Lesson 6 Assignments

[Timothy Barley]

Cheryl,

For the next draft(s), should we track changes within the original draft? Or copy/paste into a new document and rework there as a “second draft,” subsequently creating multiple draft files? (thinking out loud as I embark upon the second draft.

[Elizabeth Dickinson]

Module 4 – Lesson 6: Problem/Solution Grid 1

Elizabeth Dickinson’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that my A story is solid, but wanted to make tweaks to my B story.

The main thing I wanted to strengthen was Sirius’ story. I’d like to add some more background to Sirius’ motivation, that he’s trying to prove something to his father about using soft power, but don’t know that the pilot is the best place to do that.

However, Sirius will return in later episodes and I wanted a greater contrast between him and soldier Cletus. I re-wrote the scene where Sirius asks the commander to give Celt greater access to the camp to establish more strongly the commander’s degree of skepticism with Sirius’ approach to educating slaves, and the fact that the commander understands a soldier like Cletus far more than he understands Sirius.

I added some more parental conflict/protest when Romans take the boys away

I also added some more lines to strengthen why Coran won’t give up on Celt, and to clarify his resistance to the rest of the tribe, in direct opposition to what Marta says.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can more easily rectify issues in my script not that I had the grid which has helped me focus on the issues that were there.

TEASER – I completely removed the first teaser attempt and found a much better place for it in the first act, and rewrote an entirely new, more engaging and enticing (with lots of mystery and open loops) teaser.

STRONGER CLIFFHANGER/A, B, & C STORIES – I recreated some of the three main story lines to work toward and into each other that ends the pilot with a bigger cliffhanger AND will subsequently help the remainder of the season and series.

Working on some other problems with midpoint (my Achille’s heel) and some basic storyline that will force me to rewrite my bible a bit.

–update 11.20–

ACT 1 – I cut and pasted Act 1 into part of the original teaser and introduced my main character quicker, setting up more plot and questions quickly, thereby also setting up Act 2 and 3 for better payoffs. Act 1 is also better cover and benefits from a stronger teaser and should lead to a better midpoint shock

ACT 2 & 3 – Recreated for my mysteries and an additional open loop. The midpoint now is much stronger than it was.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: adding changes to lesson as I continue
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that my outline has defined the Teaser and the Acts quite well, but the turning points needed to be stronger and the scenes more pointed to the turning points.

What I did for this assignment was worked on my structure, midpoint and week turning points. To work on the structure I listed one or two sentences for each Act (again) and made sure that each beat in that act fulfilled the Act’s purpose. Specifically I made it clearer how Act 2 was a cover for the real story and how the midpoint changed the covert cover in Act 2 to have Geri reeling from her new sense of freedom and empowering her to work on her impossible goal, especially because she is now on to her new plan.

I tried to make the midpoint scene in a shocking way, but not sure it does that. It does show a change in Geri from the obedient “follow the rules” Geri, who has been a cover for the fiesty Geri who is out to uncover the truth, to an exciting beginning to the start of the impossible goal which will be a necessary step to be accomplished in the real story. I made the midpoint stronger, added a few scenes that hint back to the real story, and begin to tie together the impossible goal and the real story.

[Avi K]

Avi Kapurala’s Completed P/S Grid 1

What I learned doing this assignment is: Acts 3 and 4 and their turning points were weaker than I liked, so I moved things around between acts and wrote a few new scenes.

Overall, I think my pilot is in a better place than draft 1 and I’m ready to keep improving it while fighting the negative thoughts that keep cropping up.

[Wendy Weising]

W

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Wendy Weising.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is so much harder than writing but really important.

I worked on the following:

Structure: Do my Acts Work?

Some of my acts did not have the requirements, so I added that.

Conclusion: Mystery or Impossible Goal/Mission weak

I changed the ending so that there was a clearer goal.

Weak Turning Points

I checked my turning points. One wasn’t a twist, so I changed it.

[P.G. Sundling]

I crafted the source material for 4 years and implemented improvements based on notes from several dozens of people. I had extensive feedback from two editors. I made some improvements to make a couple of things more visual for the screenplay.

I didn’t see problems, which could mean years of hard work paid off, or I’m too close to the problem to see it and only new eyes will see it.