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Lesson 6
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8 Replies
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Madeleine’s first rewrite:
INT. NOBLE HOTEL, LOBBY – NIGHT
ROBERT (33) dressed to the nines in a tuxedo looks around nervously. He approaches the front desk in an overly self-assertive manner.
ROBERT
I’m here for the birthday gala… where…
RECEPTION LADY
Good evening, sir. How are you doing?
ROBERT
Ah… good evening… hmm, I’m looking for the… Mr. Byron Birthday Gala… Mr. Trent Byron.
The Reception lady smiles and shakes her head.
RECEPTION LADY
I’m sorry Sir. We got no event scheduled for tonight.
Robert reaches into his pocket and takes out an amazing looking invitation. He hands it to the reception lady.
A clerk behind the desk nudges his colleague. They try to stay serious. Robert notices it and tries to look relaxed.
ROBERT
I’m probably a bit early.
(pause)
I could wait and have a drink.
RECEPTION LADY
Why don’t you have a seat in our lounge over there – just behind the flowers. I send somebody over.
Robert takes the invitation back and looks for his phone.
NINA (25) enters the lobby. She is nicely dressed but not too elegantly. She glances around and sees Robert.
NINA
Robert?
She approaches Robert and can hardly believe her eyes.
NINA
Am I missing something?
Robert is relieved to see somebody he knows, but also embarrassed because he notices the clerks realize that he is completely overdressed.
Robert takes Nina to the side and waves the invitation.
ROBERT
Trent invited me to his “birthday gala”.
NINA
Birthday gala? Trent told me that it’s just the three of us.Robert hands her over the invitation. Nina laughs, Robert puts up a fake smile.
NINA
You should know him… he’s always a bit exaggerating.
ROBERT
Where is Trent actually?
(pause)
Are you… still together?
Nina looks puzzled.
ROBERT
Let’s go to the lounge and have a drink before our birthday kid arrives.
Nina and Robert walk towards the lounge.
ROBERT
You’re such a great looking woman…
(pause)
I really don’t know what Trent’s problem is.
NINA
What are you talking about?
Nina and Robert sit down in the lounge. Robert clears his throat.
ROBERT
I don’t know if I should tell you, but lately Trent always mentioned a “Simona”.
NINA
Simona?
ROBERT
Yes, every time I wanted to see him, he was busy… had an excuse.
Nina looks rattled.
ROBERT
I did not want to worry you… maybe it’s just work related.
(pause)
Are you actually still kickboxing?
Nina nods and bends toward Robert.
NINA
Now, when you say this… he was a bit strange lately…
Trent (30) casually dressed arrives at the lounge. He has a big smile on his face.
TRENT
Nina… Robert… I’m so happy to celebrate with you.
(pause)
Uh… Robert, nicely dressed.
Nina kisses Trent hesitantly. Robert gives Trent a big hug and squeezes him excessively. Trent pushes Robert away.
TRENT
Hey man…
Trent steps back and scrutinizes Robert with a smile. Then he takes off a hair of Robert’s shoulder.
Robert waves the invitation.
ROBERT
What about this?
Trent leans over to Robert.
TRENT
Hey man… listen… I got a problem… I was in a hurry… left my credit card and everything at home…
Robert smiles mildly.
ROBERT
Ah… I just forgot something at the desk… I’m right back.
Robert leaves the lounge quickly.
NINA
What’s the matter with you? You’re late… you do an number on Robert…
TRENT
That was funny… I asked at the front desk and they told me that he looked pretty lost…
NINA
… and what’s with this “Simona” Robert mentioned?
Trent shrugs absentmindedly because he tries to get the waiter’s attention.
The reception lady appears from behind the flowers. When she spots Trent, she walks straight toward him and hands him a nice rose together with a little envelope.
Trent looks puzzled.
Robert joins Nina and Trent nonchalantly.
ROBERT
Uh… what a nice rose.
(pause)
Are the two love birds ready for dinner?
Trent looks still puzzled. He opens the envelope and reads the card.
TRENT
Happy birthday… and love… Simona…
(pause)
Simona? Who?
Nina gets up harshly and walks towards the exit of the hotel. Trent gets up as well and follows her.
In the middle of the lobby he grabs her arm and tries to stop her.
TRENT
Let’s clear things over dinner, ok?Nina frees herself with a perfect martial art hold and holds Trent tightly.
Everybody in the lobby stares with disbelief at the two.
TRENT
Nina darling, please believe me… somebody set me up for this.
NINA
It’s rather you, setting up everybody.
Trent glances hostilely toward Robert.
TRENT
Of course, you… Robert!
Nina deals him a heavy blow.
NINA
Happy birthday, Trent!
As Trent sinks down in the middle of the lobby as everybody stares at them in disbelief. -
Andrew’ first quality elevation:
EXT. UPMARKET CAR – DAY
TRENT, ten years young, checks his perfectly combed hair in the passenger mirror.
TRENT
I hate being late.
MOTHER
Trent, we’re late because you made all those calls.
Trent straightens his sleeves, taking a deep breath to steel himself for what’s to come.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE-LIVING AREA – DAY
ROBERT, small for his age, looks out through a gap in the curtains. Behind him is JACK, a big bruiser of a kid.
ROBERT
He’s here.
He turns to Jack, suddenly unsure.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Are you going to do this?
Jack smiles, rubs a fist into the other hand.
Behind them hangs a ‘Happy 10th Birthday Robert’ banner along with a bunch of helium balloons. Party food and soft drinks cover the table. Gifts adorn a small side table.
A number of ten year old kids chat and eat around the room, most keeping an eye on Robert.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Trent did it.
Jack nods and heads off.
The doorbell rings. Robert runs to the door, pulling it open.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Trent! I’m so glad you could come.
TRENT
Hi Robert.
ROBERT
(to the other guests)
Hey everyone, Trent’s here. The fun’s about to start.
A murmur ripples through the guests.
Trent eyes the guests suspiciously as he holds out a perfectly wrapped gift.
TRENT
This isn’t your whole present. I’m going to get you something more.
ROBERT
(takes gift)
You don’t need to do that. I heard about your dad.
TRENT
What?
Robert includes the other guests.
ROBERT
We heard about your dad losing all that money.
TRENT
Someone’s spreading rumors again.
ROBERT
Oh. That’s good then. I mean, about your dad.
Trent’s eyes move from person to person in the room.
TRENT
Yeah.
Trent turns to the food table.
Robert hesitates, suddenly uncertain.
He indicates to the guests with a gesture to stay calm, as he joins Trent at the table.
ROBERT
Yeah, well, maybe it’s best leave it alone, huh?
TRENT
Why? You covering for someone?
Trent pours himself a soft drink into a paper cup.
ROBERT
Look… thing is, Jack said he’s gonna beat you up.
TRENT
What for?
ROBERT
That rumor about him.
Trent turns to the other guests.
TRENT
Everyone knows you’re the one who starts rumors, Rob.
ROBERT
(smiling)
That’s not what Jack thinks.
TRENT
Is he here?
ROBERT
Trent. He could really hurt you.
TRENT
Is – he – here?
ROBERT
(hesitant)
He’s in my room. But don’t go in there.
Trent gulps down his soft drink.
TRENT
Okay, I won’t.
Robert’s eyes flick to the guests. He wasn’t expecting this.
ROBERT
Good… good… ’cause nobody here will think you’re a coward.
Trent crushes his cup in his hand as he eyes the guests.
Uncertain looks pass between the other kids.
Trent walks over to another kid, TIM, pulling out his cell phone and handing it to Tim.
TRENT
Look after this for me. It’s not a cheap phone. Got a great camera.
Tim takes the phone, but Trent doesn’t let go of it. Their eyes meet. Something passes between them. Tim nods.
Robert watches, breathless with anticipation now.
ROBERT
Trent…
Trent stalks past him in the direction of the bedrooms.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
You better go in swinging. If you don’t get the first punch in, he’ll kill you.
As soon as Trent has disappeared, Robert signals urgently to the rest of the kids to follow him to the TV screen.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
(quietly)
Quick. It’s going to be a great show.
The Kids gather in front of the TV. Robert flicks it on.
The scene is of a boy’s room – Robert’s – a high angle from a camera in the corner of the room, the door in view.
TIM
Where’s Jack?
ROBERT
He should be… he should be there.
A couple of kids snigger and cough – it’s not happening.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Something’s wrong – just wait.
Robert runs out in the direction of the bedrooms.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE-BEDROOM CORRIDOR – DAY
Robert runs down the corridor, slowing to a cautious walk as he approaches his closed bedroom door.
Suddenly, Robert is hit from behind, smashing into his bedroom door.
As he turns to face his attacker, a fist collects him on the nose. Blood spouts.
The door opens and Robert crashes to the floor in his room.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE-LIVING AREA – DAY
The kids gasp as on the screen they see Jack laying into Robert who is curled on the floor, trying to protect himself.
TRENT (O.S.)
You getting all this?
Tim nods as he films the scene on TV with the cell phone.
TIM
What you going to do with it?
TRENT
It might be worth something one day.
Jack gives Robert a final kick and leaves the room.
Tim stops filming and hands the cell phone to Trent.
TIM
Time to go everyone.
The kids clear out, heading for the front door.
Trent looks at the screen.
TRENT
Happy birthday, Robbie.
He pockets his phone, straightens his shirt sleeves, and turns off the TV screen.
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Laurie’s First Rewrite
EXT. CARNIVAL TRAILER, DUST BOWL ERA, NEBRASKA – NIGHT
Shabby furnishings, but there’s a faded glory to the purple velvet couch, leather chairs and carved oak desk.
TRENT, carnival empresario, goes over the books. Shakes his head in disgust. He unlocks a money box, takes a meager roll of cash and carefully counts it into piles.
A KNOCK. Trent quickly puts the money back, puts the box in a drawer and locks it.
TRENT
Come in!
ROBERT, a newly hired circus clown, enters, wearing longies and a tutu.
TRENT
Just the man I want to see.
ROBERT
I was getting ready, sir. I hope I didn’t do something wrong?
TRENT
Not at all. Sit, sit.
Trent pours 2 glasses of whisky and offers Robert a cigar. Lights it for him.
ROBERT
It’s not my birthday. To what do I owe the honor?
TRENT
I wanted to welcome you! Show how thrilled I am to have you under our little big top. I expect ticket sales will be going through the roof in no time once word gets around.
ROBERT
I’m a lowly clown, sir. What word?
TRENT
I need you to trust me, son.
ROBERT
But I don’t think I understand. You hired me to work with the other clowns. Should I be working on a solo act!
TRENT
Are you kidding me? That’s rich. Listen to you. By the way, how are you getting along with the other clowns? Laugh a minute?
ROBERT
Not exactly. I probably shouldn’t say anything, but I overheard Tommy talking to another clown. Says they’re not going to waste their time working me into the act —
TRENT
Oh he did, did he!
TOMMY, painted clown face, polka dot costume, sticks his head in the door.
TOM
Boss! Chester says to tell you. The ‘roo ain’t cooperating. He can’t get the gloves on him and they don’t know what to do.
TRENT
Goddamn, Chester! You tell him to figure it out, pronto, if he knows what’s good for him.
TOM
Will do, boss.
TRENT
Not so fast, Tommy. What’s this I hear about you and the others not working Robert into your act?
TOM
But you said —
TRENT
Never mind what I said. Get a move on.
TOM
Sure thing, boss!
ROBERT
I’m guessing they have their own way of doing the act. I don’t want to be seen as taking over or trying to show them up. I’m more than happy to take my cue from what the others do.
TRENT
Don’t you dare tell me what you’re happy to do. I want you to lead the way! Do well, and I may even cut you in. But first show some gumption.
ROBERT
Okay. I’ll do my best. Is there anything in particular you want?
TRENT
Sure is! Be a goddamn good clown who does what he’s told!
ROBERT
I assume you’ll let me know what that is when the time comes?
TRENT
Don’t be coy. I know goddamn well you were a bare knuckle champion back in the day before the world went to hell in a handcart. I bet you did a lot of dancing, too, with the ladies and in the ring. I want you to show the crowd some of that fancy footwork and ham it up with your dukes.
ROBERT
I don’t know where you got that idea?
TRENT
From your press clippings! What was your win loss record?
ROBERT
I don’t recall.
TRENT
No man forgets his triumphs. Don’t hold back.
ROBERT
If you’re really interested in my boxing record, I have lots of stories that will curl your hair. I was quite the dandy in the ring, went by the name of prancing Robbie, but when I take a punch now it’s for pretend, to keep the parents and kids laughing.
TRENT
Sure. The crowd knows the difference between a prat fall and the real thing. I’m looking for you to combine the two. Giggles and mayhem, so to speak.
ROBERT
So I’ll have a partner in the ring who will take the prat falls?
TRENT
You got it! We’re going to get ’em on the edge of their seats and keep ’em there! Give ’em a spectacle they wouldn’t soon forget!
ROBERT
I’ll give it my all! I only hope I don’t disappoint you.
TRENT
You better not! Between you and me, I’ve got a new backer, who’ll shell out the really big bucks, soon as all the pieces fit together. We have to prove ourselves.
ROBERT
How do we do that?
Trent pulls out his pocket watch.
TRENT
Look at the time. Walk with me.
The men leave the wagon.
EXT. CARNIVAL TENT – NIGHT
A big tent, crowds filing in. Above the entrance, a hand painted sheet flaps. We see a clown wearing a tutu standing in a boxing ring with his dukes up against a kangaroo.
ROBERT
Now I get it! One of the clowns will be wearing a kangaroo suit!
TRENT
The suit don’t come off.
ROBERT
No? I think I know why.
TRENT
No, you don’t. Bottom line? It’s better to keep the world guessing. Things stay fresh that way. ‘Roos name in John L. After the great fighter. Now don’t hurt him. He likes to feel like he’s in charge and he’s worth a fortune. But make it look real. Give the crowd a show!
ROBERT
What? No! I’m not going to fight a helpless animal.
TRENT
Oh, he’s not helpless. Those feet can deliver a mean punch. Just use your footwork. Dance him around the ring until he’s starting to get tired. But not until he’s delivered few punches your way. You know what I mean. Make it look real. The crowd loves a good ass kicking!
-
AUDREY
LESSON 6 QE CYCLE #1
EXT. LONG ISLAND BACKYARD – DAY
Olympic size pool. LIFEGUARD. Cabana. Bouncy House, Outside Bar, CLOWNS, SHETLAND PONIES, and unruly KIDS destroying everything, while ADULTS socialize. It’s a lavish kid’s Birthday Bash!
SUZANNE, 30’s, looks frazzled, wearing a well-tailored black dress. Meets up ROBERT, who’s carting a Teddy Bear the size of a 5-year-old.
ROBERT
You couldn’t have planned this party another for another day?
SUZANNE
Today is Samantha’s Birthday. Just because our parents celebrated our big day, when it was convenient for them… Sometimes weeks later, doesn’t mean I should do the same.
(teary)
This is home… our family’s home! Dad would love this!
Teary, she walks away.
TRENT arrives, he’s dressed like a GQ Model, polished from head to pedicure.
ROBERT
Wow! Trent… Nice to see you. Wasn’t sure you’d come.
Trent, surveying the scene…
TRENT
Did I get the date wrong?
ROBERT
No, you didn’t!
TRENT
Why is there a party on the same day as ‘the reading of the will?’
ROBERT
It’s Suzanne!… You know her! She said it’s her damn house too, and she can do whatever the devil she wants.
Kids see the Over-Stuffed Teddy Bear and come running, giggling, surrounding Robert and Trent. Birthday girl, SAMANTHA (SAM), 5 years old, grabs The Bear instantly falls in love with it. And she and the Bear are the same size.
SAMANTHA
(giggling)
Thank you, Uncle Robbie! It’s perfect!
ROBERT
You’re so welcome Sam! And I want you to meet your–
TRENT
— I’m Trent! Your mother’s brother!
(pointing)
His too!
Samantha doesn’t know what to make of him.
Trent reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of money, peels off a few bills, handing them to Samantha.
An ACKWARD MOMENT as Samantha hugging the Teddy Bear with a fist full of money, walks off.
TRENT
(calling after her)
Give it to your mom. Tell her it’s from Trent… for you.
(trying to sound natural)
Un…cle … Trent.
IN THE DISTANCE
We Suzanne escorting MR ELKRIDGE, an older gentleman, with a stiffened gait, dis-shelved, carrying a briefcase.
Trent sees Mr. Elkridge…
TRENT
Is that ELKRIDGE? Good God, he’s still alive?
ROBERT
I heard he drinks. It seems alcohol has pickled him.
They chuckle.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Dad trusted Elkridge with his life. They go way back. You know how dad didn’t like change.
TRENT
Wonder how he feels about being stuck in hell?
A BEAT
ROBERT
There’s something I need to tell you before “the reading of the will.’
Robert heads to the Mansion. Trent follows.
INT. FOYER HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
HOUSEKEEPER crossing when Trent meets up with her.
TRENT
Would you bring in some drinks? I mean something strong… preferably fermented. In fact, grab the best bottle we have from the cellar!
Housekeeper looks at him as if he’s got two heads. Registering the look… Extends his hand to shake…
TRENT
Oh, I’m Trent!… The dead man’s son. Nice to meet you!
INT. LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Trent re-familiarizing himself with storied walls of family photographs.
ROBERT
Now, I know you didn’t think I’d ever get it together. But I have.
(sighs)
No more secrets!… I’m a father!
TRENT
WHAT?… Wow! That’s wonderful! How old is he?
ROBERT
Seven, he’s seven!
TRENT
Congrats!… Are you married?
ROBERT
Yes!
TRENT
WHAT?… Where was the wedding?
Robert, sheepishly, points to the backyard.
TRENT
You didn’t have the decency to invite me?
(a beat)
Anyone I know?
ROBERT
Ah, yeah, well… It’s Lanie.
TRENT
Lanie… LANIE! Like Lanie, MY ex?
ROBERT
I know how this looks–
TRENT
— WHAT? I LOVED HER!… Is she the mother?
Robert is silent.
Trent paces, thinking, then…
TRENT
(slowly growing angrier)
Oh, I get it! My ex-girlfriend, who dumped me for some lazy, out of shape UPS guy, is now going to get a part of my inheritance which she clearly does not deserve!
SUZANNE enters.
ROBERT
Why is it always about you?
SUZANNE
Look, the sooner we get this over with, the better!
Trent and Suzanne AD LIB, “They Agree.” Robert, noticeably quiet.
ROBERT
Well, ah, there’s one more thing.
DEAD SILENCE
ROBERT
Our son, who dad absolutely loved–
TRENT
— Whoa, Whoa! Wait a minute! You said your son is 7! How’s that possible? Me and Lanie broke-up 6 years ago!
Gets in Robert’s face…
ROBERT
Hold on!… Easy to explain! This happened on your watch.
TRENT
What?
ROBERT
Ah, it was not a UPS guy.
He worked for Federal Express!
Trent leaps for Robert’s throat. They both fall to the floor. Suzanne jumps on top of the two of them. And she starts beating whoever is closest. And it’s on! With EACH SLAP, KICK, CHOCK HOLD she says…
SUZANNE
I… CAN’T… STAND… EITHER…
OF… YOU… SICKENING!
Mr. Elkridge, very slow moving, appears in the doorway with the Manila folder in hand, marked “FINAL WILL and TESTAMENT.”
He watches the brawl…
MR. ELKRIDGE
(to himself)
Nothing’s changed!
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Shelley’s first rewrite:
INT. 100-YEAR-OLD HISTORIC ALEHOUSE – DUSK
Happy hour at the Alehouse, Robert is schmoozing with the local customers at the bar, loudly telling stories. Trent, arriving late for his own celebration, stirs up old resentments.
ROBERT
(Country music blasting)
Have you heard that Pete’s old man is getting it on with his nurse? I walked in one day after fixin’ his tractor for him-she was trying to pull up his pants and well, you know-(crowd laughter)
KITTY
Cut the shit, Robert. You’re always making up these things, and…one day…
ROBERT
Now, Kitty, sit tight, babe-you sure are looking good these days.
KITTY
Robert-
ROBERT (CONT)
Do you think the others would want to hear what happened the other night?
Kitty storms out to the kitchen as the screen door slams open. Trent enters dressed in a silk black cowboy shirt with white piping, new cowboy boots and a tall suede hat.
ROBERT (CONT)
Late for your own promotion party, Trent. Well-it’s about time you returned to the scene of the crime. Though this time, you’re in it for the real gold!
TRENT
Hey Joe, order me up a Guinness and for my friend, a pale Ale…and don’t forget to put it on HIS tab.
BARTENDER
Good to see you boys back together. How long has it been?
ROBERT
Years. He’s back alright. Now working as the boss man.
BARTENDER
You boys have always been at it, competitors since prep school, right?
TRENT
Good to see you, too. Hey, how about a round for the natives. Time to share with my friends! (Wraps his arm around Robert)- Hey, glad to see you Cuz. It’s been too long
ROBERT
Yes, we all are your friends-true enough.. Where’s that woman of yours hiding out?
Where’s Angel? Is she coming?
TRENT
(boasting, changing the subject, turns to the others to tell his story being the quarterback)
Remember that touchdown I racked up? Shattered the high school record! A performance that still reigns supreme in this town’s rushing history!
ROBERT
There you go again, always acting as though it was a solo act.
TRENT
The tracks of a legacy that many still can’t comprehend as being athletically possible!
ROBERT
Stop! Really. You know, you wouldn’t have gotten there without me and the others. You never ever mention it was us guys that got you there.
TRENT
Bartender-another round for the house! After this, some of that nasty gruel you make up in that kitchen of yours. Still smoking from that last fire?
BARTENDER
Easy does it…we all know, thanks to you, we have a sparkling new stove.
ROBERT
Shouldn’t we say thanks to old man Pete? He was the one who was left with the bag when Mr Big left town. Full of excuses, I might add.
TRENT (CONT)
Where are you going with this, Robert? Looking at the others-Let’s get back to the game, still can’t own it, eh-we all know you were hiding behind the others.
ROBERT
Just saying. I can see you haven’t changed a bit. (Changing the subject) Rumor has it you’re broke.
TRENT
Who? What rumor-still the town gossip, I’m surmising. No one believes you anymore. You and that wolf dog of yours. He’s a service dog-yeah right-No one here has ever seen any papers, nor his vest.
ROBERT
(Slamming his drink down) Hey, bro, you just got back-let’s ease up here. We do have tomorrow. Let’s go sit at our old booth with those scratched initials R & A under the table in the wood -shall we? Joe, 2 more with some of those hot and spicy wings to cool some of us down!
TRENT
(Trent sitting wiping and rearranging his silverware) So fill me in-how’s your ole folks doin’? And the others-still fuming over the estate turnover? Can’t blame that on me. I went over and over the papers. I couldn’t stop the foreclosure.
ROBERT
You were in it with them. Angel even knew-though she was between a rock and a hard place, being knocked up and all.
TRENT
Who are you getting this from? Wait a minute…wait, I can see by your face you’ve seen Angel. When?
ROBERT
Angel? Oh Angel, you mean my ex-fiancé or your pregnant wife? She showed up at the site-water bottling company, last night before I closed down. She implied you’re bankrupt.
TRENT
Can’t seem to stay out of anyone’s business, ever. Never going to get over her, are you? Gotta stick your nose in.
ROBERT
She came over to me, man. I’ve yielded to the victorious king. Decent man that I am.
Robert grabs Trent’s hand to shake it. Trent pulls away and wipes his hand off with a handkerchief.
TRENT
Sorry it didn’t go your way, bro. Just the way it is.
ROBERT
What! You can’t touch me now? Back then, we were all swinging together. If only you hadn’t gotten her pregnant. You’re always needing to one-up me. Everyone knows it- see, Bill over there-he was talking about you the other night.
TRENT
Why you’re still a dirty, drunk bastard. (kicks the dog under the table and grazes Robert’s face with his fist)
ROBERT
That’s it. Pulls out his knife. (All faces from the bar are frozen tight) (laughing) Puts it away.
Trent drops his beer, bolts up from the booth, and shoves Robert. Scuffling, they knock into the bartender.
BARTENDER
(Saving the drinks in hand, he backs into the shelf and knocks the green bottle off. A woman, upset, leaves cash and runs out the front door)
Hey boys, out the back door, ENOUGH. I said take it outside!
ROBERT
Put it all on his tab-
The men are tussling, and the fight is escalating. Robert sees the woman enter her car and drive off through the heavy mist.
ROBERT
(Right Punches Trent in the face) One for the road and taking Angel.
TRENT
(Trent punches Robert in the stomach and continues to kick his butt, knocking him to the ground) You were nothing and still nothing. If it weren’t that you were close to the family-I’d…
ROBERT
(They hear a car crash and stop abruptly) (Bleeding, wiping his nose) Shit, what was that?
TRENT
Worse than the lightning bolt that hit the Alehouse years ago.
(Leaving Robert on the ground in the parking lot, he heads back into the tavern)
Enough, for now, loser. I’m calling the cops. Better see you at work tomorrow if you still want a job.
-
<div>
</div>Screenwriting U. – Lesson 5 – scene/draft #2 – JK Landers
INT. ARMY BASE – NCO CLUB – NIGHT
Enlisted men gather in the dimly lit NCO club bar for a drink before dinner. They range from E-3s to Master Sergeants and First Sergeants. They come in all manner of dress–fatigues, civilian attire, and dress greens, and some in civilian attire. TRENT (23, buck sergeant, wiry, military bearing, whitewall haircut) enters. He wears fatigues, but they’re crisply starched and perfectly bloused, and he wears an expensive Rolex watch on his wrist. He could be a poster boy for an Army recruiting photo. He works his way through the crowd, his eyes searching for…
ROBERT (23, Spec 5, heavy set, permanent cocky grin) sits at a table near the far wall, trying to make time with a waitress. Trent makes his way to the table. An acquaintance nods at him on the way and he nods back without stopping.
ROBERT
Well, hey-hey, Jose. How are they hanging today?
TRENT
(shrugs)
They’re hanging. You?
ROBERT
Never better, my man. What can I get you?
TRENT
The hundred bucks you owe me would be nice. Plus the vig.
ROBERT
Sure. Let’s have a beer first.
Robert motions a waitress over.
ROBERT
A Bud for my best bud, if you please.
(to Trent)
Look at the ass her! There oughta’ be a law.
TRENT
You said you were good for it. On payday.
ROBERT
Remind me. What’s this?
TRENT
Charles Town? The eighth race? You were broke but you had the field figured? You hit me up for a hundred, plus ten percent by payday.
ROBERT
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I remember the race. What a bitch. But I don’t remember borrowing from you.
TRENT
You were going to bring it to my barracks on payday.
ROBERT
Today?
TRENT
Last payday.
The waitress brings Trent’s beer.
ROBERT
Must’ve forgot.
(to the waitress)
Tell him, babe. I’ve got lots on my mind.
(to Trent)
Always got deals cooking, my man. Working my way to a Cadillac and a penthouse. You should invest with me.
TRENT
The guys in your barracks say you don’t hang out there much.
ROBERT
The boy’s club. Small timers, my man. No dough, no ambition. That’s what I like about you. Nice watch, by the way. Business must be good.
TRENT
Guys I talked to didn’t seem to like you much.
ROBERT
They’re a bunch of dumb assholes.
TRENT
Got my cash?
ROBERT
Well, not just this minute. I’ve got investments. I want my money working. You know what that’s like. Don’t worry, I’ll get it to you.
TRENT
I’m counting on you.
ROBERT
Sure, dude. Got you covered.
TRENT
Good, thanks. I have to go, but, since we’re friends, I scored some great hash. You want a sample? On the house, for my best bud.
ROBERT
Sure. Maybe Sugar Butt’ll help me make it through the night.
TRENT
(standing)
Step into my office.
They walk through the bar to the Men’s Room, Trent leading the way, Robert slapping hands with people he passes.
INT. NCO CLUB LATRINE – NIGHT
Trent glances around. The place is empty. He leads Robert to the furthest stall, opens the door, and gestures for Robert to enter first. Robert does. Trent fishes one hand into his pocket.
TRENT
Just for you, Best Bud.
Trent’s hand comes out of his pocket in a fist, and he sucker-punches Robert with a wicked uppercut. Robert stumbles back and falls on the toilet. Trent slugs him several more times as he speaks.
TRENT
Best bud, huh.
(slugs Robert)
You told your barracks buddies what a sucker I was.
(slugs him again)
That I’m a stupid sap.
(slugs him again)
Well hotshot, this bud’s on you.
Trent finishes him with a final roundhouse hook and leaves Robert bloody, limp, semiconscious on the toilet. He washes the blood off his hands, then leaves.
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previous rewrite was improved, thus deleted.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Bill Southwell.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by
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Bill Southwell rewrite after video critiques
Annual Awards Banquet. Round tables set up. Robert comes in and finds an empty table and sits. Soon Trent comes into the hall, sees Robert, and sits at the same table.
INT. DINING HALL – EVENING
Robert
Hello Trent, good to see you again.
Trent sits down but across the table from Robert
Trent
I usually don’t attend these events. But this year is different.
If I get the Outstanding Achievement Award it will mean
I’ll get into MIT graduate school.
Robert sits up in his chair upon hearing this.
Robert
(nervously) That would be great for you.
TRENT
The solar cell coating I invented ought to
win the Outstanding Achievement award.
Robert is silent.
TRENT
What do you plan to do after graduation?
ROBERT
(hesitantly) Oh, Graduate school somewhere. But not MIT,
I could never afford that.
TRENT
That is where my father got his PhD.
ROBERT
Also, I do not have the mathematical skills that you have.
TRENT
Well, it takes more than that to get ahead these days.
It is who you know more than what you know.
ROBERT
Oh, but you do have a great background, you get A’s
In all your classes.
TRENT
Yeh, but so will all the other applicants to MIT.
That’s why one must overcome weak spots,
grease the skids, so to speak.
ROBERT
(more confidently) You know, Trent, working on our senior project
was a good learning experience for me.
TRENT
That was a lot of fun. And we did really well. We
showed that my solar cell coating does increase
Photovoltaic Efficiency.
ROBERT
Absolutely! And it is quite a timely achievement
with all the emphasis on solar energy these days.
TRENT
But you know, that aside, in my essay that we had to
submit for this award, I did not say anything about
that. I submitted the accomplishments of my pedigree.
ROBERT
You mean your father?
TRENT
Yes, and his father also. My grandfather was issued
a patent for a high pressure shut-off valve used in
hydraulic brake systems.
I wanted to show them that creativity is in my genes.
ROBERT
Well, good luck. I know you will do well in your career.
Dinner plates were served. The Dean, at the Speakers table, stands up to announce the awards.
THE DEAN
And now we come to the final recognition. The
Outstanding Achievement Award. Each year, the
College of Engineering honors the individual whose
accomplishments far exceed the normal and will
have the most benefit to society. This year the
competition was so great that the judges required
written essays from each candidate to assist them
in finding the real winner.
He pauses while he opens the envelope.
THE DEAN
And the winner is: Robert Anderson, for his discovery
of an optical coating that has been shown to
increase the efficiency of solar cells.
TRENT
At the table Trent bursts out to Robert.
WHAT? That was my invention!
THE DEAN
Will Robert come forward to accept this Certificate
And Plaque?
Robert, quickly gets up and moves to the speaker’s table amid loud applause.
THE DEAN
Robert, this is a well-deserved recognition. Even
A small increase in solar cell efficiency will result in
Megawatts more energy worldwide. Your essay on
how you designed and developed that coating was
truly inspiring.
Congratulations.
Robert moves back to the table where Trent is sitting.
People are standing and applauding.
TRENT
I also want to congratulate you but in my
own way. Let’s go back to the Lab where it is quiet.
The DEAN dismisses the meeting and Trent and Robert go to the Lab.
INT. Engineering Lab – EVENING
TRENT
(Enraged) You liar! You knew this was my
Invention. All you did was work on the project
to demonstrate the proof of concept.
Trent grabs Robert by his shirt and slams him to the wall.
TRENT
What did you say about me in your essay?
That I was a causal contributor? You poor lying fool!
Trent slams Robert a second time to the wall. Trent’s rage continues to grow.
TRENT
Or did you mention me at all!
You are worse than a low-life. You will never amount
To anything.
Trent beats up on Robert.
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