Lesson 6

[Vincent Saia]

Vincent Saia

Synopsis/Hooks

It is the early days of World War II. Germany is ravaging Europe and the Japanese are cutting through China on land and the South Pacific on the sea like a knife through melted butter. America desperately needs heroes in order to win this global conflict. Greg “Pappy” Boyington, fighter pilot, alcoholic, rebel, failed husband, failed Marine is at the end of his rope but he knows he can live up to his potential and make a difference in this epic conflict if given the chance. When it seems his self-destructiveness has exhausted his chances he rallies himself through cheer will power and makes his own opportunity by creating his own fighter squadron from pilots in the replacement pool, most of whom are young green men who have yet to see combat. Under Boyington’s leadership the Black Sheep Squadron, named in honor of his rebel tendencies, becomes one of the greatest squadrons in history and Boyington becomes a top ace and earns the undying loyalty of his pilots in the process. Just when it looks as though he will be sent home to great accolades, however, he is shot down and must test his mettle against the brutality of a Japanese POW camp. This is the incredible true story of a man whose trials and triumphs embody the most popular and retold theme of all time: The hero’s journey.

I am learning to tell the story in the most compelling way, emphasizing the hooks.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Vincent Saia.

[Stephanie O'Leary]

Stephanie O’Leary’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch for TUSK

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT:

Loglines reveal the key elements of a movie and tell it in overview/story form. An Elevator Pitch reveals the core issue (main Hook) explored in the movie.

MOST UNIQUE About the Lead Character from a Big Picture Perspective:

Brie Foley is blunt and brash but brilliant, and exploring space is the siren song that has called her on the road to adventure since childhood. Practical, literal, and impatient, she seems incorrigible but is more of a cuckoo that was put in the wrong nest.

HOW TO TELL THIS in the Most Interesting Way Possible:

DILEMMA – A restless spirit, small-town limitations, elderly caregivers/grandparents.

MAIN CONFLICT – Lack of opportunities to nurture her interests and strict religious teachings try Brie’s adventurous spirit. She acts out in ways that get her arrested and endanger her grandparent’s standing and business in the community.

WHAT’S AT STAKE: Brie’s future.

GOAL/UNIQUE OPPOSITION: To escape her dead-end life and use her unique skill set to make her mark in space.

ELEVATOR PITCH: “I’m finishing a feature script called TUSK. It’s about a woman who cannot die, having been forever transformed by a fateful encounter with alien hospitality.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Stephanie O'Leary.

[Elizabeth Cochrell]

Elizabeth Cochrell – Lesson Six

What I learned from this assignment is that using hooks to write the synopsis is a great trick for getting what’s most important expressed and makes writing the synopsis much easier!

SYNOPSIS FIRST DRAFT

Although Michelle’s pole dance performance is an ethereal delight, her hatred for being thought of as a prostitute is revealed when she kicks the strip club patron and his two bodyguard’s asses when they follow her into her dressing room wanting sex for his big tips.

Meanwhile, her daughter Rebecca who was taken from Michelle long ago is now a depressed teenage rich girl whose stepmother Emily is jealous that her husband, the charmingly corrupt Mayor of Beverly Hills has a penchant for spoiling their stepdaughter Rebecca these days.

Unable to bear the stress of her stepfather Mayor Frank’s corruption and her wicked stepmom Emily constantly berating her, Rebecca finds where her biological mother Michelle lives and shows up on her doorstep in San Diego.

Rebecca is momentarily afraid when she experiences Michelle’s anger and brutality and slightly contemptuous that Michelle is a stripper, but in comparison to her stepmom Emily, Michelle is an emotional haven who turns out to be like a fun friend that does yoga, dancing and self-defense classes with her and allows her to adopt an amazing Pit Bull named Pitty and lets her start dog sitting in her back yard.

Michelle decides to get sponsored for a high-paying MMA event and becomes happier with motherhood, but Rebecca is used to sneaking around behind a mother’s (Emily’s) back and lies to Michelle to go to a party. Unfortunately, Rebecca’s new friends get her drunk high and she ends up at the police station for her kickboxing destruction of the party house. Cell phone footage of her antics goes viral on the internet and explodes her dog business.

Michelle reacts badly to Rebecca’s fuck-up, which causes Rebecca to run away with the dude Michelle warned her not to trust but she didn’t believe. Sure enough, the dude tries to sell Rebecca to traffickers but luckily her Pit Bull helps her get away and she sneaks back home to Michelle with a new respect for her.

Crooked detectives help Emily kidnap Rebecca back to Beverly Hills and tricks Michelle and Rebecca to think they don’t want to be together anymore. Michelle is so sad Rebecca is gone that she wants to flake on the MMA event but doesn’t because she has become more responsible with Rebecca’s appearance in her life.

Moments before Michelle’s fight event, Michelle finds out that Mayor Frank raped her 15 years ago while she was date drugged and that her daughter Rebecca is actually his daughter too and that Frank may be going after Rebecca sometime soon.

Michelle takes a bloody beating to win the MMA prize money, then immediately goes to rescue Rebecca from her evil stepparents and is possibly killed by Emily in the process. Pitty dishes out karmic retribution when he rips Mayor Frank’s crotch to shreds in the final showdown. As the credits roll we see the reunited mother and stolen daughter celebrate the discovery of their mission together in the grand opening of the “Angle Star’s Sacred Dog and Woman’s Retreat”

LIST OF HOOKS:

1) Although Michelle’s pole dance performance is an ethereal delight, her hatred for being thought of as a prostitute is revealed when she kicks the strip club patron and his two bodyguard’s asses when they follow her into her dressing room wanting sex for his big tips.

2) Her daughter Rebecca who was taken from Michelle long ago is now a depressed teenage rich girl who’s stepmother Emily is jealous that her husband, the charmingly corrupt Mayor of Beverly Hills has a penchant for spoiling their stepdaughter Rebecca these days.

3) Unable to bear the embarrassment of reporters publicly accusing her stepfather Mayor Frank of infidelity and her stepmom Emily constantly berating her, Rebecca finds where her biological mother Michelle lives and shows up on her doorstep in San Diego.

4) Rebecca is momentarily afraid when she experiences Michelle’s anger and brutality and repulsed that Michelle is a stripper, but in comparison to her stepmom Emily, Michelle is an emotional haven who turns out to be like a fun friend that does yoga, dancing and self-defense classes with her and allows her to adopt an amazing Pit Bull named Pitty and lets her start dog sitting in her back yard.

5) But Rebecca is used to sneaking around behind a mother’s (Emily’s) back and lies to Michelle, to go to a party. Unfortunately, Rebecca’s new friends get her so drunk high that she ends up at the police station for destroying the party house with the help of her newfound kickboxing skills learned at Michelle’s training gym.

6) Michelle’s angry reaction to Rebecca’s fuck-up causes Rebecca to run away with the dude Michelle warned her not to trust but she didn’t believe. Sure enough the dude tries to sell Rebecca to traffickers but luckily her Pit Bull helps her get away and she sneaks back home to Michelle lesson well learned.

7) Crooked detectives help Emily kidnap Rebecca back home and tricks Michelle and Rebecca to think they don’t want to be with each other anymore. Michelle is so sad that Rebecca is gone she wants to flake the MMA event but doesn’t because she has developed a better character with Rebecca’s appearance in her life.

8) Moments before Michelle’s fight event, Michelle finds out that Mayor Frank raped her 15 years ago while she was date drugged and that her daughter Rebecca is actually his daughter too and that Frank may be going after Rebecca sometime soon.

9) Michelle takes a bloody beating to win the MMA prize money, then immediately goes to rescue Rebecca from her evil step parents and is possibly killed by Emily as the Pit Bull dishes out karmic retribution when he rips Mayor Franks crotch to shreds in the final showdown.

10) As the credits roll we see the reunited teen mother and stolen daughter celebrate the discovery of their mission together in the grand opening of the Angle Star’s Sacred Dog and Woman’s Retreat.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Elizabeth Cochrell.

[Margaret Doner]

Margaret Doner Synopsis Hooks

1. The villain is a ghost and the hero is an angel.

2. Angels mess around in human’s lives.

3. Charlie’s bride dies minutes before the wedding.

4. Charlie’s guardian angel inhabits her body

5. Betsy’ ghost seeks revenge and wants her body back.

6. Betsy enlists demonic assistance to accomplish her task.

Synopsis:

A meddling guardian angel takes over a woman’s body hoping to find romance, but instead finds herself in a supernatural battle with the woman’s ghost. Annabelle is a guardian angel who puts her mission in jeopardy when she feels too much for her charge. She gets between him and his bride when she takes over the bride’s body, moments before their wedding. The bride’s ghost and a host of demons work together to oust Annabelle who has fallen in love with the groom after their wedding night, and decides she wants to stay human. Annabelle is now faced with the impossible task of letting go of Charlie while still trying to protect him from the truth, all while desperately trying to fight off Betsy’s ghostly advances. Will Annabelle be able to find a way out of this impossible situation and save Charlie from the pain and suffering that discovering the truth would bring? Or will she be forced to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect him?

[H. Vince]

H. Vince’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

Power Players – 2023

Lesson 6: Great Pitch 1: High Concepts and Elevator Pitches

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

It really is in the perspective of the person writing the hook. For example, I read one for the Wizard of Oz recently: “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.”

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective:

Her boss dangled that carrot leading her further down the rabbit hole.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma: Pat promised Sandy it would be worth her while to continue working for him until he retires.

Main Conflict: Pat has repeated door close complaint sessions that are testing Sandy’s insanity.

What’s at stake? A possible light at the end of the tunnel pay day.

Goal/Unique Opposition: Earn money

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

There’s several office relationship movies out there but this one is unique in that the closed-door sessions aren’t physical but rather mind altering.

Imagine being stuck in a white walled room day after day in a brown dreary building with someone that claims he has severe depression and that someone is your boss. You’ve tried to escape in the past, but his carrot dangling promises made you stay and every day is another cyclic day chipping away at your own sanity.

[Roger Stone]

Roger Stone’s Hook Synopsis Assignment

What I learned is that there is a terrific new way to write the dreaded synopsis.

I used a Unique Title, a female Teen Hero, a Unique Story with Wide Audience Appeal, a Unique Villain, Act Breaks, and Surprises.

My YA novel is entitled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW. My lead character, Robi (not Robin which she hates) is a 14 year-old social misfit who decides she’s old enough to stop being a wimp and stand up for herself. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a germophobic, Special Needs high school kid who tells her that he’s there to search for his missing daddy, a UFO pilot that got shot down and is part of a cover-up by the Army. When the school bully calls him a retard, Robi stands up for him and gets threatened. An earthquake hits and the bully mysteriously disappears. It’s so sudden and weird that Robi suspects Spaceman did it, that he’s an alien with the Power of Zap. But most everyone else thinks Robi, the Freakshow, did it. Unfortunately, the local sheriff is big on conspiracy theories and thinks the same thing. And he’s the bully’s father.

The Act 1 Break is here.

Fearing being sent to juvie for life, a paranoid Robi convinces Spaceman to go on the run with her while trying to find out what happened to his daddy. Then spotting his UFO being moved to Edwards Air Force Base, they follow it– hitching a ride, avoiding the Highway Patrol, and getting chased by Bots sent by who? They discover the truck is not going to Edwards but to a nearby Army Outpost where Robi’s dad used to work as an engineer. She knows he can help them get inside, but she told everyone he’d died when her parents divorced. She hates liars, but now she has to confess to Spaceman that he’s alive. She reconnects with her dad, whose new partner is surprisingly another man. An even bigger surprise is when she learns she was adopted– the child her dad had with his old college sweetheart. Since he was married at the time, her mom was so embarrassed she demanded no one tell Robi the truth. Robi also learns from her dad that the CR logo on the Bots’ caps chasing them referred to the Cattle Ranch, the other name for the Army Outpost. Then Spaceman gets arrested by the sheriff but is not taken to jail. Since rumors have it that the sheriff rents out the foreigners he arrests to the Colonel, they figure Spaceman was taken to the Outpost. Once there, they discover Spaceman’s daddy is actually alive and jailed in the brig, Spaceman being used to blackmail him into weaponizing his UFO which is also there. The Colonel’s plan is to destroy a final shipment of aliens moving to our Dimension, escaping their own plague-ridden Dimension. The delusional Colonel thinks it will appear as if he’s preventing an alien invasion and be named Commander of the futuristic Army Space Force. Spaceman is saved when the Colonel’s plan is foiled at the last moment– an earthquake hits and both the Colonel and the sheriff get zapped while Spaceman is saved. Robi thinks it’s Spaceman using his Power of Zap again but in a final twist is convinced to stop lying to herself and blocking from her memory that it’s actually her—that she’s the alien with the Power of Zap.

[Edward Etzkorn]

Ed’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

High Concept:

A teenage girl has to relive the dying moments
of children she never met, even as she struggles to deal with the demands of an
unknown entity in her own home.

Elevator:

Just finishing a horror script about a teenage
girl who has to deal with an entity inside her own home and solve the dying
issues of children she never met.

What I Learned from Lesson 6: Differences between logline, high concept, and elevator pitches; how to harrow out that single idea that will summarize the main character’s journey.