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LESSON 7
What I learned from this lesson is the use of the term Placeholder and the term Beats.
EXAMPLE 1
OPENING:
JOLYN meets the bank agent at the door of the hospital. He hands her some documents. She takes the documents into her husband’s hospital room. She signs his name for him. She squeezes her husband’s hand as he takes his last breath.
TE 1: At work, JOLYN informs the employees that she is taking over the management of the company.
INCITING INCIDENT: TROY, the most experienced worker informs JOLYN that he wants a raise and will be quitting if he doesn’t get one.
TE 2: TROY sticks with his demands for a raise. JOLYN fires him taking him by surprise. TROY hangs his head in shame as he exits the office.
EXAMPLE 2
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
JOLYN meets the bank agent at the door of the hospital. He hands her some documents. She takes the documents into her husband’s hospital room. She signs his name for him. She squeezes her husband’s hand as he takes his last breath.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
TE 1: JOLYN meets with employees of Baldwin Ice Cream Company. She informs them that she is the new manager.
INCITING INCIDENT: TROY informs JOLYN that he wants a raise and if he doesn’t get it, he is quitting the company.
INT. JOLYN’S OFFICE – DAY
TE 2: TROY sticks to his demands for a raise. JOLYN surprises TROY by firing him. Suddenly TROY moves from being a confident employee, to a fired employee hanging his head in shame as he exits the office.
EXAMPLE 3
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
OPENING: JOLYN meets the bank agent at the door of the hospital. He hands her some documents. She takes the documents into her husband’s hospital room. She signs his name for him. She squeezes her husband’s hand as he takes his last breath.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
TE 1: JOLYN meets with employees of Baldwin Ice Cream Company. She informs them that she is the new manager.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: JOLYN reading books about managing a company wondering if she is up for the task.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: TROY informs JOLYN that he wants a raise and if he doesn’t get one, he is quitting his job with the company.
TE 2: TROY sticks to his demands for a raise. JOLYN surprises TROY by firing him. Suddenly TROY moves from being a confident employee, to a fired employee hanging his head in shame as he exits the office.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: How does she deal with the firing of TROY? Does she have a replacement? Should she reconsider her decision and give him a raise?
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This discussion was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by
Ricardo Williams.
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This discussion was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by
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EXAMPLE 4 ACT 2
OPENING: HARDY invites JOLYN to his hotel room to meet other members from the conference and sign the contract for the military contract.
TE 1: JOLYN looks at the door of the hotel room with the number 309. She knocks. The door opens slightly. JOLYN steps back realizing that HARDY is in a robe.
INCITING INCIDENT: HARDY grabs JOLYN by the arm and places a knife against her neck. He pulls her into his room.
TE 2: HARDY nervously puts the signed contract on a desk. JOLYN reads it carefully and signs it. She folds it and takes it back to her purse. She pretends she is going to kiss him. She puts her left hand on his face and draws him closer. She uses her right hand and rubs pepper into his eyes. He screams. She knees him in his testicles. He stumbles uncontrollably with his eyes inflamed and closed. She guides him to the door, unlocks it, and pushes him out of the room. She locks the door. She picks up the phone and calls the front desk.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
HARDY walks over to JOLYN for polite conversation. She smiles and shakes his hand.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT
JOLYN looks at the door of the hotel room with the number 309. She knocks. The door opens slightly. JOLYN steps back realizing that HARDY is in a robe.
INCITING INCIDENT: HARDY grabs JOLYN by the arm and places a knife against her neck. He pulls her into his room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS
HARDY nervously puts the signed contract on a desk. JOLYN reads it carefully and signs it. She folds it and takes it back to her purse. She pretends she is going to kiss him. She puts her left hand on his face and draws him closer. She uses her right hand and rubs pepper into his eyes. He screams. She knees him in his testicles. He stumbles uncontrollably with his eyes inflamed and closed. She guides him to the door, unlocks it, and pushes him out of the room. She locks the door. She picks up the phone and calls the front desk.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
OPENING: HARDY invites JOLYN to his hotel room to meet other members from the conference and sign the contract for the military contract.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY
TE 1: JOLYN looks at the door of the hotel room with the number 309. She knocks. The door opens slightly. JOLYN steps back realizing that HARDY is in a robe.
PLACEHOLDER: JOLYN thinks she is worried she is about to be raped.
INCITING INCIDENT: HARDY grabs JOLYN by the arm and places a knife against her neck. He pulls her into his room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: How should she handle HARDY? Should she scream? Should she remain calm? Should she give in to his demands?
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OPENING: Jolyn walks into the small office of the Aviation department at the airport, a stocky white male in his fifties the Aviation manager, greets her. He hands her the contracts for the concession stands.
TE 1: JOLYN announces to board members about the five airport concession stands.
INCITING INCIDENT: JOLYN receives letter from the Aviation Manager that due to changes in regulations her concession stands have not reached the standard requirement to open.
TE 2: JOLYN is stuck for 6 months paying employee salaries while her concession stands remained closed due to the airport restrictions.
EXAMPLE 2
INT. AVIATION OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN shakes the hands of the Aviation manager. He hands her the contracts for the 5 concession stands. She signs them. It’s a done deal.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: JOLYN reads letter from the Aviation Manager that due to changes in regulations her concession stands have not reached the standard requirement to open.
TE 2: Hit with new airport regulations, JOLYN spends the next six months trying to meet their standards. In the meantime, she is paying employee salaries on closed concession stands putting a financial strain on the company.
INT. AVIATION DEPARTMENT — DAY
TE 1: JOLYN shakes the hands of the Aviation manager. He hands her the contracts for the 5 concession stands. She signs them. It’s a done deal.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: JOLYN chatting with board members about the newly acquired airport concession stands.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE — DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: At work, JOLYN reads letter from the Aviation Manager that due to changes in regulations her concession stands have not reached the standard requirement to open.
INT. AVIATION OFFICE — DAY
TE 2: Hit with new airport regulations, JOLYN complains to Aviation manager about the financial impact the restrictions are having on her business. She is paying employee salaries on closed concession stands putting a financial strain on the company.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: How to deal with the financial impact of the closed concession stands? Should she panic? Write a letter of complaint? Walk out of the contract?
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ACT 3
OPENING: It’s a slumber time at the BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO. Retail sales have plummeted due to the Chicago Tribune newspaper article about crime in the Third Ward. JOLYN is looking at the pile of mail on her desk. She notices a letter from the UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE. She nervously opens the letter. That cold feeling of ear builds again.
TE 1: JOLYN announces their Entrepreneur of the Year Presidential Award to the office. It sets off loud cheers and celebration.
INCITING INCIDENT: Jolyn reads a letter that says the US government is suing her company for use of child labor.
TE 2: Jolyn against the advice from her team, Jolyn decides to fight the charges.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE – DAY
It’s a slumber time at the BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO. Retail sales have plummeted due to the Chicago Tribune newspaper article about crime in the Third Ward. JOLYN is looking at the pile of mail on her desk. She notices a letter from the UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE. She nervously opens the letter. That cold feeling of ear builds again.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY – DAY
TE 1: JOLYN announces their Entrepreneur of the Year Presidential Award to the office. It sets off loud cheers and celebration.
INCITING INCIDENT: Jolyn reads a letter that says the US government is suing her company for use of child labor.
TE 2: Jolyn against the advice from her team, Jolyn decides to fight the charges.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE – DAY
OPENING: It’s a slumber time at the BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO. Retail sales have plummeted due to the Chicago Tribune newspaper article about crime in the Third Ward. JOLYN is looking at the pile of mail on her desk. She notices a letter from the UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE. She nervously opens the letter. That cold feeling of ear builds again.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY – DAY
TE 1: JOLYN announces their Entrepreneur of the Year Presidential Award to the office. It sets off loud cheers and celebration.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: JOLYN bubbling with excitement as she tries to absorb the fact that she has won the Presidential Award.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE
INCITING INCIDENT: Jolyn reads a letter that says the US government is suing her company for use of child labor.
TE 2: Jolyn against the advice from her team, Jolyn decides to fight the charges.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Can she win a legal battle against the US government? Does she have the resources to win this battle? Should she called them up?
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ACT 4
OPENING: JOLYN is seated in her office. She writes a check to pay off Exchange Bank. The phone rings. It’s the Marketing Director Rodney Doyle of Jewel stores.
TE 1: RODNEY DOYLE informs JOLYN that JEWEL Stores will like to house Baldwin Ice Cream products nationwide.
INCITING INCIDENT: Baldwin Ice Cream company will have to come up with $100, 000 upfront for repackaging their products to meet the standards of JEWEL stores. Jolyn doesn’t have $100,000.
VIRGINIA ROGERS invests $100,000 into Baldwin Ice Cream Company giving Jolyn the money for repackaging the products.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN is seated in her office. She writes a check to pay off Exchange Bank. The phone rings. It’s the Marketing Director Rodney Doyle of Jewel stores.
TE 1: RODNEY DOYLE informs JOLYN that JEWEL Stores will like to house Baldwin Ice Cream products nationwide.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: JOLYN informs VIRGINIA ROGERS that Baldwin Ice Cream company will have to come up with $100, 000 upfront for repackaging their products to meet the standards of JEWEL stores. Jolyn doesn’t have $100,000.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
TE 2: VIRGINIA ROGERS calls to invests $100,000 into Baldwin Ice Cream Company giving Jolyn the money for repackaging the products.
INT. JOLYN ROBICHAUX’S OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN is seated in her office. She writes a check to pay off Exchange Bank. The phone rings. It’s the Marketing Director Rodney Doyle of Jewel stores.
INCITING INCIDENT: Baldwin Ice Cream company will have to come up with $100, 000 upfront for repackaging their products to meet the standards of JEWEL stores. Jolyn doesn’t have $100,000.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
PLACEMENT: JOLYN is worried she doesn’t have the money for repackaging her products to JEWEL store standards. Should she try to get another bank loan? She believes she has maxed out her chances for further loans. She is feeling stuck.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
TE 2: VIRGINIA ROGERS calls to invests $100,000 into Baldwin Ice Cream Company giving Jolyn the money for repackaging the products.
INT. JOLYN’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEMENT: Is Virginia Rogers really going to come through with her investment? What if she changes her mind? Is there anyone else to turn to?
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Ricardo Williams LESSON 10
What I’ve learned doing this lesson is how to add details to show the impact of the inciting action.
LESSON 10
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN takes JOE to the doctor’s office. He is having stomach pains. There are red spots all over his body.
DOCTOR:
Our test results show that your husband, Mr. Robichaux is allergic to mosquito bites.
JOLYN:
Doctor that is impossible. There are no mosquitoes here in April.
DOCTOR:
Let me recommend a specialist to you. They can run more comprehensive testing.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – 1971
JOE is at the hospital to have a specialist conduct a panel of test.
DOCTOR:
MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am so sorry. The test results show your husband has a rare case of Leukemia and it has progressed too far. He is going down fast and there is no medication to put it into remission. He has less than two weeks to live.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
JOLYN paces the hospital room, she gets a call. It is MR. Hayden from the office.
MR. HAYDEN (V.O):
Mrs. Robichaux, the man is here with the trucks.
JOLYN:
What man and with what trucks?
MR. HAYDEN (V.O.):
We have three new ice cream trucks here. He wants Mr. Robichaux to sign the papers.
JOLYN:
Hold on.
JOLYN turns to JOE
JOLYN (CONT’D):
Honey, what is this? There are three new trucks at our location.
JOE:
Oh, I bought three trucks, so we can expand into Wholesale.
JOLYN:
(Back to speaking on the phone).
MS. Hayden send the gentleman to the hospital and I will meet him outside.
JOLYN puts on a mask and meets the gentleman outside.
JOLYN (CONT’D):
My husband has a condition that is highly contagious so we cannot go in there. So, let me see these papers.
GENTLEMAN
Can I go in with you and have him sign them?
JOLYN
You cannot come in because my husband’s germs are contagious and will kill you, but mines will not.
The gentleman looks puzzled, but hands JOLYN the papers and she takes them into JOE’S room and she signs them. JOLYN returns the signed papers to the gentleman showing a $75,000 debt.
GENTLEMAN
OK, everything is all set. The trucks are all yours.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
A feeble JOE is lying in bed. He holds JOLYN’s hand. ZENOBIA is sitting in the corner of the room observing. JOE smiles. JOLYN looks concerned but composed.
JOE:
You are so beautiful. I love you very much. You have been a good wife and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You gave me two beautiful children and I thank you. You threw some of the best parties I’ve witnessed. I remember when you learned to cook and served me some of your worst meals (smiling). We had so many wonderful vacations the best I remember was going to the Rose Bowl game in Los Angeles. Some of the happiest moments of my life was watching you golf.
JOE squeezes JOLYN’s hand. She is sobbing and losing her composure. She is sniffing hard.
JOLYN:
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I am so sad (she is losing control as she weeps while he squeezes her hand). You are my heart and I love you. I will never forget you. I will treasure our memories every day of my life.
JOE closes his eyes for one last time.
ZENOBIA
(Screaming)
Who is going to take care of me now? Eh? Who is going to take care of me?
Jolyn puts her arms around Zenobia and they both continue to cry.
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – DAY
JOLYN lies in bed all morning. She has a pillow over her head. She is weeping silently. She can hear movements in the living room as the kids prepare to leave for school. She lacks the energy to get involved. It’s going to be another long boring day.
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – NIGHT
JOLYN
is sitting in her bedroom in the dark. She is smoking a cigarette. Cigarette
butts overflow in the ashtray. Clothes are scattered on the floor. JOLYN hears
the words, “You are running out of time,” echoing in her head. Then she hears,
“Sell the company.” Then she remembers MARY MCLEOD BETHUNE shaking her hand and
the words, “You can run your own company,” appear in her head. Then she hears
the final stanza of INVICTUS, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of
my soul.” She feels energized and ready to take matters into her own hands.
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