Lesson 5: Dialogue from Character Profiles

[Marguerite Langstaff]

Module 7 Lesson 5 Dialogue from Character Profiles

Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501

Vision: I want to write and market screen scripts.

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that I need to go through 100% of my dialogue and consider whether it fits my character’s profile and also whether it’s just too wordy with the words being unnecessary. Dialogue should not be used as a “filler.” I look forward to studying this further and working on and through it. I also learned that it’s time I started incorporating AI in my work. Based on what we’ve done I need to learn to fashion the effective questions for ChatGPT and use it as my assistant, and that’s what I plan to do. Immediately….at least when I get caught up with all the lessons.

State/I absolutely love to move right along in this course and when I study the dialogue I can see that some needs changing.

Activity: writing from character profiles.

Pappy:I’m choosing Pappy to improve dialogue first. He is a lead character and yet his dialogue could probably come from most any character…it’s too bland. When the characters talk about having a market & Pappy says “Could we..etc.” that should be changed to dictatorial type remarks and plans from Pappy. He is used to being in charge and telling the world what to do and how to do it. Example: Instead of, “Can we sell them in the summer market in front of Shady Acres?” He says, “We’ll set up booths and bring in the public. Mimi, you’re the advice booth, and Frances knits mittens.” Instead of saying, “I hope so. Chaking!” when referring to Frances as the cash register, he simply says, “Chaking.” Small things but I will change his dialogue from bland to bossy.

Mimi: Mimi has too much superfluous dialogue also. Example: She says the market is in “three weeks.” That’s useless in the movie…who cares. For example, when she meets Sally and says, “I have to go over and let Frances tell my fortune, “ that’s worthless dialogue. Nobody cares where she’s going. She should just leave.

This overhaul of my dialogue may be the biggest project yet, because it needs rework in its entirety.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Elevated Dialogue!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could not be nearly as creative as the examples of elevated dialogue given in this lesson. I ended up rewording probably 75% of Libby’s and Freida’s dialogue, and believe I truly elevated Freida’s by making her sound like a German speaking English imperfectly. But I basically shortened Libby’s speeches. Child prodigy Allison already spoke much too intelligently for a 12-year-old, so I left most of her speeches as written.

In the next lessons, I will continue brainstorming dialogue. My brainstorming this time never came up with more than three ways of saying the same thing. I need to work on attaining this skill.

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 1

Lloyd Shellenberger loves Elevated Dialogue

My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

What I learned from doing this assignment is There is always more to our characters than the first draft.

I did go through all 95 pages and there were many instances of flat dialogue. The lead character didn’t have the best dialogue. I also found some reveals that I used to elevate the script. Overall, I am still at 50% while looking for new ideas to improve the script. I also found some examples of character arc and transformation that would improve the character depth.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

I used Final Draft’s character reports to pull the dialogue for my main characters and rewrote 4 lines for Patrick, two for Bacrah, and one for King Loeghaire.

Rewrites:

Patrick: Content. Changed to: Carrying my own burden. And you, sir?

Patrick: I could spare a day in exchange for food. Changed to: I am loathe to delay a day, but I am in need of food.

Bacrah: Why have you summoned me? Changed to: With what evil deed may I serve you here?

[H. Vince]

H. Vince’s Elevated Dialogue

WIM Module 7 – 2023

Lesson 5: Dialogue from Character Profiles

My Vision: I will be a professional screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I could add more interesting dialogue to elevate the scene.

TITLE: DREAM VACATION

WRITTEN BY: H. Vince

GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER

HIGH CONCEPT: When a retired couple finally take their dream vacation, the husband starts showing signs of rapid dementia and leaves his wife in distress in a foreign country.

MAJOR STORY HOOK: Imagine thinking you can trust your doctor to prescribe you something to block your anxiety and instead you become a guinea pig for a clinical trial drug that causes extreme memory loss while you’re in a foreign country on your dream vacation!?

EXAMPLE:

Originally:

AIRLINE STAFF MEMBER 1

You’re the Porters?

JAMES AND CLARA

Yes (simultaneously)

AIRLINE STAFF MEMBER 1

Let’s go. We’re waiting for you.

Changed to:

AIRLINE STAFF MEMBER 1

You’re the Porters?

JAMES

Yes, John and Sara

AIRLINE STAFF MEMBER 1

What? I made a mistake..

CLARA

No, wait!

JAMES

(laughs) JAMES and CLARA! Let’s goooo..

AIRLINE STAFF MEMBER 1

(flustered) Okay??

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL – Elevated Dialogue

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I thought my dialogue was spot on but then looking closer I realized I could improve a bunch of lines. Looking forward to word-smithing and making it even better!!!

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
A fisherman is determined to catch the fish he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

ASSIGNMENT

3. Tell us how many lines you rewrote for each character and give us three of your favorites just for fun.
1.
John smirks.
JOHN
I bet you know the name of that bird, making all that noise.

I’m willing to bet, you know the name of that feathered squawk box making all that ruckus. Yeah, am I right?
Below the seat sits the tackle box.

2.

JOHN
You know, Great Grandpa was a great fisherman.

You know, Great Grandpappy… he was a great angler.

3.
JOHN
That picture there proves it.
(impressed)
Look at the size of that catfish.
Look at the size of that “Whisker-fish.”