Lesson 5

[Jack Young]

Jack Young’s Layers and Reveals for “STREAM”

What I learned doing this assignment is that the more dramatic moments (reveals) and layers we add, the more we will capture the viewer. I have added layers/reveals below to the outline:

Teaser: Michael drowns as a young boy. He has flashes of a raging energy stream with souls of people screaming as they whiz by. Then he finds himself floating in an ocean of souls. Above him a huge sacred stone seal with ancient inscriptions moves closer and closer towards him. The seal turns into a gateway. He peers into an ancient world where a sorcerer stands working his evil magic. He turns as if he has seen Michael watching him. His brother resuscitates him and gives him a cryptic message about his future.

Act 1:

Essence: Michael has a good life with wife and son although he has been eating aspirin like candy. His wife is worried about his severe headaches. On his way to work, we get glimpses of riots (No-birth). At work an elderly woman is upset about her house being repossessed and commits suicide in front of Michael. She, too, has eerie, cryptic message for Michael (“You’ll be coming soon.”). Secretary at work is upset with Michael about ending his affair with her. During chaos of suicide and secretary being upset, he gets call from his friend, Kevin, that his stock deal went bad. Michael leaves for lunch while the police wrap up the suicide scene.

Turning Point: Michael’s stock deal goes bad

Reveals/Layers:

1) During drive to work, we get a reveal of the chaos in the streets created by the no-birth crisis. (Layer)

2) Secretary is upset in office and reveals affair with Michael. (Reveal)

3) Friend Kevin calls with bad news about trading deal being suspended. Reveals Michael used insider information to buy stock. (Reveal)

Act II:

Essence: Michael stops at bar to get a drink and his to get his head together. Police cars whiz by. At bar, news on the bar TV talks about ongoing no-birth crisis. Old guy at the bar makes jokes about the government experimenting with monkeys to create babies that are half-human and half monkey. Michael goes to a table and gulps down more aspirin while downing a drink. His girlfriend stops in and they have fight. She tells him that the FBI came by work to arrest him. She told them Michael was probably at his hangout. As she finishes, the FBI pulls up. Michael tries to run out the back and runs into the FBI. His headache rages to the point where he collapses. Michael is in hospital. His wife is on the edge of the bed going over how Michael lost all of their funds, had an affair, broke the law, etc. Doctor takes Michael out of room to tell her that Michael has terminal brain cancer. Michael watches a show on TV with the Professor explaining his theory of what caused the no-birth. He tries to change the channel but he’s on every channel. He realizes that one of his eyes is blind. Diane helps Michael to car as debris blows down street. A paper wraps around her leg. The obituary shows Michael’s death in 3 days. Michael says he needs to find Professor. At professor’s house, they meet astral team and he tells Michael about the stream. Diane doesn’t believe it.

Midpoint: The Professor takes Michael and Diane into the astral plane and shows them the raging stream and souls captured in it.

Reveals/Layers:

1) News in bar reveals desperation over the no-birth crisis. (Layer)

2) His girlfriend stops in bar and reveals that FBI has warrant for Michael’s arrest. (He hasn’t talked with his buddy until NOW). (Reveal)

3) Girlfriend is revealed to wife when she arrives at bar. Cop calls girlfriend his “wife” (Reveal)

4) Buddy tells Michael that he created problem by getting greedy and buying too much stock.

5) Doctor reveals that headaches are associated with advanced brain cancer. (Reveal)

6) Mysterious obituary reveals Michael will die in 3 days. (Reveal)

7) The astral world and the Stream are revealed to Michael and Diane. (Reveal)

Act III:

Essence: Michael and Diane stay at professor’s house. Michael and Diane are told that he must die to enter stream. Diane is against it. Michael wants to be forgiven and realizes NOW that without someone going into stream, their son won’t have a family. Thomas preps Michael for the journey. Michael thinks that he sees his dead brother and follows. In the pouring rain, he sees the ancient one (sorcerer) appear through the portal. The ancient sorcerer looks directly at Michael. Suddenly, the portal turns into headlights of a truck. Someone grabs him and pulls him to safety. It’s his wife.

Turning Point: Michael dies and is thrust into the stream.

Reveals/Layers:

1) Professor reveals that the only way into the stream is to die. (Reveal)

2) A mystical world where there exists a sorcerer is revealed (Reveal/Layer)

Act IV:

Michael revisits the highlights of his life as his soul leaves his body and he enters the Astral plane. The Astral team, guided by the Professor, ensures that Michael enters the Stream and is on his way to the other side. When parents arrive they call police. Using the son’s help, they find Michael’s body and seize it.

Turning Point: Michael’s body is seized by the police. The Professor warns that if they don’t get his body back, he will not be able to return.

Reveals/Layers:

1) Michael’s relationship with his brother as a youth and in the troubling times are revisited by Michael. (Layer)

2) Michael’s brother warns him of eminent danger that awaits him. (Reveal)

Act V:

Essence: The professor escapes and manages to get Diane out of jail. They steal Michael’s body back. Michael arrives in the Ocean of Souls (Heaven). Michael is plucked from the Ocean of Souls and is given a new “Skin”.

Turning Point/Cliffhanger: Michael arrives on the planet in an artificial skin. (Not city of seals)

Reveals/Layers:

1) Michael thinks he’s in Heaven but it gets revealed that it’s merely a holding tank. (Reveal)

2) It’s revealed as to what is at the other end of the stream. (Reveal/Layer)

[Madeleine Vessel]

Madeleine Vessel’s Layers and Reveals

Doing this assignment, I learned how to grow my outline by adding layers and reveals. I like the way it’s coming along.

1. List of the Layers and Reveals that could fit into each act of the pilot.

Act 1

Surface: He’s a passenger on a Russian Ship of The Line (1846), who witnesses a dramatic rescue of passengers from a sinking sailing ship.

Layer beneath: The painting Sophie is cleaning depicts the rescue at sea seen by the man.

How revealed: Underneath dirt and cracked varnish, the painting is signed by Ivan Aivazovsky, the official painter of the Imperial Russian Navy and the greatest seascape painter of all time.

Act 2

Surface: Two Cyrillic words are carved into the Aivazovsky painting’s frame. Translated into English, they read, “Immortal Movement”.

Cover up: Immortal Movement is from a quote by Karl Marx.

Layer beneath: The Immortal Movement was a resistance group dedicated to keeping Russia’s cultural heritage from being sold out of Russia by Lenin to finance the Bolshevik Revolution.

How revealed: The Immortal Movement is named in an old diary Sophie finds in Falisa’s self-storage unit.

Act 3

Surface: Professor Sophie Wolf is a modest academic, whose scholarship informs the Russian Art Exhibit entitled, Russian Master Paintings, 1870-1925, and who does her best to coverup her credentials and her past accomplishements.

Layer beneath: Sophie does not advertise her credentials because she is trying to avoid being identified by Russia’s FSB.

How revealed: Sophie’s U. S. Witness Protection Status is revealed when she visits Zhora in the hospital and meets FBI Agent Bill Hillman, who tells her Zhora thinks the shooters were enemies from his past.

Act 4

Surface: Vitaly Burundukov poses as a wealthy Russian businessman and donor to Sophie’s Russian Art Exhibit.

Layer beneath: Vitaly Burundukov is actually the art thief bent on obtaining Falisa’s paintings.

How revealed: At the end of season 1, Sophie catches Vitaly trying to sell stolen Old Russian Masters worth millions.

Act 5

Surface: Zhora and Falisa are shot by Russians. Zhora thinks they are enemies from his FSB past.

Layer beneath: The Russians are really art thieves at Falisa’s house to steal her Old Russian Master.

How revealed: At night, Sophie and Bill sneak behind the crime scene tape at Falisa’s house and verify that her Old Russian Masters are gone.

OUTLINE VERSION 2 – including layers and reveals

(S) stands for Sophie; (B) stands for Bill; (Z) stands for Zhora

Act 1

Essence: Opens with (S) cleaning an Ivan Aivazovsky painting that belongs to Falisa, her father’s fiancée. (S) is an art history professor and painter, who cleans paintings on the side. She, along with her father, are Russian defectors living under assumed identities in the U. S. Witness protection program.

Turning Point: (Z) and Falisa are shot outside Falisa’s house by Russian gunmen. Critically injured, Zhora is transported to the hospital. Dead, Falisa is transported to the morgue in a body bag.

Surface: He’s a passenger on a Russian Ship of The Line (1846), who witnesses a dramatic rescue of passengers from a sinking sailing ship.

Layer beneath: The painting Sophie is cleaning depicts the rescue at sea seen by the man.

How revealed: Underneath dirt and cracked varnish, the painting is signed by Ivan Aivazovsky, the official painter of the Imperial Russian Navy and the greatest seascape painter of all time.

Act 2

Essence: Zhora and Sophie fear the Russian shooters are enemies from Zhora’s Russian past with FSB. Not only are they in danger of being exterminated, but they may also have to start over their lives again in the U. S. Witness Protection Program.

(S Opening) (S) meets (B) in (Z’s) hospital room. She learns that Bill is an FBI Agent and that (Z) is his informant. It shocks (S) to realize that (Z) hasn’t been living by the rules of witness protection.

(S Turning Point 1) Sophie learns that (Z) believes the shooters were FSB. The ramifications of this are too terrible for (S) to contemplate. Either, they will be on the run from FSB, or they will be forced to reenter witness protection under new names and occupations.

(B) promises to take care of (Z) and (S).

(S Midpoint) (S) returns home to find the alarm off. There’s an intruder in the house. She calls (B), but he doesn’t pick up. She investigates on her own and comes face-to-face with one of the intruders, who get away down the back stairs.

(S and B Turning Point) (B) and (S) find nothing in her apartment that would draw FSB. They do find that the intruders seem very interested in (S’s) paintings. This prompts (S) to think the Russians might be art thieves, not Russians.

Surface: Two Cyrillic words are carved into the Aivazovsky painting’s frame. Translated into English, they read, “Immortal Movement”

Layer beneath: The Immortal Movement was a resistance group dedicated to keeping Russia’s cultural heritage from being sold out of Russia by Lenin to finance the Bolshevik Revolution.

How revealed: The Immortal Movement is named in an old diary Sophie finds in Falisa’s self-storage unit.

Act 3

Essence: Bill and Sophie search her apartment for clues to why the Russians were there.

(B) finds nothing that would draw FSB, but he does notice that the Russian intruders seemed very interested in (S’s) paintings.

Surface: Professor Sophie Wolf is a modest academic, whose scholarship informs the Russian Art Exhibit entitled, Russian Master Paintings, 1870-1925, and whose credits are minimal.

Layer beneath: Sophie does not advertise her credentials because she is trying to avoid being identified by Russia’s FSB.

How revealed: Sophie’s U. S. Witness Protection Status is revealed when she visits Zhora in the hospital and meets FBI Agent Bill Hillman, who tells her Zhora thinks the shooters were enemies from his past.

Act 4

Essence: (B) and (S) form an alliance to find out the real reason the Russians shot (Z) and Falisa. They determine the shooters were art thieves, not FSB.

(S) reveals that she has been cleaning one of Falisa’s paintings in her faculty office and that the painting may well be an Old Russian Master. I could be that the Russians were after that painting.

Surface: Vitaly Burundukov is a wealthy Russian businessman and donor to Sophie’s Russian Art Exhibit.

Layer beneath: Vitaly Burundukov is the art thief bent on obtaining Falisa’s paintings.

How revealed: At the end of season 1, Sophie catches Vitaly trying to sell stolen Old Russian Masters worth millions.

Act 5

Essence: Bill takes Sophie with him to Falisa’s house to verify whether or not her Old Russian Masters have been stolen.

(S and B midpoint) (S) and (B) find all Falisa’s paintings gone. The Russians are determined art thieves, not FSB.

Now, the pressure is on (B) to identify the Russians, so (S) and (Z) will not attract public attention and, by extension, FSB attention.

Surface: Zhora and Falisa are shot by Russians. Zhora thinks they are enemies from his FSB past.

Layer beneath: The Russians are really art thieves at Falisa’s house to steal her Old Russian Master.

How revealed: At night, Sophie and Bill sneak behind the crime scene tape at Falisa’s house and verify that her Old Russian Masters are gone.

[Eric Humble]

Eric Humble’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is: how to create layers and reveals that deepen and intensify the story more than exposition. While I’ve worked with layers and reveals before, this exercise really gave me the tools to tell/explore some of the aspects of the story that up until now were a little sketchy and undefined for me. In particular, the New Information Reveal model really has helped to deliver some parts of the story powerfully which I think might have come across muddled or too overly-complicated if I had used a Deeper Layer.

Teaser:

New information reveal:

A phone bleeping off the hook. Broken glass. Liquid in different colors snake around the broken glass.

It’s a rack of test tubes which has overturned on a desk and shattered on the floor. Computer monitors showing DNA strands and intricate codes. We’re in a hi-tech lab. Among the items on the desk is a cardboard carrier for takeout coffees… and a pistol.

A figure, obscured – blurry – his back to us, is hefting something heavy.

A lab assistant lies dead, eyes wide and bloodshot. Blood and vomit crusting around his mouth. There are others. All the dead faces anguished. Blood still dripping from their slack mouths.

Jude raises his head from the floor. Blood trickles down his temple. He touches it tenderly – a bad-looking welt.

There’s an undrunk cup of coffee on the table above him, with a plastic spill-proof stopper still in the lid.

Jude blinks, focuses… and figure comes into sharper focus. He’s a tall man with a broad frame. And what he’s hefting is a 10-gallon gas can. He sloshes it all over the place. The desks, the monitors. Centrifuges. Erlenmeyer flasks.

Jude weakly rises… sees the gun. Moves for it – but the figure gets there first. Aims it point-blank at Jude’s face. And as he’s facing us, we see that he’s dressed in black – with a MASK.

He nods to the undrunk coffee and asks Jude if he’s sure he doesn’t want to end this quick and easy, like the others? Jude refuses.

The man pistol-whips Jude – a second-time, it would seem – causing another bleeding welt. Jude, stunned, falls back to the ground in time to see the figure light a jet of gas intended to heat test-tubes.

The man ducks out. Jude, semi-conscious, crawls to safety outside. From a hill, he watches the lab explode into flames.

ACT 1:

Jude studies the DNA of ancient remains – and come close to a cure for cancer in a skeleton that appears to have been murdered. (By the cabal.)

New Information Reveal:

The lab is quiet. Jude at first appears to be the only one in there, typing away while rocking out on his earbuds. Then we see a whole staff of ten lab assistants, standing together, tense, watching monitors with bated breath. Jude swivels over to a slab on which a patient (obscured) lays still. He injects a liquid into the person’s arm. The monitors go haywire – data flashing, scrolling, rapid calculations being made. The staff disperses urgently to their workstations, calling out gobbeldegook about compounds and elements… but there’s a problem. The radioactive substance he injected is too corrosive, it’s damaging the tissue. Jude appears unphased, bops and dances to his music – and calms them by pointing to his own screen, which is calm compared to theirs. It has a model of DNA helix… and beside it, a macro-closeup of scary-looking disease cell… cancer. The calculations on this screen are minimal… and start decelerating the cancerous cell, shrinking it… when… the patient’s arm CRUMBLES. Jude’s screen declares failure. Jude pulls out his earbuds, tosses them on the table in anger. He whips up the sheet on the patient – it’s a dusty, ancient skeleton, flesh half-preserved and petrified on the bones. He demands of the computer where they went wrong – was it the radioactive tracer? No, it was the sample… it contained trace amounts of the cure he sought, but not enough. One of the assistants assures him he’s close. Jude doesn’t listen to him, storms out.

Marks wants to bring Jude on… but really he’s trying to get his system so they can track Dres and the immortals.

Surface cover up presented as reality:

Marks has a car pick up Jude unexpectedly—and take him to an idyllic rooftop garden: this could all be yours. Wants him to join the team—name your price. Jude doesn’t agree with the aggressively for-profit philosophy.

A major disruption to that “reality!” The cabal leader hints that his failure must be met with punishment, implying assassination… sends him to the “penance room,” where failures never return.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. Asks the leader to accompany him – in fact, to go first. Then pitches the room that he didn’t fail at all… Jude holds a system by which they can track the bloodlines using DNA tech. He let him live because he’s bringing that system in, to them. Collateral damage was that he couldn’t strategically kill Dres while she was with him. But his men are already arranging the next hit opportunity.

ACT 2:

The active shooter appears to be a deranged man… but turns out to be a pharmaceutical tech who recently got a grant for research into cancer drugs for his start-up. He was being forced to do this under threat of his family being killed.

Surface cover up presented as reality: Active shooter seems disheveled – ill-fiiting suit, unshaven, muttering to himself as he lingers outside, is spotted by security who hustle him away… until he shows them an invite. Nervous to go through a metal detector… although he passes through. Then takes out an automatic rifle that has been 3D printed.

A major disruption to that “reality!” He comes right up to Jude, point-blank… and Jude recognizes him. He seems about to confess something to Jude – when his gun goes off, winging Catherine! Then the cops shoot him right in front of Jude.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. Catherine asks who the shooter was. Jude tells her he was the chief engineer of the antiseptic they just treated her wound with. He wasn’t having hard times—in fact, he just signed a seven figure contract with Marks’s company.

Dres appears to be an influential exec… but her company is nonexistent and she took millions from the real exec. She’s a con artist, and is untraceable.

Surface cover up presented as reality. Dres appears to be an influential exec…She’s regaling her mark with how they can use the same model as the opioid crisis with a new drug for treating depression… gets CEO’s attention, and has him hooked.

A major disruption to that “reality!” She confers with her partner outside… she’s copied the exec’s phone—they have access to the escrow account. Time to reel him in.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. She makes her pitch, and allows him to outmaneuver her in negotiations—for an investment and a position as lead on the team, she’d be willing to sell them the formula on a proprietary basis. No licensing, it would just be theirs. His eyes light up.

Later, Jude tries to find out who she was—and the guy flies off the handle, wants him to keep silent about her. Then starts at the phone ringing. Warns Jude off—she’s not who she says she is. Then tells him he’d have better look warning another exec whom he saw her with earlier that night.

Jude catches Dres working a hustle on someone and puts a stop to it… only to find out this was her way of getting to talk to him alone. She warns him he’s in grave danger and gets him out.

Surface cover up presented as reality: Goes to the CEO’s company to inquire about her… learns from a passing employee that he saw her, overheard her to talking to Jack and making plans for lunch at the bistro on 51st and 8th.

A major disruption to that “reality!” The one she’s talking with is the same “employee” who told her about the meet. Jude recognizes him from earlier.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. She pulls a knife on him and forces him to answer why they didn’t kill him. He’s either one of them… or someone she can use.

ACT 3:

Dres’s mother was killed by the same cabal.

New Information Reveal:

She has a mission for him – in exchange for disposing of the body. Go to a spot under the bridge and lay a rose at a certain spot.

He goes there, but is followed.

It’s an unmarked grave.

There’s a mask in the dirt.

Once he’s isolated, the man following him fixes on a mask, too.

Someone is watching him through a rifle site.

A drug dealer comes up to him. He says the words she tells him, passes the guy a fifty, and gets a bag of pills… painkillers which are manufactured by Marks’s company. The cover of buying drugs causes the watchers to back down.

He looks up the corner in the news – the only instance of a crime occurred seventy years ago. So whoever’s buried there, the crime must not have been reported… so he assumes.

His brother committed suicide when a masked group tormented him.

New Information Reveal:

His brother in a dorm, depressed.

His brother has leukemia, needs meds.

People are mocking his illness – with disturbing pictures.

He sets up surveillance, watches the building all night… no one. But still another disturbing picture shows up in his room.

Asks brother if he’s doing this himself, causes a rift.

Sees someone in a mask watching brother. While he’s getting chemo, Jude follows him… is led into a field where he’s surrounded by the masked people. They beat him and hog tie him. He’s left all night. When he’s found and untied, he returns to campus to discover his brother hanger himself in the quad.

No trace of the masked group ever again.

Marks is a member of the cabal… and is not in good standing with them.

Surface cover up presented as reality: Powerful CEO, makes the markets move with a single decision. Constantly making decisions that affect millions. Looks over the city like a king.

A major disruption to that “reality!” He’s summoned during a board meeting – and cuts the meeting short.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. He puts on a mask and descends into the secret temple where the cabal meets – and is screamed at and humiliated by the Leader.

ACT 4:

The people after Dres are powerful and dangerous – and have the ability to commit brazen murders and cover them up completely.

Surface cover up presented as reality: He goes to his CEO friend who is tight with Attorney General. Wants help clearing his name and negotiating his cooperation. CEO throws his weight behind it and gives him full access to their legal team.

A major disruption to that “reality!” While he’s waiting, he sees through the window – the CEO plummets 60 stories to his death.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way. Police detectives says it was a heart attack. Jude protests – he saw what happened. Demands to see the body. Detective nods to CEO’s widow – it’s in her possession. She tells him she found CEO in bed dead of a heart attack. He protests again that they need to bring these people to justice… then notices the widow’s hand is shaking. She grips his hand tightly and insists it was a heart attack. Everyone finally rests and disperses when Jude comments that CEO’s heart was always weak these last few years.

ACT 5:

Catherine seems to be having delusions/hallucinations based on the historical novels she’s reading triggered by her brain cancer… but really she’s an immortal and these are memories.

Surface cover up presented as reality: Delusional… has an episode in an embarrassing place.

A major disruption to that “reality!” She claims it must have something to do with the historical novels she’s been reading… but the neurologist finds it strange. He’s also read those, and the things she was talking about predate the time period in the book.

Which gives us the reveal in a dramatic way: Eventually, by the end of the season, we learn Catherine is immortal.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – LAYERS AND REVEALS

What I learned from doing this assignment is, well, for me it seems that discovering the characters’ dilemmas makes discovering layers and reveals easier for me.

Layers, cover ups and reveals:

LAYER: Kate’s dilemma: to get closer to Ferrandini and risk involvement or keep a safe distance?

KATE COVERS UP HER TRUE IDENTITY: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Her encounter with Rhett propels her to go spy intensely on the target, Ferrandini.

TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP REVEALS KATE AS A SPY: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Pinkerton presses Kate to cut off the relationship.

LAYER: Pinkerton’s dilemma: to push Kate to go deeper or to protect the daughter he never had?

KATE COVERS UP HER TRUE IDENTITY: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Kate’s decision to go on a date with Ferrandini pushes Pinkerton to the limit.

LAYER: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Pinkerton assigns her to Lincoln’s protective care.

LAYER: Lincoln’s dilemma: to appear as a strong and macho leader or to risk accepting vicious ridicule in order to preserve the Union?

KATE REVEALS THE PLOT: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Kate’s report to Judd detailing the plot.

FREDERICK REVEALS CORROBORATION: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: When Frederick arrives with General’s Scott’s report, which independently corroborates Pinkerton’s assessment completely, Lincoln chooses to embrace ridicule in order to preserve the Union.

LAYER: Ferrandini’s dilemma is: who do I trust? Kate or Pinkerton? Pincer trap. But Kate gets too close and becomes vulnerable.

KATE AND PINKERTON COVER UP THEIR TRUE IDENTITIES: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: The public spat between Kate and Pinkerton in the hotel lobby succeeds in getting Ferrandini to protect Kate.

TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP REVEALS KATE AS A SPY: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Kate disappears. Ferrandini is hurt and crushed.