Lesson 6

[Jack Young]

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s difficult to write good query letters. We must have some good hooks to pull the reader in and be sold on the concept.

Jack Young’s Synopsis Hooks & Draft:

HOOKS:

1- We have a world-wide epidemic. If that’s not bad enough, the only way to stop it is to die.

2 – Michael wants to be a good husband and father but has done everything possible just the opposite.

3 – Michael has the option of dying of cancer (in a matter of days) or giving up his life willingly to try and stop the stream which is thought to cause the no-birth crisis.

“Would you die to save your family and mankind?”

Title: STREAM

Written by Jackie Young

Genre: SciFi / Fantasy

I have bad news and bad news. 1) In less than 100 years the human race will become extinct. 2) You must die to stop it.

Michael Walker wants to be a good husband. This would be true except for the fact that he can’t seem to end an affair with a secretary at work and has just lost his job and family savings in an illegal inside-trader stock deal. Oh, and his business partner who supplied the insider trading info just flipped on him at the local FBI headquarters office. Any minute now, the FBI will show up with an arrest warrant for Michael.

As he tries to find his way through a minefield of personal and professional problems, a no-birth epidemic looms over everyone on the planet as his terrible migraines worsen. But as if things seem they can’t get any worse, he’ll soon discover that he may be mankind’s only hope to end the current no-birth epidemic.

Supernatural events lead him towards the Professor, a man that may have the answers to what is causing the epidemic and why Michael must die to stop it. Professor Darlington theorizes that an unusual energy stream in the astral plane is stealing all of the souls from our planet. Shunned by the scientific community as a lunatic, the Professor has put together a team and has developed a method to send a man into the energy stream.

There are two choices for Michael — die from brain cancer in less than 3 days…OR submit to having your heart stopped to save the world.

Oh, forgot to mention, the second option hurts like Hell.

BIO: I wrote, executive produced, and co-produced “Love Wine”, a romantic comedy, released on NetFlix. Additional credits include “The Darkening”, a suspense/horror film (2012) that I wrote, executive produced, produced, directed, and distributed, which had a limited theatrical release by Rave Cinema (Both Streaming on Amazon Prime Video, Tubi, Popsy on Plex, and Xumo). I am author of the screenwriting book, “How to Write a Screenplay in 3 Days: The Marathon Method” (Available on Amazon) I have authored over forty original screenplays in all genres. I am currently managed by Hakim Mularine of New York, NY. I worked on a paid rewrite of a screenplay adaptation of the book, “The Island Calls”.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the Pitch Bible and pilot episode.

CONTACT: Jackie Young, 1327 Drexel Street, Omaha, NE 68107, PH: 402-731-7037, EMAIL: jackyoung1981@cox.net

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jack Young.

[Eric Humble]

Eric Humble’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is: that just working with hooks alone, I can create a strong synopsis that makes every sentence interesting and unique. I was really impressed with how much of the story I was able to pull together from just a short list of hooks. I’m going to go back into my pitch Bible and make sure that the synopsis I have there for the pilot is as strong as this one now that I’ve got a draft together, because I feel like this is a great marketing tool for the series across the board.

2. Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

The Conclave shapes human history by deciding which diseases get cured, when, and which are allowed to run rampant

Jude: brilliant chemist, transforms from staunch company man to warrior.

The Conclave is a secret society made up of top execs in the Big Healthcare, Big Pharma, and Big Insurance industries intent on suppressing cures to diseases in order to shape human history

Jude: brilliant pharma chemist who all the others come to for corrections and advice, has solved the cure for cancer

He has the cure for cancer but isn’t allowed to pursue it – when his wife is diagnosed with inoperable cancer

He discovers a secret society – proceeds like a humdrum business meeting except everyone wears ceremonial masks and two prospective members fight to the death as it proceeds

The cure for cancer that Jude developed actually doesn’t work… without Dres’s DNA

Dres is a homeless con artist who targets bigwigs in the Pharma industry… but she’s also an immortal, who is over 100 years old

Emotional Dilemma: Either kill to gain entrance into The Conclave or stay safe and never be able to develop the cure that can save millions of lives including his wife’s

4. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.

It’s been 12 years since Jude discovered the cure for cancer–then signed a contract preventing him from even talking about it.

Jude may be the most brilliant geneticist the pharmaceutical world has ever seen. All his colleagues come to him for corrections and advice. But it’s always been easier to accept another cushy promotion than push back against the company’s grand plan to hold out on his discovery until the “right time”…

…until his wife is diagnosed with inoperable cancer.

Frantic to get his discovery into production, Jude discovers, after all these years, that his cure doesn’t actually work… without the DNA of one specific person: Dres, a homeless con artist who targets Big Pharma execs.

Dres holds the key because she’s a 100-year-old member of an immortal race. Which makes her the target of The Conclave, a secret society of top execs in Big Healthcare, Big Pharma, and Big Insurance who shape human history by deciding which diseases get cured when, and which are allowed to run rampant.

To keep Dres safe–and obtain her vital DNA–Jude will have to infiltrate The Conclave. Not so hard, since their gatherings proceed like humdrum business meetings–except prospective members have to fight to the death to get in.

He’s been a staunch company man for 12 years. Can he become a warrior to create the cure for his wife–and tens of millions of others?