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Lesson 5
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22 Replies
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Assignment #5
David Wickenden Synopsis Hooks
Hooks:
· A vigilante starts a crusade killing child abusers.
· A quest for justice pits two best friends against each other.
· Can a cop who hunts child abusers turn a blind eye as someone dishes out real justice?
· When the guilty have more rights than the innocent, what options are left?
· If the law doesn’t protect children, who will?
· Children are being exploited worldwide.
· Similar to Sound of Freedom, the story will appeal to parents worldwide.
First draft
A vigilante starts a crusade killing child abusers.
Laura, a driven psychiatrist, has firsthand experience of the damage left behind by child abusers. Learning fighting skills from the people she serves; Laura begins a crusade to bring real justice to those who hurt children. But now her best friend and RCMP officer Janice is tasked with hunting her down.
When the guilty have more rights than the innocent, what options are left?
Molested as a child, Janice believes in the Law. But having seen criminals walk because of a technicality, she questions which method really works. Her job pits her against her best friend and the very woman who saved her years ago.
Similar to Sound of Freedom, the story will appeal to parents worldwide.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how easy this is because in the past I’ve always thought how hard this was – I must be finally getting there!
Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
An undercover cop searches for her missing sister and must make a heart-breaking decision when she finds her.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma – A choice between
family and duty. <div>Main Conflict – How do you
bring your loved one back from the dark side?What’s at stake? – Will sisterly
love survive the biggest betrayal of all?Goal/Unique Opposition – Finding
your way home.3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’ve written a story that’s the next Taken.
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Deb’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned… It was nice to see the two lists merge to bring out the very best hooks in the script. By taking my (4) components of marketability and pairing them with my (8) most interesting things, I was able to create a first draft of a synopsis that’s interesting and engaging.
Hooks:
1. Unique: The concept is that we follow a cursed plastic bag as it exchanges hands between several people. The bag represents life, coming at us hard, and asking ‘What will you do with me?’
2. Timely – The frame that holds these vignettes together centers on a teen with a cell phone addiction. It addresses disconnected teens and the families that love them.
3. Wide Audience Appeal – Heartwarming and uplifting with a wide age range: the protagonist is a teenager, and the antagonist is her 70-year-old grandmother. The stories include children, young couples, and single adults.
4. A great role for a bankable actor:
• Little Delia shatters a glass door while trying to stop her father from leaving. She’s got scars. Now she’s a snarky teen addicted to her phone.
• Abby, her rough-and-tumble grandma, tosses Delia’s phone out the car window.
• Torrie, an uber-famous artist, gives them both a tour of her art exhibit, “The Plastic Bag,” where each piece of art comes to life and tells a different story.
5. This cursed bag wreaks havoc in every life it touches as it:
• Almost suffocates a baby.
• Sets up a near car wreck.
• Kicks off WW3 on a playground.
• Sends a kid to urgent care.
• Carries heist money.
• Launches a misguided shopping spree.
6. Should Delia remain isolated in a virtual world she can control, or allow herself to be drawn into the real messy lives of her family and friends?
7. Turns out the stories are true and based on the lives of both Torrie and Abby – except the real endings are much worse.
8. Torrie reveals her artwork is about the goodness of God the Father who is with us amid life’s tragedies.
First Draft:
Title: The Plastic Bag
Written by: Deborah Johnson
Genre: Dramedy
We’ve followed a tailcoat, a red violin, and traveling pants now get ready for the Plastic Bag.
It all starts with little Delia who shatters a glass door while trying to stop her father from leaving. She’s got scars. A scripture verse touts the goodness of God, but it’s a strange juxtaposition.
Now Delia’s a snarky teen, addicted to her phone, and suspended from school for cyberbullying. Her rough-and-tumble grandma, Abby, tosses that phone out the car window. They’re on their way to visit Abby’s oldest friend.
The uber-famous, yet grounded artist, Torrie Hartman has woven the stories of the Plastic Bag into her new art exhibit. Each piece of art comes alive as she narrates each story.
This cursed bag wreaks havoc in every life it touches as it: almost suffocates a baby, sets up a near car wreck, kicks off WW3 on a playground, sends a kid to urgent care, carries heist money, and launches a misguided shopping spree.
Should Delia remain isolated in a virtual world she can control, or allow herself to be drawn into the real messy lives of her family and friends?
Turns out the stories are true and based on the lives of both Torrie and Abby – except the real endings are much worse. Delia is moved.
Finally, Torrie reveals how her artwork paints a picture of God the Father, abounding in steadfast love, who is with us amid life’s tragedies.
The door to life is open for Delia to step through and her family is there to welcome her.
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Tasha’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is you can really narrow down your story and see where the points of interest or marketability could be elevated and how that would inform a rewrite. I really want to tell the story in my synopsis and it has made me excited for the rewrite.
Chosen Hooks:
1. How hard is it to find love if you were once possessed by a demon?
2. Bethany tries to date but her demon and her priest won’t let her.
3. Demon 23 acts more like a toxic ex than a supernatural entity
4. Bethany has to fight Demon 23 in the middle of a date
5. Bethany discovers that a video of her exorcism has been sent to her ex suitors and there’s a support group for guys who dated her.
6. Priest Deacon Anders is a closet occultist who wants to possess his way to the Vatican and he’ll kill Bethany to do it.
7. Bethany has to team up with the Demon 23, in order to survive.
8. Bethany and Demon 23 undergo a couple’s counseling session to try and resolve their issues
9. Demon 23 realizes he wants to love Bethany, not possess her.
10. It’s The Exorcist after Reagan recovers and starts dating.
Synopsis – First Draft
Title: An Exorcise in Love
Written By: Tasha Espinoza
Genre: Horror / Rom Com
Love. Most of us want it. There’s a whole industry out there dedicated to making romantic connections. But what good is your dating app, if you were once possessed by a demon?
All Bethany wants is one, decent date, but her demon and her priest won’t allow it. Demon 23 acts more like a toxic ex than a supernatural force, interrupting her dates with paranormal activity bordering on domestic violence. And she can’t turn to her priest, Deacon Anders, because he keeps assigning her penance every time she swipes right.
Finding love is already hard enough as it is. But when Bethany discovers that a tape of her exorcism has been circulated amongst her potential and it has resulted in a support group called, “The Survivors of Bethany”, she vows to put a stop to the bad dating once and for all.
As she digs deeper down the rabbit hole she discovers that her father figure and mentor, Deacon Anders, is not only behind the betrayal, but he’s a closet occultist Hell-bent on possessing his way to the Vatican and using Bethany’s death to do so.
If Bethany is going to survive, she must team up with Demon 23, but will a round of couple’s therapy help her get past the whole soul possession thing in order to trust him? Or even worse, can she deal with Demon 23’s realization that he wants to love her, not possess.
Did Reagan from The Exorcist have to put up with this kind of nonsense when she recovered and started dating?
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It appears the lesson I received as lesson 5 was not this one. So here is the revised Lesson 5 assignment.
Subject: Monica’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment attempt to grab the attention of a producer through hooks and to brainstorm more if the hooks appear weak.
Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.
· Human trafficking is big business. It generates billions of USD worldwide each year.
· The next Taken.
· Theme – family vs duty.
· Lone wolf, bad ass female detective vs cocaine addict trafficker who thinks he can get away with anything.
· Detective’s sister disappears and is last seen with the trafficker.
· The main trafficker and his mother have an Oedipus complex relationship.
· There’s a leak in the police department.
· Source “new blood” from US sanctuary cities.
· The detective sister betrays her by being part of the human trafficking ring.
· In the midst of all the misery a budding relationship grows between the Detective and her Inspector partner.
Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.
Title: TRAFFICK/STOP
Written by: Monica E. Arisman
Genre: Action/Adventure
The next Taken!
Business is booming! Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. One woman can make her pimp $300K a year.
With her sister last seen with a known trafficker, Victoria, an undercover cop with a bad-ass attitude, infiltrates the human trafficking ring pretending to want in on the action. When she’s introduced to Jack, a cocaine addicted trafficker Victoria recognizes him as the man her sister was with when she disappeared.
Jack and his mother, Beatrice, enjoy an Oedipus complex-type relationship and have over enjoyed the fruits of their depravity. After putting Victoria in charge of their new gentlemen’s club it is raided by the police. The girls rescued. And, now they must source new blood from one of the US sanctuary cities.
But that also goes wrong. And to top things off, the traffickers police contact has gone silent. Thinking Victoria is to blame for all their bad luck, Jack takes things into his own hands. Only to have Victoria beat him at his own game. Until Jack’s girlfriend tells him who Victoria really is.
Will Victoria survive what Jack has planned for her? Or, will the betrayal that her sister was part of the human trafficking ring all along destroy her instead?
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<font size=”3″>Terrell’s Synopsis Hooks
</font><font size=”3″>What I learned doing this assignment is I’m seeing setups, payoffs. subtext, varying storylines all within a handful of hooks.</font>
Title: Darkness
Written by Terrell Harris
Genre: horror
Major Opening Hook: A large monster attacks a small bungalow. The unsuspecting/inebriated foreigner sleeps through the whole thing, while the terrified Filpina witnesses everything and bolts at sunrise to his surprise. This resort is haunted/cursed.
Targeted by a vengeful and
powerful witch with an army of creatures at her command, the resort
owner fights back in her own way, one of which is targeting
foreigners for overnight stays, who don’t believe in the local
folklore or curses.Emotional Dilemma 1: A superstitious businessman eyes a small goblin causing mischief in the resort bar, ((Intrigue) “visible to just him,”) he is eager to regain his father’s favor, but must overcome his fear of the supernatural to scout and acquire the resort. At the same time his father lambastes him over the phone that he better get this deal done or he’s out of the family business.
Emotional Dilemma 2: A self confessed witch falls in love with the vlogger and goes against her coven to protect him, warning him of the dangers of the cursed resort.
Emotional Dilemma 3: The vlogger has a huge crush on the resort owner. Will he win her heart?
Major Twist: In a fit of jealously the self confessed witch double crosses the vlogger with a plan to sacrifice him to the darkness in his own heart
Major Turning Point: The entire resort comes under attach by an inky darkness that ordinary light can’t penetrate. Numerous monsters inhabit this darkness.
Major Twist: Every creature in the darkness is not evil and murderous, and some will aid the humans for a favor or 2.
Major Twist: Everyone trapped in the witches darkness must face a darkness within their own heart/ psyche.
What surprises awaits them in the darkness?
Can the heroic trio (vlogger, resort owner, businessman) survive the darkness, save the resort and defeat the witch?
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Terrell Harris.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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What I learned from this assignment is that I’m still wrestling with MITs and hooks, however I understand concept vs. logline. I think mistakenly I wrote my MITs in a hook-style. But also, I thought a synopsis is more of a one-pager, even though my Elevator pitch would be pretty close to my simplest and strongest of my most unique MIT’s.
Here it goes:
If I told you this is a sports story with gambling, drugs, and murder, what sport would you guess? The main character is a rock-star, golf-phenom who crashes the LPGA rankings.
Enola is a Serial Killer Sports Comedy, and not in that order.
Enola discovers and develops an unusual winning habit. She reluctantly makes a deal with the devil, her brother, in his sobriety as he takes over as her caddy. She also embarks on another journey trying to confess to her strangely tone-deaf supporters.
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Just a quick review, I receive these lessons via email, and for this #5 I received #6 via email, that was my confusion with synopsis vs. elevator pitch, because the lessons were mixed up.
Check that Hal.
So if to edit this assignment then I’d simply shorten it, from 3 points to 2. I’d ask the question about the sports story. and then I’d add the next line, Serial Killer Sports Comedy.
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Also…
· Dilemma: If you wanted something so much, would you be willing to do anything to get it?
· Main Conflict—Enola makes a deal with the devil, her brother, her caddy and develops a dangerous pre-game ritual.
· What’s at Stake?—Winning in the LPGA is everything to her, she’s devoted her whole life to the game.
· Goal/Unique Opposition—Winning, she is very loyal to her family, her brother who she saves, helps, and cohorts with.
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1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
Baking Bad 1968
Reba–Unhappy as a teacher role model and wife, Reba finds her way to happiness through her love of baking/cooking by helping her sister (& college friends) create an amazing gourmet ‘mary jane’ brownie. She is able to save emergency money her husband doesn’t know about.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
A Home Economics teacher finds feminism while helping her sister make and sell gourmet magic brownies in Berkeley to help raise money for their leaky roof.
Dilemma Job as a role model versus enjoying your career<div>
Main Conflict Unfulfilled and unhappy marriage
What’s at stake? Her career and marriage
Goal/Unique Opposition Loving the challenge of creating a fantastic brownie that everyone loves and buys.
Reba puts her job and marriage to a domineering husband at risk for the love of baking.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
Married to a chauvinist pig, a Home Economics teacher finds feminism while teaching her sister to make and sell gourmet magic brownies in Berkeley during the 1960’s.
Addictive
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
A Nobel prize winner is fired and removed at the moment she is to implement the world-wide holistic environmental solution for the self-destructing world of immortals, and then placed in a survival reality game of addicts.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma – Survive extreme loss and not use her go-to by cutting herself or she is dead. Next, implement the solution to save the world resources and reverse the pollution of the world.
Main Conflict – Evil Seth first granted immortality and now entertains the masses with death. He controls Federated government and population via money and media; He doesn’t want anyone to interfere in his games of destruction.
What’s at stake? The life of the only person that can save the world.
Goal/Unique Opposition – Kill Seth. Help addicts support each other and find a way to live off the grid in order to survive and transform meaningful change for the world.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
A dystopian cyberpunk story that sets immortal Outliers against their darkest addictions in a reality game show for survival.
4. Answer the
question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”Streamline the hook. Don’t let their eyes glaze over with explanations.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Tricia Tribble.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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Tony J Scott High Concept/Elevator Pitch
HIGH CONCEPT: In a near future when humans and vampires coexist, and the Vatican/Vampire peace agreement is broken, what happens when a Vatican priest is ordered to execute vampires created illegally?
MAJOR STORY HOOK: Father Julian Davenport, trapped in a time loop, is hunted by a killer monk. Can he end the time loop, save the life of his precious niece and protect his biggest secret.
ELEVATOR PITCH: A Priest ordered to execute illegal vampires, discovers he’s killed his niece.
COMP: Underworld meets Live Die Repeat
Dilemma: To end the time loop should he take his own life or perform a Holy Ritual on his niece.
What’s at Stake: The life of his niece.
Unique: Father Julian is stuck in a time loop. He’s murdering innocent victims as well as being hunted.
Main Conflict: How to end the time loop and save his niece’s life.
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ASSIGNMENT #5
Subject line: Sheila Rinear Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is: that I find this really tough to do. I get plot points and reversals and twists easily mixed up. I tried really hard to make it not sound like a book report but I’m afraid that it does sound like a book report. I hope to get better at this.
Hooks (COM and MIT) that could give overview of my story.
1. The story is historically true and the fictionalization is based in research.
2. Great Roles
3. Franchise worthy story
4. Opening scene: the young English king realizes his mother, the queen, was in love with the man the young king just executed for murdering his father, the previous king.
5. The young king discovers his mother has a bastard son in France that she intends to install as king.
6. The young king invades France, proves himself a great military strategist but suffers haunting nightmares.
7. The bastard son imposes himself as a dream interpreter in the English camp and discovers truth when he “aides” the English king with his nightmares.
8. The queen’s plans and support base crumble as she’ll throw anyone who crosses her under the carriage. As she’s led away in chains screaming it’s not over, she’s right. It went on for a hundred more years.
· Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.
Huzzah! The wicked traitor who murdered the English King and robbed the treasury is dead. The new young King Edward just executed this traitor. But…
Royals Alert: at the execution, young King Edward’s vengeful she-wolf mother, Queen Isabella, publicly demonstrated that she was in love with the man Edward executed. What?
Along with this really-bad-day news brought to us by historical accounts, Edward’s advisors put him wise to the fact that Isabella’s got a younger bastard son, Robert, hidden in France waiting to take Edward’s throne.
Edward invades France to capture his bastard brother. Edward proves himself a gifted military strategist surprising all with his victories and charm. Edward’s one weakness does show up and threaten to paralyze his winning streak: nightmares.
A dream interpreter in the English camp, relieving soldiers of their PTSD symptoms, is brought to Edward. Traveling incognito, the dream interpreter is none other than Robert, Edward’s brother. Coincidence? Oh, not at all.
When Edward’s wife has more than her curiosity aroused by the charismatic dream interpreter, she discovers his true identity. What could that lead to?
Battles, betrayals, surprise loyalties and heroic deeds that span a war that lasted one hundred years.
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What I learned doing this assignment was that the High Concept Pitch delivers the hook in a single sentence and gets right to the hook.
Lin’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
1. Big picture explanation of lead character’s journey.
Based on the true story about a petite, young woman who forced her way into an all male profession who did not welcome her and tried to get her to quit so they could return to the status quo. They underestimated her determination, skills and tenacity.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma:
She forced her way into the all male, electrical apprenticeship program. If the union can get her to quit they will have a legitimate excuse to keep other women out.
Main Conflict:
Can a 21 year old woman interfere with men’s godly rights?
What’s at stake:
If Linda can’t make it through the 4 year apprenticeship, it’s doubtful another woman would get this chance.
Goal/Unique Opposition:
Can a young, petite woman change the minds and hearts of hardened union electricians or is their bias permanent?
3. What is your Elevator Pitch?
In a true David-versus-Goliath story, a petite and naïve young woman shatters gender barriers as she joins an all-male electrical apprenticeship program, sparking a four-year battle of wit and determination against a union determined to see her fail.
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Addictive
High Concept –A dystopian cyberpunk story that sets immortal Outliers against their darkest addictions in a reality game show for survival.
Elevator Pitch-Addictive is a Sci-fi Horror and a 2023 Finalist for the Cordillera and Semi-Finalist for the Geneva International Film Fests.
Before a brilliant immortal can put her plan into action which would alter earth’s deterioration, she must survive a reality show by an ancient Evil. Seth would rather distract the populace by reintroducing death on those who oppose him.
Baking Bad – 1968
High Concept–Married to a chauvinist pig, a Home Economics teacher finds feminism while helping her sister and friends make and sell gourmet magic brownies in Berkeley.
Elevator Pitch–Two sisters burn their bras as their men-friends burn their draft cards during the violent, creative and transformational 60’s while singing, baking and selling gourmet Mary Jane brownies.
The Dark One
High Concept–A child of a mentally ill mother, becomes a force to help and protect children and critters of abuse until she wakes from her coma.
Elevator Pitch– Horror Genre- A child integrates her shadow side and saves innocents. This little girl makes predators face their greatest fears and are given the choice to stay in their personal hell or change.
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Lesson 5 – Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is to stay focused on the hooks as they carry the synopsis and story forward.
Hooks –
A romantically changed woman SW lies to mother about bringing home a boyfriend for Christmas.
SW (single woman) loses big pitch to CW (co-worker).
SW cons grinchy CW to go home with her for a small-town Christmas.
SW strikes a deal with CW to pose as her bf for Christmas in exchange for her help with the lucrative pitch.
SW realizes she has feelings for CW, who just happens to be an ex-boyfriend.
SW realizes she has feeling for HSS (high school sweetheart)
As bond grows stronger between SW and CW, they decide to keep it professional.
CW goes back to the big city.
With the CW gone, SW has a chance to explore feelings for HSS.
CW returns to the small town to give his pitch to the big boss and clients.
CW pitch jeopardizes HSS business.
After a heated debate, a snowstorm strands everyone in the small town.
SW sketches out a plan. Distraught, she goes home, thinking everyone hates her.
Next day, CW shows up at Christmas Eve Festival and says her plan worked. CW and HSS tweaked her proposal and the client loved it. SW and CW received promotions. HSS business was saved and on the path for expansion.
CW, thinking SW is in love with HSS, goes back to NYC.
SW realizes she is in love with CW and he is her real Christmas Boyfriend.
First Draft Synopsis –
As Christmas nears, Samantha dreads the annual ‘Are you dating anyone?’ interrogation from her mother. When this year’s inquisition starts, Samantha snaps and claims to be in a relationship. To save face, Samantha strikes a deal with her grinchy, big-city, office rival, Nick, to pose as her boyfriend for a small-town Christmas celebration. In exchange, Samantha offers to help Nick prepare a lucrative business proposal.
Sparks ignite while Samantha helps Nick discover his Christmas spirit, but they keep it professional and suppress their developing feelings. To add to her confusion, Samantha realizes she still likes her former hometown sweetheart, Ben, who operates a local, financially struggling business.
With Nick’s proposal deadline looming, he returns to the city to stay focused on work and not be distracted by his growing affections for Samantha. In Nick’s absence, Samantha explores her unresolved feelings for Ben. As Samantha and Ben get reacquainted, Nick returns, elated with his finished business proposal. Nick’s elation is short-lived when everyone realizes his proposal inadvertently jeopardizes businesses in town and a heated exchange ensues between Samantha, Nick and Ben.
While Samantha mulls over her relationship with Nick and the potential damage caused by his proposal, she creates a pitch which could revitalize businesses in her hometown. Nick mistakenly believes Samantha is still in love with Ben and gallantly steps aside. Samantha is devastated as she believes Nick is the one for her. When Nick realizes his true feelings for Samantha, he returns to be her Christmas boyfriend.
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Linda Anderson’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is it took discipline not to veer from selling the sizzle into telling details of the story.
Main Hook
The parallel journeys and empathy between an ex-cop with PTSD and broken-spirited abandoned dog make them the only ones who can save each other’s lives. Adapted from my New York Times bestseller.
Elevator Pitch
Destiny Dog is adapted from a New York Times bestselling memoir and appeals to the 61.5 million American homes with dogs. After writing a multi-national series of books about animals, my husband, Allen, and I co-wrote A Dog Named Leaf. It answers questions many pet owners have: Why this dog? Why now? Audiences worldwide were inspired by The Art of Racing in the Rain, A Dog’s Purpose, and Marley & Me, but events in our true story aren’t fictional. They really happened. This gritty, bighearted screenplay shows Allen’s and Leaf’s parallel journey of agony, empathy, and a sixth-sense that make them the only ones who can heal each other. A world-class animal trainer, who worked with Martin Scorsese on Hugo and trained the dogs for Max, read my script and would love to supervise animal action in the film.
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Rob’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned from this assignment: Figuring out the marketing hooks felt like a daunting task, but they came quickly and easily when I finally sat down to figure them out.
Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
1. How can you patch up your failing relationship with your 13-year-old at this weekend’s father-daughter camping trip when you’re stuck 400 years in the past?
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma – The hapless, bullied main character is stuck 400 years in the past and wants to get home, but here in 1621 he is a respected leader of the community.
Main Conflict – He must figure out how to get back to modern-day Massachusetts from 1621 Plymouth colony.
What’s at stake? – The main character’s life in 2023 and all his relationships, especially with his estranged 13-year-old daughter.
Goal/Unique Opposition: He’s an ineffective cranberry sauce marketer who must invent Thanksgiving to make the wishbone wish that will take him back home.
2. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
Finally, the Thanksgiving-themed comedy we never realized we needed. It’s “Elf” meets “Back to the Future” on Turkey Day.
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Rob’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned from this assignment: I see how the building blocks of the hooks and concepts I’ve been developing are the raw material for the bigger marketing pitch. Using those building blocks made writing the following synopsis fun and easy.
Pilgrim Phil Synopsis
Great news! This weekend you’ll finally get some one-on-one time to patch up your failing relationship with your daughter. The bad news? You’re stuck in 1621 as a Pilgrim and have no idea how to get back home to 2023.
Finally, it’s the Thanksgiving family comedy we never realized we were missing!
Phil is a struggling junior cranberry sauce salesman who’s having an especially rough Turkey Day. He’s stuck in a dead-end job working for his obnoxious younger brother; his recently divorced wife has remarried to a world-class neurosurgeon/opera singer/super nice guy who outclasses him in every way; and worst of all, his relationship with his 13-year-old daughter Rachel has become distant and sour.
Phil has a long-awaited chance to patch things up with Rachel this coming weekend at the father-daughter camping trip, but when he gets the wishbone at the Thanksgiving dinner table, he makes a wish that inadvertently turns his entire life upside down. The seemingly innocuous words “I wish Thanksgiving had never been invented,” backfire, and he finds himself flung through time to ye olde Pilgrim days of 1621.
The first person he meets is an orphaned, 13-year-old Native American girl who teaches Phil how to appreciate the blessings in his life, how to be a better father, and how to get back to the future: he must convince the reluctant natives and dimwitted Pilgrims to help him invent Thanksgiving so he can make the wishbone wish that will take him back home.
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Bob Kerr: Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that my first synopsis sent to a producer, though rough, was basically on target. This is becoming something I can both understand and apply.
ROUGH DRAFT OF MY SYNOPSIS:
In 1974, a young mother escapes an abusive marriage and seeks refuge with her authoritarian father as a last resort. Virtually penniless she accepts the harsh terms of her fathers support and pursues her dream of earning a college degree, at Wichita State. The dream is to provide a better future for her daughter. At her work study job, she meets a World Champion rowing coach who relentlessly recruits her to go out for rowing, but she rejects him out of hand. At home, her father learns of this World Champion and encourages the young woman to go out. Yielding to her fathers expectations, she goes out for rowing. She soon discovers a sisterhood of fellow rowers who comprise the first ever women’s rowing crew at Wichita State. In the process, the young woman breaks her agreement with her father and changes from a passive milk toast to an empowered woman becoming a leader. As the crew is coached by the World Champion, they overcome all obstacles. Together they hide a secret that could derail their dreams. Ultimately they become champions.
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JOHN WOODWARD Synopsis Hooks
Doing this assignment I learned to include marketability and hooks in oral and written presentations like a SYNOPSIS.
Hooks:
1. Strong audience appeal of the GENRE.
For nine decades, noir thrillers have fascinated audiences with darkly compelling characters, tragic anti-heroes, irresistible femme fatales, smart dialogue, and callous gangsters. The proven audience appeal of the genre includes dozens of movies that are both financial and artistic successes, movies like Chinatown, Fargo, Basic Instinct, Casablanca, Pulp Fiction, No Country for Old Men, Momento, Body Heat, and The Last Seduction.
The Takedown Artist delivers on the neo-noir genre conventions with intense thrills, surprising twists, mystery, suspense, intrigue, betrayal, passion and love. Perhaps most important, the relationship between Chance and Allison has a level of depth that is rare even in the best noir thrillers.
2. Great roles for bankable actors.
Chance Mitchel is both on the ropes and at the end of his rope. He’s a tragically-flawed, tough guy and a resourceful loser who recently retired as a professional MMA fighter to manage and train a small team of fighters. While Chance skillfully maneuvers the callous brutality of the fight world, in his personal life he has a solitary existence with no meaningful connection. Allison’s and her daughter’s dire circumstances and vulnerability reawaken in Chance a powerful hunger for the meaningful relationships of a family. As Chance protects them from a series of deadly threats, he experiences not only intimacy, but also the powerful sense of having a purpose greater than himself. Although Chance believes Allison killed her husband, he can’t help dropping his guard, which might prove lovely or lethal.
The Chance role should prove attractive to bankable actors, including action stars looking for a role with action but also more depth.
Allison Van Zandt is the romantic lead, but is she also a femme fatale villain? She’s wounded, vulnerable, victimized yet sly, tough, even predatory. No mere damsel in distress, she can give as well as take. A tough match for even the toughest of men. She’s a tender trap men find hard to resist. With vulnerability, innocent charm, and youthful beauty, she earns Chance’s trust, but does she deserve it? The role of Allison can do for a relatively unknown actor what Basic Instinct did for Sharon Stone.
The Takedown Artist
A twist-filled Neo-Noir Thriller that keeps the viewer guessing until the final scene.
LOGLINE: An art dealer’s wife seduces a washed-up cage fighter into stealing a priceless masterpiece from her abusive husband, incurring the wrath of its barbaric Russian owner. A fixed fight, a cursed masterpiece, and a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust, and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.
SYNOPSIS:
When prideful cage fighter Diego “The Hammer” Dedon fails to take a dive, he puts himself and his longtime trainer, Chance Mitchell, in the crosshairs of a cutthroat fight fixer.
Presented with a pay-up-or-die ultimatum by the fixer, Chance visits the Malibu home of Brad Van Zandt, a notorious broker of black-market art, who owes him money. Van Zandt is nowhere to be found, so Chance puts the squeeze on Brad’s estranged wife. Allison Van Zandt seems to have everything — beauty, charm, wealth, and sex appeal. But things aren’t as they seem. Allison claims that she’s separated from Brad because he‘s a controlling sociopath. She further claims that Brad’s about to flee to Europe with a priceless El Greco masterpiece he stole from his client, Vladimir Prudnikov, a Russian expatriate in LA to shop the hot masterpiece — “trophy art” stolen during World War II. And to top it all off, she says, Brad insists that he’ll take their 8-year-old daughter Melissa with him, and that if Allison refuses to join them, he guarantees he’ll kill her.
Allison makes a proposal to Chance: If he helps her steal the priceless masterpiece at the West Hollywood luxury hotel where she’s scheduled to meet Brad, she’ll pay off the fight fixer. Although Chance has no way of knowing whether Allison is an abused wife and mother desperate to free herself from a controlling husband, or a world-class con artist, he agrees to help her with the heist.
Their plan backfires when Brad assaults Allison at the hotel. When Chance restrains Brad to protect Allison, the art dealer viciously bites Chance’s arm, resulting in a devastating one-punch knock out of the abuser. When Chance returns from the hotel garage with the El Greco, the unconscious Brad is now the mysteriously dead Brad. Chance accuses Allison of killing her husband, but Allison claims Brad must have died as result of his fight with Chance. Now Chance and Allison have to sell the masterpiece — and ditch a body from the 14th floor of a Sunset Strip luxury hotel. And how does Chance get his blood out of the carpet and even worse — out of the dead guy’s mouth? The police aren’t the only problem. They’ve inherited the wrath of the Russian from whom Brad stole the El Greco, Vladimir Prudnikov, a battle-hardened, homicidal psychopath with an air of sophistication.
As events unfold, Allison’s and her daughter’s dire circumstances and vulnerability reawaken in Chance a hunger for the family life that so far has escaped him. As he protects them from a series of deadly threats, he experiences not only intimacy, but also the powerful sense of having a purpose greater than himself. Although Chance strongly suspects that Allison killed her husband, he can’t resist dropping his guard, a game plan that ultimately might prove lovely or lethal.
To recover his prized El Greco, Prudnikov kidnaps Allison’s daughter and demands the El Greco in exchange for the little girl. Chance recruits Hammer to help him battle Prudnikov and his allies. Hammer tries to convince Chance to keep the masterpiece and abandon Allison and her daughter. Chance refuses. Allison, for her part, tries to convince Chance that it’s not her but Hammer who can’t be trusted. When she asks Chance why he’s willing to risk his life to help her rescue Melissa, his selfless answer impresses her. Their revealing and emotional discussion ends with a loving embrace and a kiss.
Chance and his team rescue Melissa from Prudnikov in a bloody battle at a closed Russian nightclub, but it appears Allison may have double-crossed him when she flees the scene with the El Greco while Chance lay unconscious after being KOed by the Russians. Later, when Chance questions Allison about fleeing with the priceless masterpiece, she claims that she fled the nightclub to survive a barrage of bullets fired by Hammer in an attempt to steal the painting for himself. Hammer tries to convince Chance that Allison fled because she sees Chance as a useful chump. Chance remains confused about whom to believe. Once Chance decides to trust Allison, he has a savage fight with Hammer that climaxes as they wrestle for a pistol. As Hammer is about to kill Chance, Allison shoots Hammer.
With the fortune generated by the El Greco’s sale, Allison, Chance, and Melissa now live a beautiful family life in a scenic ocean-side villa in Mexico. Allison serves a margarita, and all seems hunky-dory, but the past still haunts Chance, and he regularly checks the Internet for news. He finds a shocking article, “MEDICAL EXAMINER CONFIRMS ART DEALER POISONED.” Chance studies his empty margarita glass. Is he poisoned or just sick from the possibility? He wobbles to the window for air, blinks to clear his vision. Lovely, fresh, sexy Allison sashays to Chance with two more margaritas, holds the frosty glass to his lips, coaxes her lover to drink. When Chance reaches for the margarita in Allison’s other hand, she responds, “That’s mine, honey. Yours is the one with salt.” Eden disintegrates. Chance asserts firmly, “I know you poisoned Brad. Have you poisoned me?” Allison holds his margarita — the one with salt, “You think this is poisoned?” He nods. To prove she did not poison Chance, she takes a huge gulp of the drink. She wraps her arms around him and with cold, glistening lips whispers in his ear, “You may be well advised to protect yourself at all times, but I intend to keep you for another fifty years.” Chance searches her eyes for a clue. Her incredible beauty and availability make him ache to believe her. He asks, “How do I know you never will?”
Seemingly hurt by his lack of trust, Allison backpedals from him. With puzzling urgency, she bolts out the door, sprints toward the beach. Chance follows, watches from a distance as she races into the surf. Allison angles her body away from him to conceal her action, but she can’t hide her attempts to induce vomiting. As Chance realizes that Allison did indeed poison his drink, he collapses on the wet sand.
Now purged of the poison, Allison wipes her mouth, strides through the waves, emerges triumphantly from the moonlit sea as the real Takedown Artist, having taken down six extremely macho men. As she walks with her daughter to the villa, Melissa asks, “What about Chance?” Allison responds, “Don’t worry, honey. He’ll wake up when the tide tickles his toes. He needs to sleep.”
A fixed fight, a cursed masterpiece, and a decadent LA underworld forge a neo-noir canvas where timeless themes of love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.
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Dan’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned is… how much more effective – and even easier, tbh! – it is to write a synopsis using hooks. No need for unnecessary backstory to bog it down!
Hooks:
The villain is trapping the family inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them
Kendall has broken free from the kaleidoscope, but she has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.
The kaleidoscope is essentially hell, where the victims are stuck in this personalized nightmare and can be fed on whenever the demon pleases
Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope
Finds a kaleidoscope (concept)
Kendall is showing signs of being possessed by the kaleidoscope
But other family members are seemingly possessed as well
There’s a demon inside the kaleidoscope: the demon can put victims into separate versions of “reality”/But it turns out that the kaleidoscope is really just separating each family member into their own “nightmare,” and posing as the other family members
The villain is trapping the family inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them
Kendall has broken free from the kaleidoscope, but she has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.
The kaleidoscope is essentially hell, where the victims are stuck in this personalized nightmare and can be fed on whenever the demon pleases
Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope
First draft of synopsis:
Kaleidoscopes can be magical, but this one is evil.
Troubled teen Kendall Grady finds the kaleidoscope while house hunting with her grieving family. At first, Kendall starts acting strange: she has hallucinations of being attacked in her home, and exhibits signs of being possessed. Her mother, Nora, grows concerned – but little does Nora know, other family members are seemingly becoming possessed as well.
This carousel of terrors isn’t exactly what it seems, though: there’s a demon inside the kaleidoscope. It’s been slowly isolating each family member into their own personalized nightmare, using the denials of each to turn their home into a web of inescapable phantasms.
Eventually, Kendall miraculously breaks free from the hellish maze her home has become, and learns the demon in the kaleidoscope intends to devour her family members after they’re fully trapped.
She decides to go back and try to rescue her family, risking her life once again.
Will Kendall be able to find her loved ones and save them from the horrifying labyrinth of the kaleidoscope? Or will she fall prey to its powerful illusions?
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High Concept/Elevator Pitch
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
A smug armchair detective’s overconfidence blinds her to the obvious corruption under her nose until the very scams she derides implicate her, forcing her to gain humility and discretion to reveal the chilling truth.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma – Salvage her reputation by burying the truth or own her mistakes and take down the old boys’ club.
Main Conflict – Prove she’s a skilled detective versus become the gullible victim she mocked.
What’s at stake? Her credibility and the safety of dismissed women.
Goal/Unique Opposition – Take down the cunning con artist who beat her at her own game.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’m finishing up a timely true crime dramedy that hilariously subverts beloved Florida absurdity tropes by forcing a conceited criminology buff to gain compassion when the very scams she arrogantly mocks ensnare her. It combines the quirky character dynamics of Search Party with the complex female relationships in Bad Sisters and themes of courage in the face of adversity like Claws. The protagonist’s journey taps into the popularity of true crime entertainment while giving it a fresh upside-down perspective. With its zeitgeisty premise exploring hubris and redemption, it’s primed to resonate
4. After relishing in deriding “gullible” women in true crime cases, a smug Florida armchair detective desperate to prove her unmatched skills makes herself the next easy victim in a femme fatale plot – forcing her to gain discretion and empathy to unravel the chilling truth and take down the old boys’ club.
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