Lesson 5

[Joan Butler]

Rewrite Day 5 Character Story Lines

I learned that dilemmas give depth to my characters. I need dilemmas for Mark and Bella.

1. Elizabeth

Opening: She’s a mentally abused woman living with Mark, her abusive husband.

Inciting Incident: Mark throws his breakfast dishes. She is scalded when coffee splashes on her arm.

Turning Point 1: She decides to come for counseling.

Midpoint: She discovers Selma, the counselor, has lied to her.

Turning point 2: Mark threatens to ruin her career. She decides to go back to him.

Dilemma: She can stay at the shelter and let Mark ruin her career or she can go back to him and be abused. She decides she would rather die than give up her career because it’s all she has.

Major Conflict: Mark tries to kidnap her. She defeats him.

Ending: She and Selma create a worldwide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

2. Mark

Opening: He is a respected surgeon who lives with Elizabeth and abuses her.

Inciting Incident: Elizabeth flees.

Turning Point 1: He discovers where she is staying but thinks it’s a Retreat Center.

Midpoint: His dog dies. He falls apart. He lives in his car and spies on the shelter.

Turning Point 2: He confronts Selma and discovers that the Retreat Center is actually a shelter for abused women.

Dilemma: ?

Major Conflict: He tries to kidnap Elizabeth.

Ending: He is arrested by police who don’t respect him.

3. Jasmine

Opening: (before the story begins) She lives with Clarence, her abusive boyfriend who breaks her arm.

Inciting incident: She gives birth to a baby girl.

Turning Point 1: Selma lets her stay at the shelter even though Selma knows that no children are allowed. Jasmine is adamant that she will not go back to Clarence.

Midpoint: Her father says she and the baby are not welcome with him and his wife.

Dilemma: To stay at the shelter for three weeks then raise her daughter by herself or return to Clarence, suffer more abuse, but have his help raising their daughter. She decides to return to him because she has no one else.

Major Conflict: Elizabeth tries to stop Jasmine from taking the baby to Clarence.

Ending: She and the baby are killed by Clarence.

4. Gaia

Opening: She manages the shelter. She is looking for a counselor to follow a step-by-step process with brainwashed victims of domestic abuse to find out if it will keep them from returning to their abusers. She misses her dead daughter.

Inciting incident: She interviews Selma.

Turning Point 1: She offers the job to Selma and Selma takes it.

Midpoint: She demands that Selma change her approach to Elizabeth after she flees from Selma.

Dilemma: To agree to lose her job if the experiment doesn’t work or to keep her job safe by canceling the experiment. Show this on screen.

Major Conflict: Gaia vs her boss, Petra who believes that counseling is a waste of money.

Ending: Gaia keeps her job when Selma convinces Elizabeth to not return to Mark. She becomes a surrogate mother to Selma and Selma becomes Gaia’s surrogate daughter.

5. Bella

Opening: She is an abused woman staying at the shelter who is dealing with alcoholism.

Inciting Incident: She meets Elizabeth.

Turning Pont 1: Elizabeth comes to Bella for advice. Their friendship deepens.

Midpoint: She agrees to help Selma keep Elizabeth at the shelter.

Turning Point 2: She convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.

Dilemma:?

Major Conflict: She and Elizabeth argue about Elizabeth returning to Mark.

Ending: She has a solid friendship. She leaves the shelter and invites Elizabeth to stay with her in her new home.

[Lora Sester]

I can see your arcs and there’s a lot of depth here. I’m wondering why anyone would be against counseling for abused women – it seems like a basic service.

[Chris WIllis]

Chris’s character story lines.

I learned there was a loose end (no turning point 2) in Bess’s character. Resulted in a good scene.

Just to see what happens, I outlined the story lines in the script along the three act structure. Showed me where I need to elevate the drama/conflict.

MOSES KINCAID

PROTAGONIST

BEGINNING: Moses is on his way home. A regular guy. Excited to see his adult daughter who is home for a few days.

INCITING INCIDENT: 1967 – A black neighbor is killed in Viet Nam. 1935 – Moses shines the boots of small-town racist big shots. Gets stiffed by one of them. First encounter with Polly.

TURNING POINT #1: Moses walks Polly home from movies in 1935.

MIDPOINT: Moses meets Kistna in 1935 – becomes more aware of his racial identity.

TURNING POINT #2: 1935 – Boss Wallace points a gun at Moses for touching Polly. 1963 – Lee Harvey Oswald confronts Moses about his submissive attitude when it comes to white people.

DILEMMA: Is America a white country where Moses is always on the outside looking in, OR a multicultural nation where people like him have opportunities.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Just before racists lynch him in 1935, Moses proclaims his black identity, but does not have the opportunity to say his name.

ENDING: His name is said by Polly 80+ years after his death at the Lynching Memorial.

ANTAGONIST

The antagonist of this story is RACISM IN AMERICA. Specifically represented by (1) Anti-interracial marriage laws, (2) what Moses believes and how he is treated by white people, and (3) specific incidents in the Jim Crow South of the 20^th century.

BEGINNING:

(1) Moses and Polly get married outside of Texas to avoid miscegenation laws.

(2) (2) 1935 – Moses gets stiffed by a white man for a dime shoeshine,

(3) Moses and Floyd get busted for sitting in the white section of the movie theater.

INCITING INCIDENT:

(1) Cody Baker is rejected by Polly when he hits on her. Then he gets angry when he sees she is married to a black man,

(2) Moses believes America is a white country.

(3) Moses confronts Civil War Memorial about the racism of the Confederacy.

TURNING POINT #1:

(1) Polly is arrested for being married to a black man.

(2) Moses makes his biracial daughter pass for white for a piano audition.

MIDPOINT:

(1) Polly is convicted of miscegenation.

(2) Lee Harvey Oswald calls out Moses for perpetuating the white American lie.

(3) A black man is arrested in a segregated Dallas restaurant.

TURNING POINT #2:

(1) Moses and Polly leave Texas to stay married and avoid prison for Polly. They appeal her conviction.

(2) The FBI raid Emaye’s Coffee House.

DILEMMA:

(1) Should Moses and Polly stay in Texas – dissolve their marriage. Or leave Texas (their home) to stay married and avoid incarceration.

(2) Is America a white country or can it be multicultural?

(3) Will overt racism keep Moses and Polly from living in peace?

MAJOR CONFLICT:

(1) Are miscegenation laws constitutional?

(2) Should Moses just try to get along in a white man’s world or establish his own true black identity?

(3) Moses is lynched in 1935.

ENDING:

(1) Supreme Court finds miscegenation laws unconstitutional, legalizing interracial marriage in the United States.

(2) Moses is remembered, his name is said, at the Lynching Memorial in 2018.

(3) Floyd is stopped by police for driving while black.

POLLY KINCAID

Supporting Character to Protagonist

Wife

BEGINNING: Polly breaks down at the Lynching Memorial in Alabama.

INCITING INCIDENT: Polly witnesses Moses being lynched in 1935.

TURNING POINT #1: Polly fights with Moses when he wants their daughter Bess to pass for white for a piano audition.

MIDPOINT: Polly rejects advances from Cody Baker, recalling he sexually assaulted her when he was drunk at a party. Cody is incensed that Polly is married to a black man.

TURNING POINT #2: Polly is arrested for miscegenation.

DILEMMA: Polly and Moses must choose between leaving Texas OR dissolving their marriage to keep Polly out of the penitentiary. They appealed her case to the Supreme Court.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Will racism destroy their marriage?

ENDING: Polly remembers Moses at the Lynching Memorial. Says his name.

BESS

Supporting character of Protagonist

Daughter

BEGINNING: 1967 – a piano virtuoso, playing at home.

INCITING INCIDENT: Moses makes her pass for white in 1963.

TURNING POINT #1: Bess rejects her white half after audition.

MIDPOINT: 1963 – Bess and Polly see the police carry a black man out of a segregated restaurant where they are waiting for a table. Bess does not make the connection that they are getting a table because she looks white.

TURNING POINT #2: 1967 – Bess is a member of the Black Panther Party in San Francisco.

DILEMMA: Conflicted about her racial identity (black or white). Affirms her choice (black) after arrest by FBI at Emaye’s coffee house.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Arrested for being black by the FBI at the coffee house.

ENDING: A consequence of Moses’ death in 1935, Bess is white in 1963.

EMAYE

Supporting character of protagonist.

Moses’ mother.

BEGINNING: Sick with malaria in 1935. Living in poverty.

INCITING INCIDENT: Moses takes care of her. She says she’d die without him.

TURNING POINT #1: She has a vision that Moses will achieve great things. But no one will know his name.

MIDPOINT: Emaye gives Moses a voodoo amulet on his wedding day, to protect him as he goes off to WW2. Emaye is now protecting Moses.

TURNING POINT #2: The FBI raids Emaye’s coffee house because it is a den of black radicalism.

DILEMMA: In her vision, Emaye sees that Moses will die at a young age, but never reveals it.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Moses dies at 14.

ENDING: As a consequence of Moses’ early death, Emaye’s Coffee House never exists. It’s a Chinese Laundry.

FLOYD

Supporting character of protagonist.

Lifelong friend.

BEGINNING: Sneaks into theater with Moses.

INCITING INCIDENT: Busted for sitting in white’s only section.

TURNING POINT #1: He joins the Navy. Served in WW2.

MIDPOINT: Shows up at Emaye’s coffee house as a leader in the Black Panther Party. Radical views on race in America.

TURNING POINT #2: Escapes when FBI raids Emaye’s coffee shop.

DILEMMA: Drawn between being there for his ailing mother AND participating in a Black Panther demonstration.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Years after Moses dies, Floyd is pulled over for driving while black, on the way back from his mother’s funeral.

ENDING: Image freezes on Floyd raising his hands at the police car stop.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Chris WIllis.

[Lora Sester]

The history in here is fascinating. I love the message and the story. What are you doing to make the historical events easy to follow for someone unfamiliar without having to explain everything and potentially bore the audience with too much expository talking?

[Chris WIllis]

Hi Lora,

At this point I intend to superimpose the year every time it changes. Except for the day Kennedy was assassinated, which will be shown as November 22, 1963. The exact day that Moses dies is shown on a calendar in the butcher shop June 19, 1935. Do you think the history is too esoteric for today’s audience? Does it matter?

[Lora Sester]

I think (and this is just a guess) most younger people would be unfamiliar with the history you’re presenting. If the story is compelling and it’s clear that your protagonist affects it I don’t think it matters. I personally love your idea!

[Lora Sester]

This was the hardest assignment yet for this class. I was challenged to think about my characters in a completely new way and I’m not sure if I completely succeeded in filling out the beats properly. I leaned that I can add more dimension by creating arcs for all my characters, not just the protagonist and antagonist.

Lisette Kim

Beginning: Lisette starts as an innocent child living with her father, Steven.

Inciting Incident: Lisette’s left with Steven’s friend but ends up in an orphanage and adopted out.

Turning Point: Lisette travels to the magical world of Dracania and meets Kismet

Midpoint: Lisette discovers her father is being held captive by Dwyvel

Turning Point 2: Lisette works to master magic so she can rescue her father

Dilemma: Must steal a dragon scale from Kismet or her father will remain imprisoned

Major Conflict: Epic battle with Dwyvel for the fate of her father and the dragons

Ending: Lisette rescues her father and the dragons and returns home

Steven Kim

Beginning: Pop singer and single dad whose daughter means everything

Inciting Incident: Threatened by Dwyvel’s men, Steven makes the difficult choice of hiding Lisette with a friend but the friend betrays him and puts Lisette in an orphanage.

Turning Point: He’s captured by Dwyvel’s men.

Midpoint: He feels like a failure as Lisette watches him get tortured

Turning Point 2: He believes Lisette has given up Kismet in exchange for his life – he is afraid she is in grave danger now

Dilemma: Does he keep trying to escape when he believes escaping would put Lisette in greater danger?

Major Conflict: He battles against Dwyvel’s men during Lisette’s daring rescue.

Ending: He makes it home with Lisette.

Kelly Anderson

Beginning: Former foster youth looking to make a difference

Inciting Incident: Foster Lisette

Turning Point: After returning from the mall with Lisette, she argues with Greg about keeping her

Midpoint: Discovers Lisette’s been sneaking out

Turning Point 2: They’re attacked by men after Lisette

Dilemma: Should she side with her husband or Lisette?

Major Conflict: Fight with Greg over whether Lisette stays

Ending: She and Lisette thank each other for the difference they made in each other’s lives

Greg Anderson

Beginning: Husband who suggests adopting a child as a way to satisfy his wife

Inciting Incident: Foster Lisette

Turning Point: Lisette talks back and it angers him she isn’t sufficiently grateful

Midpoint: Argues with Kelly about keeping Lisette

Turning Point 2: Believes Lisette is on drugs but Kelly doesn’t and they fight over this.

Dilemma: Should he kick Lisette out and upset his wife?

Major Conflict: Fight with Kelly over whether Lisette stays.

Ending: Gets his way and returns Lisette to the orphanage

Dwyvel Elliot

Beginning: Helps save the dragons with Lisette’s grandfather

Inciting Incident: Believes that he got shafted when the dragons gave out gifts

Turning Point: Attacks Gerwyn and steals his dragon gift

Midpoint: Discovers he can profit off the dragons by selling their scales

Turning Point 2: Amasses an army to steal the blue gem

Dilemma: How should he plan to steal the gem?

Major Conflict: Epic battle with Lisette over the fate of Steven and the dragons

Ending: defeated, turned into a tiny dragon, and captured in a miniature bottle

Kismet

Beginning: Carefree, innocent, young dragon who enjoys practicing magic

Inciting Incident: He meets Lisette after she is thrust through a magical portal

Turning Point: He decides to teach Lisette magic

Midpoint: He agrees to fight Dwyvel with Lisette.

Turning Point 2: Lisette injures him and steals his scale

Dilemma: Should he stay friends with Lisette after she hurt him?

Major Conflict: Joins the epic battle against Dwyvel during which he fights for his freedom.

Ending: He shape shifts into a human boy and joins Lisette and her father for dinner

[Douglas]

Lesson 5

Learned: I had thought a lot about the interconnections of the characters prior. But this exercise had me looking closer and adding small improvements to the script that tied the characters together based on conflicting needs and motives. It was useful for idea generation, reflection, and good to return to when writing.

Doug’s Character Story Line

Paul 12-year-old main character (Protagonist):

Beginning: Seeking adventure and treasure, Paul falls into a dark cave with a charred human skull. Later in the evening he is pranked by some of his family members revealing his fear. Inciting Incident: After the prank – Paul discovers that he is moving and going to be the new kid once again – which he dreads.

Turning Point: Trying to fit in, Paul takes a bet by the bully Teddy and must face a fear. Midpoint: Paul’s father is injured in a mine accident, and he tries to earn money to help his family.

Turning Point 2: Paul’s dog is held hostage by Teddy that wants to trade for Charlie’s treasure map.

Dilemma: Should Paul betray his mentor, Charlie or let his dog die?

Major Conflict: Showdown with Dalton at Charlie’s cabin where Paul digs deep to save himself with new skills learned.

Ending: Showdown at the cemetery where Paul uses his new trickster skills to reveal and capture Red and Dalton. Paul is rewarded with a small monetary award – has his first innocent kiss – has acquired new skills – but find out – he must move once again – into a new environment where he will have to adapt.

Teddy 13-year-old bully (support for antagonist)

Beginning: Teddy watches and lurks – watches for next kid to bully Inciting Incident: Paul and his family arrive in town.

Turning Point: Accepts raised bet with Paul but frustrated no decisive outcome. Midpoint: Threatened by mom’s boyfriend Dalton and forced to follow Paul.

Turning Point 2: Paul tricks Teddy into riding on the back of dairy truck.

Dilemma: Do as told by mom’s cruel boyfriend say or be abused by him? (Teddy has burn scars from cigarettes)

Major Conflict: Plans to exchange Paul’s dog for Charlie’s map and beat up Paul.

Ending: Forced by Dalton to try and retrieve Charlie’s map from the cemetery.

Dalton: 30s on probation (Antagonist)

Beginning: Arrives on his motorcycle at Ben’s Marshall’s office – Ben’s chair outside of his liquor store where he works and is on probation under the care of the Marshall, Ben.

Inciting Incident: Jake, former prison inmate with Dalton, tracks Dalton down.

Turning Point: Owes Jake money and never can escape him. Midpoint: Hears of Charlie’s silver ingot and Spanish treasure map – sees as a way to pay off Jake and to take care of himself.

Turning Point 2: Thinks he has accidentally killed the old miner Charlie in a fire and in a panic thinks he has killed Paul by throwing him into a mine shaft. Dilemma: Risk of going back to prison or serious injury or death caused by Jake?

Major Conflict: Showdown at the cemetery to find Charlie’s torn treasure map to Spanish treasure. Ending: Sent back to prison.

Charlie: 70s old miner (Support for Protagonist)

Inciting Incident: Sees Paul in the enterprise and finds he is the grandson of his old miner friend – the man that saved him from a mine cave in (that has caused a lifelong limp). And these two had dealt with bullies in their day.</div>

Turning Point: Decides to befriend Paul, and to provide him some work for pay.

Midpoint: Shares story of lost Spanish mine with Paul. Turning Point 2: Teddy, following Paul, overhears about a map and sees an ingot.

Dilemma: Trust a suspicious town Marshall or trust a kid’s (Paul’s) plan to deal with to deal with extremely dangerous villain that attacked him and left him for dead.

Major Conflict: Showdown at his miner’s cabin to save Paul.

Ending: Showdown at the cemetery to outwit & capture Jake and Dalton. Has enjoyed giving bullies their due one more time in life and shares his feelings for his verbal sparring partner, Kitty, owner of the Enterprise bar.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Douglas Dotts.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Douglas Dotts.

[Lora Sester]

Your characters are really well fleshed out and I like all the nuances they have.

[Douglas]

deleted

[Margaret Doner]

Lesson Five – Rewrite Class Character Story Lines

What I learned: Breaking the story apart and looking at individual story lines helps to make certain the ideas that have been presented for each character have continuity.

1. Victoria Barkley: Protagonist

a. Where does the character start? A past life image of her as Jean Cobb in Kensington Gardens dissolves into her in the present day (matching images to lead into present day and give audience the clue that they are one in the same, or at least connected somehow)…She is at St. George college before start of school gathering outside under a tent.

b. Inciting Incident: She “rescues” Dennis Manon from an arrogant faculty member who is very loudly embarrassing him. They meet for first time.

c. Turning Point 1: Victoria and Dennis admit their attraction for one another. Victoria realizes Dennis is the man in her past life visions. She tells him about her visions.

d. Midpoint: A student is killed by his father because of his performance in drag in the play “The Maids.” Victoria assists on the production and sees him shot in close range. This challenges her mental health even more.

e. Turning Point 2: Victoria and Dennis have sex and Victoria begins to have memories of a past life in Dachau as a young Jewish woman.

f. Dilemma: Victoria and Dennis have to decide what to do with their passionate attraction.

g. Major Conflict: Victoria realizes that Dennis was also in Dachau as a Nazi who fell in love with her. She convinces Dennis to journey to his past lives.

h. Ending: Victoria is given confirmation of the truth of her being in Dachau by a man who was there as a young boy and remembers her story. Victoria leaves her current job, boyfriend and Dennis and ventures away from the past. But now its healed. The visions have stopped.

2. Dennis Manon: Love Interest

a. Beginning: where does character start? At St. George College right before opening of school year, being insulted by arrogant faculty member.

b. Inciting Incident: Is “rescued” by Victoria.

c. Turning point 1: Victoria tells him about her visions and he remembers that he wrote a short story in college that mirrors the past life in England. He kisses Victoria.

d. Midpoint: Dennis gives into his desire and they have sex. His guilt haunts him.

e. Turning Point 2: Dennis tells Victoria that they have to stay away from each other.

f. Dilemma: Is Victoria his soulmate? Why does he feel so strongly about her?

g. Major Conflict: Dennis realizes through past life remembrance that Victoria is right about what she has told him.

h. Ending: Although Dennis and Victoria have feelings for one another, they can go their separate ways now that they realize why they were so attracted. They agree to let it go.

3. Gary Dubitsky: Boyfriend to Victoria

a. Beginning: Where does character start? In his “funky” café near college campus.

b. Turning point 1: Victoria tells him about her past life visions thinking he would understand as he is a Buddhist. Instead, he gets jealous when he realizes that Dennis is in the picture.

c. Midpoint: He flirts and is attracted to another woman.

d. Turning point 2: Victoria, in a state of mental confusion and wanting to deny her feelings for Dennis asks Gary to marry her. He turns her down.

e. Major conflict: Victoria and Gary’s relationship is thrown upside by Victoria’s past life visions and attraction to Dennis.

f. Ending: Gary and Victoria break up. Victoria leaves town. Gary stays.

[Lora Sester]

I like the love triangle you’ve created and the depth the past lives gives to your characters. It’s sad when soulmates don’t end up together but I like that having known each other strengthens and changes them.

[Zenna Davis – Jones]

Zenna Davis-Jones – Character Arcs

What I learned is that most characters have both a story arc that proceeds the pilot and one within the pilot. As well, that while Colette’s journey is the one we follow, different characters have different reactions to situations.

Colette: Protagonist

Beginning: Colette is promoted to teaching the new recruits.

Inciting Incident: The recruits arrive.

Turning Point: Her best friend, Nelly, falls out of the building and dies.

Midpoint: Has a mental breakdown in front of the congregation.

Turning Point 2: Colette finds a note that causes her to investigate Nelly’s death.

Dilemma: Colette stays content in her passive ways but doesn’t clear Nelly’s name vs. Colette has to step out of her comfort zone to confront sister Raymond.

Major Conflict: Discovers Kinsley has been killing people.

Ending: Watches the new recruits take their vows.

Father Kinsley: Antagonist

Beginning: Bringing in a new shipment of recruits, promotes Colette to train them.

Inciting Incident: Is taken by Margaret.

Turning Point: Colette lets new girls see Nelly’s death, he has to cover it up ASAP.

Midpoint: Colette has a mental breakdown in front of congregation.

Turning point 2: Sister Raymond reveals that she got caught killing Nelly.

Dilemma: Does he keep the woman doing his dirty work vs. does he dispose of her?

Major Conflict: Kills sister Raymond.

Ending: Indoctrinates new girls.

Margaret: 2nd to Protagonist:

Beginning: In an abusive relationship.

Inciting Incident: Is pushed down the stairs by him.

Turning point: Joins the congregation.

Midpoint: Finally feels like she has a place she can call home.

Turning point 2: Sister Raymond says they need a dowry to enter congregation.

Dilemma: Wants to stay, has no money, has no where else to go.

Major Conflict: Boyfriend comes to take her back.

Ending: She takes her vows at the commune.

Sister Raymond: 2nd to antagonist

Beginning: Colette gets the position Raymond wanted.

Inciting Incident: Is told to dispose of Nelly.

Turning Point: Colette has a mental break down, Raymond is promoted.

Midpoint: She is on top of the world, scaring the girls.

Turning point 2: Colette discovers sister Raymond killed Nelly.

Dilemma: Do an evil act for Kinsley or do the right thing and lose his love?

Major conflict: Has to tell Kinsley she got caught.

Ending: Kinsley kills her.

[Lora Sester]

I like your breakdowns but I’m curious how things happening to Colette are the major turning points for other characters – what I mean is how do the events happening to Colette transform heir lives too.

[Zenna Davis – Jones]

Great question, thank you!

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Character Story Lines

What I learned = each character has their own perspective on events in the plot

1. CB (protagonist)

Beginning = CB notices some strange things about the band X-Zonu

Inciting Incident = CB ropes a guitar thief (Runner) and is confronted by Slick

TP1 = CB decides to drive Mel to meet the band so he can investigate

Midpoint = CB loses control of his RV, which traps him with the band

TP2 = After CB plans an escape, his friend gets collared

Dilemma = CB could escape but would be leaving Champ trapped. If CB stays, he runs the risk of being collared himself. How do they both get out without being killed?

Major Conflict = getting the monster back in the truck without being killed.

Ending = CB is in charge of the band, outwardly working for the aliens, but inwardly …

2. Rodman

Beginning = Rodman is a talented young musician who wants to join a rock band

Inciting Incident = Rodman gets a chance to join X-Zonu. His mom objects, so he walks out

TP1 = Rodman is collared and Slick makes him head roadie – a job Rodman hates

Dilemma = leave the band and get killed or stay in a job he hates

Major Conflict = do a job he hates well enough so he doesn’t get demoted to truck driver

Ending = Rodman ends up where he first wanted to be

3. Zora

Beginning: Janice Smith has a huge fight with her son, and he leaves home

Inciting Incident = Janice tracks her son to the band and he gives her a signal that all is not well

TP1 = Janice gets a roadie job from Slick so she can help Rodman escape

Midpoint: Slick puts her onstage as Zora to be an eye-candy musician

TP2 = CB and Champ join the band

Dilemma = Zora’s collar doesn’t lock so she could leave any time, but Rodman would still be trapped

Major Conflict = Zora has the position Rodman wanted, and she hasn’t figured out how to help him escape so she’s dealing with guilt

Ending = Her son is happy, Zora doesn’t need to pretend she likes being a rock musician. and she’s now working to save the world

4. Champ

Beginning = Champ attends a rodeo to fill time while waiting for his family to come home. His friend CB is the rodeo manager.

Inciting Incident = a road rqge incident leaves Champ with no transportation home, so he get a ride with CB

TP1 = CB decides they will drive Mel to the band

Midpoint = CB and Champ get trapped in the caravan

TP2 = Champ gets collared and can’t escape from the band

Major Conflict = get the monster contained before it eats everyone

Ending = Champ’s got a new career as rock star and is expecting his family to join him any day

5. Slick

Beginning = Slick was rubbing elbows with music royalty, on the verge of a big job promotion, when his lust for limelight and fame soured the deal and he got passed over. Out for revenge, Slick jumped at the chance to sell-out humanity when the aliens offered him this job.

Inciting Incident = Slick witnesses his lead musician plead for help from CB, prompting Slick to order lackey Mel to put a drone spot on CB’s RV so they can blow it up later.

TP1 = CB and Champ unknowingly get rid of the spot and show up to ask for a job from Slick

Midpoint = Slick collars champ but believes CB has already ditched the band

TP2 = Slick can’t get any fans to serve a bait for the monster, so he steals a horse

Major Conflict = the struggle to get the monster back into the reefer trailer with live bait

Ending = Slick has lost his position as band manager and has either been eaten or is trying to chase down his runaway RV

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Deanne Gwinn.

[Elizabeth Cochrell]

Elizabeth Cochrell Character Story Lines

What I learned from this exercise is when I have the POV of each individual character it helps me make them more dramatic and the story becomes more interesting.

MISHA TAYLOR: Protagonist

BEGINNING: She has a bad temper, wants to quit stripping but needs self-confidence that she can have a better career.

INCITING INCIDENT: Her long-lost teen daughter shows up asking to be with her.

TURNNG POINT 1: She gets the rent due notice in front of her daughter and tries to do one high paying prostitution gig to cover the rent but it’s too disgusting and signs up for the MMA Event.

MIDPOINT: Emily tricks them and kidnaps Rebecca back to Beverly Hills making her think she doesn’t want to live with her anymore.

TURNING POINT 2: Misha signs up for the event even though Rebecca is gone.

DILEMMA: Emily gets her kicked off the event and Misha can’t stand stripping any more, what will she do now?

MAJOR CONFLICT: Fans help her get back on the event and Misha finds out the truth that Franks a perv and Rebecca is in danger right before the event, she wins it and goes to rescue Rebecca.

ENDING: Misha has grown into someone who can do something other than strip and her daughter is allowed to live with her because the stepparents were proven unfit!

REBECCA ROBERTS: Teen daughter of the protagonist

BEGINNING: She is miserable because Emily has convinced her she is fat, can’t make good decisions and doesn’t deserve the family’s financial security when she doesn’t submit to her will.

INCITING INCIDENT: After the press conference Rebecca realizes her dream wasn’t a dream of Frank molesting her the night before. She tells Emily that Frank really is a pervert but Emily refuses to admit she knows, and reminds her she’s lucky they adopted her so Rebecca decides to run away.

TURNNG POINT1: Misha gets her from the police department and doesn’t kick her out and her dog business goes viral.

MIDPOINT: Emily kidnaps Rebecca back to Beverly Hills, convinces Rebecca that Misha doesn’t want her anymore and after the election she’ll file for divorce and they’ll both get away from Frank.

TURNING POINT2: Rebecca ties to kill herself after Frank tricks her by saying he’ll let her go after the election then doses and molests her but she sees Misha on TV saying that she’s doing the fight for her daughter.

DILEMMA: She really wants to escape her stepparents and could easily get away if she would report Frank’s sex abuse, but she is too ashamed to admit to anybody what Frank did to her.

MAJOR CONFLICT: Emily tries to give her her medications and Rebecca bravely fights Emily off just as Misha and Bradley arrive to save her.

ENDING: She’s happily back with her real mother in the yard with dogs, clients and Misha at the grand opening of their dog and women’s shelter.

EMILY ROBERTS: Antagonist stepmother

BEGINNING: She is nervous about the re-election because if hubby Frank doesn’t win, their income may be cut down by a lot and it’s too hard to divorce him during campaign time.

INCITING INCIDENT: Rebecca lies to her about going to fat camp and runs away.

TURNING POINT: Rebecca calls Emily and tells her where she is.

MIDPOINT: Emily kidnaps Rebecca and lies to her that Misha doesn’t want her anymore.

TURNING POINT: Rebecca finds out Misha does care about her which gives her hope to get away from Emily.

DILEMMA: Should she hold out until Frank wins the election or just divorce her cheating husband now?

MAJOR CONFLICT: At the mansion showdown, Frank won’t let her call for help, Rebecca refuses to take her medications and kicks her off, Bradley shows her Frank’s hidden sex room and she has a mental breakdown.

ENDING: She loses everything and goes to Misha and Rebecca looking for sympathy.

MAYOR FRANK ROBERTS: Antagonist stepfather

BEGINNING: Feeling arrogant after four years in office he starts to make mistakes, especially with his sexual shenanigans with underaged women.

INCITING INCIDENT: Press conference where they accuse him of sexual harassment.

TURNING POINT: Bradley tries to get him to stop partying, that angers him so he does it more.

MIDPOINT: Rebecca returns which increases his insatiable sex addiction, he accepts campaign money from criminal sorts and makes promises he can’t keep.

TURNING POINT: Bradley catches Frank lusting after Rebecca and he quits a his job as Frank’s campaign manager.

DILEMMA: Should he just quit now and escape to his island or just use the mob money to pay everyone off to to keep quiet so he can win the election?

MAJOR CONFLICT: Misha and Bradley show up to save Rebecca, he tries to bribe Bradley and Misha but they refuse and they get his hidden sex tape room on video.

ENDING: He’s arrested and thrown into jail with no bail.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Elizabeth Cochrell.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Elizabeth Cochrell.

[Edward Etzkorn]

Ed Etzkorn’s Character Story Lines

What I learned – Know who all your characters are – let them then interact as the people they are would interact. Affects story line, makes it more complete.

Azuri Burris (Protagonist) – needs a more thorough role

· Beginning – Starts with incident when she was 2 years old that she only vaguely remembers-intractable crying spell when somehow she knows that her infant brother in another room has stopped breathing.

· Inciting incident-realizes that some entity inhabits her new home. Is it hostile?

· Turning point-starts to investigate who the entity is-what tragic thing happened in her house before it was renovated and her parents bought it. Other things happen to her too-she starts having anxiety attacks during which series of images flash across her brain and totally take over her body and mind.

· Midpoint-knows where little boy’s body is. Why/how does she know this?

· Turning point 2: Entity’s actions grow more frequent and more hostile. Parents begin thinking she’s having psychotic episodes. Friends think she’s a witch.

· Dilemma: Has to solve the answers: Who is the entity and what does it want? What are these other episodes that take her out of her mind?

· Major conflict: Solving above problems. Friend’s (Lily’s) mom has an answer. She doesn’t like it. Entity sets her house on fire and she’s trapped inside.

· Ending: She realizes who the entity is and what it needs. Uses her psychic experiences to solve the entity’s problems and help it escape from this life.

Clytemnestra Randall (The Entity; antagonist))

· Beginning – As a teenager, killed in a fire that burned a portion of her house. Can’t let go of life. Too young, barely started living. Can’t let anyone else take over her house. It’s hers.

· Inciting incident-Azuri and her family move in.

· Turning point-Got to drive them out. But Azuri is trying to get to know her. No one ever did that before. She was always rejected

· Midpoint-no, this family has got to suffer as she did. Drive them out at all costs.

· Turning point 2: Azuri is making more efforts to find out who she is and communicate with her. She’s stupid-thinks she’s a boy or a man.

· Dilemma: Should she trust this girl and open herself to her, or should she drive her out? Kill her if necessary.

· Major conflict: Wants to continue living as Azuri is now living; needs respect, love, and sympathy of other people. Azuri can give her that. But she can’t bring her back to life.

· Ending: Gives in. Saves Azuri’s life, lets Azuri replace her.

Felicia Burris (Azuri’s mom) – needs a more fleshed-out role

· Beginning: Blames herself for her infant son’s crib death. She should have paid attention to Azuri’s crying.

· Inciting incident-something unusual but frightening about Azuri. What’s going to happen next? Will it be something good, or will it be evil? Even as Azuri is growing up, always a little afraid of her

· Turning point-Responds by being very strict with her. No cell phone, no slack.

· Midpoint-How did Azuri know where they would find the body of the little boy who’s been missing for years? This is it-something very frightening about Azuri. She’s turning to the devil. Or she’s psychotic. Schizophrenic.

· Dilemma-got to object to everything Azuri does. Wants to mother her, but scared of what she will do.

· Major conflict-can’t deal with the changes in Azuri. Doesn’t understand them, fears them. Better send her away; maybe Grandma or Uncle Hunter and his model children can help her.

· Ending: Was too quick to blame Azuri. Even though she’s got special powers, Azuri’s just a kid; needs her help. Not too late.

[William Curley]

Bill Curley Rewrite Lesson 5 Story Lines Learned: The importance of Secondary characters cannot be ignored or underestimated. Indeed they are absolute requirements to properly advance the story. Protagonist Dr.Tomo Nikigami: Opening: Nikigami wraps up ocean based research. His conversation with a Navel Captain regarding record warm seas surface temps is a Set Up

Inciting Incident: Nikigami summons two of his trusted grad students. He confides to both of a 55 year old cover up of Global Warming. He will announce this during what will look like a routine lecture. Key Incident: Nikigami makes the announcement in a bombshell format. Midpoint: Five hired killers sent to Nikigami,s lake front condo to kill him by psychotic oil CEO Robert Conley,Jr are dismembered by Nikigami when he uses a Japanese Ninja sword. ACT 3 Low Point Nikigami is now stalked by Conley. The Monster storm warned by him is now heading to Florida. Survive Conley’s attacks and warn the President are two vital “musts”. Ending: Antagonist Conley,s dies during the height of the “Cane” mega hurricane. Antagonist:Psychotic oil CEO Robert Conley Jr Opening: A few pages into script Conley watches former Pres Trump blast climate scientists on TV. He calls the worsening threats of climate extremism a ” hoax from China,”. Shortly thereafter a monster water-polo roars down Collins Ave. Inciting Incident: A university campus spy informs Conley of Nikigami,s alarmist lecture at Southern Wisconsin State University. Key Incident: After Nikigami,s bombshell announcement of a massive climate cover up Conley makes Nikigami for murder. The professor must be silenced, otherwise Conley Oil CEO will lose billions. Midpoint: Conley sends a five ninja assasination squad to Nikigami,s Madison,WI Lake Mendota condo. Act 3 low point: Conley,s attempts to silence Nikigami fail when Secret Service personal ordered by the President keep Nikigami alive. Conley then is eaten alive by a gator when he slides into a retention pond during the height of the “Cane” storm. Supporting Actress AP reporter Robin Sotomaya. Opening: Sotomayor talks shop at her office. It appears to be a normal day of work. Key Incident: During Nikigami,s bombshell announcement AP reporter Robin Sotomaya ,a fellow Japanese by race, grills Nakigami with several critical questions. They form a romantic friendship throughout the remainder of the script. Midpoint: While entertained by Nikigami at a romantic dinner at his condo Sotomaya and Nikigami are both attacked by invading Ninjas hired by Miami based Conley, Jr. Ending: Sotomaya and several others exit military Humvees. She stares into an open ocean just 20 miles south of Jacksonville,FL. Supporting actress grad student Amy Hollis. Opening: After leaving a Navy research ship Nikigami phones one of his grad students Amy Hollis from Miami immediately after several waterspouts smash the Miami Beach area. Midpoint: After an attack at his lakeside condo Nikigami informs Hollis they are being watched by a psychotic oil exec. Their lives may be in danger. Act 3 low point. On a charter fishing boat with her grandparents, Hollis is informed by fellow grad student Conner O,Corley of Ireland that the “Cane” super storm is rapidly worsening. The mega storm is heading right towards them. End: After barely surviving the storm by hunkering down deep inside Fort St Augustine Hollis and several others are intercepted by two military Humveers moving south along a severely damaged I 95 freeway. Riding in one of the vehicles they all stop atop a 100 foot sand dune. She exits as do others including Nikigami, the President and Army General ” Butch” Majkowski. She along with everyone else stare looking south mesmorized. I 95 runs into an open ocean. Florida is destroyed!

[James Hernandez]

Day 5:

James’ Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is that my supporting characters play specific roles in keeping my love interest leads together, focused, and/or act like advisors to them. Given this is a romantic comedy, the objective is to have the leads arrive at a harmonious union with the efforts, influences, and assistance of the supporting characters. This includes actively listening to both lead characters’ points of view on the conflict whether they’re justified or delusional.

Jessica Blue

· Beginning: Jessica is consumed in her dead-end job longing for something better.

· Inciting Incident: She is trapped in an elevator with Rufus Winter; they connect.

· Turning Point 1: She accepts his offer to help with a development project, but there’s more going on.

· Midpoint: She is caught with all the sex toys scattered about by him; he leaves without getting an explanation.

· Turning Point 2: She is caught in a compromising position with her friend Paul by Rufus; he again leaves without an explanation.

· Dilemma: She must pursue her dream and forget Rufus or save a strained relationship with Rufus and alienate her dream.

· Major Conflict: At her book launch, Jessica is confronted by a past fling causing chaos and a major rift with Rufus.

· Ending: She resolves her issues with Rufus and they become a couple.

Rufus Winter

· Beginning: Rufus spends his days alone only with work and without a companion in life.

· Inciting Incident: He is trapped in an elevator with Jesssica; he’s attracted by her.

· Turning Point 1: He finds the development partner in Jessica; his search is over.

· Midpoint: He surprises her with a visit and is repulsed by the sex toys collection surrounding her; he walks out.

· Turning Point 2: He catches her in a compromising position with Paul and believes the worst; he once again walks out.

· Dilemma: He must abandon his principles and possibly enter an indecent relationship or forget about Jessica and miss out on a quality potential soulmate.

· Major Conflict: He prepared a surprise for Jessica at her book launch, but the notion is ruined by her former fling’s last-minute intrusion.

· Ending: He comes to an understanding regarding Jessica’s past work and moves forward with her in a caring relationship; all issues are left behind and resolved.

Paul Valley

· Beginning: Paul finds himself with conflicting emotions regarding his boyfriends.

· Inciting Incident: He moves in with Pebbles, but the situation is precarious.

· Turning Point 1: He participates in an intervention with Pebbles moderated by Jessica.

· Midpoint: He helps Jessica refocus her life into pursuing her most ambitious goals.

· Turning Point 2: He patches things up between Rufus and Jessica.

· Dilemma: He can focus on his life over Jessica’s ordeal or continue to help Jessica with a relationship that may lead nowhere and unprioritize his own life.

· Major Conflict: Paul must choose Pebbles and cut off his playful attraction he has for Rufus.

· Ending: Paul winds up in a relationship with Pebbles who appears to be his true love.

[Jonathan Clark]

Jonathan Clark’s Character Story Lines

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

I’m seeing how I can deepen existing scenes by incorporating the Arcs of my Supporting Characters. More puzzle pieces that fit!

1) VINCENZO PERUGGIA:

PROTAGONIST

Beginning: He is in jail, an enigma, everyone asking ‘why did you do it?’.

Inciting Incident: Flashback in Chaudron’s telling of the story. Vincenzo’s parents die and he’s sent to live in a church orphanage. But it’s horrible. Vincenzo runs off to live on the streets and ends up confronting the young Castigione in a street fight.

Turning Point 1: Vincenzo steals the Mona Lisa to save her. But then gets pulled into a forgery conspiracy.

Midpoint: Thrown in jail, Vincenzo can’t handle it, nearly melts down. Castigione bails him out. Tells him Italia has run off. Vincenzo better not be the reason. In essence, Vincenzo shifts his want from saving the Mona Lisa to saving Italia.

Turning Point 2:. Shunned by Italia, Vincenzo is forced to sell the Mona Lisa to some armed Turks and is very nearly killed in the process. Importantly, though, he discovers that Italia really does love him.

Dilemma: Save himself and be free, or risk it all to save Italia, even though, technically, she’s married.

Major Conflict: Vincenzo decides to steal the Mona Lisa back from De Valfierno and turn himself in, sacrificing himself, to solidify De Valfierno’s fate and Italia’s freedom. De Valfierno dies as Vincenzo’s dragged off to prison.

Ending: Vincenzo is finally released from jail as an Italian hero. And with De Valfierno dead, Vincenzo puts a ring of grass around Italia’s finger. In the eyes of God, they’re now married. He’s done it!

Arc: Vincenzo starts out in prison as a nobody with no family and ends as the most famous person in the world, free, and married to Italia.

2) ITALIA CHAUDRON:

SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE PROTAGONIST

Beginning: Italia is a free-spirited child who’s controlled by her family.

Inciting Incident: Her mother dies and her father falls apart, losing everything to his gambling addiction, which is how De Valfierno takes over the family.

Turning Point 1: On the night of her forced engagement to De Valfierno, Italia meets Vincenzo. She realizes he’s a thief and tells him to steal her. We discover she’s sick, coughing blood into her pillow.

Midpoint: She and Vincenzo spend the day together, swimming. Desperate, she tries to marry Vincenzo with a blade of grass around her finger. He refuses.

Turning Point 2: Italia gives up. She’s dying anyway, so she marries De Valfierno, and then collapses.

Dilemma: Does she even try to run away with Vincenzo again, or make sure he at least gets away with his life by her staying with De Valfierno?

Major Conflict: With Vincenzo’s return (he does love her!), she must use every ounce of energy in her body to try to save Vincenzo from De Valfierno. She attacks De Valfierno just as he’s about to shoot Vincenzo dead. But she’s too weak and gets thrown viciously aside. She’s lost. Until her chaperone, Miss Fortuna, retaliates on her behalf by stabbing De Valfierno to death with a sharp-ended paintbrush.

Ending: Italia waits for Vincenzo as he’s released from jail. Vincenzo kneels down and wraps a blade of grass around her finger. In the eyes of God, they’re married.

Arc: Italia starts out as a free-spirited innocent who’s trapped in her family circumstances, unable to make her own choices, and ends up as a free woman, married to the man she’s chosen to love.

3) COUNT EDWARDO DE VALFIERNO:

ANTAGONIST

Beginning: He is the powerful, sociopathic, leader of a gang who is about to marry Italia, and thus legitimatize himself as an aristocrat.

Inciting Incident: Vincenzo lands on top of his car after escaping from Italia’s bedroom.

Turning Point: Realizing Vincenzo is the man with the Mona Lisa, De Valfierno decides to use Vincenzo to his advantage… and only then have him killed.

Midpoint: Something’s changed with Italia, she’s fallen in love with Vincenzo, so De Valfierno fast-tracks his wedding.

Dilemma: Does he simply kill Vincenzo, or keep using him, even though Vincenzo’s likely to mess everything up?

Turning Point 2: Deciding to do both, De Valfierno creates a situation to get the Turks’ money and kill Vincenzo, all in one fell swoop.

Major Conflict: Love is stronger than hate — Vincenzo survives and comes back to steal the Mona Lisa and thus reveals De Valfierno’s forgery plots against those he scammed!

Ending: De Valfierno aims his gun at Vincenzo to kill him… but just as he’s about to pull the trigger, he’s literally stabbed in the back and killed by the last person he’d ever expect, the woman he’s always ignored, Italia’s middle-aged chaperone, Miss Fortuna.

Arc: De Valfierno starts as the incredibly powerful gang leader but ultimately dies at the hands of Italia’s middle-aged female chaperone.

4) CASTIGIONE:

SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE ANTAGONIST

Beginning: A teenage street urchin, leader of his own gang, Castigione assaults Vincenzo, and steals Vincenzo’s wallet but gets cut in the face as Vincenzo gets away.

Inciting Incident: Castigione, older now, with that scar on his face, forces Vincenzo to commit the first forgery sale on the train to Florence, Italy. Castigione seems to be the one behind the threats to Vincenzo. Retribution after all these years.

Turning Point 1: Castigione is revealed to be De Valfierno’s henchman. He’s told to kill Vincenzo after two more forgery sales, unless Vincenzo sees Italia again, in which case he’s to kill Vincenzo right away.

Midpoint: Castigione bails out Vincenzo from jail. Tells Vincenzo not to pursue Italia or he’ll have to kill him, boss’s orders. And he’d rather Vincenzo gets to suffer in life.

Turning Point 2: Castigione very nearly catches Vincenzo with Italia, but Miss Fortuna makes him question himself.

Dilemma: Does he kill Vincenzo because he really wants to, or does he follow De Valfierno’s orders and wait?

Major Conflict: Having found the note from Vincenzo to Italia, asking her to run away with him on the train to Paris, Castigione and De Valfierno put a new fraud in motion to sell one more Mona Lisa for big money, this time to the Turks on the train back to Paris. Castigione will then be allowed to kill Vincenzo.

Ending: Pushed off the train by De Valfierno to chase and kill Vincenzo, Castigione hits a pole and is mortally wounded. Vincenzo tries to save him but can’t. Castigione tells Vincenzo to kill De Valfierno and get Italia back, De Valfierno will hate that. Vincenzo promises he will. Vincenzo goes through Castigione’s pockets to take his wallet, and finds inside a photo of Eve, Italia’s maid, the one who’s been having an affair with De Valfierno. There’s also a letter to her. Seems Castigione’s been in love with her for a long time. Just before dying, Castigione tells Vincenzo to throw the letter away.

Arc: Castigione starts as a street thug and ends up getting killed by his boss, De Valfierno, without ever realizing his dreams of being with Eve.

5) MISS FORTUNA:

CONNECTING CHARACTER BETWEEN THE PROTAGONIST AND THE ANTAGONIST

Beginning: An overbearing, frumpy chaperone, Miss Fortuna slaps Italia in a shoe shop when Italia refuses to do what she’s told.

Inciting Incident: Miss Fortuna catches Vincenzo in Italia’s bedroom and attacks him, but he gets away.

Turning Point 1: Miss Fortuna realizes just how despicable De Valfierno and Chaudron really are as they force Italia to be checked by a doctor to determine if she slept with Vincenzo or not.

Midpoint: Italia tells Miss Fortuna she hates her, and threatens to ruin Miss Fortuna if she ever lays a hand on her again. Oddly, this really gets under Miss Fortuna’s skin.

Turning Point 2: Miss Fortuna catches Vincenzo with Italia, and realizes, this time, that those two really do love each other. She covers for Vincenzo when Castigione shows up.

Dilemma: Does she do what she’s supposed to do and keep Italia and Vincenzo apart, as Chaudron, De Valfierno, and society demand, or does she allow Italia to be with the one person Italia truly loves?

Major Conflict: When Vincenzo returns to the Chaudron house to steal back the Mona Lisa, it’s Miss Fortuna who helps him escape.

Ending: As De Valfierno aims his gun at Vincenzo to kill him, Italia attacks. But she’s too weak and gets thrown viciously aside. Miss Fortuna grabs a sharp-ended paintbrush and stabs De Valfierno in the back, killing him and thus saving Italia from a horrible future. She’s devastated by what she’s done, but then Italia embraces her, and somehow it all makes sense, she really has done her job, saving her ward.

Arc: Miss Fortuna starts an unempathetic chaperone who follows societal rules to a tee, and ends up murdering Italia’s horrible husband so Italia can be happy with the one she truly loves.