Lesson 7

[Eden De Ruse-Moore]

Eden De Ruse-Moore Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is a Bio. can be 2 or 3 sentences.

Joe Harley a home run king, known for hitting fast balls is now the father of the First Fetus.

The President Elect, surprises her husband on Inauguration Day, whispering, “Joe, I think, I’m pregnant.” This former playboy/pro-ballplayer will soon trade his gym bag in for a Hello Kitty, diaper bag.

Joe intends to prove to a nation that he can be the perfect Mother Goose. However, cut-throat D.C. politics complicates everything. To make matters worse, he’s constantly being told to connect with his feminine side but to never “give up” his man-card.

Like the smash-hit film, Barbie. Think – Just Ken in the White House. Joe’s entire life, was baseball, but now he’s challenged with a crisis of identity. Joe knows he must “get a grip” and significantly turn things around or he will lose his wife and put her entire administration in jeopardy.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,
Eden De Ruse-Moore

BIO: Eden has worked as a journalist on Capitol Hill. Yankee Doodle Daddy became a finalist in the New York Metropolitan Screenwriters and Film Awards, previously she has had two original screenplays optioned.

CONTACT details

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Eden De Ruse-Moore.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Eden De Ruse-Moore. Reason: Needed to punch up hooks

[Eden De Ruse-Moore]

Eden De Ruse-Moore Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment AI is so cool and helpful.

Joe Harley a home run king, known for hitting fast balls is now the father of the First Fetus.

The President Elect, finds out on Inauguration Day that she’s pregnant and her former Yankee husband soon trades his gym bag in for a Hello Kitty, diaper bag.

Joe intends to prove to a nation that he can be the perfect Mother Goose. Unfortunately, it’s complicated – thanks to cut-throat politics. To make matters worse, Joe’s reminded to connect with his feminine side but to never “give up” his man-card.

Like the smash-hit film, Barbie, think – “Just Ken in the White House,” Joe’s entire life has been baseball. However, now this ballplayer grapples with his sense of self and purpose. Joe must “get a grip” and redefine his identity or he will lose what matters most, his family.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Eden De Ruse-Moore

BIO: Eden has worked as a journalist on Capitol Hill. Yankee Doodle Daddy became a finalist in the New York Metropolitan Screenwriters and Film Awards, previously she has had two original screenplays optioned.

CONTACT details – listed.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Eden De Ruse-Moore.

[anna harper]

What I learned doing the assignment; I needed a few rewrites to get this ready, Most necessary was constantly revisiting previous lessons.

Dear Name
ALFIE'S CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE
HOLIDAY MAGICAL REALISM
I am thrilled to introduce my screenplay, "Alfie’s Christmas Adventure," a whimsical tale set in the charming English village of Lyme Regis, inspired by my work with traumatized patients.
"Alfie’s Christmas Adventure" tells the story of Dylan, a mute teenage boy hounded by bullies and targeted by the school’s cruel principal and his nasty teacher. Dylan’s world flips upside down when he meets Alfie, a gigantic Newfoundland dog blessed with telepathic powers by angel Michelle. Dylan’s late mother. Alfie becomes Dylan’s unlikely ally, coaching him to find his voice and take on his tormentors, all while navigating a series of misadventures,, and negotiating with Steve; Dylan's reluctant Dad for a permanent place in the family home.
As Dylan and Alfie embark on a journey of rule-breaking and discovery, they confront a series of uproarious challenges, including thwarting the teacher's plot to send Dylan away to a boarding school for her own selfish gain. The climax unfolds on a heartwarming Christmas Day, where Dylan, his friend Lilly, and even his former bully Victor share a festive meal, forging unexpected friendships. In a touching twist, Dylan's mother reappears, reaffirming her love and revealing Alfie as her special helper, bringing the adventure full circle.
With the quirky charm and humour of a Roald Dahl story, "Alfie’s Christmas Adventure" is a tale of resilience, love, and magic of the holiday season, perfect for families looking for a heartfelt and entertaining holiday film. Thank you for considering my screenplay. I look forward to the opportunity to share more of Dylan and Alfie’s adventures with you. Let me know if you would like to receive the script.
BIO Qualified in social work and worked in mental health (special quals in PTSD) with traumatized children and adults using a variety of modalities to restore communication. Also resided in the inspiring village mentioned in the query which has a pedigree of successful film shoots.
Warm regards,

Anna Harper

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  anna harper.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to write a query letter.
How does a Mafia Princess break with the family to become a sophisticated lady when the family pushes back with a vengeance,
Liza, a mafia princess, who desires to be an actor and sophisticated lady has a chance meeting with Professor Shaw and decides to enroll in his theater acting class. Her mafia boss father, Big Dom, pushes back, and Liza must decide whether to break with her family or give up her dream. When Big Dom unexpectedly dies, Loza must put her dream on hold and fight an underboss, Vito, for control of the family until her brother gets out of prison. After she shoots Vito during an attempted rape, a battle with rival factions of the family ensues culminating with Liza’s car being firebombed. Liza must go on the run to survive and while hiding out in Brooklyn is pursued by Vito’s rival faction. Liza, with a contract on her head, eludes a hitman and concludes her only escape is to leave the country and heads to JFK with her destination to be determined.
BIO:I have a Certificate in Screenwriting from UCLA and a certificate In Advance Playwriting from the National Theater Institute, Eugene O’Neil Theater which I attended I Spring 2022/
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.”
William Whelan
wmwhelan99@gmail .com
8608842081
1226 East Ash Road, Plymouth VY 05056

[Hiram Taylor]

POWER PLAYERS – LESSON 7

Hiram – Query Letter

What I learned is this step-by-step process makes writing a query letter simple.

GENRE: SciFi/HORROR

Can Lily save her boyfriend from the evil soul eaters in the 4th dimension who devour human souls as their food source?

Once a skeptical news reporter who investigates fake religious scams, Lily witnesses people turning into bodies of light and vanishing at a new age channeler’s event.

Then her boyfriend gets sucked into the light and disappears.

The channeler leads Lily into the 4th Dimension, a land of nightmares and warped reality.

Will they survive and return to the 3rd Dimension?

If the concept interests you, I’d happily send you the script.

BIO: Five published novels and the Science Fiction/Horror Finalist in the Hollywood Screenplay Contest.

CONTACT INFO:
Hiram Taylor
8225 Panola Street
New Orleans, LA 70118
504-298-4651
hiramtaylor.ht@gmail.com

[Eden De Ruse-Moore]

This is super. I like how you used your hooks and kept your query concise, after reading it I wanted to know more.

[Michael Wallace]

Michael Wallace’s Query Letter
What I learned in this lesson is to keep the query writing process simple and easy to read and understand the concept.
Dear __________________,
THE KID FROM LYNBROOK
HOW A KID AND HIS MENTOR CAN EXPOSE THE GREAT HYPOCRACY OF WALL STREET
GENRE: Drama/Comedy
Brendan Malone is a hot shot Wall Street executive during the “dot com” boom who makes his fortune manipulating the markets.

He returns to his hometown of Lynbrook, where he mentors Anthony a twelve-year-old kid in a school stock trading club to win back Anthony’s teacher Cindy his childhood sweetheart, the one who got away.

Malone gives Anthony inside information to help him win his stock picking contest, and in exchange the kid agrees to help him by finding out any information he can on Cindy, to help Malone win her back.

Everything is going great until it is discovered through an SEC probe that Anthony is trading real stocks in an account set up in his mother’s name and making a fortune.

The politically motivated NYS AG, who vows to clean up Wall Street in his quest to become the next Governor, faces the dilemma of prosecuting a kid for insider trading after Anthony refuses to settle, and the media won’t let the story go away. Despite Malone’s political contributions, The AG threatens to go after him if he doesn’t agree to testify against Anthony.

Malone resists at first, but then agrees to testify to save himself, losing Cindy and his relationship with Anthony.

Anthony’s heart wrenching testimony on the stand makes Malone realize that he learned everything that is wrong with Wall Street, from him.

Malone secretly feeds inside information to the defense about his firms ‘questionable dealings which they use against him when he is put on the stand, to help Anthony get off.

There have been many successful movies about Wall Street, but none from the perspective of a twelve-year-old kid.
“The Kid from Lynbrook” is about a Wall Street executive that returns to his hometown and inspires another kid like him to follow in his footsteps. Great irony on how history repeats itself.
This film will appeal to fans of Wall Street movies like “Wall Street”, “Boiler Room”, “The Wolf of Wall Street” and “The Big Short”, and be attractive to teenage kids, as it provides a comedic look on how a kid can expose the whole system.
If this concept interests you, I’d be happy send you the script.
Best, Michael Wallace
Mjwallace@newviewent.com
(516) 319-1600

[Ian Patrick Williams]

Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep my query letter concise.
Opening Hook:
A rookie detective goes it alone to stop a white supremacist group from triggering a race war across America
Title: The Coming Storm
Written by Ian Patrick Williams
Genre: Action
Synopsis:
A series of police murders, church burnings, etc. are being perpetrated by the country’s newest neo-Nazi group: the American Storm Troopers. Their disinformation campaigns have half the country believing the guilty parties are Black and Jewish.
The FBI intercepts information that a terrorist incident is planned for the coming Saturday, the same day when the Governor will be giving a campaign speech on the steps of their City Hall. Rookie Black detective MILES BROUSSARD does military research on his own, finding two of the AST leaders were recently discharged riflemen. Against orders, he searches the garage of one of them and finds empty fertilizer bags indicating an Oklahoma City type bombing.

He races after the man’s van, calling in an emergency. When the police stop the suspect’s van and it turns up empty, his furious Commander orders Broussard to tender his resignation for his insubordination. But Broussard is convinced that the empty van was a mere ploy to get everyone to drop their guard and that the assassination of the Governor is still the actual plan. He deduces the nearby Hotel Lincoln is tall enough for a sniper to shoot from and races there in hopes to stop the killing before it’s too late.
Please let me know if I can send you The Coming Storm
Bio: Ian Patrick Williams shares the Chicago Emmy award for co-authoring the teleplay BLEACHER BUMS for PBS-TV; the script was later adapted and produced by Showtime. Masterfilm International released his action screenplay THE BLACK SEA RAID in 2010. In 2017 Status Media Entertainment released his Roaring 20’s piece GANGSTER LAND. MJR Films has a current option on PROPHET OF THE THIRD REICH.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Query Letter
What I learned from this lesson is how to format an interesting and concise query letter.

Dear:
Many Wives and Lives, is an historical drama inspired by the life of American writer Sherwood Anderson and his four remarkable wives.
“You run our company? Ridiculous idea.”
A business tycoon decides to risk the company, wealth, family, and reputation for a chance at literary fame. His wife thinks he’s lost his mind. How will she and the children survive?
Set against the backdrop of early 20th-century America, “Many Wives and Lives” tells the gripping story of Cornelia Anderson, the first wife of the renowned story teller Sherwood Anderson. Cornelia, educated and business-savvy, has invested her inheritance in her husband’s paint business. Despite her pivotal role, she is barred from leadership by the male-dominated society. Under her guidance, the business flourishes until Sherwood decides to gamble everything on a literary career.
Determined to secure her children’s future, Cornelia enters a covert business partnership with a successful courtesan brothel owner in a venture outside societal norms and tests her business acumen. Cornelia’s enterprise thrives until Sherwood spirals further into madness when shocked by the reappearance of his long-dead father, the man he thought he killed.

Sukle is an optioned screenwriter and quarter finalist in the Faith in Film International Screenplay Contest and a published novelist of two books about early twentieth century labor history. She also have a connection to Anderson’s final wife, Eleanor, who inherited his literary property, and close friends with her heirs.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Best,
Rebecca (R.S.) Sukle
Email
Phone
Facebook
Linked in

[Paul McGregor]

Paul's Query Letter.
5. What I learned from this assignment is how critical that opening hook is and how much work I have to do to find it. But I am left with a question: do we include Title and Genre?
2. Opening Hook: If someone tried to destroy your family, wouldn't you want to make sawdust of them?
3. Synopsis:
Frank is retiring from his job as a logger and looking forward to time with his grand-children. But when he discovers his son-in-law is doing drugs, his world begins to crumble. Faced with bankers and lawyers trying to foreclose his daughter's house, and debt-collecting drug-dealers threatening her life, Frank has to learn new skills fast. He uses those skills to defeat the lawyers and bankers, and turns to his old logging skills to deal with the son-in-law.
Request: If you like the concept, I'd be happy to send you the script.
Bio: This script is inspired by a true story in my family.
Contact info: email / phone / address
END

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Paul McGregor.

[Janis Pryor]

Janis A. Pryor Great Pitch 2: Compelling Query Letter V2
What I learned was the difference between a query letter for a book agent and one for a movie producer.

Haven’t you wondered if there’s life after death? I’ll Never Leave You is Ghost for adults. This is the true story of how one unusual woman, born with a veil over her face, was forced to fully embrace her psychic gifts to stay connected to the love of her life. His first words to her were, “I’ve been watching you for over twenty years. You don’t change. The dogs don’t change.” This is my story as written in the memoir, White Roses, a love story before and after death.

A year or so after he died, he asked her to, “Tell our story. Tell what was and what was meant to be and finish it by the end of the month.” She already had several visions regarding him that were verified by his sister.

When she started to write, a flood of paranormal experiences began that couldn’t be dismissed: burglar alarms going off that had never been connected, house phone ringing but only on her nightstand, his appearance three times, unnerving similarities with the actor he wanted to portray him. All of this changed her life.

This is an authentic love story for a wide audience to be portrayed by two actors with undeniable chemistry.

If you have any interest in this, my contact information follows:
Janis A. Pryor
JPCamb@aol.com
617 901-6537
734 Galaxy Hill Road
North Pomfret, VT 05053

[Janis Pryor]

Janis A. Pryor – Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned and now understand are the specific components of a verbal pitch versus a query letter and how they differ.

1. I’m a published author of four books with a background in television producing.
2. The story I’m pitching to you had been optioned for two years. When it ran out, I did not renew it.
3. I’ll Never Leave You, is a true story, a memoir, titled White Roses, a love story before and after death*, that I wrote several years ago.
4. The female lead is based on one chapter of my life.

The genre: I’ll Never Leave You, is a paranormal love story.

The female lead, comes from an upper middle-class family of three races, was born with a veil over her face and neck. As an adult, she comes to terms with her psychic gifts to stay in contact with the love of her life, who died in a bizarre boating accident.

The budget is mid-range from fifteen million and thirty million.
This is a perfect story for two actors with great chemistry, like Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn.

Act One: She asks a friend a simple question about the male lead and it triggers a series of synchronicities that finally brings them together. The first thing he says to her is, “I’ve been watching you for over twenty years. You don’t change. The dogs don’t change.”

Act Two: They have an intense, sensual romance sprinkled with serious conversations about being an interracial couple. The night before he dies, he gives her a ring box and asks her to wait until he gets back to open it. His unexpected death unlocked a flood of psychic events that the female lead cannot ignore.

Act Three: By now, she was becoming an expert on the research and documentation on the afterlife. The more she read, the more she yearned to really see him in three dimensions.

How does it end?
Her dogs and she walked to her bedroom late. The room was full of silver light. Seated on her bed, as she walks in, he says, “We don’t have much time. I’m sorry I left too soon.”

[Eden De Ruse-Moore]

Eden De Ruse-Moore Query Letter
What I learned in this assignment be sure to have hooks to keep them reading.

Yankee Doodle Daddy
Genre: Dramedy

Can a former pro-ballplayer succeed in the White House as the First Daddy when his wife, our Commander in Chief, informs him that she’s pregnant?

Overjoyed, Joe Harley, an American League MVP, steps up to the plate when he hears a baby is on its way. But when his daughter is born, Joe lacks the required skills necessary to be an All-Star, stay-at-home Dad. Still, he’s no quitter and he’s determined to prove his skeptics wrong.

While Joe fumbles through fatherhood, political rivals threaten his wife’s administration.

As POTUS deals with a Senate investigation coined Babygate, intense international relations surface involving Russia. Joe feels undervalued at home. Adding to his confusion he’s mocked by the media for not embracing his feminine side. And then… a sex scandal breaks with Joe at the center.

Joe must resolve his identity crisis and fire up his ‘A-game during his Babygate testimony or else… he could lose what matters most to him, his family.

With an entire world watching, Joe can’t afford to strike out.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Eden De Ruse-Moore

BIO: Eden, a former journalist on Capitol Hill, is an optioned screenwriter. She has been a finalist in multiple screenwriting contests.

Contact information (inserted here).

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Eden De Ruse-Moore. Reason: Rewritten Query after attending class on this Lesson

[Eden De Ruse-Moore]

Eden De Ruse-Moore Query Letter
Yankee Doodle Daddy
Genre: Dramedy

It’s Inauguration Day, and your wife is the President Elect. That’s big news! Even bigger news is—you just found out she’s pregnant!

Joe Harley a baseball legend steps up to the plate to handle all things baby in the White House. Despite being clueless and lacking the skills needed to care for a baby, Joe is determined to be an All-Star, stay-at-home Dad. Thus, when Baby Ruth is born…

Joe fumbles through fatherhood while political rivals threaten his wife’s administration.

POTUS deals with a Senate investigation coined Babygate as intense international relations heat up involving Russia. Joe feels undervalued at home. Adding to his confusion he’s mocked by the media for not embracing his feminine side. And then… a sex scandal breaks with Joe at the center.

Joe must resolve his identity crisis and fire up his ‘A-game during his Babygate testimony or else… he could lose what matters most to him, his family.

With an entire world watching, Joe knows he can’t afford to strike out.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Eden De Ruse-Moore

BIO: Eden, a former journalist on Capitol Hill, is an optioned screenwriter. She has been a finalist in multiple screenwriting contests.

Contact information inserted here.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Eden De Ruse-Moore. Reason: Needed to combine the best of all the previous drafts

[Michael HARRIS]

Can Ken and Eli save “Wawasee,” their small lakeside community from Al Capone’s influence while navigating the hidden secrets of their own families’ pasts.

Two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone's hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Michael grew up in the real-life small lakeside town of Syracuse where he made his own exploration of the mysteries of lake “Wawasee.”

Contact:
Michael L Harris
MichaelHarrisActor@gmail.com
574-903-1701

• This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Sandra Fox-Sohner]

Query Letter, Lesson 7: I learned that conciseness and impactful hooks can be far more challenging than I expected.

Hello:
I have a true story historical biopic, “Too Much Happiness!” that may interest you.

“How can one woman launch a tidal wave of major social change in a world where women have no voice?”

Multiple books have been written about the heroine Sofia Kovalevsky. Festivals, coins, stamps, and a moon crater are named for her. Three films have been made of her life in Swedish and Russian, but none have been made in English.

Below is a brief outline:

Act 1: Oppressed and isolated in a tumultuous 19th-century Russia, the math genius Sofia Kovalevsky must find a way to escape the demands of her family and follow her passion.

–As a child, Sofia would rather study math and suffer punishments for doing so. Passionate and rebellious, Sonia and her sister defy their parents’ edict to marry an older man. Sonia enters a fake marriage to gain her freedom. The adventure begins as both headstrong sisters vow to make a difference for equality.

Act 2: Although her genius opens a few secret doors, Sofia is shut out of the male-dominated academic world, denied the professorship she craves, and stumbles into self-doubt.

–No university will allow a female student, but Sofia’s work impresses a famous, friendly mathematician in Germany who teaches her in private. She is the first woman to earn a PhD in Mathematics, but every university rebuffs her bid for a professorship. The rector in Berlin, feeling threatened by her accomplishments and vowing to protect the university’s all-male policy, thwarts her at every turn. She crumbles in despair. Her fake husband pressures her to be his real wife, and she succumbs to a man she does not love, although a beloved daughter is born.

Act 3: In desperation, Sonia takes her fate into her own hands, making a bet with the Director of Mathematics in Stockholm: a gamble for a professorship. She becomes the first female professor in all of Europe and Russia.

–After her husband’s financial ruin and suicide, Sonia returns to the joy she found in math. Desperate, she makes a bet with a Director: a paid professorship if she wins the Prix Bordin by finding an elusive formula for planetary motion. Winning, she becomes the first female professor. As she leaves the hall she meets a student, Marie Curie, who thanks her for giving women hope.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. As regards the title, Sofia Kovalevsky’s last words on her deathbed were “too much happiness.”

BIO: This screenplay has won two “Best Screenplay” awards. I currently have representation for this screenplay. With a background in science and math, I currently volunteer to help organize science and math camps for girls and STEM conferences for girls to champion a love of science and math.

Please feel free to contact me at:

Best Wishes,
Sandy Fox-Sohner

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sandra Fox-Sohner.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sandra Fox-Sohner.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sandra Fox-Sohner.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sandra Fox-Sohner.