Lesson 6

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Update and Improve your Outline

What I learned from this lesson – how to give my characters more depth and more conflicts

1. Rewrote the pitch to include new scenes.

2. Now the pitch matches better with the screenplay.

3. More conflict in Sera’s decision to leave Russell; Michael doesn’t go after Sera until Act II- move that up to Act I? Does Joe have reservations about leaving the priesthood?

[Julie Dod]

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

I really liked labeling where in the outline the Acts and turning points, midpoints, inciting incident etc land within in the outline. It helped me see the structure in the story. The lesson also showed me where I needed to add a little more to the two supporting characters’ stories to help the audience understand them. I think I can cull other scenes to allow for these two extra scenes. It was a good exercise.

What improvements did you make to your outline?

I added two more possible scenes to the outline for my two other main characters – to more show their stories and show why they are who they are and act as they do.

[ZhiMin Hu]

The script is improved. It’s more dramatic and more organic.

The characters’ personalities analysis and the outline of their paths are very helpful. My headache is healed.

The plot works better and the dialogue flows much better.

Loves this class.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  ZhiMin Hu.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

TITA’S OUTLINE IMPROVEMENTS – Assignment 6:

COMPARE OUTLINE TO EACH COMPLETED ASSIGNMENT; MAKE ANY IMPROVEMENTS TO OUTLINE TO HONOR NEW VISION:

What I learned by doing this assignment:

· This assignment is easy to say… but not easy to do, e.g., go through the outline with each of the 5 instructions for “going through” the outline for pitch, structure, genre, character story lines, character profiles.

· As I wrote out the instructions for A, B, C and D – including listing the structure elements implied in SU guidelines for step B – I started wondering if Hal really knew what his great questions were asking us to do if we really want to do what we are asked to do rather than wing it. But I learned to accept without freak-out resistance because I have learned so much in previous courses.

· When I felt impatient, agitated, overwhelmed by the need to go through everything and align with SU questions, I wanted to quit. But sort of miraculously, I learned that if I forced myself to follow the Hal instructions step by step (and paste them into my outline so I could see them in the scene where they happen – or don’t – gradually I was able to do what I thought would drive me nuts.

· Again, as in previous assignment with meticulous questions about story line for each main character, I fought doing this, delayed, grumbled… but I learned that the steps, guidelines and questions in the assignment is a crucial, profound element of revision we rarely even think of doing… in this assignment, by “pitch” do you mean what was called “logline” in the assignment or the broader logline, concept and one page description? I’m assuming logline

· I wish I knew about this assignment when I started the course – I would have created a workbook where I could insert each assignment and have them all in one place. Hard to find, bring up, juggle, all the pieces involved in this assignment if you really want to try doing it fully.

Improvements to Outline – note – this is a STAGE PLAY not film:

A. Pitch Alignment: 1. Where is the pitch stronger or more interesting than the outline? Take advantage of those opportunities to make improvements. 2. Is there anything in this outline that goes against this pitch? If so, fix that part of the outline. 3. Is there anything in the outline that could be elevated to match this pitch? If so, elevate it. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>PITCH: Sam celebrates victory with his friend Dan in their war they fought together for equal rights and self-government… but in only five years they are ready to kill each other, both sure they are saving democracy from the other.<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Improvement: Throughout, slip in some actions that reveal more of Sam and Dan’s back story and friendship before the war so it is more tragic when they turn against each other

B. Match Your 4-Act Structure – for the Transitional Journey

ACT 1:

· B.1.1 Opening: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Improvement: Merge Curtain Raiser with Prologue so no break and we have a continuous flow from modern world into the story telling world.

· B.1.2 Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?

Improvement: Merge scenes 3-4 for sense of continuity. Heighten conflict to make sure the theme and main conflict between violence and voting as well as equality vs privileged comes out clearly – and so that it is relevant to capture audience attention without being preachy or expositional.

· Other scenes – Sam’s homecoming with wife… add that he has to pay condolences to Ruth (to foreshadow his appearance in next scene)but Betsy makes him stay with her longer

· B.1.3 Turning Point 1. How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Improvement: Build in Sam more strongly when he interrupts Ruth’s ‘seduction of’ – strengthen Sam’s shock when he sees Ruth drawing John into a longing to be in an aristocracy maybe monarch

Act 2:

· B.2.1 New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal after the Act 1 Turning Point? Improvement: Scene – Homecomings – Add Sam because he now, after what he saw, plans to stay close to people. Build him into some or all of the homecoming vignettes as he welcomes them and reminds them about the value of the new democracy where people have equal rights/respect and elect their own leaders so they can use the vote not violence to make government serve them well. Sam into some or all of the homecoming vignettes. And foreshadow LIGHTLY in the vignettes the potential for wanting to be better than each other and for preferring violence to patient organizing and voting.

· Election day scene shows Antag’s inciting incident – celebration ends with neighbor thrown in debtor’s prison, wife and kids out of home. Improvement – foreshadow Shays trying to keep it peaceful.. trust Sam.. how he helped Sam and got independence vs. yeah , got war

· B.2.2 Plan in Action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? Scene 8, outside Green Dragon, shooting, Col Middleton, etc, Improvement: build in Sam more decisively- in line with his plan to stay close… instead of stopping Swift, he gives him a role and hope that life will get better.

· B.2.3 Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? 9 outside courthouse, everyone in debt, scared of courts…Sam is jeered. Improvement: strengthen blaming Sam for not preventing, tax to pay soldiers ends up taxing them and still not paid…heighten Sam’s shock and the conflict between vote vs violence. Show Sam asking for their trust, he needs time with Senate…. Vote to change… vs can’t from jail

Act 3:

· B.3.1 React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Improvement – As Ruth humiliates and berates Sam build in more strongly vote vs violence. Ruth berates him.

· B.3.2 New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Daniel and wife get Sam/s message for peace, his job now, reasons… and they hog tie the violent one

· B.3.3 Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? Does this force them to adopt the change in a much bigger way? Job wounded, dumped with Sam, etc. Improvement: Have the vote vs violence conflict stop Sam’s compassion – show him angry

· Additional scenes –

o Sam tells Betsy about calling out army;

o Dan, his wife and others prepare for war again

o Dan’s wife

o Sam scene with John and constitution

Improvement — do the above scenes fit into Act 4 instead? Or change Job scene to just a scene and make the John/Constitution scene the TP?

Act 4:

· B.4.1 Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? Two scenes –

o Crisis in Sam’s house then to dungeon scene.

o Climax – dungeon

Improvement… look for ways to get rid of any repetition or duplication from earlier scenes/insights… check vote vs violence

· B.4.2 Resolution: How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior? Two scenes –

o inauguration (vote vs violence but impact on Sam Improvement: end more positive. Despair, loss of friends, yes… but show need to stop violence with military to protect the vote, self-govt, etc.

o end for Dan, Improvement: Something to connect wth liberty, not just vote vs violence.

C. Strong on Genre Conventions. This is irritating. I can’t find where I downloaded the pdf with genre structures. Mine is Drama and I remember thinking my Outline fits. But where did I put it? I just went to Classes and the homework for Genre – but that lesson seems to be the structure elements not genre. I remember downloading a doc from Hal describing genres with a lot of © notices so I assume it’s special to SU… but I can’t find it on my laptop files. Anyway, my outline has the main elements of Drama – interpersonal, conflict, etc.

D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles. I will do this and E later when I’m looking more closely at the Outline from point of view of each character, e.g. – check each profile and make sure I have the secrets, wounds, goals, etc. and if not build in.

E. Build in each Character’s Story Line. – and look at each character’s story then check points in outline were something may need to be built in as action, conflict, or support for Protag or Antag

[Katherine Davis]

Day 6 Assignment: Introduce Characters PowerfullyASSIGNMENT

Create new introductions for your two lead characters.

List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.

Mary Colston, Protagonist

Select a different type of introduction from this list below for each character.

Types of Introductions
– Action shows primary traits.

Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.

Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

[birgit keil]

Day 6 Assignment: Introduce Characters PowerfullyASSIGNMENT

Conference room chaos. Creatives presenting. John excitedly tries to convince the client not to fire the agency.

Lewis butt=kissing the client. Wiping spilled coffee off his lapel, picking up papers the client swept off the table in frustration.

Margot at the conference room table, hands steepled in front of her taking in all the chaos. She unfolds her hands and slowly stands up. Everyone stops mid-action. You could hear a pin drop. All eyes are on Margot. She convinces the client to let the agency to re-visit the campaign.

Poppy –

Riley walks into the kitchen and Poppy is happily catering to Mom. She turns and sees Margot and her expression changes to…

Bio

Hear keys in the door, Mom is excited and thinks it’s Dad, but it turns out it’s the cop. He’s got his own key. Saunters in and makes his way to the cupboard and pulls out his own coffee mug (COFFEE COP)

[J.R Riddle]

Learning the Genre Convention changed my big picture perspective. I have more a drama with thriller added. This assignment took time to focus on all the parts of the outline and pitch connection so that they work together. I realized some scenes needed to be moved, or deleted completely and stated in another scene’s action.

I learned that my big picture will continue to change to the final draft, and that’s okay. I’m being gentler on myself regarding a finish with these classes. I can continue at my own pace, since like some others, I have a busy summer life. As I let go of my favorites, as I add and delete scenes or move them elsewhere, I can strengthen the characters initially with better introductions, and build on their interesting personalities further. Ultimately my script will continue to improve, and pray it will find a production home with a prosperous studio.