let a women and her children die.
E. He also knows the Baghdad police are of no help. He does not trust them. If they stay behind they will die. He sees them as part of the problem.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like it is over and Reese and his men may be sent back stateside.
Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb.
Emotional State: Al-Sadar is his last and most important job. He is obsessed. It could kill him but he will never back down.
Reese and his men get information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men.
SFC Reese convinces his unit to give him and his men one last chance to bring down
A.Reese briefs his men. He tells them they are being sent back but they have one last mission, to kill Al-Sadar and his men and get the family on a plane. This is all that counts.
B. Those who go with him may face reprisals so it is their choice. The Soldiers back Reese and agree to go after Al-Sadar.
Emotional State: They either stop Al-Sadar or they go back with their tail tucked between their legs. Reese sees this as all or nothing, no in-betweens.
C. Al-Sadar. When an an epic street battle on Hifa street ensues, they find and kill him. Reese tells him the Medusa is dead motherfucker.
Emotional State: Reese has redeemed himself for the death of his brother.
D. The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave.
E. SFC Reese and his men escort the family to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
Emotional State. Reese is at peace for the first time since he left Brooklyn and more importantly with his family.
F. He can be seen calling his father and mother for the first time in years. They are happy to hear from him.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result i become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 5 Character Action Traits
What I have learned from this lesson is…The definition and emotional makeup of each scene and act is becoming more defined.
Character: SFC Jerry Reese
Character Profiles: Smart, can be defiant, tricky and vengeful, Well liked,
Old Ways: Indifferent at times, rigid and often by the book, Well versed in tactics but people confuse him sometimes.
New Ways: Reese at the turning point of this script commits to the family and maybe even the end of his career. He risks his life and sometimes throws caution to the wind to save them.
Act 1: Before the Patrol, Reese and his men are getting ready for their patrol. Reese is by the book.
Emotional state: We see them men jokingly call him “Har Commadent” because he wants everything prepared and by the book. In the future he will still rely on Protocol, Procedures, and Tactics but good old fashioned intuition is essential too.
Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.
Emotional State: During the Patrol Reese spots the daisy chained M-122’s and realizes the market is set to blow. His street senses are at full alert.
A. His character’s emotional response is that he expects and demands compliance. Reese’s soldiering and street instincts kick in immediately along with his training.
In the future Reese will be more understanding of those around him who think outside the box since it saved him.
B. In the future Reese He will be more cautious dealing with Al-Sadar when he realizes he is up against a ruthless and capable opponent.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men.
C. After a mother and child are killed his response borders on indifferent. This angers the Interpreter who knew the mother and child. His daughter went to school with the victims. This can be best shown when Reese sees the interpreters Son or Daughter’s reaction to the news.
Emotional State: In the future Reese understand it isn’t just the soldiers who are paying the cost for this war but the Iraqi’s as well.
Reese is taunted by Al-Sadar who somehow has the interpreters number. The number is a burner phone Al-Sadar uses. Reese spots him on a balcony overlooking the park.
Emotional State:
D. Reese responds with rage and vengeance giving chase to Al-Sadar only to find out is was a set up he has led his men into. Reese out-thinks Al-Sadar and saves his men. He is reprimanded for his actions.
In the future Reese sees Al-Sadar as someone that must die.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.
Emotional State: He hesitates to let Reese know because he feels as though Reese is just a small part of the big machine and he will not fight for Him.
A. Ironically, when Reese finds out his response is totally unexpected. Reese sees this as a complete betrayal of the Interpreter and his family.
B. He gradually becomes defiant and suspicious of the system as a whole.
2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.
1. Emotional State: Reese did not believe he could be defeated by Al-Sadar but the QRF is the only thing that saved him. He realizes Al-Sadar is very capable.
A. He is now becoming obsessed with Al-Sadar. This obsession may blind him and put his safety and that of his soldiers at risk. He doesn’t care he must find Al-Sadar!
B. He leaves the wire at night to gather intel putting himself at risk.
Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Emotional State: When it comes to the State Department his relationship with the State Department and Ambassador Delaney, it has gone from comfortable and working to confrontational because of the family’s denial.
C. This only deepens his distrust in what he and his soldiers are doing in Iraq.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs.
Emotional State: The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children and cares for the family.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
Emotional State: This second attack has only deepened Reese’s commitment. There is no turning back.
A. This has only confirmed his belief that Al-Sadar must die before he kills the family. His obsession with Al-Sadar cannot be turned back. There is a frightening and destructive side to him now that can only be put to rest when Al-Sadar is dead.
B. Reese knows what he is about to do will draw the Ire of every official involved in the case and the end of his relationship with Ambassador Delaney. This is a matter of his soul he cannot ignore.
C. He must be deceptive in order to pull this off. A CODEL from several states visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. Reese convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa. Reese is threatened with administrative action.
Emotional State: Reese has now stepped over the line by taking the Congressman and his staff to the widow’s home. Even though is a world of hurt his conscience is clear.
D. He believes his career may be over but he no longer cares or respects a system that would let a women and her children die.
E. He also knows the Baghdad police are of no help. He does not trust them. If they stay behind they will die. He sees them as part of the problem.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like it is over and Reese and his men may be sent back stateside.
Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb.
Emotional State: Al-Sadar is his last and most important job. He is obsessed. It could kill him but he will never back down.
Reese and his men get information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men.
SFC Reese convinces his unit to give him and his men one last chance to bring down
A.Reese briefs his men. He tells them they are being sent back but they have one last mission, to kill Al-Sadar and his men and get the family on a plane. This is all that counts.
B. Those who go with him may face reprisals so it is their choice. The Soldiers back Reese and agree to go after Al-Sadar.
Emotional State: They either stop Al-Sadar or they go back with their tail tucked between their legs. Reese sees this as all or nothing, no in-betweens.
C. Al-Sadar. When an an epic street battle on Hifa street ensues, they find and kill him. Reese tells him the Medusa is dead motherfucker.
Emotional State: Reese has redeemed himself for the death of his brother.
D. The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave.
E. SFC Reese and his men escort the family to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
Emotional State. Reese is at peace for the first time since he left Brooklyn and more importantly with his family.
F. He can be seen calling his father and mother for the first time in years. They are happy to hear from him.
Sorry Forgot to include what I had learned
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Alyssa’s Character Action Tracks!
One Sentence Vision: I want to be the best writer I can be and a go-to writer in the industry, crafting scripts that become successful movies which make a lasting impact on people.
What I learned from this assignment is…how challenging it is to show certain character traits through actions vs dialogue in what I’ve already set up. Working on brainstorming additional actions earlier on in the script. Right now, they’re more general than specific.
Genre: Action / Sci-fi
ACT 1: Alex becomes a Fate Runner and receives the Death Fortune
Opening
Alex PJ 1: Opening scene of Alex as a child: his father has the Death Fortune and tries to kill himself along with his wife and Alex- Alex escapes (using his brain/smart) but both his parents die. (Unspoken Wound)
Genre Convention: Open with action
Deeper Layer: Alex was the one who caused his father to receive the Death Fortune
Alex PJ 2: 30 years later, Alex announces his secret project at a gala to free people from “Fate” via an experimental serum. His speech is not well-received.
Deeper Layer: Alex is driven by guilt to destroy Fate like it destroyed his family
Nijara AJ 1 (off screen): Nijara sends Alex the delayed fortune at the behest of the AI.
INCITING INCIDENT: During his speech, Alex receives a delayed fortune to destroy the experiment in the next 15 minutes!
Genre Convention: Demand for action (ticking clock)
Alex PJ 3: Alex tries to save the experiment (A: determined & stubborn) which results in his assistant’s death and the experiment being destroyed anyway.
Deeper Layer: Guilt drives Alex to not give up on his goal even when it’s illogical/dangerous.
Celia TJ 1: Celia arrives to the scene in a cop car to interrogate Alex and she susses out he’s lying to her about what happened (C: street smart) while taking over his medical care from a medic bot (C: controlling & capable)
Alex PJ 4: They argue about his obsession and goals (A: stubborn / C: controlling)
Alex PJ 5: Alex goes home alone (A: pushes C away/stubborn) while Celia sleeps at the precinct to help with overload (C: values duty)
Deeper Layer: Alex’s relentless obsession is driving them towards divorce, although neither will admit it yet.
Alex PJ 6: At home, he looks at a photo of them happy together and almost calls Celia to apologize, but doesn’t (A: stubborn)
TURNING POINT 1: Alex receives the Death Fortune!
ACT 2: Alex recruits Celia to help him escape death before time’s up.
Genre Convention: The hero must escape the inescapable
New Plan
Alex PJ 6: Alex takes public transport to the precinct to get Celia’s help.
Alex PJ 7: The transport malfunctions and almost kills him but he uses his brain and wits to escape unscathed/stop the malfunction (A: quick-witted).
Nijara AJ 2: Nijara/AI tries to kill Alex via technology but it fails (N: calculating).
Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (death is close!)
Celia TJ 2: Celia’s partner at the precinct, Parker, tries to convince her to leave Alex (P: values Celia) but she brushes him off (C: values duty).
Secret: Parker is in love with Celia.
Alex PJ 8: Alex arrives and has a verbal tiff with Parker about Fate (A: values work & science / P: values the church & religion).
Alex PJ 9: Alex asks Celia to protect him for the day.
Celia TJ 3: Celia takes Alex to the morgue to convince him that he can’t escape the Death Fortune by running by showing him bodies of people who tried (C: controlling?)
Celia TJ 4: She tells him there might be another way: through the church. But he has to agree to not rebuild his lab and move on.
Alex PJ 10: Alex agrees to her terms, to try and petition the Fate Walker to change his fate, but he’s lying (A: values his work)
Deception: Alex lies about his intention.
Secret: Celia doesn’t tell Alex that her fortune is to kill him.
Plan in Action
Celia TJ 4: At the church, Celia requests an audience with the Fate Walker which is promptly denied by the priest.
Alex PJ 11: A church member slips Alex a secret message to meet up later.
Nijara AJ 3 (off screen): Nijara unleashes an assassin to kill Alex, since Celia hasn’t yet (N: cold/calculating).
Hidden Identity: The assassin is Parker, Celia’s partner.
Alex PJ 12: Alex and Celia head to the Crooked Market where the message said to meet (A: determined).
Alex PJ 13: The church member leads them to a secret room and tells them his suspicions about the Church.
Celia TJ 5: Celia realizes there’s a bomb (C: street smart) and is able to save Alex before it goes off, but it mortally wounds the church member.
Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (someone else is after Alex!)
Deeper Layer: Parker set the bomb but tried to call Celia to lead her away (P: values Celia).
Celia TJ 6: Celia chases after the assassin but can’t catch him (C: protective, capable).
Alex PJ 14: Alex tries to save the dying church member (A: guilt) and ends up getting key info on the Fate Walker (A: quick-witted?).
Alex PJ 15: Alex and Celia have to enlist Parker’s help to gain access to the Fate Walker (they have the location but need help getting there?)
Deeper Layer/Hidden Identity: Parker wants to kill Alex but can’t because of Celia’s presence (P: values Celia). They don’t know he’s the assassin.
Nijara AJ 4 (off screen): Nijara gives Parker permission to help Alex and Celia meet her.
Deeper Layer: Nijara is planning to kill them herself! (N: cold)
Genre Convention: Antagonist who is clearly corrupt / malicious
Alex PJ 16: Alex and Celia meet Nijara and their conversation quickly escalates, resulting in Alex pulling a gun on Nijara (A: determined) and her revealing she is able to mind/band control them both (limited power/control though- make this clear and make sense).
Nijara AJ 5: Nijara reveals the truth about the AI to Alex and Celia.
Deeper Layer: Nijara believes she is a partner with the AI (deception on the part of the AI)
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Nijara and the AI are controlling people behind the scenes!
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Alex finds out Celia is fated to kill him!
TURNING POINT 2 – MIDPOINT: Alex discovers the truth about who Fate really is and Nijara accidentally reveals the missing piece for his serum (working on this part). Alex and Celia escape (A: quick-witted, C: capable)!
Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)
Act 3: Finish the serum before the data is lost forever.
Rethink Everything & New Plan
Alex PJ 17: Alex contacts his lead tech, Lila, in order to get access to his lab before incineration. (A: values work, puts someone else into danger)
Nijara AJ 6: Nijara is reprimanded for letting someone leave with the knowledge of the AI. She raises the stakes for Parker to kill Alex: if he fails, he dies next (.
Deeper Layer: The AI starts to consider Nijara as a weak link.
Deeper Layer: Nijara has never been scolded like this by the AI, as if she was a wayward child instead of a partner.
Alex PJ 18: Alex and Celia break into the lab with Lila’s help (A: determined / C: capable).
Alex PJ 19: Alex is almost done with the the serum as the incineration begins but Parker arrives to finish him off (P: capable, vindictive).
Celia TJ 7: Celia fights off Parker (C: capable, selfless) as the building burns while Alex finishes the serum (A: values work, smart).
Alex PJ 20: They barely escape with one vial of the serum.
Deeper Layer: In order to kill Alex, Parker has to kill Celia, and he can’t do it, which allows them time to escape (P: values Celia).
Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)
Nijara AJ 7: Nijara wants to kill Alex herself to prove she’s capable (N: proud). The AI denies her request; instead, it sets the robots after Alex.
Alex PJ 21: The robots in the city turn hostile towards Alex, forcing him and Celia to go into hiding.
Alex PJ 22: With no way out and limited time left, Alex takes the serum (A: stubborn).
Deeper Layer: He has to know if it worked (still obsessed, hasn’t quite changed yet). Also, he is at the end of his rope and thinks there’s no way out even though Celia does (all is lost?)
Alex PJ 23: The chemicals from the band interact badly with the serum and Alex starts to lose his mind.
Celia TJ 8: Celia cuts off his arm/hand with the band on it. (C: capable, protective)
TURNING POINT 3: Alex doesn’t die revealing that his serum works! But there was only one vial: now Alex’s mind and blood hold the secret. If he dies, so does the chance of freedom.
Deeper Layer: Alex is vindicated but also starts to understand Celia’s sacrifice for him and realizes how much he loves for her.
ACT 4: Alex must get across the city to give his blood and instructions to Lila before Fate wins (time is almost up).
Alex PJ 24: Alex and Celia hijack a sky car to quickly get across the city as the robots close in (A: smart, C: capable).
Genre Convention: Escalating action (car chase!) and higher stakes (they have to save the whole city!)
Alex PJ 25: Alex and Celia split up in the middle of the chase in separate cars (A: smart, C: selfless).
Climax
Nijara AJ 8: Nijara’s robots chase and take down Celia’s car, giving Alex a clean getaway.
Alex PJ 26: Alex crashes into the robots, destroying them, and saves Celia. (A: determined, quick witted, arc is moving from values work to values people)
Transformational Journey: Putting himself and his goal in jeopardy to save someone he loves, from selfish ambition to selfless sacrifice.
Nijara AJ 9: Nijara arrives, defying the AI’s orders, and takes control of Celia. Orders her to kill Alex (N: calculating). Alex encourages Celia to do it (A: values people).
Deeper Layer: Alex cares too much about Celia to let her die for him, even if it dooms the world. His arc is complete.
Celia TJ 9: Celia is able to fight the mind control and kills Nijara instead of Alex (C: protective)
Nijara AJ 10: Nijara dies.
Deeper Layer: The AI knows Nijara is officially off the rails and undermines her power, giving Celia enough control back to kill Nijara.
Alex PJ 27: They think they’ve won but Parker arrives and fatally shoots Alex (P: capable, vindictive).
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Parker is the assassin!
Resolution
Alex PJ 28: Alex dies one minute AFTER the deadline, beating fate after all.
Celia TJ 10: Celia receives the Death Fortune and takes a vial of Alex’s blood to finish his mission (C: capable).
Nijara AJ 11: Nijara is reborn as a clone.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Nijara thought she was a free human but is actually a clone created by the AI as its servant/slave.
Deeper Layer: Nijara starts to wonder if she’s on the wrong side.
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Lenore Bechtel’s Action Tracks!
My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that character’s actions speak as strongly as their words, and the screenwriter is responsible for writing that action. Without this lesson, I would have gone on believing that actors preferred to give scripts their personal interpretation rather than be told by the writer how to act and react. By doing that telling, I revised some spots in my outline, hopefully making improvements.
My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?
Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.
Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.
Genre: Drama/Suspense
ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.
Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.
PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.
Action: With hands in prayer position, she nods and listens intently as ticket agent explains all direct flights to Berlin have already taken off and offers her a free overnight in Chicago and tomorrow night’s flight to Berlin. But then she gestures dramatically during a long tirade which ends once again with prayer position hands that extends from her chest to the ticket taker’s chest.
AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.
Action: Allison, prim and proper at all times, gives Libby as pleading look as she hands the ticket agent her credit card and when she gets her ticket, gives her a smile.
Action: Freida frantically breaks ahead in the queue and slaps her ticket on the ticket agent’s counter, looking apologetically back at those behind her.
FR 1: Freida gets the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.
Action: Freida runs, pulling a wheeled bag behind her with one hand, covering her pendant with her other hand.
Action: Running, turning around a handicap cart driver, Libby hops on with him just as Freida catches up and hops on. Allison throws on her small bag and runs behind the cart.
AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.
Action: Allison has a habit of taking a deep breath before any long sentence.
FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.
Action: Eyeballs nervously darting side to side, Freida takes her hand off her pendant and clinches both hands together.
DEEPER LAYER: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.
AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.
Action: Allison’s face appears to blush, even without reddening, with any reference to her brilliance.
PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.
Action: Libby leans back comfortably in the middle seat as she begins her narration.
Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.
DEEPER LAYER : Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so.
FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.
Action: Freida clinches her hands across her knees—a gesture meant to calm her nerves.
Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.
Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.
PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.
INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.
Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.
AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.
Action: Allison’s smile and animation while admiring Young Libby are larger than any previous ones.
DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.
TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.
Zhores: Zhores fills Young Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.
REVEAL 1: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born.
REVEAL 2: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand.
REVEAL 3: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida.
Action: During this dialogue, Freida is more relaxed.
Action: Libby turns her furrowed brow and startled eyes away from Freida and toward Allison, who notices.
ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.
Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.
Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.
REVEAL 4: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.
DEEPER LAYER: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.
Action: Hand under her chin with pointing finger on her cheek, Libby reminisces and bunglingly notes the similarity of Freida’s mother-in-law to her own neglectful birth father, the Major.
TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.
Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.
REVEAL 5: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up.
Action: Allison’s three fingers on each side of her brow indicates she’s rolling around more in her brain than she’s stating in words.
Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.
TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.
PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.
Action: Agitated by the facts she’s about to tell, she begins her narration sitting straight and extending prayer position hands repeatedly and pitifully.
Young Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.
With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.
The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.
REVEAL 6: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game.
Action: Freida’s demeanor, including a few tears, show her true sorrow for leaving her husband. Her ample bosom heaves with each sign and sob. .
PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother and she doesn’t like it one bit that Freida ran way from him the way she did.
Action: Reluctance abounds in Libby’s confession, which nevertheless leads Freida to tell her real reason for leaving Stuart.
REVEAL 7: FR7: Freida tells her pendant story. Lilly and Allison convince her that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and she would not face jail time in the USA.
Action: While touching her pendant, Freida makes sure her button-up blouse is closed to the next bo top button. Through her blouse, she pulls up her bra straps.
ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.
AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.
Action: Allison winks to herself, knowing she tricked Libby and Freida into accompanying her as she makes a dream come true.
PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and draws a crowd at the Louvre.
Action: Libby is embarrassed as she pats a folded handkerchief at the first tear that drops from her eyes, but by the end of the number she happily lets them flow.
AL 8: As she takes a bow, Allison shows amazement at the large crowd she attracted and the enthusiastic accolades she’s receiving.
Action: She bows once with her violin, second while putting it in its case extended by Freida, and third with her hands in prayer position, nodding at Libby who frequently uses the prayer position in ordinary conversation.
FR 8: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.
Action: Freida’s attitude is one of exasperation as she physically leads them, jerking them so keep up the pace.
PJ 8: Libby can’t focus her mind on getting them a taxi.
Action: Libby hugs Allison, motions to a passing taxi, hugs Allison again, motions again.
TURNING POINT 4: FR 9: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.
Action: Freida unbutton two blouse buttons, pulls up her breasts so cleavage shows above her exposed bra, rolls her skirt’s waistline to make it shorter, and twists provocatively as she thumbs for a ride.
PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Libby wonders if Helga and Heinz will remember their vow to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.
Action: Libby shows worry that the rendezvous might not happen.
REVEAL 8: AL 9: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.
Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth.
Action: Allison bounces happily, a smug look on her face as if she suddenly found the key to unlock a puzzle she’d been trying to figure out.
FR 10: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.
Action: Freida is totally relaxed and happy as she talks with her mother.
DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.
ACT 4: A Berliner drives them to the park and all three get what they want.
FR 11: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.
Action: Freida stops the car and pounds her head repeatedly toward the steering wheel.
AL 10: Allison jumps from the car, plays her violin while singing the following:
Action: Never missing a note on her violin, Allison wanders through the crowd, singing “Hail, Hail, the gangs on here, how’re we gonna get there? How’re we gonna get there? Hail, Hail, we need your help. Only you can get us there.”
AL 11: Allison jumps on the hood of the car, motions the celebrants to spread apart for the car to get through, and pontificates about the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic, gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.
FR 12: Freida drives at high speed.
Action: Freida oscillates between amazement at Allison’s remembering the directions and fear of wrecking the rental car.
PJ 10: In the backseat, Libby—seemingly oblivious to any danger—closes her eyes, puts hands in prayer position, and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.
Action: Knowing the two in the front seat can’t hear her, Libby runs a gamut of emotions as she makes promises to herself that she’ll keep if her rendezvous expectations are met, all the while straightening her attire and making herself more presentable.
STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby.
REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant which he wanted her to have and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest.
Action: Freida grabs Stuart’s hand and they jump up and down together several times before ending with a prolonged kiss.
Action: Libby pours out apologies and makes promises to Stuart until he stops her with a hug and kiss.
AL 12: Allison’s grandparents, Hank and Helen, arrive and confirm they were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result.
Action: Allison jumps straddle-legged on a bewildered Stuart and repeatedly kisses each of his cheeks until he pulls her head straight in front of his, recognizes Olga in her, and sobs.
FR 12: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them and teach her how to get around the city.
Action: Out of habit, as she leans down toward Allison, she covers the pendant with her hand, then laughingly removes it.
AL 13: Allison says maybe she could live with Freida’s mother if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic.
Action: Helen and Hank applaud that idea.
PJ 11: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.
Action: She stretches her arms out, breaths heavily, and nods repeatedly, but she does not move toward him. When he finally reaches her, her outstretched arms embrace him and her lips lift to his.
CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.
Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away holding hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.
The End
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Ruthie’s Character Action Tracks! (#5 MOD 4)
What I Learnt: How a character’s traits can affect and influence a scene. Highlighted the areas I need to work on for both characters.
OPENING: MISS CAST
EXT/INT. ZADIE’S CAR – LOS ANGELES – DAY
We see a close up of Zadie exuberantly belting out a hit song on the radio. She can’t sing for toffee and evidently doesn’t care. Reveal: She’s in a convertible just charming and flirting with everyone around her at the traffic light. She even gets the “suit” in the car next to her to join in the chorus.
Zadie is pulled over for speeding. Not before leading the cop on an entertaining drive around until the song has finished.
This is Zadie’s opportunity to showcase her three positive traits of exuberant, endearing and entertaining. The audience will immediately know she would flirt with a tree stump if she gained something from it. Need to highlight the female cop not budging an inch and Zadie doing her best to avoid another ticket.
(However, the fact that she does not manage to charm the cop, will feed into her insecurities and we’ll see her despondency via her actions.) *Subtext for her imposter syndrome.
*EXT. LA COURTHOUSE – DAY
Reveal: Turns out she led the cop car to her court appointment.
* INT. COURT HOUSE – DAY
Her traffic violations see her banned from driving for 12 months.
We need to see Zadie psyche herself up before entering the court room. Then she arrives like a force of nature. She’s representing herself, overshoots the desk with her wheelie chair, attempts to recruit the people around her for her agency, including the judge. Although the judge bans her from driving, we see that even he cracks a smile at her antics.
* INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY
Zadie has her assistant Audrey set up an Uber account.
Zadie chucks more business cards of talent she’s trying to recruit into a drawer, as her brilliantly beleaguered assistant contrasts against Zadie’s big personality.
* INT. ZADIE’S OFFICE CLOSET – DAY
Zadie has created a Zen space in her office closet where she psyche’s herself up before making important calls. The closet is her happy space. She’s partial to velvet cushions and Twizzlers. This is where her imposter syndrome is evident.
* EXT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY
Waiting for her Uber, Zadie is dashing up and down the street like a dog with worms.
INSERT: Zadie’s location on the Uber app – is a blue dot bouncing around at a dizzying pace.
Inciting Incident:
INT. UBER DRIVER’S CAR – DAY
Zadie’s Uber driver is former child star Jasper Benjamin, who blackmails her into taking him on as a client or he’ll ban her from the app.
Since Jasper is wily, determined, and inscrutable he’s having none of it. He’s ripe for a showdown even before he collects Zadie. Until he sees the sign for Lowry Management Group and realizes he’ll be able to use this to his advantage.
INTERCUT PHONE CALL: THE PAIR ARE WARRING EVEN BEFORE THEY’VE EVEN MET!
An exasperated Zadie throws herself into the car and starts bombarding Jasper with directions. He refuses to move. It’s only when Zadie stops tapping into her phone, that she realizes they aren’t going anywhere.
Jasper threatens to get Zadie kicked off her account. Unless: She takes him on as a client…
She then realizes who he was and goes into full schmooze mode.
(Need back and forth dialogue that almost feels like a lovers’ tiff, even though they’ve never met before.)
* INT. INDOOR SKY DIVING – DAY
She meets director Molly Palmer. They discuss an indy project, that Zadie thinks could be perfect for Jasper.
(Zadie is a bigger gal, stuffed into a tight flight suit, but she doesn’t give a damn.)
*INT. NAIL SALON – DAY
Jasper is having a pedicure. Zadie sneaks up and replaces the technician.
Zadie paints Jasper’s toes hot pink before he opens his eye and realizes.
Jasper goes along with it and thinks it might be an interesting look for his audition.
*INT. CASTING SUITE – DAY
Jasper nails the audition – it’s like lightening in a bottle – it looks like the part will be his.
He’s a really good actor and deserves a second chance in Hollywood…
*EXT/INT. DRIVE-THROUGH CAR WASH – DAY
Jasper is buoyed up by his audition. The two finally seem to be getting along and are excited by his future prospects.
Opportunity for Zadie to show her genuine enthusiasm for her clients. She’s good at her job.
Opportunity for Jasper to display that he can be darkly charming.
*INT. DISUSED WAREHOUSE – DAY
At the callback, Molly overhears Zadie running lines with Jasper and asks her to audition.
All Zadie’s Imposter syndrome disappears, she has no skin in the game, so nothing to lose.
Jasper is so determined; he has no idea what just occurred.
Turning Point:
*INT. DEPARTMENT STORE CHANGING ROOMS – DAY
Zadie receives the call she’s been offered the role instead and must break the news to Jasper.
Opportunity to see Zadie’s insecurities get the better of her? Then she decides to buy every piece of clothing. There’s a mass of sequins.
Act 2:
New plan:
* INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY
Jasper storms in unannounced and goes on a tirade against Zadie in front of all her colleagues.
Set up that this is the catalyst for Jasper to ‘ruin’ Zadie. Opportunity for comedic showdown in public.
*INT. PATTERSON & ASSOCIATES – DAY
Jasper is poached by rival agent – Emily ‘mutherfucking” Patterson.
He’s determined to bring down Zadie, almost more than reviving his career, and Emily has to keep steering him back to that.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Audrey & Zadie are feeding ducks gluten free bread and discussing how several clients have been poached recently. Reveal: Audrey is Zadie’s daughter.
This is the height of Zadie’s imposter syndrome – even the ducks turn their back on her.
* INT. FILMING – MONTAGE
The movie goes into production and Zadie has a complete blast making it.
Zadie is larger than life and not your typical ingenue – she’s a revelation in the role.
SIX MONTHS LATER:
*INT. FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING – NIGHT
The film debuts at the film festival to major buzz.
She has “nothing” to lose, so doesn’t care. Her exuberance is refreshing compared to stuck up, stick thin actresses. (Comedic devil-may-care Q&A with press – she’s a hoot.)
Plan in action:
She’s the perfect antidote to the typical Hollywood ingenue. Everyone wants a piece of Zadie.
*POT POINT- ESCALATING STAKES TO BE DETERMINED
Jasper’s scheme to take Zadie down
Jasper’s plan in action to take down Zadie.
Midpoint Turning Point:
INT. FILM FEST PARTY – NIGHT
Zadie is caught on camera kissing comic Ledicia Harding and the video goes viral.
High-spirited high-jinx.
* INT. DAY-TIME TALK SHOW – DAY
Zadie refuses to acknowledge her sexuality, saying it shouldn’t matter. She’s loud, proud and embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, having won a role meant for a man.
Another opportunity to showcase her three positive traits of exuberant, endearing and entertaining.
Act 3:
Rethink everything:
INT. LOWRY MANAGEMENT GROUP – DAY
Zadie is fired from her agency since clients are leaving in droves due to Jasper’s smear campaign.
And contrast positive traits with Imposter syndrome once again.
*PLOT POINT- ESCALATING STAKES TO BE DETERMINED
(JASPER’S NOTORIETY IS RISING AS ZADIE’S REPUTATION IS SINKING)
New plan:
INT. DENTIST – DAY
Zadie receives a call to say she’s been nominated for a major acting award.
A lot of muffled swearing.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
*INT. CAR – DAY
Jasper launches a celebrity chat show from his cab. His guest is Ledicia and Zadie is “outed” as straight.
INT. ZADIE’S OFFICE CLOSET – DAY
Zadie has gone into hiding in her closet – #Gaygate is trending.
Her insecurities are rife.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
INT. AWARDS CEREMONY – NIGHT
She wins but at the podium turns down her award – stating that it should have gone to Jasper.
An opportunity to set the record straight and give a hilariously don’t give a fuck, un-industry speech!
Resolution:
INT. ZADIE’S NEW OFFICE – DAY
Zadie has launched her own agency. Her new clients include Jasper Benjamin and Ledicia.
Reveal: Zadie and Jasper were actually lovers, who leveraged Zadie’s success to re-launch Jasper’s career. While Zadie overcame her imposter syndrome to open her own agency.
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H. Vince’s Character Action Tracks!
WIM Module 4 – 2023
Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I am going to be a professional screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
the actions seem pretty similar to what I wrote for the character journeys.
TITLE: DREAM VACATION
GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER
MAIN CONFLICT:
James starts developing dementia while he and his wife, Clara are on their retirement vacation. Clara has to take care of James and try to bring him back to the U.S. all while trying to figure out what happened to her husband.
Beginning: Boarding Plane for Dream Retirement Vacation
CLARA PJ: Going on a dream retirement vacation with her spouse.
Action: Smiling, excited, holding hands, saying they can’t believe it’s finally here, telling someone on the plane it’s their dream vacation
JAMES PJ: Going on a dream retirement vacation with his spouse.
Action: ordering drinks, saying they can’t believe it’s finally here, telling someone on the plane it’s their dream vacation, tells Clara he planned a couple of good surprises
Inciting Incident: James shows signs of memory loss
JAMES PJ: asks where he is, asks Clara who she is
Surface Layer: James has what Clara thinks is dementia
CLARA PJ: Clara starts remembering talking to her hairdresser about how people can develop dementia
Turning Point 1: Taking James to a foreign doctor and discovery of James’s anxiety
DR RIA AJ 1: Flashback to Dr. Ria offering new edible to patients
CLARA PJ 2: Experiencing emotions including fear and flashbacks
JAMES PJ 2: Confusion and memory loss in a foreign country
Turning Point 1: Flashback for James when he went to visit his doctor about his anxiety.
Act 2: GO HOME
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Clara books a flight home
CLARA PJ 3: Call kids
DR RIA AJ 2: Clinical trial medicine feedback pouring in
JAMES PJ 3: Continuous confusion and memory loss in a foreign country – tries to find a safe place
CLARA PJ 4: Wakes up and James has disappeared.
Act 3: FIND JAMES
Turning Point 3: Clara draws courage and seeks help to find James.
CLARA PJ 5: With the help of the foreign doctor, Clara finds out James was part of some sort of clinical trial
DR RIA AJ 3: Dr. Ria suggesting James take part in a clinical trial for an edible to help his anxiety
CLARA PJ 6: Someone helps Clara find James
Act 4 Climax: Clara finds out that the edible James took what from a clinical trial that accelerated memory loss and he is still under clinical trial.
JAMES PJ 3: Told to get on a plane but he is fearful for his life not knowing where he is being taken.
DR RIA AJ 4: Receives notice that he is being sued and his medical license may be in jeopardy.
Resolution: CLINICAL TRIAL ENDS: DREAM VACATION RUINED
CLARA PJ 7: Fights to have beforehand caretaker medical knowledge if anyone will be affected by a clinical trial and/or medication prescription.
DR RIA AJ 5: Dr. Ria fights to maintain his reputation as a medical practitioner.
JAMES PJ 4: Cognitive abilities returning.
CLARA: Diagnosed with cancer
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Melissa Barreca’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision: Melissa Barreca is one of the most sought after writers in the movie industry because of the artistry of her writing, professionalism and exceptional ability to tell important, entertaining, joyful, and heartbreaking stories that inspire audiences and become legendary classics.
What I learned…It’s really easy to fall into the trap of fully writing scenes when you are working with the outline in this level of detail.
Torn Away — Beat Sheet, with Character Action Tracks
Genre: Drama
Act 1: Coming to America…a dream quickly becomes a nightmare.
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Empathy/Character Intro Protagonist, Norah Murphy – An immigrant family helps their daughter and son-in-law pack and depart for America. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Recites facts about America with ease; sings while putting items in a trunk; DOYLE – Tells jokes and stories to the kids; charms the parents.
PJ1 Norah – Arrival at port; beginning journey to America. // NORAH – Counts exact change supernaturally fast; watchful eye over kids; DOYLE – Smiling, joking, singing, making conversation with passers by and workers.
Wretched arrival in NYC/Ellis Island. Chaos; the family is worn and emaciated from a hard journey; expectations are shattered. // NORAH – Torn and tattered but still confident and gentle with her kids; intuitively knows which direction is N/S/E/W and can recount details of the journey (mileage, depth of the ocean, speed in knots, etc. DOYLE – Carrying kids on his back, making a game of it, playing scavenger hunt as they make their way through the station.
PJ2 – Settling in a new land. Arriving in the Five Points, the stench is unbearable and the new family is appalled at the pitiful sight of poor beggars and street children everywhere.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> // NORAH – Silently counts tenement windows, people on the street; watchful and aware; snuggles kids and whispers in their ears; points out the poor children on the street, offers them some charity. MICK – Takes charge; hails carriage; talks all about the place and where they will live, who they will meet, etc. DOYLE – Smiles and excitedly exclaims as he sees new sights and the bustling city.
Tenement Life…Doyle arrives home after dark, covered in dirt and pitifully exhausted. They discuss bringing in subleases to help pay the rent, but Doyle is against it. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// DOYLE – Though a bit less bounding, he comes into the home in a jolly manner with stories of the day for the children and a piece of candy for each; NORAH – Singing just before he arrives as she tries to clean the kids; Lightly scolds him for spending the penny on the candy but smiles and dances with him before announcing dinner; After kids are laying down, she brings up the subleases.
PJ3 – Norah, Doyle and their many neighbors celebrate the birth of this new child and also share their plight. // MICK – brings them food and whiskey, giving Doyle a pat on the back that is a bit too rough and unsettling. We sense jealousy. DOYLE – Jokes but a little less jovially; quiet joy with new daughter and a weight of responsibility is starting to show along with worry; NORAH – Joy at her daughter’s birth, but lines of poverty show on her once bright face.
AJ2 – Turning Point: A night at the local parlor and too much whiskey leads Mick and Doyle into a fight. Doyle into a bad deal that leads him into trouble with criminals who beat him and leave him for dead. // MICK – Buys the first round; People stop him and compliment him or ask for advice on the way in; DOYLE – Begins in normal joking mood, he is ready to let off some steam but as drinks go in, the joy gives way to his underlying angst.
PJ4 – Inciting Incident – Mick comes to Norah and tells her that Doyle is “killed at the factory.” // MICK – Enters with authority, has a police officer behind him, offers Norah a chair and a shot of whiskey; NORAH – Sizes up the situation too quickly and her countenance changes immediately; initially refuses the whiskey but then takes the shot; a tear comes down her cheek but she is stoic for the children.
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>AJ3 – Mick comes to her aid. Mick offers help to Norah but it is clear from his advances that he wants to take the place of Doyle. He is overbearing and gruff and impatient with her efforts at independence. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – Brings food and necessaries, shows up unscheduled; makes himself at home, begins to show a bit of coldness and impatience towards kids. Makes a pass at Norah which she brushes off. NORAH – Takes the food, says thank you but does not show affection and seems uneasy at being alone with Mick.
PJ5 – Norah’s older children begin to spend time on the street and try to earn money to help the family – they are seven and four years old. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Snaps at them when they first come in and instantly regrets it; takes the money and cries.
PJ6 – Turning Point: Norah loses her infant daughter to cholera. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Wailing and gnashing of teeth; but not in front of her kids who she sends with a neighbor. MICK – Handles the arrangements with the baby’s body, hands off to the police or morgue people; his strength shines but he also keeps Norah under his thumb; tells subleasers they need to find a new place to live. Norah is too distraught to argue.
Act 2: Better Off
PJ1 – Starving and Freezing – Norah is resisting full reliance on Mick and has only taken his charity, but it is not enough to help her feed her children and keep their apartment heated in New York’s brutal winter. They have begun to burn some furniture and old clothing for heat. But his gifts always come with whiskey and romantic advances. // NORAH – Begs for help from neighbors, she is defeated and has no pride. MICK – polite and kind to helpful neighbor; tells Norah in no uncertain terms what she is going to do. Norah relents and agrees.
AJ1 – Killing Themselves – Mick is losing patience with Norah’s insistence on keeping the children and tells her that she is selfish for keeping her children and he gaslights her into believing that she is choosing to make them suffer when they could have a perfectly good life elsewhere. Norah drinks some more and cries. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – Calls her a drunk and accuses her of hurting her kids; NORAH – Grabs kids too roughly to leave and they cry. She cries too.
PJ2 – A home visit by the Children’s Home Society sees Norah being convinced that she is abusing her children by keeping them when the workers find that she has been drinking. She resists the call to give them up for adoption. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – Instant rapport with the agents; they love him, he is charming. He agrees with them and feigns concern. NORAH – Turns hot with outrage (which they say proves their point.)
AJ2 – Taken In – as the children beg, Mick has had enough. He takes them to the local foundation and tells the workers they need to be adopted. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – Smiles and offers children some penny candy to go for a walk
PJ3 – Norah is summoned. She is drinking again. She tearfully agrees and believes she has no choice but to let them go. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – Consoling, comforting physically; verbally adamant that they are in a better place/better life. NORAH – Smells of alcohol but serious about her situation; trying to keep it together.
PJ4 – Norah spirals into a dark place. Dependent on Mick, without her children, she increasingly hits the bottle and submits to Mick’s will in exchange for his shelter and food. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Always drunk, stumbling, hazy eyes, frown, furrowed brow, not keeping up with hygiene, etc. MICK – Oblivious to her pain, living his best life in a smug manner.
Midpoint: A chance meeting with an old neighbor at the grocery bar who “was surprised she allowed Mick to take her beautiful children away” causes Norah to become aware that she was manipulated by Mick. She did not need to let the children go. It is Mick that wanted this. She is bitter, angry and — she stays and goes along with it because her fear and depression is greater.
AJ3: Mick has made Norah his own. We see their domestic “bliss” play out with Norah going through the motions as his “wife” and Mick telling her that she is not good enough.
PJ4/Turning Point 2 – A Spark Moment – Mick nonchalantly tells Norah he has sold her wedding veil to pay for some whiskey. She is heartbroken and something in her snaps and she sees him for who he is. She has lost her last memento that reminds her of Doyle and her old life with the children. We see her take the last bit of whiskey in her glass and pour it into the chamber pot. // NORAH – This is a huge transition moment where we see her transform into a strong woman, taking control. MICK – Seems harmless here. Unaware that he is causing so much pain.
PJ5 – Plan in action – Norah secretly meets the adoption agent who knows about her children. We have seen this man at work with the children and we know he is good. // NORAH – Physically begins to change. She is neater in appearance and walks with authority.
PJ6 – Norah talks with a trusted neighbor and hatches a plan. She cannot support the kids. Her adoption agent has assured her that the kids are happy in a home of wealthy and loving parents. // NORAH – Continues to say genius level things to surprise those she is speaking with. Mick intrudes on their meeting. A scene with Mick where we understand that he is not truly happy with Norah the way he thought he would be. And we see evidence that he is hiding something about Doyle.
PJ7 – Another meeting with the Adoption agent reveals that the family is looking for a domestic and he can get her the job. This seems too good to be true. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – She smiles for the first time in a while; she hums a tune as she leaves.
AJ4 – Rage – Mick follows Norah to the adoption agency and finds out Norah has been plotting. When she arrives at their apartment, he threatens her life and flies off the handle in a drunken rage. He wants her to himself. He doesn’t want the children in their lives. // MICK – His roughest scene and most explosive.
PJ8 – Placated again – Norah calms Mick with more whiskey and swears that she doesn’t want her children. He passes out. // NORAH – There is a sense that she is truly just placating him and not going a long like before. She has a purpose here.
Act 3: Flown the Coop
AJ1 – Missing – Mick awakes to find that Norah is gone. He breaks the few items of furniture they have in a fit of rage. // MICK – Purposefully breaks a few things that are dear to Norah.
PJ1 – Orphan Train – Norah is boarding a train with adoption agents and children that are to be adopted, they have offered to bring her along on the journey in the hopes of reuniting her with her children. It has been one year since they left. They are now eight and five years old. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Speaking softly to children, holding one hand; carrying a toddler onboard; she seems happy to fuss over the children and help them get comfortable. She tells them an Irish story and sings some lullabies.
PJ2 – Norah helps orphan children, rediscovering her motherhood instincts – She helps the children at two stops of the train before getting to the town where her children have been adopted. // NORAH – Has a hard time parting with a particular child she had bonded with when they are adopted from the train.
Turning Point 3: Norah is reunited with her children. // NORAH – Tears of joy burst forth as they run and embrace. The kids remember her and love her. They offer Norah a live-in position as a domestic servant where she can live in the house with the children. It seems like the happy ending we wanted.
AJ2 – Mick has gone off the deep end. He is back in the neighborhood looking for Norah. When Mick finds her friend with information, he interrogates her and ends up killing her. It’s brutal and scary. We fear for Norah and the children. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// MICK – We see the pain in his face and darkness in his eyes. There should be some emotions that come out to confuse the audience, is he a bad guy or do we feel sorry for him.
Act 4: Revenge and Fear
Act 4 Major Shift: Norah is working in the yard alone and is grabbed from behind and dragged off into a barn. We do not see her assailant. // NORAH – Singing again, this is the most joyful and relaxed we have seen her since the opening in Ireland which makes the attack more jarring.
PJ1 – Climax – Norah fights back. In the barn, it’s an all out brawl in the dark. The attacker fiercely beats her and attempts to tie her up. Major Reveal: The subdued Norah is tied and she is dragged into the light. Her attacker is Doyle. She explodes in disbelief, anger, fear, confusion. // NORAH – She is strong and full of fire until she sees Doyle and her entire being becomes deflated for a moment as she processes what is happening. She is confused – then hurt – then angry – then vengeful. DOYLE – This once happy man is now dead serious and we have no idea why he is attacking her.
AJ1 – Mick arrives in a carriage to take Norah back to New York. // MICK – Seems to have had a psychic break with reality. He is whistling in an eerie manner; he is coming to take back his property.
AJ2 – The disillusioned Mick still believes that Norah will go back with him and believes that he has won the battle, she is too weak to fight back. He tries to take Norah into the carriage, but she is able to push him onto a pitchfork and kills him. // MICK – A familiar pattern of physical dominance is repeated but this time it doesn’t work. NORAH – A familiar pattern of submission seems to be coming but at the last minute she lunges and fights back.
PJ2 – With Mick’s blood on her hands, Norah turns to her betrayer, Doyle. She is having a complete fit of rage. She lunges at Doyle with a shovel badly injuring him. // NORAH – Rage; DOYLE – Shock. He never imagined seeing her this way.
AJ3 – Doyle is backed into a corner. He admits that he has been tracking her since she left, lurking in the shadows, waiting for his moment. // DOYLE – We see him try to at first defend and deflect, blame it all on Mick.
PJ3 – The family runs to the barn. They see the carnage of Mick, and the cowering pathetic Doyle, and the glassy-eyed Norah and rush to her aid. The family agrees to allow Norah and the kids to stay, and Norah can raise them as part of one big extended family. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>// NORAH – Brave and stoic.
Final scene – The adoption agent is visiting the family in the yard. He sips tea with the family as the kids run through emerald fields laughing and singing with Norah by their side.
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BRIAN BULL – Character Action Tracks!
VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
LAYERS , LAYERS and LAYERS – I was feeling pretty good about my outline but then I just kept giving it a little more thought and a little more thought and I was able to come up with a few important Character Actions that enhance the story. I am sure there are more and I am sure they will present themselves as I continue working on this.
The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
While fishing, a fisherman reflects on all the events that have lead to his present state of determination to catch the fish that has eluded him for 25 years which he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.GENRE: DRAMA
“Fishing is the art of lying convincingly about the size of the fish that got away.” -Unknown
ACT 1
PRESENT DAY:
Hints: “No swimming” sign.John PJ 2:
- John puts the boat in the water.
- Respectfully places Jim’s fishing hat on the seat where Jim would be sitting if Jim were there.
- Heads for “The Spot”.
- Everything is reminiscent of the day of “The Incident”.
- The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.
PRESENT DAY: Boat traveling upriver at sunrise in a remote Louisiana bayou.
John PJ 3:
- Arriving at “The Spot”, John is very much “in-tune” with his surrounding and what it is he is doing.
- He does everything just like he always has – just like the day of “The Incident”.
PRESENT DAY: John is tasked with getting the fishing equipment out.
- JOHN DOES THINGS VERY METHODICALLY AND A SENSE OF CALM.
FLASHBACK:
- JOHN IS VERY EXCITED TO BE FISHING WITH HIS DAD
- Dad is task with getting the fishing equipment out.
- Dad teaching John how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
- Shows him how to cast.
- Family is important.
- PICKS UP SOME LITTER – DON’T BE THAT PERSON THAT LITTERS
PRESENT DAY: John fishing.
FLASHBACK:
- JOHN INSISTS JIM TO BE CALM THOUGH JIM ALREADY IS
- John teaching his younger brother how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
- Teaches Jim how to cast – takes on that FATHER ROLE MODEL.
- John tells Jim about their dad and how he taught John how to fish.
- Bonding between John/Jim – GIVES JIM SOME FISHING QUOTES
- Family is so important.
- PICKS UP SOME LITTER – DON’T BE THAT PERSON THAT LITTERS
- JOHN POINTS OUT THE LIFE PRESERVERS – SAFETY FIRST.
- 2 THINGS – SAFETY – and FUN.
- JIM’S NOT A GOOD SWIMMER – SINKS
- John’s focus is on fishing – TOTALLY ENGAGED ON FISHING.
- Jim’s focus is on nature, the birds in particular.
Influences Surface Story:
- A picture of Grandpa in the tackle box
- Grandpa caught a massive catfish
- John wants to be like Grandpa.
Influences Surface Story:
- John catches a good size catfish – THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE!
- Knows there are “bigger fish to fry” down there.
- Tells Jim “not to worry, there are plenty of fish.”
- They’ll come back tomorrow.
- John closes the tackle box.
PRESENT DAY: John sees the picture of Grandpa in the tackle box.
FLASHBACK: John entering the garage to get his fishing equipment
Plan In Action:
- John is gathering his fishing equipment; Fishing Pole, Tackle Box, Gloves, Spear, Etc.John sees a photo of his Grandfather with a huge catfish and wishes he could be successful like him.
- JOHN TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN HIS GRANDPA’S SUCCESS.
- John gathering equipment – Wife and Billy enter.
- Wife reminds John of his failures – nothing to show for his past attempts – sowing doubt.
- Wife thinks John should give up and spend time with their son – tries to redirect John and have him focus on the present and not the past.
- LOVES HIS SON BUT THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE HIM; TOO YOUNG
- John finds encouragement to counteract the negativity displayed by his wife –
- Wife suggests trying a different bait – John replies, “NEVER!!!” Wife suggestions are contradictory to John’s beliefs.
- Wife mentions John’s father running off, never to be heard from again – he’s not going to do that is he?
- DEFENDS HIS FATHER’S REPUTATION AND DIVERTS THE SUBJECTS
Hints: The mysterious disappearance of their father.
ACT 2
PRESENT DAY:- John kicks back, enjoying his surroundings…
- The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.
FLASHBACK:
John PJ 1:- Jim is enjoying the surrounding – NOTICES THE BIRDS.
- John is focused on fishing, hoping to catch something, anything.
- The brothers are fishing again, not having much luck.
- Jim catches a “StIck Bass” – BOTH BROTHERS JOKE ABOUT THIS
- Jim gives up on fishing because of the “Stick Bass”.
- John reels his line in and his hook is empty.
- They have run out of bait.
- Not giving up, John decides to try chicken from their sandwiches that their mom packed – something special she said, they might like.
- Jim gives John a hard time about switching bait to chicken – likely to catch a ‘gator with it –
- John’s determined to catch something before going home.
Inciting Incident:
- John catches a “BIG ONE”!!!
- John struggles as he tries to reel in “The Fish”.
- Jim wants John to cut the line and let it go.
- John refuses – THIS IS IT!!! John’s determination to catch this fish kicks in!!!
- Jim is worried as he watches John as John tries with all his might to reel the fish in.
- John gets pulled into the water.
- JIM LOOKS AT THE KNIFE BY THE LIFE PRESERVERS – GRABS THE KNIFE
- Jim dives into the water with a knife and cuts the line.
- John emerges from the water and gets back into the boat.
- Jim never resurfaces.
Turning Point:
- John is left all alone in the boat with the realization Jim is gone – DEVASTATION!
ACT 3
PRESENT DAY: John fishingFLASHBACK:
Reaction:- Since “The Incident”, John has gone fishing for “The Fish” for 25 years.
- Jim’s photo hangs in the garage and is a constant reminder of his failure at redemption!
- John takes the photo down and holds it in deep in thought – we know what he is thinking by the look on his face.
- Midpoint Turning Point:
- John uncovers Jim’s fishing hat and packs it.
- The hat reinforces John’s determination to seek revenge and avenge Jim’s death!
- Influences Surface Story:
- Jim’s disappearance after cutting the fishing line. Much like cat-and-mouse – this is a catfish-and-man – one individual trying to outmaneuver the other for 25 years.
PRESENT DAY: John fishing
FLASHBACK:
Rethink:- Stopping at a gas station/trading post, an old-timer recalls a fishing tale about the Native Indians who spoke of catfish so large one catfish could feed a village.
- John listens intently trying to decide if there is any truth to what the old-timer is telling him.
Hints:
- The Old-Timer’s tale of the Native Indians catching catfish so big they could feed a village.
Fish AJ 1:
- “The Fish” have been eating fisherman for a long time.
New Plan:
- John buys some dog chain, a javelin-like spear and a whole routtsierre cajun chicken.
PRESENT DAY:
Turning Point:- John reels his line in and finds an empty hook and he’s out of bait.
- Frustration sets in.
- John has the same results that he has had for the past 25 years.
- John grows weary.JOHN HAS A CONVERSATION WITH JIM
- John takes Jim’s fishing hat and places it on his head for good luck.
- JIM TELLS JOHN HE DOESN’T HAVE TO DO THIS
- JOHN SAYS HE DOES
ACT 4
New Plan:- John decides to try the whole rotisserie cajun chicken he picked up from the gas station/trading post as bait.
Fish AJ 5:
- John changes bait to rotisserie cajun chicken and “The Fish” knows that it is John.
Fish AJ 6:
- “The Fish” takes the bait and the power struggle begins, ultimately ending with “The Fish” and John face-to-face.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
- John hooks “The Fish” and the power struggle begins, many of the same tactics “The Fish” used when he was a kid are used again, but John is prepared for each one of them.
- JOHN SEES THE KNIFE – MOMENT OF TRUTH – DECIDES TO END THIS ONCE-AND-FOR-ALL
- He manages to reel “The Fish” in; just a little closer so he can harpoon it with his spear.
- Face-to-face with “The Fish” John sees that he has indeed managed to catch the biggest catfish in Louisiana history!!!
- John then realizes, “I’m the one you were after – I’m the One That Got Away!”
Resolution:
- Leaning over the edge of the boat, John is engulfed by “The Fish” thus leaving an empty fishing boat floating in the midst of the water.
- Jim’s fishing hat floats a short distance away from the boat.
CREDITS ROLL
Fish AJ 7:
- “The Fish” eats hat.
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Veronica Turowski’s Character Action Tracks!
What I learned from doing this assignment is using the skills in the ProSeries and WIM I don’t have change much regarding the character profiles. One of the most helpful lessons in the ProSeries was interviewing the characters. I use that skill every time I write a script. I did find areas to improve. There is still one in the 3<sup>rd</sup> Act that I am figuring out.
My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts yearly and then sells them to producers who create my vision for the big screen.
Concept: After a professional mourner is told by a ghost during his funeral that he was murdered by a serial killer, she tries to prove him wrong so he can pass over, only to discover that she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.
Title: Grave Justice
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
ACT 1: Lonnie is checking the chemicals in the church baptismal. The lights go out. A man attacks him. Lonnie is pushed headfirst into the church baptismal, breaks his neck and drowns. The police consider it an accident.
Hayden AJ 1: Hayden kills Lonnie.
Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie is killed by Hayden.
DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie is a couple of years older than Hayden. He was in seminary school while Hayden was finishing high school. Lonnie’s younger brother killed himself when he became possessed. Lonnie persuaded Hayden’s friends to get out of a Satanic cult and turn to Jesus, but Hayden was already possessed. Hayden kills Lonnie because he felt Lonnie betrayed him.
Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa attends Lonnie’s funeral. She talks to Lonnie, but when he tells her he was murdered by a serial killer, she panics, realizes he’s a ghost, and runs off. Lonnie chases her. She crosses the street and looks back to see if he’s still following her. When he’s in the middle of the street, he’s about to be hit by an ice cream truck but disappears instead.
Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa he needs her help since she is the only one who can see him. He needs justice for the victims and himself so he can pass over. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim. When she flees, he chases her but vanishes as he is hit by an ice cream truck driven by Hayden.
DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie knows that Eppsa is a ghost, but Eppsa doesn’t know she’s dead. He needs her since she can interact with the world.
Hayden AJ 2: Hayden and his 15-year-old son drive down the road with their music playing in the ice cream truck as they head to a neighborhood.
Eppsa PJ 2: Eppsa nervously talks to her neighbor for advice. The neighbor suggests talking to her clairvoyant friend, Clover.
INCITING INCIDENT: Eppsa talks to Clover and encounters an evil spirit.
Eppsa PJ 3: Eppsa is visiting a clairvoyant, Clover. She asks Clover to help her find Hayden. Eppsa is unaware that Clover only senses her presence as a ghost. Clover can’t locate Hayden just like in the prior sessions because he’s not dead. She senses an evil spirit in the room. Clover wants to know if Eppsa has seen any ghosts. Eppsa, embarrassed, lies and says no. Clover tells her to be cautious because an evil spirit is trying to attach itself to her. An evil spirit interrupts them by causing chaos. Both are afraid. Clover falls ill, and Eppsa leaves the store, unaware of the supernatural events about to unfold.
Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie scares Eppsa when he appears in her house. He tells her the name of the next victim before vanishing.
Eppsa PJ 4: Eppsa is terrified when Lonnie appears in her house. She thinks he’s the evil spirit trying to attach himself to her. Terrified, she begs him to leave. When he doesn’t leave, she throws things to scare him away.
TURNING POINT 1: Eppsa discovers the next victim’s name Lonnie gave her was real.
Eppsa PJ 5: In the obituary, Eppsa is shocked when she reads the name of the man Lonnie gave her.
ACT 2: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to talk to Lonnie. She’s given another victim’s name.
Eppsa PJ 6: Still wary and afraid, Eppsa, armed with things to ward off evil, goes to the cemetery for answers. She wants to know if he can see into the future or talk to people on earth because she wants to know about Hayden.
Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie laughs at Eppsa’s evil eye necklace, etc. and apologizes to her for scaring her. He doesn’t know Hayden. He tells her the name of the next victim, but he doesn’t how the victims are connected. The serial killer is smart, tricky and vindictive.
Hayden AJ 3: Hayden watches the news and sees another death by someone trying to do a TikTok challenge. It’s becoming an epidemic.
Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa reads the name of the victim Lonnie gave her. She calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She tries again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The cop only hears static on the phone because she’s a ghost.
Eppsa PJ 8: Eppsa is at the police station waiting to talk to someone. The cop tells her to wait on a bench and to be patient. She checks her watch because she has a funeral to attend. A cop points in her direction and motions her over. She passes by Hayden who is in a chair.
Hayden AJ 4: Hayden is at the police station to receive an award for trying to save someone. His wife and son are proud of him. Hayden shivers when Eppsa’s spirit passes him. He asks if the news is real saying all the recent deaths are from TikTok challenges.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him. He killed the person but made it look like he was trying to save them. He feels the spirit of his mother when she passes him.
Eppsa PJ 9: From across the room, Eppsa hears a cop yell to Hayden for his good work. She turns from the cop that supposedly called her over and rushes after Hayden, but he and his family are out the door. She overhears cops standing at their car say these last few deaths were because they tried dangerous TikTok challenges.
Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie appears outside the police station. He watches Eppsa run out. He goes and tells her there’s going to be another victim, but Eppsa tells him to leave her alone. She tries to do it quietly, so no one thinks she’s crazy talking to herself. She explains there’s no serial killer, just people dying from TikTok challenges. She’s late for a funeral and he needs to stop scaring her and pass over. She walks away before he says the next victim’s name.
Hayden AJ 5: Hayden volunteers at a homeless shelter. He passes out ice cream to everyone. He talks to an old high school friend who lives at the shelter. Hayden tells him they should get together next week.
Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie summons a bored little girl at a funeral to come over to him. He wants her to pass a message on to Eppsa. The next victim is a church member.
Eppsa PJ 10: Eppsa is late to a funeral. A little girl from the funeral comes up to her before she’s at the gravesite to tell Eppsa what Lonnie told her. (I don’t know if the little girl is alive and can see ghosts or if she is also a ghost.) Eppsa rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer to check on them. Pastor Palmer McKee catches her in the office. She apologizes and leaves.
Hayden AJ 6: Hayden and Evren sell ice cream in a ritzy neighborhood. He plays classical music for the parents but jokes around with the kids, making him respectful yet fun to everyone.
Eppsa PJ 11: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is unlocked. She goes inside and sees the woman dangling. The woman’s husband enters the front door, walks into the kitchen to find his dangling wife. Eppsa runs.
Hayden AJ 7: Hayden throws Evren an early birthday party. One of the kids’ parents was Hayden’s friend from school and will be another victim.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden discovers a dad of Evren’s friend was one of his high school friends who moved back to town.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Eppsa talks to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is the evil spirit.
Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa turns to Clover to see if she can help reveal the name of the serial killer. Clover can’t help her. She says an evil presence is in the room. Lonnie appears. Things fly. Eppsa tells Clover she’s being haunted by Lonnie’s evil spirit and to get rid of him. Clover’s face is scratched. She runs off.
Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie talks to Eppsa when she is with Clover. Clover can’t hear him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The evil spirit is Eppsa’s dead husband, not Lonnie.
Hayden AJ 8: Hayden and Evren serve ice cream at the soup kitchen.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden’s searching for his next victim.
Eppsa PJ 13: When Eppsa’s neighbor walks over, Eppsa hears a crash outside her house. She rushes to see. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young woman disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door after her neighbor enters. An evil spirit comes after them. The neighbor flees. Eppsa hides. She hears a crash upstairs. She goes upstairs and finds a picture on the floor and an amulet hanging on the wall in Hayden’s old room.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The ghost who is haunting Eppsa, which is her ghostly husband, wants her to find the amulet.
Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie talks to a victim who wants to pass over but can’t.
Hayden AJ 9: Driving in a poorly lit neighborhood in his ice cream truck, Hayden creeps along as he follows a man in a dark hoodie. The guy seems nervous and acts weird. Hayden follows him around another corner. The man starts to run. Hayden calls out. It’s his old friend with whom he got reacquainted with at Evren’s party. Hayden gives him a ride home.
ACT 3: Eppsa discovers Hayden was friends with all the victims and fears he is on the list. Lonnie helps Eppsa realize she’s a ghost.
Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa has a nightmare about her husband killing Hayden and himself. She tells her neighbor about the recurring nightmare.
Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa meets with Clover to get rid of Lonnie. Lonnie materializes during the session. An evil entity causes havoc. Clover says it’s not Lonnie, but a different and sinister spirit.
Lonnie PJ 9: Clover senses Lonnie and realizes he’s a good spirit who just has unfinished business. Eppsa needs to listen to him. Lonnie gives her the name of the next victim.
Hayden AJ 10: Hayden is at a bar with his homeless friend. They walk out of a bar and stop in a park. Hayden tells his friend that when Evren goes back to school, his friend could help sell ice cream for cash to get off the street. The friend says he’s had a rough life after they joined the cult. He never truly believed in Jesus and doesn’t believe in Satan. Hayden assures him Satan is real; just look at the world we live in.
Eppsa PJ 16: Eppsa encounters Hayden on the street when he’s drunk and hanging out with his homeless friend. Hayden sees Eppsa’s ghostly form. He yells at her thinking she’s a real woman who resembles his mom. He’s angry that his mom was weak and wasn’t there for him. She was the reason the family was torn apart. He passes out on the bench. Eppsa cries.
Eppsa PJ 17: Eppsa sees the obituary with the face of the homeless man who was with Hayden the day before. He has a tattoo that resembles the amulet. She looks through Hayden’s yearbook. The homeless man went to his high school. Eppsa is touched that there is a picture of a girl with a heart around her. An evil spirit creeps through her house. It closes a door. She thinks it’s Lonnie.
Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie manifests at her house, scaring her. He sees the amulet. He’s never seen anything like it. Eppsa tells him it’s an amulet Hayden had for protection and it’s also a tattoo on one of the victims.
Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa attends the funeral of the woman she saw hanging. She realizes it’s the woman in Hayden’s yearbook with a heart around her picture. Eppsa apologizes to Lonnie.
Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie and Eppsa talk after the funeral. She thinks there’s a link with Hayden’s high school friends. She believes the killer is after kids that attended Hayden’s school. She wants to find the killer to protect Hayden.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa must protect Hayden from the serial killer.
Hayden AJ 11: Hayden receives a key to the town. His wife, Neta, and Evren are proud of him, too.
Eppsa PJ 19: Eppsa talks to Clover trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. She also wants to speak to her dead husband, thinking he might be able to help her find Hayden since they were close. An evil spirit interrupts and shatters her crystal ball.
Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie is inside Eppsa’s house. He snoops through her stuff. He does something that makes Eppsa question his honesty or something.
Hayden AJ 12: Hayden kills someone in the back of the ice cream truck, while Evren is in front. Hayden shows Evren a gun and says he was protecting himself. He doesn’t want to tarnish his reputation, so they can’t tell anyone.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is grooming Evren.
Eppsa PJ 20: She finds a Satanic book in her bedroom closet amongst her husband’s clothes which are still in there.
Hayden AJ 13: Hayden encounters a malevolent, ghostly presence at his house. It does something that reminds him of his dad.
TURNING POINT 3: Eppsa is despondent and realizes the people dying all had been part of a Satanic cult. She now believes her husband is the ghost killing everyone.
Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman crying while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. It is the name of the teenager who killed himself after joining the Satanic cult.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The grandmother is a stuck spirit who is waiting for justice.
Lonnie AJ 13: Lonnie tells Eppsa to look to see if Hayden’s phone number is in the church registry.
Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa attends the funeral of the homeless man. She goes into the church and finds Hayden’s number. She talks to the Pastor Palmer McKee. She wants him to pray for Hayden’s safety.
Hayden AJ 14: Hayden and Evren make their rounds in the ice cream truck. They park across the street from the church where Eppsa sees them.
Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa calls and runs after Hayden and Evren, but she can’t catch up.
Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie finally talks to Clover because he’s worried about Eppsa.
Hayden AJ 15: Hayden and his family are celebrating something around a bonfire with a group of people. Hayden escorts Evren along with the other men into the woods. Evren comes out wearing an amulet. He proudly shows it off to his mom.
Eppsa PJ 24: Eppsa texts Hayden. He says it can’t be her because she’s gone and ruined their family. She’s been dead to him a long time. He won’t respond to her texts. She cries. An evil spirit reveals himself as her husband. He’s angry, chases her, and knocks things over. She hides and falls asleep in the closet.
ACT 4: Eppsa learns she’s a ghost and was murdered by her husband. She forces Hayden to kill himself.
Eppsa PJ 25: Eppsa is so anxious about Hayden’s safety, that she materializes in front of him at his house to tell him the ghost of his dad is killing people.
Hayden AJ 16: Hayden is doing something to the ice cream truck as a surprise for Evren’s birthday in a few days. Hayden sees his mom appear. He gets angry. He throws something at her. It goes through her. A demon steps out of Hayden. The demon morphs into her husband. He threatens to take her to Hell where she belongs. The demon says Hayden had to kill the people because they betrayed Satan. She’s confused and afraid. She says something about their old house. She disappears. The demon reenters Hayden. His eyes turn black and then returns to normal. Hayden thinks she’s gone for good.
Eppsa PJ 26: Eppsa is at the cemetery with Lonnie.
Lonnie PJ 15: Lonnie takes Eppsa to her gravesite and shows her the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She realizes the nightmares were real, but she was killed and not Hayden. They both vanish.
Hayden AJ 17: Hayden goes to his old house. The house is now dilapidated. He enters and looks around. He goes to his old room. The picture is on the floor and the amulet is missing from the wall.
Eppsa PJ 27: Eppsa appears and scares Hayden. She takes a step closer to him. Her spectral form seemingly unaffected by the physical barriers.
Hayden AJ 18: To manipulate Eppsa, Hayden talks to her like he’s a kid again and begs for forgiveness. She says he can’t kill people and get away with it. He says he can do whatever he wants. He sees the amulet that he came back to get. He grabs for it. Eppsa knocks it to the floor. He says it’s his amulet that was sanctified with his friend’s sacrificial blood. He reaches for it. She creates an unseen force around the amulet; it glows and shatters. It was to bond to his evil spirit that leaves his body. Eppsa’s energy builds as she holds him in place. The floorboard safe opens. A gun emerges. Her supernatural power overrides Hayden’s resistance. His hand involuntarily takes ahold of the gun. She seems to draw energy from his fear and vulnerability and makes him shoot himself for justice. A bigger and more malevolent, red-eyed spirit escapes Hayden, swooshes through the house, and vanishes.
Resolution: Eppsa, Lonnie, and the other spirits pass over finding peace. Evren gets keys to the ice cream truck on his 16<sup>th</sup> birthday. His fiddles with the amulet around his neck that he got with his dad at the picnic. His eye’s turn black and return to normal.
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Adrienne Watkins Character Actions Tracks! Module 4 Lesson 5
My Vision: I am going to work as hard as I reasonably am able to succeed at script writing to be recognized by multiple movie producers as a skilled script writer, and to have my scripts produced worldwide.
What I have learned from this assignment action is as important as dialogue.
Fransie (protagonist)- She’ fragile and emotional -sobs in private, as she walks down street watches families with children, laughing and playing.
Roy-protagonist-lonely, -when the band leaves at night, he stays in the music room listening to music.
Flavia-antagonist- tricky-locks Fransie out of the music room to keep her away from rehearsals.
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[WIM] Eden Young Module 4 —
Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks
My vision: I am going to be an empowered, wonderful writer that’s known for great dialogue and great characters that win audiences’ hearts.
What I learned from this assignment is how helpful it is to the story to get come up with character actions.
CALVIN KNIGHTLY
Calvin Opening: Calvin gets ready for work looking and moving around the kitchen like Keith Urban
Calvin takes a call on his cellphone, kisses Rebecca, and jumps in his 1967 olive green Austin Martin while still on the call. Honks and sails away.
Calvin goes to his usual drive through coffee on the way to work. Has an interesting encounter with a homeless guy who walks up to him in line at the drive through. Buys him coffee and gives him a $50.
Board meeting with Calvin, Jerry, CEO, COO, and the usual suspects. Calvin doodles with water color brush pen as Jerry and the guys mouth off. Jerry moves in on a deal; and everyone thinks he came up with the proposal. Calvin
Calvin immediately calls Cora frustrated
Cora AJ1: Cora helps Calvin nip this in the bud once and for all by having Calvin challenge Jerry to take the lead and do a task that only Calvin knows how to do that is essential for the deal.
Calvin invites Jerry to drinks and a poker game to “offer him the deal.” Jerry of course takes the bait.
Jerry has no clue and fails miserably. Calvin goes to Paul Hadley, the CEO and Owen Moss, COO to show them his rendering for the deal, proving he is the actual brains behind the deal. As they are shaking hands, in walks Jerry.
Calvin is about to prove to all that Jerry had no real part in the deal and but gets interrupted by Jerry who proposes a game of golf for the next day with clients (obviously buying himself time).
On the golf course, Calvin putts with a KM1 Miura club, sporting Metalwood Studio SU2 look with Flat front FW21 player pants, tempo stars polo, and shoes. He plays like dream but gets thwarted by Jerry Brokmeir at a golf game with clients and CEO. Jerry steals the show and steals back the credit. Calvin glares as Jerry, the clients, and CEO walk off. He goes into his imagination and plays a scene: martial arts battle. He & Jerry on the green. He kicks Jerry’s ass. The client & CEO applaud. He wakes up from the scene. The CEO & Client laughing, clapping, tapping Jerry on the back, as they climb into the golf cart and drive off.
Calvin calls Cora from the green.
Inciting Incident: Next day, Calvin is passed over for that promotion that he so deserves.
Calvin sees Jerry & Felicia court side at an epic basketball game with the CEO, and a Major client.
Calvin calls Cora at the game.
Calvin has Jerry paged
Rebecca and Calvin go to a gala. At a table with Rebecca’s peers and boss, Calvin starts to sweat profusely, and run his mouth like a 1940s film noir detective and James Bond, epic weird night. Calvin and Rebecca ballroom dance at the gala. The whole room breaks into applause.
Kids birthday at Jerry & Felicia’s: Calvin has a huge birthday cake with pinup girls wearing sashes that say Bye Felicia who pop out of it delivered to the party. Then destroys the party martial arts style. He “brings down the house.” The kids have a blast. He gets arrested.
Act 2:
Calvin PJ2:
Rebecca bails Calvin out; and then goes to her best friends.
Calvin, alone in the house calls Cora gets a busy signal and has a colossal melt down (this will be filmed like a music video).
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Calvin comes out of his epic breakdown looking like a samurai that has been through hell and rises like a phoenix owning his power. He takes a shower and dresses for
Calvin listens to a voicemail from Jerry telling him he’s been fired while reading an email informing him that after multiple attempts to contact him; Calvin has in fact been terminated.
Calvin smiles. Does a samurai cry and stance sporting his best suit.
Act 3:
Turning Point 3: Rebecca cracks into Calvin’s phone: sees 1000 calls to/ from “Mom” and listens to the voicemail.
Rebecca confronts Calvin about all the phone calls and his weird behavior.
Calvin bluffs and completely denies it. Playing it like nothing happened with his new found confidence leaving Rebecca charmed and perplexed.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Calvin has been “calling” all this time; Cora has been dead for 30 years.
Calvin PJ3: Calvin ditches his old phone and gets a new phone Phone (2) Nothing tech mobile phone.
Calvin has a stroke of genius, and goes to Italy to propose his own deal.
Act 4 Climax: Cora & Calvin a final meeting of the minds before going their separate ways (maybe even at a poker table or just a 2 shot: each in different, elegant dark rooms and on a phone. Cora’s like a boudoir and Calvin’s like a film noir setting)
Calvin PJ4: Calvin gets the Italian deal, returns home to claim his new life, and convinces Rebecca of his sanity.
Rebecca and Calvin decide together to sell their house and start a new and buy a winery.
Resolution: Flashback: Cora seals a letter. Calls 16 year old Calvin ends the call saying in her lavish way (like the Cheshire Cat):“Don’t be good just be great.”
Calvin’s resolution: He and Rebecca move to Napa/ Sonoma and start a winery. Calvin sets a beautiful, rustic outside table under a gorgeous tree, vineyards in the background.
CORA
Act 1: Calvin immediately calls Cora. Cora is lounging by a pool sipping a martini looking like an old movie star talking on a Crowley Kettle Classic phone.
Cora AJ1: Cora helps Calvin nip this in the bud once and for all by having Calvin challenge Jerry to take the lead and do a task that only Calvin knows how to do that is essential for the deal.
Deeper Layer: It turns out that Cora actually is the one that needs Calvin and keeps him hooked on calling her.
Cora is in a vintage room playing Mahjong. A maître d, brings a note on a silver platter. The note contains a list which the audience doesn’t see: but at the top in bold it says COMMITTING SUICIDE. Under that is driving her husband insane and pushing him away. Coveting Calvin. And the list goes on, regret after regret. At the end of the list in bold it states to move on you must tell your son the truth, let him know that none of this was his fault, and that you never meant to hurt him.
Cora just takes a drag on her cigarette, sips her drink, and says huh, we’ll see about that.
Maitre d presents a phone that rings. It’s Calvin at the basketball game.
Turning Point 1: Cora consoles Calvin; and then tells him to go all out. Go for Felicia & the kids.
Act 2:
Cora takes the receiver off the hook of her phone and resumes playing mahjong.
Cora AJ2: Cora begins to panic, feeling she is losing her touch and her hold on Calvin. Cora laughs uncontrollably.
Act 3:
Cora AJ3: Cora tries “calling” Calvin incessantly to no avail and begins to unravel. Checks herself out in the mirror. Pulls open a drawer that has pills, a dagger, and a gun all neatly placed. She slams the drawer shut.
Cora AJ4: Cora manages to locate Calvin’s new phone and dials. Close up on her as we hear the eternal ring with no answer. (This part and then cut to the setting of the table at the winery might be the best ending.)
Act 4 Climax: Cora & Calvin a final meeting of the minds before going their separate ways (maybe even at a poker table or just a 2 shot in dark rooms each on a phone. Maybe no words are spoken).
Resolution: Flashback: Cora seals a letter. Calls 16 year old Calvin ends the call saying in her lavish way (like the Cheshire Cat):“Don’t be good just be great.”
REBECCA
Opening kitchen scene: Rebecca is sipping coffee and going through magazines for an event. Talking to her husband as she looks at the magazines not missing a beat.
Inciting Incident: Basketball game. Rebecca and Calvin have decent seats (nothing to write home about). She sees her husband staring across the way getting amped up.
Rebecca is picking up that things are off. Looking and whispering at her best friend, Nicky.
Act 3:
Turning Point 3: Rebecca cracks into Calvin’s phone: sees 1000 calls to/ from “Mom” and listens to the voicemail.
Rebecca confronts Calvin about all the phone calls and his weird behavior.
Calvin bluffs and completely denies it.
Rebecca calls “Mom.” No answer.
Rebecca goes to stay at Nicky’s.
Act 4:
Calvin goes to Rebecca’s best friend’s house to convince Rebecca of his sanity. Rebecca makes Calvin do a forensics handwriting test realizing her husband is not crazy.
Rebecca and Calvin decide together to sell their house and start a new and buy a winery.
Resolution: Rebecca and Calvin move to Napa/ Sonoma and start a winery. Calvin sets a beautiful, rustic outside table under a gorgeous tree, vineyards in the background. Rebecca joins him and sets a bottle of wine on the table.
Close up on the label: image of a vintage phone R.C. Knightly Wines
Roll credits.
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Haley Chambers’ Character Action Tracks
Haley’s Vision: I am going to work hard to be recognized as a successful screenwriter with many of my scripts made into films/TV shows.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… You can add so much more character intrigue by having your characters take interesting actions. This will also help to define them from other characters.
ACT 1: Charlie is late for work due to a series of unfortunate events: wakes up late, can’t find his medication, lets the phone ring, misses the bus, starts raining and is splashed by a car, etc.
CHARLIE ACTION: These unfortunate events put Charlie in a stressful and relatable situation. He is a clumsy person, so he only adds to his misfortune. However, after missing the bus and getting splashed by a passing car, he looks into a rain puddle, and sees an artistic scene in the oil spill. This shows how he views the world in a creative way, and is very optimistic despite being put through it.
INCITING INCIDENT: Charlie is late to work, where he is yelled at by his mean boss. He is told he must take the holiday night shift or he is fired.
CHARLIE ACTION: Because of his self deprecating nature and social awkwardness, Charlie accepts defeat easily and apologizes while trying to get out of the spotlight.
TURNING POINT 1: While on his nightshift at the sandwich shop, Charlie is chased into a broom closet by a nightmare, where he discovers the Dream Factory.
CHARLIE ACTION: He panics and doesn’t fight back against the nightmare. He is a coward and hides in the broom closet and clings to a mop bucket.
HIDDEN LAYER: This cowardice action of running and hiding mimics his childhood when he would run and hide from his abusive mom.
ACT 2: Lionel Crowfoot, the Recruiter of the Dream Factory, recruits Charlie to return to the Dream Factory to learn how to combat his nightmare.
NEW PLAN: In order to gain back his peaceful sleep and rid himself of his nightmares, Charlie decides to return to the Dream Factory.
CHARLIE ACTION: When in the Dream Factory, Charlie is flustered and fearful. He is overwhelmed easily and constantly looking in every direction. He is also fascinated with the mechanics of how everything works.
PLAN IN ACTION: Charlie enters the Dream Factory and learns how to use his good dreams to combat his nightmares. He misses shifts at the sandwich shop as a result. He struggles to fight his nightmares, and in fear of them, he quits and leaves the Dream Factory.
CHARLIE ACTION: Charlie quickly struggles to combat nightmares because of his self doubt. There is no belief or confidence in his fighting, and his instinct is to run and hide.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Charlie gets into a fight with Rosie, and realizes that she has been covering for all of the shifts he missed. He decides to tell her about the Dream Factory. She doesn’t believe him.
ACT 3: Charlie walks home defeated. For the next few weeks, he shows up to work on time, never misses a shift, but is generally unhappy.
CHARLIE ACTION: Instead of facing his nightmares in the Dream Factory, Charlie chooses to avoid them by returning to the real world.
RETHINK EVERYTHING: Charlie runs into Henry, a homeless man at the bus stop who looks exactly like Lionel Crowfoot.
Charlie begins to realize that the Dream Factory is not what it seems.
CHARLIE ACTION: Charlie’s curiosity leads him to having a conversation with a stranger. He is not assertive and accusatory, he simply approaches Homeless Henry as if he were a friend.
NEW PLAN: Find out what the Dream Factory really is. Charlie decides to return to the Dream Factory, which means facing his fears.
TURNING POINT 3: Nightmares begin to flood into the Dream Factory.
CLIMAX: Charlie enters the Founder’s Clock Tower in the Dream Factory, to confront the Founder, who turns out to be himself.
CHARLIE ACTION: His big hero moment is not some grand combat showdown, because it is not one of his strengths. He is not a fighter, he is a person with a big heart. When he is faced with his past, he is able to compliment and have kindness for his younger self. He realizes that he should have more kindness to himself.
When faced against his nightmare, he instead approaches it with love, instead of fighting it off like he has been taught.
RESOLUTION: Charlie returns to the sandwich shop with a new sense of self love and understanding.
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BENT’S CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS
MY VISION IS FOR THIS TO A WELL RECEIVED CHRISTMAS BLOCKBUSTER
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT WAS …. I AM FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT MY CHARACTERS. LITTLE THINGS AND THEY BECOME BIG THINGS NOT ALWAYS IN A POSITIVE WAY.
ACT ONE – WE SEE A RUSSIAN SUB LEAVING AN ARCTIC POST WITH RED AND WHITE COLORING ON IT. A SCOUT ELF SEARCHING FOR SIGNS OF KRAMPUS IS ATTACKED BY A PACK OF DEMONS AND ULTIMATELY KRAMPUS.
AJ – AN ELF NAMED INDIGO WITNESSES THE GENERAL TALKING TO SANTA WHO IS DRESSING FOR HIS TRAVEL TO DELIVER.
THERE IS TENSION BETWEEN THE GENERAL AND SANTA.
PJ – THE GENERAL IS DEMANDING THAT SANTA OPEN THE NORTH POLE TO MORE OIL DRILLING TO RUSSIAN, CANADA AND USA. AND SANTA REFUSES.
AJ – THE SCOUT SLEIGH LANDS ROUGHLY AT THE NORTH POLE WITH DEAD REINDEER AND ONLY A FEW PULLING IT. INDIGO CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HE SEES.
The driver of the sleigh is beaten and bloodied. He is slowly pulled out of a crashed sleigh unconscious.
PJ – THE GENERAL DEMANDS AGAIN THE NORTH POLE BE OPEN TO MORE DRILLING SO THEY CAN MILITARIZE THE CONTINENT.
he wants weapons. he wants it to be a part of the United Nations and with NATO because eventually it will be in their best interest to protect themselves from rogue nations.
DEEPER LAYER – THE GENERAL WANTS MORE POWER.
ACT TWO – TIME TO DELIVER PRESENTS.
Santa leads the sleighs to deliver to Ireland and Iceland and Greenland. Hours later he returns with the rest of the sleighs empty.
Hazela watches from her window as the sleighs land on the tarmac. Fresh reindeer are harnessed and the tired ones are herded to the back where the food is for them. She’s captivated. Indigo sees this and tells her it is boring to watch that stuff.
AJ – INDIGO’S SISTER WANTS TO SEE THE WORLD AND ASKS TO GO ON A SLEIGH. HER PARENTS REFUSE SAYING SHE’S TOO YOUNG. INDIGO TELLS HER THAT KRAMPUS IS OUT THERE AND IT IS TOO SCARY. NOT EVEN HE WANTS TO TRAVEL AND WILL STAY AT THE NORTH POLE.
DEEPER LAYER – INDIGO SUFFERS FROM A FEAR OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
AJ – THE GENERAL REFUSES TO TRAVEL WITH SANTA AND THE ELVES AS THEY GO TO CANADA TO BEGIN DELIVERIES AS HE FEELS HE NEEDS TO INVESTIGATE THIS ATTACK DOWN IN UNITED STATES.
PJ – SISTER HAZELA GOES TO HER ROOM AND THEN ESCAPES FROM THEIR SECOND FLOOR AND RUNS TO THE LAUNCHING AREA. INDIGO ENTERS HER ROOM TO CALL HER TO DINNER AND FINDS HER DESCENDING DOWN THE ROOF. HE TRIES TO GO AFTER HER BUT HE’S AFRAID.
Mother and Father are sitting down ready to eat and they hear Indigo calling his sister with no response.
DEEPER LAYER – HE HAS A FEAR OF HEIGHTS.
AJ- THE GENERAL INTERROGATES THE WOUNDED SCOUT ELF ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF KRAMPUS AND DETAILS.
PJ – INDIGO RUNS TO THE TARMAC. PARENTS ARE WAY BEHIND. HE BELIEVES HE SEES HIS SISTER AROUND THE SLEIGHS SO HE IS SEARCHING THE SLEIGHS. HE LOOKS IN AS MANY AS HE CAN THEN HE FALLS INTO ONE NEAREST THE STARTING LINE. IT TAKES OFF AS HE STRUGGLES TO GET OUT BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S IN THE SKY.
AJ- THE GENERAL IS SUITING UP AS THE MOM AND DAD ARE LOOKING FOR THEIR SON AND DAUGHTER. THE GENERAL AND FATHER END UP IN A HEATED DISCUSSION. WE LEARN THE FATHER WAS PREVIOUSLY SANTA SOME YEARS AGO AND KRAMPUS RIPPED OUT HIS ARM.
DEEPER LAYER – THE FATHER IS BITTER OVER LOSING HIS ROLE AS SANTA AS IT IS COVETED.
ACT 3 – SANTA AND THE ELVES DELIVER TO NORTH AMERICA WHERE KRAMPUS IS LOCATED. HAZELA IS KIDNAPPED BY KRAMPUS AND THE DEMONDS
PJ – INDIGO LEARNS THE ART OF DELIVERING PRESENTS AT THE SAME TIME SEARCHING FOR HIS SISTER. AT ONE HOUSE HE MEETS A CHILD WHO DIDN’T FALL ASLEEP.
DEEPER LAYER – HE LEARNS FROM THIS LITTLE KID THAT THEY ARE SIMILAR IN MANY WAYS.
PJ – KRAMPUS ENTERS THE HOME AND TAKES THE BOY. IN HIS SACK IS THE SISTER. INDIGO IS FROZEN IN FEAR.
ACT 4 – FINAL BATTLE
THERE IS ALWAYS ACCOUNTING OF ELVES BEFORE THEY MOVE ON TO THE NEXT NEIGHBORHOOD. INDIGO COMES UP MISSING. THEY KNOW WHERE HE WAS DELIVERING. HE IS FOUND HUDDLED IN FEAR AND THEY GRAB HIM TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE SLEIGH. THEY ALL SEE KRAMPUS ESCAPING WITH A BAG OF CHILDREN AND HAZELA INSIDE.
PJ – HE IS IN FEAR FOR HIS LIFE AND HELPLESS. THE GENERAL LANDS DOWN NEXT TO HIS SLEIGH.
AJ – THE GENERAL TAKES IN ALL THE DETAILS THAT HE CAN BY PRESSURING INDIGO FOR INFORMATION. THAT SLEIGH IS ORDERED TO TRANSFER PRESENTS TO ANOTHER FREED UP SLEIGH. AND TO TAKE INDIGO BACK TO THE NORTH POLE.
THE ELVES OBLIGE THEIR ORDER FROM THE GENERAL BUT INDIGO PROTESTS AS HE MUST GET HIS SISTER BACK.
AJ – THE GENERAL FEELS NO EMPATHY AND CONSIDERS HER A LOSS. THE SAFETY OF THE MANY OUTWEIGHS THE LIVES OF A FEW HE SAYS.
PJ- INDIGO IS IN SHOCK KNOWING HE HAS LOST HIS SISTER FOREVER.
DEEPER LAYER – THE GENERAL IS FOCUSED ON GETTING SANTA KILLED AND NOTHING ELSE.
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