Lesson 5 The first Draft Mary Buchanan

[Eugene Mandelcorn]

EUGENE’S FIRST DRAFT (LESSON 5)

What I learned doing this assignment is if it wasn’t for others in the class I would not find out what the assignment was.

Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

Concept:

Patrick Lee, the first Solution Candidate for President of the U.S. finally has taken the lead in the national polls and the Major Political Parties and the Government try to sabotage his campaign. Ignoring them and with the help of his running mate, Celeste SeedlingSun he continues to solve problems converting even more of the public to his campaign.

Main Conflict:

Patrick Lee has fallen in love with his Vice Presidental running mate, Celeste SeedlingSun and she must quell his advances at the same time as she prepares him to challenge the competition.

Old Ways:

The Old Politics of Parties and Promises. Of kissing babies and shaking hands. Of traveling around country on the tax payers dollar.

New Ways:

The Solution Candidates solve the problems facing the people, while they are running for office, and challenge others running for the White House to do the same.

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening :

Candidate Lee gives his first major Speech to a huge, adoring audience in Los Angeles, California.

NEXT scene:

Patrick and Celeste are discussing with Los Angeles City Officials their plans to eliminate Skid Row from the City and transport all the homeless to Angel City, a new planned community within the City of L.A.

Inciting Incident

They break ground on Angel City, which to the amazement of L.A. Officials, is completed in 7 days. This brings an almost instantaneous reaction from his opposition and his trusted campaign worker Seco is arrested on the spot.

Turning Point:

After trying to get Seco out of jail, Patrick visits a mental patient in a local asylum who may have lead to the arrest of Seco and learns how his campaign is effectively being attacked.

Act 2:

New plan:

Patrick must prove that the mental patient was talked into giving false testimony against Seco and that this was somehow arranged by his opponents.

Plan in action:

The mental patient retracts his claims against Seco and he is released from jail.

Midpoint Turning Point:

Patrick finds out that his old girlfriend, Barb, has turned him in to the IRS for possible income tax violations in the past preparation of his clients taxes, when he was a CPA.

Act 3:

Rethink everything:

Celeste helps Patrick prepare for the next Presidential Debate and tries to convince him that everything will be okay.

New Plan:

Patrick manages to get through the debate without having any kind of direct confrontation with the two major party candidates. He plays a game of verbal Aikido throwing them off guard as he makes positive statements that emphasize solutions.

Turning Point:

After winning the Debate he is arrested back stage for income tax evasion.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

Patrick goes over the figures with the IRS and proves everything he did is within the law. The Presidential Campaign takes place and even though Patrick Lee is not on the ballot and voters must write in his name, he wins the Popular Vote and the Electoral College Vote.

Unfortunately, he does not have a majority of the Electoral College, so the Republican House and the Democratic Senate must decide the President and Vice President. It is a tie in the House Vote for President, but Celeste SeedlingSun wins the Vice Presidency in the Senate Vote.

Resolution:

By Inauguration Day, there is still no clear winner in the House Vote for President, so Celeste SeedlingSun takes the Presidential Oath of Office, and makes an inspired Inaugural Speech as the First Native American President of the U.S.

[Samantha Reynolds]

Sam Reynolds – 4 Act Transformational Structure

Concept: After having to terminate her baby at 35 weeks due to a brain anomaly, 40-year-old Nadine slowly spirals into a grieving altered reality and chooses to go against all convention and deliver her dead baby at home on her own terms.

Main Conflict: Johnny is under the assumption that Nadine will deliver their dead baby at the hospital in 4 days but Nadine, knowing this is her last chance to ever have a baby due to age and after 3 miscarriages, has plans of her own: she wants to have her baby her way at home.

Old Ways:

Allows doctors to dictate what she should do

Afraid to speak up – follow rules

Didn’t know she could make herself have the baby at home

Timid and wants to stay hidden

Accepting that life happens to her and not taking any control

New Ways:

Confident to say NO and do it her way, its ok to lie

Takes control of her life and how she wants the birth to end

Wants to show herself and her baby

Doesn’t care what people think

Act 1:

Opening: It is the morning of the termination though the audience doesn’t know this. Nadine and Johnny wake, they are late. Nadine wakes Johnny and makes sure the hospital bag is packed. Nadine lingers by her baby’s room door before being rushed out by Johnny.

Inciting Incident: In the hospital room, Nadine and Johnny see their baby alive on the ultrasound. The doctors ask for the last time if this termination is something they both want to do. They both say yes.

Turning Point: The termination is complete. The baby is dead. Nadine’s doctor is set to deliver the baby in the hospital in 4 days. There is no going back.

Act 2:

Nadine doesn’t want to accept her reality: dead baby, never being a mom, going to hospital to give birth, resting at home and watches all the kids and moms from her window; so, she prepares her baby’s room and buys some new items for the baby and washes all the baby’s clothes they received from the baby shower. Johnny catches her and tells her she needs to be realistic.

The Plan: Nadine stays home and looks out living room window watching kids and pregnant moms with babies play. She accepts her reality – she will never be a mom to a live baby. She and Johnny barely speak at all. She becomes more and more depressed. Sister visits and tries to cheer her up.

New plan: After an unplanned meeting with pregnant moms in the neighborhood, Nadine’s eyes are opened to the reality that she may be able to give birth at home and that she wants desperately to be a part of the “mom” group. Nadine begins to gather information and items to help this a reality, all in secret. She knows well that Johnny, her sister, and the doctors will not be supportive at all.

Plan in action: Nadine leaves the comfort of her home and regularly meets with pregnant moms in the neighborhood, visits baby store, does internet research and prepares the baby’s room.

Midpoint Turning Point: 2 days before birth. She is caught by Johnny preparing room etc. who reminds her that she is going to the hospital, she needs to be realistic and practical. Johnny threatens to send Nadine to be with her sister so she can look over her. Nadine now is sure if she wants the birth to be her own, she will have to hide it from Johnny and everyone else. Nadine decides that she now needs to take matters into her own hands if she wants her dreams to become a reality. She needs to rely on herself and not worry about what others think.

Act 3:

Rethink everything:

Nadine’s reality begins to change. Slowly her tunnel vision of her own birth takes precedence over anything else. She sees more and more pregnant women and kids on the streets and everywhere she looks. In time, her world becomes an altered reality.

New plan: Nadine is set on preparing everything for her delivery. She buys materials, packs them up, hides them, makes sure Johnny will be out of the house at the time, seeks more information from the pregnant moms and her mid-wife. Nadine is set on her reality.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The doctor has shifted the hospital birth up a day. Johnny finds some of her materials and confronts her. Johnny makes sister (reveals she is expecting twins) live in their home to watch Nadine. Johnny threatens to work from home. Now Nadine has to make something happen so Johnny is out of the house and sister is not watching. She also has to scramble to get all of her materials ready.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Nadine gives birth to her dead baby at home. She hides baby and masks her tummy from Johnny who leaves for work and sister. Nadine then goes out into the neighborhood on a walk. Nadine pretends her baby is alive.

Resolution: Nadine is last seen breast feeding her dead baby as Johnny arrives to pick her up to go to the hospital.

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[Rebecca Revak]

Becky’s 4 Act Transformational
Structure – What I learned doing this assignment is that your
original idea and who your lead is can change so much or gain
much more interesting attributes than what you had considered or
thought you could come up with.

Concept: Dana is pulled through
a time rift by a ghost and has to solve their murder to put the ghost
to rest before the rift closes and she herself becomes extinct.

Main Conflict: Dana is pulled
into Ade’s 1906 Vaudeville world. Dana will have to investigate and
communicate as Ade works to draw Dana deeper in so they can switch
worlds. Ade wants Dana’s physical place in Dana’s world.

Dana Old Ways: Visits historical
theaters for vacation by herself. She believes that Vaudeville and
the early 1900s was an easy, no stress time to live. She is
introverted and a book worm.

Dana New Ways: Has traveled
through a time rift with a ghost. Knows that any era to live in is
not easy or stress free. Tracks down a murderer and sends a ghost
onward to their new life.

ACT 1

Opening: Dana’s first visit to
THE GEM theater. Sits in the center of the empty theater with the
curtain closed. Dana’s eyes are closed an opened book in her lap. The
stage curtains open to a grand piano being played by a black pianist
and Ade in a sparkling long, white gown singing a song from the early
1900s. A strong wind blows the book closed and stops the show going
on in Dana’s mind. The theater guide finds Dana for a short tour –
the closed curtain ripples as Dana looks back.

Inciting Incident: Back for a
more in depth tour of THE GEM. Dana asks about the theater’s
inclusion of Black performers. It is confirmed. Dana is visited by
Ade in the theater’s green room-she believes.

Turning Point: Dana wants to
understand more about Ade’s life. She visits the local library to
find out more on vaudeville days in this town and visits a 94 year old
in the assisted living facility that tells some old tales he heard
from his Dad. Then visits a psychic. No one helps in how to
contact… talk to Ade.

ACT 2

New Plan: She cancels the rest
of her trip to stay at The Gem.

Plan in Action: finding an
article about Ade’s death being poison. Dana is going to help. But
has to learn how to communicate back. Decides to go stay the night at
the theater.

Midpoint Turning Point: Ade is
able to get through and open up the time rift. Dana gladly steps in.

ACT 3

Rethink Everything: Dana is
mesmerized by the new world. Can can stay?

New Plan: Ade pushes her to stay
and switch places with her. Dana has to find Ade’s killer first.

Turning Point (huge failure/major
shift) Dana realizes she has to go back. Ade is ghost, cant
switch places. Has to be physical for physical. Ethereal has to move
on to their afterlife.

ACT 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the
conflict: The rift is about to close. Ade is desperate to move
into Dana’s world. Dana can’t stay.

Resolution: The two women figure
out the killer, why and how. Gives Ade ability to move on and Dana
ability to live in her world stronger.

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[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Four Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is using the Old Ways to New Ways transitions (from least dramatic to most dramatic change) makes creating the structure quick, easy and effective.

Act 1: 25-30 pp. Set Up and see Old Ways

Opening: Doc chastises Jym for not sticking with the diet he gave her and shames her for her weak will and lack of effort. She is mortified.

Doc loves his wife to distraction, but her health keeps deteriorating as she too fails on diet after diet.

Inciting Incident: Jym fails at yet another of her brother’s diets and decides to look for a diet that will work for her and research why all of these diets have failed for her.

Doc gets his wife an insulin pump in hopes it will help her to feel better.

Turning Point: Jym finds and tries the Banting diet

Act 2: 20-30 pp. Challenge the Old Ways

Reaction: Jym loses weight on the Banting diet although it is inconvenient and after a heavy workout she can no longer stick to it.

Ashley (s-i-l) feels much better with her insulin pump and is proud of her husband for helping her.

The Plan: Jym looks at the makeup of the diet, considers carb effects after exercise.

Doc realizes the pump is a stopgap measure in his wife’s decline and tries a pre-packaged diet like his upscale partners prescribe for their clients.

Turning Point 2: MIDPOINT — Jym realizes why she failed after exercise and why every diet has failed her.

Ashley does not lose weight with the diet, but attends a 4th of July picnic, eats small portions of family favorites and lands in the hospital. Doc is devastated.

Act 3: 20-30 pp. With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways

New Plan: She finds a lot of evidence to back up her new opinions and also realizes why her s-i-l keeps going downhill.

Doc accepts a research position under his old mentor to understand Ashley’s decline better.

Turning Point: Jym has lost weight and her s-i-l tries the diet under the OB’s watch, but her brother is furious and orders her s-i-l to stop and Jym to cease and desist or he will pull her funding.

Doc finds that his wife’s progress and his mentor’s research are totally at odds. Which should he believe?

Act 4: 25 pp. Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!

New Way Proof: S-I-L has seen the light and refuses to go back to her old diets. She loses weight and gains health as do several others at the gym. Jym develops low cost menus and shopping lists for SNAP and WIC clients.

Doc reviews years of research, the funding for the research and the real effects of diabetes medicines on diabetics’ health and bodies.

Climax: Jym, Ashley and the gym clientele are proof that Jym is right and even her poor clients who can’t afford most carb control diets are succeeding with their families on her new menus.

Doc finds the diet and diabetes industries don’t really want people to lose weight and regain their health because they will not make money. Even his mentor is caught in the research funding trap that slants research toward prescriptions for diabetes control and on-the-edge-of-a-binge diets and foods plans that keep diabetics on a slow decline instead of a healthy reverse.

Conclusion: Jym joins her brother at a local clinic and her s-i-l takes over the gym, helping their community regain its health and vitality.

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is by taking each important part of the story I was able to more easily see where this script is going to go and have a better idea of the scenes that I will need to make sure are included to have a compelling story.

Concept: After making a wish on a dandelion to find love, Mia Roberts becomes the target of a ruthless stalker that will stop at nothing to have her by his side.

Main Conflict: Lonnie, Mia’s friend, and coworker is obsessed with her and won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of being with her.

Mia’s Old Ways

– She keeps to herself

– Avoids confrontation

– She’s quiet and doesn’t speak up

Mia’s New Ways

– She is more sociable

– She is more outspoken

– She meets conflict head-on

Act 1:

Opening – Mia sits on a bench sketching what’s in front of her. She watches an older couple walk by arm in arm. She spots a dandelion and makes a wish to find love.
Inciting Incident – Mia hurries to work when a man, Ian, steps out a doorway and runs into her, knocking her to the ground. He helps her up and watches her as she runs down the
sidewalk.
Turning Point – the man that
knocked her down turns up at her work and asks her out on a date, she reluctantly
says yes.

Act 2:

Reaction – Mia enjoys the date and gets a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. Her roommate Breanna convinces
her to go to a club with her and Mia really enjoys the night.
New plan – Mia decides she should be more open to meeting new people and agrees to meet Ian’s friends.
Plan in action – Ian keeps pushing Mia into situations that are uncomfortable for her and she starts to pull away. This causes conflict which pushes her further away because she refuses to meet conflict head-on. She also starts to pull away from her friend/roommate.
Midpoint Turning Point –
after a long day at school and work, Mia comes home to find her roommate dead.
The police come and question her. She calls Lonnie and he comes over to comfort her. He gets her a drink laced with Rohypnol; she passes out.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Mia wakes up tied to a bed with Lonnie leaning over her.
New plan – Mia must figure out how to get Lonnie to untie her.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
– Mia convinces Lonnie that she won’t run away and gets him to untie her,
but she realizes that the only way out of the house is with the keys that
Lonnie keeps closely guarded.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
– She confronts Lonnie, they fight, she manages to get the keys and escape. Lonnie either gets arrested or is killed? Not sure about this yet.

Resolution – Mia is back at art school,
surrounded by friends. She realizes that she is surrounded by love.