Lesson 6

[Alyssa Giannola]

Alyssa’s Reveals!

One Sentence Vision: I want to be the best writer I can be and a go-to writer in the industry, crafting scripts that become successful movies which make a lasting impact on people.

What I learned from this assignment is…how to spread the reveals out throughout the story and make sure the setups are strong enough without giving things away. Still working on the timing of these and whether some are an audience reveal, where WE find out first, or a character reveal, where we find out at the same time as the character(s). Might need to strengthen them or add as I go…

Genre: Action / Sci-fi

ACT 1: Alex becomes a Fate Runner and receives the Death Fortune

Opening

Alex PJ 1: Opening scene of Alex as a child: his father has the Death Fortune and tries to kill himself along with his wife and Alex- Alex escapes (using his brain/smart) but both his parents die. (Unspoken Wound)

Setup 0: His mother tells Alex it’s “not his fault” before she dies

Genre Convention: Open with action

Deeper Layer: Alex was the one who caused his father to receive the Death Fortune but the audience doesn’t know this yet.

Alex PJ 2: 30 years later, Alex announces his secret project at a gala to free people from “Fate” via an experimental serum. His speech is not well-received.

Setup 0: He talks about his past trauma like its his fault just as much as Fate’s fault.

Deeper Layer: Alex is driven by guilt to destroy Fate like it destroyed his family

Nijara AJ 1 (off screen): Nijara sends Alex the delayed fortune at the behest of the AI.

INCITING INCIDENT: During his speech, Alex receives a delayed fortune to destroy the experiment in the next 15 minutes!

Genre Convention: Demand for action (ticking clock)

Alex PJ 3: Alex tries to save the experiment (A: determined & stubborn) which results in his assistant’s death and the experiment being destroyed anyway.

Deeper Layer: Guilt drives Alex to not give up on his goal even when it’s illogical/dangerous.

Setup A: Fate is intertwined with technology, the timing of Alex’s fortune linked to the experiment, the fact that it’s destroying something that could change the world.

Celia TJ 1: Celia arrives to the scene in a cop car to interrogate Alex and she susses out he’s lying to her about what happened (C: street smart) while taking over his medical care from a medic bot (C: controlling & capable)

Setup B: The experiment was destroyed, even though Alex didn’t do it, and he leads Celia to believe the accident was not his fault.

Alex PJ 4: They argue about his obsession and goals (A: stubborn / C: controlling)

Setup C: Alex and Celia clash and don’t seem to easily get along

Alex PJ 5: Alex goes home alone (A: pushes C away) while Celia sleeps at the precinct to help with overload (C: values duty)

Reveal C: They haven’t slept in the same bed in months (estranged marriage).

Alex PJ 6: At home, he looks at a photo of them happy together and almost calls Celia to apologize, but doesn’t (A: stubborn)

TURNING POINT 1: Alex receives the Death Fortune!

Reveal B: Alex gets the death fortune just like his father did (opening) = this world’s consequences!

ACT 2: Alex recruits Celia to help him escape death before time’s up.

Genre Convention: The hero must escape the inescapable

New Plan

Alex PJ 6: Alex takes public transport to the precinct to get Celia’s help.

Alex PJ 7: The transport malfunctions and almost kills him but he uses his brain and wits to escape unscathed/stop the malfunction (A: quick-witted).

Nijara AJ 2: Nijara/AI tries to kill Alex via technology but it fails (N: calculating).

Setup A: Alex almost dies by technology but it looks like an accident.

Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (death is close!)

Celia TJ 2: Celia’s partner at the precinct, Parker, tries to convince her to leave Alex but she brushes him off (C: values duty).

Setup D: Parker hates Alex and cares for Celia, wants her to leave Alex. He’s athletic/works out.

Secret: Parker is in love with Celia.

Alex PJ 8: Alex arrives and has a verbal tiff with Parker about Fate (A: values science / P: values religion).

Alex PJ 9: Alex asks Celia to protect him for the day.

Celia TJ 3: Celia takes Alex to the morgue to convince him that he can’t escape the Death Fortune by running by showing him bodies of people who tried (C: controlling?)

Celia TJ 4: She tells him there might be another way: through the church. But he has to agree to not rebuild his lab and move on.

Setup E: Celia agrees to help Alex beat Fate and to protect him from dying but she hesitates; Alex assumes it’s because he’s mad at her.

Alex PJ 10: Alex agrees to her terms, to try and petition the Fate Walker to change his fate, but he’s lying (A: values his work)

Deception: Alex lies about his intention.

Reveal E / Secret: Celia’s fortune is to kill Alex herself! (Audience finds out here, Alex does not)

Plan in Action

Celia TJ 4: At the church, Celia requests an audience with the Fate Walker which is promptly denied by the priest.

Alex PJ 11: A church member slips Alex a secret message to meet up later.

Nijara AJ 3 (off screen): Nijara unleashes an assassin to kill Alex, since Celia hasn’t yet (N: cold/calculating).

Hidden Identity: The assassin is Parker, Celia’s partner.

Alex PJ 12: Alex and Celia head to the Crooked Market where the message said to meet (A: determined).

Alex PJ 13: The church member leads them to a secret room and tells them his suspicions about the Church.

Setup A: The church member sows doubt about the church/Fate Walker.

Celia TJ 5: Celia realizes there’s a bomb (C: street smart) and is able to save Alex before it goes off, but it mortally wounds the church member.

Genre Convention: Escalating action, higher stakes (someone else is after Alex!)

Setup D: Parker calls Celia right before the bomb goes off to lead her away (Deeper Layer, P: values Celia); when she calls him back after chasing the assassin, Parker’s out of breath but claims he’s at the gym (P: athletic).

Celia TJ 6: Celia chases after the assassin but can’t catch him (C: protective, capable).

Alex PJ 14: Alex tries to save the dying church member (A: guilt) and ends up getting key info on the Fate Walker (her location? How to find her?).

Alex PJ 15: Alex and Celia have to enlist Parker’s help to gain access to the Fate Walker (they have the location but need help getting there?)

Setup D: Parker is more adamant about Celia leaving/abandoning Alex to Fate, he acts strangely around them both.

Deeper Layer/Hidden Identity: Parker wants to kill Alex but can’t because of Celia’s presence (P: values Celia).

Nijara AJ 4 (off screen): Nijara gives Parker permission to help Alex and Celia meet her.

Deeper Layer: Nijara is planning to kill them herself! (N: cold)

Genre Convention: Antagonist who is clearly corrupt / malicious

Alex PJ 16: Alex and Celia meet Nijara and their conversation quickly escalates, resulting in Alex pulling a gun on Nijara (A: determined) and her revealing she is able to mind/band control them both (limited power/control though- make this clear and make sense).

Setup A: Alex and Celia confront Nijara, their conversation plants more setup seeds as it escalates into the reveal…

Nijara AJ 5: Nijara reveals the truth about the AI to Alex and Celia.

Reveal A: …it’s a false religion: Fate is an AI and Nijara (the Fate Walker) helps it run the city!

Deeper Layer: Nijara believes she is a partner with the AI (deception on the part of the AI)

Reveal E: Alex finds out Celia’s fortune is to kill him! (I think it happens here)

TURNING POINT 2 – MIDPOINT: Alex discovers the truth about who Fate really is and Nijara accidentally reveals the missing piece for his serum (working on this part). Alex and Celia escape!

Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)

Act 3: Finish the serum before the data is lost forever.

Rethink Everything & New Plan

Alex PJ 17: Alex contacts his lead tech, Lila, in order to get access to his lab before incineration. (A: values work, pulls someone else into danger)

Nijara AJ 6: Nijara is reprimanded for letting someone leave with the knowledge of the AI. She raises the stakes for Parker to kill Alex: if he fails, he dies next.

Deeper Layer: The AI starts to consider Nijara as a weak link.

Setup F: Nijara always does what the AI wants even when it seems like it’s her idea, it’s hard for her to disobey, the AI talks to her like it owns her and reprimands her harshly.

Alex PJ 18: Alex and Celia break into the lab with Lila’s help (A: determined / C: capable).

Alex PJ 19: Alex is almost done with the the serum as the incineration begins but the assassin (Parker) arrives to finish him off (P: capable, vindictive).

Celia TJ 7: Celia fights off the assassin (C: capable, selfless) as the building burns while Alex finishes the serum (A: values work, smart).

Alex PJ 20: They barely escape with one vial of the serum.

Deeper Layer: In order to kill Alex, Parker has to kill Celia, and he can’t do it, which allows them time to escape (P: values Celia).

Setup D: The assassin seems to hold back when it comes to fighting Celia.

Genre Convention: Demand for action (fighting/escaping/running)

Nijara AJ 7: Nijara wants to kill Alex herself to prove she’s capable (N: proud). The AI denies her request; instead, it sets the robots after Alex.

Alex PJ 21: The robots in the city turn hostile towards Alex, forcing him and Celia to go into hiding.

Alex PJ 22: With no way out and limited time left, Alex takes the serum (A: stubborn).

Deeper Layer: He has to know if it worked (still obsessed, hasn’t quite changed yet). Also, he is at the end of his rope and thinks there’s no way out even though Celia does (all is lost?)

Alex PJ 23: The chemicals from the band interact badly with the serum and Alex starts to lose his mind.

Reveal 0: Alex was the reason his father got the Death Fortune, therefore responsible for his parents death.

Celia TJ 8: Celia cuts off his arm/hand with the band on it. (C: capable, protective)

TURNING POINT 3: Alex doesn’t die revealing that his serum works! But there was only one vial: now Alex’s mind and blood hold the secret. If he dies, so does the chance of freedom.

Deeper Layer: Alex is vindicated but also starts to understand Celia’s sacrifice for him and realizes how much he loves for her.

ACT 4: Alex must get across the city to give his blood and instructions to Lila before Fate wins (time is almost up).

Alex PJ 24: Alex and Celia hijack a sky car to quickly get across the city as the robots close in (A: smart, C: capable).

Genre Convention: Escalating action (car chase!) and higher stakes (they have to save the whole city!)

Alex PJ 25: Alex and Celia split up in the middle of the chase in separate cars (A: smart, C: selfless).

Climax

Nijara AJ 8: Nijara’s robots chase and take down Celia’s car, giving Alex a clean getaway.

Alex PJ 26: Alex crashes into the robots, destroying them, and saves Celia. (A: determined, quick witted, arc is moving from values work to values people)

Transformational Journey: Putting himself and his goal in jeopardy to save someone he loves, from selfish ambition to selfless sacrifice.

Nijara AJ 9: Nijara arrives, defying the AI’s orders, and takes control of Celia. Orders her to kill Alex (N: calculating). Alex encourages Celia to do it (A: values people).

Setup F: It’s hard for Nijara to disobey the AI and should affect her strongly in a negative way.

Deeper Layer: Alex cares too much about Celia to let her die for him, even if it dooms the world. His arc is complete.

Celia TJ 9: Celia is able to fight the mind control and kills Nijara instead of Alex (C: protective)

Nijara AJ 10: Nijara dies.

Deeper Layer: The AI knows Nijara is officially off the rails and undermines her power, giving Celia enough control back to kill Nijara.

Alex PJ 27: They think they’ve won but Parker arrives and fatally shoots Alex (P: capable, vindictive).

Reveal D: Parker is the assassin!

Resolution

Alex PJ 28: Alex dies one minute AFTER the deadline, beating fate after all.

Celia TJ 10: Celia receives the Death Fortune and takes a vial of Alex’s blood to finish his mission (C: capable).

Nijara AJ 11: Nijara is reborn as a clone.

Reveal F: Nijara is a clone who was designed to assist the AI and it keeps wiping her memory!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Reveals!

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies.

What I learned: I used AI again to brainstorm reveals, twists, and surprises. Used that information to develop a character and create a surprise at the climax.

Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (Setup – What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick (Setup – she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.)

Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown.

Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb in the river. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies. (Setup – Patrick doubting God hears later)

Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid.(Setup – Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.)

Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. (Setup – Milcho later kills himself as part of Morrigan’s control over his life)

Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.

On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him. (Setup – the wolf is actually Bacrah)

Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.(Setup for Morrigan’s control over Bacrah and his desire to break that control.)

Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious.

Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past actions)

A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy. (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland. . (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked. (Setup – Morrigan can control nature – we don’t know Morrigan set up the storm here.)

Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them. (Reveal – Patrick can perform miracles by praying)

At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

Patrick’s parent ask him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They beg him to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland. (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past action.)

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick. (Reveal – Milcho is under Morrigan’s control)

Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.

Patrick defames the sun god’s rocks, turns them into crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God. (Setup – for Patrick’s cross seen later)

Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses. (Reveal – Morrigan can control nature)

Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way.

A blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her. (Setup – a test from God to see Patrick’s allegiance).

Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him. The angel Victor appears, states he has passed his test, blesses his journey.(Reveal– test from God.)

Act 3.

Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him

Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king. (Reveal: Morrigan calls in Bacrah’s debt. Setup – Bacrah’s wish to be free from her control.)

Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater. (Setup for Dubtach’s “conversion” and Bacrah’s doubt in Morrigan’s power.)

One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts. (Setup – Dubtach does not truly convert and later betrays Patrick).

Patrick attempts to evangelize King Loeghaire.

Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God but a message from King Eochaid allows him to send Patrick away.

Before sending Patrick away, Patrick sees a woman he thinks is his sister and asks King Loeghaire for her freedom. King Eochaid gifts the woman to Patrick. (Setup – Patrick thinks this is his sister but is just a servant girl).

Patrick discovers the servant (Lizzie) is not his sister. Patrick treats her with respect and takes her with him to free her from her enslavement. (Reveal, setup for Lizzie’s loyalty)

Patrick arrives before King Eochaid who asks him to ensure his captured son is freed from another king. Dubtach assures the king of Patrick’s power. Patrick prays for the king’s son. (Setup – Dubtach’s belief in Patrick’s power is why he converted, not to serve God.)

King Eochaid’s son is released. King Eochaid wants to learn the Christian way. A crow flies in and King Eochaid has a heart attack. (Setup – the Crow is Morrigan and King Eochaid realizes she is against his curiosity).

Patrick, Lizzie, and Dubtach are thrown into prison for supposedly casting a spell on King Eochaid. Patrick accepts imprisonment which turns Dubtach’s heart away. Lizzie sees Patrick’s reaction and turns to God. (Reveal: Dubtach is only after power. Setup – Lizzie willing to give her life for Patrick later.)

King Eochaid sends Patrick to the High King. Warns of Bacrah’s and Morrigan’s power. (Setup for the showdown between Patrick and Morrigan/Bacrah).

New Plan: Go after the High King!

A banshee appears, foretells of Lizzie’s death during a sudden storm if Patrick doesn’t turn from his course. Patrick refused. (Setup – Lizzie’s death)

Patrick goes on his way, unbeknownst to him, Morrigan shapeshifts from banshee to herself, to a crow and flies off. (Reveal: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.)

Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie arrive at the high king’s castle. Bacrah faces them and Dubtach betrays Patrick. (Reveal: Dubtach’s true character and the prophesy about Patrick.)

Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life to control Patrick. Lizzie sacrifices her life so she will not be used by Bacrah. (Reveal – Lizzie is a true convert. Setup– Bacrah realizing how he can escape Morrigan’s clutches.)

Patrick is sent to the dungeon. He deals with his own self-pity and guilt. Overcomes to stand firm in his faith. (Reveal – Patrick’s resolve to follow God and his own guilty feelings.)

Patrick is brought before King Aengus. Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan. (Setup for showdown with Morrigan)

Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death. (Setup for us thinking Patrick will die).

Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith. (Setup – we think Alita is alive).

Morrigan reveals she is shapeshifted into Alita’s form. She sends snakes to attack Patrick. (Reveal)

Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland. (Reveal: Patrick’s power)

Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear.(Reveal) He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

Bacrah sees Patrick’s conviction, gives his life to destroy Morrigan’s dragon, turning the fight so that the King’s soldiers are winning. (Reveal: Bacrah gives his life to God to free himself from Morrigan’s power)

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Reveals

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that reveals must have set-ups in every act, enough for the viewer either to be misled and get surprised, or to get hints that suddenly make sense when the reveal shows up.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

Action: With hands in prayer position, she nods and listens intently as ticket agent explains all direct flights to Berlin have already taken off and offers her a free overnight in Chicago and tomorrow night’s flight to Berlin. But then she gestures dramatically during a long tirade which ends once again with prayer position hands that extends from her chest to the ticket taker’s chest.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

Action: Allison, prim and proper at all times, gives Libby as pleading look as she hands the ticket agent her credit card and when she gets her ticket, gives her a smile.

Action: Freida frantically breaks ahead in the queue and slaps her ticket on the ticket agent’s counter, looking apologetically back at those behind her.

FR 1: Freida gets the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.

Action: Freida runs, pulling a wheeled bag behind her with one hand, covering her pendant with her other hand.

Action: Running, turning around a handicap cart driver, Libby hops on with him just as Freida catches up and hops on. Allison throws on her small bag and runs behind the cart.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

Action: Allison has a habit of taking a deep breath before any long sentence.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.

Action: Eyeballs nervously darting side to side, Freida takes her hand off her pendant and clinches both hands together.

DEEPER LAYER and SETUP 1: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.

Action: Allison’s face appears to blush, even without reddening, with any reference to her brilliance.

PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Action: Libby leans back comfortably in the middle seat as she begins her narration.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER and SETUP 2: Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so. Reveal will be Libby admitting her motherhood was as bad as her birth father’s.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Action: Freida clinches her hands across her knees—a gesture meant to calm her nerves.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

Action: Allison’s smile and animation while admiring Young Libby are larger than any previous ones.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Young Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.

SETUP 3: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born. Clue that musical prodigy runs in Zhores’ family.

SETUP 4: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand. Clue that her father is unknown means that it could be the one she concludes it to be.

SETUP 5: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida. Clue that Libby knows something about Freida that the audience doesn’t know at this point.

Action: During this dialogue, Freida is more relaxed.

Action: Libby turns her furrowed brow and startled eyes away from Freida and toward Allison, who notices.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

SETUP 6: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

DEEPER LAYER and ABOVE SETUP 6: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.

Action: Hand under her chin with pointing finger on her cheek, Libby reminisces and bunglingly notes the similarity of Freida’s mother-in-law to her own neglectful birth father, the Major.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

SETUP 7: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up. Clue that her grandparents were in Berlin at the same time Libby was there.

Action: Allison’s three fingers on each side of her brow indicates she’s rolling around more in her brain than she’s stating in words.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

Action: Agitated by the facts she’s about to tell, she begins her narration sitting straight and extending prayer position hands repeatedly and pitifully.

Young Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.

With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.

The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.

SETUP 8: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game. Clue that the roll of film might have more on it than earthquake pictures.

Action: Freida’s demeanor, including a few tears, show her true sorrow for leaving her husband. Her ample bosom heaves with each sign and sob. .

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother and she doesn’t like it one bit that Freida ran way from him the way she did.

REVEAL 1: Freida’s husband Stuart is Libby’s son.

Action: Reluctance abounds in Libby’s confession, which nevertheless leads Freida to tell her real reason for leaving Stuart.

SETUP 9: FR7: Freida was about to take a picture of herself wearing the pendant when the earthquake hit and she ran for her apartment. Knowing how much her grandmother loved it, she couldn’t bear to take it back. She knew if she was caught with it in the USA, she’d go to jail. She stayed long enough to get their apartment back in good shape, check small portions of money from their checking account so Stuart wouldn’t get suspicious, and bought a ticket to Berlin with a stop in Chicago. Clue that a picture of her wearing the pendant might be on the film roll she left for Stuart.

Action: While touching her pendant, Freida makes sure her button-up blouse is closed to the next bo top button. Through her blouse, she pulls up her bra straps.

FR8: Freida is ecstatic when Lilly and Allison convince her that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and she would not face jail time in the USA.

Action: For the first time Freida is genuinely happy and cheek kisses both seat mates.

.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

Action: Allison winks to herself, knowing she tricked Libby and Freida into accompanying her as she makes a dream come true.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” in front of da Vincii’s masterpiece and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

Action: Libby is embarrassed as she pats a folded handkerchief at the first tear that drops from her eyes, but by the end of the number she happily lets them flow.

AL 8: As she takes a bow, Allison shows amazement at the large crowd she attracted and the enthusiastic accolades she’s receiving.

Action: She bows once with her violin, second while putting it in its case extended by Freida, and third with her hands in prayer position, nodding at Libby who frequently uses the prayer position in ordinary conversation.

FR 9: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

Action: Freida’s attitude is one of exasperation as she physically leads them, jerking them so keep up the pace.

PJ 8: Libby can’t focus her mind on getting them a taxi.

Action: Libby hugs Allison, motions to a passing taxi, hugs Allison again, motions again.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 10: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

Action: Freida unbutton two blouse buttons, pulls up her breasts so cleavage shows above her exposed bra, rolls her skirt’s waistline to make it shorter, and twists provocatively as she thumbs for a ride.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years and wants them to move to the USA. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Helga and Heinz remind Libby of all their vows to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.

Action: Libby shows worry that the rendezvous might not happen.

SET UP 8: AL 9: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth. Allison suspects the truth of her birth, but no one else does.

Action: Allison bounces happily, a smug look on her face as if she suddenly found the key to unlock a puzzle she’d been trying to figure out.

FR 11: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

Action: Freida is totally relaxed and happy as she talks with her mother.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.

ACT 4: Allison’s ingenuity gets them to Shellenberg Park and all three get what they want.

FR 12: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and mobs of pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

Action: Freida stops the car and pounds her head repeatedly toward the steering wheel.

AL 10: Allison jumps from the car and plays her violin and sings.

Action: Never missing a note on her violin, Allison wanders through the crowd, singing “Hail, Hail, the gangs on here, how’re we gonna get there? How’re we gonna get there? Hail, Hail, we need your help. Only you can get us there.”

AL 11: Allison jumps on the hood of the car, motions the celebrants to spread apart for the car to get through, and pontificates about the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic, gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

Action: Allison on hood of car spreading her arms for celebrants to make way for the car to go through.

FR 13: Freida drives at high speed.

Action: Freida oscillates between amazement at Allison’s remembering the directions and fear of wrecking the rental car.

PJ 10: In the backseat, Libby—seemingly oblivious to any danger—closes her eyes, puts hands in prayer position, and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.

Action: Knowing the two in the front seat can’t hear her, Libby runs a gamut of emotions as she makes self-promises she’ll keep if her rendezvous expectations are met, all the while straightening her attire and making herself more presentable.

STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby with his runaway wife Freida.

REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest. As her reward for the accidental pictures she didn’t know she took, the proprietor wants her to keep the pendant.

Action: Freida grabs Stuart’s hands and they jump up and down together several times before ending with a prolonged kiss.

Action: Libby pours out apologies and promises to Stuart until he stops her with a hug and kiss.

AL 12: Allison’s grandparents, Hank and Helen, arrive and confirm they were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result.

Action: Allison jumps straddle-legged on a bewildered Stuart and repeatedly kisses each of his cheeks until he pulls her head straight in front of his, recognizes Olga in her, and sobs with joy.

FR 14: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them and teach her how to get around the city.

Action: Out of habit, as she leans down toward Allison, she covers the pendant with her hand, then laughingly removes her hand and points proudly to the pendant.

AL 13: Allison says maybe she could live with Freida’s mother if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic.

Action: Helen and Hank applaud that idea.

PJ 11: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

Action: She stretches her arms out, breathes heavily, and nods repeatedly, but she does not move toward him. When he finally reaches her, her outstretched arms embrace him and her lips lift to his.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.

The End

[Marguerite Langstaff]

aModule 4 Lesson6: What do you reveal and when?

Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501

Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to activate my story telling part of my brain and create more setups.

State/Activity: I am great at discovering cool reveals!

Act 1. Reveal: Part of this reveal will be immediately in Act. 1 because it’s the main thread of the story. GM reveals to Pappy and to her son that she cannot pay her rent at Shady Acres because she’s out of money.

The reveal shows up in the First Act.

The set ups are in place when she works on her checkbook and knows that she can’t pay in the first act, but in the second act another set up shows up for this reveal when GM says how she lost all her money, investing on a wonderful stock which the “man” said would absolutely double her money when she sold her house….so she invested 100% of her money in this “wonderful stock” and it went belly up. She’s financially embarrassed by it, but she’s also mortified and doesn’t want everybody to know it.

Act 2. The set up for the big reveal in Act 3 (GM writing her advice column) shows up in Acts 1, 2, and 3. As GM makes friends in Shady Acres, they ask her questions, personal questions, how to find a boyfriend, how to make friends in general, how to put on their make-up, what to advise their grandchildren about money…and a host of other questions. An early reveal which is a set up is that GM’s career was as a counselor in Middle School so that she is used to giving advice, and she easily answers the many questions asked by her friends. A further set up is when her 10 year old grandson helps her with the computer and she starts a new business in Act 4 and becomes wildly successful at it, i.e. the reveal, the popular GM’s advice column for the elderly. As GM says, there’s not a whole lot of difference between middle schoolers and the elderly anyway.

Act. 3. The reveal in Act 3 includes Pappy’s constant attention and falling in love with GM. The set up is in Acts 1 and 2 where he tries to boss her around, tries to kill her with kindness, tries to ignore her, and finally in Act 3 he levels with GM and she is friendly to him….but certainly not loving…she’s way to independent for that.

Act 4: The reveal is (after the GREAT REVEAL about GM’s great business success) that GM agrees to go out with Pappy and as the entire Shady Acres celebrates her success she and Pappy step out together, dressed to the nines, go hand in hand to the waiting limo…and leave the audience with a warm fuzzy YES feeling.

S

Other reveals and setups:

Act 1: Set ups in Acts 1, 2, and 3 with 10 year old Sam, GM’s gson. He comes to her apt after school 3 days a week, and together they work on a computer. She learns to have computer skills from Sam, and we see her and Sam work on a project until Sam’s Dad picks him up. We don’t really know what they’re working on. The great reveal is in the last act when we learn that GM has been wildly succrssful in the publishing world selling her advice column. Advice…she loves giving it…and knows how to do it perfectly.

Act two: both the setup and reveal. The residents are so excited to work with GM in making items to sell in an outdoor market and start a real business. Pappy advises them…or tries to boss them around…and they claim so many talents…but: reveal! When they try to sell it at their market they can’t get anybody to buy woolen mittens in the middle of summer…..or heavy wooden beads. That business is revealed as a massive failure. GM, working on her computer, looks up at Pappy and asks how to spell “bankruptcy.”

Act 4: The set up for GM’s advice column has been going on for several acts while Sam and GM work on the computer, GM gives advice to friends, and they make numerous trips to the post office at Shady Acres…but the big reveal is when GM and Sam

Go a a meeting of all the residents of Shady Acres to accounce GM’s phenomenal success, and the press is there to do a story on GM herself. She is making money hand over fist….and is dubbed THE BILLIONAIRE IN 501.

ACT 1: Sally is Pappy’s bossy daughter who wants to tell him what to eat, what to wear, and who to be friends with. She resents that he is so smitten with GM because she things GM is after Pappy’s money….and GM is so broke that we, the audience begin to wonder if that’s true. She warns Pappy to end the friendship, and Pappy has to keep his affections for GM secretive so Sally will leave him along. This is true in Acts, 1,2, and 3…so when Act 4 happens and GM announces her success with the advice column, Sally is strangely quiet…with this big reveal. The last Act (Act 4) final scene has Sally being extra friendly to GM’s adult son, tall, handsome and friendly, ..who says to Sally, (as Pappy and GM leave on their big date)…maybe he’s after her money.”

Act 4: One of the great reveals in Act 4 is that GM has become most beloved and has made many friends at Shady Acres. Throughout the movie we watch her trying to make friends, successfully, we believe. Then when the market fails she is alone for several scenes and we worry about her lonliness. That’s a set up. The big reveal is when she announces in Act 4 that she’s successful, her fellow residents crowd around and smother her with their friendship. This is an especially big reveal at the big party in the lobby of Shady Acres where we encounter balloons, wine, ice cream and friendship every where.

[Ruthie Harris]

Ruthie’s Reveals:

What I learnt: This is a great way to check that reveals feature in every act.

ACT 1:

Setup: Zadie is caught speeding

Reveal: She leads the cop car to the courthouse where she already has a summons for driving offences.

Setup: We see Zadie’s Zenlike office closet where she hides out.

Reveal: This gregarious personality has imposter syndrome, and this is where she psyches herself up.

Setup: Zadie gets into an altercation with her Uber driver.

Reveal: He’s revealed to be former teen star, Jasper Benjamin.

Setup: Zadie runs lines with Jasper at his callback audition.

Reveal: She’s offered the part instead.

ACT 2:

Setup: Jasper storms in unannounced and goes on a tirade against Zadie in front of all her colleagues.

Reveal: Jasper has been poached by rival agent – Emily ‘mutherfucking” Patterson.

Setup: Zadie is bemoaning the fact that clients are leaving the agency to her assistant Audrey.

Reveal: Audrey is actually Zadie’s daughter.

Setup: Paparazzi have swarmed Zadie’s office building. She thinks they’re there for her clients.

Reveal: They’re actually there for Zadie – her film is a smash and she’s an overnight sensation.

Setup: A paparazzi makes a snide comment about Zadie’s curvaceous body and the video goes viral.

Reveal: She’s offered a Weight Watchers contract.

Setup: Zadie is photographed kissing comic Ledicia Harding.

Reveal: People assume she’s gay and she’s embraced by the LGBTQ+ community for succeeding in a role meant for a male actor.

ACT 3:

Setup: Zadie is fired from her agency.

Reveal: She refused to sign the Weight Watchers contract.

Setup: Zadie is nominated for a major acting award.

Reveal: She’ll turn it down in Act 4.

Setup: Jasper starts a chat show from his cab and his first guest is Ledicia.

Reveal: Zadie is “outed’ as straight.

ACT 4:

Setup: Zadie wins the award.

Reveal: She turns it down, saying it should have gone to Jasper.

Setup: Zadie walks past her new agency ZHA – Zadie Haygate & Associates, kisses Billy the paparazzi who called her fat and hands him an envelope of cash.

Reveal: Turns out Zadie orchestrated the paps that night.

Setup: In her new office, Zadie’s on the phone congratulating her client Ledicia on her comedy special.

Reveal: Zadie recruited Ledicia into her big scheme.

Setup: Jasper arrives, and the pair immediately start passionately kissing. He’s just landed the lead in an action trilogy.

Reveal: Zadie and Jasper became lovers. Zadie decided to leverage her impending fame, to hoodwink Hollywood and finally get them both what they wanted.

[H. Vince]

H. Vince’s Reveals!

WIM Module 4 – 2023

Lesson 6: What Do You Reveal and When?

My Vision: I am going to be a professional screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I found this assignment more helpful for working through the story. It’s just making some decisions along the way of what’s to happen before or after that I need to work out.

TITLE: DREAM VACATION

GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER

MAIN CONFLICT:

James starts developing dementia while he and his wife, Clara are on their retirement vacation. Clara has to take care of James and try to bring him back to the U.S. all while trying to figure out what happened to her husband.

ACT 1: VACATION AND MEMORY LOSS

SETUP: Boarding plane, smiling, excited, holding hands, saying they can’t believe it’s finally here, tells Clara he planned a couple of good surprises.

REVEAL: A couple is experiencing the beginning of their dream retirement vacation.

SETUP: James starts acting strange, forgetful, asks where he is, asks who Clara is

REVEAL: James has what Clara thinks is dementia

SETUP: Using travel insurance to take James to a foreign doctor, doctor contacts James’s primary care doctor in the U.S.

REVEAL: James had anxiety

RIGHT HERE I FOUND A HOLE IN THE PLOT: Would the doctor recommend James stay in a facility or hospital for further testing? Would they release James to stay with Clara knowing he has severe memory loss? MAYBE NEED TO CHANGE THE STORY SO THAT JAMES DISAPPEARS BEFORE THEY SEE A DOCTOR.

REVEAL: Flashback to Dr. Ria offering new edible to patients

Turning Point 1: Flashback for James when he went to visit his doctor about his anxiety.

Act 2: GO HOME AND DISAPPEARANCE

If James was released back to Clara from the foreign country doctor:

SETUP: Clara calls home to speak to her kids

REVEAL: Books a flight home

SETUP: Clara wakes up in the morning expecting to go home with James

REVEAL: James has disappeared

If James stays in the hospital or an overnight facility:

SETUP: James & Clara’s grown child books a flight to come and help

REVEAL: Grown child’s flight is delayed or cancelled

Meanwhile…

SETUP: Dr. Ria is getting anxious himself

REVEAL: Clinical trial medicine feedback pouring in

Act 3: FIND JAMES (If James doesn’t stay in the hospital or an overnight facility)

SETUP: Clara seeks help to find James

REVEAL: The police, emergency services, Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office (FCDO) and the U.S embassy are contacted. A silver alert is put out on all iphones.

SETUP: Foreign doctor looking more into how James lived before the vacation and any meds he was taking including flashback

REVEAL: Dr. Ria suggesting James take part in a clinical trial for an edible to help his anxiety

SETUP: There was a familiar happy place James visited when he was a child that he was going to take Clara to

REVEAL: James is found at this place

(If James does stay in the hospital or an overnight facility):

SETUP: Someone helps Clara find James

REVEAL: This person develops an attachment to Clara

Act 4 Climax and Resolution

SETUP: Grown child finally arrives. Clara tries and son try to take James on a plane but he is fearful for his life not knowing where he is being taken.

REVEAL: Back to the doctor for observation and rest

SETUP: Foreign doctor looking more into James’s medical history

REVEAL: The edible James took was from a clinical trial that accelerated memory loss and does not have dementia.

SETUP: James starts recognizing things

REVEAL: Cognitive abilities returning.

SETUP: Dr. Ria receives notice that he is being sued and his medical license may be in jeopardy.

REVEAL: Fights to have beforehand caretaker medical knowledge if anyone will be directly affected by a clinical trial and/or medication prescription.

SETUP: James promises to go on another vacation to make it up to Clara

REVEAL: Clara diagnosed with cancer and another dream vacation shot down

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Lloyd Shellenberger WIM M4 L6 What do you reveal and when?

One Sentence Vision: Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

What I learned from this assignment is…Setup and reveal will serve me well in knowing what goes into each scene and why. This exercise will also help me pace the exposition over strategic areas.

Title: Letters from Baghdad

Genre: Action / Drama

Genre Convention: Open with action

ACT 1: Reese, his interpreter, and his men are caught up in an act of terrorism by Al-Sadar and his crew in an open-air market in Baghdad.

Opening

Opening scene as Reese and his men patrol the market, bombs are set off and civilians die.

Setup: Reese immediately spots the daisy chained explosives. It appears as though he doesn’t.

Reveal: He is playing it cool in case there are spotters that will immediately trigger the bombs and kill all the civilians.

Reveal: After the explosions we see a flashback of Reese holding his younger brother. He is lying in the street fatally wounded from a gunshot wound.

Setup: Reese in his anger leads his men right into an ambush. One soldier is killed, Reese is to blame.

Reveal His unit holds him responsible for the Soldier’s death. Flashback: His father and mother tell Reese he killed his brother as surely as if he had pulled the trigger himself.

Setup: Reese vows to kill Al-Sadar and make him pay at all costs.

Setup: The Interpreter receives a letter denying him asylum. He tosses the letter in the trash at Reese’s unit.

Reveal Reese finds this letter and takes up his cause. We are aware the Interpreter saved Reese at the market and Reese owes him.

Act 2:

Inciting incident 2: Terrorists return to the interpreter’s home the next day. Despite the American soldiers waiting for them they are unable to stop Al-Sadar from killing the Interpreter in front of his family. The QRF intervenes and saves Reese and the family at the last moment. One soldier is killed along with a terrorist.

Setup: Reese is told information from the dying terrorist.

Reveal: Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese and his men, but he plans on killing as many soldiers as he can before it is over. This was just the beginning. Attacks are planned all over the city.

Setup: The interpreter knew who Al-Sadar was.

Reveal: That is why Al-Sadar was able to call him on the Interpreter’s cell phone. The Interpreter was too afraid to tell Reese who he was.

Act 3:

Setup: Reese volunteers for VIP protection detail. He has decided to play politics since he has nothing to lose.

Reveal: Reese reveals his plans to the visiting Dakota Congressman and asks him to sponsor the family. This infuriates the State Department since he never let on that he was going to do this. Reese shows him the denial letter.

Setup: Reese made a promise to the Interpreter if anything happened to him.

Reveal: That promise was that he would help his wife and kids at all costs.

Inciting Incident: Meanwhile, attacks in the Baghdad area have increased and another Interpreter is murdered along with several soldiers.

Setup: Somehow Al-Sadar has inside contacts within the US State department through Iraqi soldiers and officers.

Reveal: Al-Sadar discovers the widow and her children have been granted asylum. He cannot allow them to leave. Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded during the attack.

Setup: Reese and his men are staying at the Widow’s house, but it is much more than that.

Reveal: Reese has been actively seeking intel on the streets of Baghdad and through the controlling Sheik. Reese threatens to cut off the money source if the Sheik doesn’t give him a name. The Sheik gives him the informants name.

Setup: Reese figures out who the informant is and where he is at. He decides to pass on false information in order to set Al-Sadar up.

Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by the unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like his career may be over. It also looks like Al-Sadar will go Scott-Free.

Reveal: As exact information is passed on to the terrorist cell. US Army intel isolate the mole and use him to set up Al-Sadar for the final confrontation on Haifa Street. Information is passed on. Al-Sadar is isolated and confronted.

Inciting Incident: A military operations designed to smoke out Al-Sadar begins.

Setup: The final confrontation takes place in Baghdad. Al-Sadar appears to have the advantage of surprise.

Reveal: Al-Sadar has been under their noses the whole time. He does not have the advantage of surprise; in fact, it is just the opposite.

Setup: Reese and his men have one last chance to bring down Al-Sadar. In an epic street battle on Haifa Street, they find and kill him. Al-Sadar never had the advantage it was a setup the whole time.

Reveal: Flashback. Reese killed the gang members that killed his brother. It is one of the reasons he has never gone back to Brooklyn. We see this in the final scene with Al-Sadar in flashbacks.

The Widow and her children are allowed to see the father’s grave. SFC Reese and his men escort them to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.

Reveal: Reese promise he will come to see them when he gets back. There may be something there between Reese and the widow.

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL – REVEALS!

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I love set-ups and reveals and I would like to think that is one of my strong points.

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
While fishing, a fisherman reflects on all the events that have lead to his present state of determination to catch the fish that has eluded him for 25 years which he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

GENRE: DRAMA

“Fishing is the art of lying convincingly about the size of the fish that got away.” -Unknown

ACT 1
PRESENT DAY:
Hints: “No swimming” sign.

John PJ 2:

John puts the boat in the water.
Respectfully places Jim’s fishing hat on the seat where Jim would be sitting if Jim were there.
Heads for “The Spot”.
Everything is reminiscent of the day of “The Incident”.
The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the
Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the
clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.

PRESENT DAY: Boat traveling upriver at sunrise in a remote Louisiana bayou.

John PJ 3:

Arriving at “The Spot”, John is very much “in-tune” with his surrounding and what it is he is doing.
He does everything just like he always has – just like the day of “The Incident”.

PRESENT DAY: John is tasked with getting the fishing equipment out.

JOHN DOES THINGS VERY METHODICALLY AND A SENSE OF CALM.

FLASHBACK:

JOHN IS VERY EXCITED TO BE FISHING WITH HIS DAD
Dad is task with getting the fishing equipment out.
Dad teaching John how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
Shows him how to cast.
Family is important.
PICKS UP SOME LITTER – DON’T BE THAT PERSON THAT LITTERS

PRESENT DAY: John fishing.

FLASHBACK:

JOHN INSISTS JIM TO BE CALM THOUGH JIM ALREADY IS
John teaching his younger brother how to tie a fisherman’s knot.
Teaches Jim how to cast – takes on that FATHER ROLE MODEL.
John tells Jim about their dad and how he taught John how to fish.
Bonding between John/Jim – GIVES JIM SOME FISHING QUOTES
Family is so important.
PICKS UP SOME LITTER – DON’T BE THAT PERSON THAT LITTERS
JOHN POINTS OUT THE LIFE PRESERVERS – SAFETY FIRST.
2 THINGS – SAFETY – and FUN.
JIM’S NOT A GOOD SWIMMER – SINKS
John’s focus is on fishing – TOTALLY ENGAGED ON FISHING.
Jim’s focus is on nature, the birds in particular.

Influences Surface Story:

A picture of Grandpa in the tackle box
Grandpa caught a massive catfish
John wants to be like Grandpa.

Influences Surface Story:

John catches a good size catfish – THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE!
Knows there are “bigger fish to fry” down there.
Tells Jim “not to worry, there are plenty of fish.”
They’ll come back tomorrow.
John closes the tackle box.

PRESENT DAY: John sees the picture of Grandpa in the tackle box.

FLASHBACK: John entering the garage to get his fishing equipment

Plan In Action:

John is gathering his fishing equipment; Fishing Pole, Tackle Box,
Gloves, Spear, Etc.John sees a photo of his Grandfather with a huge
catfish and wishes he could be successful like him.
JOHN TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN HIS GRANDPA’S SUCCESS.
John gathering equipment – Wife and Billy enter.
Wife reminds John of his failures – nothing to show for his past attempts – sowing doubt.
Wife thinks John should give up and spend time with their son –
tries to redirect John and have him focus on the present and not the
past.
LOVES HIS SON BUT THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE HIM; TOO YOUNG
John finds encouragement to counteract the negativity displayed by his wife –
Wife suggests trying a different bait – John replies, “NEVER!!!” Wife suggestions are contradictory to John’s beliefs.
Wife mentions John’s father running off, never to be heard from again – he’s not going to do that is he?
DEFENDS HIS FATHER’S REPUTATION AND DIVERTS THE SUBJECTS

Hints: The mysterious disappearance of their father.

ACT 2
PRESENT DAY:

John kicks back, enjoying his surroundings…

The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the
Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the
clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.

FLASHBACK:
John PJ 1:

Jim is enjoying the surrounding – NOTICES THE BIRDS.
John is focused on fishing, hoping to catch something, anything.
The brothers are fishing again, not having much luck.
Jim catches a “StIck Bass” – BOTH BROTHERS JOKE ABOUT THIS
Jim gives up on fishing because of the “Stick Bass”.
John reels his line in and his hook is empty.
They have run out of bait.
Not giving up, John decides to try chicken from their sandwiches
that their mom packed – something special she said, they might like.
Jim gives John a hard time about switching bait to chicken – likely to catch a ‘gator with it –
John’s determined to catch something before going home.

Inciting Incident:

John catches a “BIG ONE”!!!
John struggles as he tries to reel in “The Fish”.
Jim wants John to cut the line and let it go.
John refuses – THIS IS IT!!! John’s determination to catch this fish kicks in!!!
Jim is worried as he watches John as John tries with all his might to reel the fish in.
John gets pulled into the water.
JIM LOOKS AT THE KNIFE BY THE LIFE PRESERVERS – GRABS THE KNIFE
Jim dives into the water with a knife and cuts the line.
John emerges from the water and gets back into the boat.
Jim never resurfaces.

Turning Point:

John is left all alone in the boat with the realization Jim is gone – DEVASTATION!

ACT 3
PRESENT DAY: John fishing

FLASHBACK:
Reaction:

Since “The Incident”, John has gone fishing for “The Fish” for 25 years.
Jim’s photo hangs in the garage and is a constant reminder of his failure at redemption!
John takes the photo down and holds it in deep in thought – we know what he is thinking by the look on his face.
Midpoint Turning Point:
John uncovers Jim’s fishing hat and packs it.
The hat reinforces John’s determination to seek revenge and avenge Jim’s death!
Influences Surface Story:
Jim’s disappearance after cutting the fishing line. Much like
cat-and-mouse – this is a catfish-and-man – one individual trying to
outmaneuver the other for 25 years.

PRESENT DAY: John fishing

FLASHBACK:
Rethink:

Stopping at a gas station/trading post, an old-timer recalls a
fishing tale about the Native Indians who spoke of catfish so large one
catfish could feed a village.
John listens intently trying to decide if there is any truth to what the old-timer is telling him.

Hints:

The Old-Timer’s tale of the Native Indians catching catfish so big they could feed a village.

Fish AJ 1:

“The Fish” have been eating fisherman for a long time.

New Plan:

John buys some dog chain, a javelin-like spear and a whole routtsierre cajun chicken.

PRESENT DAY:
Turning Point:

John reels his line in and finds an empty hook and he’s out of bait.
Frustration sets in.
John has the same results that he has had for the past 25 years.
John grows weary.JOHN HAS A CONVERSATION WITH JIM
John takes Jim’s fishing hat and places it on his head for good luck.
JIM TELLS JOHN HE DOESN’T HAVE TO DO THIS
JOHN SAYS HE DOES

ACT 4
New Plan:

John decides to try the whole rotisserie cajun chicken he picked up from the gas station/trading post as bait.

Fish AJ 5:

John changes bait to rotisserie cajun chicken and “The Fish” knows that it is John.

Fish AJ 6:

“The Fish” takes the bait and the power struggle begins, ultimately ending with “The Fish” and John face-to-face.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

John hooks “The Fish” and the power struggle begins, many of the
same tactics “The Fish” used when he was a kid are used again, but John
is prepared for each one of them.
JOHN SEES THE KNIFE – MOMENT OF TRUTH – DECIDES TO END THIS ONCE-AND-FOR-ALL
He manages to reel “The Fish” in; just a little closer so he can harpoon it with his spear.
Face-to-face with “The Fish” John sees that he has indeed managed to catch the biggest catfish in Louisiana history!!!
John then realizes, “I’m the one you were after – I’m the One That Got Away!”

Resolution:

Leaning over the edge of the boat, John is engulfed by “The Fish”
thus leaving an empty fishing boat floating in the midst of the water.
Jim’s fishing hat floats a short distance away from the boat.

CREDITS ROLL

Fish AJ 7:

“The Fish” eats hat.

[Melissa Barreca]

Melissa Barreca’s Reveals!

My vision: Melissa Barreca is one of the most sought after writers in the movie industry because of the artistry of her writing, professionalism and exceptional ability to tell important, entertaining, joyful, and heartbreaking stories that inspire audiences and become legendary classics.

What I learned…I wonder if there is such a thing as too many layers? I don’t want to totally confuse the audience with all of these competing motivations. But the story layers and reveals are interesting and helping tremendously to strategically build the story to be logical and emotional.

Torn Away — Beat Sheet, with Reveals

Genre: Drama

Act 1: Coming to America…a dream quickly becomes a nightmare.

Foreshadowing: Clover Field, Kids playing, Singing, Suddenly stopping at the sight of dead, emaciated bodies on the edge of the field…NORAH WOUND SET UP

Empathy/Character Intro Protagonist, Norah Murphy – An immigrant family helps their daughter and son-in-law pack and depart for America. NORAH ABILITIES SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

PJ1 Norah – Arrival at port; beginning journey to America. NORAH ABILITIES SET UP NORAH WOUND SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

Wretched arrival in NYC/Ellis Island. Chaos; the family is worn and emaciated from a hard journey; expectations are shattered. NORAH ABILITIES SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

Mick meets them at the gate. Empathy/Character Intro, Antagonist, Mick Kilcullen; MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND SET UP

PJ2 – Settling in a new land. Arriving in the Five Points, the stench is unbearable and the new family is appalled at the pitiful sight of poor beggars and street children everywhere. NORAH ABILITIES SET UP MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP/ MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

Meet key neighbors/introduce supporting characters. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

We see the adoption agents working on the street with poor children. NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK WOUND SET UP

Arrival at the apartment. They are saddened by the bare room with dirt everywhere, but neighbors continue to pour in with offerings of a bit of food or a shawl or blanket to welcome them and it warms their hearts. NORAH ABILITIES SET UP MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD NORAH WOUND SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND SET UP

Tenement Life…Doyle arrives home after dark, covered in dirt and pitifully exhausted. They discuss bringing in subleases to help pay the rent, but Doyle is against it. DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

A baby girl is born. PJ3 – Norah, Doyle and their many neighbors celebrate the birth of this new child and also share their plight. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND SET UP

AJ2 – Turning Point: A night at the local parlor and too much whiskey leads Mick and Doyle into a fight. Doyle into a bad deal that leads him into trouble with criminals who beat him and leave him for dead. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND REVEAL

PJ4 – Inciting Incident – Mick comes to Norah and tells her that Doyle is “killed at the factory.” NORAH ABILITIES SET UP MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

He immediately tries to make advances on Norah, which is totally inappropriate and she tells him so. MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND PAYOFF

We see Norah working as a garment maker in her home and it is brutal and low paid labor. Her older child is talking in his sleep to his daddy, and asking him why he died and came back. NORAH WOUND REVEAL NORAH BROKEN/MOURNING/TRAPPED/DEPRESSED DOYLE CUNNING/SECRETIVE/EVIL

AJ3 – Mick comes to her aid. Mick offers help to Norah but it is clear from his advances that he wants to take the place of Doyle. He is overbearing and gruff and impatient with her efforts at independence. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD /MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP MICK WOUND PAYOFF

Neighbors come to the aid of the family as they are able but it is hard times for all. M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

Mick does not approve and tells her that her kids should be sent away for a better life. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD /MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP MICK WOUND PAYOFF

One of the subleasers comes down with a horrible cough. The sickness spreads. NORAH WOUND SET UP

PJ6 – Turning Point: Norah loses her infant daughter to cholera. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

Act 2: Better Off

PJ1 – Starving and Freezing – Norah is resisting full reliance on Mick and has only taken his charity, but it is not enough to help her feed her children and keep their apartment heated in New York’s brutal winter. They have begun to burn some furniture and old clothing for heat. But his gifts always come with whiskey and romantic advances. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK WOUND PAYOFF

Mick treats the children horribly and is possessive over Norah. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP / MICK WOUND PAYOFF

Mick forces himself on Norah. He makes it clear that he is not looking to get married. Norah doesn’t dare make a sound or stop him because the children are nearby and she doesn’t want them to be hurt or know. MICK OCD DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP MICK WOUND PAYOFF

She begins to drink at the grocery in their building. At first it’s just a drink or two. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF MICK WOUND PAYOFF

AJ1 – Killing Themselves – Mick is losing patience with Norah’s insistence on keeping the children and tells her that she is selfish for keeping her children and he gaslights her into believing that she is choosing to make them suffer when they could have a perfectly good life elsewhere. Norah drinks some more and cries. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

Mick reports the kids to a local charitable group because he says he is worried about them. We see Mick call them, but Norah doesn’t know it was him. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK OCD /MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

PJ2 – A home visit by the Children’s Home Society sees Norah being convinced that she is abusing her children by keeping them when the workers find that she has been drinking. She resists the call to give them up for adoption. MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

Mick is shown to be withholding his money from providing food and clothing to the kids, but Norah is unaware of how much money he is not sharing and how much he spends at the saloon. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF MICK TRUE NATURE SET UP / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

AJ2 – Taken In – as the children beg, Mick has had enough. He takes them to the local foundation and tells the workers they need to be adopted. MICK TRUE NATURE REVEAL / MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

He tells Norah the kids were taken off the street. She doesn’t know he was involved. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

PJ3 – Norah is summoned. She is drinking again. She tearfully agrees and believes she has no choice but to let them go. MICK OCD /MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

Norah brings the children to the charity and surrenders them. The separation is agonizing. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF NORAH WOUND SET UP MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

PJ4 – Norah spirals into a dark place. Dependent on Mick, without her children, she increasingly hits the bottle and submits to Mick’s will in exchange for his shelter and food. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF / MICK OCD /MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

She gets pregnant and miscarries. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

Midpoint: A chance meeting with an old neighbor at the grocery bar who “was surprised she allowed Mick to take her beautiful children away” causes Norah to become aware that she was manipulated by Mick. NORAH WOUND SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

AJ3: Mick has made Norah his own. We see their domestic “bliss” play out with Norah going through the motions as his “wife” and Mick telling her that she is not good enough. MICK OCD / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

PJ4/Turning Point 2 – A Spark Moment – Mick nonchalantly tells Norah he has sold her wedding veil to pay for some whiskey. She is heartbroken and something in her snaps and she sees him for who he is. We see her take the last bit of whiskey in her glass and pour it into the chamber pot. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF / M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

PJ5 – Plan in action – Norah secretly meets the adoption agent who knows about her children. We have seen this man at work with the children and we know he is good. NORAH ABILITIES

PJ6 – Norah talks with a trusted neighbor and hatches a plan. She cannot support the kids. Her adoption agent has assured her that the kids are happy in a home of wealthy and loving parents. NORAH ABILITIES DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

Adoption agents contact parents who adopted Norah’s children to discuss reuniting them. M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

PJ7 – Another meeting with the Adoption agent reveals that the family is looking for a domestic and he can get her the job. This seems too good to be true. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF

AJ4 – Rage – Mick follows Norah to the adoption agency and finds out Norah has been plotting. When she arrives at their apartment, he threatens her life and flies off the handle in a drunken rage. He wants her to himself. He doesn’t want the children in their lives. MICK TRUE NATURE / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

PJ8 – Placated again – Norah calms Mick with more whiskey and swears that she doesn’t want her children. He passes out. NORAH WOUND SET UP

Act 3: Flown the Coop

AJ1 – Missing – Mick awakes to find that Norah is gone. He breaks the few items of furniture they have in a fit of rage. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

Norah is at the adoption agency and talking with children as she waits to meet her contacts. It is bittersweet. NORAH WOUND

PJ1 – Orphan Train – Norah is boarding a train with adoption agents and children that are to be adopted, they have offered to bring her along on the journey in the hopes of reuniting her with her children. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF

PJ2 – Norah helps orphan children, rediscovering her motherhood instincts – She helps the children at two stops of the train before getting to the town where her children have been adopted. NORAH WOUND PAYOFF

Turning Point 3: Norah is reunited with her children. NORAH WOUND PAYOFF DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP

AJ2 – Mick has gone off the deep end. He is back in the neighborhood looking for Norah. When Mick finds her friend with information, he interrogates her and ends up killing her. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP, <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP SET UP

Act 4: Revenge and Fear

Act 4 Major Shift: Norah is working in the yard alone and is grabbed from behind and dragged off into a barn. We do not see her assailant. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF

PJ1 – Climax – Norah fights back. In the barn, it’s an all out brawl in the dark. The attacker fiercely beats her and attempts to tie her up. Major Reveal: The subdued Norah is tied and she is dragged into the light. Her attacker is Doyle. NORAH WOUND PAYOFF DOYLE TRUE NATURE SHOCKER

AJ1 – Mick arrives in a carriage to take Norah back to New York. MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF / MICK HIDDEN AGENDA SET UP

The men discuss the exchange. We find out that Doyle was the reason that she was “given” to Mick. He has returned to find her and bring her back to Mick. M/D TRUE RELATIONSHIP REVEAL

Norah questions them. Doyle is the ultimate traitor who exchanged his wife for passage to America and a fresh start, he disappeared with the help of Mick and has left his family to suffer. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF MICK TRUE NATURE PAYOFF NORAH WOUND CLIMAX

AJ2 – The disillusioned Mick still believes that Norah will go back with him and believes that he has won the battle, she is too weak to fight back. He tries to take Norah into the carriage, but she is able to push him onto a pitchfork and kills him. MICK HIDDEN AGENDA PAYOFF

AJ3 – Doyle is backed into a corner. He admits that he has been tracking her since she left, lurking in the shadows, waiting for his moment. DOYLE TRUE NATURE SET UP MICK WOUND PAYOFF

He cries out in sorrow and tells her he is also sorry for her sister. He confesses that he knows what happened to her sister and that Mick caused her accident and lied. She drowned and they never told anyone. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF / NORAH WOUND CLIMAX DOYLE TRUE NATURE REVEAL

PJ3 – The family runs to the barn. They see the carnage of Mick, and the cowering pathetic Doyle, and the glassy-eyed Norah and rush to her aid.

The husband subdues Doyle and summons the police. DOYLE TRUE NATURE REVEAL

Police are cart away Doyle and telling the group that he is a wanted man. DOYLE TRUE NATURE REVEAL

The family agrees to allow Norah and the kids to stay, and Norah can raise them as part of one big extended family. NORAH ABILITIES PAYOFF

Final scene – The adoption agent is visiting the family in the yard. He sips tea with the family as the kids run through emerald fields laughing and singing with Norah by their side. NORAH WOUND RESOLUTION

[Veronica Turowski]

Veronica Turowski’s Reveals!

What I learned from doing this assignment is most of scene’s work. There are a few that need more work. I added a scene to throw off the audience, so they don’t think the killer is Hayden.

My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts yearly and then sells them to producers who create my vision for the big screen.

Concept: After a professional mourner is told by a ghost during his funeral that he was murdered by a serial killer, she tries to prove him wrong so he can pass over, only to discover that she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.

Title: Grave Justice

Genre: Supernatural Thriller

ACT 1: Lonnie is checking the chemicals in the church baptismal. The lights go out. A man attacks him. Lonnie is pushed headfirst into the church baptismal, breaks his neck and drowns. The police consider it an accident.

Hayden AJ 1: Hayden kills Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie is killed by Hayden.

DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie is a couple of years older than Hayden. He was in seminary school while Hayden was finishing high school. Lonnie’s younger brother killed himself when he became possessed. Lonnie persuaded Hayden’s friends to get out of a Satanic cult and turn to Jesus, but Hayden was already possessed. Hayden kills Lonnie because he felt Lonnie betrayed him.

SETUP: Hayden, who is the serial killer, knows Lonnie from twenty years ago. Hayden has since carried a grudge. Revealed in the Climax.

SETUP: Lonnie becomes a ghost who helps Eppsa.

Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa attends Lonnie’s funeral. She talks to Lonnie, but when he tells her he was murdered by a serial killer, she panics, realizes he’s a ghost, and runs off. Lonnie chases her. She crosses the street and looks back to see if he’s still following her. When he’s in the middle of the street, he’s about to be hit by an ice cream truck but disappears instead.

Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa he needs her help since she is the only one who can see him. He needs justice for the victims and himself so he can pass over. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim. When she flees, he chases her but vanishes as he is hit by an ice cream truck driven by Hayden.

SETUP: Eppsa is ghost but doesn’t know it. Revealed in the Climax.

DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie knows that Eppsa is a ghost, but Eppsa doesn’t know she’s dead. He needs her since she can interact with the world.

REVEAL: Lonnie is a ghost.

Hayden AJ 2: Hayden and his 15-year-old son drive down the road with their music playing in the ice cream truck as they head to a neighborhood.

Eppsa PJ 2: Eppsa nervously talks to her neighbor for advice. The neighbor suggests talking to her clairvoyant friend, Clover.

SETUP: Eppsa’s neighbor is a ghost. Revealed in the Resolution.

INCITING INCIDENT: Eppsa talks to Clover and encounters an evil spirit.

Eppsa PJ 3: Eppsa is visiting a clairvoyant, Clover. She asks Clover to help her find Hayden. Eppsa is unaware that Clover only senses her presence as a ghost. Clover can’t locate Hayden just like in the prior sessions because he’s not dead. She senses an evil spirit in the room. Clover wants to know if Eppsa has seen any ghosts. Eppsa, embarrassed, lies and says no. Clover tells her to be cautious because an evil spirit is trying to attach itself to her. An evil spirit interrupts them by causing chaos. Both are afraid. Clover falls ill, and Eppsa leaves the store, unaware of the supernatural events about to unfold.

SETUP: The evil spirit is her dead husband. He appears multiple times and scares Eppsa. Revealed at Turning Point 3.

SETUP: Unless Eppsa talks to Clover or other ghosts, no one else can’t see or hear her. They can sense her and hear phone static.

Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie scares Eppsa when he appears in her house. He tells her the name of the next victim before vanishing.

Eppsa PJ 4: Eppsa is terrified when Lonnie appears in her house. She thinks he’s the evil spirit trying to attach himself to her. Terrified, she begs him to leave. When he doesn’t leave, she throws things to scare him away.

TURNING POINT 1: Eppsa discovers the next victim’s name Lonnie gave her was real.

Eppsa PJ 5: In the obituary, Eppsa is shocked when she reads the name of the man Lonnie gave her.

ACT 2: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to talk to Lonnie. She’s given another victim’s name.

Eppsa PJ 6: Still wary and afraid, Eppsa, armed with things to ward off evil, goes to the cemetery for answers. She wants to know if he can see into the future or talk to humans because she wants to know about Hayden.

Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie laughs at Eppsa’s evil eye necklace, etc. and apologizes to her for scaring her. He doesn’t know anything about Hayden. He tells her the name of the next victim, but he doesn’t how the victims are connected. The serial killer is smart, tricky and vindictive.

SETUP: Hayden is the serial killer who is smart, tricky, vindictive, and possessed by a demon. Revealed in Climax.

Hayden AJ 3: Hayden watches the news and sees another death by someone trying to do a TikTok challenge. It’s becoming an epidemic.

Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa reads the name of the victim Lonnie gave her. She calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She tries again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The cop only hears static on the phone because she’s a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 8: Eppsa is at the police station waiting to talk to someone. The cop tells her to wait on a bench and to be patient. She checks her watch because she has a funeral to attend. A cop points in her direction and motions her over. She passes by Hayden who is in a chair.

Hayden AJ 4: Hayden is at the police station to receive an award for trying to save someone. His wife and son are proud of him. Hayden shivers when Eppsa’s spirit passes him. He asks if the news is real saying all the recent deaths are from TikTok challenges.

SETUP: Hayden can sense Eppsa’s spirit. Reveal in the Climax.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him. He killed the person but made it look like he was trying to save them. He feels the spirit of his mother when she passes him.

Eppsa PJ 9: From across the room, Eppsa hears a cop yell to Hayden for his good work. She turns from the cop that supposedly called her over and rushes after Hayden, but he and his family are out the door. She overhears cops standing at their car say these last few deaths were because they tried dangerous TikTok challenges.

Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie appears outside the police station. He watches Eppsa run out. He goes and tells her there’s going to be another victim, but Eppsa tells him to leave her alone. She tries to do it quietly, so no one thinks she’s crazy talking to herself. She explains there’s no serial killer, just people dying from TikTok challenges. She’s late for a funeral and he needs to stop scaring her and pass over. She walks away before he says the next victim’s name. She wants nothing to do with him.

Hayden AJ 5: Hayden volunteers at a homeless shelter. He passes out ice cream to everyone. He talks to an old high school friend who lives at the shelter. Hayden tells him they should get together next week.

SETUP: Hayden volunteers to make him look good while finding victims. This friend is going to be another victim. Reveal in the Climax.

Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie summons a bored little girl at a funeral to come over to him. He wants her to pass a message on to Eppsa. The next victim is a church member.

SETUP: The little girl might be a ghost, but I don’t know yet.

Eppsa PJ 10: Eppsa is late to a funeral. A little girl from the funeral comes up to her before she’s at the gravesite to tell Eppsa what Lonnie told her. (I don’t know if the little girl is alive and can see ghosts or if she is also a ghost.) Eppsa rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer to check on them. Pastor Palmer McKee catches her in the office. She apologizes and leaves.

SETUP: Pastor Palmer McKee is a ghost. Revealed in the Resolution.

Hayden AJ 6: Hayden and Evren sell ice cream in a ritzy neighborhood. He plays classical music for the parents but jokes around with the kids, making him respectful yet fun to everyone.

Eppsa PJ 11: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is unlocked. She goes inside and sees the woman dangling. The woman’s husband enters the front door, walks into the kitchen to find his dangling wife. Eppsa runs.

Hayden AJ 7: Hayden throws Evren an early birthday party before school starts. One of the kids’ parents was Hayden’s friend from school and will be another victim.

SETUP: Hayden’s friends is going to be one of his victims.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden discovers a dad of Evren’s friend was one of his high school friends who moved back to town.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Eppsa talks to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is the evil spirit.

Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa turns to Clover to see if she can help reveal the name of the serial killer. Clover can’t help her. She says an evil presence is in the room. Lonnie appears. Things fly. Eppsa tells Clover she’s being haunted by Lonnie’s evil spirit and to get rid of him. Clover’s face is scratched. She runs off.

Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie talks to Eppsa when she is with Clover. Clover can’t hear him.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The evil spirit is Eppsa’s dead husband, not Lonnie.

Hayden AJ 8: Hayden and Evren serve ice cream at the soup kitchen.

SETUP: Hayden’s searching for his next victim.

Eppsa PJ 13: When Eppsa’s neighbor walks over, Eppsa hears a crash outside her house. She rushes to see. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young woman disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door after her neighbor enters. An evil spirit comes after them. The neighbor flees. Eppsa hides. She hears a crash upstairs. She goes upstairs and finds a picture on the floor and an amulet hanging on the wall in Hayden’s old room.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The ghost who is haunting Eppsa, which is her ghostly husband, wants her to find the amulet.

Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie talks to a victim who wants to pass over but can’t. There might be several people that can’t pass over.

Hayden AJ 9: Driving in a poorly lit neighborhood in his ice cream truck, Hayden creeps along as he follows a man in a dark hoodie. The guy seems nervous and acts weird. Hayden follows him around another corner. The man starts to run. Hayden calls out. It’s his old friend with whom he got reacquainted with at Evren’s party. Hayden gives him a ride home.

ACT 3: Eppsa discovers Hayden was friends with all the victims and fears he is on the list. Lonnie helps Eppsa realize she’s a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa has a nightmare about her husband killing Hayden and himself. She tells her neighbor about the recurring nightmare.

Hayden AJ 10: Hayden is attacked or mugged by someone. He’s outside the soup kitchen or homeless shelter when it happens. He goes to the hospital.

SETUP: This is to throw everyone off that Hayden is the killer. Reveal is in the 3^rd Act or Climax? It might be a homeless person, a real killer, or one of his later victims.

Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa meets with Clover to get rid of Lonnie. Lonnie materializes during the session. An evil entity causes havoc. Clover says it’s not Lonnie, but a different and sinister spirit.

Lonnie PJ 9: Clover senses Lonnie and realizes he’s a good spirit who just has unfinished business. Eppsa needs to listen to him. Lonnie gives her the name of the next victim.

Hayden AJ 10: Hayden is at a bar with his homeless friend. They walk out of a bar and stop in a park. Hayden tells his friend that when Evren goes back to school, his friend could help sell ice cream for cash to get off the street. The friend says he’s had a rough life after they joined the cult. He never truly believed in Jesus and doesn’t believe in Satan. Hayden assures him Satan is real; just look at the world we live in.

Eppsa PJ 16: Eppsa encounters Hayden on the street when he’s drunk and hanging out with his homeless friend. Hayden sees Eppsa’s ghostly form. He yells at her thinking she’s a real woman who resembles his mom. He’s angry that his mom was weak and wasn’t there for him. She was the reason the family was torn apart. He passes out on the bench. Eppsa cries.

REVEAL: Deep down, Hayden is hurt by the loss of his parents.

Eppsa PJ 17: Eppsa sees the obituary with the face of the homeless man who was with Hayden the day before. He has a tattoo that resembles the amulet. She looks through Hayden’s yearbook. The homeless man went to his high school. Eppsa is touched that there is a picture of a girl with a heart around her. An evil spirit creeps through her house. It closes a door. She thinks it’s Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie manifests at her house, scaring her. He sees the amulet. He’s never seen anything like it. Eppsa tells him it’s an amulet Hayden had for protection and it’s also a tattoo on one of the victims.

Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa attends the funeral of the woman she saw hanging. She realizes it’s the woman in Hayden’s yearbook with a heart around her picture. Eppsa apologizes to Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie and Eppsa talk after the funeral. She thinks there’s a link with Hayden’s high school friends. She believes the killer is after kids that attended Hayden’s school. She wants to find the killer to protect Hayden.

REVEAL: The people killed were high school friends.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa feels Hayden’s life is in danger by the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 11: Hayden receives a key to the town. His wife, Neta, and Evren are proud of him, too.

Eppsa PJ 19: Eppsa talks to Clover trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. She also wants to speak to her dead husband, thinking he might be able to help her find Hayden since they were close. An evil spirit interrupts and shatters her crystal ball.

Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie is inside Eppsa’s house. He snoops through her stuff. He does something that makes Eppsa question his honesty or something.

Hayden AJ 12: Hayden kills someone in the back of the ice cream truck, while Evren is in front. Hayden shows Evren a gun and says he was protecting himself. He doesn’t want to tarnish his reputation, so they can’t tell anyone.

REVEAL: Hayden is truly demonic and will kill anyone without remorse.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is grooming Evren.

Eppsa PJ 20: She finds a Satanic book hidden in the wall of her bedroom closet behind her husband’s clothes which are still in there.

SETUP: Eppsa’s husband was a Satanist. Revealed in Climax.

Hayden AJ 13: Hayden encounters a malevolent, ghostly presence at his house. It does something that reminds him of his dad.

TURNING POINT 3: Eppsa is despondent and realizes the people dying all had been part of a Satanic cult. She now believes her husband is the ghost killing everyone.

Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman crying while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. It is the name of the teenager who killed himself after joining the Satanic cult.

SETUP: The grandson killed himself after joining the cult with Hayden.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The grandmother is a stuck spirit who is waiting for justice.

Lonnie AJ 13: Lonnie tells Eppsa to look to see if Hayden’s phone number is in the church registry.

Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa attends the funeral of the homeless man. She goes into the church and finds Hayden’s number. She talks to the Pastor Palmer McKee. She wants him to pray for Hayden’s safety.

Hayden AJ 14: Hayden and Evren make their rounds in the ice cream truck. They park across the street from the church where Eppsa sees them.

Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa calls and runs after Hayden and Evren, but she can’t catch up.

Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie finally talks to Clover because he’s worried about Eppsa.

Hayden AJ 15: Hayden and his family are celebrating something around a bonfire with a group of people. Hayden escorts Evren along with the other men into the woods. Evren comes out wearing an amulet. He proudly shows it off to his mom.

SETUP: Hayden introduces Evren to his Satanic cult, although the audience will think the amulet is for protection. Reveal in Resolution.

Eppsa PJ 24: Eppsa texts Hayden. He says it can’t be her because she’s gone and ruined their family. She’s been dead to him a long time. He won’t respond to her texts. She cries. An evil spirit reveals himself as her husband. He’s angry, chases her, and knocks things over. She hides and falls asleep in the closet.

REVEAL: Eppsa is dead. The audience still might think it’s metaphorical.

ACT 4: Eppsa learns she’s a ghost and was murdered by her husband. She forces Hayden to kill himself.

Eppsa PJ 25: Eppsa is so anxious about Hayden’s safety, that she materializes in front of him at his house to tell him the ghost of his dad is killing people.

Hayden AJ 16: Hayden is doing something to the ice cream truck as a surprise for Evren’s birthday in a few days. Hayden sees his mom appear. He gets angry. He throws something at her. It goes through her. A demon steps out of Hayden. The demon morphs into her husband. He threatens to take her to Hell where she belongs. The demon says Hayden had to kill the people because they betrayed Satan. She’s confused and afraid. She says something about their old house. She disappears. The demon reenters Hayden. His eyes turn black and then returns to normal. Hayden thinks she’s gone for good.

REVEAL: Hayden is the serial killer possessed by a demon.

REVEAL: Eppsa’s husband was a Satanist.

Eppsa PJ 26: Eppsa is at the cemetery with Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 15: Lonnie takes Eppsa to her gravesite and shows her the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She realizes the nightmares were real, but she was killed and not Hayden. They both vanish.

REVEAL: Eppsa discovers she’s a ghost just like Lonnie.

Hayden AJ 17: Hayden goes to his old house. The house is now dilapidated. He enters and looks around. He goes to his old room. The picture is on the floor and the amulet is missing from the wall.

REVEAL: The house was always dilapidated, but Eppsa didn’t see it. Some of the things that scared her was from the house falling down.

Eppsa PJ 27: Eppsa appears and scares Hayden. She takes a step closer to him. Her spectral form seemingly unaffected by the physical barriers.

Hayden AJ 18: To manipulate Eppsa, Hayden talks to her like he’s a kid again and begs for forgiveness. She says he can’t kill people and get away with it. He says he can do whatever he wants.

REVEAL: She asks Hayden about Lonnie, and he tells her what happened when they were younger.

He sees the amulet that he came back to get. He grabs for it. Eppsa knocks it to the floor. He says it’s his amulet that was sanctified with his friend’s sacrificial blood. He reaches for it. She creates an unseen force around the amulet; it glows and shatters. It was to bond to his evil spirit that leaves his body. Eppsa’s energy builds as she holds him in place. The floorboard safe opens. A gun emerges. Her supernatural power overrides Hayden’s resistance. His hand involuntarily takes ahold of the gun. She seems to draw energy from his fear and vulnerability and makes him shoot himself for justice. A bigger and more malevolent, red-eyed spirit escapes Hayden, swooshes through the house, and vanishes.

REVEAL: The amulet was evil.

Resolution: Eppsa, Lonnie, and the other spirits pass over finding peace. Evren gets keys to the ice cream truck on his 16^th birthday. His fiddles with the amulet around his neck that he got with his dad at the picnic. His eye’s turn black and return to normal.

REVEAL: All the victims, who couldn’t let go, have closer and pass over.

[Adrienne Watkins]

Adrienne Watkins Reveals! Module 4 Lesson 6

My Vision: I am going to work as hard as I reasonably am able to succeed at script writing to be recognized by multiple movie producers as a skilled script writer, and to have my scripts produced worldwide.

What I have learned from this assignment layer my manuscript with structured reveals.

What is beneath the surface? Fransie is a musically inclined deaf orphan grieving her adopted mother. She meets Roy but feels he’s conceited, blows him off.

4-act structure-turning points. -Roy sees Fransie in music store moving to the beat, discovers she’s deaf. He asks his assistant Flavia, who is in love with Roy, to convince Fransie to work with him to teach her how she can feel the rhythms of music. Fransie agrees, she needs the money.

Character subtext: Fransie discovers Roy is divorced and hides his feelings through his music. Flavia makes sarcastic remarks about Fransie. Fransie dances while Roy plays the piano.

Character intrigue: Fransie sings while Roy plays piano. She reveals she contracted meningitis as a teenager and that is why she is able to sing. Flavia, Roy’s manager keeps changing rehearsal times to confuse Fransie.

Character profile: Roy vows never to marry again, he’s in love with his music, feels he will never find a wife that meets his standards. Flavia tricks Fransie into thinking Roy feels sorry for her and that’s why he’s allowing her to perform with him.

Question1 What will be revealed: Roy has fallen in love with Fransie but ignores his feelings.

Fransie does not tell Roy and Flavia she does not know where she was born or her birth parents.

Flavia and Fransie are sisters separated at birth.

Reveals at end of story.

Set up Flavia animosity toward Fransie. Roy distancing himself from Fransie. Fransie love for Roy.

Set up belongs to the final act.

[Marguerite Langstaff]

Module 5 Lesson 6: Start Act 2; 6-10 pages

MARGUERITE LANGSTAFF: THE BILLIONAIRE IN 501

Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that what is crap can eventually be done away with and that I’ll recognize it better after writing Act 2.

Activity: It is ok to race with a timer….

[Bent Hanlen]

BENT’S REVEALS

MY VISION IS FOR THIS TO A WELL RECEIVED CHRISTMAS BLOCKBUSTER

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT WAS …. I AM FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT MY CHARACTERS. LITTLE THINGS AND THEY BECOME BIG THINGS NOT ALWAYS IN A POSITIVE WAY. I AM FINDING WAYS TO DO CALL BACKS TO PREVIOUS ACTIONS.

ACT ONE – WE SEE A RUSSIAN SUB LEAVING AN ARCTIC POST WITH RED AND WHITE COLORING ON IT. THE BUILDING ON LAND IS COLORED RED AND WHITE SO WE KNOW THIS IS SANTA’S SPACE.

ON LAND SOMEWHERE, A SCOUT ELF SEARCHING FOR SIGNS OF KRAMPUS IS ATTACKED BY A PACK OF DEMONS AND ULTIMATELY KRAMPUS.

AJ – AN ELF NAMED INDIGO WITNESSES THE GENERAL TALKING TO SANTA WHO IS DRESSING FOR HIS TRAVEL TO DELIVER.

THERE IS TENSION BETWEEN THE GENERAL AND SANTA.

PJ – THE GENERAL IS DEMANDING THAT SANTA OPEN THE NORTH POLE TO MORE OIL DRILLING TO RUSSIAN, CANADA AND USA. AND SANTA REFUSES.

SET UP – THE GENERAL PUSHES FOR MORE OIL DRILLING AT THE NORTH POLE

REVEAL – THE GENERAL WANTS TO MILITARIZE THE NORTH POLE AND MAKE IT AN EQUAL THREAT TO HOSTILE COUNTRIES.

AJ – THE SCOUT SLEIGH LANDS ROUGHLY AT THE NORTH POLE WITH DEAD REINDEER AND ONLY A FEW PULLING IT. INDIGO CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HE SEES.

The driver of the sleigh is beaten and bloodied. He is slowly pulled out of a crashed sleigh unconscious.

PJ – THE GENERAL DEMANDS AGAIN THE NORTH POLE BE OPEN TO MORE DRILLING SO THEY CAN MILITARIZE THE CONTINENT.

he wants weapons. he wants it to be a part of the United Nations and with NATO because eventually it will be in their best interest to protect themselves from rogue nations.

DEEPER LAYER – THE GENERAL WANTS MORE POWER.

ACT TWO – TIME TO DELIVER PRESENTS.

Santa leads the sleighs to deliver to Ireland and Iceland and Greenland. Hours later he returns with the rest of the sleighs empty.

Hazela watches from her window as the sleighs land on the tarmac. Fresh reindeer are harnessed and the tired ones are herded to the back where the food is for them. She’s captivated. Indigo sees this and tells her it is boring to watch that stuff.

AJ – INDIGO’S SISTER WANTS TO SEE THE WORLD AND ASKS TO GO ON A SLEIGH. HER PARENTS REFUSE SAYING SHE’S TOO YOUNG. INDIGO TELLS HER THAT KRAMPUS IS OUT THERE AND IT IS TOO SCARY. NOT EVEN HE WANTS TO TRAVEL AND WILL STAY AT THE NORTH POLE.

DEEPER LAYER – INDIGO SUFFERS FROM A FEAR OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

AJ – THE GENERAL REFUSES TO TRAVEL WITH SANTA AND THE ELVES AS THEY GO TO CANADA TO BEGIN DELIVERIES AS HE FEELS HE NEEDS TO INVESTIGATE THIS ATTACK DOWN IN UNITED STATES.

PJ – SISTER HAZELA GOES TO HER ROOM AND THEN ESCAPES FROM THEIR SECOND FLOOR AND RUNS TO THE LAUNCHING AREA. INDIGO ENTERS HER ROOM TO CALL HER TO DINNER AND FINDS HER DESCENDING DOWN THE ROOF. HE TRIES TO GO AFTER HER BUT HE’S AFRAID.

Mother and Father are sitting down ready to eat and they hear Indigo calling his sister with no response.

DEEPER LAYER – HE HAS A FEAR OF HEIGHTS.

AJ- THE GENERAL INTERROGATES THE WOUNDED SCOUT ELF ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF KRAMPUS AND DETAILS.

PJ – INDIGO RUNS TO THE TARMAC. PARENTS ARE WAY BEHIND. HE BELIEVES HE SEES HIS SISTER AROUND THE SLEIGHS SO HE IS SEARCHING THE SLEIGHS. HE LOOKS IN AS MANY AS HE CAN THEN HE FALLS INTO ONE NEAREST THE STARTING LINE. IT TAKES OFF AS HE STRUGGLES TO GET OUT BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S IN THE SKY.

AJ- THE GENERAL IS SUITING UP AS THE MOM AND DAD ARE LOOKING FOR THEIR SON AND DAUGHTER. THE GENERAL AND FATHER END UP IN A HEATED DISCUSSION. WE LEARN THE FATHER WAS PREVIOUSLY SANTA SOME YEARS AGO AND KRAMPUS RIPPED OUT HIS ARM.

DEEPER LAYER – THE FATHER IS BITTER OVER LOSING HIS ROLE AS SANTA AS IT IS COVETED.

ACT 3 – SANTA AND THE ELVES DELIVER TO NORTH AMERICA WHERE KRAMPUS IS LOCATED. HAZELA IS KIDNAPPED BY KRAMPUS AND THE DEMONDS

PJ – INDIGO LEARNS THE ART OF DELIVERING PRESENTS AT THE SAME TIME SEARCHING FOR HIS SISTER. AT ONE HOUSE HE MEETS A CHILD WHO DIDN’T FALL ASLEEP.

DEEPER LAYER – HE LEARNS FROM THIS LITTLE KID THAT THEY ARE SIMILAR IN MANY WAYS.

PJ – KRAMPUS ENTERS THE HOME AND TAKES THE BOY. IN HIS SACK IS THE SISTER. INDIGO IS FROZEN IN FEAR.

ACT 4 – FINAL BATTLE

THERE IS ALWAYS ACCOUNTING OF ELVES BEFORE THEY MOVE ON TO THE NEXT NEIGHBORHOOD. INDIGO COMES UP MISSING. THEY KNOW WHERE HE WAS DELIVERING. HE IS FOUND HUDDLED IN FEAR AND THEY GRAB HIM TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE SLEIGH. THEY ALL SEE KRAMPUS ESCAPING WITH A BAG OF CHILDREN AND HAZELA INSIDE.

PJ – HE IS IN FEAR FOR HIS LIFE AND HELPLESS. THE GENERAL LANDS DOWN NEXT TO HIS SLEIGH.

AJ – THE GENERAL TAKES IN ALL THE DETAILS THAT HE CAN BY PRESSURING INDIGO FOR INFORMATION. THAT SLEIGH IS ORDERED TO TRANSFER PRESENTS TO ANOTHER FREED UP SLEIGH. AND TO TAKE INDIGO BACK TO THE NORTH POLE.

THE ELVES OBLIGE THEIR ORDER FROM THE GENERAL BUT INDIGO PROTESTS AS HE MUST GET HIS SISTER BACK.

AJ – THE GENERAL FEELS NO EMPATHY AND CONSIDERS HER A LOSS. THE SAFETY OF THE MANY OUTWEIGHS THE LIVES OF A FEW HE SAYS.

PJ- INDIGO IS IN SHOCK KNOWING HE HAS LOST HIS SISTER FOREVER.

DEEPER LAYER – THE GENERAL IS FOCUSED ON GETTING SANTA KILLED AND NOTHING ELSE.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Bent Hanlen.