Lesson 6

[Edward Gillow]

Ed. Gillow – Outline Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is that if you do optimum work on pitch, 4 act structure, genre conventions, character actions, and character’s story line then my confidence that my outline is tip top is high.
Deliver on the pitch. – no changes
Match your 4-Act structure. – no changes
Strong on Genre Conventions. – no changes
The Characters Take Action from their Profiles. – no changes
Build in each Character’s Story Line. – no changess
Since no changes were made to the above items, the outline required no changes.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Edward Gillow.

[j y]

Jessica Tremblay’s Outline Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is an outline should be brief (focus only on the essential plot points, not the details) and that’s it’s an excellent tool to rework a script.
Deliver on the pitch: “When grief turns to Greed” is a major theme of the story, so I made sure to add examples of grief and greed in the pitch (Eg. After her father’s death, a pregnant woman looking for valuables gets trapped…) and for every character in the outline.
4 act structure: I reordered the scenes in act 2. The Failure / All is lost moment came way too soon so I had to move it back.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  j y.

[Tasha Espinoza]

Tasha’s Outline Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to figure out how to streamline this process. My outline is a bit of a mess, but maybe that’s exactly what it needs to be at this stage. Looking forward to the next lesson.
1. Pull out your outline from the start of the program.
2. Compare the outline to each completed assignment and make any improvements to the outline to honor your new vision.
A. Deliver on the pitch.
Add more Horror Conventions and Comedy Conventions
Show Bethany on more dates that become disastrous or ultimately don’t work out (even if they were initially good).
Depict Deacon Anders’s overprotective nature, how he tries to control Bethany’s life, how he starts to use the dark arts to prepare for Bethany’s inevitable demonic relapse.
Depict Demon 23’s jilted ex behavior during her dates and indicate when his epiphany kicks in.
B. Match your 4-Act structure.
Raise stakes of opening
Make Bethany’s desire to date a first for her (and Deacon Anders)
Incorporate more of Deacon Anders arc into the script
Change TP1 to Bethany attacked in her apt by Demon 23 (she thinks it was a dream)
Plan – Find out why Bethany is being ghosted and stay away from Deacon Anders for the time being
The Midpoint should change to Bethany going to confront Deacon Anders about the discovery of his betrayal and she finds the corrupted Bible (or spell book)
New strategy – Go to Koju spiritual center, discover the attachment and train to become spiritually powerful (concurrent with Deacon Anders practicing his conjuring – maybe possessing the Bishop who sets up the Vatican livestream, etc). Also maybe Amy gives her the dark spell book and at first Bethany rejects it, but after she tries it out, not in the park but in Cafe Mo Jo.
TP2 – Demon 23 steals the spell book for Deacon Anders
Crisis, Climax, Resolution (stay the same)
C. Strong on Genre Conventions.
Horror: Make the exorcism more terrifying with higher stakes. Someone gets hurt.
Use comedy convention to make the first three dates funny
Use horror conventions to make the dates where Demon 23 intervenes scarier
Use isolation and hysteria to make the attack in Bethany’s apartment scary (she thinks it’s a dream)
Use horror conventions to make Deacon Anders creation of the corrupted bible more scary
Use horror conventions to make Deacon Anders ascent into madness more menacing and scary – maybe he starts to look drawn or his eyes become darker and he moves like a phantom, slow moving but can catch up to you somehow
Use horror conventions to make the corrupted bible seemingly act on its own but it’s being controlled by Deacon Anders or Demon 23.
D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles.
Need to build in Bethany’s need for approval and how trying for a job and more importantly, a love, is really hard on her and how every decision that strains her relationship with Deacon Anders creates a self doubt that almost derails her – That way her arc has a great beginning
E. Build in each Character’s Story Line.
Add in Demon 23’s confusion about loving her and how that changes the nature of his attachment to her from abusive and violent to helpful.
Show Deacon Anders ambition and how he’s been made to feel small by the church when the Bishop asks him to help candidates for a position that should clearly go to him.
4. Tell us the improvements this made to your outline, but don’t include the outline, yet.
Improvements:
(Horror Element/ Structure Change) Bethany’s harms her boyfriend and permanently injures Deacon Anders during exorcism.
Add Deacon Anders grooming Bethany to be a nun during the 10 years since her exorcism.
Add Bethany declaring she doesn’t want to become a nun, but instead wants a new job and wants to date.
Add Deacon Anders showing up at Bethany’s new job and on her dates.
Add Bethany going on dates. Even good ones. She needs to be ghosted no matter what and that’s ultimately why her dating life sucks.
Add Deacon Anders sharing his concerns about Bethany and his tactics for sabotaging her dates (the video) during his own confession with the Bishop and realizing he has to do more to prepare for what he feels will be Bethany’s inevitable demonic relapse.
Add Deacon Anders attending a demonology class.
Add Deacon Anders altering the Bible.
Add Deacon Anders accidentally attaching Demon 23 during a DIY protection spell.
Add a date where questionable (supernatural) activity occurs to indicate that Demon 23 is interfering in a jilted ex sort of way (physical aggression, blowing up her phone with text that makes her date think she’s cheating on someone, vandalism/graffiti to dates cars, showing up uninvited and leave gifts for Bethany but in the style of a cat, so like dead birds dropping on her lap, etc).
Change Brad and Bethany’s meet-cute to include dialogue where Bethany tries to warn Brad about Demon 23 but he thinks she’s talking about an actual human ex
Change Bethany’s date with Brad to Brad standing Bethany up and Deacon Anders showing up instead.
Add a few scenes to depict Deacon Anders’s descent into madness as he tries to master controlling Demon 23.
Add Deacon Anders coming up with his grander scheme to use Bethany’s exorcism and death to control the Vatican by wielding demonic possession as a power.
Add Demon 23 attacking Bethany in her apartment instead of the restaurant. He’s commanded by Deacon Anders, so it’s against Demon 23’s will. Later, Demon 23 will explain it to Bethany as a miscommunication.
Depict Demon 23 trying to be helpful to Bethany when he can.
Add Deacon Anders shutting Bethany out from volunteering with the foster kids. But Bethany was going to take a break – she didn’t want anyone to get hurt.
Add Bethany being more afraid of things, unsure about venturing out into the world of dating, terrified of all the weird things that are happening around her dating life that have her running for safety and questioning her sanity
Add Bethany’s self doubt – is trying to find love the right thing or is she unlovable – she goes back and forth between not wanting to defy Deacon Anders but knowing that nothing demonic has happened for 10 years – her self-doubt almost derails her
Add Bethany’s loss of memory around her exorcism – maybe she could ask what happened after she is ushered from her parents farm house – she doesn’t understand why her parents are sending her away
Need to add a element/scene that parallels the scene in prison where the Deacon thinks he’s being invited into a noble role/position, but he isn’t (it gets offered to someone else or something and we should see his hope and understand how much he really wants something like this before we see his dejection