Lesson 7

[Madeleine Vessel]

Madeleine Vessel’s Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned doing this assignment is how to focus on individual scenes and solve problems in the following areas:

· Missed the Outline in Some Places

· Not Enough Empathy/Distress

· Character Intros not Strong

· Characters We Don’t Care About

· Weak Protagonist or Antagonist

· Characters Need More Depth

· Scenes that are Not Intriguing

· Weak Scenes

· Situations don’t Challenge Characters

· Exposition Instead of Reveals

· When do I Reveal What?

· Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue

I solved problems with character depth and with exposition instead of reveals.

[Jack Young]

1. Missed the Outline in Some Places. RESPONSE: Too much material in act II. Moved material to act III.

2. Did you mean to change the story? RESPONSE: Story remained true to outline but turning points changed in Act III.

3. Not Enough Empathy/Distress:

Put them in difficult situations. Have the situations oppose their profiles/values.

– Undeserved misfortune. RESPONSE: Michael’s wife feels that she married an accountant to avoid drama. But Michael loses all of their money, breaks the law, has an affair.

– Forced decisions. RESPONSE: Michael must decide to die and go into Stream or die from cancer.

– Emotional dilemmas. RESPONSE: Michael wants wife to forgive him for his deeds before he dies. She can’t do it because she’s living a lie about his brother.

– Plans that failed. RESPONSE: Michael’s plan to get rich using insider trading backfires and the FBI has a warrant for his arrest.

– Betrayal and forced betrayal. RESPONSE: Michael’s secretary (his mistress) manipulated foreclosure data for contracts that Michael signed and told the FBI where to find him.

– Witnessing the pain of others. RESPONSE: Michael witnesses an elderly client blow her brains out in front of him when he forecloses on her home.

– Extreme consequences. RESPONSE: Michael is mistaken for an active shooter by the SWAT team when his client shoots herself and is roughed up.

– Major loss. RESPONSE: Michael loses his brother to suicide and believes he may have aided in his death.

– Brings their wound present. RESPONSE: Michael’s client asks about his older brother who overdosed.

– Crucible (Test/challenge). RESPONSE: Can Michael muster the courage to die for something?

– Hurt those they love. RESPONSE: Michael had an affair that hurt his wife even though he loves his wife.

– Exposed. RESPONSE: Michael’s wife meets Michael’s mistress and discovers that Michael lost all of their money in a illegal stock deal.

– Painful decision with Future Consequences. RESPONSE: ?

Keep asking: How could I make this situation worse for this character and cause us to feel for them?

Reference: Mod 1: Lesson 7:

Empathy/Distress, BW Framework, Mod 3: Building in Empathy/Distress

4. Character Intros Not Strong: RESPONSE: Most are good. We don’t have the time to really get to know the Astral team members in the pilot. There’s a whole episode dedicated to this and getting to know Professor Darlington as well.

5. Characters We Don’t Care About: Most of these have minimal lines. I’ve tried to make them as colorful and memorable as possible.

6. Weak Protagonist or Antagonist: RESPONSE: At this point, the antagonist is the Stream.

7. Characters Need More Depth: RESPONSE: No. I think they work.

8. Scenes that are not Intriguing: RESPONSE: I think it works. I’ve tried to take “boring” out of each scene.

9. Weak Scenes: RESPONSE: I’ve tried…

10. Situations Don’t Challenge Characters. RESPONSE: I’ve thrown everything I could find at my characters.

11. Exposition Instead of Reveals. RESPONSE: Yes, I believe I’ve done this. It is revealed later that yes, Michael is having an affair, and yes, Michael is working some form of illegal stock deal, and yes, Michael has something seriously wrong with his brain because he’s eating aspirin like candy.

12. When do I Reveal What? RESPONSE: I believe I have done this.

Choose the timing of major reveals to cause a deeper audience experience.

13. Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue. RESPONSE: I did find some cliché dialogue that I fixed.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – P/S GRID #2

What I learned doing this assignment is the necessity of looking at a script through one lens at a time. First look at it from this perspective or from this element. Focus on that. Then move to the next perspective or element. Multiple passes work better than trying to do it all at once.

Problem: Exposition Instead of Reveals

Solution: Reveal through a betrayal

I found that letting Ferrandini discover that he has been betrayed by Kate through Kate’s actions works better. When Kate doesn’t show up for the initiation ceremony, Ferrandini goes searching for her and discovers that she has gone to New York to meet with Lincoln’s handlers. This, after she has expressed her undying affection for Ferrandini.

Problem: Scenes that are not Intriguing

Solution: Imminent Threat:

I found it necessary to add scenes that imply imminent threat to Kate and Pinkerton. Especially when Ferrandini discovers evidence that Kate might be a spy, and it appears he might act, but then discounts the evidence because of his feelings for her. This comes back to bite him.

I’m also faced with having to create a body count. A good body count should help set up a dangerous situation.

[Eric Humble]

Eric Humble’s Problem/Solution Gtid #2

What I learned is: how to zero in on some specific problems I can solve in the moment in order to keep moving forward.

For this lesson, I used the grid and discovered some problems I wasn’t aware I had initially, specifically in terms of the main character’s transformational journey. I used the suggested solutions in the grid and the model for Profound Screenwriting from the profound class and I think I have really elevated the script and solved some of my larger problems in the process. The exercise illuminated that some scenes which I was ready to simply cut actually work very well when arranged in a different order. I feel like I was able to really amplify the empathy/distress for my protagonist by structuring his journey based on the profound model as well, and I was able to change the challenging situations so that they challenge the character in a way that really forces change. In previous drafts, the challenging situations sometimes led me astray, sometimes even from the vision/concept.

All I’ve changed so far is my outline. I haven’t had time to actually write out any of the scenes, most of which have changed significantly from my first draft, but I’ll use the scene requirements and add a quick first draft of any dialogue before doing the upcoming dialogue assignments, so I’ll start crawling through this draft as I proceed going forward. But having solved the problems I have so far has really made me excited to kick this script into high gear in the next few drafts.