Lesson 6

[Christopher Fallon]

This is my re-write of the scene between Trent and Robert. Given the set-up I created here and the nature of Trent’s position in the society, I struggled to make him ‘needy’. So I made him ‘demanding’. I hope his other traits come across effectively.

Please let me know if you’d like to work on the critiques together. I look forward to reading all your work.

INT. CHURCH – NORTHERN IRELAND 1980 – DAY
A WEDDING. The church is packed to the rafters. Heads turn as ROBERT, early 20s, rushes in – late. He squeezes in next to his older cousin MICK on the third row from the front.

MICK (hissing): Jesus Christ Rob, what the fuck!
ROB: I know, I know. Fricking road blocks. What have I missed?
MICK: His fricking fury for one —

MICK nods to Uncle TRENT (Connelly) on the front row — an imposing man in his mid 50s, immaculately dressed in a suit and black camel hair coat. The Godfather in this part of the world.

Trent turns and stares at Rob, then turns back to the service.

ROB (beneath his breath): Oh shite…

He tries to focus on the service but he’s rattled. He looks around and smiles awkwardly at people he knows.

INT. HOTEL – BAR/BALLROOM – DAY

The reception party has started. Two IRA HEAVIES in their 30s, black leather jackets, white shirts and black ties check the invites of people entering and pat them down for weapons.

A six piece BAND near the dance floor plays traditional music.

Rob and Mick head straight to the bar, where there are lines of pints of Guinness. They each grab a couple. Mick looks around at the dozens of tables, set for dinner.

MICK: Jesus, how’s he going to pay for all of this?

ROB: He isn’t going to pay is he. He never does.

MICK: Scch, for God’s sakes.

The young bride SINEAD shows off her ring to her friends, her anxious pasty husband standing gormlessly next to her.

ROB (to Mick): That’s a heck of a ring isn’t it, for a plumber’s mate? How can he afford a ring that size, clearing fricking drains? He probably nicked it.

MICK (enjoying the banter): Well they don’t just clear drains to be fair. They fix taps.
ROB: They do. They do do that. Taps and washers and all sorts. (beat)
Dunnies. Dunnies that get blocked.

Robert takes a swig of his Guinness and starts commenting on a few of the other guests:

ROB: Good to see Mad Frankie Murphy managing to walk around unaided. 3 o’clock in the afternoon, that’s good going for Frank.

Mick chuckles.

ROB: And there’s his lovely daughter, Marie, happy as a clam as per usual.

He nods to a depressed looking young woman who sits on her own staring into space.

ROB: And there’s —

Rob stops: he sees someone who fills him with dread. A man in his 40s weaves his way through the party towards Trent’s table.

ROB: Jesus Christ, is that Pat Geary?
MICK: Crikes.
ROB: Pat Geary from fricking Belfast?
MICK: I think it is. It is.
ROB: What the fuck’s Pat Geary doing at Sinead’s fricking wedding?

They watch as GEARY leans down to whisper something to Trent.

Rob stares across the room as Geary leaves Trent and disappears from view. All the fun seems to have gone out of Rob. He knocks back another few gulps of Guinness.

MICK: You’re wanted.
ROB: What?

Mick nods in the direction of Trent. Trent has stood up from his table and is indicating to Mick, to send Rob his way.

ROB: Oh bollocks…

He puts one glass down (half empty now) on a table and gives Mick a scared “wish me luck” look. He walks across to Trent, carrying the full pint.

TRENT: So Robbo, glad you could make it. We were concerned about you.

He slaps Rob on the shoulder.

ROB: Yeah, I’m really sorry about that, Uncle Trent, being late and all. I really am, today of all days but —

TRENT: No problem, as long as you’re here. And good to see you wearing a tie for once.

He straightens the knot in Rob’s tie — it was all over the place. His hands are scarily close to Rob’s neck and Rob continues to babble nervously.

ROB: The fricking Brits, you know, the fricking road blocks.
I told them I was in a rush but they wouldn’t have it.

TRENT: Ah sure.

ROB: They’re fricking scum.

TRENT: Stop with the cursing Robbo, you know I don’t like it. Learn to improve your vocabulary, not sully the little you have. There —

He’s finished straightening the knot.

TRENT: Let’s go into the back, shall we? I can hardly hear myself think.

ROB: The back?

TRENT: Yes, let’s go into the games room, we can have a chat without all this noise and hoohah. You can leave your drink, we won’t be long.

Rob’s hand shakes as he puts his pint down on a table.

TRENT: Mick will keep an eye on it for you, make sure no one steals it.

Mick watches them leave, he looks serious now, deep in thought.

LONG CORRIDOR:

They walk away from the party. Rob is terrified but he tries to keep up the playful front.

ROB: It was a lovely service wasn’t it and Sinead looks lovely by the way.

TRENT: Aye she does, too bad she’s marrying that numpty.

ROB: Still, he’ll be handy around the house. . . if the taps need fixing.

Trent smiles.

TRENT: You’ve got your old dad’s sense of humour.
ROB: Have I?

Trent opens the door to the back room. It’s dark — the blinds are down — and Rob is reluctant to be the first in.

Trent enters and clicks on the light. Rob has to follow.
GAMES ROOM:
A snooker table stands in the middle, balls already in position. The green baize almost shimmers in the soft warm light.
ROB: Gosh, that’s lovely isn’t it.
TRENT: Do you play snooker Robbo?
ROB (laughs at the suggestion): No, never. Pool, I play pool. Not that brilliant, to be honest, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, to be honest, but it’s a laugh, you know, me and Mick. I enjoy it with a couple of pints. Or three, or four.
TRENT: A child of five can play pool Robbo. Snooker’s a real game, a man’s game. It’s like chess and tiddlywinks.
ROB: The Brits invented it didn’t they, snooker? Back in the day?
TRENT: They did. The only worthwhile thing they’ve ever given the world.

ROB: That and The Beatles.
Trent nods, conceding the point.
ROB: And The Rolling Stones.

Trent stares at him coldly and takes a cue from the rack.

ROB: Are we going to have a game are we? Only I’d better go and get my pint if we are, cos well — I’m rubbish when I’m sober.

A side door opens and the two HEAVIES from earlier enter.

Rob tenses but he tries to stay calm.

ROB: Alright Jimmy, alright Mac.

They nod back – they’ve probably all known each other for years.

ROB: Are we having a game of doubles, then? I should go and get my pint.

TRENT: We’re not having a game of doubles Robbo, no.

TRENT picks up an A4 envelope from a chair by the wall and pulls out a bunch of B&W photos which he flips onto the baize.

THE PHOTOS: show Rob with a beautiful young woman at the Belfast Zoo, laughing, eating ice cream together, walking by a lake.

Rob gawps at them and looks helplessly back at Trent.

TRENT: So you’re going with a Protestant girl?

ROB: A Prod? Ah no — I hardly even know her. We only just met.

TRENT: At Belfast Zoo? On three occasions?

ROB: Was it three? I do like the animals though, I’ve got to be honest. The monkeys especially.

Trent whacks Rob in the knee with the cue. Rob’s leg buckles and he winces with the pain.

The two guards each pull out a large sock from their jacket pockets and begin stuffing snooker balls into them —

TRENT: She’s pretty, I’ll give you that. For a Brit.

ROB: A Brit? I didn’t know she was a Brit. I thought she was one of those posh girls from Dublin.

TRENT: Daughter of a British Colonel in the fricking Black Watch, did you not know that either?
ROB: I… I don’t think she mentioned it, no. I just thought she was a posh girl from Dublin.

Rob knows he’s in serious trouble. He tries to run to the main door. Just as he gets to it, the door opens and Mick enters, carrying Rob’s pint of Guinness.

ROB: Mick! Thank fuck! Tell Uncle Trent —

Mick throws the full pint glass at Rob’s head. He puts up his hands and arms like a boxer and the glass bounces off them.

ROB: Mick. . .

Mick punches him hard in the face, knocking him backwards onto the floor by the snooker table.

There is Guinness all over the floor and some of it has splashed Trent’s patent leather shoes. He takes a silk handkerchief from his breast pocket and wipes away the stain.

He throws the handkerchief to the floor by Rob, as the heaviies pile into him with their improvised coshes.

TRENT(sighs): Your dad’s sense of humor got him killed.

He steps around the pool of Guinness and walks up to Mick —

TRENT: Don’t kill him. We’re going to need him. And clean this up (indicating the pool of blood and Guinness).

Mick nods, grim faced as Rob’s cries for helps are silenced by a cracking blow.

TRENT: If any of that got onto the baize — you’re paying for it.

Trent exits the room.

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – DAY

As Trent walks back to the party, the hotel MANAGER approaches him, nervously, holding an invoice and a check.

MANAGER: Excuse me I’m so sorry to trouble you Mr Conley.

TRENT: Yes, Joe, what?

MANAGER: Only the … the check… the 50% deposit. It bounced.

The Manager proffers the check for Trent to look at but Trent brushes it away.

TRENT: I’ll call the bank first thing Monday. But let’s not worry about it now, eh? Not on the day of my daughter’s wedding.

He walks to the dance floor and kisses his daughter.
END OF SCENE.

[Deb Johnson]

Here’s my feedback – hope it’s helpful.

I love the strong grip you have on the setting and characters. It all easily comes alive in my mind. I can’t help but see Colin Farrell as Rob.

The scene arc follows from celebration to ass-kicking. (and what a kicking!)

Your use of interest techniques kept me engaged. Mick’s betrayal is rough!

The character subtext for Trent was strong. There is a gradual reveal that he, indeed, only pretends to be wealthy. I know you changed him from needy to demanding, which is similar (someone needy is always demanding something) I wonder if you were to stick with “needy” (a softer quality) it might add a different nuance to his character.

Robert’s character subtext of being a gossip is nuanced… Rob and Mick’s banter about the guests is fun/engaging… but everything Rob says seems to be true.

On the character’s actions:
Trent is very menacing – good on conspiring, aggressive (the bit with the tie is great), and meticulous.
On Rob – great description/set up – I dread going into the back room as much as Rob does. Also – his secretive trait comes through in his secret relationship.

Great work! Can’t wait to read your next scene!

[Christopher Fallon]

Hi Deborah,

Thanks for your excellent feedback and generous words. You’re right — the young ‘daft as a brush’ Colin Farrell! That’s who I had in mind as I was writing. I’m looking forward to reading your revised scene and giving you my feedback. Later today. Best wishes, Chris

[Deb Johnson]

Hey Chris, just realized I probably should have posted this feedback in the other forum. I’ll do that next time. – Deb

[Deb Johnson]

Deb’s rewrite of the Trent/Robert scene…

INT. PRIVATE JET PLAIN – DAY

An occupied bathroom door.

TRENT (O.S.)
We land in 28 minutes. We’ll rendezvous…

ROBERT, 21, Arizona Diamondbacks jersey, raps on the door.

ROBERT
(quietly)
Trent! The accordion player won’t play!

TRENT (O.S.)
It’s not even time! You ruin my birthday and I’ll pound you!

ROBERT
It’s my birthday too! Can you just…

TRENT (O.S.)
Hold your fat horse. I’m on the phone.

Robert hangs his head and steps away and into the posh room with lounging couches and airline seats. The passengers all look like they’d fit in better at a dive bar. The center of attention is MEEMAW GRANNY, 95 and spry.

Robert whispers something to NELLY, 40. Her eyes grow wide.

NELLY
Yeah? The 38?

Robert nods affirming, goes to a cooler, and extracts cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. He hands them to the guests.

ROBERT
Drink up, drink up everyone!

TRENT, 21, huge, on a crutch, leads with an ankle wrapped in an Ace bandage. His clothes are fine and he wears an ascot.

ROBERT
Here’s the conspirator… I mean celebrator!

Robert tosses a can to Trent who bats it with his crutch.

TRENT
Robert. Please.

Trent makes a big show of settling himself down at the end of the couch and propping his leg up on an end table.

TRENT
I was golfing when I tripped on a root and twisted my damn ankle.

ROBERT
Oh? I thought maybe you tripped running from the cops.

Robert offers Trent a beer.

TRENT
A glass of champagne, please, like we agreed.

ROBERT
(quietly)
I know! I’m on my last dime! When you suggested this jet for our party with Meemaw Granny, I thought you were going to pay for it.

TRENT
The jet was your idea.

ROBERT
Was it? Oh, well, if you say so.

TRENT
Now, get the bubble machine ready, because we’re scheduled to sing Happy Birthday in (references watch) exactly two minutes.

Robert salutes and exits behind a curtain partition that hangs a foot above the floor. Nelly leans in to Trent.

NELLY
So I hear you’re finally going to get Pappy’s Smith and Wesson.

TRENT
(excited)
Pappy’s Smith and Wesson?

NELLY
You’ve been wanting it ever since you was seven.

TRENT
I didn’t realize Meemaw Granny still had it.

Nelly burps and turns away. Robert returns.

ROBERT
(quietly)
The accordion player won’t play till we pay him.

TRENT
Then pay him. You ruin our party, I swear I’ll…

ROBERT
I told you, I’m broke! I had to sell my car to pay for this flight!

TRENT
You can’t drive anyway…

ROBERT
Shh! Meemaw Granny doesn’t know. Can’t you pay? You’ve got to have some clean money somewhere.

TRENT
How dare you… I seemed to have left my wallet with my driver.

ROBERT
Huh. (beat) Let’s Go D-backs!

Robert turns and knocks Trent’s leg off the table.

TRENT
You oaf!

ROBERT
Oh! My bad!

Robert grabs pillows and puts one under Trent’s foot.

ROBERT
Man, you’re foot’s heavy!

And wedges another behind his back.

ROBERT
Can I get you an IV? Huggies?

TRENT
Go away.

Robert walks away with Trent’s wallet.

NELLY
When’s the cake? I’m hungry.

ROBERT
The surprise is coming!

Robert steps behind the privacy curtain and confers with the ACCORDION PLAYER. COUSIN 2 approaches Trent.

COUSIN 2
Good on you for the Smith and Wesson. That’s a classic. .38 Special. I’m jealous.

Trent smiles like an excited kid. Bubbles fill the room.
The Accordion plays. Robert enters with a cake. They SING Happy Birthday to Meemaw Granny, Trent, and Robert.
Trent sets himself next to Meemaw Granny. The Accordion Player performs The Beatles “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”

MEEMAW GRANNY
You know Ida been happy with margaritas on my front porch.

TRENT
Robert told me you always wanted to go to Puerto Vallarta.

MEEMAW GRANNY
You believed him?

TRENT
You’re going to just love the Malecon.

MEEMAW GRANNY
Long as I’m home for Wheel of Fortune.

TRENT
I hate to spoil the surprise but I heard you found Pappy’s gun?

MEEMAW GRANNY
Gun?

TRENT
The .38 Special? He used to take me to the shooting range and we…

MEEMAW GRANNY
Honey, all Pappy’s junk got tossed when I moved in with your Aunt Mavis. What made you think I still had it?

Crestfallen, he heaves himself up and confers with Cousin 2, then passes quickly to Nelly. He eyes Robert angrily from across the room and moves to the curtained partition.

TRENT
Robert! Something’s wrong with the bubble machine!

ROBERT
Oh, man, what did I do?

Trent holds the curtain for Robert. As the curtain closes, Trent puts both feet firmly down – no problem. He raises his crutch like a bat and knocks Robert down.

TRENT
Let’s go D-backs!

Robert falls and can be seen beneath the curtain. He grabs Trent’s ankle and tugs on the bandage.

TRENT
Let go of me!

The crutch keeps coming down hard on Robert's back.

ROBERT
Why’s your foot so heavy, Trent?

The bandage unravels and a bag full of diamonds spills out.
The accordion player stops. Everyone gapes; then it’s a free-for-all dive to grab the diamonds.

ROBERT
I wondered if Puerta Vallarta had a black market.

The crutch whams Robert’s head. He’s out cold.
A diamond rolls to Meemaw Grannie’s foot. She picks it up.

MEEMAW GRANNY
(singing)
Happy Birthday to me!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Deb Johnson.

[Christopher Fallon]

Hello Deborah,
The bag full of diamonds spilling out of Trent’s bandage is certainly a twist I didn’t see coming! So that was a major twist and made me re-assess Trent’s character. I thought he was just a spoilt brat who manipulates people into paying for his expensive whims, but it turns out he’s a diamond smuggler, and far more manipulative than anybody knew.
It’s a fun scene – Trent and Robert – competitive twins on the day of their 21st (or 22nd?) birthday – which coincidentally is also MeeMaw granny’s. But is it important that they are ALL having a birthday that day?

I like how you have Rob steal Trent’s wallet, but is there more you could do with that? He takes a couple of hundred $ bills to pay the accordionist — but could Rob find something else in the wallet, that might suggest intrigue or create suspense in our minds?

I get Trent’s neediness and you definitely get across that he likes to pretend to be wealthy to get people to do the things he wants — but I felt the diamonds reveal undermined that subtext/trait. There’s an awful lot of money in those diamonds, even if he’s just going to earn a small percentage as the “mule”.

As I read the scene I felt that one Interest Technique you could use to elevate the quality would be to change the setting. The inside of a private jet isn’t a great location to look at and restricts your possibilities for fun, danger and suspense. I wonder if the scene might work better if (for instance) it takes place on a luxury yacht or a luxurious party boat in a swanky marina? Then you can use the different spaces of the boat as well as the possible threat of danger that the environment poses — ie: the deep water, and the various tools and ropes etc that you might find on a boat that could come in handy if you’re trying to kill somebody.

I enjoyed the scene and look forward to the next one!

[Deb Johnson]

Hey Chris,
Thanks for the feedback and excellent suggestions. If I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that this scene could be written multiple ways and could use all your ideas to elevate the scene. It’s a silly scene that I had a lot of fun writing. I pictured the two 21-year-olds as cousins but didn’t make that clear. Also – the bit with the wallet – great ideas for building intrigue. I also wanted to have Trent realize it was missing but never got there. I’m going to do a rewrite and see where it goes! ~ Deb

[Blair Marino]

Blair's critique of Deb's rewrite
Traits:
Robert: Smooth—Robert walks away with Trent’s wallet. Did he steal Trent’s wallet when Trent thought he left it? It was unclear.
Secretive—“Shh, Meemaw Granny doesn’t know”
Gregarious –when he announces for everyone to drink up. Also when he salutes Trent
Low self-esteem—“Robert hangs his head…”
Subtext: Robert tells his cousin that Trent is going to get Pappy’s gun.

Trent: Conspiring—Hiding the diamonds in his cast.
Aggressive—“You ruin my birthday, and I’ll pound you”
Meticulous—His clothes are fine and he wears an ascot
Needy—for the 38 special; Making a big deal about sitting on the couch with his cast.
Subtext: Trent wants Robert to pay and makes up that he can’t pay because he doesn’t have his wallet

Interest techniques:
• Surprise- nice use with the diamonds in the cast.
• Betrayal- Trent tricks Robert to go behind the curtain and then knocks him over.
• Superior position- Trent threatens Robert several times.
• Suspense- Not knowing what Trent is going to do to Robert behind the curtain.
• Interesting setting-airplane
I enjoyed this and liked your use of colloquialism in the dialogue. I’m looking forward to reading more of your scenes.

[Deb Johnson]

Thanks, Blair for the notes. This feedback helps me see what’s there and what’s missing. I’ll do another pass and see what I can come up with! ~ Deb

[Blair Marino]

Blair’s rewrite of the Robert/Trent scene:

INT. MANOR ENTRANCE HALLWAY – NIGHT

Trent, mid-thirties, wearing a suit and tie opens a custom made arched French front door. Twenty-four year old Robert stands on the veranda wearing a three-piece tuxedo. Robert sees himself in and Trent closes the door.

TRENT
You're late. Mary is going to be home soon.

Trent gives Robert the once-over.

TRENT
Aren't you a little overdressed for the occasion?

ROBERT
On the contrary. I'm also late for a wedding reception, so let's get to it.

Robert follows Trent out of the hallway.

INT. STUDY – MOMENTS LATER

Bookshelves and lounge chairs meticulously fill the space. Robert gazes at the wood burning fireplace that warms the room. A desk with a computer and monitor is set up in one corner. Trent quickly strides to the desk and sits down.

TRENT
Mary changes the password to the bank account periodically. I hope this is still the current one.

Trent carefully types in the password and looks at the monitor.

TRENT
Yes! I'm in.

Trent uses the computer mouse to navigate the account. Robert walks over to the fireplace and picks up the poker to stoke the fire.

ROBERT
When exactly is Mary getting home?

TRENT
I don't know. Soon.

Trent continues to type. He furrows his brow and frantically moves the mouse around the screen.

TRENT
I don't understand.

Trent stares at the computer monitor.

ROBERT
What?

Trent turns to face Robert.

TRENT
The money's gone. That doesn't make any sense.

Robert saunters over to Trent with the poker still in one hand.

ROBERT
Are you sure?

TRENT
Yes, look!

Trent points to the monitor. Robert looks and grins.

ROBERT
(calmly)
Ah yes, I see.

Trent stands up and studies Robert's face.

TRENT
What did you do?

ROBERT
Hmm… where do I start?

Robert threateningly holds the poker with both hands now.

ROBERT
Well, first of all I was certain you were going to screw me over, so I took the liberty and transferred the money to an offshore account.

Trent's mouth is agape.

ROBERT
I also informed Mary about your plans to steal her money and run away with another woman you're having an affair with.

TRENT
Wait, what?

Trent eases closer to Robert.

TRENT
I thought we were in this together!

Robert smirks.

ROBERT
We were. And then I changed my mind and decided I had to beat you to the punch.

TRENT
You son of a bitch!

Trent furiously lunges at Robert and punches him in the face. Robert loses his balance and staggers. Robert composes himself and hits Trent in the head with the poker. Trent falls to the ground in a bloody heap. Robert looks aghast and runs out of the study still holding the poker.

[Christopher Fallon]

Hi Blair,

I’ve read your scene a few times and one of the things I feel is lacking is any sense of celebration at the start of it. If you consider the scene arc going from “celebration” to “ass kicking” then I think one way to elevate the quality of your scene is to amp up the celebration part of it.

In your scene you have Rob saying he’s late for a wedding, but that doesn’t really help create the arc, as the scene starts fairly low key and confrontational, and ends quickly with the violent assault. There isn’t any sense of celebration and therefore the arc isn’t as effective as it otherwise might be.

One way to increase SUSPENSE might be to have Mary come home earlier than expected – or even the woman Trent has been having an affair with. Instead of Rob fleeing the scene he could stare down at Trent’s prostrate body, blood oozing across the immaculate carpet, and then Rob hears a car pull into the gravel driveway.

He looks out of the window, sees Mary (or someone else) step out of her car and head to the main door.

Rob only has seconds to act – what is he going to do?

The person – whoever she is – could come into the room and react quite differently to how we might expect – and that could be a surprise for us.

Lots to play with here!

Chris

[Blair Marino]

Thank you, Chris. You’re right. There is no tangible celebration. The subtle celebration I was aiming for was the fact that Trent and Robert are finally getting the money they have been waiting for. I realize that doesn’t really translate on the page. Also, Trent wasn’t having an affair, that lie was part of Robert’s subtext. Thanks again for your feedback. It’s very helpful.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus – Rewrite of Robert and Trent scene

INT. CLUB MAIN HALL, DAY
It is the inside of an old-style elite club, with a bar on one end and tables and chairs and sofas spread around the large hall. It is a quiet afternoon, a few members are seated at tables scattered across the hall. A couple of waiters stand by the bar.
TRENT, late 20s, dressed in noticeably obvious designer wear, slacks, elegant jacket and loafers, is seated at the one of the sofas in the corner with a glass of wine at the side table. Trent’s expression is angst-ridden as he talks on his phone.
TRENT
I understand, I do.
JENNIFER (V.O.)
(sobbing)
I’m sorry Trent, but I had to tell you.
TRENT
(ironic)
Thanks.
Trent hangs up. He breathes in deeply and regains his composure.
His face tightens imperceptibly as he sees ROBERT, mid-twenties, muscular, dressed in shorts and polo shirt, enter. Trent pretends not to see him.
Robert waves at Trent and heads towards him.
ROBERT
Hey, what a coincidence!
He sits across Trent.
TRENT
Hi Robert.
Trent signals to the waiter who comes by.
ROBERT
Whatever you have on tap.
Waiter leaves.
ROBERT
Didn’t think I’d see you here, after everything that happened last night.
TRENT
Water under the bridge.
ROBERT
I had no idea you and Jennifer…
TRENT
We are just friends.
ROBERT
Not from what she said!
(laughs)
She felt really bad. Like she broke your heart or something.
TRENT
(blank expression)
I am heartless.
ROBERT
So it was only casual with you two?
TRENT
Until something better came along.
ROBERT
(laughs)
Like me.
Trent chuckles and nods. We almost believe him.
ROBERT
But she has an interesting theory about you.
TRENT
(genuinely interested)
Yeah?
The waiter brings Robert his beer and leaves. Robert takes a long swallow and clears his throat.
ROBERT
She not sure you’re part of this…
(gestures to their surroundings)
TRENT
Part of what?
ROBERT
This place, this club. This scene…
(eyes Trent shrewdly)
You know what I mean, like she and I were born into this. The privileged, untalented, except when in the sack, the
(makes finger quotes)
“elite”.
Trent looks at Robert, he appears bored and uninterested but we see his breathing has changed.
TRENT
I am just a common man.
BRYANT, 70s, dressed in old-fashioned suit and tie shuffles by and stops to greet Trent.
BRYANT
That was a wonderful suggestion you made about the interest swap. Thank you.
Robert watches carefully, suspicious as well as somewhat jealous of the regard that Bryant displays for Trent.
TRENT
There is a method to it, and money to be made.
BRYANT
Let’s talk again.
TRENT
Let’s do that!
Bryant shuffles away. Robert stares at Trent with concealed disdain and malevolence.
ROBERT
Common Man, yeah!
(points to man at table across them)
Now Charlie, he’s a common man. But he’s made a fortune, and he belongs here. Fat fuck that he is.
Robert laughs again. Trent’s expression tightens. Robert senses he is onto to something.
TRENT
(casually dusts his trousers)
I am not as common, or rich like Charlie. But last I heard I am a member in good standing.
ROBERT
Who’s always pitching his investment properties to the members!
(laughs again, sidles closer to Trent)
Hey man, no worries, this stays in the vault. Except except…
(whispers in exaggerated Don Corleone imitation)
Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.
Robert laughs and Trent joins in. Trent continues laughing even after Robert is done. Trent moves closer and keeps laughing and puts his hand on Robert’s shoulder.
TRENT
(still chuckling)
Speaking of service, I got some real high-q powder on me. Want to try some?
ROBERT
Here?
Trent gets up.
TRENT
Follow me.
Trent walks toward a back room exit followed by Robert.
INT. BACK ROOM
As Trent enters the empty room, he reaches with his right hand for something under his jacket. As he withdraws his hand we see he is wearing knuckledusters. Robert follows shutting the door behind him.
Trent turns and punches Robert in the ribs. Robert grunts in pain and doubles over, face contorted in silent pain.
Trent punches him again, this time downwards on his shoulder blade. Robert grunts in pain and goes down on the floor on to his back. He is defenseless.
Trent kneels over Robert as to punch his face but holds back and doesn’t follow through. With the right hand, he grabs Robert’s throat and squeezes. His eyes are blazing with quiet fury.
Robert is in pain and scared.
TRENT
If I hear anything about you that might interfere with my business, I will rip your balls off. You privileged talentless piece of turd.
Trent slaps him with his left hand, then with the back of hand, lightly so as not to draw blood, with full contempt.
They stare at each in full understanding. There is an expression of respect on Robert’s face. He nods.
Trent stands up and puts his knuckleduster back in his jacket pocket. He casually straightens his jacket and removes a small packet of powder from the side pocket. He raises it and places it on the side table.
TRENT
(friendly tone)
That’s really good stuff. Share it with Jennifer. You guys will like it.
Trent smiles and nods, and walks out leaving Robert on the floor. Robert watches him leave, he looks fearful and uncertain.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Feedback to Christopher on his IRA wedding scene (not sure where to post it)

Love the dark humour underlying the brutality of the IRA culture and the times, which often presages the impending acts of violence and cynicism in the scene. The characters Trent and Mick are pitch perfect, relentless and unforgiving. Robert’s character is also very well written, he sees through his family’s and IRA’s BS and double standards, for example he knows his Uncle Trent wont pay the bill for the wedding.
From a scene arc perspective we can see Rob is nervous and almost expects something bad to happen. The scene builds up to the violent conclusion.
The only suggestion is perhaps provide some insight into why Rob broke the rules and went with a Protestant girl, knowing the risks involved: was he deeply in love or was it his way of rebelling against his family, or both?

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Reply to DEB on her scene

Like the dysfunctional family set up (what a cast of characters!) and the sibling rivalry. Trent is obviously the smart and calculating one while Robert displays obvious signs of a martyr complex.
Trent stringing along Robert and manipulating him to pay for the trip in spite of Robert’s obvious lack of resources, and Robert’s theft of Trent’s wallet was a great character contrast.
The surprise twist with the diamonds in the cast really rounded off the scene and improves our understanding of Trent’s manipulativeness. Meemaw’s taking of the diamond as a gift is very funny way to end the scene.
From a suggestion perspective: the anticipation of Trent getting Pappy’s gun brings out Trent’s hidden sentimental side, but there could be some hint of where the search for the gun might lead him to.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Reply to Blair on his scene

Like the concept of (absence of) honor amongst thieves and the dynamic between Robert and Trent.
Some suggestions: Could Robert have more of a compelling motivation to come to Trent’s place if he already stole the money and ratted out Trent with his wife? Also the dynamic between Robert and Trent could be explored more: Wht does Trent need Robert and why did he wait for Robert to come before he logged into Mary’s account?